Normally when I stand on the infestation pier, I feel the most overwhelming sense of relief. For a single, precious hour, my voice is my own again. My /life/ is my own again. This time my Yeerk wasn't here to feed, though. This time he was being awarded the equivalent of a medal by his commanding officer. A being whose very breathing made me grateful that my bladder was not mine to lose anymore, because uncontrolled I'd surely have pissed myself in his presence.
If you've never seen an Andalite before - and, let's face it, you probably haven't - being next to any adult male is a little intimidating. The Andalite tail blade is twice the size of a human hand and at the end of a tail that's twice as long as our arms. The upper body doesn't demonstrate much in the way of strength, but the large horse-like body gives the impression that an Andalite could easily trample a person if they wanted to. Add the feeling of unchecked viciousness that always seems to emanate from Visser One in particular and it doesn't make for an occasion that one can truly call "happy", even if they are there for an honored reason.
«My lieutenants,» the Visser began, trotting up and down the line of soldiers on the pier. «You have been selected because you are most loyal among Yeerks. You have all accomplished much in moving forward the invasion of Earth. Your host bodies are also human children - just like the human children who currently mock and elude us.» One stalk eye swiveled to glare at Tom, who was standing on the edge of the pier with the morphing cube in his hands. He had looked almost cocky until that moment; the Visser's implied rebuke sent a chill up his spine.
«We have already given the morphing power to Yeerks with adult human and Hork-Bajir hosts, but my advisors suggest that these human rebels have managed to survive this long because they think differently from the established human organizations that we have studied. I believe this to be folly; excuses by ingrates who are unable to admit their failure.» Again, the Visser glared angrily in the direction of several present human-Controllers, including Chapman this time. Still, for the Visser, this was a good mood. «However, there is no harm in giving the humans as much trouble as possible. Find them. Use your hosts' memories of them. Do /not/ fail me.»
Speech ended, the Visser stepped back away from the pier and Tom started moving forward to the first of us, a sixth grade girl named Ulie. "Place your hand on the end of the cube," he said. She did, pulling it back after a moment. Apparently she received some kind of a shock or something, but she looked otherwise unphased.
Then, Tom approached Jason and repeated the instruction. Jason touched the cube more prepared, and didn't actually pull his hand back. But you could see his arm twitch. I could tell my Yeerk was a little nervous about being next, but he still nodded at Tom and reached my hand out towards the cube. When "we" touched it, a small shock, like a tingle, swept through my body. Of course, I didn't feel it as acutely as the Yeerk - I was merely aware of it, the actual sensation was his. But it was more goosebump than pain.
"Weird," the Yeerk muttered. Then he looked to Jason/Cylus and grinned. "Whole new game now, isn't it?"
Tom gave the morphing power to two more human-Controllers, a short, redheaded sixth grader named Rob and a fellow eighth grader named Eileen. Then he glanced us all over. "There are three birds locked up in the human feeding area. Acquire them by touching their bodies and focusing on their form. Then go out and get some practice at flying. Tonight we're going to do a sweep for the rebel camp; report to the schoolyard after dusk. Dismissed."
I didn't even get my moment to gloat. I didn't even get to form the thought coherently enough to recognize it as my own before the Yeerk blabbed it aloud, using my voice. "Sir," the Yeerk said, approaching Tom, "My host has expressed a new discontent. He seeks to use my morphing power to escape while I'm feeding in the pool."
Tom nodded. "Several hosts, including my own, had that thought. We're keeping the involuntary ones contained in Ramonite boxes while their Yeerks feed. There've been a couple of nothlits, but no major problems. Do you believe your host would attempt to make himself a nothlit?"
«What's a nothlit?» I asked my Yeerk - I'd never heard the term before.
«Someone who stays in a morph beyond the two hour limit,» the Yeerk explained. «More than two hours and a being becomes permanently trapped in the morph.»
The Yeerk didn't even wait for my thoughts on the matter - he knew them better than I did. "No, my host won't trap himself and he values his free time in the cages too much to run the risk of having us stun him every three days. He could be easily pacified by having him in a cage with another human." Privately, he added to me, «I bet you know /which/ human I have in mind, too.»
«You're not taking Eric, Yeerk,» I boasted confidently. «He's too smart to let himself be recruited by the Sharing.»
My Yeerk laughed silently in my head, a laugh that I could tell from our empathic link had no joy in it. «Haven't you been paying attention? It would be merciful on him if I did manage to take him now. Soon the only humans without Yeerks will be dead humans.»
The meeting wrapped up, my Yeerk and the other new morph-capable human-Controllers went to the feeding area for human-Controllers. Surely enough, in one corner of the room there were three birds in cages. One had the words "Peregrine Falcon" marked below it, another "Red-Tailed Hawk", and a third, "Golden Eagle". It was easy to see where the eagle and hawk got their names from, but the falcon was something I was left to wonder at.
