Chapter Six: Battle Of The Sexes
Kate and Noh drove back from the Avengers Tower in relative quiet except for, of course, the usual blaring of the radio the entire way back. After the initial rocky start to their rotation with Noh busting Kate out to Clint, the two of them were a little bit off. It hadn't helped that Kate had pretty much ignored both Noh and Clint all day in favor of instead hanging out with Cap and doing a bit of hand-to-hand before she ended up playing video games with Miles for the rest of the day.
Finally, it seemed like Noh couldn't stand the silent treatment anymore, and he leaned over with wide eyes. "I didn't mean to upset you."
Kate turned to him with one eyebrow raised. "Yeah, you did," she replied before she let out a little breath and shook her head at him. "Look, I appreciate the concern, I really do. But I know how to look out for myself. And you really shouldn't read so much into battle banter."
Noh frowned at her for a moment. "I make it a point to take people at their word, Kate."
"And yeah, that's a really good policy to have. I'm just saying, when it's back and forth teasing, it doesn't mean I'm, like, making dinner plans with a psychopath, okay? He's a total creepo, and it's not like I'm inviting him to the Halloween party or something. I'd just like to kick his butt fighting ninjas is all." She tipped her head at Noh. "Besides, as long as he's fighting on our side — this time — there's nothing wrong with healthy banter. It keeps my wits sharp."
Noh let out a breath and leaned back a little further in his seat as he thought it over. "It's just that I know what he is capable of. And even if he has promised not to manipulate you on purpose, I would not be surprised if he did so an accident. The man has very little self-control."
She let out a sigh and reached over with one hand to pat his shoulder. "You're a good egg, Noh," she told him with a warm smile. "And I appreciate that you're looking out for me. But seriously — tattling to my old mentor? That's so not the way to help, okay?"
Noh nodded and then couldn't help but give her a little smirk. "I think he really was considering trying to ground you."
"Let him try," Kate said, waving her hand. "I don't live at his place, first of all, and second, if he sent me to my room, I don't think Kurt would complain in the least, especially in the mood he and Logan have been in since the whole Sinister and Weapon X and, well, everything in the last few months, you know?" She peered at Noh. "I don't need any more people being overprotective, okay?"
Noh gave her the slightest of smirks as they pulled up to a red light, and he indicated the obviously not-actually-homeless guy who had an eye on the recognizable purple car. They didn't know if he was from the Board or just someone who disagreed with the "direction" she had taken Bishop Publishing, but it was a pretty regular sight for Kate. "You know we have good reason to be," he said.
She waved her hand. "I see those creeps everywhere at this point. They never try anything if I've got someone with me."
"Perhaps they will get bolder one day."
"And I've got a collapsible bow in the glove box and a quiver under my seat," Kate replied, unconcerned. "But you know, if I freaked out every time half our teammates were in trouble, my heart would have given out months ago just from you alone."
"Me?" He raised his eyebrows at her.
"Yeah. You. You and your whole getting snatched up by SHIELD, grabbed by Ronan, contacted by the Supreme Intelligence again… are you ever not in danger?" she pointed out.
"It's an occupational hazard," he said with a little laugh.
Kate shook her head at him as the light turned green and she continued on. "That's what I keep telling people. And yet you insist on being idiotic and trying to protect me all the same."
"It's more of an attempt to stop unnecessary risks than anything else," Noh defended, and she snorted at that.
"Noh," she said in a tone of voice that she hadn't used since they were dating that had him sitting up a little straighter. "Stop it. Just… don't. You know I hate being treated like a china doll."
"That's not my intent. Nor is it Kurt's or Logan's or Clint's or anyone else who is simply looking out for you."
Kate didn't even look over at him as she reached over and smacked him in the back of the head. "You're still an idiot."
"And I'm still right to be concerned for those I care about, and you know it." He shook his head at her. "Don't you get concerned over Kurt? Aren't you taking him to business parties to sniff out possible evil?"
"That's not the same, and you know it," Kate shot back.
