Chapter 16
RosalieTheBeautyQueen – Thank you for taking the time to write the review and loving my story. Sorry for making you cry though – better keep the tissues handy though – I love Santana too!
Claire – Thank you for liking my story – here's the latest
val-cb – As always – thank you for the review
T-Bone – thanks for the marvelous review. Again stop jinxing it. you may come across a chapter you don't like maybe even this one! This chapter is much more mellow than all the rest. I love all of the characters and am excited to put more interactions in. cannot wait! But yeah this chapter is a little blah thank you for your continuously humbly support and gracious words. They mean more than you know.
Marissa – That's ok thanks for reviewing!
broadwaybound2016 – I am glad I made you do the happy dance! They all have so much more to go through and process – too much is still in their heads but hopefully it will all come out the right way – Grandparents are coming up soon!
I-taylorlautner – Puck does feel a little helpless right now but hopefully we will fix that soon. Thanks for your review
SuzQQ – Wow – I love your reviews – you take so much time to write them and I appreciate them so so much ! Trust me it keeps me going to write this story! The grandparents are coming soon and I think you will see where Shelby gets her strength. Santana is trying to work on opening herself up more but like Quinn their walls are very thick and they are very cautious in letting one in – I hope I can continue to entertain you!
NayaFan - Thank you so much for your inspirational words! More flashbacks to come I promise! You are so kind!
OTHangels – Thank you for your review once again – all reviews keep me motivated to keep telling this story.
IxHeartxGlee – Thanks
marinka4 – Thanks for the review – the Corcorans past will be revealed more and more I promise
bueller – I am doing my best to get the story out but to do it justice it needs to come out when it comes out – too much all at once is never good! Thanks for the review
FacingFuture – Thanks for the review. Puck is a big part of this story too but the girls story had to be told first – you will be finding out more and more how Noah became the man he is real soon!
dragonrider94 – No problem - thanks for the review- the Corcorans are a hard bunch of people to crack so it may take a while to hear the whole story but we'll get there – I am glad you are enjoying it.
AcexofxSpades – - Yes Melanie is Brittany's older sister – she used to watch Santana and Puck when they were younger – Britt's storyline may increase soon – so hang in there – thanks for the review.
Renata – Sweetness is all you! Thank you for your reviews - trust me Shelby is very different in this story than the show so I hope she doesn't frustrate you when you read this story!
NinjaGleek21 - - No diva fits please! Shelby is trying to break Rachel of those so I can't have my readers have them. Grandparents are coming I promise you ! Thanks for the cookie!
hypegurl – Thank for the review – Quinn is slowly becoming more comfortable but it will be awhile. She has a very thick wall up right now!
Gleek1990 – thank you for being so observant! More to come I promise – thanks for the review
Ryoko05 – She doesn't but she does – she needs to – she needs to see she is not alone. Thanks for reviewing
othlvr16 – Quinn has a lot more issues than most! But she will soften – she has been hurt by most adults her whole life so its really tough to just all of a sudden trust someone. But she's trying – thanks for the review.
SparkleInTheSun – Santana's story is very sad but hopefully once she opens up she can start to be the happy snarky girl that she was made to be – Thanks for your review
TommyH – Thanks for taking the time to review! Keep them coming!
AN good morning everyone. Sorry this took so long. I was actually sidetracked by everything that was going to happen in Chapter 17 that writing this took awhile. And no what happens in 17 isn't what distracted me before from the last chapter. So I'm sorry if this chapter is blah. I promise it'll get better, but the things that happened in this chapter needed to happen. they weren't fun filler like some **cough** RIB *cough** tend to do.
Please review.
Quinn gave a heavy sigh as she slammed her locker shut. The morning had been all sorts of awkward. Santana would barely even look at her. Everyone acted like the screaming sobbing mess didn't occur. It baffled her. Ignoring things that happened under the blanket of night was only a Fabray thing.
However, watching Puck and Santana at school was like watching different people. Their confident, fierce attitudes were beyond her. Again, she thought that she was the only one that pretended. It made her wonder if anyone was who they said they were outside of the walls of McKinley. Her thoughtful rant was interrupted with the sight of McKinley's finest and her least favorite person.
"What do you want?" she asked turning away from Finn.
"Can't I just say hi?" Finn asked with an attempt to be casual. He failed.
"No, you can't." She slammed her locker shut. "You always have some sort of motive."
She arched her eyebrow in impatience. Finn's frowned.
"Fine," he groaned. "I just need to know why you're living with Puck."
"Why do you need to know?" she sneered. "I would say you don't need to know anything about me. You gave that up last year, remember? When we broke up?"
"We're still friends aren't we?" he asked shifting his weight.
"No," she said looking at him with a frown. "We're not."
"You're head cheerleader and I'm quarterback and –''
"That's your reason for us being friends?" she asked with a roll of her eyes as she slammed her locked shut.
She started walking away from him. His long legs didn't allow her to get far from him. He was like a fly that she was constantly trying to swat away. She knew at one point she may have seen something in him, but like many things related to ex-lovers it's difficult to remember when things were great because they are suffocated by everything that went wrong.
"Stop following me please," she told him as she walked down the hallway.
"You never answered my question," Finn said slouching slight to look Quinn in the eye.
"Stalking again, I see," Brittany said walking between Finn and Quinn.
Quinn gave a small sigh of relief. Brittany didn't know all that went on between Quinn and Finn the year before but she knew that Quinn had been left in shambles. The head cheerleader had made sure that her childhood best friend was left in the dark. However, not dark enough because the other blond and her brunette bestie, who was also now Quinn's housemate knew that something terrible brought the reign of the prom king and queen hopefuls to a bitter end. The animosity was still in the air over a year later. Whenever Brittany saw Finn next to Quinn, Quinn noticed that the blond took the roll of indignant avenger. It was a rather funny role on the normally relaxed blond.
