Author's Note: A bit more romance in this chapter (finally!) and the next one will probably be a bit more dirty...
Jack's back was rested against the solid door of the Tardis.
It didn't seem as if time had actually passed. It didn't seem to him at all as if he was still alive.
He bumped his head on the door as he leaned back again.
He'd done it.
He'd finally brought up the confidence to give the ring to the Doctor.
Jack had finally proposed to the Doctor.
Kind of. In a way. But he definitely had meant to propose to him, though he hadn't said a word.
Well, he couldn't. He couldn't have said anything.
And the Doctor had taken the ring. He'd accepted the ring from him.
But that was it.
No sparkling moments.
No atmosphere that would have caused your spine to start tingling all over.
No romance.
Nothing.
The Doctor had put on the ring and had thanked him.
But he hadn't meant to thank him.
He had felt obliged to thank Jack for his effort, or he'd simply tried to make the whole scene more bearable for Jack.
And he'd smiled. He'd smiled the scared smile of those who have faced Death and know that they're bound to return to him.
Jack banged his head against the wall again.
Time had stopped for him.
Since the Doctor had locked the door... nothing had happened.
Nothing.
Jack's mind was a blank sheet. He wouldn't have come to notice that hours had passed because he was in a subbasement somewhere in Cardiff after he'd seen the Tardis materializing.
Jack never would have believed that there were feelings worse and far more humiliating than shy and reticent.
But now he knew.
He felt hollow.
He felt forcefully opened and hollowed out.
It wasn't as if the Doctor had trampled his feelings or stepped on his tail.
Jack was even too hollow to make a smut remark out of the previous thought (regarding the stepping on the tail) which indicated that he was becoming depressed.
He arose quietly and sighed after catching a sad glimpse of the Tardis.
When he closed his eyes Jack would still see the mindless Doctor thanking him senselessly.
Jack leaned against the door and let out a long drawn-out sigh which merged into a surprised shriek as the door gave way and caused Jack to land on the Tardis' floor.
Jack was on his feet in an instant.
He looked around as he was still wondering how he'd gotten into the Tardis.
The Tardis had been locked from the inside; he'd made sure of that by banging his head against it and trying to smash it in for good.
Jack ruffled his hair uneasily as he strode around and approached the staircase leading into the bottomless depths of the Tardis.
No Doctor around here.
"Doctor?" he shouted uneasy.
There was no reply.
Jack shifted while considering his next moves before deciding to go downstairs.
He wouldn't stop shouting on his way down, though he didn't get an answer. The only thing greeting him was a strange and acrid stench.
"Doctor, can you hear me?"
Jack had reached the first subbasement and looked around. If only the Tardis wasn't lit everywhere, mumbled Jack quietly as he tried listening instead of shouting; then he probably would have known where to go. But there were innumerable corridors leading to innumerable rooms.
He sighed as he felt the stench intensifying.
And yet the Doctor wouldn't reply when his name was called.
"Doctor... please, I'm sorry for... well, for disturbing you," Jack went on and sighed as he rushed down the stairs, "I didn't mean to come here in the first place. I mean... of course I meant to come here, I'm so sorry Doctor! But I didn't mean to break into your Tardis."
There was a distant thudding sound. Jack stopped at the end of another staircase.
"You what?!" he heard a familiar voice yelling from underneath.
Jack ran down the stairs.
"I didn't mean to... she... well, I guess she simply gave way under my weight... But please Doctor... I just... I just wanted to be with you..."
Jack thought it to be a lot easier to talk to an absent Time Lord than talking to one in person;
especially when it was a specimen as timid and untrusting as the Doctor.
"Really Doctor... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to invade your privacy... but the Tardis simply gave in."
Jack stood in a corridor. He could see that one of the doors was slightly ajar.
He approached carefully.
The stench nearly caused him to faint.
"Well, you know the old saying," the Doctor obviously couldn't bite back his cockiness, "'The wiser head gives in' and we all know who that is, don't we, Jack?"
Jack pushed the door open and sighed again after light fumes passed by his head.
"Not again, Doctor. I thought we'd already been through that."
"What's the matter, Jack? I'm just enjoying myself, that's all. And I needed something to take my mind off things."
"But again... I mean, why does it have to be... cooking?"
"There's nothing wrong with broaden one's horizon from time to time. Do you want a bite?"
Strange vapours escaped small boiling kettles and Jack caught a displeased glimpse of a suspicious looking liquid as the Doctor turned to face him.
Jack tried to overlook the ridiculous apron he was wearing.
There were more important things to discuss now.