"What, preventing possible future encounters with those who would do you harm?" Noh raised both eyebrows at her. "Yes, that sounds nothing like what I was trying to do."
She glared at him for a second. "Shut up."
He simply grinned and reached over to turn up the volume on the radio so that he could start singing along with so much enthusiasm that Kate almost couldn't help but to join him.
She had just about softened up on him trying to 'protect' her by the time they pulled into the garage — and then that all fell apart again. It was more than a little frustrating when she saw that Scott was there. It looked like he'd been babying his car when they pulled in, but he stopped what he was doing to look properly annoyed when he saw Kate pull in driving her little purple car.
"Oh great. I'm gonna get an earful from another guy who thinks he's my dad," Kate muttered under her breath as Noh steadfastly pretended that he hadn't heard her mumbling. She stepped out of the car with a sigh even as Scott was already crossing her arms. "Hey, boss man, what's for dinner?" she called out, hoping to stop the inevitable argument before he got started, but apparently, he wasn't in the mood.
"You took that car into the city? To Avengers Tower?" He looked absolutely flabbergasted, for some reason, and Kate glared right back at him, drawing herself up to her full height even though Scott had almost a full foot over her.
"Yes I did. And you'll note the total lack of bullet holes, missing doors, or any sign of trouble, unless you count the fact that the oil needs to be changed pretty soon," she shot back, matching his posture with her arms crossed.
"You were lucky."
"Again. Imagine that. It's like that stupid buddy system works or something," Kate countered, gesturing at Noh. "Behold, my sparkly Kree bodyguard."
Scott raised both eyebrows at her, and Kate almost laughed, because the dry look was even more intense without the glasses, somehow. "You're taking unnecessary risks."
"Seriously. You too?" Kate threw her head back with a dramatic sigh. "What, did someone declare it 'try to dad Kate' day? Because this — this is not funny."
"It's not supposed to be," Scott said with narrowed eyes. "Next time you're going further than Westchester, take a different car. I'm not asking."
"And I'm not listening," Kate replied, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "I've had that car since I was a Young Avenger. I'm not asking you to get rid of yours." She threw her hand out to indicate that car that Scott had just been working on. He was such an idiot. And a hypocrite. And Kate was not in the mood to deal with his stupid.
"I'm not saying you have to get rid of it," Scott clarified. "Only that you have to stop making such an easy target out of yourself. You are aware of how easy targets work, aren't you?"
"I'm familiar." She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "It's been an age and a half and you're still all worked up over those — those mid-level wannabe creeps in tracksuits and hired gun salaries. I can handle them."
"They're not the only ones after you, Kate," Scott replied through gritted teeth. "I'm not worried about your stupid Russian weirdos."
"So I should just go into hiding?" she shot back. "Stop driving my car? Don't visit my coffee shops? Don't go to my company parties? Because that sounds a lot like letting them dictate my life."
"I didn't say any of that, I'm just asking you to be careful while you do those things and not make it so easy for them," Scott said. "I know you're fine most of the time — but when you're not? K was almost killed, and you very nearly lost Annie too. Because of the car. Not you."
Some of the heat left her glare for a second — it was hard to argue with him when he pulled the "protect Annie" card, because she knew how much it screwed with Annie that Sinister was after her family — but then she sniffed at him, not about to let him win so easily. "Look. I've got, like, five things that are mine and not yours or the team's or Dad's, and this car is one of those. So lay off."
"I'm not pushing you to get rid of it," Scott repeated. "I just want you to take something else when you go to the city."
"Fine, whatever, Dad," she said, waving her hand at him dismissively as she stalked past him. "I'm not staying up past curfew."
As she was on her way in, K was on her way out, the keys to Logan's Harley in her hand, and the two nearly bumped into each other. "Hello, you look less than thrilled," K said, the color already risen in her cheeks. "Welcome home."
Kate rolled her eyes theatrically. "Scott's being stupid. And so's Noh and Clint."