"Get lost, tyrannosaurus-stupid," Brittany said linking arms with Quinn.
"Hey, Pierce, go wave your pom-poms somewhere else. This isn't your business," Finn said with a huff.
"Actually, it is when it concerns you and your empire state of mind that over compensates for what I can disgustingly only imagine is a tiny penis," Brittany shot back without looking at the tall boy.
Finn Hudson shook his head in frustration and was about to fire back but was interrupted.
"Hudson, you should get to the gym," Coach Beiste called out. "I know it's your free period and you need a little more practice after the last game." She gnawed on a chicken leg as she continued. "And you and me both know that Puck saved our ass and I need a QB that is focused in the game."
Finn sighed and stalked down the hallway toward the gymnasium doors. He looked over once more and glared as Quinn, as if to say, "I'll figure it out."
"What was that all about?" Brittany asked as he walked away.
Quinn shrugged and shook her head as they rounded the corner. "Nothing. Just drop it," she told her.
Brittany shook her head slightly. "Always do," she muttered.
The other blond squinted her eyes. "What?" she asked.
Brittany shook her head and put on a smile. "Nothing." She thought that she would attempt to change the subject. "Have you seen Santana? She's been avoiding me all morning."
"You're not the only one," Quinn said as they went into their next class together. She met Brittany's look of confusion. "Let's just say that Santana had a long night."
Quinn took her seat.
Brittany opened her mouth to ask a second question, but class started too soon for her to be able to. Again, Brittany felt like she was on the outside. She wanted more than anything to be a part of it.
For the rest of class, Quinn couldn't help but notice her childhood best friend getting rather antsy. Brittany kept staring at the clock every five seconds as if it would miraculously jump eighty. They hadn't exactly drifted apart from one another intentionally, it had just happened. Puberty, popularity and pride frequently does that. They were still friends in school and they talked almost daily. However, it was on the surface. The innocence, grace and freedom of childhood slipped away quietly when neither one of them was looking. It happened even after Brittany and Santana became close friends. It happened when Quinn made a secret vow to keep everyone she knew as far from her personally as possible. The Pierces were warm and welcoming people. Brittany needed someone warm and welcoming. Quinn always believed that that was why she gravitated to Santana Corcoran. Now that she lived with her, she was starting to believe that Brittany was attracted to her for more than just comradery.
Finally the bell rang, interrupting her thoughts. Quinn made a weak attempt to get Brittany's attention before she sprinted from the room. She failed.
…..
Santana stood at her locker. She stared at the back of it as if it would allow her to just escape for a moment. The house had been filled with a weird tension before they all left. Her mother was attempting to 'respect her space.' Puck and Quinn acted like she had the plague. And the eleven year old kept trying to talk to her but she usually ended up running away or making up a lame excuse about towels or breakfast.
Santana frowned when she remembered overhearing something as she was putting on her mascara in the bathroom that morning. Rachel had gone into Quinn's room and spoken to her. It wouldn't have been that that really irked her, it was what Rachel talked to Quinn about. She pretended not to be listening on the other side of the door as Rachel sat on Quinn's bed and played nervously at the sheets.
"She always dreams about me….." Rachel had said. Santana's eyes grew wide and she had to really concentrate so that she didn't drop her mascara brush in the sink.
"What?" Quinn asked in a voice that indicated to Santana that the HBIC wasn't really paying attention.
"Her nightmares…." Santana peaked through the crack of the bathroom door. She saw. Rachel's head shoot up. "Don't tell her I told you though." The young girl shook her head and looked back at her hands. "I don't remember very much. ….. I remember some….. but it's pieces. Santana remembers more and it haunts her." The tiny girl gave a shrug. "Do you have bad dreams like that?"
Just thinking of that conversation made her stomach churn. Rachel knew that the dream was about her and now Quinn knew. Santana continued to stare at the back of her locker. Maybe no one would notice if she just crawled in.
"San!"
Santana gave a small sigh. Too late.
She put on a small smile and turned. "Hey Brit, what's up?"
The blonde approached her with the urgency of an emergency. Santana grinned at the rhyme in her head.
"Um….. how are you?" she asked clearly attempting to tame the energy.
"Fine," Santana said slowly. She tilted her head. Finally, she saw it. She saw that something was at the tip of the blonde's tongue that she didn't know how to say. "What?" she asked with an eye roll.
Brittany chewed her lip. "What's going on with you?" she finally asked.
"Nothing," Santana said quickly lowering her voice. "What are you talking about?"
"Things have been weird lately," Brittany began.
Santana frowned. This conversation couldn't be about her. It wasn't. Things were weird because of Quinn. The brunette nodded. That was it. "You know that Quinn moving in with me hasn't been the highlight of my year. It's barely even been a month and I'm—''
"It's not about Quinn," Brittany said. "But Quinn helped me realize something." Santana squinted her eyes and waited for a response. Brittany went on. "I don't know you."
Santana's face fell without control. What was happening? It's not about Quinn; Brittany was talking to her about her.
"I want to," Brittany said. "I've tried to show you that for the last six years." She shook her head. "You have come over to my house since you moved here. You know my favorite band. You know what makes my sister really pissed. You know what all of the light switches go to in my house. My dad still doesn't know. He has to turn every one on to see where they go. You know that I get scared that I'll never make it out of this town. You know that I hate sitting near big windows….." She trailed off. She squeezed her eyes shut. "The point is that you can name my deepest darkest fears and keep my most sacred of secrets. I know something terrible has gone on in Quinn's life. And I didn't see it before. That kills me. And that made me realize," she locked eyes with Santana. "You have the same look."
