Leni was lounging on her bed, a laptop on her chest, a gift she got for her eleventh birthday and her second favorite thing to use. Alongside her sewing machine, she spent many hours on it, parousing its various features. Her finger slid across the mousepad as she proceeded to type something.
"I like GarryxPercy. Percy is totes cute and is always ther to help any1 when they need it and garry is a meenee hat just needs someone 2 open up."
Upon tapping the 'Send' button, her comment magically rendered on the next line of the thread. She briefly stared at her own post, reading it through several time, before bringing her vision to site's background. It was packed with colorful characters of varying shapes, sizes, and species.
"Why couldn't they have Percy on there too? He's just as good as all these folks!" Leni thought to herself. She was familiar with most of them, having seen their corresponding series. While she admired a lot of them, nothing got her more excited than Percy.
His lucious lime green hair, his captivating maroon eyes, his round squishy face. To her, what wasn't there to love with his design. And then there was his voice actor. Based on an Internet search, Leni knew it was a man named Jason Quentin. And further searches also showed that Quentin was in a bunch of other shows before taking on Percy on Leni's current favorite Real Times Under the Sun, some of which were previous holders of the girl's attraction. Of course, this knowledge made her rewatch these childhood classics to catch Quentin's voice wherever it appeared, all while connecting it to her beloved Percy. To her, it was fun to think about cartoons, even if they weren't as fun as clothes.
Suddenly, a new message popped up, accompanied by a green '1' appearing under her own post.
"GarryxPercy is my OTP! I died when the two tripped and fell on top of each other! XD"
The '1' was replaced soon enough by a '2'.
"Check out my latest fanfic! Once the writers see this, they'll have to finally come out and make it canon!
http\\:www_fanlore_net/Thawing_His_Rose"
Leni eagerly clicked on the link, directing her to the story. It wasn't too long, only one chapter. Reading it, she followed Garry's first-person monologue of his 'tortures past', although much of it was clearly made up. Leni wished that the show could get more detailed on the characters' backstories. Garry then discussed how he has grown attached to Percy since meeting him in the first episode and how those feelings have become 'overwhelming' and 'humiliating'. She read as he went on about 'how others would react if they knew the truth.'
"Don't listen to those silly words, Garry! No one's gonna think less of you! Percy's gonna say yes! Just do it!"
At this point, Leni felt her heart starting to pound. She was driven into a horrible mess. She killed to know how this would all end, yet her body and mind was too preoccupied to continue reading. What kind of purgatory was this? Who could invent such a terrible state of being?
Just then, Lori entered the room and went to the dresser. As Leni tried to fight the resistance to her reading, her older sister sifted through the various drawers. The clattering noise of items was distracting. How was she ever gonna finish this gripping tale when there's noise to disturb the ambiance?
"Ugh!" she heard Lori say, "Leni, did you take all my hairpins again?!"
She felt herself shrink in, some from the accusation and some from the increasing tension of this story.
"Yes," she said meekly.
"Why?! You never wear them. I need them!"
By this point, she shut the laptop to look at Lori's irritated face (her laser-bent eyes, tight cheeks with several red pimples, clear exposure of all her braces).
"I like using them," Leni answered, "they're, like, bendy and there's other uses f-"
"They're mine!" Lori exclaimed, slapping her own chest, "It's bad enough I'm out of acne cream and breakin' out like a greasy pig, but I also don't need my hair pins disappearing every week so you can play with them like they're toys!"
She then heard Lori sigh and saw her rub the bridge of her nose.
"I'm sorry," Leni simply said.
For several seconds, all she could hear was deep, haggard breathing. All Leni could wonder was whether it was enough. She knew she messed up. And when you mess up, you say sorry and everything's fine. Right?
"Just stop taking all my stuff. It drives me u-it makes me mad. Okay?"
The younger Loud gazed at her older sister, her face displaying a mix of regret, uncertainty, and preoccupation. Lori, though, despite mellowing down through her deep breathing, still had annoyance pinching her cheeks. She sighed.
"I don't care if you want to start using hairpins," Lori said slowly. She then drew her eyes to Leni's clean, unblemished face, "And I also don't care if you wanna start using acne cream."
"As if you need it," Lori thought.
"But," Leni interjected. Her lips jumbled a little as she tried to get a footing on just what to say. Sometimes, her mouth just refused to cooperate, "I don't use your acne cream. Either the thing it comes in is tiny or, like, you put a ton of it on every day."
Lori staggered back a little. Her mouth awkwardly opened, exposing her shiny braces.
