Chapter 15
AN: Hi everyone, I know that this chapter is a quite a bit shorter than the last (only about 6,300 words). I apologize for that especially because it took me so long to get it posted. However, I became side-tracked and wrote roughly about 3000 words of a huge climax of the story when things happen later down the line (much more drama to come). I could not get it off of my brain. Brace yourselves everybody. And I hope you like this chapter. …..
Also, for those of you who read Changes in the Tides, Courage on the Wings, I know that I am terrible and haven't updated that in a VERY long time. I still am in love with the characters and am committed to the story, but I'm in an obvious rut. However, the year anniversary of when I first began posting the story is coming up and I promise, I vow, to post a new chapter on that date: January 6, 2012. I've already started outlining folks. Somehow, some way it'll happen.
whenwordsfail –I am glad this is one of your favorites. I try my best to make sure that the story is paced correctly. There are going to be lots of twists and turns in this story so I hope you enjoy what's in store. Thank you for the review.
Hypegurl- Thanks for the review. I hope this was quick enough.
Renata – Thank you for your kisses from Brazil! I love that you are reading and reviewing my story and I look forward to keep entertaining you!
Welsh – I try to get my updates out as fast as possible – thank you for reading!
dreamchaser888 – I am so glad you have this as one of your favorite stories. Rachel is a special little girl. And you are correct Santana and Quinn do have so many things in common but they are both unwilling to see that at this point. Thank you for your review.
dragonrider94 – I am very glad you are enjoying this story – I try my very best to avoid typos and grammatical errors – I apologize and promise you strive to do my best to get the updates out fast and the chapters out as error free as possible
TheTBone - It's alright to be emotional. Appreciate you being amazing and supportive. Really, you need to stop boosting my ego. It'll only lead to disappointment. Haha What happened to Quinn is devastating and I have only revealed part of it. Hold on to your hat. Santana and Shelby scene was difficult to write but necessary. Thank you for not skipping ahead. I'll be mean again and tell you there is another Santana sequence that had my editors upset. Thanks as always. Don't skip ahead.
Anon – This story will have lots of flashbacks so you will be able to see what all of the kids have gone through and how Shelby has endured and helped them all through it – Thanks for your review.
miriami –Thank you for your review. I try my best to update regularly and I even hope to update to two a week but life and this delicate story dictate how quickly I can update but my readers and reviewers like you keep me going! Your words challenge me to put out my best and I thank you for that – There is a lot of guilt going around in this story and hopefully the true guilty ones will be the only ones to continue to pay.
A – Shelby and Santana have a lot of love and respect for each other and will continue to work together to get through their challenges
mariska23fan – Well don't get into trouble with your family – family is very important as you can see from this story – but thank you for your kind words and I hopefully will continue to entertain you – thanks for your review
broadwaybound2016 – please get off your hands and knees I don't want to hurt you! I am trying to get the updates out as quickly as I can but I don't want my readers and reviewers to get hurt in the process! Thank you for reviewer- seriously I work on the next chapter as soon as this chapter is posted. Quinn is starting to see but she has been through a lot so it is going to take some time. But with lots of encouragement from Shelby and Rachel I think she will get there. Thanks again.
rachelfabray - I am glad you are loving this story. I love your reviews!
Ryoko05 – I am sorry I am making you cry! Thank you for your review. I am glad (I think) that I have touched you so deeply with the story. I am doing my best to get all of the characters their equal opportunities – however, so much has happened to the girls that they are the focus but big brother Puck gets his share.
Marissa – Thanks for your review. I am trying my best to get the chapters out as soon as possible – Puck will continue to try and be an amazing big brother!
Chickabilly – Again you make me laugh with your witty reviews for my tragic tale. Quinn always remembers her grammar no matter who she is talking about. Ahhh Frannie is a piece of work but being raised by Russell and Judy and not as strong as Quinn how could she not be as evil as she is. I am proud of you for ringing your mom and telling her that you love her – I hope this chapter allows you to do the same because everyone should have a mom like Shelby and tell her that they love her. Keep the reviews coming – they make me strive to give you the best that I have to offer. I hope not to let you down. Hang on because I think a couple more chapters you will be calling your mom every day!
carbygurl05 – I am flattered by your review – thank you so much! Reviews like yours bring tears to my eyes. There is a lot more happening on the horizon for these kids and hopefully it is not all bumpy. But since Shelby is there to help all of them I think they will make it through – at least I hope so!
twilight2892 – I hope I continue to excite you ! So many things happened to this family that it is not easy to get them all out – and poor Santana – always feeling guilty. I hope you like this next chapter – thank you for reviewing
NayaFan – I am glad you still love this fic. You will get to see what has happened to everyone but it is a slow process because they are just getting it out themselves – thank you for taking the time to review my story
Random Dice – Thanks! I'm trying!
w1cked- Sometimes love is blind and in Leroy's case it was! Russell and Judy are not up for any parents of the year awards but their fates are still up in the air. Hopefully they get what each deserve. Thank you for reviewing. Reviews help me so much!
val-cb – Thank you! I aim to please
SuzQQ - Wow that was a novel but I loved every word you wrote. Thank you so much for putting the time and effort into a review. I feel so touched by your fabulous review and now I feel compelled to get my readers only my very best work. I love how you pick up on every detail – Shelby is a strong person but she has a strong support system that we will soon see – Thanks again for the awesome review!