Santana shook her head and broke eye contact with Brittany. She couldn't deal with this. She just couldn't. "I'm sorry, Brittany," she said. She looked at the girl. She could see the plea in the girl's eyes. She wanted to give in. She couldn't; it hurt too much. Was this what love was? Was this what it felt like? Her heart fluttered when Brittany went by, but in this moment, she was not only too scared to take the plunge but her head told her that she needed to protect herself. She tightened her jaw, heartened her heart, but the softness in her eyes refused to deflate. "But I don't know what you expect me to say.—''
"I expect you to say something back," Brittany said raising her voice and consequently attracted some stares from passing students. She shook her head and walked a few steps closer to the girl. "I could have done things better with Quinn, but I have put myself out there with you and gotten nothing in return."
"We're friends. We're best friends, Brittany," Santana said hurriedly. "I don't know what more you want from me."
The blonde looked at her and with an even solemn voice she said, "I want you to need me back." She started to walk away from the now stunned brunette, but turned and said "You've been more than just my best friend for a long time." She paused. She leaned closer the girl. "And I think you know that, but you're just too afraid to admit it. The balls in your court, San."
Brittany walked away without turning back. Santana was left with an ache in her heart. Now she wanted nothing more than hide in her locker. She would have given anything to be able to escape.
…
After school Puck stood on the sidelines. His face was scrunched up in deep concentration. His mother had picked up the girls and he was able to stay at practice, thankfully. The Cheerios didn't have a scheduled practice anyway. The fields were deserted. Maybe he would be able to concentrate.
"Hey man," Mike said coming up behind him. "Your birthday's coming up. Will we be having ourselves a little par-tay?"
Puck laughed and shook his head. "I don't know man," he said with a laugh as he adjusted helmet and surveyed the field. "I don't know if we can throw that bash at the bonfire. My ma's got us on a tight leash."
"It's not a party without you there," Mike laughed. "Especially if it's your party."
Puck shook his head. "I'll see what I can do."
"Hey," Sam said walking up to them.
"Are you here to watch our practice again?" Mike asked. "I don't see what Coach Beiste just doesn't bump you up to varsity. You're an amazing quarterback."
Sam sighed. "Tell that to Beiste."
"You're better than Finn for sure," Mike said with a sigh. "He's just cocky because under the shining loser star Ken Tanaka, Finn made varsity when he was a sophomore because the only other quarterback here was Terri Jackson and he had a broken leg and a really bad sleeping disorder."
Sam frowned and looked at Puck for back up. The boy laughed. "It's true. Finn looked like Tom Brady in comparison to this guy. And being that Finn certainly isn't even close to Brady…. More like his crippled half cousin…. You see where we're coming from."
The blond boy smiled as they headed onto the field. "Recruiters are coming for you soon, huh, Puck?"
Puck shook his head. "I don't really care about that. I don't want to play after high school."
Sam shot Mike a look, who just shrugged.
"What?" Sam asked. "Are you kidding?"
"It's been fun, but college ball is a whole other level," he said with a wave of his hand.
"Well, what about scholarships?"
"I don't really want to go to school, Sam," he said with a hint of annoyance. "I need to stay here. Plus….. I can barely get through high school. Why bother suffering through college? Let's just get on the field okay?"
….
Dr. Julie Jacobs sat quietly across from Santana. "So," she said, noticing the girl was deep in thought. "Do you care to share what's going in that head of yours?"
"Circuses and spaceships and cowboys," Santana said with a sigh. She locked eyes with her therapist. "Clearly you're missing out on the party."
"Your wit has always astounded me," Julie said with a grin. "Have you always been so quick and smart with your words."
"Not always," Santana said standing and wandering around the room. "I've had a mouth on me since my mother popped me from her womb. However, the most notable time that I can remember was when I told my mother's director that he had shit for brains. Well you see, Shelby Corcoran doesn't believe in time outs, never did. She believed in learning from our mistakes."
Julie looked at her with a tilt of her head. "Go on."
"My mother," Santana said with a shake of her head, "Made us do a report and oral presentation as to why the word was bad and shouldn't be used. We also had to write 'I will not say' fill in the blank 'again.'"
Julie laughed. "So you being you figured out how to get around it."
Santana nodded with pride. "She can't make me do a report if no one has said it. But I still wrote a lot of lines."
The young girl gave a shake of her head. Julie gave a small smirk.
"When was the last time you wrote lines?"
Santana laughed and looked at her hands. "Three weeks ago."
Julie watched as the girl sat quietly and looked at the ground.
"So," she started again.
Santana looked up. "You're going to ask me about yesterday, aren't you?"
"Yes," Julie Jacobs said carefully. "Are you going to tell me about it?"
"No, there's really nothing to say," Santana said quickly.
"Do you really think that?"
Santana looked at the woman and searched her eyes. "What good would it do me to talk about any of it? It's not going to change what happened."
"You're right," Julie replied. "But it might change how you feel about it."
Santana huffed. "I doubt it."
Julie leaned forward and looked at the girl. "Remember when you started coming here?" Santana looked at her with a squint of surprise. She gave a nod. "You didn't want to talk to me then. Do we really need to go back to square one. You haven't told me everything. I've always known that, but telling me some means that you're not the only one in this world who knows it. It takes some responsibility off those your shoulders of yours."
Santana shook her head. "What do you want me to say? It sucks. It's hard. It hurts. All of that's true. I don't feel any different."
Julie folded her hands and rested her forearms on her legs. "Have you ever opened up to anyone else about what happened in New York?"
"No," she spat in reply. "Why would I?"
