"I...I've always been scared," Rosy Cake said through tense cries. Even her bouncy curly mane was downtrodden. She had her hooves wrapped around a purple pony.
"Of what?" the purple pony asked, clearly worried for her friend.
"Of losing you guys...I'm scared you'll start thinking me to be a silly pony that always throws dumb parties! Don't you get annoyed Twily?"
Twily gasped.
"Rosy, you know I would never stop being your friend" she said, tightening her hug. Her purple eyes widened as she continued speaking, "You make us happy. You always know just what to do whenever we're sad or need some cheering up."
Leni was grateful that her parents finally got her a smartphone for her birthday. It made it easier to watch latest episodes of Princess Pony without drawing attention to herself (not that she had before). And with a set of white headphones on, she could easily drown out the crazy noise that interfered with her precious cartoon.
And what a week to be tuned in.
Just then, Lori entered the room and plopped herself on her bed with her phone. Leni felt her heart jump a little, but was relieved when her sister didn't say anything. Ever since she got her phone, Lori had been glued it; the thing practically became attached to her body. But unlike Leni, the older Loud used it for texting and talking.
But Leni didn't pay too much heed to that. There were more pressing issues going on in Equestria.
Her favorite character Rosy Cake had been reduced to tears when confronted by one of her five best friends. Now, she was revealing new parts of her personality that were previously hidden. Leni was quite shocked to learn this information. To think that this whole time that Rosy Cake, even with the conflicts she went through, was a bouncy a free spirit. Strangely enough, these revelations also gave her a sense of familiarity. The more she internalized them, the more comfortable she got.
"I don't get why a lot of people don't like this show. I think it's great."
"You don't really mean that, do you?" Rosy Cake asked, sniffling.
"I mean it from the bottom of my heart," Twily said, smiling. She then used one of her hooves to rub her friend's back, "You're the sweetest pony I've ever met. It's because of you that I've started opening up and making friends. Whenever I or anyone else see you bouncing down the street, none of us can't help but smile," she then pulled herself back and helped Rosy wipe some tears off her cheeks.
"I wake up and see the sun," Twily softly sang.
"It makes me smile and cheer.
I jump out of bed and I'm
Gonna make you smile from ear to ear."
Rosy Cake chuckled with her hoarse throat. To think that earlier that same season, she sang that exact song. Granted it was loud and boisterous, but it was just as heartwarming when it was gentle and soft.
"There's the Rosy Cake I know," Twily said, smiling. Rosy Cake then tackled her friend, wrapping her in a deep embrace. Although tears streamed down her face, even Leni could tell by her giant grin that they were out of joy.
"Ugh, you literally have to get Carol to quit," Lori suddenly exclaimed. The outburst surpassed Leni's headphones, prompting her to hit pause. She was thankful that the episode had aired last night, which gave her that very luxury. Leni yanked the buds out of her ears and faced an irritated Lori.
"I still don't get why you think Carol is, like, a big meanie," Leni said, placing her phone down on the bed, "She's nice."
Lori, though, shook her head.
"No she isn't," Lori proclaimed, "I've known her since kindergarten and every time she was around, she would always have these stupid expensive clothes to show off. She's been nothing but rude, snobby," her head then lowered as her eyes caught afire, "and so full of herself! She was the first girl in my grade to catch all the latest stuff. First to have a purse, first to get a cell phone, first to wear lipstick!"
"You," Leni said, though her lips quickly became loose, "have all those things, like, too."
Lori facepalmed.
"I don't think you get it," she answered, sighing, "when she got those things, everyone thought it was so cool. She waved all that stuff around and that made everyone want to get it. It became a mad dash and any girl that didn't catch on were left to fend for themselves," Lori then gazed down at her own phone with its blue cover. The older Loud exhaled once more as she thought about her own circumstances, her phone, her purse that she often kept stashed under her bed, her elaborate makeup.
"She wasn't like that when I, like, talked to her," Leni said, her eyes wide and innocent.
"Of course she wouldn't," Lori scoffed.
Leni saw her sister thumbing through her phone, as if to text one of her friends. Was that all? What was she getting at by doing this? It couldn't have been so.
"Why would she do that?" Leni asked, trying to make her voice sound naive. She watched as Lori looked up from her plastic device.
