Author's Note:
Short chapter but gets quite kinky near the end...
"Jack, you idiot" said Martha before the Doctor could have yelled the same "That's no sex position... oh, for God's sake... Sorry, Doctor, didn't mean to. But I can't swear to your stellar constellations, I can't get them right."
"You have a one-track mind" the Doctor shook his head while Martha grabbed the bottles with the meds in again.
"I thought you liked that about me" replied Jack and moved over to the Doctor's bed to sit down beside him "And could anyone please explain this to me?"
Martha had picked up the fuzzy creature as the Doctor stopped her.
"No, Martha you're holding it upside down."
"There's no back and front to that thing, there's no head or tail; it's only fur!" snapped Martha while shaking it gently.
"And what is that thing?" asked Jack. Martha considered her next action for a moment before throwing the thing at Jack and heading for the next room.
"Martha!" the Doctor yelled after her.
"He can't die! Let him take care of that thing!" was Martha's answer as she was already heading for the Tardis.
The Doctor sighed as Jack stared at the ball of fur in his hands.
"And what is that?" he asked the Doctor.
"It's a paneopal puffy, Jack, and please don't try flirting with it because it might already be asleep" stated the Doctor and folded his arms again.
"Oh, aren't you a fluffy cutie" smiled Jack and stroked it carefully.
"Jack" the Doctor's words were an imperative warning "Don't even think about it."
"About what?" asked Jack?
"About what you usually think" replied the Doctor.
"I always think about IT" Jack chuckled and turned the small creature around in his hands.
"We too used to have furry rats" explained Jack "but they had only had three legs. Or four, at the most."
Spare legs hadn't been such a bad idea, the Doctor thought to himself.
Silence spread through the room as the Doctor buttoned his shirt while Jack had only eyes for the Doctor's small furry friend… with the six legs.
"I'm always amazed at where you get those things" explained Jack while he toyed with the ball of fur.
"It was a gift" mumbled the Doctor and added in a lower voice "And it was supposed to kill me."
"Who gave it to you?" asked Jack.
"A friend from the Academy; he said I should keep it within reach."
"Okay" Jack faced the Doctor "And what was his name?
"Koschei."
Jack burst out laughing.
"Oh, you think this is funny?" asked the Doctor unnerved "Well it isn't! I could have been killed!"
"You took a gift from him?" repeated Jack disbelievingly "Wasn't Koschei the…"
"The Master's name at the Academy, yes Jack. I reckon that you do remember what I tell you. Well I could have managed without that."
"Why did you keep it?" asked Jack after he'd calmed down a bit. He cleared his throat to stop himself from giggling again.
"Because it means a lot to me" replied the Doctor and sighed. His facial expression became more sternly. "And I can't simply throw it away. It was a gift, even if it was from Koschei. But there were times when… he wasn't always like this, you know? Well, of course he was like this… but he wouldn't have simply killed people out of enjoyment but because it had been his duty… Oh, well…"
The Doctor sighed before snatching the paneopal puffy from Jack. He eyed it up carefully from fur to toe.
"You know Jack…" the Doctor stated quietly but got Jack's attention nonetheless "Somehow it had always reminded me of him. Quiet…somewhat fluffy…somehow cute…inconspicuous… and yet highly explosive."
Jack backed away from the creature in an instant.
"And you let me hold that thing?"
"Don't worry, it won't go off" explained the Doctor "It won't blow its stack."
The Doctor could literally heard Jack smirking beside him.
"Jack, you idiot, you're disgusting" sighed the Doctor and pulled a wry face. "How can you make smut jokes about my paneopal puffy?"
"I've never heard that name before" Jack giggled "But I don't have anything against calling your…"
"Oh, for Kasterborous sake" snapped the Doctor and held the ball of fur directly into Jack's face "That's a paneopal puffy. Not what you were thinking about. It's Gallifreyan, 'papal' is a children's word for 'small thing' 'neo' means as much as 'new' and there's nothing perverted about it."
"And what does 'puffy' mean?" asked Jack.
The Doctor placed the fuzzy creature in his lap and folded his arms.
"Some words are intergalactic" replied the Doctor in a huff.
Jack stroked the creature tenderly.
"Somehow it's sweet" he chuckled.
"I don't like it when you say such things" mumbled the Doctor "And I don't like your hands in my lap."
"Oh, Doctor" moaned Jack and breathed out deeply "You do like my hands right where they are."
The back of Jack's hand stroked the Doctor's stomach unintentionally while Jack fumbled around with the snoozy creature. The Doctor felt as if something had stung him, as if something had slashed his bruised skin.
But he knew what it was immediately.
He was plagued by a guilty conscience.