Julie seemed to ignore her question. "Have you ever wanted to?" She must have seen the hesitancy in Santana's eyes. She went on. "What stopped you?"
Santana shrugged. "I didn't… I don't want anyone to know."
"Why?"
"No one needs to know," Santana whispered. "I don't….I don't need anyone else to see me like that."
"Anyone else?"
Santana looked at Julie with a vulnerability that rarely graced the girl's dark eyes.
Julie continued. "It's not about people seeing you differently. It's about letting someone else in." She examined the girl's features carefully. "You don't really talk to your family about what happened. About how you feel, I mean. And you only do some with me. There must be someone out there you trust." She paused and caught the girl's eyes again. "And that trusts you."
Santana licked her lips and stared at the ground. "There is," she whispered. "It's just….."
"It's just what?"
"It's so hard," Santana whispered as tears pooled in her eyes. She looked at Julie. "What if she blames me too?"
The woman looked at girl with the aged eyes and the old soul, but a young heart. Julie knew that words wouldn't heal years of the girl's own blame.
"Not everyone is going to disappoint you, Santana," Julie finally said. "And I don't think anyone will blame you. What happened wasn't your fault. What happened to Rachel wasn't your fault." She paused and watched as Santana looked silently at the floor as she allowed her tears to fall without shame. "And what happened to you wasn't your fault."
Santana wiped her eyes quickly. "No amount of you saying it makes it anymore true. Not to me." She stood. "Are we done?"
"I want you to talk to someone this week. Tell them something that you haven't told them before be it something big or something little."
"Why?"
Julie looked at her and stood also. She had known the girl for six years and it was time to take a few more steps forward. "Because you can't possibly want to be stuck where you are forever."
Santana looked at her. She knew that Julie didn't mean Lima.
"You can't be angry forever, San," Julie said breaking the girl's thoughts. "It's too tiring."
….
Quinn stared around the waiting room. She watched Shelby carefully as the woman paced on the phone on the other side of the glass wall in the hallway. She felt a surge in her stomach. She knew that she was talking about her.
"She's not talking about you," a small voice interrupted.
She frowned and looked at the eleven year old next to her. "How would you know?"
Rachel put her magazine down with a sigh. "Because I do." The girl folded her hands with ease and purpose in her lap. "How are you?"
"Who are you now? My shrink?" Quinn asked as she grabbed a magazine.
"I'm being serious," Rachel said with a softer tone. "Are you okay?"
"Peachy," Quinn said.
"You're probably going to have your first visit with your mom soon," Rachel said beginning to ramble. "Are you nervous?"
"How would you know?" Quinn said rather harshly.
"Because that's what they do. They let you see her, but don't worry the visits will be supervised," Rachel said nonchalantly.
"Same question," the blonde said slightly more sharply, but Rachel didn't seem to notice.
"It's just what happens. When bad things happen, CPS snaps in line, but they tend to over compensate." Rachel shrugged. "Even when we were taken away, we could only see my mom for short amounts of time every week."
"What why?" Quinn asked her interest now peeked. "I thought your mother was like the saint of all messed up children."
Rachel frowned and looked at Quinn. She paused before she answered. Her look made Quinn regret her words. Before she could apologize, Rachel went on. "She's great," Rachel said quietly. "She's the best, but….." her voice was small. "After everything that happened, they needed to make sure that my mom could handle us." Rachel looked up. "Just like they need to check to see if your mom is a fit parent."
Quinn scoffed. "Fit parent?"
Rachel frowned. "Why are you in such a bad mood today?"
The blonde softened slightly and looked at the younger girl. She looked away and back at her magazine when she finally replied. "Just a bad start."
"Did something happen at school?"
"Rachel," Quinn said with a slight hiss as she set her magazine down. The girl jumped. "Sorry." She rubbed her temple. "Why do you want to know so much about me?"
"Why won't you let me get to know you?" She countered.
Quinn sighed. "Rachel, I'm not in the mood right now."
"Why not?" she asked.
"Because," Quinn said looking back at her magazine. "I am just not."
Rachel sat silently for a few moments and Quinn felt relief. However, she only felt it for a few minutes, more like a few seconds.
"Well whenever you're ready, I'm here."
"Rachel," Quinn said with a groan. "You don't talk about what happened to you. Why do you think I would talk about it with you?"
She was still looking down at the magazine when she asked the question. When she didn't get an answer she looked up and saw Rachel deep in thought.
"I don't know how to talk about it," Rachel whispered. "I don't know what to say."
The conversation was getting to heavy for Quinn. She needed to change the subject and she needed to do it fast. She wanted to know desperately what happened to the Corcorans. However, in that moment as she watched the vulnerability on Rachel's face, she knew that she didn't want to find out through confrontation. She needed to find out another way. And in the meantime, she couldn't have this conversation with Rachel.
"Okay," Quinn said. She attempted to lighten the air. "Let's talk about something else. For instance, that smell. I thought it was something in the car, but it's in here too. What is that?"
Quinn expected Rachel to laugh or make a comment. She knew that's what Santana would have done, but instead she saw a sadness fill her eyes. She looked at the eleven year old in shock. Great. What had she said?
Suddenly the door opened and Shelby came back in. Rachel seemed to force the sadness away and look up at Shelby.
"Hi, Mom," she said with a big smile. Where does she hide that smile? Quinn asked herself.
"Hi, Bug," Shelby said with a laugh. "Santana should be done in a few minutes. Then we'll head home."
"What about Noah?"
"We will pick up Noah," Shelby said with a smile and a sigh. "So detailed oriented." Shelby settled and looked at her magazine. "Do you guys smell that?"
Quinn looked over at Rachel.