I'm not an animal lover by nature, but I wanted to cry at the sight of them. The Yeerks had basically trussed the poor birds up. Beaks were covered with makeshift muzzles of clamped down steel. Wings were deliberately snapped in several places - the red-tail even had one burned off with a Dracon Beam. The air around the cages emitted an utterly foul stench, enough that even the Yeerk in my head wrinkled my nose in disgust. The tables nearest the cages were empty as no one was anxious to eat near it.
My Yeerk stuck my hand into the eagle's cage, closing my eyes as he rested my hand on it's flank. The picture of the eagle appeared in my brain, clear and strong as the Yeerk forced the neurons in my brain to concentrate on the image. That's one of the truly weird parts about being a Controller - not only do I have no control over my body, I also have to share thought space with the Yeerk. It's not that he can stop me from thinking what I want to think. But he can also make me think about /other/ things, whether I want to or not. One time, I seriously ticked him off because I told another human about some things he'd done against regulations - turned out that that human was host to Sub-Visser Seventy Three, and of course the Yeerk "overheard" the conversation when he took his host body back. So my Yeerk was placed on serving duty in the Yeerk pool cafeteria for three days. He spent the entire time making me think about eating the most disgusting things he could conjure up.
The image of the eagle in my head was peaceful by comparison. In fact, despite my expectations, he wasn't picturing it ramming it's talons into its prey and ripping the flesh off with its searing beak. No, he was picturing a nice, leisurely flight through the air. Riding a thermal and soaring, relaxing.
It was an appealing picture. Even when he opened my eyes and the sights of the Yeerk pool were once again in my field of vision, the fantasy held a small lure for me. Only when the other human-Controllers had finished acquiring their morphs and began talking about taking down the rebellion did I once again return to my self-pity and misery. Hearing them talk reminded me that the beautiful gift I was given, like everything else, wasn't even really mine. It was the Yeerk's. And like everything else in my life, the Yeerk was going to use my morphing powers to help enslave the rest of my people.
«Bitter?» the Yeerk taunted, sensing my thoughts as we walked up the stairs that led back into the middle school.
«Wouldn't you be?» I asked. «C'mon, we can morph now — you go human and I'll go Yeerk. Then you can see what it's like.» As soon as I said it, I felt a wave of uneasiness spread through his mind. I'd hit a chord. The Yeerk was bothered, somehow, by what I said.
Of course, my realizing that only made him more angry. «Yes, then you would see what it's like, human.» I waited for him to elaborate further, but he went back to ignoring me. And I went back to watching my sad, sorry life float by me.
Baseball practice was half over by the time we got back out there. My Yeerk and Jason's had made up a story about being assigned detention for pulling a prank on a teacher.
"Chapman laughed about it," Jason's Yeerk was saying. "We know from being in the Sharing with him that he's got a great sense of humor. He just said he had to give us detention so that Miss Pritchett would stop complaining."
"Wow," a boy named Cody pronounced, "I had no idea Chapman was that cool."
The idea of anyone thinking of Chapman as cool, Controller or not, was disturbing to me. I tried to say as much, which forced my Yeerk to clamp down more tightly on my brain while my mouth was saying, "Yeah, at the Sharing he's always laughing and joking with us, just like one of the gang. He even--" At this point I'd decided that I might as well try a fight, and the Yeerk actually had to struggle a moment to get me back under control before finishing, "even danced to Blink 182 with his wife the other night."
Whilst the chorus of "Ooooh" and "Wow" erupted from my teammates, the Yeerk took the moment to chastise me. «I hope you enjoyed getting that moment, slave, because you're going to spend a good solid hour regretting it!» Instantly my mind was a blur of jumbled images.. memories. Bad memories, all of them, from further back than I'd be able to consciously remember on my own. Being three years old and setting fire to the living room rug, burning my hand. Age ten, telling my older brother's girlfriend that he was seeing another girl as a joke and then feeling incredibly guilty, watching him cry for over an hour after she slapped him and stormed off. Age seven, having a fight with my mom in a department store and telling her I didn't love her anymore and running out.
The Yeerk was merciless. Almost an hour he replayed these images for me, made me remember all the horrendous things I'd done, seen, said. Even things I'd /imagined/ doing, seeing, saying. He knew me, knew me so intimately that his judgment of me was probably more accurate than anyone's ever could be.
Of course he didn't mind controlling me. Of course he felt okay with it — he was okay with it because he knew me, knew how worthless I really was and what little I'd done. I started crying and whining in my head.
Finally, the images stopped. I don't know what the Yeerk was thinking or feeling — I was still focused on myself. But after a moment I heard his thought-speak voice, more gentle. «Sorry,» he half-grumbled. A moment's hesitation, and then in a huff, he added, «You shouldn't try to test my control like that. Just… just relax for awhile.»
