"Now whenever you're talking to someone, it's important to remember connotations," Mrs. Boxer said as she sat with Leni, "Connotations are like synonyms, where there are two or more words that have similar meanings."

"Okay," she said as she twidled her thumbs, her eyes losing focus.

"But just because a word has the same definition doesn't mean that it's exactly the same. Sometimes, a word can remind them of other things and that can make them feel different than what you expected."

Silence.

"What do you mean?"

Indeed, Mrs. Boxer expected this lesson to be difficult. But she also knew that she couldn't keep holding her student back; she really was getting better. Fifth grade has been a wonderful year for Leni.

"It can be hard and everyone has slightly different ways of seeing each word, but there are some that are bound to affect a lot of people," the teacher said as she took out a series of flash cards. Unlike most of the ones she had used in the past, these were merely simple ones bought from a stationary shop as opposed to ones produced by a printing company. Each card had two words written by Mrs. Boxer's own pen.

"Leni, could you look up please?" Mrs. Boxer gently asked. The girl obliged like a robot, "look at these two words 'wet' and 'moist'. Both of them have the same definition, but which one would you rather hear?"

Leni wished she was good at these questions. Even with her progress, she still had difficulties here or there, especially when asked for her opinion. For the first time that day, she felt disappointment. Why couldn't she just give a straight answer?

"Wet," she said, her voice lacking any confidence.

"Hmm. What do you think of when you hear the word 'moist'?" Mrs. Boxer asked, using her finger to point to the word.

To Leni, all she could ask was what kind of question that was. Sure there were some 'bad' words out there, but 'moist' wasn't one of them. Right? It was just another collection of letters that people like her use. Unable to answer, much to her dismay, she shrugged. Was she always this oblivious?, she wondered.

"Very interesting," she replied, "you may not mind it, but there are other kids where 'moist' makes them go crazy. These people say that the word makes them feel uncomfortable," she then placed the card down, "It's okay if you yourself are not bothered by the word, but it's important to remember that others might be. Think about how they feel as you talk to them and ask yourself how they would react to words like that."

Leni found her mind accelerating with confusion and anxiety. It felt like the world was making less sense. Why were there so many rules to conversation? How was Lori able to do it all without going mad? Why was she having these thoughts when they weren't there before? What's going on?

"How," Leni started, raising her arms, "do I, like, know if others like a word or not?"

Mrs. Boxer started shuffling the cards.

"There are a few ways," she started, "One is to listen to the words they use when they talk to you or others. If they feel comfortable saying the word themselves, then more often than not, it'll be okay for you to say it to them. Most words are perfectly fine to say to most people, but if you're ever unsure about one, you could also ask them. If you bring the word up like that, then even if they don't like it, they won't be uncomfortable. In fact, they may even be glad that you care about their feelings enough to ask."

Mrs. Boxer gave off a smile, but Leni was unmoved. She merely sat there and absorbed what her teacher was telling her. All the while, her mind was replaying interactions she could recall off the the top of her head. Now that she was thinking of this, she was forced to dig through those words to see if she had done that very mistake. From what she could remember, no one snapped at her for something she said. Right? Yes, and yet how could she know what she had said. She couldn't remember the exact words she had said. It's not like she had paid attention to the words others were saying. And she certainly never asked other's if they were okay with certain words. How could she really know?

"Let's move on to another example," Mrs. Boxer said as she pulled out yet another flash card, this one with the words 'white' and 'pale'. And as she took in the following questions, she had a mantra playing in the back of her head.

"I have a lot of work to do."

"Happy Birthday, Lori!" Rita exclaimed as she gave her oldest daughter a hug.

"Mom! Dad!" Lori exclaimed as she felt red tinge her cheeks.

"Sorry," Lynn Sr. said, barely able to contain his excitement, "we're just so proud to have our little girl another year older. Twelve's a big milestone!"

Even as she rolled her eyes, her lips couldn't help but shoot upward.

"Good thing the girls aren't here to see this."

Eventually, Lori was able to separate from her parents. With the morning now underway, Lori decided to grab an apple for breakfast. She wasn't hungry and she knew she could survive skipping a meal, but her parents would be all over her case. Just last week, her Mom had sat her down for a talk about 'puberty' and 'anorexia', issues that posed a greater risk as she was preparing to start junior high. She wasn't willing to draw more of their attention than she was comfortable with.