"Yeah, got that memo — about Scott. Must be something affecting the Y-chromosome, because they are all stupid today. I … am stealing Logan's motorcycle. Wanna go take a ride at ridiculous speeds and maybe bang up the fender a little bit?"
Kate grinned outright at that. "Well, Scott did tell me to get a different mode of transportation…"
"Well, let's go. We can slap him on the way out," K suggested.
"Yes, I like this plan," Kate agreed, sliding her arm through K's. "I think it's the first sensible suggestion I've heard all day."
"What a day you've had then if the first sensible suggestion is to steal a motorcycle and slap ol' fearless. Though … it really is a fine plan, if I don't say so myself." K was still grinning as she pushed open the door to the garage, and the pair of them very nearly ran right into Scott. "Why are you so big? And in my freakin' face? Go 'way."
"Are you two headed out?" he asked with a small frown.
K pulled a face and started to shake her head, speaking as low as she could manage as she said, "Noooo. Nope. Why would I do that?"
"Hey, you're the one who said get a different transport to the city," Kate said. "Found her. Aren't you proud?" She gestured toward K with a troublemaking grin.
"You taking the Jeep?" Scott asked.
"Sure," K replied slowly before she gave him a tight smile.
He looked between the two girls for just a moment before he seemed to give up entirely and gave them both the most ridiculous eyeroll they'd ever seen from him — which was something, seeing as they had discovered since his eyes came uncovered that he had been rolling his eyes at everything this whole time and no one had been able to see it — as he simply picked K up. "Yeah, that's not happening," he told her as he started back inside.
"What the hell?" K said, in total shock as she immediately tried to wiggle loose.
"I'm done arguing with either of you about this," he informed her. He had to pause a bit at the door to get it open with her still wriggling like that, though he half kicked it open once he did.
"Would you freakin' stop it?" K half growled. "I didn't do anything to you, and I sure as hell didn't do anything wrong."
He didn't set her back down until they were well inside, and when he did, he crossed his arms as Kate caught up looking both shocked and slightly entertained. "I'm not going to go through the 'don't take unnecessary risks' bit again," he said with a heavy sigh.
"Good, don't," K advised.
"Hypocrite," Kate grumbled Scott's way, though she was grinning. "Gotta bend with the knees, boss man. Don't throw out your back. Unnecessary risk."
"What the hell?!" K shot her way as she spun toward her. "Are you kidding me right now? You're not supposed to jump on that train."
"I'm just saying — if he's going to lecture us on safety rules, he should read a manual or two himself." She cocked her hip to one side as she shook her head at Scott. "Bad form. D minus. Not how you lift loads."
"I … am not a load," K growled out.
"Why don't you find your fiance; I'm sure he'll be happy to see you home safe," Scott said without looking Kate's way and without addressing her earlier sass. He pointed K's way. "And you — do the same. Please."
"See, just for that, I think a girls night is in order," Kate said to K.
"Yes," K agreed. "With totally legitimate, necessary risks. You know. Like ones that go along with breathing."
"Yeah. I could pop some popcorn. Those kernels. So scary. Choking hazard or something." Kate had both hands on her hips. "I swear, they think we're made of glass."
"That … is not the kind of risks I was thinking of," K said with a frown. "I want to blow something up."
"I've got some splodeys from Clint that need trying out," Kate offered.
"I know where we can find a motorcycle," K replied with a tight grin. "And about six gallons of kerosine. Boom."
Kate looked at Scott's growing frustrated expression and had to laugh. "I think Scott wants less boom, more G-rated action."
"Well as the great poet Mick Jagger once said? 'You can't always get what you want.'"
"We'll compromise." Kate gave Scott a sickly sweet smile. "We'll go mess with tracksuits. No danger there except of dying of laughter."
"Yes. Good. We can take Scott's car," K agreed before she held up the keychain in her hand that she had swiped while Scott was carrying her off. "Still warm — thanks, cranky. We'll bring it back with an empty tank. Guaranteed." With that, K spun on her heel and headed right back toward the garage, with a grinning Kate right behind her rushing off before Scott could grab them, even though she was clearly trying to bait him when she continued in a louder voice. "Think I can make the tires bark in every gear?"