"Isn't it obvious? No one ever acts mean to you, Leni," Lori said.
Normally, Leni would have just left it at that. After all, it would have been pretty assuring to know that she was safe from insults and assaults of any sort. And with the baggage she believed she had, that should have been reassuring. So why wasn't it? Could it be that nothing in this world could have been free of danger? She was coaxed to press on.
"Why would she do that?" Leni asked her sister, who appeared to be examining her reaction. Leni didn't feel like she had made her thought process apparent. But then again, the world could be a lot smarter than her, no matter how advanced she became.
"Because she knows about you. She may be nasty to everyone else, but even she knows that it's not cool to pick on kids like you. It doesn't surprise me that she would be 'nice' to you," Lori then propped up her hands to emphasize the air quotes. Leni could detect the knife piercing the air. She couldn't tell if her sister getting mad at her or Carol.
"What are you talking about?" Leni asked, getting concerned, "why would she only be nice to me?"
Lori, though, rolled her eyes.
"Do I have to spell it out?" she shot back, clearly annoyed. Leni started to feel bad for bothering her big sister. She didn't bother saying anything. It wasn't as if she had any ideas anyhow.
The older Loud merely sighed.
"She feels sorry for you," she explained as she got up and stood and began walking around the room, flourishing her hands as she spoke, "In her mind, she sees you as slow, friendless, someone that has nothing going for them and stuck at the bottom. So she acts all nice to you because she has nothing to gain from knocking you down."
Leni sat there and tried to absorb those words. This idea. The possibility of a person deceiving her and others in such a mocking way. On one hand it seemed preposterous, impossible for such an underhanded motion and feeling to transpire (or at least to her specifically). But, in an uncomfortable fashion, it struck a tense and coherent chord. Her mind produced that same sensation of realization than when she figured out which puzzle piece goes in a certain spot. But was Carol really like that? Did she and her sister even know the same person?
"Do you feel sorry for me, Lori?" she asked, her eyes widening even further. Immediately, Lori jerked her head at her little sister.
"Of course not," she replied sharply, "I know you way better than she ever will. You're my sister and nothing is ever gonna change that."
The second Loid briefly darted her eyes at her phone, where Princess Pony was still paused. Lori didn't need to know everything after all. Before her sister could get suspicious, though, she looked back at Lori, whose expression had softened. Leni's mind was about as far from equilibrium as it could be, but she had no interest of pressing further.
"I guess that's a good enough answer."
"Okay," Leni answered, her face blank, "thanks, Lori."
"Sure," Lori said before sitting back down on her bed. In that moment, Leni didn't mind the company, even with all the questions she hoped to ask. She figured a lot of them would just have to wait for another day.
She picked up her phone and continued watching the episode. She witnessed as Rosy Cake and Twily continued hugging and chuckling in each other's company. The camera panned out and faded to one last shot. She witnessed Rosy standing alone outside her house carrying a yellow balloon. Her bright blue eyes gazed at the latex surface and she exhaled. And then, her hoof loosened and allow it to sail off into the sky. The pony smiled and looked up at the sunny sky, witnessing the balloon take its own special course. And it was at that shot where it dimmed to black and the episode ended.
She didn't head out right away. She knew that she had to wait for just the right moment where she could slip undetected from Lori.
She had nothing against her big sister. She wasn't mad or annoyed that she couldn't see the same things she could. And it's not like Leni didn't trust her. Lori had always seemed to be her mentor, her voice of reason, her motivator. If anything, she was wrong for having this inkling of doubt, the need to cook up a talk with her mother. Why couldn't she just sit down and forget about it like she always had.
The nursery was a safe bet for where Rita would be. Sure little Lisa would be there too, but Leni figured she was just a baby so she wouldn't be listening. As for her other little sisters, they were probably downstairs hanging out with the others. It was the perfect time to have a nice private chat.
Leni made her way down the hall past the stair and opened the next door on the right. Sure enough, Rita and Lisa were the only ones in the room. But what she was thrown off by was the mess in the room. No, the room wasn't littered by broken toys or dirty diapers. Leni noticed that the carpet was instead littered by books. Just by a glance, none of them were familiar to her. She didn't see anything by Dr. Seuss or Shel Silverstein. Instead there were hard cover volumes that looked more like her textbooks than anything else. They were all scattered across the floor, some of them still open to some page in the middle.