Rachel gave a closed mouth smile that still showed her dimples and shook her head rapidly. "No. No, I don't."
Quinn narrowed her eyes. There is so much she needed to learn.
…
Later that evening after homework, everyone seemed to be stuck in their own world again. Quinn watched the family from the counter as she pretended to do her homework. Puck was sitting at the table with frustrated eyes staring at his work.
"Mom," he said in frustration. "Can I go over to Whitney's please? She can explain this stuff."
Quinn and Santana scoffed. Like Shelby was going to say yes. "Are her parents going to be home?"
The three teens looked up in shock.
"Mom, are you serious?" Santana asked.
"Yes," Shelby said with a shrug. "Your brother has been grounded. He's been patient." Shelby dug around in her purse and handed Noah back his phone. "If you let the girls use it without my permission, it's mine again. Got it?"
Quinn frowned as the boy smiled in satisfaction. How was this fair? She wasn't the only one with a concern.
"Mom, how is that fair?"
Shelby turned and looked at the girls. "Do you two really need a presentation? You girls are in trouble for disobeying and attitude and fighting. Or do we need to discuss those events?"
Both of the girls seemed to cower, but their frowns stayed in place.
Shelby continued and returned to her son. "While your birthday is tomorrow you can still –''
"Go to the movies," Puck said quickly.
Santana and Quinn both laughed. They knew better. The whole school knew about Puck's trip to the "movies." It was the bonfire. The epic bonfire party in the woods. Good old fashioned high school fun.
Shelby looked at the girls with a frown and then back at Puck.
"The movies," Santana said with a nod.
"Yes, the movies," Quinn replied.
Quinn wasn't positive as to why she was sticking up for Puck, but she knew that she needed to keep a little leverage. She watched as Shelby went on.
"Tomorrow. You can go to the movies and hang out with Whitney, but curfew by 11pm. Got it?"
The boy smiled. "Okay," he replied. He looked smugly at the girls. "I'm going to Whitney's then." He grabbed his books. "For help… With homework."
Santana squinted her eyes and shook her head.
"Home by ten," Shelby called out.
Puck left the room. Quinn heard the front door slam and the car pull out. She scribbled on a piece of paper. "We're not saying anything?" she wrote to Santana.
Santana read the note and wrote back. A single word. "Leverage."
"Girls, stop writing about Noah," Shelby said with her back at the sink as she cleaned up from dinner.
Quinn needed something to distract her. She needed to figure out more about the Corcorans.
"Can I write up my paper?" Quinn asked holding up her notebook. "I've hand written it already. I just need to type it up."
Santana frowned at her. "Why does she get computer privileges?"
"You do too for writing up homework," Shelby reminded. "Go on, Quinn. I'm already logged on."
Quinn shot Santana a smug look.
"You're writing, Quinn," Shelby reminded. "Not being smug." She frowned. "Why is it so quiet upstairs? Rachel?" She turned to the girls as she dried her hands. "Did you girl's smell that smell in the car? Do you think Puck left something rotting under the seat again?"
Quinn looked up. "No, I smelled it at San's shrink's office."
Santana looked up with a frown. "What? Julie's office never smells."
"Rachel?" Shelby asked again toward the back stairs.
"Yeah, Mom?" Rachel's distant voice from upstairs.
Shelby and Santana exchanged looks. They knew that voice. It was a voice that told them that Rachel was up to something. Like the time that Rachel snuck in a litter of kittens and hid them in her closet for six hours.
"What are you doing, Rach?"
"Nothing," Rachel called from the top of the stairs.
"Rachel, please come down here," Shelby said.
Quinn pretended to watch Shelby talk to Rachel who looked like she had been caught red handed. She typed up a sentence or two and then didn't change her gaze as she carefully moved the mouse to open up a Google browser. She opened a new search and carefully type in Shelby's name. She gazed over at her notebook and pretended to write another sentence as she opened a link.
Shelby Corcoran, Broadway Star Says Goodbye To Broadway After Family Trauma
The blonde kept her cool as she finished the story that did not go into much detail. The main sentence that made her want to search more thoroughly was, "Details of the abduction have yet to be released. It is known that Santana, 8, and Rachel, 2, are still in critical condition at New York-Presbyterian University Hospital." Quinn flipped back to the Word document and typed casually another sentence as the browser found another article. She used the keyboard to flip back to the menu. Music Royalty, Shelby and Leroy Corcoran Call it Quits. – Three-Time Tony Award Winner, Shelby Corcoran and Six-Time Grammy Award Platinum Recording Artist, Leroy Corcoran have filed for divorce, ending their nine year marriage. The two explained that they are grateful for their time together and the family they have built. They have three children, Noah, 8, Santana, 6, and Rachel, 1. Rumors of Leroy's relationship with local Wall Street hotshot, Hiram Irving, have still yet to be confirmed. Shelby told PeopleMagazine, "I will always love Leroy and we will always be friends. He and I have shared almost ten years together and three beautiful children. I am grateful for that." Quinn rolled her eyes and clicked to another article. Hiram Irving Gets Life Sentence for Corcoran Children Case Hiram Irving, 40, is serving 25 years for three counts of kidnapping consecutively, 60 years for on each of two counts of child rape. The sentences will run concurrently, and 40 years for three counts for child abuse and neglect. Judge Kyle Morgan said during sentencing that Mr. Irving's actions "were heinous and unforgivable. Mr. Irving will spend the rest of his miserable life in prison. He will never be a free man." Noah Corcoran, 9, offered an emotional testimony last week in court. Santana Corcoran, 8, who suffered a severely broken arm as well as other injuries, testified via video testimony last week also. While their testimonies were pivotal to the case, Judge Morgan assured the court at sentencing last Wednesday that Mr. Irving's "violent and brutal ways" demonstrated how guilty he was. Rachel Corcoran, 2, was in critical condition because of Irving's brutality for over a month. The extent of her injuries are too terrible to go into detail here." Quinn took a deep breath. She gazed over her computer screen. Rachel was sitting in the living room with Shelby shrugging her shoulders and looking at her hands. Santana had moved from the dining room table to the doorframe. She was leaning against the frame not even trying to look subtle as she listened to Rachel and Shelby's conversation. The blonde took a deep breath. She wondered at that moment if she was famous what the newspapers wrote about her. She typed another sentence of her paper and clicked on another link. Healing from Trauma: A Birthday and New Beginning – Rachel Corcoran, 3, was released from the hospital today. After a month of recovery, Miss Corcoran who celebrated her third birthday on Tuesday, was finally released. The trauma of last months events are still very present. Hiram Irving is accused of kidnap and rape in the first degree and is currently on trial for his crimes. Child Protective Services continues to investigate the safety and welfare of the Corcoran children. The children are currently in care. CPS Supervisor, Vincent Graham explains, "We are still investigating. Ms. Corcoran may not have committed the crimes, but we want to make sure that we are absolutely certain that no more harm comes to these children."
