I always feel like I'm doing this crap to Marley, when it comes to her Mom. I'm a horrible person.

20. Changes II.

It's hard when you lose someone who was part of your everyday life. You woke up, they are there, you went to bed and they are still here. You're hurt and need to talk to someone and here is that person always willing to listen to you no matter what. Someone who never judged anyone for anything because they loved everyone for who they were. Someone who believed in me and said since I was a little girl that I could be anything I wanted to be and said to me that I had magic in my throat.

Now they're gone. Their face and voice so clearly here with me but made me worry that I'll forget about it one day. Even with videos and photos I don't think I would remember her if I ever forgot her.

I moved into this foster home that fostered teenage girls who were close to being an ague of adult (18) and also too young to be adopted. My roommate Carrie usually kept to herself and was downstairs most of the time knitting with her friend Ginger. So I was alone in my room with a large trunk filled with all my materials, a white dresser to hold my shirts, dresses, pants, skirts, shorts, socks and undergarments. My laptop was always plugged into the wall outlet next to my bed.

We had all these damn rules too.

4:35 Wake Up

4:36 - 5:45 Showers, brushing teeth, dress for school.

5:45 - 6:05 : Breakfast

6: 30 - Leave for school transportation.

Return from school...

3:00 - 5:00 : Homework.

5:00 - Prepare Dinner (See Chef Schedule)

6:00 - Eat Dinner.

6:30 - Clean dishes.

7:00 Prayer Time.

10:00 Lights out.

This was the normal schedule for the girls who lived there. Mine was different because I had Glee club and therapy on Wednesday, though that was ending soon seeing as I've been good at gaining and keeping my weight current without worrying about gaining weight. Of course by the time Glee ended I had to get out as soon as possible and catch a bus that would drive me to the foster house. Luckily I only had to make dinner every other Saturday night. If we wanted to go out we had to ask our foster caregiver, Gina, ahead of the week so she could re-work the Chef schedule.

Being the chef was hard since someone was lactose intolerant, three peanut allergies, one wheat allergy, two milk allergies, someone couldn't eat corn, someone had to have food pre-cut before serving, someone hated soup and someone was a vegetarian. I tried giving everyone Salad but I got bitched at for "not even trying."

I got in contact with my social worker and asked for a new home. She said she would look for another home in the area and until then I had to stay at this current one.

Gina was like a dog. I swear she knew where everyone was, knew what we were up too and she treated us like how Nuns use to treat students. She'd hit us with rulers and made sure we were focus. She asked me to say grace once and I just stood there and said, "Uh, thanks for the good and delicious food." Gina tossed a bible across the room at my direction and yelled at me and said I was a sinner for not knowing them. "Goodness, you are lucky I am the first religious person you know who can correct you!" I didn't even bother to mention Ryder or Joe from school seeing as she'd probably force them to teach me the bible during school hours.

I haven't smoked in weeks. Cigarettes, weed. Last time I had a cigarette was before Glee practice the other week.

Oh and Gina hated boys. So I had no contact with Lark for a while.

By the third day of April I had finally gotten a new home. I was only kid there and my new caregiver, Minnie, she didn't care too much what I did. How she qualified for this I don't know but all I know is that she had told me there were no rules in this house and I could do whatever I wanted, just as long as if I made food I clean up my own mess. She asked if I drank or smoke anything. "I really don't care if you smoke cigarette or drugs or drink. Just me let know so I can get enough for us. Do you like parties?"

"I don't party at all." I said.

"Well alright then I guess. I don't throw parties here at all but I go to a lot of them. Come along if you want to join in at any time." She smiled. "So do anything after school?"

"Glee Club." I said. "We sing."

"Uh huh, and your therapy is almost done with...so just Glee?" I nodded. "Hangout with people?"

"My friends, my boyfriend, and my friend Lark."

"Boyfriend?" She asked. I nodded. "You've guys have intercourse yet?" Again, I nodded. "Okay, I got plenty of condoms around here if he needs one. They're in these little baskets around the house."

"Don't the social care people come here?"

"Last Friday of every month. So Thursday night you and me gotta clean this place up and make it look nice. Hide all the booze in the attic, cigarettes in the attic, condoms in the attic because I sure ain't hell getting in trouble if you get knocked up. I will get in trouble if you get preggo. Just have everything in the attic because they've known for a long time that all I do is store vintage family crap up there in a million boxes."

"And that's it? The only rule is clean on the last Thursday for the Friday check up?"

"Yep." She said. "That's it. Hell I can get someone to do your homework."

"No, I can do that."

"Alright. Oh and you get twenty dollar allowance every Friday night. No reason, just do." She said. "I'm heading off now too catch a movie then hitting the club. Not much in the fridge so order anything you want. Hell, throw a party."

I liked Minnie a lot. She was real nice to me as much as Mom and she was pretty cool with anything I wanted to do. I pulled my phone out and invited my Glee friends over plus Lark.

Everyone from Glee arrived. Lark said he'd come over later. Everyone liked the new two level, two bedroom, two bathroom house and liked how big it was. Of course Kitty had a remark. "It smells like drugs in here."

"My foster mom, Minnie, she likes to party a lot. She warned me ahead of time." I said.

"How'd you end up here?" Unique asked.

"My social worker looked for someone who wasn't too strict, but strict, and flexibility with my school hours and if I got a job; work hours, and gave some freedom to me. And someone who wanted a teenager, no younger than fourteen. They've had this woman in the system for ten years and all the kids who've came here liked her a lot. She's really nice."

"I like it." Artie said. "At least I can roll myself in here thanks to her ramp entrance."

"Still smells like shit in here." Kitty said. "Just start the music."

We all partied together while practicing songs for the competition coming up in a few weeks. Win this and then by the end of May win National's and win for a second time in a row.

Everyone left by 10 to go spend the last hours of the night on their own or with friends. Ryder stayed for another hour. "You know Minnie told me these little baskets around the house are filled with condoms."

"She's sex addict prepared." Ryder laughed. The doorbell rang. "Who's that?"

"Maybe Lark. He said he would come over later and bring a movie." I told him. "Come in Lark!"

Lark dragged himself in carrying a box of pizza and two movies. Ferris Bueller's Day Off and the original Footloose. I'm surprised that both cousins could sit down together without wanting to kill one another. Lark tried to speak to Ryder but Ryder just gave short one answer answers.

They both left at the same time. I kissed Ryder on the lips and shut the door behind me. I grinned, I think I'm going to like things now, now that the cousins got along.