Dear Beatrice,
It's hard. Harder than I ever imagined. It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to, and I have to do this until the day I die.
Not only is living without you hard; it's unbearable. I can't... cope, Tris. I miss you. Why did you have to leave me so soon? Why couldn't we have a life together, like we planned? Get married, and have beautiful children? Don't you want that?
I'll never know, Tris. Because you left me. And now I can never feel your hands in mine, your lips brushing mine. I will never again feel the slip of your nose as we pull out of a kiss. A kiss I guess I took for granted. But despite how much I hate this, the pain and suffering you're leaving me with, I cannot hate you. I can't do it. You left your mark on me, permanently. I'll be a different person for the rest of my life, because of you. A different person without you. I'm alone, now,
I will never be able to move on. My love and my heart are forever yours. I wish you would come back and take them. I will never be able to be with another woman. I can't. I devoted myself to you, and the fact that you're gone doesn't change that. It'll never change. I'm still yours and you are still mine. Forever, and always. Christina and Cara told me that it gets easier to cope with time. And I think they may be right, in their case. But not for me.
Each day will be just as hard, if not harder than the last. And for you, I'll bear it. I promise. I have to do this, for you.
I'll always be waiting. And someday, when death takes me, I hope you will take me in your arms again, in whatever comes after this life.
I love you.
Yours truly,
Tobias Marcus Eaton