Lori headed into the living room and looked around. Thankfully, no one was around (a miracle in a place with nine kids). Once she was assured security, she scanned the apple and its shiny red surface. She then pressed it with her fingers, hoping to sink in a little.

"It's kinda soft."

She slowly brought it to her mouth and maneuvered it in an unusual position. She prayed that the surface was as soft as she thought. And then, with wavering uncertainty, she sunk her teeth into it.

Immediately, she recoiled. Her entire mouth seared with agony. Her pupils became dots. She tapped her foot in the hope of making the pain go away. Although it did recede with time, there was a lingering unease that clamped her lips shut, her tongue to hold firm. Lori then looked down to see the apple, where there was a small crater of dimples on a small section. It wasn't even deep enough to make the red skin dangle.

Lori stared longingly at the "bite". She scolded herself, demanding to know why she picked an apple of all foods. Her teeth had been acting up for a while now. She should have known by now that such hard food was hard to eat.

"Are you trying to make Mom and Dad discover this?!"

She shuddered at the repercussions that would come out of that. But then she found a new determination to at least eat the part she had started. She slowly brought the apple and her mouth slowly started to lower. If she went slow enough, it wouldn't hurt, she figured.

"Happy Birthday!"

She shook. The teeth seethed through, ringing new pain. It was too much. Lori dropped the apple on the couch and pressed her hand against her mouth. She couldn't help it this time. She clenched her eyes shut to keep her tears at bay. She fought nearly instinct to keep herself from screaming.

"Oh my gosh! Are you okay?" she heard. In that moment, she dreaded that voice. Why did it have to barge in? Even though she tried to hide her problem, couldn't she take a hint?

The pain was impossible. She couldn't see anything, but she got the last thing she needed. Suffocation.

"I'm sorry I, like, surprised you. Are you okay? I'm sorry."

Lori forced her eyes open to see her little sister smothering her. She used her hand to rub her blurry eyes, puckering her lips to suppress the burning sensation. So much for a happy birthday.

"Leni," she said through the pain. Her voice trembled, "it's fine..." she then groaned as she remembered the more pressing matter, "just don't...tell Mom or Dad."

"I know. You, like, told me," Leni said, her head gently fitted over her big sister's shoulder. For a moment, she replayed the scene that just transpired. Knowing that she had caused that, "But why are you, like, doing this? If your mouth hurts, shouldn't they know about it?"

Lori aggressively shushed her, paranoid that others from the other room would hear. All she heard was commotion, mostly from the younger siblings. As the pain started to fade, she relaxed her lips.

"I told you this as well, Leni," she said, annoyed that she had to repeat something she felt was so elementary, "if they find out, then they'll take me to the dentist and he might give me braces. Do you have any idea what that would do to my reputation?"

Even as they held that hug, largely under Leni's discretion, Lori was irritated by the lingering awfulness her mouth left, even in the absence of damage. Not helping was the silence to isolate this feeling.

"Reputation?" Leni asked.

Lori sighed. To her, today was not the day for Leni to do this to her. Sometimes, she honestly asked herself why her little sister couldn't just get it. Some things just had to be known, given how simple they were. Or at least, to her they seemed that way.

"I could lose all my friends if I got braces," Lori explained, getting nervous as the thought came to mind. While she wasn't fully sure they would betray her, she knew them well enough to know that they could let little things get to them. Oh, this path she has chosen, "they literally make your teeth look nerdy and my friends don't like that. Do you understand?"

Leni felt her eyes widen. She suddenly felt a nasty flare in her chest, a weight that she had to bear. All she could think about was her little sister Luna, whom she had been sitting at lunch with every day for the past two months so she wouldn't feel lonely. Even if Leni herself didn't mind isolation, she had slowly come to realize that her other siblings were quite bothered to not have someone to play with or talk to; they always needed someone other than family that liked (or loved) them. And the least she could do, or so she figured, was to support her other siblings' efforts to maintain their friendships.

"I'm sorry," she said, trying to comfort her big sister.

Lori sighed.