"Just ask Mom to buy you hairpins, okay?" Lori asked hastily, her thoughts sputtering. And just like that, she zoomed out of the room, leaving the younger Loud to her privacy.
"Okay," she spoke to herself, "let's see what you're up to, Garry."
"Leni! Could you come down for a minute?"
"Dah! Why now?"
She reluctantly put her computer down and paced out of her room and downstairs. Most of her siblings were hanging out in the living room playing, watching TV, talking. Glancing at it, she figured it was fun, but she knew she wasn't summoned down for that.
"I think that's lovely. But doesn't it get a little too humid when August hits?"
Leni approached the kitchen and saw her mother sitting at the table with her phone to her ear. Rita shot her a look a waved at her. By this point, Leni had learned that the best way to react to such a gesture was to wave back. For the next few seconds, there was visual and (supposedly) audio silence.
"Well I hope that goes well. Hey listen, I have someone that wants to speak with you...I'll hand it over."
Rita pulled the phone from her ear and reached out her arm towards Leni. The young girl eyed the gray brick before looking up to her mother. Her smile was nothing short of encouraging, but Leni spotted something else. She couldn't quite put her finger on it. But it held her off long enough for her to grab the phone and bring it up.
"Hello," she said.
"Leni?!" a voice exclaimed, penetrating the fuzzy static. The barrier was much more noticeable than the girl was used to, especially when talking to her parents on her own phone. Was it an old phone, she wondered.
"Yes, my name is Leni and I like clothes...a-and Ducky."
"Oh my goodness! It's been so long, you probably don't remember me," the voice said, some of her inflections getting swallowed by the static, "I'm Maddy and I used to come over to work with you!"
And now it hit her. It had been a few weeks, but now she recalled the promise her mother made to her. Sure it was a little late, but the fact that it happened at all was something she was impressed by. And it was at that moment that she remembered the few images her memory had of this person. Sure they were there, but to her, it felt hard to relate. It was as if she were talking to a celebrity or Percy.
"My mom, like, told me about you and how you, like, helped me learn to talk and stuff..." Leni said shyly, feeling her body crunch up a little as she stood. She felt herself getting nervous as she spoke, "you didn't have to, like, do that if you didn't want to."
Leni then turned away from her mother, too uncomfortable to see her reaction to all this.
"I did want to. In fact, it was a privilege that I got a chance to work with you, to get to meet you and your wonderful family," the voice said, the tone implying satisfaction, "Leni, your mom talks to me a couple times every month and every time, she always tells me about you. Do you want to know what she says to me?"
"What?"
"She says that you are one of the hardest workers she has ever seen. For someone that had a lot to overcome, you did it! None of us, not her, not me, not your dad could have imagined where you would end up. We all believe in you every day, Leni!"
As the voice dropped off, she could hear sounds vibrating, trying to bend through the audio film. It was like it was trying to break free of the stretchy prison.
"I...I'm sorry," the voice croaked, noticeably weaker than before. All Leni could wonder was whether this person on the other line was okay, "I'm just...really happy to hear your voice after all these years. I'm already blown away by you when your mom tells me about what you're up to, how you're growing into a beautiful person. But this...there's so much I want to say to you."
The voice sounded genuine. She tried piecing together the collection of sounds, seeing if it was what she thought (hoped) it was. All she could ask was if it was true.
"Where are you now?" Leni asked.
"Boston," the voice said, "You and your family should visit someday. It's a fantastic city with lots to do. I think you would love it!"
As she heard the voice speak, Leni slowly found the courage to turn around to see her mother. She swore she wasn't smiling before their eyes made contact. Rita just shot her a happy face the moment she was in her sight. Was that was she was seeing? Still, that didn't dampen the joy she got hearing the fuzzy voice.
"So...my Mom, like, says you still talk about me..." she said, dropping off at the end.
"Yup! Yup! Yup!" she heard. Leni felt her heart flourish and a small grin bouncing on her lips, "In Boston, I work with kids and help them learn how to talk. They're young, younger than you. They're wonderful and they work really hard...Sometimes, though, they get down. They get sad or frustrated or scared and they feel like they can't do anything...but you wanna know what I tell them?"
"Yes...?"
"I tell them about you," the voice said, supposedly with cheer, "Almost all the kids I work with know about you, Leni. Because you never gave up, you always had that drive to learn, and you were always so nice. You're a role model to them!" she then heard a chuckle, "In fact, one of them even has a crush on you."