"Close that," a voice suddenly hissed in her ear. Quinn looked up and Santana was leaning over her shoulder, inches from her ear. Quinn didn't dare look over her shoulder. She spotted Rachel and Shelby coming into the kitchen.
"What are you doing?"
"She needs help on this assignment," Santana said with a grin.
Quinn could hear the lie in her voice and she was almost sure Shelby could too, but Shelby just smiled. Quinn heard Shelby faintly tell Rachel to go upstairs and get her nebulizer. A question flashed in her mind as to why she needed it, but she was brought back to the present of Santana hissing in her ear. She closed the browser window but still didn't turn around. "Don't you dare look at our family like that. Don't look at Rachel like she's some kid on the milk carton."
Still without turning around or breaking her gaze from a watchful and coy looking Shelby across the room, Quinn asked, "Our?"
Rachel came down the stairs and watched the girls with a frown.
Santana continued. Quinn snuck a gaze over her shoulder and looked at the brunette. Her brows were furious and her eyes were intense. She shook her head, "Yeah... whatever," she whispered. "Don't. Don't you dare Google this shit again especially with Rachel or Mom in the room."
The brunette stood up and walked over to Rachel and sat next to her.
"What are you doing the neb?" Santana asked as if she hadn't just hissed threats at the blonde.
Rachel shrugged.
"Liar," Santana whispered with a smile and kissed her gently on the temple. "You wanna do my history homework?"
The tiny girl gave a little smirk and shook her head under the mask. "No," she muttered.
"You sure?" Santana said with a grin. "It's riveting."
Quinn watched from afar, wondering if Santana had been right.
…. Puck reached over and stroked Whitney's cheek. He had lied, her parents weren't home. They were at the country club. He leaned over her and kissed her again. They had been dating because of convenience since last year. She didn't require much personal attention. He needed that. He needed not to get attached. "What's on your mind, champ?" she asked with a smile. He gave a grin. He liked a lot of things about Whitney, but mostly he liked that he could relax with her. He didn't have to try, but he also didn't give anything. "Nothin'," he said with a shrug as he let her run her soft hands along his back as he leaned over her. "You just help me escape." He gave a chuckle. "You're pretty great." She gave a wink. "I know it." She kissed him again. "So, boyfriend, it's your birthday tomorrow. What can I give you?" He grinned. "I just like hangin'. We'll bring some beers. It'll fun. Just like a regular night." She nudged him. "It's your birthday, silly. It has to be great." She tilted her head and gave him a seductive grin. "You know I can always deliver." He leaned down and kissed her. "I know you can," he whispered between kisses. "You've always been incredible."
"So, what's the deal with Fabray living with you," she asked when they broke apart.
Puck gave a scoff. "I thought I came her to fool around and not talk about Quinn."
He sat up. Whitney propped herself on her elbows. "I'm sorry, Puck. I'm just…..What am I supposed to think?"
"Nothing," he said with a huff. "I told you not to worry about it. It's personal. It's a family thing."
Whitney pushed herself up into a sitting position and shot her hands up as she leaned against the headboard of her bed. "Right, a family thing!" she said with a huff. "Because your family can do no wrong, Puck!" She shook her head in frustration. "I have invited you over for dinner countless times with my family. You have NEVER invited me over for dinner with yours."
He frowned. "What are you talking about? It's dinner."
"You're my boyfriend!" she practically yelled.
He shook his head. "I'm NOT doing this with you. I had a shit day. A shit week actually. I came over here to escape with you not get yelled at." He stood up from the bed.
"You're supposed to talk to me!" she said. "Not freak out. I'm your girlfriend!"
"Whitney, we have fun together, but you don't know anything about me," Puck said.
"Newsflash, Corcoran," Whitney said sitting up. "I've been trying to. But again, you put this crazy ass wall around you. And what…. What the hell for? Your sisters and your mom? And now Quinn? "
He tightened his jaw and glared at her. "Don't you dare! We're not having this fight. You were the one who gave us labels! Not me! I came over here to have fun! I'm out!"
He grabbed his letterman jacket and started toward the door.
"Wait," she called out after a few seconds. He stopped but didn't turn around. "Forget it. I'm sorry." Her voice was now sincere.
Puck couldn't count the number of times they had had this fight. A voice in the back of his mind told him that he was doing with her wrong. He wasn't treating her like a boyfriend should treat her. But, another voice reminded him, he never said that they were dating. That was her. They had these fights but they always made up. She always asked to forget about the argument. He didn't mind, because he didn't have anything to lose. And if she lost along the way that wasn't his fault.
