Chapter 6

Tris

Oh, god. I sink to floor and pull my knees to my chest. A sob escapes me, and another, and another, and after a while I am bawling my eyes out. He's so mad, I think to myself.
He hates me, and this is the end of us. What have I done?
After a few hours of crying and sniffling, I stand up and make my way over to Tobias' room. I knock three times gently. "Tobias?" I say, not expecting an answer. I'm surprised when I hear a muffled "What?".
"Um.." I'm really at a loss for words. "Look... I know you're mad and you hate me. But we need to talk about this. We need each other, Tobias. Please let me in."
I wait for a minute. No answer. Two minutes. Still no answer. Just as I count a full 180 seconds, and I'm about to leave, I hear the door unlock. I turn the knob and push open the door. The only light in the room is a lamp on a plain wooden nightstand in the corner. There is a large, but also plain, queen-sized bed in the middle, and across from the foot of the bed is a full bathroom. Tobias is laying in the bed on his side, facing away from me. His body shakes every once in a while, and I know he's trying not to let me hear him cry. I carefully crawl into the bed with him, not knowing how to act around him when he's like this. Nobody has ever been this way around me,
especially not Tobias. "Can I touch you?" I ask him. He nods his head, although I still can't see his face. I scoot closer to him and wrap one arm around his waist. He lifts his body up to let me put both my arms around him, and then lays back down.
"Please, say something, Tobias. Anything. Just... talk to me." I beg him.
"Hi." That's all he says. Not in a joking manner. In an I'm-still-pissed-at-you manner. "Hello..." I reply, and he doesn't answer. I unwrap my arms, and sit up.
"Tobias. Look at me. Now." He doesn't. I sigh. "Please, baby?" I ask him, and he turns. I flinch at the sight of his face, and he chuckles darkly. "I'm that ugly, huh?" he asks. His face is red, blotchy and tearstained. His eyes are bloodshot from rubbing them and crying, and his hair is all over the place. He's a mess, all because of me. "No, baby. No. You're perfect to me." I put my arms around him again.
Tobias snorts, and that hurts deep, but I need to take what he throws at me. I deserve it, after all. "Obviously not perfect enough. You almost died, not thinking about me. I must be pretty damn perfect." He ends the sentence with a sour look on his face. "Tobias, I'm sorry, okay? I really am. I don't want you to hate me. Tell me what I can do to make us better." I'm on my knees, looking him in the eye now. "Tris, it's gonna take time. I don't think you understand how deeply hurt I am." "I do, baby... I promise. I'll give you all the time you need. Just... stay with me, okay?" That's the one thing I'm afraid of. Him leaving me. I think if I were to go through my fear landscape now, the fear of losing Tobias would replace the fear of intimacy with Tobias. Which is okay. Until he does leave.
"Tris, I'm not going to leave you, ever. I promised that, and that is one promise I never go back on." He looks at me, and I can still see the hurt in his eyes, but I also see the love he has for me. I believe that he will never leave me.
I nod. "Okay. I love you, you know." He lays back down beside me. "I know, hun. I love you too." After that, he says nothing and drifts off to sleep in a quarter of an hour. I don't fall asleep until the sun begins to rise.