Throughout the entirety of that exchange, Leni found it hard to stand. Her feet felt wobbly, so she sat down in a chair. Her entire body started heating up, as if it were a cooking oven. She darted to her mother, who was was still observing her. Deep down, Leni wasn't sure how to take this whole situation. Should she be accomplished? Grateful? Suspicious? Oh, why did Mom have to actually act upon that promise?
"I really want you to know that I am so proud of you! Never stop being your wonderful self! I wish we could all be like you; the world would be a much better place."
As she processed those words, she heard what appeared to be a sniffle. But was it really worth that? Still, Leni was flattered, even finding it in herself to smile, much to her mother's delight.
"Thank you, Maddy," she said happily.
"Thank you, Leni! Now I hope you enjoy your day, now."
"Thanks, good bye."
Leni then handed the phone back to her mother. But rather than bringing it back to her ear, she pressed the red button in the corner.
"Sounds like you had a pretty good talk," Rita said, perking up a smile.
"Uh...yeah," Leni said, her voice wavering and her head dipping to her lap.
Rita spotted this and her expression faded.
"Are you okay, honey? You seem a little down," she said, concerned.
Leni, though, merely shrugged. In the moment of that phone call, she did feel excitement. She was happy that her mother gave her that chance, that she gave that voice the opportunity to sound excited. But now, that pressure in her chest has morphed into something. Something that made it hard to make a smile or feel satisfied. She wished she knew why she felt that way.
"Is there really nothing else wrong with me?"
"I'm good," Leni said, this time finding the strength to bring her head to Rita's level. Even though neither of them were smiling, the older woman was at least glad that her daughter was speaking, "Thank you for doing this for me...she was very happy to speak to me."
Rita glanced at her daughter. For a moment, she prepared for a sudden addition or change to her daughter's attitude. Given how unexpectedly Leni acted during the call, she figured something else could have happened. Was it just an episode of poor body language or communication?
"You're welcome. Maddy and I really mean when we say we are proud of you," she said.
Leni, though, simply got up and walked away. From what it seemed, the conversation had achieved its purpose, a reasonable point for Leni to move to the next item of her agenda. But even as she strolled towards the stair, that terrible weight persisted. Unlike what she felt during the call, it didn't leave an exciting anticipation for a relief. It was something nastier. It made her stomach hurt. And her head aged as it struggled to make sense of it all.
"What's going on?" was the question she asked as she was reunited with her beloved fanfic.
Leni was still getting used to the intimidating hallways of Royal Woods Junior High. She had interrogated Lori about the school, but it was still weird having to go to different rooms with different teachers for each and every subject (for the first week, she needed a paper to remind her of when to go to which room). The only thing she was certain of going in was the floor plan, which she studied on the first day of seventh grade.
While she had previously resorted to sitting with the same group of girls at Royal Woods Elementary, she spent the first several days at Junior High eating lunch alone. Unlike before, the new cafeteria was much larger and daunting. The tables shifted from a home-like mahogany to an economic gray. Compared to elementary school, it felt more sterile, more professional. Something about this new air initially made her hesitant to join the other girls.
Not that these woes lasted too long, though.
One day, in the third week of school, Leni purchased her lunch and marched over to one of the tables. Sure enough, most of those familiar faces (all five of them) were packed together in a given section. None of them had any food. And there was plenty of room at the end (most of the rest of the table in fact) for her to plop herself under. Seeing this as an invitation, she sat at it.
"I cried so hard during that scene! She deserves so much better than that scumbag!" one of the girls exclaimed. Leni recognized it as Cassidy.
"I know. And, um, that girl he chose over her! I literally thought Carol!"
"Same!" all the girls chimed in. Leni, though, murmured the phrase, unsure of how it would go. She did, though, somewhat recall that name.
"But then she got the biggest makeover ever and showed both of them up!"
"All she needs now is a man that digs that."
"It'll be totes easy!"
Leni was frazzled by the quick delivery of each line. It was like she was watching an episode of Dream Boat with Lori on fast forward. Even though she could (somewhat) make out the content, there was no room to jump in. Silence didn't exist in this tiny corner of the table.
"So how about that new Boyz Will Be Boyz CD that just came out?"
"I know! I wanna see them live so bad!"
"'Dirty Lot of Trouble' was my fav!"
"Mine too!"
By now, Leni resorted to eating her meal. It was pizza day, so she helped herself to two slices of cheese without toppings (not that there was variety outside pepperoni). Much of the discussion she heard was based on things she was unfamiliar with. Some of it she's heard of, but never actually experienced in full. What was there to say outside 'I heard of that'?