AcexofxSpades – Keep up with your finals and I will make sure you have the right amount of updates to keep you going! I love reviews – the longer the better – so thank you for taking the time to do one at any length.
amandaes417 – I am glad I was able to make your day. Poor Noah, his eleven year old sister has to correct him - but he is trying so hard. Thank you for reading.
marinka4 – Unlike the show, Finn is not a hero here. Its too bad because I like Cory but Finn – he has a lot of growing up to do! - Thank you for the review.
NinjaGleek21 – Thanks for the cookie ! Hold on because there will be more flashbacks and things to come – Hiram was not a nice man and unfortunately these kids need to work it all out to heal more.
TommyH – Thank you Tommy ! I appreciate you reviewing all the time
ajunebuga – Hiram is a sick sick man – No more swearing though – because in the next couple of chapters you may be swearing a lot more! Thank you for the review
OTHangels – I try to update quickly because I hate to keep my faithful readers like you waiting. Thanks for your patience though! Your reviews make me try to go as fast as possible.
Gleek1990 – Thank you for noticing the horse carriage tidbit. Quinn is starting to learn that families don't have to be cruel – they can be loving – the poor girl has been through a lot. Now if her and Santana can just realize that they share common emotions because of trauma it would be a lot easier for the two of them. Thank you for reviewing
SparkleInTheSun – Thank you for reviewing ! I am honored that it is your favorite story. I will update as fast as I can – and I appreciate all my reviewers so so much. You guys make my day.
…..
Quinn looked over at Rachel and Puck or Noah, whatever his name was. The little girl had previously been leaning against her brother and now she was sitting on the backs of her heels and propping up occasionally on her knees to poke at the hideousness that had become her brother's hair. Sympathy was something she didn't do; pity was certainly something she didn't do; and finally weakness was something that she refused to do. Not that they were weak….. she trailed off on her internal rant. A smaller voice with a stronger tone in the back of her mind whispered, but they aren't they?
"Noah, I believe that you would look more presentable without this hairstyle," Rachel told him. "It makes you look like someone dropped a dead animal on your head. Minus the blood of course."
"Thanks," Noah said with a confused frown.
Quinn's rolled her eyes. Her ears perked up when she heard a door open at the end of the hallway. She heard Shelby's heels clicking and Santana's Cheerios sneakers walking at a brisk pace. Naturally, she furrowed her brow and pinched her lips together at Santana's appearance. Something had happened in that room because the Santana that just stepped into the waiting room wasn't the same as the one who had left previously. Yes, over the past couple days the girl had become different in her eyes, but something was even more drastic about her fellow cheerleader. The girl had looked lost and broken before, but now Quinn could see something had indeed broken.
The blond scowled even deeper. She watched as Rachel went immediately to Santana to check if she was alright. She watched as the shattered pieces she was sure that she saw before were quickly glued back together for the sake of the wise, eleven year old. Quinn knew at that moment that she wasn't going to be Santana. She wasn't going to go into that room and come out looking as vulnerable as Santana did now. Ever.
"Ready?" Shelby asked.
Quinn continued to frown as she watched her family as she coached herself to stay a part from it. She snapped out of it when Rachel suddenly stepped into her line of vision.
"Quinn?"
The girl shook her head. "Sure, yeah, um….Let's go…."
As they walked down the hallway, Rachel continued to talk. "Elyse is a very nice woman."
"How would you know?" Quinn asked quickly.
Santana shot her a warning look.
"Because I used to see her on Tuesdays and Thursdays," Rachel said with a shrug. "Her office is just downtown."
Quinn scowled. "What?" Could this be anymore incestuous? She not only shared a house with them but she was now sharing a therapist.
"I don't see her as much anymore," Rachel said as the five of them walked out to the parking lot.
Quinn didn't see Shelby watching her cautiously. "Rachel," Shelby whispered as caught the youngest girl and led her a few steps of the others to the car.
They were at the Range Rover. Quinn was still frowning. "Drop it," Santana hissed as she opened the door and Rachel climbed in. Quinn paused outside of the car for a moment, trying to soak in that tidbit of information. Should she surprised? The town was small, but still she couldn't help but hate the coincidence of it all.