Tobias

I wake up to Tris snoring lightly beside me. I look her, and it hurts. Bad. But I still see her perfect form, her beautiful skin. The way her lips slightly part when she sleeps, and I realize that despite her flaws, she really is perfect. To me, Tris is the definition of perfect. Who she is, is perfect. And yeah, she has flaws, but who doesn't? Definitely not me. Those flaws make Tris who she is, and I am in love with who she is. I sit on the edge of the bed, and my stomach growls. I realize I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday, and neither has Tris. Despite myself, however, I walk to the shower instead of the kitchen. I take off my clothes, and toss them in a laundry hamper. As I turn on the shower and wait for the water to warm up, I look at myself in the mirror. I see the tattoos on my back. The coldness of my eyes. The curves and planes of my muscles. But to me, I am imperfect. I am Four right now. I'm only Tobias around Tris. And I need to get rid of Four.
I step into the shower, and it's steaming hot, but I really don't give a shit. Pain doesn't bother me. I lean against the wall of the shower.
What does bother me is a knock at the bathroom door. Great. "Tobias?" Tris asks, and knocks again. She seems agitated. "Yes?" I call, annoyed about her stopping my shower. "Um..." I can tell she's biting her lip right now, thinking of how to say what's on her mind. "I was uhm... just wondering if... I could join you?" At the end of her question, she sounds defeated and hopeless. I get out of the shower, and unlock the bathroom door. Tris walks in carefully. She's treading lightly around me. Literally. Like she thinks I'll explode again. "Tris, I'm not a landmine. Don't be scared to set me off. It won't happen." She sighs in relief, and she takes her clothes off. I notice that although she wants to be naked with me, she still attempts to hide herself with her arms. She's insecure.
I pull her into the shower and turn it on again. She yelps at how hot the water is, and I chuckle to myself as I turn up the cold water a bit. "Don't be a wuss, Stiff." I demand in my Four voice, but she knows I'm joking. Tris narrows her eyes at me, and lightly punches me in the cheek. I widen my eyes and touch the spot where she hit me, as if it's tender. "How dare you?" I ask her, and she puts her arms around me and snuggles into my chest. I pull her in tight, and breathe in her scent. Her hair smells like coconuts. I haven't noticed that until now. We wash each other's hair and bodies, and stand together for at least an hour before the hot water starts to run out. We get dressed, and walk together towards the kitchen. I start to make scrambled eggs, and Tris starts to butter and toast some bread. We do this without talking. There's still a bit of awkwardness between us. After we finish eating and clean up, Tris stands there, chewing her bottom lip. I sigh, and pull her to the couch. When she sits down, she blushes, and I know she's remembering our night together on this couch. I pull her close and kiss her forehead, and we lay quietly together for a while. Eventually, I feel the need to say something, but I don't know what. "I don't want it to be awkward anymore," I blurt out before I can stop myself. Tris turns to look at me.
"Well, that was quite blunt." She sits up and puts a serious look on her face. "Tobias... I love you. And I'm sorry for what I did to you. I'm sorry I was selfish. I just want us to be okay. I hate this awkwardness and tension between us. In fact, I can't stand it. I want it to stop. Please." I look at her and realize she's fighting off tears, and I start to feel bad for distancing myself from her. I sigh, and pull her close. "I'm sorry too," I mumble. All of a sudden, I want to cry, too. But I don't. "I need to tell you how I felt, and still feel." I say to her, and she nods. I take a deep breath.
"Last night, I felt like you didn't care." She opens her mouth, but I shoot her a look that says "let me finish". "I felt like you just.. blew it off when I told you I wanted to kill myself. I felt like you thought I was joking around. I felt hurt, and betrayed, and scared, and a thousand other things all at once. I just couldn't stand to watch you be hurt like that, so I left." I shrug. "I guess it's pretty hard to put into words. But, I'm not mad anymore. I promise." I hate lying to her. I'm gonna be mad for a long time, but I need her, and myself to a lesser extent, to be happy. Tris's whole face lights up at those words, and I feel a pang in my chest at her reaction to my lie. "You're not?" "Nope." I smile, and pull her into a bear hug. Tris is happy now, the happiest I've seen her since she woke up almost a month ago. I think she thought that when she told me what she did, I would leave her. She thought she'd be alone, and I know I could never put her through that. I lift her up and spin her around. "What do you say we go see the others?" Tris nods enthusiastically, and runs to the door. I sigh. Things are going to be tough for a while.

Hey, guys. How are you liking the story so far? yes, no, maybe so? I need to know one thing: Smut or no smut? (sex=smut). Do you guys wanna hear about Tris and Tobias doing the sex or no? Let me know in a PM or review! :)