As Kate slid into the passenger's seat, still grinning at K, she had to ask, "What's got his pants all twisted?"
"Someone musta pissed in his oatmeal," K grumbled as she started the car and threw it into gear. "He's just like that sometimes. Unreasonable."
"Obnoxious," Kate agreed.
"He was fine earlier too."
"Must've been talking to Noh. He's all… big brother-y today," Kate complained.
"More like Logan and Kurt," K told her. "Overprotective is being kind about it."
Kate rolled her eyes at that. "You'd think they'd get over that. I mean, bad guy grabs happen sometimes. It's not a constant."
"You'd think, but no. They just come up with new and more annoying ways to be in your face."
"What's their worry this time?" Kate asked with a heavy sigh. "Mine was worried because — heaven forbid — I was civil to Daken."
"That … really is troublesome — but not enough to freak out over," K agreed. "More like 'make sure you have a taser.'"
"Got myself a pointy sword and a couple arrows that will do horrible, horrible things."
"He moves in close and fast," K told her. "You want something that you don't need to move your arms for. Taser. Knife. Hypodermic full of nerve toxin. That kind of thing."
"I'll keep that in mind," Kate said. "Seriously, though. They're just pissy because I have excellent banter skills, even with idiot sons of my best hug magnet friend. What kind of complaint is that?" She shook her head. "And then Scott was giving me grief about the car again."
"Okay, but he really was fine this afternoon," K said. "So anything not fine? Entirely Logan's fault."
"Well now I know who to get annoyed at for the Scott thing," Kate said, shaking her head. "What's got him all twisted? Weapon X? Sinister?"
"Yes, among other things," she replied in a sigh before she looked Kate over as they headed down the driveway. "You look like you need something sweet."
"I always do," Kate said with a grin, leaning back in her seat to kick her feet up on the dash and put her hands behind her head. "There's a good place that has both burgers and some excellent chocolate shakes. That way you can get something too — since you're not the sweets kinda person."
"Not often," she agreed before she made a point of peeling out onto the road, then having Kate point the way to the burger joint. And once they got there, K listened while Kate talked about all that had happened in Avengers Tower until she was pretty much all talked out and well sugared up.
Kate was pretty relaxed as she leaned back and looked K over. "You gonna vent too, or is this just the Kate Bishop show?" she teased.
"Nothing I can do, really," K replied. "Not unless you know how to get Logan to chill the hell out and take his little demon buddy with him."
"If I knew that, I'd be all-knowing and all-powerful," Kate said with a little smirk. "But I am a good sounding board for venting, you know."
"They have Scott acting like a flying monkey now too," K grumbled. "And for no good reason either. Idiots."
"All three of them?" Kate let out a little whistle. "You must've hit some kind of button. Somehow."
K glanced up at her and she watched her for a long moment. "Yeah. I guess I did," she replied finally. "Stupid of me to do that. Oh. And Kurt is now officially on high pressure for the wedding too."
"More than he is already?" Kate raised her eyebrows.
"Yeah, well. You know. Those religious types get their panties wadded when you do things out of order."
Kate tilted her head at K curiously. "You know he's no Mrs. Benson," she pointed out carefully, not about to assume anything just in case she was off, since if she was, she did not want to be the one to deal with that line of questioning.
"I'm well aware," K replied as she watched Kate for a moment and finally decided to let her in. "He's just … protective for his little godbaby."
The smile started at the corner of Kate's mouth and spread as the realization settled in. "That explains so. Freaking. Much."
"Yeah, well. It's no fun to be labelled as invalid incubator all of a sudden." K shook her head.
Kate made a horrible face. "Oh, don't say things like 'incubator.' That's just… that's all… Sinister-y. Don't do that."
"I thought he was more for needles and misery," K replied with a frown.