….
They all waited outside Quinn's therapist's office. It was a familiar office for all of them. Shelby was speaking behind the receptionist window and filling out papers. Rachel looked over at Santana for a moment. Although Santana was looking causally through a magazine, Rachel was searching for a sign that Santana wasn't okay. She could see that something had changed, but she knew not to push her, but she couldn't help but want to know.
"San?" she asked carefully.
Santana looked up from her magazine briefly and met the girls' worried look. She looked back down at the magazine.
"I'm fine, bugs," she said quietly. "Stop looking so worried."
"You're lying," Rachel said straightening.
Santana put her magazine down. "I'm not." She locked eyes with the girl. "If you go ask Mom for money, I'll go downstairs to the coffee shop and I'll buy you coffee."
Rachel gave a sigh. "Technically, Mom would be buying," she said with a roll of her eyes. "Why do I have to ask?"
"Because she says no to you once in a blue moon," Santana laughed. Rachel gave a slight frown as she hesitated. "Rach, I'm fine."
Santana wasn't sure if Rachel gave in because she believed her or if she realized she wasn't going to get a full answer, but either way the girl walked over to their mother. She watched as the girl waited patiently to ask about money. As usual, Shelby was talking up a storm.
"You're a terrible liar," Noah said interrupting her thoughts.
She folded her arms. "Shut up," she said.
She saw him set down his magazine out of the corner of her eye. "Man, you are feeling down. What kind of comeback was that?"
She gave a tiny smirk. "Yeah, whatever."
"You wanna talk about it?" he asked carefully as both of them continued to watch Rachel and Shelby at the counter.
"When have I ever been one to talk about it?" she asked with a sneer.
He leaned back in his chair. "Is this like the time when David Bulter insulted Dad?"
He watched her quietly mull over the question. Finally she shook her head. "No," she replied. "It's not."
"Listen," he said leaning over toward her. "I don't know what I said, but I know I said something. And I'm sorry." She wasn't meeting his eyes, but he knew that meant that she was listening to him. She hated eye contact. It required too much vulnerability. "But you need to control your anger—''
"What? Like you?" she hissed.
"I don't know, maybe." He watched her. "I know I don't know everything, okay?" He watched her brow soften. "I know that. And I hate it….." He looked over at Rachel and their mother. "But we're here now, okay? I'm not….." he bit his lip. "I'm not telling you to get over it. That's not fair or even possible." He looked at her. She met his eyes briefly and then looked away. "This has to stop."
He waited for a beat and she finally responded.
"You don't think I know that?" she asked, looking at her cuticles. "You don't think I want to not think about it and accept that things are better now?" She chewed her lip and caught a stray tear before it fell. "I'm exhausted, Noah. I'm angry all the time and I didn't… Quinn helped me realize that…Just by …. I don't know being here….. It was if I put all that happened on mute. Somehow I numbed it, but now…I ….. I'm angry and I can't….."
Noah watched her. He had known her her whole life. "Are you sure it's not just what happened?"
"What happened seeps into everything in my every day." She looked over at Rachel who gave her a small nod and smile letting her know that she was about to ask. "I can't escape it," she muttered while she didn't break eye contact from the girl.
"I know," he mumbled.
She shook her head. "No, you don't," she whispered back. She straightened as Rachel came walking back to them. She looked at Noah briefly. "I'm sorry, too."
Rachel held up a five dollar bill and a grin. "Look! Success!" Her smile faded when Shelby came up behind her and rested her hand on her shoulder. She gave a heavy sigh. "But Mom says no coffee….. even decaf. She says it'll stunt my growth."
Santana smirked. "And that certainly doesn't need to be stunted anymore, Frodo." Rachel frowned. The older girl laughed. "Don't get worked up. You know it's a compliment. Frodo saved the world."
Rachel frowned deeper. "Amongst other things," she grumbled as Santana led her out of the office.
"Did you apologize?" Shelby asked sitting next to her son.
"Sorta," he said watching them leave. "I think there's something wrong, Ma."
Shelby watched the door shut behind the girls. "I'm already on it, bud."
…
Quinn sat with her arms crossed across from the woman. She had just introduced herself as Elyse Hart.
"So," the woman began. Quinn frowned as the woman in her mid forties stood and opened a cabinet. She pulled out a pile of games from the closet. Quinn also spotted a fair amount of arts and crafts. "What would you like to do?"
"What?" the blond girl asked with a shrug. "I thought this is therapy."
"Is it," the woman shrugged. "No one talked to you about what to expect? Especially the little chatter box?" Quinn frowned. Elyse clarified. "Rachel and I used to hang out frequently."