"You haven't done anything wrong," she said, resigned as she ran her hand up and down Leni's back. At this point, her mouth was numb, "just remember to not tell them...and don't surprise me when I'm trying to eat."

As Lori was contemplating whether her problem had worsened from that incident, Leni suddenly pulled herself away, leaving the older Loud to see her face.

"Happy Birthday, Lori," she said gently.

Now that she could see Leni's face, she couldn't help but feel stricken by it. She never expected that her sister was able to produce an expression like that. Sure, there was a small smile, but the corners of her lips were barely tucked, as if they could easily slip away. And her eyes carried this heaviness that Lori could only conclude was a disproportionate flourish of regret.

"I didn't yell at her, did I?"

At first, she wanted to say something about it, see if she could get to the bottom of this. Was Leni hiding something? Did someone see her lack of friends, her social awkwardness, her slow mind and start taking advantage of her? If anything was wrong, wouldn't Leni or someone else have already publicized it? But after a little consideration, Lori jumped to the conclusion that she was simply overreading all of this. Even though she was supportive of her little sister, she still conceded that Leni wasn't good at showing her emotions; any effort to do so could easily end up looking unnatural or ghastly, even if the feeling was genuine.

"Thank you," she said. And, in addition, "I love you."

Hopefully that should be enough, she figured. Leni got up, still holding that face, and headed upstairs. Lori watched as this happened. She wondered if her sister had only gone downstairs to speak to her and was now heading back to do whatever. Lori noticed that ever since Leni got that sewing machine, she had been spending more time in their room working away. Sure she still came down to play with her siblings, but the others were starting to see less and less of their second oldest sister.

Lori thought to herself that on one hand, this experienxe definitely produced results. With the help of a help book, her Mom, and a (lot) of practice, Leni had become remarkably proficient at sewing; by now, she was able to make shirts of at least four different sizes and styles. While she did find it annoying to have a bunch of extra shirts lying around, she couldn't help but admire her sister's acquired skill.

But on the other hand, even with her improved social skills, she found that Leni wasn't utilizing them much more than she had in the past. Lori felt that her sister could easily make friends (given her kind heart and fixation with clothes) if she could just come out of her shell. It was right there, and yet there was little drive to reach there. Sometimes, Lori was consumed with the question of why. Does Leni even know what she could be? Of what "better" life was waiting over the wall?

"She should be spending time with us! It's my birthday for crying out Loud!... Dang it, Luan!"

With a newfound determination, Lori got up (not even bothering with the apple) and ascended the stairs to their room. Along the way, she noticed the ladder leading to the attic was exposed. Lori made a B-line towards those wooden creaky steps, hoping that she wasn't gonna find something her expectations conjured.

But upon reaching that part of the House, she didn't find anyone. Her eyes raced across the room, trying to spot some lumps. Her ears became attentive as they tried to make out noises, particularly of shuffling. When nobody appeared in the vicinity, Lori proceeded to walk around, seeing if anyone was hiding. In her search, she unveiled various tarps and moved some boxes, common hiding spots. But nothing.

"Looks like she already left," she thought, "Figures that she forgot to close it."

After one last scan, she exited, making sure to close the hatch upon reaching the bottom step. But then, she felt a pit in her stomach re-emerge. She knew full well what the date was. Possibilities swirled as she contemplated the reasons Leni could have been up there. Did she parouse? Did she take anything? How is she feeling?

And then she walked towards their room. Each step was more difficult to take than the last. While she couldn't hear anything new as she got closer, her heart rate accelerated. Did she want to see what was behind that door? Once she was in front of the wooden barrier, she held her hand out. It initially just stood there like an unmoving statue. She tried to make out any sort of sound she could. She thought she could hear some buzzing, but her mind was too preoccupied to think through what it could have been. But then, in a hasty motion, she opened it.

Inside, she saw Leni's back. Behind her was the sewing machine at work along with some elongated fabric hanging off the desk. The soft pounding the machine produced as it nailed in each stitch was a calming drone that even Lori had to admire. But then she snapped out of it, realizing that Leni continued to work, as if she didn't even hear the door opening.

"Leni," she said.

All she heard was the drone. She was in her bubble, Lori supposed. She then wondered whether she should pop it.