"Hi sweetie," she heard her mother say. Rita was lying on the ground propped against a wall. Next to her was Lisa sitting upright, her little baby hands gripping one of the tomes and her head buried in its dense pages. While the baby was unfazed, the mother quickly noticed Leni's eyes moving about the room, "Sorry about the mess, it's been a long day."
The girl, though, continued to walk up to her mother and little sister. Even with them on the ground, Leni decided to stand.
"That's okay. Uh, I, like, have a question."
"What is it, honey?" Rita asked, smiling.
Here she was. She made it this far and the conditions were right. Before she advanced, all Leni could think about were those days she now spent with Mrs. Lane. She knew that she was by no means a malicious teacher; she had done nothing to provoke this sensation. That was largely brought on by her own silly thoughts. But now it was there and she might as well go forward.
"Do you feel sorry for me?" Leni asked. It then hit her to tack on a simple definition for clarification, "Do you, like, see me as slow, friendless, someone that, like, has nothing going for me? And, like, are you, like, only nice to you because you have nothing to gain from knocking me down."
Leni cringed as she finished that last part. No wonder she had to ask. She couldn't even come up with her own words to describe her feelings. What ever made her think she could make some conclusion like this on her own?
Meanwhile, she watched as her mother's eyes tinged and smile evaporated in a flash.
"So much for being the nice one."
"Absolutely not. You are everything but those things," Rita said adamantly, "You're brilliant, you're kind, and you can do anything you put your mind to," the mother then examined her second daughter's face for any outstanding features. Thankfully there were no tears, no sad frowns, no pain in her eyes. She hoped they weren't hiding something, "Whatever made you think that?"
What was she supposed to say? Had she known she would be faced with such a question, she would have never bothered. She now regretted even coming into the room. Now, what? Tell her the truth?
"Have Lori get in trouble and mad at me. Make Mrs. Lane look bad when she has been nothing but good to me and the others! What have I done?"
Her only response was a shrug. Her default.
"Is someone at school picking on you?" Rita asked, concerned. But now, Leni felt herself sinking in a nasty pit. Just moments ago, her mom was at peace enjoying her baby sister's company. Now, she had singehandedly rocked that boat, ruining her mother's whole day in one swoop. And all to satisfy her dumb curiosity. What kind of daughter was she, she wondered.
"Um, no," Leni replied, trying her best to not make her mother even more worried, "I was just wondering."
Rita exhaled, trying to relieve herself of the troubling thoughts plaguing her. The last thing she ever wanted was for one of her children to be too afraid to open up to anyone when they were in distress.
"Okay," she said before taking another breath, "I'm sorry, it's just that I care about you so much. All I want is for you and your siblings to be safe and happy."
Leni merely stood there, wishing she could disappear. As her mother spoke, she tried focusing on something else. She tried staring at her baby sister Lisa as she flipped another page in that massive book. Leni marveled at how her sister had barely moved or made a sound during her interruption.
"So," Rita said. Her voice was calmer, but even Leni could detect a hint of nerves in it. She regretted hearing that sad effort to be cheerful, all for her sake, "how did the meeting go? Were there a lot of kids there?"
"Yes," Leni answered, nodding her head.
"Are you making friends?"
Now she really regretted getting herself into this trap. And with that came a price to pay. She nodded once more.
"I'll try working at it some more."
"Great," Rita said, throwing up a smile. At this point, it looked to be genuine again, but Leni was still uneasy. How could she be sure anymore?
"So, like, how has Lisa been?" Leni asked flatly.
"Wonderful," her mother said, gazing at her youngest daughter. She then reached a hand out to her, "Lisa," she chirped in her baby voice, "say 'hi' to Leni!"
Lisa and the book were like a united statue. It was as if she didn't hear a single word of the entire conversation she was near. Rita, though, curled her lips anyway and tried cooing the baby to look up from that monumental volume. Nothing worked.
"It must be a pretty fun read," Rita said. Her head then leaned forward to glance at the cover, where the title was printed in small gilded letters, "Applications of Einstein's Theory of Relativity. I would love to hear you talk about it with me and your big sister Leni," she added, using her hand to point to her second daughter. But for the most part, it was like talking to the wall the baby was leaning against.