"She told me just before I came here," Quinn said still sporting her frown. "Do you have a specialty or something?"
Elyse was carrying a few games out of the closet. She paused and looked at Quinn's eyes.
"I specialize in many things," the woman finally said. "However, we're here to talk about you and not Rachel." She watched the girl. "But that's a good segway, how's it going at the house? When we talked at the hospital you hadn't moved in with them yet."
Quinn watched her set up a game of checkers.
"It's ….I don't know…..Are we really going to play games?" Quinn said with a frown.
Elyse looked at her. "Would you rather sit and not do anything?" She paused for a moment but not long enough to receive a response. "I don't know about you but I find comfort in multi-tasking. It helps make the situation less awkward."
"Well, that sucks for you being that this is your job," Quinn spat.
Elyse arched her eyebrow but didn't respond as she set up the checker game.
"So, Quinn," the therapist started. "You want to tell me about your week?"
She moved the first red piece.
Quinn hesitated for a moment but then moved a black piece.
"Not really," she said with a huff.
"I know that this isn't easy, Quinn," she started as she took another move.
"Of course, you don't," she spat.
"Hey, you don't have to like me. You can be mad at me," she said. "However, I will respect you and expect the same in return."
"Fine," she said with a huff. She shook her head. "Do you really think me coming in here and talking to you about my feelings will make things better for me?"
"No, I don't," Elyse said. She opened her mouth to speak again but was interrupted.
"So if you think it's hopeless, why am I here?"
"Is everything really that black and white to you?" Elyse asked. She was keeping up with the tempo of Quinn's questions. It was impressive.
"Isn't it to you?" She tightened her jaw and narrowed her eyes. "Every action has a consequence. This is mine."
"You think you're being punished?" she asked again with an even tone.
"Aren't I?"
"No," Elyse said.
Quinn shook her head. "This is ridiculous. I don't think you get that fixing me isn't going to happen like this. It probably won't happen at all. So you all just need to back off."
"Well, Quinn, believe if or not, but one session isn't going to lead to miraculous change. Not even ten or twenty. Or even ever."
"Well, aren't you a ball of sunshine," Quinn muttered.
Elyse leaned over and looked at the girl. "I don't want to 'fix' you. I'm just here to help you process it all."
"I don't want to process it. This isn't real. This isn't supposed to be happening!" She was screaming.
"It's not?" Elyse challenged.
"No! That was my life! My life! I deserved it. It was what I knew. And you all took it away because you thought I would do better in the system. Gee thanks! I feel so much better."
"You don't?"
She narrowed her eyes but didn't answer the older woman.
Elyse went on. "Do you sleep better at the Corcorans? I remember when I first met you at the hospital you said you wake up frequently at night. Do you anymore?"
Quinn stared at her for a long time. She was processing the question. She finally gave a slight shake of her head as she conceded. "It's better," she whispered as she looked away.
"Well that' something, right?" Elyse asked sitting up.
The blonde looked at the woman. She looked at her hands. Her voice was quiet at first. "I just want it all to go away. I don't want to fight with her. I don't want to fight any of this. Make it all go away. Can you do that?"
"Fight with who?" Elyse asked as she took another move.
"My mother," she responded. She moved the checker and jumped over Elyse's piece. "Can you please just make them stop all of this?"
"No," the woman said without hesitation. "You're not here because the system made a mistake, Quinn."
"No, I did," she replied.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because I messed up," she whispered.
"How?"
"Are you kidding?" she asked. She pushed the pieces off the game. "I've fucked up everything with my family and now I'm doing it with the Corcorans."
"Do you feel badly about that?"
Quinn shot her a look of distain. "Of course I do! I don't hate my family."
"You don't?" her tone was even.
"It wasn't perfect….." she said barely above a whisper. " I know that…. But it was what I knew."
"Did you hope for something more?" Elyse asked.
"I guess, but there was never any point," she said. "You know, wishing for something you don't have."
"What do you think about that now? Do you wish for anything?"
"I'm sixteen," Quinn retorted.
"Yes, so?" she challenged.
"When you were sixteen, did you wish for anything?" she snapped.
"Actually yes," Elyse replied. "I wished to be happy."
"Were you a loser?"
"Do you have to be a loser to be unhappy?"
Their banter was beat around the room like a well-measured drum beat.
"No," Quinn shrugged. "I guess not." She took a breath. "I'm just staying with them because it's my last option."
"Tell me about living with Rachel," Elyse suddenly said.
"I thought you said we're not going to talk about her," she said more with surprise than hostility.
"Well, Shelby tells me you've made a bit of a connection with her," Elyse said carefully as she picked up the pieces from the floor.