"Would that make me a hypocrite?" she asked herself, "Dang it, stupid teeth!"

But what would happen if she didn't? At least Leni doesn't have to hide an orthodontist's nightmare. And besides, Lori noticed that her sister's nightstand had its drawer open. It was just hanging there, begging all sorts of questions.

But on the other hand, she didn't want to startle her. She really didn't want to go through the trouble of explaining herself. Not on a day like this. She figured that Leni would come down on her own time and on her own terms. She had to at some point. And that notion was reinforced when she noticed something on her bed, a thing covered in wrapping paper.

Lori reluctantly sighed and closed the door. She slowly headed back down, making sure to move gradually enough so that any new sound would be detected. None amounted.

Once back in the living room, Lori plopped herself on the couch. That stupid Apple was still there. Trying to ignore that fruit, she grabbed the remote and flipped on the television. Not much was on Saturday mornings. Aside from reality shows. She flipped to one of those weight loss stories. Lori had seen a few of them.

They were usually about some grown up (usually a woman, with the occasional man) wanting to drop a few sizes so they can fit into that fancy dress they went to prom in. Deep down, Lori wasn't a fan of them; they were formulaic and manipulative, trying to suck whatever emotion it could through the most eye-rolling tactics she had ever seen. Some days, she wished she could see something that was truly heartfelt, something she could touch with her hand and feel true acceptance. But her friends had other interests.

She lied down and just let the show play, not really paying attention to it. Twelve years old. Oldest child. Here she was, trying to fit in and be someone everyone (especially her younger siblings) could respect. Her parents have already been discussing letting her babysit now that she was becoming mature. She guessed that was cool. She had even sounded excited when they brought up the prospect. Soon, she could boast to all her friends that she didn't have a sibling problem like they did. And that was exciting. That's what would bring a thrill. Right?

"Move over! The Lions are gonna play soon!" Lynn exclaimed as she jammed herself on the couch's edge and switched the channel.

Lori lethargically moaned, her body unwilling to move.

"You're taking up the whole thing! Move!" Lynn whined, kicking Lori's feet. The older Loud reluctantly condensed her form, allowing her little sister to cozy herself. Lori gazed at the screen where two commentators were throwing out names and numbers that had no meaning to her. This wasn't heartfelt either.

"Lori!" Lynn Sr. exclaimed, "could you join me and your mother for a minute?"

The oldest Loud slowly got up and moved, not looking at her younger sister or the screen. She detected the location just from the sound, a place she or the other siblings rarely entered: her parents' room. It was uncharted territory stuffed in the corner of the main level, a mystery to most. It was a simple space, sure, but even Lori was astonished to absorb each nook and cranny the room had to offer. And there on the master bed were the two parents, smiling at her.

"Well, as you requested," Lynn Sr. said as he produced a wrapped package from under the bed, "none of your siblings will be drawn to it. Unless you want to show it off to them, of course."

Lori was handed the package and felt the flexible, soft surface. It was like magic. She wasn't in the mood, yet it was exactly what she asked for. Mom and Dad were good parents. At least they kept their promise.

"Thanks," Lori said, without smiling.

"Your father and I were gonna go on a 'date' this Friday," Rita said, exaggerating her finger movements, "We'll let you try it out. And remember, it's okay if you're not up to it. Most kids around here don't start babysitting until they're thirteen or fourteen."

This time, she worried that if she didn't reply in a timely manner, her parents would get concerned. And so she nodded.

"No. I think I've got it," Lori replied, bringing the package close to her chest, "And thanks again."

"Anything for our birthday girl," Lynn Sr. said, smiling.

To prevent the conversation from running any longer, Lori exited the room. Besides, her mind was already contemplating how to get this thing to her room without the others noticing. They would see it, with time. She slipped through the corridor, her eyes focused on the presence of other siblings. She maneuvered herself, trying to avoid notice. Thankfully, she made it all the way to the stairs without garnering any of their attention, not even the erratic Lynn. Lori slid up the stairs, her eyes again focused on the presence (or absence) of Louds. Fortunately, she made it already back to their room without being questioned about anything. A miracle, indeed.