I ignored him as best I could, but that's not very well when you're a Controller. You can't think things about the Yeerk and hold your tongue — your tongue, figuratively and literally, belongs to your Yeerk. He listened to my feelings of anger and self-pity and despair at his words.
«Come on,» he said, «it's not that bad, is it? I mean, I understand you don't approve of the recruiting efforts. But your normal life… I'm not doing that bad a job, am I? We're well liked on the baseball team, our marks are good in school, your parents /love/ the way we keep your room--»
«Look,» I said testily, «what do you care if I'm happy or not? I'm just a lowly human, remember? Just your host. You do whatever you want.»
«I see. You feel insignificant.»
The statement outraged me. «WELL, WOULDN'T YOU?!» I screamed.
For a short time the Yeerk said nothing. I took notice of the world outside — whilst I was being tortured, baseball practice must have ended. I was back in my regular clothes, although "I" was again removing them, and with the other morph-capable human-Controllers from earlier. We were in the woods behind a field. The others were also stripping, the Yeerks' complete disregard for our humility apparent.
"Aren't we supposed to learn to morph clothing?" Rob asked the group.
"Eventually," Ulie replied, "but for now we need to concentrate on the morphing process itself. I've transmitted ahead, there will be five sets of clothing waiting for us at the Gardens by the time we get there."
«Okay,» my Yeerk said to me privately, «Let me show you something that will make you feel like you're soaring over the world.»
"Well," my mouth said, "let's do this." Instantly I saw the image in my head again, as the Yeerk focused my brain. «Eagle,» he whispered, more to himself than to me. And the changes began.
The first thing we noticed was that Rob was suddenly our height. A little bit more yellow than usual, but our height. Our nose and mouth started to curve outwards, hardening as it went. Our legs and feet also hardened, big, gigantic toenails jutting out of our toes as they merged together. It wasn't until the morph was almost complete that the feather pattern started to spread itself out, six particularly long ones acting as three "fingers" on each wing.
It was disturbing beyond all measure. My field of vision no longer seemed exactly "right" — I could see the other four Controllers, now also birds, but they didn't seem precisely where they were when I had human eyes. Beyond them, I could make out the school at the edge of the forest — although it was so far away and hidden by so many trees that my human eyes hadn't seen it. Breathing didn't feel quite the same, it was quicker and more erratic, and yet I didn't mind at all.
Something bothered me about where we were, though. Being too close to the ground was what it was. And with too many other birds of prey. What was needed was a nice, high perch, perhaps with a small stream near it. Nothing big, though — big bodies of water were trouble. They meant less prey and more volatile winds. Being more inland was safer.
We lifted off the ground and came to rest in a nearby tree, gazing down at the ground below us. There was prey, but nothing juicy enough to take a leap for yet. The smaller animals weren't worth it. Larger ones had enough meat to last the day. Higher. We needed to be higher, so we lifted up into the air. At first I thought my Yeerk had done it, ready and eager to be airborne.
My Yeerk? Oh, yes, right. I was a human-Controller in morph, not a true eagle. The thought helped me separate myself from the eagle's instincts. But I couldn't feel any of my Yeerk's emotions, the part of him he wasn't able to hide from me. He was still lost.
«Hey,» I said to the Yeerk, «Wake up.» Why I did that, I'm not sure. I could have enjoyed the freedom for a little longer. But my Yeerk snapped out of it at the sound of my "voice".
«Oh, right.» I felt him contact the eagle mind. Instinct told it to fly further from the field, further from the other birds of prey, towards a territory it could call it's own. The Yeerk was having a hard time overriding it. «Damn it, how do you control this thing?»
It took him a minute, but eventually he got it together. Got us turned around and headed back to where we came from. «Everyone still there?» he asked in open thought-speak.
«Yeah,» Jason's voice echoed, still sounding a little confused. «This flapping business is hard!»
«Just rest on one of these air patches up here,» Ulie said. «They're relaxing.» A red-tail soared past me and circled around.
«They're called thermals,» Rob amended, his peregrine falcon body arcing down into an amazingly fast dive. «WOOOOOOOO! Hah hah! Those human rebels don't stand a chance now!»
«Careful,» Jason said, «don't get /too/ cocky. They've got a lot more experience.»
«Who cares?» Rob shot back. «We've got strength in /numbers/ now. All those times they just morphed away from their injuries after all we did to them? Well, now /we/ can morph away from injuries too.»
Ulie's hawk made a "Tseeeeeeer!" noise from it's position above us. «If you don't watch for that tree, you're going to be putting that theory to the test.»
The falcon changed it's course a split second before it would have crashed into the tree. «Yikes! Okay, that was bad. But did you see the POWER in it? No wonder they could take a Hork-Bajir down in one of these.»