"I apologize for invading your privacy," explained Jack as his gaze drifted downwards. His eyes rested on the Doctor's hands, on his delicate fingers. He had to smile as soon as he'd found the small sparkling spot.
"I'll forgive you," replied the Doctor without meaning it, either because he didn't care or because he hadn't listened.
He turned around to face the stove again.
Jack frowned.
He hated those moments. No matter how hard he considered his next moves and no matter in what chary way he tried to talk to the Doctor about something unpleasant it would always result in the Doctor snapping at him before the Doctor would ask him to leave it be.
And then the Doctor would look him in the eye and Jack would see the infinite ocean of sadness filling the Doctor's eyes and then he wouldn't oppose against the Doctor's suggestion and simply nod.
Coming to think about it Jack and the Doctor wouldn't need to get married.
Apparently they were an elderly married couple; at least if you judged them by the way they'd try to sort out their repetitive quarrels.
Jack placed a hand on the Doctor's shoulder. He sighed and frowned again.
"Doctor," he mumbled quietly, "What's wrong?"
The Doctor nodded without giving him the attention he had needed.
Jack took a deep breath and came closer. He wrapped his arms around the Doctor's shoulders and rested his head against the Doctor's.
"Jack, I'm busy," was the only comment the Doctor would give Jack pertaining to the increased body contact.
"Doctor, we need to talk," stated Jack firmly and stroked the Doctor's shoulders.
"No, we don't," replied the Doctor and shifted a bit as he tried futilely to free himself from Jack's firm grip.
"Jack, you're clinging again."
"We need to talk," repeated Jack and increased his grip.
"And what do you want to talk about?" hissed the Doctor as he pushed his temples against Jack's, secretly hoping he'd thereby give him a proper blow on the head.
Jack grabbed the Doctor's left hand and lifted it by wrapping his fingers around the Doctor's ring finger. He pulled their hands towards the Doctor's face and waved the Doctor's hand gently as he presented the ring on his ring finger to him.
The Doctor didn't take his eyes off the filigree metal.
"It's lovely," the Doctor stated unmoved. As he realized that Jack wasn't going to say anything he added unemotionally: "Do you want it back?"
Jack bit his lower lip.
Somehow that had hurt. And it hadn't only hurt his feelings.
It stung. Right there, in his chest. It stung;
As if the Doctor had thrust something solid inside of him and was now cautiously removing it with bare hands.
"Do you want it...?" the Doctor repeated, unsure if Jack hadn't heard him, but Jack cut him off.
"No."
The Doctor sighed and Jack released his grip on him.
"Just keep it. I don't care for whatever reason you're going to keep it, but just keep it."
Jack spotted a chair and sat down with sloping shoulders. He sighed and buried his head in his hands as he shook it.
The Doctor considered Jack's comment again while he stared at the small golden ring.
The Doctor's gaze drifted towards Jack and rested on the slumped figure he'd become.
He tried to focus on a thought; probably for the first time since a long time.
"What is it, Jack?"
Jack lifted his head as he the Doctor spoke quietly.
"A gift from a friend?" the Doctor asked and added a trifle quieter "Or the gift from a lover?"
The sudden silence startled the Doctor.
The only thing spoiling the moment right now was probably the constant bubbling sounds as the kettles lifted their own lids.
Jack arrived at the conclusion that he'd rather bite off his own tongue and swallow it than give the Doctor the reply he would have expected.
He was already too hurt to give the Doctor the satisfaction of knowing that he loved him and that he'd always love him no matter how many times the Doctor would humiliate him by his cold-heartedness.
The Doctor's eyes focussed on the ring again.
He moved his hand slightly and regarded it; probably for real for the first time; probably with different eyes.
But as he saw it his eyes began to glisten.
The inner dark and damp madness inside of his skull vanished slowly as it was chased away by the shining small ring.
He opened his mouth and shut it again without saying a word.
His eyes opened wider.
Jack couldn't suppress a proud smile as the Doctor said finally those words he'd been waiting for all the time.
"It's beautiful."
And though Jack knew that he was only humiliating himself he jumped from his seat and embraced the Doctor tightly.
"No way!"
"I don't know, Jack. Probably wouldn't have been that bad."
"Just keep telling that yourself."
"It wouldn't have killed you. Not for long."
"How thoughtful."
"Jack, I don't know why you're making a fuss about it. You would have been perfect."
"Because I can't die but you know that I would have died if I had tasted it?"
"No."
"Really, Doctor?"
Jack folded his arms and leaned back in the uncomfortable chair in the Doctor's library. He cocked an eyebrow at the Doctor.
The Doctor sighed and waved his arms.
