Tris
The last couple weeks have almost sucked. Almost. They would have been terrible without Tobias, but he makes it okay. He sits with me all day, every day, only leaving my side to eat or use the bathroom. He's so special.
I still haven't told him how I feel. I want us to be alone, and I want to be out of this goddamn place, when I do. Today is my 16th day here since I woke up, which is my 23rd day since I came here. That's almost a month. I groan internally. Maybe today'll be my lucky day. It's about 1 PM, and Tobias and I are playing I Spy, when Dr. Arnwell comes in smiling. "Afternoon, Tris. Tobias." He walks over to stand beside us, still wearing a smile. "Is everything alright, doctor?" I ask him, a little worried. "Oh yes, everything's fine." He says, pacing with his hands behind his back. "I'm healthy, my family is healthy. My job is fantastic. Oh, and you get to go home,
Tris." At this he turns to face me and Tobias. I squeal with joy and leap out of bed, but almost fall. My legs are still a little weak, especially the right one. One of David's bullets went deep into my right thigh. Tobias puts a hand on my shoulder to steady me. I turn to look at him, and he has the widest smile on his face. He kisses my forehead, and starts to pack the little possessions we have into a duffle bag. Dr. Arnwell takes him aside and speaks to him too quietly for me to hear.
Tobias nods a few times, and they come back towards me. I stare at them both with a frown on my face. "Talking about me, are you?" I ask, still frowning. Tobias wraps his arms around me. "Well, yes, Tris." says Dr. Arnwell. "As you are, or were until a few minutes ago, my top priority patient, I feel it's natural to engage in a friendly convers-
ation about you once in a while. Especially with those who care about you most." I turn to him, about to apologize, and see that he's laughing. I relax a bit. "You scared me there, doc," I tell him. I thought he was gonna yell at me. Oops. After the doctor finishes laughing, his face turns serious again. "In all honesty, Tris, I was giving Tobias here instructions on to take care of you until you return to your normal strength. You can't overexert yourself, and you need to eat properly." I open my mouth to argue, and he holds up a hand. "No. No ifs, ands or buts. You do what Tobias says, otherwise I keep you here until I see fit to release you." I close my mouth slowly. "That's what I thought. Now, get out of here." He swats at me and Tobias with a folder, and we scurry out, laughing.
Tobias
"Where are even going?" Tris asks me as we wander around the compound. She seems confused, and I realize she's forgotten how to get around the compound. I glance down at her, and just smile at the look on her face.
"Nowhere in particular," I reply. "I'm just trying to give you a feel for the place." Hopefully we won't be here long, I think to myself. This is one thing Tris and I need to talk about. We both want to leave this hellhole, but we have no idea where we want to go. I'm thinking about going back to Chicago and living in Dauntless, since I already have an apartment there. The question is, though, does Tris want to?
"Are you hungry?" I ask her, and we start to make our way toward the hotel room that is our temporary home. She probably thinks we're going to the cafeteria. We'll go there eventually, but not now.
Tris nods enthusiastically. I laugh. "Thought so. I'll make you something when we get where we're going." I look down at her again, and she looks even more confused. She also looks a tad annoyed. "Are you gonna tell me where we're going yet?" She asks, and I feel like she should know the answer to that. I chuckle a little.
"Nope." At this, she opens her mouth as if to argue, but I speak up before she can. "But, I know you'll love it." She crosses her arms, and sticks out her lower lip.
I laugh at her, because frankly, she's adorable when she's mad like this, and she swats my arm and makes a raspberry at me.
After a few more minutes of walking, we turn a corner and arrive at the hotel room door. Tris stops dead, staring at it. "Are you alright, hun?" I ask her, rubbing her back with my hand. She doesn't reply, just walks to the door and opens it. This is the room Tris and I first made love in, the night before the release of the memory serum and Tris's near death experience. I asked David (who Tris doesn't know still lives, and was affected the most by the memory serum) if Tris and I could have this room as our temporary residence, and he agreed right away. I thought it would be a fitting place for her and I to stay. Tris stops in the living room, and turns to me with tears in her eyes. I rush to her and grab her hands. "Hey, hey, why are you crying, Tris? What's wrong?" Tris just stares at the ground, not meeting my eyes. I lift her face with my hand, but not forcibly, just enough to make her look at me. "I need you to talk to me, Tris. We can't be like this anymore. We need to be open, and honest." I look into her eyes, and I flinch at what I see.
