Data Log Entry: 21831108
I feel like I am starting to pull away from some of the crew…well, maybe pull away is not exactly the right term. Drifting apart? More and more of my time seems to be spent with the aliens aboard the ship. I eat with them, I take them on our missions, and what little spare time I have is spent conversing with them as I am usually either in the engine room or in the med lab. They are just stronger, more equipped and more versatile. With the right combination, they are simply a superior force. Am I turning my back on mankind? I was after all, hand selected by the counsel. I served them not the Alliance anymore.
Tonight at dinner, I could feel the stares from my human crew on the back of my head as I sat with Tali and Liara on the mess decks. They were deep in conversation with Tali completely excited about what she was discussing. Probably some technical garble that's foreign even to me but anytime Liara didn't understand a technical term she would tilt her head a little and squint her eyes and Tali would stop in mid sentence and explain the term to her. She was very good at making sure Liara completely understood what she was talking about; especially when it came to technical jargon. Which is great because half the time I didn't know what Tali was talking about either.
None of the humans ever took such care in making sure Liara understood things or was included; except of course Dr. Chakwas, but thankfully she is pretty much exempt from every stereotype. To the rest of the crew though, it seemed like an inside joke to see how much they could get away with while poking fun at the young Prothean expert. It didn't matter that she was older than most of their grandparents or that she had traveled more of the universe in her short life compared to all of us put together.
If I sat back and thought hard enough about it, I would probably say they were being down right cruel. Was this just another unconscious reason why I preferred the company of the aliens? If I took disciplinary actions towards them, surely the gap in my allegiance between the humans and the aliens would widen. I'm a little torn on the subject and even more frustrated that I have to consider it.
Nonetheless, I genuinely enjoy the aliens' stories. They are so passionate and straightforward and don't seem to engage in the emotional games humans so like to play. They basically say what is on their minds. No wonder Liara had such a problem adapting to the human crew when she first joined us. I fear that had she known the intent behind the subtle hints the crew used towards her, she would've hid in her office and never come out again.
As this anguishes stews deep in my stomach, I also feel; I'm not like them. I was hand chosen by the Counsel. Never before had a human been given the opportunity to stand with the elite: a Human Spectre. Don't I deserve to stand above the rest and not just represent mankind; but the entire galaxy? Why doesn't this reassure me, as I feel it should?
As the knot in my stomach twists even more, I wish Liara was here right now. Somehow she always makes me feel better; she's the calming to the storm, raging inside of me. Something about those purebred blue eyes I think help out a lot too.
- Shepard Out
A/N: This was written a LONG time ago, like months ago so forgive me if it doesn't fit in my current writing style. (sheepish grin)