"I don't know why she would say that," Quinn said as she folded her arms more tightly over her chest.
"Rachel's a very special little girl," Elyse began.
"Go tell her yourself," she snapped. "She's out there."
Elyse went on as she ignored her outburst. "She's persistent. She doesn't really allow you any space."
"You're telling me," Quinn mumbled.
"But she does it because she's so unceasingly kind," Elyse said carefully. "I don't know about you but I always felt a little undeserving of it."
Quinn squinted at the woman. "Is this some reverse psychology shit?"
Elyse stood up and grabbed a jar from her desk. "A dime for every swear."
"I don't really carry change with me," she said squinting trying to mask her disbelief. Elyse didn't respond but continued to look at her. "Well," Quinn began again. "I'll start an IOU."
Elyse smiled. "Good!"
"Do you really feel that way or are you trying to trap me into how I feel?" Quinn asked with a huff.
"I really feel that way," Elyse said honestly. She gave a shrug. "My relationship with Rachel was different because she was my patient, but I still felt that her kindness was," the woman shook her head. "It was surprising."
"Well, whatever, she shouldn't be that nice to me because not everyone is as accepting. People are selfish and mean," Quinn said casually.
"You're not accepting or people aren't?" Elyse asked.
"I just said people," she replied.
"Yes, but you also talked about yourself," Elyse informed.
The girl frowned. "Well…. I didn't mean too…. I meant people." She looked around and spotted the clock. "We're finished right?"
"Yes," she nodded. "We are. But I have one last thing that I want to give you."
She stood and handed Quinn a moleskin notebook. "I want you write for every session."
She shook her head. "Write what?"
"Write, draw, whatever you're feeling," Elyse said sitting back down.
"Will you read it?" Quinn asked contemplating the idea.
"Only if you want me to," she replied. "Think of it as a safe arena to discuss how you feel. It's a stepping stone."
"To what? Campfires and hand holding?" Quinn snapped.
"To learning how to express yourself," Elyse said. "One thing I want you think about over the next couple days, Quinn, is how you feel about living with the Corcorans in relation to everything."
Quinn expected herself to know. She expected a snap or a witty remark, but she had none, because in all honesty, she didn't know how she felt.
"Whatever," she muttered.
"Thank you for coming today, Quinn. I appreciate you taking the effort to be here," Elyse said with a smile.
"It's not like I had a choice," she muttered.
"There's always a choice."
….
Santana watched in amusement as Rachel stood at the counter waiting impatiently for her green tea.
"Rachel," she said finally. "Calm down."
She felt a hand over her eyes. She felt her entire body tense. She breathed heavily in her chest and gripped the hand and then the arm that trapped her in darkness. She removed it harshly.
"What the hell!" she practically screamed. She turned around to see who was behind her and immediately felt her cheeks redden in embarrassment. "Sorry," she blinked. "Bad day."
"No, I'm sorry," Brittany said quickly. She gave a nervous laugh. "Hey Rach," she said nodding to the little girl.
"Hi," Rachel said with a wave and returned to looking incredulously at the counter as if it wronged her from her drink.
She gave a yelp when she felt two hands incase her ribs and lift her up in a hug. "Don't look so cross, munchkin," said a new voice.
Rachel looked over her shoulder and frowned. "Melanie, put me down this instant," she demanded. "I am a lady!"
The older girl listened to her. "What are you doing here?" Melanie asked roughing up Rachel's hair.
"We're waiting for—''
"Our tea," Santana interjected. "How about you?"
"Getting coffee," Melanie replied with a shrug. "I'm going to order, Britts. You want the usual?"
Brittany nodded. Despite Santana's personal anxiety, the blond stepped closer to her. "Are you sure you're alright?" she asked trying to stay out of ear shot of Rachel. "You're acting even more distant than usual."
Santana shook her head and took a step back. "I'm fine. Rachel, we gotta go."
"I'm still waiting," Rachel said with a huff.
Santana stomped over to the barista behind the counter. To a portly girl sporting an "Alice" name tag and a thick pair of glasses. "Hey, Wonderland! Have you disappeared down the rabbit hole? While your days seems bogged down with the moronic choices of non-fat versus soy, I recommend non-fat by the way, the rest of us are waiting in impatient fury as you try to piece together everyone's order at the speed of a retarded sloth. My sister here asked for a tea and the last time I checked that took less than five hot seconds to put together. So pick up the pace. I've been waiting so long that I'm positive that several species have gone extinct." Santana leaned forward toward the girl. "I heard yours is next." She straightened. "I'm going to count to ten and I best be having my cup of tea in my hand. One."
Before she could get to two, the woman scampered off. She looked down at Rachel who was glaring up at her.
"That was rude," Rachel said with a bit of annoyance.