"Oh, that's right. You got to forget that whole… crap." Kate raised her eyebrows at K and then let out a sigh. "I mean — I wasn't conscious for all of it, but Tyler and Hank described the whole thing as… as a ..." She pulled a face and leaned closer, obviously hesitant to continue as she whispered, "breeding experiments."
'Oh, well I've heard that before," K said with a little wave. "Just not from that particular creep."
Kate shuddered. "No offense, but I'm glad we didn't run in the same circles if that's the case," she said. "I had way more of a heebie jeebies reaction to that."
"Weapons groups. If it's not breeding, it's clones. Bound to happen."
"Creepy." Kate pulled a face and let out a dramatic shudder.
"True," K agreed.
"Well, Dr. Creepo with the Diamond Forehead was all tickled to study a whole mutant lifespan. so — fyi. He's… well. He's got you on file. And when he finds out, he'll want to stick his nose in."
"Why the hell didn't the guys just say so much to me, then?" K asked with a totally irritated look. "All I've gotten is 'no because I said so' and other stupid male crap."
"Oh, didn't you get the memo? X-Men suck at communicating, apparently," Kate said, shaking her head. "Learned that one on my first grand tour with them.
"Well that's just grand," K said with wide eyes. "Hence the invalid remark from earlier. Clearly, I'm not smart enough or stable enough to hear these things."
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it just didn't occur to them to communicate. Or I'd have to hit them for thinking you were dumb," Kate pointed out. "And I would too."
"Well, this doesn't really make me want to go rushing back," K told her frankly.
Kate just grinned and draped an arm around K's shoulder as she motioned dramatically with her other hand. "Breaking news: Old Lady discovers what teenage girls have always known. Boys suck at talking." She grinned. "In other news, the sky is blue."
"Why do you think I avoided having too much to do with them for so long?" K countered.
"I thought you still believed in cooties," Kate said with a smirk.
"I should. I should believe in cooties," K replied seriously.
Kate just had to chuckle at that as she shook her head at her friend and then leaned over to give her a hug. "Well, sorry boys are stupid. But also — that's the best news I've heard in forever, I hope you know. I'm totally gonna spoil that kid rotten, and I'm not even sorry, fyi."
K leaned her head on Kate's shoulder and half snuggled in. "That's nice," she said, just staying there for a moment until she finally tipped her head up at Kate. "You know what that was?"
"A congratulations?"
"A glitter pass on."
Kate raised both eyebrows and then shook her head vehemently. "No. No, no. See. You don't have a demon father-in-law. No."
"Are you sure? I've never met any family of his but Daken? And … little more than a tiny bit evil."
"This is true. But Daken doesn't sit around waiting for grandbabies to sacrifice."
"No, he hit on me and tried to cop a feel then turned around and called me a skank the next time I saw him. Because … jealous big brother. Apparently."
"He's just annoyed because clearly this one will get spoiled rotten and he had to make himself rotten and spoiled," Kate said semi-seriously before she let out a little laugh.
K held her breath for just a moment. "You are not instilling great faith in the future for me here."
"What? You don't want me spoiling him or her rotten? Because I'm sorry, but that ship has sailed. There will be purple onesies."
"I do like purple," K agreed.
"Great. I'll make sure to get those and also a suitable teddy bear. Since apparently that's my job now. Teddy bear dispensary." Kate let out a little laugh.
"Your mission, should you choose to accept it — is to get your betrothed to simmer down."
"With something like this?" Kate scrunched up her nose as she thought it over. "Sorry, K, but I think you gotta give him something. Just… let him work on a project or something. So he feels like he's helping."
"Like what?" K asked, looking totally confused.
"I don't know. Let him… help book a venue or something. Just let him be useful."
"You don't seem to understand," K told her, resting her hand over Kate's. "He's now made it a point to say he can perform the ceremony himself right now. I believe he has flipped again."
"Well, he would flip if he thought it was just you two and him running off for a quick certificate signing or something," Kate pointed out. "Last I talked to him, he was still writing the best man speech for if you do let the rest of us in on the party, though. I think it's a matter of backup planning."
