Oops.
22. Finn.
Ryder saw me smoking cigarettes one day, a few days after he came over while Lark and I were high. He had watched me from afar and saw that I had three of them before he came over and hugged me. That startled me. He knew that I've been stressing out since Sectional's and with everything building up now, he figured my only stress release other than music was by this choice. He said he'd help me stop, but I warned him it'd be a long time before I stopped.
"We've got time," he winked.
The end of April Mr. Schue called me into Ms. Pillsbury's office one day as I passed on my way to Glee Club rehearsal. I walked in and sat down in the singular chair in the office as the two of them just kind of looked at me. "What?" I asked.
"Marley, you're not in trouble first of all." Mr. Schue said. "We're just a little concerned about you."
"What?" I asked.
"You're grades haven't been the same since your Mom died," Mr. Schue said. "You've been failing almost every test given and if you aren't in class you are somewhere else. You've shown up for practice but that's it really."
"So we were just wondering if you wanted to talk about anything that was bothering you." Ms. Pillsbury said.
Why should you guys care? You two still need to figure out what the fuck it is you are doing since you ran out on Mr. Schue at the wedding. Also neither of you should worry about my grades because this week I can catch up on all my work. I'm intelligent and can do anything I set my mind too. I have the confidence to do so. And by the way, assholes, this has nothing to do with Mom dying. Am I still upset? Fuck yes! But then there is National's coming up now, Tina still being on my ass about making sure I don't faint and cause us to lose and making sure I know what to do for homework so that I an able to do it. Oh and the fact that Ryder is on my ass now about getting high and drinking sometimes. God it seems like the only people who aren't driving me crazy now are Minnie and Lark.
Jesus I need a cigarette now!
"Marley?" Mr. Schue called my name out, as I had been silent in person for minutes. "You wanna tell us anything?"
"No. I'm fine." I said. "I mean...I think because I'm still settling into the new house, a second home, and getting use to the rules applied at Minnie's house and whatnot, I've just been unfocused. But I'm good now, I really am. I'm focused again."
"Alright, that's good. But one more thing. Every Wednesday after school you're to come here and talk to Ms. Pillsbury about how school work is and how your home is."
What the fuck? Seriously? MORE THERAPY? No, I'm not going back to missing Wednesdays to see a therapist. Hell I don't even think she's qualified for being a therapist. "No." I said.
"No?" Ms. Pillsbury asked.
"No. I don't need a therapist. I'm not going back to missing Wednesdays Glee practice because I need a therapist. I don't need a therapist." I explained.
"This isn't therapy, it's just a way to keep you organized so you can pass the school year." Mr. Schue said.
"Oh what? Am I close to not passing?" I asked with an attitude.
"No, not yet, but close. Unless you can get all the homework you've missed passed in by the end of two weeks." Mr. Schue said. "But this is just to keep you more focused in school, alright?"
God. I needed a damn cigarette NOW. "Whatever." I said as I got up and began walking out of the room. "I don't need therapy!"
"Marley come back in here!" Mr. Schue called out. "Marley!"
I didn't listen to him. I decided to just head to Glee practice and then later use the bathroom to smoke before I head off to the movies with Ryder. I arrived at the choir room and sat in the back next to Unique and Ryder. Mr. Schue popped in minutes later and when he did he wrote the theme for the week on the whiteboard. He explained to us the meaning for this week's theme and then said for everyone to find a song for the week, of course Tina already had a song ready and sang it.
Actually a couple of people had songs picked already, which rarely happens. I thought of a song and raised my hand, Mr. Schue saw me, but picked Artie instead.
OK then.
Glee ended. Ryder and I held hands as we walked down the steps and were about to leave when Mr. Schue called me over again. Oh God, not this.
"No! I'm fine!" I yelled at him.
Before anyone could react I ran out of the room and down the hallways until I reached the back end of the school, that nobody ever used to cross paths, and hid in a stall. I took out a cigarette and started smoking.
Ryder called me. "Where are you?"
"I'm in the back of the school, in a bathroom, I'll be outside in a few minutes."
"Are you purging? Or smoking?"
"No," I sobbed. "Just give me five minutes, please."
"Fine."
We both hung up and I finished this cigarette. I smoked another cigarette and then when finished I left the bathroom.
I decided to hang out in the back of the school, outside, for several minutes before having Ryder drive to the back and pick me up. So there I stood on the corner of the school, standing against the wall facing the open outdoor area, and pulled out the last cigarette of my first cigarette box. I dropped it on the ground and smoked. I dropped my finished cigarette and opened a new box, smoked a new cigarette, then a second cigarette.
I was in the middle of my third cigarette, second one from the new box I opened, when I felt someone tapping me. I turned and saw someone I didn't want to see.
Finn.