Chapter Fifteen

Rick's POV

Several days later...

I could barely keep my eyes closed because every time I did, I would still see her.

She hadn't deserved that...no one did.

She must have been in...such horrible pain...and scared...and...Carl had...

I turned over on my cot again to ward off the nausea returning, my hands shaking even though I kept them close to my body.

I hated that I hadn't been there.

I will always hate myself for not being there.

I had too many thoughts in my mind; each one feeling like they were stabbing me to death. I couldn't make a decision, I couldn't even try to get up from my bed. I felt weighed down and shattered at the same time.

Lori was gone.

Carl had to have been hurting just as much as I was.

And the baby...

My brand new baby girl...perfect in every way...will never know her mother.

How am I supposed to do this alone?

More tears started to prick at my eyes, causing them to sting as I grit my teeth and balled up my fists in the thin bedsheets.

Knock. Knock.

I opened my eyes but didn't move at the hesitant tapping at my cell door.

"Hi, R-Rick...I just wanted to check on you. We're all worried about you. You...uh...haven't been eatin' or seein' anyone and..." sounded a sweet, shy voice as she spoke to me from the door, giving me my space.

It was Beth Greene, the youngest of Hershel's daughters that we had met back on their farm.

I breathed a little easier knowing it was someone like her who genuinely meant well and would not come with too many questions.

I slowly sat up and leaned against the cold stone wall.

"How's the group?" I asked after a beat.

She looked surprised at the question and fumbled a bit for an answer.

I was patient because her company was actually taking my mind off of everything and was making me feel better, more grounded.

"Oh! Oh, we're just fine! Really, you shouldn't be worried about us," Beth supplied cheerfully, "...I brought you somethin' to eat if you want. You don't have to eat it now, but...we just wanted you to have it in case you get hungry."

I watched as she carefully set down a bowl of soup and a few crackers on the small table next to me.

I breathed a smile, saying thank you to the girl, as I shimmed to the edge of the bed so I could plant my feet on the floor and scrub my hands over my face for a moment.

She turned to leave but stopped, her eyes blinking rapidly a few times as she must have just thought of something to tell me.

"It's been really great having Daryl back..."she stated, "...he's been...asking about you a lot...jus' wonderin' if you're okay."

I kind of perked up a little upon hearing that Daryl had been asking about me, lifting my gaze to meet Beth's large blue eyes and reading her sincerity there.

I nodded in understanding.

"Well, I'll uh...I'll be sure to talk to him later. Thanks," I even managed a small smirk which seemed to delight the girl immensely.

It had been my first positive reaction in days, so I understood.

I did not lie back down after she left.

X

The next day...

I sat on the cool concrete floor of the cell block, my back against the wall and my new baby girl in my arms.

I felt calmer but not yet ready to lead again.

Everyone had been taking their time with me and I appreciated it immensely.

Dealing with the death of my wife had been the hardest thing I had had to do up to this point and I knew a part of me was broken permanently.

We had been drifting apart from each other for quite some time while she was pregnant and the group was constantly on the move. It had been tough on all of us...and at the time, I still blamed some part of her for what had happened with Shane.

Regardless of all that, now knowing that she was gone...having died giving birth to this precious bundle in my arms right now...it was still so hard to live with.

Just then, a tall presence shyly looming over me snapped me from my darkening thoughts and caught my attention.

Daryl.

He looked nervous as he shifted the weight of his crossbow a little higher along his shoulder, his eyes downcast.

I could not help but smirk a little bit at the redneck and promptly scooted over so he could sit with his back against the wall beside me.

Judith was sleeping against my chest with only tiny murmurs escaping her from time to time.

After a moment, Daryl carefully placed his crossbow on the floor and then sank down to sit next to me and the baby.

As expected, Daryl was silent but in this moment I especially appreciated how quiet everything was.

It was peaceful, sitting here with Daryl next to me, the both of us just watching the baby sleep, and I suddenly felt a lot better.

I craned my neck to fully look upon the archer beside me, candidly watching as his hard features softened as he kept his eyes on Judith.