«Come on,» Eileen said. «Let's get to the gardens. I want to try out some of the tougher creatures this planet has to offer.»
It took us awhile, but we eventually formed into a loose squadron and flew out across the city, into the Gardens complex. There was already a landing pad for us — a completely enclosed exhibit space with a sign on it that said "Coming soon". A sarcastic Yeerk comment if ever one was made.
«Heh,» my Yeerk said privately, hearing my thought. «"Coming soon"… yes, I guess that could be a reference to our invasion. Your sense of humor always interests me.»
«Uh-huh,» I said skeptically. «Good to know you care so much about me as a person.»
We landed in the exhibit and demorphed. Once again I was looking at the world from my normal, human body. Sure enough, there were five sets of identical clothing waiting for us, proclaiming us to be on a Sharing field trip. This produced another laugh from me and, consequentially, from my Yeerk. It seemed like something Yeerks and humans had in common. Even in the midst of a mission, advertising the business was still a priority.
The Yeerks decided it would be fastest to split up, so they went about the task of travelling from cage to cage and, with the help of Controller park attendants, acquiring the animals inside. My Yeerk acquired a cougar for his battle morph, and I will say that at least he showed it the proper respect and awe as he approached it's flank and placed my hand on it. The trainer swore that it had just been well-fed, but that didn't make it any less fearful for me or the Yeerk. Reading my thoughts and taking my "advice", the Yeerk also decided on a koala morph, a mosquito morph (that one was practically an accident, the damned thing bit us) and a scorpion morph.
"There," he said out loud with my mouth, even though he was talking to me. "Let's see if those humans can take me now. Or even better, that Andalite they're always with."
"Andalite?" another voice exclaimed. The voice of a security guard. "You're one of them — the human rebels!" For a moment I became excited at the idea that this Yeerk might accidentally take my Yeerk down, hurt him or kill him. Me as well, yes, but that hardly mattered.
But my Yeerk just rolled my eyes. "I am /not, you ridiculous fool. I am Orkath One-Seven-Two of the Hett Simplat pool."
"But I heard..?"
"You /heard/ me mumbling to myself about taking the Andalites on now that I've acquired morphing capability. You can contact Exas One-Oh-Six if you must." The Yeerk used an authoritative tone, one I'd never really had, and certainly wouldn't have thought to use on a grownup.
But his fellow Yeerk backed down. "Very well, sir," he mumbled. "Move along."
«You /really/ underestimate me, human,» the Yeerk taunted as he moved away from the guard. «You should th..» WHAM! The Yeerk smashed into someone on his way out of the secure area, not watching where we were going. My body flipped over the poor victim, landing us on the ground. The pain was probably a decent amount - for him. I couldn't really feel it, of course.
«Yeah,» I gloated, «you're a real pro, aren't you?»
The Yeerk started to stand up. "I'm sorry," he started to say, "I didn't m.." He stopped and smiled slightly as he focused my eyes. "Eric."
Eric nodded, wiping his scabby knee clean of the dirt and blood. "Hey Chris. Fancy running into you here."
The Yeerk giggled at the wit. I think he said something else to me, too, but I didn't really register it. I was busy enjoying the view. The smile. For once he couldn't turn away, not without dropping the "good ol' boy" pretense that any Sharing member has to maintain.
"It's good to see you too, Eric," I proclaimed, the Yeerk making my voice sound a little shy. "You hit a great ball today."
"Thanks," he said. For a moment we just kind of stood there, staring at each other awkwardly. Finally he broke the silence again. "Hey, listen… are you doing anything tomorrow night? I was gonna take in a movie, thought maybe you'd, you know, want to join me."
I know the Yeerk had control over me, but I swear I felt my heart flutter anyway, in response to my own reaction of utter glee. Followed instantly by my utter turmoil as the Yeerk's manipulative, cruel feelings made themselves known to me. "Sure," the Yeerk said, "I'd like that. I think we should spend more time together than we do."
"Yeah," Eric agreed, a little more enthusiastically than I'd have expected. "I think it would be neat." Again, a moment of awkward silence, before he finally started moving away from us a bit. "So, well, see you tomorrow then," he said, waving sheepishly.
«Nooooo!» I cried, trying to will my mouth to scream out to Eric. I fought. I fought hard, with everything I had, trying to get past the roadblock between my brain and my mouth. The Yeerk didn't even seem to flinch.
"Right," the Yeerk said, waving. "See you tommorow." I waited for him to start the torture act again, but he didn't. He was all glee and gloating. He knew what I knew — that whatever he was about to do with Eric was worse for me than any kind of mental torture he could come up with.
«That's right, little human,» the Yeerk sneered menacingly. «All mine. Body and soul.» I wasn't sure whether he meant Eric or me. Likely both. And as I cried in my head, cried for the boy I loved and what awaited him, my tormentor was the only one who could hear me.