Santana looked over at Brittany who gave her a bit of a smirk. "It was kinda funny." Rachel glared at Brittany. Her smile faded. "And slightly rude also." Rachel turned back to the counter and took the tea. As she apologized for Santana's behavior. Brittany nudged Santana. "But mostly funny."
Santana gave a smirk. "I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked as she started to follow Rachel out the door.
"Definitely," Brittany smiled. "We can't chat online right? Are you still grounded indefinitely?"
The brunette gave a smile. "When am I not?"
Brittany gave a smirk and watched her leave. She had known the girls for almost six years now. She didn't know very much about the brunette, but she knew that she was the only one besides her family who knew her best. And with everything that happened with Quinn, Brittany couldn't help but want to get to know Santana better. She didn't want to feel like she was searching in the dark anymore.
….
Later that evening, they were all quietly getting ready for bed. This was one of quieter times of night, Quinn noted. Homework and dinner had been rather uneventful Shelby tried to get her to eat more and as usual. Rachel gave her a talk about the benefits of veganism. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy the food or even eating. Like everything else in her life, it was complicated. A lifetime with her family taught her not to eat a lot before dinner. Activities in the darkness also caused her to lose her food. Old habits die hard.
She shuffled around upstairs as she readied for the next day. Remember that she forgot her notebook on the table the Elyse woman gave her. She headed back downstairs. It was there that she realized that Shelby was talking with someone. She lingered on the stairwell and peaked around the corner listening. The woman was on the phone.
"Yes, I know I haven't called," Shelby said as she moved about the kitchen. "Yes, yes. We're all doing fine."
Shelby sat at the table.
"I'm sitting now, okay? I'm sorry you have my full attention…Yes, yes…. I just told you we're all doing fine….Noah is doing well. Santana is also and Rachel too…" Shelby laughed. "Her name is Quinn and she's doing well." Quinn peaked around the corner and saw her brow furrow. "I'm not sugar coating this. We're all adjusting." The person on the other end continued to speak. "Yes. Trust me. Okay? Yes, you will meet her soon enough." Quinn froze. Was Shelby speaking about her? Shelby nodded at the table as she doodled on a piece of paper that she had used to help demonstrate the quadratic formula to Puck.
"Yes, I know….. Yes….. I already have. The tickets are all booked….. We will see you in a few weeks…It'll be a nice surprise… Yes….I know….. Clearly. I know this…. Mother!" Oh, Quinn thought. She was talking to Shelby's mother. Where are they all going? Quinn's mind wandered. Where will she be? "We're all doing okay. It's a challenge. I think some things are coming back for the kids, especially Santana. You and I called that though. We're helping her through it. She will be ecstatic to see you. I need to get them all to bed, okay? I'll see you soon. ….. Yes, I love you too."
Shelby hung up and Quinn barely remembered to scramble back up the stairs. She walked briskly into her room to hide.
So they were going on a trip? Where would she be going? Quinn remembered vaguely in the group home another girl talking about being on 'respite.' Basically it meant that her foster parents went out of town on vacation and they were dumped for the weekend. She shook her head. She should have known that they were going somewhere without her.
Her thoughts drifted off when she heard Shelby and Santana talking. Their voices were muffled through the slightly opened doors of the adjoining bathroom.
"Santana—''
Quinn could see Santana pacing in her room. At that moment, Quinn realized that she hadn't been in Santana's room, or at least long enough to take a look . "I said I'm fine, Mom."
Quinn watched through the cracked door as she pretended to be engrossed with washing her face. Santana was collecting clothes and tiding up what looked to be a rather messy room.
"I didn't ask you anything and you didn't have to say anything about being fine," Shelby said gently.
"Well, you're hovering," Santana said. "It's ridiculous. Please… just… back off."
"San," Shelby started again.
"Mom, just don't okay?" She put up her hands. She met her mother's eyes. "I can't do this with you now."
"Santana," Shelby said firmly. "I simply came in here to ask you if you had any whites. I'm doing a load of laundry."
Santana became very quiet. "I'm fine," she finally said. "I'm sorry. I just feel like you're crowding me." She lowered her voice even more. "What I told you isn't going to change anything. So please, don't act like it will."
"Mom?" Rachel called from across the hallway.
"We're going to talk about this later," the woman said quietly. She headed toward the door. "I love you so so much, San."
Santana looked at her hands that still held her bundle of clothes. "I love you too," she whispered.
Quinn watched as Shelby started out the hallway toward the door.
"Rachel, I'll be right over," Shelby said. Quinn jumped back from the door when she realized the mother was heading toward the bathroom. Look busy, Quinn told herself as she closed her eyes and continued to wash her face.
"Your face must be very clean," Shelby said quietly with a soft knock as she entered.