He had to tell Jack.
And if he wouldn't Martha would sure do it on his behalf in the near future.
"Jack…" the Doctor started with a tender voice "Jack, tell me. What was it the Master used to call you? Your race and all?"
"Apes" replied Jack without even thinking about it "Though you used to say that it was a threat to all simians if someone would dare to call me ape."
He smiled but the Doctor wasn't in the mood for this.
"Right, Jack. He called you 'ape'. And thereby he referred to the descent of man, to the human origin."
"I still think he wanted to insult me" Jack went on.
The Doctor rolled his eyes.
"Jack, you're missing the point. It's not about insults it's about ancestry."
The Doctor leaned back while Jack wouldn't stop fondling the paneopal puffy as well as its owner's lap.
"It's funny, really. Do you know to what species Time Lords are closest?"
Jack searched his mind for a smut remark but couldn't think of one. Eventually he shrugged.
"Seahorses" replied the Doctor.
"How can anyone be related to seahorses?" asked Jack. The Doctor picked up the paneopal puffy and smacked Jack with it.
Jack placed a hand on his right temple.
"That thing is pretty solid" gasped Jack.
The Doctor smiled. "Time Lord technology. So it's probably bigger on the inside, too.
Jack, you're missing the point again. Of course Time Lords are related to seahorses. Do you think such beautiful and peculiar creatures just pop out of nowhere? They're aliens, Jack. As well as sea stars, but let's not talk about them… they're rather strange…"
"Seahorses are aliens?" repeated Jack disbelievingly.
"Yes and I'd suggest you'd start buying diving suits soon if you want to lock up all of them. Sorry, Jack, just a Torchwood joke. The point is: Seahorses are aliens. You should have noticed that Jack. Seahorses are different. Their behaving… their interaction… their courtship…"
"Time Lords are doing a 'predawn dance' too?" asked Jack baffled.
The Doctor raised his paneopal puffy and smacked him over the head once more.
"After this is over please remind me why I'm doing this…" mumbled the Doctor grumpily and threw the furry creature to the foot of the bed.
The Doctor sighed and folded his arms. Jack wouldn't stop pawing the Doctor's lap.
"What is special about seahorses?" asked the Doctor.
Jack considered this for a moment.
"They are… small… they are a unique shape…"
The Doctor nodded and signalized Jack to go on
"They are cute…?"
"Cute?" repeated the Doctor and lifted his eyebrows "You think seahorses are cute?"
"Well, they look cute they way the swim, the way they wrap their tales around corals…" Jack proceeded but got interrupted by the Doctor:
"Seriously cute, Jack? I mean, you call me cute, you tell me that I'm cute all the time. But a seahorse… you consider seahorses to be cute, too, Jack? The same way as you call me cute?" "Doctor, let's not make a fuss about it…"
"No, Jack. You think seahorses are cute. And that's just wrong!"
Jack gave the Doctor an irritated look. Martha had mentioned that he wasn't feeling well. But she hadn't mentioned that he had finally snapped.
Jack tried calming the Doctor by caressing his shoulders. The Doctor eyed him up suspiciously.
"Are you sexually attracted to seahorses, Jack? Are you?"
"What?" Jack stared at the Doctor and furrowed his brows "Doctor…?"
"Just tell me Jack. Have you ever been sexually attracted to a seahorse Jack? Ever in your entire life?"
Jack sighed and stopped fondling the Doctor.
"So you have been sexually attracted to seahorses. That's just gross!"
"You told me that Time Lords were related to seahorses" Jack tried to defend himself.
"Being sexually attracted to a Time Lord is nearly as gross as being sexually attracted to a seahorse" replied the Doctor.
Jack cocked an eyebrow at him.
"But you know, it's hard not being sexually attracted to a seahorse… they look so sweet… they come in beautiful colors, their snouts look rather tempting…"
"Jack, you do realize that this is even more of a turnoff?" explained the Doctor and increased the grip on his own arms.
"Time Lord's mouths weren't made for giving away humorous remarks, I get that" Jack chuckled while stroking the Doctor's cheeks "but I do have some ideas what else could be done with them."
The Doctor shrugged. "Not as disgusting as the seahorse-sex-talk. You're getting closer."
Jack sighed and searched the Doctor's face, obviously lost in thought. But the Doctor could tell right away when Jack had returned. There was this slinky smile again that even Doctor couldn't resist.
"Maybe I should show you first what I'm talking about" explained Jack and pushed back the sheets before lunging himself at the Doctor's groin.
...but the big question is: What IS special about seahorses? (Anyone got the Doctor's hint?)
If Jack would have been a bit more attentive during biology lessons he definitely would have known...