I always feel like I'm doing this crap to Marley, when it comes to her Mom. I'm a horrible person.

19. Changes.

Since Ryder talked to me in my room I acted more like myself at school. Being sweet, kind and innocent. Again nobody guessed.

At school I was in history class with a substitute while Mr. Schue was in a meeting. I had come in late because I had lunch with Brett and his friends and got a little high off the weed that they had with them. I also smoked a small cigarette before giving it back to whomever had given me a puff. I felt some stress go down, but I was still tense.

Towards the end of class Principal Figgins' assistant came to the classroom and spoke to the teacher for a moment before telling me to come with her.

I felt fine until I got to Principals Figgins office. Principal Figgins, Mr. Schue, Ms. Pillsbury, Kurt, his father Burt, Finn and strangely Coach Sue were in the office. The atmosphere died down as I stepped in more slowly and was gestured in the seat next to Ms. Pillsbury. Maybe there was some news about my Dad being released. I saw it in a movie once, The Mighty. The kid's dad got release from jail on probation and they told the kid ahead of time just as a warning.

"Is this about my Dad?" I asked.

"No, why would we know anything on that Ms. Rose?" Principal Figgins asked. Wow, he didn't know? He's a cool and smart principal.

"Oh no," I remembered the notebook. "Is this about the new songs I wrote? Mr. Schue I left it for you in the office. I know I forgot about it the past few weeks but I handed it in this morning."

"No, I did get that Marley. This is something else."

I sat down in the open seat.

"Well before we say anything," Mr. Schue started, "We just wanted to let you know, Marley, that we're all here for you. For talking or anything you need."

What was he talking about?

"Yeah Marley, like Mr. Schue said, we're all here for you at anytime." Finn added. "Before school, during school, after school. Anytime."

"Marley," Kurt began. "I've been in your shoes before. I'm not saying I'm greater help in this but I know defiantly what the feeling is. I'm here to talk whether it be here or in New York."

Oh God….Oh God….No…. No…. No…No!

"Look just break the news to her or I will." Coach Sue said.

"Sue, we all agreed on—"

"Your mother died this morning, Molly." She said.

"Sue, it's Marley." Ms. Pillsbury said.

Okay, so this was coach Sue telling me this. Probably just a stupid lie to get me to be over emotional about something and confess to the drugs in my locker and my backpack. I've seen her done it at least five times this week and ten times last week to Stoner kids and some other kid, why would I be different? Maybe she smelled cigarettes on me and weed on me and could tell I was using perfume to cover the smell.

"Well Coach Sue, I know you're a bitch all the time but I don't think you need to fuck with my mind right now." I said calmly. A couple of gasps in the room. "I mean I know you hate everyone in this world and Glee club mainly so this is just a stupid thing to say. Thinking I'll quit Glee if you hide my Mom in the creepiest place ever?"

They must of thought I was on something (truth told, I was) and I wasn't thinking. But because none of them were saying anything something inside of me hit me. Reality. No, not true at all. I stood up and began leaving the room and shouting, "Fuck you assholes!"

They told me. I didn't believe it. That is I didn't want to believe it, their words being nothing but lies and just saying it because they had found out about me holding onto the drugs and somehow found out of me taking them.

I wasn't going to stay for another hour in this school so I head down to Mr. Schue's office to get my songs I let him look over and decided to walk to therapy instead of waiting for Mom to come and get me. I heard Finn and Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury following me down the hallway, but I flipped them off and called them liars.

But somehow I knew it was true because Mom had said earlier she wasn't feeling good and she felt like she was in pain, but I thought because it was a cold that she had just gotten and she'd be better in no time.

I got inside of Mr. Schue's office and decided to cut through the Glee room. As I entered the empty room I kept feeling something inside of me. The truth.

But it wasn't the truth. But it wasn't a lie either. I fell to my knees sobbing and letting my heart out. The trio found me in the room and instantly began to comfort me while Finn left to get his truck from the parking lot and pull up front for a ride to some police station where some social worker would meet me.

Bullshit. I didn't want them, I didn't want any of them.

I just wanted my Mom.

But she's gone.

I couldn't go home after school, obviously because nobody was there and some social worker woman said that I might be under suicidal stress (In other words; I'd kill myself if I went inside that house). That was true, I wasn't thinking that. I had no feeling at all, no emotion other than sadness in me. I literally had to have Blaine and Unique go to my house and get some of my things into the boxes I was provided by the social worker.

I didn't have family. The only relative was Dad and Dad was still in jail for his drug abuse addiction. So I had to live in a foster care house until… I don't even know when. I'm too old to be adoption and I had two years until I was a legal adult. But I didn't want to go into a foster home for a while.

I pleaded the woman to give me at least a week or two before being placed in one. When she asked me where I could stay for the time being I told her my friends. Unique offered me her house, so did Blaine. As much as I loved Unique and wanted to stay with her, Unique's house was just her room and her parents room with two bathrooms whereas Blaine's house had his parents room, his room and four guest rooms with four bathrooms.

Blaine called his parents down to the police station where the rest of us were and explained everything to him. Then before I knew it I was in the almost-mansion size home carrying in the last of the five boxes I had: My whole life in those boxes.

I had the next few days off from school, to take in everything that's just happened. I couldn't eat that night either but the smell was delicious. Mrs. Anderson had made meatloaf with mashed potatoes, corn and green beans. She brought it up and offered it to me but I declined. Ten minutes later Blaine came up with the same food plus a piece of cake and after trying to persuade me into eating it, he left.

I called Lark that night at 1 AM and told him where I was. I said I'd explain it all. He came and waited for me while I climbed out the window and down the vine wall trellis right outside my window and ran over to where Lark stood with a flashlight in his hands. No smoking that night, just crying.

The funeral was that Saturday. I had never been to one before so while I knew it was expected to cry, I didn't.

I couldn't even go inside the church where it was being held. it was only the school faculty who knew her, my friends from Glee, Lark, Ryder's parents, and some of her own friends.

I sat in the very back of the Church. Not even one a bench, the way back. The priest holding the funeral event had asked me to say a few words but I said I had no idea what to say. I still had no idea what to say. A couple of people kept looking back at me to see if I were okay, then turn back after I gave a small smile.

Half-way into the funeral I used the bathroom. I pulled out a cigarette and smoked it for five minutes before returning back up. I coughed hardly but went back to my spot. The priest said if anyone wanted to say a word or two, then go up. Some of Moms friends went up and spoke. The priest kept looking over at me and I swear to God I was gonna flip him off if he looked at me one more time.

I rode with Ryder and his family to the cemetery. We were at the cemetery and unfortunately I had to stand with everyone and no far away from them. I ignored everyone and just stood there with no emotion inside of me. Everyone was being nice, even Kitty and Tina, but I didn't want them to pity me or make me some charity. I just wanted...cigarettes.

Oh God, and at my own mother's funeral too?

The Glee kids were nice and sang my Mom's favorite song, Somewhere over the rainbow, as they lowered my Mom's body to the ground. That was when reality hit me more. I just began sobbing.

The funeral ended. I pressed my index and middle finger against my lips and pressed my fingers against her gravestone before starting to leave. Ryder and Blaine each offered a ride, but I opted to walk back to Blaine's house.

The whole week I missed school all I did was stay in the guest room, cry, do homework, cry, not eat, cry, look at old photo albums, cry, watch home videos on the TV in the guest room, cry and just be depressed.

I snuck out a few times and walked around the neighborhood smoking a cigarette. I sat down on a bench and looked up. "I miss you," I started to sing. "I miss your smile...and I still shed a tear every once in a while..." I couldn't finished.

I just sobbed.