Awwwww

43. Drunk, High, Caught, Broken.

Later at a celebration party that was being held in the hotel for us, the winners of National's 2013, I danced the night away with everyone. Lark was here for at least half an hour before going off too meet up with some of his friends that he made. Ryder and I slow danced a little bit so several songs before he got a text from Lark. Actually it was one of Lark's friends, asking him to help get Lark out of the house as everyone was kicked out. Ryder sighed and muttered anger as he left to get Lark and put him upstairs in his and Jake's room. "Fucking Charlie Sheen."

An hour passed; Ryder had to find the apartment and then get Lark back here. I saw them entering the elevator and Lark was both high and drunk, I could tell as I've seen it before. I waved at them both and they waved back as the doors shut. I grinned but then frowned. I wished Ryder liked Lark but I knew Lark was the type of person that Ryder loathed. I bet Ryder wouldn't even attend his own cousins wake or funeral if Lark died... I think he even mentioned it too once. I shrugged off that idea and went to dance with Artie and Sam.

Ryder never came back down. I ended up going to the room, half an hour later, and knocked on the door. Nothing happened. I knocked again and called my name out to them. The door slammed open and it was Ryder.

Pissed off as Hell.

"Ryder, what's taking so long?" I asked him.

He didn't look too pleased with me at all. Oh crap, Lark must of told him about the roof. Damn it Lark. But the way Ryder looked at me, with deep disgust, had me think something else had to happen that he was giving me this ugly picture of himself. But then I looked inside the middle of his eyes and saw some hurt in them.

"Ryder?" I asked worried.

"Marley, shut up." He said.

"What?" I asked him.

"When the fuck were you going to tell me!?" He yelled, now more irate.

"Tell you what?" I asked.

"That you slept with Lark when you left that damn party a few weeks ago!"

I froze. How did he know...oh Lark of course. But Lark keeps saying that it never happened. "Ryder—"

"Out of all the damn people to cheat on with, it had to be that pot head loser!" Ryder yelled. "Even Stoner Brett would of been a better choice!"

"Because he isn't family, right!?" I yelled now angry too. "Ryder I swear to God I thought it was you! I was drunk and a little high and when I saw Lark, I swear to God I saw your face and your voice!"

"Why in the hell would I even be at Lark's apartment!? I don't like him, I hate him!"

"Too pick me up for some reason and check that I'm okay!" I told him. "It was a mistake!"

"Oh and my favorite part is what else Lark told me, being this drunk and high and telling me all about his favorite crushes even with the girls taken, is that the three pregnancy scares he had his favorite was YOURS because of HOW MANY DAMN TESTS YOU TOOK!" Ryder screamed loudly now. "Are you pregnant!?"

"No, it was a false alarm. Long story short; just because my period is back, it's not going to be normal for a while. The cycle needs to find itself again. It just didn't show up like it should of, my doctor said it was normal."

"What the hell were you going to do if you were pregnant!? Find a way to have sex with me so it timed perfectly and I'd think this kid was my own kid!? You know how shitty that would be for everyone, including that kid if there was a kid to be expected!?"

"I AM NOT PREGNANT RYDER! I JUST SAID THAT!" I screamed. "AND I AM APOLOGIZING FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, I DID NOT MEAN FOR IT TO HAPPEN! I THREW UP ALL DAY THE NEXT DAY BECAUSE I FELT LIKE A HORRIBLE BITCH THAT IT HAPPENED AND THAT IT HAPPENED WITH YOUR COUSIN!"

"That's the worse part again. Out of all the people; it was Lark." He said in disbelief. "Do you know how much its killing me inside? Do you know how it feels that this trust we had with one another was broken because of this incident? And the fact that I had to learn it from Lark right now and not form you as soon as it happened, it hurts. It's like you don't ever want to tell me what is going on in your life."

"I do." I sobbed. "I do tell you everything."

"No, I don't think you do. I think you tell it out by smoking, getting high and drinking. And that is so bad Marley, it's not healthy. What in the world would your Mom think if she found you still doing this to yourself. Or your Dad?"

"He's in jail for drugs." I said.

"Don't be like him. Don't do drugs, don't even associate yourself that way." Ryder pleaded. He sighed deeply before rubbing his forehead. "I need to be alone for a while, taking care of Lark and then... all this."

"Are-are-are you mad?" I sobbed through the words.

"Disappointed." He said. "I'll see you in the morning. Good night."

"Goodnight." I said with arms open. Maybe he would hug me.

Ryder shut the door in my face. Not slammed, just gently.

I retreated back to my room. My heart broken in a million of pieces.

I broke us.

I did this.

My fault.

It's always my fault.

It'll always be my fault.

Ryder is better off without me.

I dug into my bag and found some cigarettes and a lighter. I placed those in my jacket pocket, went down into the lobby and passed everyone partying so that I was outside. I walked down to the beach and sat alone on a bench.

I pulled a cigarette out and smoked.