Quinn nodded as she dried off her face. "Yes," she said with a nod.
"Do you have any laundry? Lights or whites?" Shelby asked.
"I can do my own," Quinn said quickly as she followed Shelby into the bedroom.
"Quinn, we have a very big washer and dryer and it doesn't make sense to do several small loads when we can do one big load," Shelby said as she entered the room.
Quinn sighed. "I really can do it on my own."
"I didn't say that you couldn't," Shelby replied. "Quinn, I am not going to argue about this now. Check your hamper please."
There was little room for arguing. Quinn didn't want to lose, but she could see the struggle on Shelby's face and she had a feeling that it wasn't just from her.
"By the way," Shelby said with a small smile. A peace offering, Quinn noted. "Your room is impeccable. Cleanest in the house. Thank you for taking the time and effort to demonstrate that you respect this house and your space."
Quinn frowned. "Thank you?" She handed Shelby a few shirts.
"You can do a small load of your own later, but I would prefer if you washed everything with the rest of the family," Shelby said as she started out of the room. "Oh and you are going on the vacation that you heard me discussing on the phone." She caught the girl's eye. " You're a loud lurker. You're a member of this family. Not only does that include laundry but that includes the joy of visiting the grandparents. So good night, Quinn."
"Night," she said quietly.
…..
Santana pulled on a pair of sweats and her sweatshirt and looked around her room quietly. She was trying her best not to stare at the photo that she purposefully hid behind all other photos. She thought about Brittany for a brief moment. It caught her off guard. She didn't want to see her. Not today. She loved her…. She trailed off. Like a friend but….. It was just hard to see her then. She released a shaky breath and stood up. She walked across the hallway quietly.
She gave a gentle knock of the star decorated door.
"Rachel?"
She opened the door and Rachel was lying in bed and gave a big yawn as Santana walked in. Her sister's big bed was pushed up against the wall and Rachel lay so that her back was flush against it. The little girl always found comfort in small spaces. Something that Santana could not relate to.
"Hey," Santana whispered as she pulled up the glider next to Rachel's bed.
"Hi," Rachel said tiredly as she pulled George tighter in her arms. "Are you going to sleep in here with me tonight?"
Santana gave a small, closed mouth smile with tired eyes. "No, I don't think so."
She regretted her words when Rachel looked at her with confused and questioning eyes.
"I just don't know if I'll stay in here long," Santana said quietly. She shrugged. "I just wanted to see you. I'll stay until you fall asleep," she said with a reassuring smirk.
Rachel's face didn't change. Her tired eyes looked at Santana as she pondered her words.
"What happened today?" she asked quietly. "Why won't you lay with me? You always lay with me."
Santana looked at her sister. She looked so confused. The truth was Santana wanted to lay with her. She wanted to protect her and hold her and drift somewhere where they were safe and happy. But the problem was she didn't know if she could do that without losing it. She didn't know if she could control her tears.
"San's right," Shelby said from the doorway interrupting Santana's tumbling thoughts. "She needs to sleep in her own bed tonight, Rachel, but I want to lay with you tonight. You always let Sanny lay with you. It's my turn," Shelby said with a grin. She met her eldest daughter's eyes. "San, I'll stop in afterward. I'll be right back."
Rachel looked at her mother for a second before her eyes returned to Santana and she continued to watch her. She couldn't hide the hurt in her eyes. "Why don't you ever tell me when something's wrong?" she whispered as Shelby left the room.
Santana shook her head. "Because you're Rachel and I'm Santana," she said with a smile.
"Don't joke," Rachel said quietly.
"I'm sorry, Rach, I just can't."
"No, you just won't," Rachel whispered.
Santana deflated slightly as she watched Rachel snuggle into the sheets away from her.
"San?" Shelby asked from the doorway.
"Would you like to lay with us?"
Santana stood up quickly. "No," she said hurriedly as she left the room.
She walked across to her room and shut the door fast behind her. She leaned against it and squeezed her eyes shut trying to escape. She walked quietly over to her bed and shut the light off. She sat against the headboard staring out at the evening. She wanted so badly for the next day to come so this one could be over.
She woke up the room was dark. She could hear a faint cry across the hallway. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. Turning on her night table, she saw that her room was barren. Nothing was there. Everything was gone. Her pictures, her clothes. Her furniture. She was in her room in Lima but it felt like the room in New York … in the studio.
She shook her head. She couldn't be there. She was in Lima. It was eight years ago. That was all gone. It was all gone.
She walked toward the door quickly. The hallway was empty. There was no table and mirror that sat between Santana and Noah's room. There was no artwork on the wall. She frowned. What was going on?