He turned to her and shook his head. "Let's forget about this and have fun. I have to be home in an hour."
Whitney smiled. "I promise I'll make it worth your while."
He grinned. Things were back to normal.
….
Quinn shuffled around her room for a moment as she gathered her things for the next day. She could see Shelby in Santana's room lecturing her about something and she could hear silent shuffles across the hallway. She frowned. She never did figure why Rachel was on the neb she sounded fine at Dr. Jacobs's office….. What are you doing Quinn? Snap out of it, she scolded herself.
She changed for the evening and tried her best not to focus on what she had read thanks to the power of Google. She failed. Had she been surprised? She paused at what she was doing. What she hated was that she wasn't. She knew the truth in the back of her mind. It lingered there simply waiting for confirmation. However, she thought as she looked through the bathroom to see Santana talking to Shelby about something all while her hands moved wildly, it didn't ease her need to ask more questions. She felt sick inside for wanting more details. They had been kidnapped and…..raped. She almost couldn't say it in her mind. She tried to grasp the trauma of that violence at such a young age. A tiny voice in the back of her head tried to remind her that she shared that with the Corcorans. She shook her head of the thought. It had been different with her. It had started when she was older, the sex did at least… her mind trailed off again in a hurry away from the topic.
A knocked interrupted her thoughts. She looked up and Rachel was standing at the door. "Rachel Corcoran, 2, was in critical condition because of Irving's brutality for over a month. The extent of her injuries are too terrible to go into detail here," flashed in her head.
"Can I talk to you?" Rachel asked quietly.
Quinn sighed. She wasn't going to get close to this girl, who had too many caretakers already. "I'm kinda tired, Rachel, but quickly."
Rachel was already in her nightgown. She looked sad and she was quieter than usually. Quinn, she warned herself, you don't care.
"Do you know how to do laundry?" the girl asked thus interrupting her thoughts.
"Of course," Quinn frowned looking at her with confusion. "Why?"
"If I tell you something, you have to promise to keep it a secret," Rachel said seriously.
"This isn't an after school special, Rachel," Quinn said folding her arms and looking at the girl. "You can't have that phrase be your lead in."
"Oh," she replied. She rung out her fingers more. "I….I ….. need to get something out of my backpack."
"Go ahead," Quinn said motioning toward the door. "But be quick about it."
"No," Rachel replied. "I mean…. Something got in my backpack."
Quinn frowned and nodded slowly. "Like a stain."
"…Remember how I was grounded last week? Because of the lollypops?"
Quinn nodded.
"Well….. Jeanie Marks didn't take it well."
The blond tightened her jaw. "Did she do something to you?"
Rachel chewed her lip. Quinn gave a heavy sigh. Laundry. ….. Then it hit her. The smell. It wasn't the office or the car that had smelled. It was something the Rachel carried around. The older girl frowned. Rachel had looked clean then what was… Quinn shook her head. Duh. An eye for an eye. Or in this case a backpack for a backpack.
"What did she put in your backpack, Rachel?" Her tone was serious and low, but not harsh. Rachel looked at her in surprise as if she was a mind reader. Quinn didn't have the heart to tell Rachel that she was 99% sure that Jeanie Marks was simply a younger version of an angry, vindictive Quinn Fabray. Rachel looked at her hands. "Rachel?"
"I told you I was a vegan, right?"
Quinn smirked. "Once or twice."
"You can't tell okay? It'll just make things worse." There was a plea in her eyes that Quinn tempted not to give into.
"Do you want my help getting out that stench or not?" Quinn asked with an unconscious snap in her tone.
Rachel looked at her in surprise, but finally went on. "They put eggs in my backpack," she whispered.
Quinn frowned. "What?"
"Eggs….. They cracked them into my backpack….. All two dozen of them….." Rachel whispered.
The older girl felt a burning anger in her chest. These eleven year olds cracked twenty-four eggs in Rachel's backpack….in exchange for lollipops. There had to be more to this story. As disgusting as it was it didn't make sense.
"But last time your teacher called," Quinn said. "Why doesn't your mom know about this?" Rachel didn't look up from her lap. "Does your teacher not know?"
"She knows," Rachel replied suddenly. "It's complicated."
Quinn folded her arms. "Explain it to me."
Rachel looked at her hands. "They don't like me very much."
"Who doesn't? The kids at school."
"Them and my teachers…." Her voice trailed off.
Quinn frowned. She may have been hated at home, but she had made sure that she was worshiped at school by her peers and her superiors. "What do you mean?" She searched the girl's eyes trying her best not to picture the home photo that had been on the newspaper archive website.
"They just….. I'm not an easy person to like, Quinn," Rachel said looking up to meet the older girl's eyes. She gave a shrug. "My mom makes sure that I get to do stuff that other kids don't get to do. I get out of things." She chewed her lip. "Because if I don't….. I get scared….It's hard to explain. Teachers hate me because of what Noah and San put them through and what I'm doing to them now….."
Quinn watched the young girl thought more deeply with a knit brow and a defeated gaze. "Mrs. Aarons told Mr. Paul that she thinks my anxiety is a myth and I'm a waste of their time….." Quinn then watched sadly as the girl's mind ran quickly and exploded out of her mouth in panic. "I can't help it, Quinn. I swear. But, I try. I try to have all of the answers right. I try to challenge them and myself to do better. I try to be what I think is best and it just keeps blowing up in my face."
The blond at that moment felt her heartbreak into even smaller pieces when she saw in Rachel everything that she saw in the people she teased. It wasn't weakness that she went after, one that taunted her because she wanted so badly to break it. It never occurred to the blond that they might be little girls and boys trying to be better too. She looked away from Rachel. It should have occurred to her before, because Quinn herself has been that little girl that tried.
