:O

44: Summer Plans.

I cried all night; quietly as I could so Unique could sleep. I still can't believe that I broke Ryder and I. I loved him. I knew that he cared about me, but this wasn't how I was suppose to treat him. I'm the worse girlfriend in the world.

I don't deserve a guy like him.

I shouldn't make him worry about me like this. It wasn't fair. And I'm starting to think I'm becoming Larkette. Or Larka. Whatever the girl name of Lark would be; I'm no different than him now.

I sat outside on the beach watching as the sun began to rise up. I thought about it for the past few hours. I had no other choice.

I had to breakup with Ryder.

We still had a few weeks left of school so I decided to wait until Summer began for me to break the news. I know all summer he was going to harass me non-stop and tell me that we weren't over. At least to him we weren't over; but I am to us.

We had breakfast at the hotel before heading to the airport. Ryder didn't sit next to me for breakfast, opting to eat with Jake and Sam, which was fine with me. But on the shuttle bus to the airport Ryder sat next to me. I thought he had changed his mind and forgave me. He gave a small weak smile to me, I returned a large grin, he then pulled out his I-pod and played music. I frowned and looked back out the window sighing.

The plane ride was a little over three and a half hours. And it wouldn't of been wonderful since Sugar gave everyone certain tickets her Dad sent to her e-mail account to print; giving me a window seat and Ryder the middle seat. But I figured if Ryder was going to listen to his music I might as well sleep or watch a movie or even read a book.

At the airport we had an hour to relax before boarding the plane. Ryder and Jake were buying snacks for the plane ride. I sat alone on a chair reading a book until I got a text.

Hey, look up and turn your head to the side facing the luggage pick up.

I looked and turned my head to the right; finding Lark at the luggage pickup area. I smiled as I got up and, taking my stuff with me, followed over to him. Before getting any word out Lark opened his arms, wrapped them around me, and hugged me while spinning in a circle. "Congrats on the big win, National's!" He laughed.

"Thank you!" I smiled.

"What are you going to do next?"

"Sleeping!" I laughed, but he didn't. "What?"

"...You were suppose to day 'I'm going to Walt Disney World!'" Silly," He laughed. "So what's new after this I mean, as a winner? You and my cousin gonna join the Mile High club?" He winked.

"No, I never even heard of that." I said. "No, actually I'm...I'm breaking things up."

He instantly frowned. "Why?"

"It's complicated." I told him.

"That's not a fucking answer Marley." Lark said. "Give me a reason and if it's not good enough or even legit, then you can't break it off with him. It'll be stupid."

I tried to think of what to say. Then came up with the excuse. "I need to work on myself before I can care for someone else. If I'm going to stop taking drugs and drinking at times and smoking, I need to work on myself alone."

Oh my God, I just lied to Lark.

A smile grew on Lark's mouth. "Ah, I see. Alright then, that's a good reason."

"But not until Summer begins." I said to him. "So I have all summer to work on myself and he has all summer to...to whatever." I wanted to say the actual truth; to find a new girlfriend who isn't messed up.

"Ryder's gonna help you out. No matter what." Lark told me. "I'd help out too in person but I'm up and over at New York this summer. I got a gig as a park entrance person Monday to Friday, five to seven, and then bar tender on Saturday nights from three to eleven. But I'm free to Skype or whatever, I'll give you a schedule before I drive there."

"Sounds great." I told him. "Sounds like fun."

The plane ride was actually not bad. Ryder and I watched a movie together and we played games on our phones and I read to him. He's heard me read The Hunger Games books to him over and over again; but he loved it no matter what. At one point during the reading Ryder's head pricked up and he gave a long kiss on my cheek. I turned surprised.

"What was that for?"

"Because I love you." He said. Then taking my hand in his own he said, "I'm still a little disappointed about what happened between Lark and you," He whispered. "It's gonna take a while for that part to get over with. But I love you and no matter what I'll be here for you. Always."

I smiled and hugged him, receiving a hug back, and cried. I cried for happiness and sadness. Happy that he pretty much forgave me, but sad about what was to come in a couple of weeks.

We arrived back home hours later and upon coming to Sugar's mansion for the celebration party; all of the parents were there with balloons, horns, lots of food, a large cake and a large banner that both read '2013 National Winners!' in red. Everyone was real pleased and psyched about the celebration. Ryder saw his parents over near the potato chips table and ran to go greet them. His Mom jumped forward and hugged him first, giving him the tightest squeeze ever.

I felt someone run up behind me and hug me too. I turned around and saw Minnie with the biggest smile on her face. "Marley! I miss you!"

"Hi Minnie!" I hugged her back. I loved how Minnie was here, but I wish Mom was here.

I still miss Mom.

Actually throughout the whole party I missed Mom. We would always talk about National's and how wonderful it would be to celebrate the win together. But she's gone and I miss her more than ever.

I don't even have a cigarette to smoke too. I whispered to Minnie if she had some, but she had the last one before we arrived. Perfect.

Sometime after a speech was made before we ate dinner, during dinner at least, with Mom still on my mind I got up and walked away from the table to sit outside in the backyard near a little fish pond. I felt miserable being inside because Mom wasn't there. This party was really bumming me down.

God, I needed a fucking cigarette.

"J-Crew?" I heard Sam's voice call out my nickname. We called each other J-Crew as a joke; both of our Moms having to buy clothes from Wal-mart because we were both poor, but they added J-Crew to the label to make it look like we could afford it. "You okay?"

I didn't cry. I just looked down at my feet. "I miss my Mom." I muttered. "We always talked about this...celebrating National's together...now it's happened and she's not here..."

Sam sat next to me and placed his arm around me. "It's okay, we're all here for you. Hey so Sugar said that whoever is still in Lima this summer she's gonna take us all to Six Flags! I'll be your buddy if Ryder is at his grandparents place this summer!"

"Oh shit, summer!" I yelled. It had hit me, Mom and I had this jar filled with a lot of money to use for a trip to Six Flags for the day. She said she didn't want to go on rides, but said I could. But that money was gone because of my habit. "Fucking cigarettes!"

"You're still smoking!?" Sam asked surprised. "I thought that was over."

"Yes, it is...but...ugh!" I yelled in frustration. "Mom and I saved money to go to Six Flags this summer and I used the money to get fucking cigarettes! She didn't notice and after she died I've used it to get some cigarettes!" I then yelled out louder. "GOD DAMN CIGARETTES!"

I sobbed after that.

The party ended. After Sam helped me calm down and be able to go back into the party, I met up with Ryder and stayed next to him the entire time for the rest of the party. Minnie and I got back to the house and she went upstairs to shower.

I sat alone in my room. I was still pissed and depressed about everything.

Mom, cheating, breaking up with Ryder, Mom, cigarette habit, breaking up with Ryder, Mom. Just almost everything.

I needed to get away this summer. Away from Lima for the summer. Just so I could get into my own head and do things on my own, like break this habit of cigarettes and drugs.

I pulled out my laptop and went online to do some research.

Uh oh. So what do you think Marley is gonna do now?