Chapter 2

'So is it a guy or a girl?' Kaneki asked as casually as he could manage, taking a sip of his coffee.

They were both seated comfortably, Kaneki on the faded couch in his apartment, a book on his lap, and Hide on the floor in front of him, watching a cat video or something on his phone. The room was quiet for the most part, his blonde friend's chuckle breaking the silence on occasion, the sound of the audio blaring from his earphones, or the quiet crumpling sound of the pages turning. The whole apartment hung with the heavy scent of coffee and cheap air freshener that Hide had bought; ignoring his protests. The mixture of the two produced a heady scent that was an odd combination of bitter and sweet.

Kaneki liked it.

It reminded him of him and Hide, there was extreme contrast between the two but somehow it was perfect in its own right.

'Not telling~'

Kaneki frowned, trying not to show it and mumbled a sound that would hopefully show his contentment with Hide's cryptic reply. He continued trying to read his book, struggling with himself.

He should be relieved.

But-

Hide never hid anything from him? So why start now?

He's probably sick of you.

He probably wants an excuse to get far away.

Shut up, he told himself frustrated.

That was just teasing; his best friend wouldn't lie to him. He was just joking. That was it, nothing more. Just teasing…

However the teasing was riling him up more than usual.

He had been working so hard to hide these emotions. Push them down. He always felt a flutter around the blonde, warmth when he smiled at him, a jolt of electricity when they made contact.

It was becoming painfully clear to him that his interest in Hide had shifted from a more platonic one to something more.

It was sickening him to think that this, however small or fleeting, would be taken away by someone else, and more than that it sickened him that he was thinking about something so selfish.

Hide was the only person he couldn't be selfish with.

He chewed his lip indecisively, trying to reason with himself.

He possibly couldn't let his jealousy get the better of him. Not after he had been through so much just to end up with Hide. To end up in his normal life.

He had thought he would be able to handle being around Hide.

Hide had accepted him as a half ghoul for God's sake!

'I can practically hear the cogs turning. And I have headphones on!' Hide broke him out of his internal conflict loudly, turning to him and smiling vibrantly.

The room seemed to get brighter.

He felt tongue tied, his mind rushing to find an appropriate reply.

'I-I- The book got confusing.'

This lying business was getting out of hand.

Hide could evidently see through his best friend's feeble lie. After all, clutched in the white haired boy's hand was 'The Black Goat Egg.'

The blonde raised his eyebrows, his grin widening, nothing missing his intelligent eyes.

For a second he thought Hide would call him out for lying, as he had a few days ago.

'You're such a nerd.'

With that he turned back to whatever social network he had been browsing.

He let out a thankful sigh and realized he did feel relieved.

But for all the wrong reasons.

He hissed out in frustration as he dropped burning hot coffee on his hand. This had happened for the fourth time in today's shift and he could sense Touka's annoyance at his unusual behaviour. He was usually so careful and focused with the orders he handled.

As discreetly as he could manage he went to the back to wash his hands with cold water and examine the red welts across his hands.

Turning on the tap he put his hands under the running water, staring at his reflection. His grey, tired eyes stared back, foreign to him, and he quickly looked away.

What did Hide see when he looked at him? Did he see his friend?

Of course he did!

He needed to push aside these thoughts and accept that he was loved. He wasn't a burden with his wrecked half human life. Hide had constantly assured him he wasn't and that alone should have been good enough to him.

Yet-

The thought was just something hard to swallow.

He felt a surge of helplessness overtake him.

If only he hadn't walked into this shop.

If only he hadn't been forced into this life.

A life where he was barely strong enough to protect anyone.

A life which had proven to him that he was barely able to protect himself, thus; would obviously be unable to support or shield anyone else.

A life with more hardships than he had previously, in his human life, considered impossible to handle.

A life where Hide would slowly but surely draw himself from.

The more he tried to push away thoughts of Hide the more they seemed to swallow him up.

'You should be relieved,' he muttered to himself vehemently, scratching his ear unconsciously.

But he wasn't and that made him feel as if he was unravelling.

'Oi, Kaneki?'

Startled he looked up, faced by a head of strawberry blonde hair- Nishki san. The man's face conveyed a mixture of surprise and annoyance. His chin raised as if to say 'What are you doing here?'

'Uh-sorry! I just burned my hand so I was washing it,' he stuttered, caught off guard. Looking down he realized the small sink was close to over-flowing and he hurried to close the tap.

'Whatever idiot, manager is looking for you,' the older man huffed, tapping his foot impatiently.

The teen, in response bowed, thanking him and left the small room as quickly as he could manage.

Hopefully Nishki san wouldn't notice his slip up.

Exiting the back he saw Yoshimura-san at the other side of the small shop, surveying the place with a kind smile on his lips. Making his way towards the older man he noticed his blonde friend seated at one of the tables with three other people, laughing so loud it looked as if tears would leave his eyes, he quickly looked away, the strange twisting in his gut that he had worked so hard to suppress, rising again.

'You asked for me Sir?' he asked respectfully, pressing his hands to the small dark apron tied around his waist.

The kindly old man, turned his gentle face towards him, nodding pleasantly.

'It's about Kamii Kaneki-san.'

He held his breath at what the placid man was going to say. He expected it and desperately hoped he was right in his perception.

'I'd like you to re-join.'

He felt his face flush in a mixture of pleasure and anxiety.

His world had fallen away around him, his worries dimmed. Kaneki sat with his nose in a small book, a cup of coffee in front of him.

The air was heavy with the smell of petrichor mixed with the energy of the students in the university.

'Ken?' hearing the sound of his first name jolted him uncomfortably, and instead of answering he continued reading, as if he hadn't heard anything in the first place.

He felt the familiar scent hit him as Hide leaned over his shoulder to look down at his book.

'What are you reading?' Hide asked, sounding genuinely interested.

'Poetry.'

His reply was curter than he had wanted it to be.

'The feelings of the separation

What there is to say?

But that the heart is

An endless river of stars.

What does that last part mean?'

'What part?'

Amber eyes lit up, his companion's whole body pressed into his back as he traced the fading letters on the page. His ear phones were blaring out music loudly.

'Why is the heart an endless river of stars?'

The white haired boy had been debating the very thing.

'I think it varies it suppose? For anyone who reads it? I just imagine the river reflecting the sky. But it could be something like the stars are hope in an empty river?'

The blonde looked substantially put off by Kaneki's musings, staring at his best friend gently.

'I don't get it, so boring,' Hide huffed pulling away from his white haired friend, pulling the book out of his hands and resting it on the table behind him, smiling knowingly towards him.

Kaneki returned it, his lips curving upwards sincerely, a feeling of ease settling over him after what felt like eons.

'So anyway, I came here to introduce someone.' He sounded nervous.

He never sounded nervous.

Kaneki could feel his heart sinking.

Hide looked over his shoulder and Kaneki swallowed.

It couldn't be happening.

No. Not now.

'Meet my girlfriend, Ken.'

All noise seemed to fade around him.

His laboured breathing distastefully irregular to his ears.

Behind him, the book lay forgotten, buried underneath it was his relief.

A.N: I wrote this at 5am and I'm not entirely pleased. Hope you like it. I will try to update quickly.