Before another word could be uttered, Leni walked out. She stood like a pencil as she paced her way back to her room and sat on her bed. She stared at the wall closet to it, the one where she once drew pictures of her designs. Sure some of them still lingered in the attic, but their absence was uncomfortably noticeable. Leni couldn't bear to look at that blank plaster for another second. She forced herself up and went to her sewing machine.
"Time to get to work."
Grabbing several pieces of fabric and scissors, Leni started cutting up clean pieces to be used. She neatly organized them on one side of the desk. She refilled the machine with a fresh bobbin of turquoise string and threaded the needle properly. And with that, she started running.
Leni found herself sitting next to the same five girls at lunch that Friday. Each of the five had green and purple salads that they occasionally took a bite out of. Leni, meanwhile, had already devoured her fruit bowl (which consisted of apple, watermelon, and grapes).
Even though she often found it hard to follow the conversation's flow, she had slowly been learning the names. She had already known Cassidy and Tara, but now she also knew one of them was named Whitney. And the others, well, they would come with time.
Suddenly, their chatter died and they leaned into each other. Leni looked up and saw a familiar girl pass by whose face appeared distant. The girl leaned away from the pack, her eyes avoidant. But once at the end of the line, her expression noticeably lightened. She even smiled a little as she waved directly at Leni. Leni silently waved back and stared at the girl as she continued past her. Eventually, she settled down at a different table with her own set of girls. Even Leni knew it was Carol.
"Can you believe her!"
"OMG! She is literally the worst!"
"Did you see how she literally gave us the cold shoulder?"
Only Leni could keep her eyes on Carol. She watched as the girl interacted with her friends. From what she could make out, nothing appeared malicious. She was smiling, talking, even chuckling at whatever her friend just told her.
Curious to learn more, she got up and made the walk over to that part of the cafeteria. The room was crowded and raucous, but Carol had a distinctive face that was impossible to miss. As Leni got closer to her, Carol's head perked up and turned to her. Leni could have sworn sher saw a smile pop on the older girl.
"Hi Leni. Do you wanna sit with us?" Carol asked. Leni figured that her voice sounded friendly and sincere. Carol's smile was noticeable and didn't seem forced. And all of her friends were focused on her; their mouths and eyes didn't look to radiate any form of contempt or pity. Those were good signs.
Leni moved forward and one of the girls nudged over, giving her room to sit down. She immediately accepted.
"So, Leni, how have you been?" Carol asked kindly.
She nodded, hoping that would spice up her response.
"Good," Leni answered, trying her best to make her voice sound chipper. It was moments like these that she found that it required a lot of effort. She wondered how other kids could talk with such vigor consistently all the time, "What about you?"
"Very good, thanks for asking," she said, sounding delighted. She then raised an arm and maneuvered it flawlessly across the group, capturing her friends' attention, "everyone, this is Leni and she runs the new Fashion Club."
"That's so cool! I wanna join," one of the friends exclaimed.
"Carol literally told me all about it this morning! That's fantastic!"
"Totes! That's the one thing this dump was missing!"
All of them were grinning. Sure, Leni found her own lips rushing upward, but she was quickly drawn to the others. Those big, white, flawless teeth directed at her. Leni assumed she could never size up to such perfection, so what did she ever do to deserve any of them?
"Hi Carol," Leni said gently, lifting her hand once more. Maybe that would ease ther tension, she figured. Maybe that would convince them all that she was cozy, "So, like, I was wondering if I could learn more about you. I don't know you very well."
Carol grinned.
"That's okay," she said. Leni could have sworn that Carol's eyes sparkled in that instant, "I'm in eighth grade, just like Lori. And these are my friends," she said as she pointed to each of them, who in turn waved back to Leni and gave those magazine-quality smiles, "Paula, Jessie, Sandra, and Danielle."
"Um...hi," was all Leni could say.
"Just like you, we all love fashion. The five of us are at the mall every weekend and it's literally the best. When I heard there was a fashion club, I flipped out and I knew I had to go to the first meeting. What you are doing is simply fabulous!" Carol said, her smile persisting the whole time. Leni kept her eyes squarely on her, fixated on any defects from her expression. Was Lori telling the truth about her?