She ran quickly into Rachel's room. She didn't even knock. She needed to make sure that she was okay. Her bed was empty. The sheets were bunched up at the bottom of the bed. George lay rejected and alone. Santana frowned deeper. There was a binkie in the bed.
"What?" she asked as she picked it up.
Rachel was eleven. She never had George and her binkie at once.
She dropped the item and ran down the hallway. "Mom!" she screamed.
The hallway was getting longer and narrower. She looked around her suddenly the paint started to chip. It didn't look like the Lima house anymore.
"Where are the fucking stairs!" she screamed. The house suddenly gained a bend and she ran down it.
Finally meeting the stairs she made her way to what looked like the living room in Lima. She was back there. Everything was fine.
"Rachel?" she called out.
She heard a muffled noise. She ran toward the noise and through a door into the study. She slammed the door behind her and almost instantly the room she entered darkened. She was in another room, a smaller room. She frowned as her heartbeat raced. A closet. She turned around and tried to get out the door she just passed through but it was being blocked on the other side.
"Let me out!" she screamed as she banged against the door. "Let me out!"
Suddenly she froze. Her heart plummeted. Rachel was screaming on the other side of the door. But I was just in there, she thought. I was just in there! She wasn't there. She would have seen her.
She began pushing harder at the door again. "Rachel," she screamed. "Rachel!"
"No more, please," Rachel begged from behind the door. Santana frowned. That was definitely the Rachel from her present. "No more…. Please, stop!"
"Rach, I'm right here," she said as she pounded on the door. "Let me out, you miserable bastard!"
The door suddenly yanked open and she froze. Hiram stood before her. He was cowering over her, just like he had when she was eight years old. I'm sixteen, she reminded herself. I'm bigger and stronger. She felt him grab her arms and slam her against the door. His face was a blur. She couldn't focus on him. She tried to look around him for Rachel. She couldn't see her.
"Where is she?" she screamed.
"Santana, be a good little girl," he said like he always did. Didn't he just hear her? She yelled at him. He would have never been so calm.
"Where is she?" she screamed again. She looked around the room. They were in the studio. She spotted Rachel's binkie again lying deserted on the bed. "WHERE IS SHE?"
She looked up and he was gone. She was alone in the room. She breathed erratically in her chest. Where was she? Where was she? She walked around the unmade and barely sheet covered bed. She froze. She saw a tiny socked foot sticking out from the far side of the bed. The tiny body was lying on the floor. No, that's not her, she told herself. It wasn't her. Rachel was eleven; she was bigger than that now. Somehow her feet managed to walk toward the un-moving body. Her heart was practically out of her chest. She neared the body and the more she saw the more she felt everything fall apart.
"Rachel?"
She got to the other side of the bed and there on the floor was a two-year-old Rachel lying unconscious in a pool of her own blood.
Santana shot up in bed with a scream. She was surrounded by darkness as she let the tears take over. She barely registered as her mother came rushing into the room. She engulfed her in a hug.
"You're okay, sweet girl. Shhhh, Mommy's right here."
Shelby rocked her daughter quietly. The light from the hallway seeped in enough for their rocking forms to be seen.
Quinn opened her door to the hallway and saw Rachel standing in her nightgown peering into Santana's room. She knew at that moment that the whole house must have heard the scream. Despite what her brain was telling them, her feet walked to the girl. Rachel instinctively reached out and clutched at Quinn's side. The blonde followed her gaze with trepidation.
Santana was sobbing in Shelby's arms. In all of her life, Quinn had never seen anyone cry like that. She especially never thought that Santana Corcoran would or that she would ever be witness to it. She had never seen anyone look so broken.
Quinn tore her eyes away from the broken, sobbing girl and looked around the room. She couldn't see a lot of the detail because of the dim light from the hallway. There were pictures and clothes. Posters and more pictures. However, what made Quinn's gaze stop was that there was no door on Santana's closet. The door had been removed. The hinges were exposed. She frowned. Why would they have removed the door?
She felt Rachel's hand extract from hers. She watched as the small girl, who looked, even younger in the nightgown slowly made her way toward Santana and Shelby. Without hesitation, Rachel softly put her hand on Santana's back. It was a simple gesture to demonstrate that she was there, even Quinn could see that. Still sobbing, Santana sat up slightly from Shelby and pulled Rachel into her arms and continued to sob into the girl's neck.
Quinn continued to stand there awkwardly and didn't notice Puck walk up next to her.
"Shouldn't you be in there?" Quinn asked.
Puck watched his sisters and mother sob without abandon. "No," he said quietly with remorse.
"Why?"
"Because I wasn't there," he whispered. "I'm not a part of it."
Quinn frowned as she watched him disappear down the hallway and back into his room. She had now peaked past curiosity. She had to know.
…