Inside, she saw Leni working on her bed with wrapping paper. She was trying to cover a dress with the stuff, again the door's sound failing to throw her off. It was then that Lori understood what was happening and she tried to work her way around her sister to sit on her own bed. With her face to the wall and window, Lori grasped the package she had. She briefly eyed it before ripping through the wrapping paper.

Sure enough, the promise was kept. It was a plastic bag with a Halloween costume inside. It was a drill sergeant costume for girls with all the pieces included. It had the boots, the hat, sunglasses, and even a functional whistle. It was remarkable that her parents were able to get a complete costume like this in the middle of April. She even felt bad that she didn't thank her parents even more than she did.

"This isn't overkill," Lori thought, trying to reassure herself, "This will make me respected. This will make me special."

She then opened the bag and pulled out all the pieces. Sure it wasn't real leather. Sure it wasn't the best fabric. But it got the effect across. And with that, she turned to her sister, who was finishing wrapping her dress.

"Well, Leni," she said, trying to put on the best cocky accent she could, "I'll have you know that Mom and Dad are gonna start trusting me to babysit you all," she boasted as she placed a hand over her chest, "so you and all the others are gonna start doing what I say and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Lori then tucked her lips into a smug-ish smile. She even tried popping her chin. But upon looking down, noticing that Leni's face was blank. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but it bothered her more than usual.

"I have some presents for you," Leni said plainly as she made her way over and handed her two packages, "I hope you like them."

Did she not realize the news? Why wasn't it working, Lori wondered. Perhaps because it wasn't Friday yet. But still...

Lori grabbed the two presents. She took the top one and opened it. It was a simple blue dress, just her color. The texture was soft, she noticed rather quickly. None of the stitches seemed out of place; the whole thing felt like a natural connected piece. While she was unsure whether it was the right size, she couldn't blame her if it wasn't quite right. After all, she never asked her for her measurements. And anyhow, she admired how much her sister loves her, that she poured all this time into makin such a fine dress. And to think she was almost eleven years old.

"Thanks Leni," Lori said, smiling, "this is such a wonderful dress."

But her sister didn't smile back. To Lori, that was weird. Even Leni smiled when she saw someone in her family do it too. It was a mixture of genuine affection for family and a compulsion to imitate what she saw. What was going on? Did she simply forget to do that?

Lori then brought her attention to the second present. It was a noticeably similar shape. Not willing to hesitate and potentially hurt Leni's feelings, she opened the present and her eyes widened. It was...also a blue dress. She grabbed it and it was just as soft as the other, just the same amount of stitching, just the same size. It was, as far as she was concerned, the same dress in every way.

"Please don't tell me,"

"Leni..." she said, holding the dress, concerned, "why did you make the same dress twice?"

And then, she noticed Leni's eyes darting back and forth. Her lips even curled inward, forming an overall awkward expression. She scratched her head, moved around. For the better part of five seconds, it was nothing but nonverbal communication. What was she trying?

"Well," she said, "I, like, wanted you to have two. That way if, like, something bad happened to one...then, like,...um..." she paused and scratched her head, her eyes moving a mile a minute the whole time, "like, you would have another to wear."

Silence then enveloped the two. Lori immediately assumed that Leni was lying. She knew her sister was never good at it, let alone hold a conversation. Why would she even try to do that? It was then that the notion struck her again. Did this have to do with...what April 23 meant? It must have. Why else would there be two dresses?

But then she looked into Leni's eyes. Was she about to make things more awkward than they already were? Was she about to draw attention away from the fact that her sister loved her enough to make her two beautiful dresses? She already had enough on her mind. And anyhow, this conversation could be set for another day.

"I will get back to her on this," Lori told herself. And then she thought once more about all the clothing she got for her birthday, dresses and costume aside.

And with that, she got up and hugged her little sister.

"Thanks," Lori said, "you're fantastic at making dresses."

And pulled back.

Leni appeared stunned at first. She was surprised that someone other than herself would initiate a hug, especially Lori of all people. The older Loud understood that confusion. Even she was stunned that she did that. To think that she would be that mushy of a big sister. She was supposed to be an authority.

"I love you, Lori," Leni then said, finally smiling.

And that made Lori grin in return. There was the Leni she knew. There was the Leni she wanted.