"But literally, Carol is also Mother Theresa," Sandra said. Leni broke from Carol to focus on the new center of attention, "She's in the Honor Society and does so much community service!"
"Every Tuesday after school, she goes to this little girl's house and hangs out. She helps her with her homework, plays dolls with her, and is literally a big sister to her," Danielle interjected, finishing with a hand flick.
"Girls," Carol said, chuckling a little, "you know I don't like honking my own horn," she then turned directly to Leni, "I don't like to talk about that type of stuff," and just like that, she directed her gaze to the entire group, "So I guess that's all there is to me. I'm just your normal girl going to Royal Woods Junior High," she then turned back to Leni, "anything else you wanna know?"
It was as if she were reading her thoughts (however that was possible). While the recent experience with her mom gave her some warning of the scalding heat she awaited, Leni's curiosity would not relent. As she prepared to speak, her mind asked her why she couldn't just sit there like a dumb animal that doesn't question or think about anything.
"Um...do you like my big sister Lori?" Leni asked carefully.
Carol and the other girls nodded.
"She's a pretty good person that takes care of her family," she said, although her eyes wavered slightly, "I think it would be great if we could be friends someday."
"Why does Lori not like you?" Leni spat out. Internally, she slapped herself. After seeing a dubious eye slight like that, she just carelessly dropped that question. What was happening? She wondered why she was turning into an inexplicable monster.
Carol sighed.
"I haven't been able to talk to her very much, but I think it's because of my attitude," Carol said solemnly. She placed both her hands on the table and clamped them together, "I used to be a jerk and I left a lot of lame insults and...hurt feelings. I thought it would be so cool to show off all my stuff and be mean to those that didn't have those things. You could say I was like one of those spoiled brats in those high school movies."
As the older girl spoke, all Leni could do was feel bad for forcing this upon her gracious hostess. All so she could learn private information for what? At the moment, the end was nowhere in sight, making the means uncalled for. No wonder she couldn't make any friends, she figured.
"Sure I eventually got my act together, but that was only last year," she continued, "I guess there are some people that think I'm still a jerk. I wouldn't blame them. Change doesn't happen overnight, you know."
Carol still had her hands on the table, her eyes were largely downcast. Her other friends started giving her consolations and reassurances. The chorus of sweet voices and her guilt built up an energy in her arms and throat. Eventually, Leni thrust both her hands on top of Carol's.
"I'm your friend. I'm sorry I made you sad," Leni said rapidly. No 'likes', no hesitations, no stumbles.
Just like magic, her voice was the cue for Carol to speak up and separate her own hands, holding her open palms in the air. Sure enough, all the voices died down.
"Thanks girls, that all means a lot to me," she said warmly, accompanied by a smile and bright eyes. She then leaned in towards Leni, allowing the younger girl to absorb all those lovely and encouraging features, "It's okay, you didn't make me sad at all. And besides, you asked a question. You don't need to worry about a thing."
And then the bell rang. Leni jumped from her seat.
"Leni, wait!"
The Loud froze in place and turned frightfully towards the older girl.
"Don't you want to walk with us to class?" Carol asked. Accompanied were the high-pitched cheers and nods by her friends, "we would love for you to join us."
"No thanks. I have...class," Leni said, hoping that none of them would ask further. Thankfully, no such effort manifested.
"Well okay," Carol replied with a smile, "Well we would love to hang out with you again some time."
"Thanks."
Leni bolted off. The last thing she wanted at a time like this was for someone like Carol to see where she was heading. She was grateful she didn't have any food to toss in the garbage. She kept on walking, finding gaps between blocs of people to squeeze past.
What she felt was a wave of guilt, embarrassment, and anger. Why did she have to be so rude? Why did she have to be such a burden? To her, Carol was the greatest person on the planet. She didn't even consider the wrongness of Lori not liking her. All that mattered was how wrong she herself was for making Carol sad. The roller coaster she experienced in the last day felt more like a lifetime.
"Where am I going to?" was what she asked herself as she saw Mrs. Lane's door. Another session awaited her, which (she felt) was rightfully deserved.