He was stunning like this...and I was grateful that he was here.

"I owe you, Daryl. I owe you everything," I whispered somberly to the man beside me, keeping my level gaze on his surprised expression, "...my little girl is here because of you."

He looked away, embarrassed, and stuttered.

"N-nah, man, I just did what anyone would'a did...ain't nothin' special," he tried to downplay his good deeds and courage he had shown.

I smirked and softly shook me head so I did not disturb the baby. How could he say he hadn't done anything special? How could he not know his worth...

"Not just anyone would have stepped up like you did. I'm grateful, Daryl. I really am. And you are special. You're special to me. You kept this group together when I couldn't," I stated in a no-nonsense voice, catching the quick glance he gave me and watched him swallow hard at my words.

"We were all worried about ya there in them tombs, man," he said more than quietly, his timid words making my eyes soften even more at him, knowing what he may really be trying to tell me.

"Were you?" I prompted perhaps a bit cheekily, wanting to see him flush with embarrassment again.

However, his mouth set to a hard frown, his eyes glaring at the opposite wall from us.

"You're damn right I was..." he voiced lowly, hurt in his voice which struck me firmly in the gut with regret for even asking, "...we didn't know if you was gon' come back at all, Rick. Didn't know what the fuck was goin' on. Lotta people got scared."

Judith shifted again so I carefully stood up, Daryl also standing as soon as I did.

He was tense, his own words having reminding him of his recent strife and his eyes were glued to the floor.

I gently laid the baby on her back in her makeshift bassinet which was more or less an old mail carrier box stuffed with the softest blankets we had. Once I was sure she was comfortable and not going to wake up immediately, I turned from her and fixed the archer with a stern look.

"I'm not going anywhere. I just needed that time to...deal with everything that had happened," I reasoned with the perturbed man in front of me, following the movements of his eyes which were looking at everything in the cell but me at the moment, "...hey...look at me, Daryl."

Then, taking me completely by surprise in the most astonishing of ways, Daryl took the only step that separated us and circled his heavy arms around me in a tight embrace.

His cheek pressed against my chest and his hands squeezed into the folds of the shirt at my back, and I could feel him take a deep breath as if he could now finally relax.

Oh, Daryl...I'm sorry.

I wrapped my arms around him at once, wanting to comfort him and let him know that everything was going to be okay now. I was back...and we were together again.

We would get through this just like we did everything else.

I kissed his hair, not even caring if he would hate it, and reached a hand up to grasp at the back of his neck.

I used my hold on him to encourage him to lift his head up from my chest so I may look upon him once more and see those unique eyes I have come to crave so much.

As soon as he did, I crushed our mouths together, needing it and the amazing solace he brought me when we were close like this.

He seemed to reciprocate the feeling as he welcomed my kiss fully, letting me control him however I wanted and he hummed low in his throat when I tightened my grip in his hair.

The bowman trembled just for the tiniest second but it had felt like an earthquake to me and I broke off our kiss so I may place hurried, butterfly kisses across his cheek and down his neck. I needed to show him affection; I needed to reaffirm that I cared for him so much and was so sorry for making him worry and have to work extra hard for the group.

Daryl's strong arms squeezed me tighter as if to tell me that it was all okay now and a small gasp escaped him when I nipped at his Adam's apple. I breathed a smile against his moistened flesh before speaking.

"Tonight..." I purred against his skin before scraping the scruff of my cheek against his throat, "...I'll find you tonight. I promise. Wait for me..."

I had needed his touches more than I had realized. His embrace right now, and our rushed kisses...how could I have postponed this?

He was already soothing my troubled mind and aching heart. He was already casting away the cold that had overtaken me fully once Lori had died. He was already helping me even though our arrangement was for the other way around.

I knew I was still grieving and needed to grieve.

But...I needed him, too.

There was absolutely no question – our agreement as it once had been was long over. I think it had been over for quite some time, and it was so for one unmistakable reason.

I loved him.

I loved him so much it hurt.