"I deserved it you know," Rachel whispered. She saw Quinn's head snap back to her. "I was the one that put lollipops in her backpack."
"Rachel, she should have never put eggs in your backpack," Quinn said firmly. She stood up. "Do you have something else you can bring to school tomorrow? I will take care of it." Quinn followed Rachel across the hallway. The girl gave her the backpack in embarrassment.
"I got most of it out of my books and things, but ….." she trailed off. "Apparently not enough. Since you guys smelt it this afternoon…..I tried to get more of it out earlier."
"Does your mom know? Is that why you were on the nebulizer?"
Rachel shook her head frantically. "I didn't tell her. You can't tell her anything. She'll storm into school and embarrass me and get my teachers to hate me even more. And you can't tell San or Noah. Their tempers get them into such great trouble. I was on the neb because…. I was just very anxious about the whole thing and it got caught in my chest."
"It?" she asked.
"The situation, I guess," Rachel answered.
Quinn frowned. "So you told me…. Because?"
"Because you'll help me without questions right? Like a secret?"
Quinn frowned. She had told her because she didn't think Quinn would do anything about it?
Rachel interrupted her thoughts. "Can you wash lunch boxes?"
"What?" she asked with a confused frown.
"Billy Meyers put his sister's dead gold fish in mine yesterday….."
Quinn never wanted to kill another eleven year old until that moment.
"Girls?" Shelby asked from the door. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing," Rachel said quietly looking at Quinn eagerly.
"Just helping her," Quinn began.
"Pick out clothes for gym tomorrow," Rachel said.
Quinn nodded. "Yup."
"Well, Rachel, it's time for bed," Shelby said. "You can pick out your clothes in the morning. Quinn, can I speak with you for a second downstairs?"
The blonde nodded. "Of course." She looked over her shoulder one last time at Rachel as she followed Shelby out of the room. "I'll take care of this," she said just loud enough for Rachel to here. She smirked as she followed Shelby. She most certainly would.
Quinn's smirk faded when she and Shelby sat down at the computer. "Now, Santana is also grounded, but I asked her to stay upstairs so I could talk to you. Normally, you're always with me unless you're in the restroom or getting ready for bed, but I wanted to talk with you privately. Grab a chair." She pointed to a bar stool. Quinn did as Shelby turned to the computer and opened up a web browser. "Now, Quinn. You didn't have a chance to delete the browser history. Do you want to talk to me about what you were looking for?"
The question felt like a stab. Quinn felt like she wasn't just a deer stuck in the headlights. She felt as if she had already been hit by the truck.
"I understand that you're curious, Quinn. But you're grounded and you cannot say you're going to do one thing and then do another. The next time that you need to write a paper, I'll be supervising the whole time," she explained.
Quinn groaned. Shelby leaning over her shoulder was not something that Quinn looked forward to.
She watched as Shelby pulled up a story and turned the screen so Quinn could see. "I know that you read a lot and again. I can understand that, but this is what I remember."
Shelby had a story open of her holding a tiny Rachel in one arm and holding Santana's hand with her other as the Noah walked beside them. They were under the headline. Family Reunited After Long Trauma.
"This is what matters to me, Quinn. A lot has happened. It was terrible, but this... me leaving with them. That's what I need to remember." Shelby sighed. "I'm not saying you need to sweep bad things under the rug. No one should ever do that. But you should talk about them, face them. You know? Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if you were Googled?" Shelby let the question sink in. "It doesn't feel great. Just think about it next time." She grabbed Quinn's notebook from the counter. "Now, let's finish typing up that paper you told me you were working on before when you weren't."
Quinn nodded and began to work. Santana joined them a few minutes later.
The blonde wasn't sure if she was sorry. She barely even apologized, she mainly just took the lecture. She wasn't sure about how she dealt with it. Was it right or wrong? She was sure of one thing. She was Quinn Fabray. Maybe Googling was wrong, but while she decided on that she knew one thing was sure. Eggs and dead fish weren't right. She was going to make sure those kids knew that.
…..
When Puck came home Santana, Quinn, and Shelby were still doing homework in the kitchen.
"How's Whitney?" Shelby called from the kitchen.
He passed through and nodded at everyone. "She's fine." He say Santana and Quinn both staring at him. He couldn't tell if they were hating him or they were trying to guess what was running through his head. "I'm wiped. See you tomorrow."
"Night," Shelby called after him as he quietly made his way up the stairs.
He stopped at Rachel's door. He always stopped there. Peaking in, he saw that the room was filled with a soft glow because of the night light in the corner. He could see Rachel's tiny silhouette in the darkness. George lay on the floor slightly abandoned and her arm reached out in her sleep toward the edge. Silently, he made his way into the room. He picked up the stuffed monkey and put it in Rachel's arms. She stirred.
"Noah?" she asked the darkness.
"Go back to sleep," he whispered as he pulled her comforter up to her shoulders.
"Oh okay," she yawned.
He bent down and kissed her gently on the forehead.
"Noah?" came another tired whisper.
"Sleep, bug," he said again.
"Good night," she yawned again.
"Good night."
He watched her drift back to sleep from the doorway. He checked on her often enough. She woke up occasionally. He had let her down in so many ways. She was still behind in a lot of ways. No one in their family talked about how small she was still. They made fun of it but not really talked about. No one discussed her constant anxiety. He watched her body breathe. No one talked about how she was still scared of so many things. The scars ran deep. He shook his head remembering Sam's words. He needed to stay here. If he left, who knew what would happen, not just to Rachel, to any of them.