"That man has backups for his backups," K mused, then paused and raised a single eyebrow as a thought seemed to occur to her. "Maybe that's it."
"Maybe what's it?" Kate asked.
"I could just hand the whole damn thing over to him. I really don't have an opinion on flowers and crap like that. And, he knows Logan best — why not?"
Kate broke into a wide grin at that. "Oh, that — that's both dangerous and totally genius."
"Hello, have we met? That's where 99% of my plans fall."
"You know he'll rope me in, right?" Kate pointed out.
"Then I'll make that a condition. You can't help. You have a real actual big deal to plan."
Kate had to laugh at that. "I don't mind, I'm just saying — you know if you give him free rein, it means he'll just… run with it."
"Fine," K said with a shrug. "Whatever."
Kate nodded thoughtfully. "Conditions," she said suddenly. "You turn it over to him, but I get to help you find a dress."
"No one is going to care about the dress," K said with a sigh.
"Yeah, but that's my favorite part, and you can't give it to a fuzzy blue demon with the fashion sense of an 18th century pirate," Kate insisted, her eyes as wide as she could make them.
"Fair point," she agreed. "Okay. It's yours."
Kate grinned. "Awesome. Don't worry, my friend — I'll find you something that won't show even the tiniest of bumps."
"Honestly, I think I've got a bit of time," she said. "As long as it's not a winter thing. Or — if it is — next winter."
"Yeah, we're doing the winter wedding, and I've already got the cathedral booked, so no, not sharing," Kate teased.
"No interest in that at all," K agreed.
Kate looked thoughtful for another moment before she said. "You should… hint to Logan that he might want to double-check the guest list. Just because Kurt has way more faith in people than… you know. Is normal."
"What do you mean?"
She shrugged up to her ears. "He's still half-convinced inviting Susan won't be a disaster," she said in a whisper. "So I don't exactly trust his judgement on inviting family members."
"Give that … to Scott if he needs a project. I can't see Logan taking the time."
"Fair point." Kate nodded thoughtfully. "Yes. Yes, I think I can coordinate these boys successfully."
K extended her hand to Kate. "Best of luck."
Kate grinned as she shook K's hand. "Tell that to the boys we're drafting," she teased.
"Kurt will do it," K said easily. "And Scott .. sounded like he was in Kurt's camp. You know, the scandalized-sounding one?"
"Scott will hold the shotgun," Kate teased. "And glare at Logan. It'll be hilarious."
"Pretty sure I'm the one he'd be aiming at," K teased.
"Oh, but he wants to glare at Logan. Let him be happy," Kate laughed.
"He does that every day," K pointed out. "He's sad if he can't glare at him."
"With those big, sad, brown, puppy dog eyes of his," Kate giggled.
"So pretty." She got to her feet. "We should go tell the minions the plan."
"Yes," Kate agreed fervently as she pulled out a few bills to leave a tip at the table. "Wait til we see the look on Scott's face when he finds out I'm the boss of him on this one."
"Please, please shove it in his face," K said. "And then ... after I finally make myself go see Henry … you can go with me when we let Jubes and Noh hear the news."
"There will be high-pitched squealing," Kate promised her.
"And Jubilee might even get excited too."
Kate snickered at that and nodded as the two of them headed back for Scott's car. But halfway across the parking lot, the girls stopped short when they saw the massive men leaning against Scott's car. "Well, shit," K muttered quietly.
"Guess we're gonna have to do a little bit of the danger thing. The boys will be so annoyed," Kate said as she settled into a fighting stance. "Don't worry. I'll tell them I did all the heavy lifting."
K popped her claws and joined Kate. "I'm sure that sounds both believable and reasonable."
"I was overcome with overprotectiveness and simply wiped the floor with them before you even got the chance."
K smirked her way, then turned quickly as two huge men behind them slipped up, grabbed both of them around the arms, and hauled them backwards.