Data Log Entry: #21830928
I just had the most interesting conversation with Professor T'Soni. She told me that she had feelings for me. I am still not sure my brain is processing this correctly. I had heard the casual indications from the crew, but chose to ignore them, seeing it at nothing more than rumors and gossip. What make this worse is that I admitted to her that I also felt a strong attraction to her. Something about her, her voice, the color of her skin, or the way she moves. I can't remember exactly what words came out of my mouth, but I felt like I had little control of anything I was saying.
It seems like every time I'm in the same room as her I do my best not to focus solely on her, but it seems I'm fighting a losing battle. It's a constant struggle, but I guess one I no longer have to fight alone. Can it be true that I really am "attracted" to her? Did I not rush my answer to spare her feelings in the med lab just moments ago? Aren't we both females? Although her species is mono-gendered, she looks very much like a woman to me. The softness of her face, the curve of her hips, the firmness of her breast. She has breasts, clearly she is a woman! Ok, so maybe I just figured out some reasons why I might be attracted to her. Sure I've slept with women before. It's not that uncommon among humans over the last couple of decades or so; especially when they lifted the same sex relationship ban from the military back on September 19, 2011. We just don't procreate with them. This feels a little weird for me. Momma Shepard even though I didn't carry the child. Ok, I am really getting ahead of myself. She only told me that she had feelings towards me. She couldn't even bring her self to touch me right now much less have offspring. I need to focus on what all this means, to me, my mission, my crew. Oh God, another disturbing thought, "Hey mom! I want you to meet my blue girlfriend. Oh yeah and she's pregnant. Who's the father? Oh easy, I am." I wonder how long she'll be in the hospital from passing out at the news.
Sex with an Asari? I have no idea what that is even like. What is pleasing to them? Are they so different from humans? They look similar but clearly there are differences. Do they climax or just mind meld? If she climaxes, would her biotics explode? Oh that would be awful. I am sure they have control, I hope Liara would have such control. I need to do some research, just to be safe. I need to get into the VI's database without it being recorded. Great! I will need Tali for that, but how do I explain to her why I need the info. I guess I could go the scientific route and ask Dr. Chakwas to help me, I'll explain, "Doing research". Who am I kidding? She'd sniff out my intentions like a mad varren. She sees how many trips I make to the med lab. No, I need to stop this before it gets anymore out of hand. I will talk with Professor T'Soni tomorrow. There's no way I can go through with this. It simply won't work, there is too much to risk.
Liara just called me on the vid comm to report that all systems would be clear for tomorrow's training exercises. It was very brief but my hands are shaking and my heart is pounding. She has the most beautiful eyes, how intoxicating. I'm going to get some shut eye now. Maybe I will end it tomorrow, maybe.
Shepard Out –
A/N: This is a brief shout out to all those who had to serve in silence as I did for 10 years. Celebrate that now you will be judged on your performance rather than your sexual preference. God bless!