"Stop saying stuff that can't lead to other stuff."
Even with the fast pace of the talk, she was surprised by how little clothes was brought up. All five of the girls were dressed to impress; they were decked out in leather jackets, silk shirts, and white pants. Gazing at these stunning displays of fashion made Leni feel a little embarrassed by her simple turquoise dress.
But it didn't stop at the clothes. They were all wearing lipstick, some of them had mascara around their eyes, and she could have sworn one of them had something on their cheeks. Leni was not one to wear makeup, unlike her big sister Lori. These days, the girl had all sorts of products scattered across their bureau. Each morning before school, the oldest Loud spent no less than ten minutes meticulously applying it all across her face. By the end, she looked pretty and Leni made sure to compliment her (as she knew by this point that Lori often demanded praise).
But Leni herself didn't know how to use it and she never bothered asking anyone to teach her. Besides, as pretty as it made Lori look, she didn't want to spend all that time in the morning. She figured clothes alone would be enough.
Soon enough, lunch ended. The girls got up simultaneously and stood around their seats, chatting as they (slowly) made their exit. Leni got up a little after and stood, seeing if she could join in their discussion of...whatever they were talking about. The clump moved around her towards the opposite end of the long table. Grabbing her things, Leni followed behind the group of girls, thinking this was the requirement for socializing. She figured that even if she wasn't able to contribute, being close was enough. Right?
She never got a word in throughout the whole time.
Leni got caught up with a few other kids in a crowd as she tried throwing away her plastic tray. She did her best to shove her tray through the mob of hands attempting the same feat.
Upon getting it in, she turned and pushed forward. The five girls were nowhere to be found. It was then that she remembered that they didn't buy any food. What reason was there for them to loiter around the trash barrel? To wait for their 'girl'?
"They hate me," Leni said to herself as she trudged out of the cafeteria, alone. All along the hallway, she ganders at the waves of students proceeding to their distinct destinations. For every kid she saw walking alone, there was a trio chuckling and sharing nuggets of insight.
"I don't think I said anything insulting. Was it a face I made? A thingy I did with my hands or something?" she contemplated, her step slowing with each passing word. From the corner of her eye, she noticed people going around her, pacing past her in their hurry to their next appointment. Thinking of that made her slow even more. All those people she's forcing to change their trajectory, lest they bother her. Why was she someone they should acknowledge?
Eventually, she reached a corner out of the way of the main traffic. She stopped to look at the poster.
"Fashion Club
Meets Every Thursday
Wanna come talk about clothes, make up, and what's popular! Come join us to talk fashion and style your own creation!"
Accompanied to it were pictures of clothes, clearly ripped from Clip Art. Leni had seen that poster every day since Monday. Whenever she saw it, she got excited. To think that there was an actual place for her to relish in something she loved. When she told Lori about it, she said something about making friends. Would the other girls be there? Would she finally get a word in?
Sadly, it was only Wednesday. Sure her parents already knew about it and were completely accepting of letting her do it. The only obstacle, so it seemed, was time.
With that little piece of hope to push her along, she turned the corner to the first door. She turned it open to expose herself to a narrow room. It was slightly larger than that of Mrs. Boxer's. At the large round table was Mrs. Lane, a younger woman with grizzly orange hair and glasses. Next to her were two other boys, Billy and Jake.
"Hi Leni!" Jake shouted, enthusiastically whipping his arm back and forth.
"Hi," Billy said softly, simply holding his open palm over his chest, as if he were using it to defend himself.
"Good afternoon, Leni," Mes. Lane said cheerfully, "how has your day been?"
"Okay," she said as she took a seat next to Billy.
As Mrs. Lane started talking, Leni thought more about those five girls. Even with the prospect of the future, she still was curious. Why didn't they try to include her? Why couldn't they even say 'hi'?
She looked up and saw the gentle teacher write stuff on a white board. Something about didn't feel right.
"Is this really the best for me? Do the others even bother with this stuff?" she asked herself as she saw Mrs. Lane teach.m
Leni wasn't one to protest. Whenever she felt like jumping in or to disagree, she was paralyzed by a magnetic force. It put her in her place. She was no more than Leni, the one that went with whatever others did. And nothing got tense. No hard feelings were had, right?
She wasn't about to spoil it. Maybe another day. When she learned to do it all on her own. But for now, her ears yielded to Mrs. Lane's lesson and Billy and Jake's questions.