All I can see is hate, but not at me. Hate at her. Tris just shakes her head and sits on the couch we first made love on. I sit besider her, and put my knees on my elbows. She still won't look at me. Looking out the window, Tris takes a deep breath. "I.. almost destroyed you." Now she looks at me, and I can see the pain she's feeling. I still don't understand why,
though. "What?.. I... don't understand, Tris." She looks at me again, really looks at me, her eyes boring deep into mine. "I almost died, and it killed you. I almost ruined you. And for what?" On the last syllable, she breaks into tears and puts her head in her hands. I get up and go lock the room door. This would be a bad time for visitors. I go sit beside her again and put an arm around her shoulders.
"Tris, you succeeded. You released the memory serum, and our plan went great." Except for you almost dying, I think to myself. "No, Four, you don't understand." She covers her mouth with her hand, and almost cries again. "Oh my God, Tobias. I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry." She looks at me, and I know she really didn't mean to.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, forcing myself not to get mad at her. "It's okay, Tris... Just... try not to anymore, okay?" She nods, and we sit in an awkward silence for a minute or two. "Do you want to know why I went in there, Tobias?" she says quietly. I can tell she doesn't want to say it. "Yes. I need to know." "You're gonna hate me. I know it." She stifles another sob, and I pull her into my arms. "No, Tris. Don't ever think or say that. I'm in love with you. I couldn't hate you." I kiss her forehead gently. "Well, if you say so..."
"I do."
Tris takes a deep breath. "Boy, this is gonna sound bad..." she says to herself. Then, she straightens up and looks at me. "I'm not gonna lie to you, Tobias." Uh oh. That can't be good. "When Caleb and I were breaking into the Weapons Lab, I had him at gunpoint," she says, and I wonder why. She answers my question in the next sentence. "Because, two guards came around the corner, and I had to do something to stop them from shooting us. I told Caleb to give me the backpack, and at first he refused." She closes her eyes, and a single tear leaks out of her left eye. "I made him give it to me." Now she looks me in the eye. "Because I am selfish. I wanted to be a hero." I stiffen at this. She wanted to be a fucking hero?! As I open my mouth, she stops me. "Tobias. Please let me finish before you yell at me."
I nod, my jaw clenched, and Tris continues. "That wasn't the main reason, though. Or even the second most important reason. I wanted to save Caleb's life, Tobias." This increases my anger about tenfold, and it takes everything I have not to yell at her. How could she be so stupid?
"I wanted to save his life. Because he's my brother, and I love him. I also hate him, for what he did to me, but my love for him overpowers that hate. And I think that's something I need to work on. How to hate."
I nod again, still unable to say anything. "And now, the last reason. I wanted to make my parents proud, Tobias. Even though they're dead, and it's fucking stupid of me to want pride from dead people, I wamted it. So I got it, or I thought I did. I walked through the death serum, and thought I was being heroic and selfless and brave, only to almost die and break the man I love more than anything." I sit in silence, staring ahead. I don't say anything for a long time. "...Tobias?.." she asks, and I turn my head a fraction to look at her. "Are... are you gonna say anything?.." I snap my head around, and she flinches. Calm down, Tobias. "Why should I?" I say quietly. "There's not much to say, except that what you did was stupid!" I'm yelling now, and I don't care. "It was idiotic, it was braindead,
it was fucking RIDICULOUS!" Tris is just staring at me, tears silently streaming down her face. "Tris, do you have any IDEA how I felt when I thought you were dead?
Any at all?" Slowly, she shakes her head. "Didn't think so. Tris, I wanted to kill myself." Now she's full on crying, but still hasn't taken her eyes off me. I don't stop to think how deeply that might've hurt her. "What you did was heroic, and brave, like you wanted it to be. But, it was so selfish, Trish. I never thought that of you. You didn't stop to think about me, or Christina, or even Caleb. Or Zoe, or Zeke, or Uriah. Or anybody. Only yourself." Now I am at a loss for words. I'm done,
but I'm still angry. "Tobias, I.. this won't mean anything to you. But I'm sorry." The look on her face is pleading me to forgive her, but I don't know if I can. I don't know anything, right now. "I know." "Are you ever going to forgive me?"
I shrug. And Tris flinches yet again. "Are we still together?"
I nod. She takes a deep breath. "Well, I guess I'll give you your space. Let me know when you want to talk. I love you, Tobias. Please, don't forget that."
"I won't." She nods. I get up off the couch, and walk to one of the rooms within this hotel room. I lock the door behind me.