"Alright, alright. You probably would have experienced some side effects. But, and I'd like to make that absolutely clear, it wouldn't have killed you."
"Yes, because I can't die!" replied Jack and shifted uneasily in the chair.
"What kind of a chair is this anyway?" he asked and pulled at the cloth covering it.
"An uncomfortable one. And no, Jack, before you ask, it's not a typical Gallifreyan chair.
And Time Lords don't have a different spine, or whatever it was you were going to say.
It's just an average, normal and uncomfortable chair."
Jack arose before he removed the chair's cover.
"Nope," Jack sighed and threw the cloth at the Doctor, "It's not a chair at all."
The Doctor stared at the piles of books and sighed. He arose from his seat.
"I've always wondered why it slackened from time to time..." mumbled the Doctor and offered Jack his seat, "Sorry, Jack."
Jack smiled and sat down with the Time Lord placed in his lap.
The Doctor rested his head against Jack's shoulder.
Jack stroked the Doctor's thighs and sighed.
"Would you mind to remove the apron?" asked Jack.
The Doctor looked down and only now came to notice that he was still wearing it.
Of course he didn't mind taking it off but just out of childish curiosity he countered:
"Yes, why?"
"Because I..." began Jack but broke off.
"Go on, Jack," the Doctor encouraged him, "What is it about my apron?"
"It's... it looks rather... urgh... ridiculous."
The Doctor turned his head and faced Jack with a cocked eyebrow.
"No offence, really," added Jack quietly.
"What's wrong with it?" asked the Doctor and ran his fingers over the thin fabric.
"Is it the colour?"
"No," replied Jack and lied because the deep orange not only didn't suit the Doctor but was so disgusting you could literally hear it screaming all the time. "It's just... the whole thing... you know... I don't want to start with the strange stitching..."
"It's hand embroidered and it's silk," countered the Doctor.
"And it's Gallifreyan," added Jack, "So what does it actually say?"
The Doctor opened his mouth and thought better of answering; he shut his mouth again and looked aside.
"Nothing."
Jack folded his arms around the Doctor's chest.
"You don't want to tell me?"
"I don't need to," replied the Doctor.
"Of course you don't need to and I can't force you into it," stated Jack before adding, "And what does it say?"
The Doctor sighed unnerved; though he had to admit that it hadn't been such a bad idea not telling Jack how to read Gallifreyan.
"Nothing important," replied the Doctor, "It's nothing worth mentioning. It's just a saying you'll find on a lot of aprons; just a slogan."
"Alright, alright," Jack breathed out deeply and patted the Doctor's shoulders.
"I'm sorry for asking. I didn't know you'd make such a fuss about it."
The Doctor shrugged. He couldn't deny that he did make a fuss about it; he seemed to make a fuss about everything.
It must be the hormones, he caught himself thinking and instantly drew in a sharp breath.
Oh, he hated himself for those thoughts. Those constant reminders...
Jack caressed the Doctor's thighs and moved towards his uneasily arched pelvis.
One sure advantage of wearing the apron, the Doctor realized, was that Jack wouldn't come to notice that the Doctor's abdominal girth had dramatically increased.
Now all the Doctor needed was a good reason for not taking the apron off ever again...
He sighed quietly and caught a glimpse of the ring on his finger again.
"Do you like it?" asked Jack a bit sheepishly; but it made the Doctor smile nonetheless.
"It's beautiful, Jack," sighed the Doctor, "and I'm sorry for spoiling your big and romantic moment."
"It was neither big nor romantic," countered Jack.
"Yes, but you had wanted it to be," replied the Doctor.
"No I didn't and stop contradicting me. It... it just happened this way. But it doesn't matter. It's not the moment that counts; it's the decision you made."
Jack stroked the Doctor's cheeks tenderly.
"How could I be mad at you for one day when I know you'll love me for the rest of my life?"
"My life, Jack," corrected the Doctor, "I'll love you for the rest of my life."
"Same thing isn't it?" asked Jack after giving it some thought.
The Doctor shook his head. A small glowing spark, which had brightened up his hazel eyes, dimmed slowly, forcing his eyes back into darkness.
The Doctor' eyelids shut and he took a deep breath, sucking in Jack's sweet odour.
And then he said something he knew he'd regret.
"I love you, Jack."
And he regretted it instantly.
He hated himself for being stupid and as hopelessly romantic as the human being he'd spent far too much time with.
But thankfully he realized that this human being from the fifty-first century was nearly as stupid as him, mainly by feeling it caressing his cheeks with its tongue and replying softly:
"I'll always love you, Doctor; and you know it," before kissing him passionately.