Chapter 18
NayaFan – Thank you so much for reviewing – Shelby is getting very protective of Quinn now – I think Shelby learned so much on how Quinn thinks by knowing Judy. Rachel may not see it now but she will eventually see that Quinn only thought what she did was her way of helping Rachel. The flashbacks are key to this story.
Gleeks09 – A simple thank you to you is not enough! You are so right when you say it takes time and energy to write this tale. I love your review and love that you see the passion I have put forth in this story – your review really lifted my spirits and I thank you so much!
Blank – While I do love and appreciate EVERYONE that comments and reviews my story, I did my very best to get this chapter out around Christmas – However, I was blessed with being able to spend time with my friends and family during this holiday season. I will never post a chapter just to post a chapter – I need to make sure that it is the quality that my readers have come to expect from me – so if it takes a little longer – trust me it is not for a lack of effort or energy. Thank you for liking my story and I hope that you will continue to enjoy.
AcexofxSpades – If I were the school I would certainly fear the wrath of Shelby Corcoran. Picking on her little Rachel. Quinn tried but ….sometimes even though the right intention is there her tactics may cause her a little bit of trouble. Shelby will set her in the right direction. Thank you for your review
TheTBone – Your fav parts are always mine. I love that you see little lines and pull them out. It means lot that you read so closely. Kate will def be coming in later. Don't worry. I cannot write Brittany dumb. I just can't. She plays such an important role in Santana's life in the show and she's undermined. Her and I do whatever I want with her and make her the strong young woman she is. Oh Shitney's storyline get's a little more humorous in bad and good ways here. Get ready. The dodgeball stitch wasn't just in there for character fun but it's an essential component for all their development and I didn't realize it until I was writing this chapter. Let me know what you think. The "You promised" line was added seconds before posting. I have actually been struggling with this chapter to really grasp Rachel's heartbreak over what she thinks is Quinn's betrayal for a long time. I hope this chapter conveys that. Let me know what you think, it means so much to me. Thank you. so so much.
vballa13 – 11,000 words and I have so much more to tell! I always want to keep going but – somehow it gets the best of me!.. Santana and Quinn have a way to go because they are alike but it is moving in the right direction. Thank you so much for reviewing I truly appreciate it!
broadwaybound2016 – Favorite story? I am so honored ! Quinn is trying but she has not had much of an example for a big sister since hers is rotten but hopefully with Shelby's guidance she will get there. Thank you so much for the review.
FacingFuture - Where I come from middle school is 5th – 8th grade – and I know it changes from school to school so Rachel just started middle school. It is fall because they are still playing football and that is done in the fall. Judy is a complete nut who thinks her husband beating her daughter is appropriate unfortunately. Unfortunately even if the teachers knew the story of Rachel's past they also taught Puck and Santana and they have different personalities than Rachel and I myself have experienced teachers that should not be in the profession but somehow still are. Because of evil Hiram – Shelby did miss Leroy's funeral. The only reason she found out he died was because they were famous and the news got a hold of the story or it could have been weeks before she knew. Thank you for the review and keep them coming. I hope you are enjoying the story.
OTHangels – Thank you for the review. I promise more Brittany /San moments and Rachel /Quinn moments –
w1cked – Sadly there are still teachers like Coach Carter teaching today – Thank you for your kind review I try my best to make sure my readers know just what each character is thinking.
marinka4 – you need to get in line behind, Quinn, Santana and Puck before you get to kill Jeanie! I think those two will make sure Jeanie does not have any more issues with Rachel
IxHeartxGlee – Thank you for your review. Quinn will learn that it wasn't the correct way to handle the situation but she is a work in progress with so much to learn because she truly has rotten parents – she just thought it was best for Rachel – at the same time Rachel has to stop letting herself be bullied.
RainbowGleek – these kids are in high school and middle school so these are pretty tough years in general – these kids are not living in the past but their pasts have molded them to be the way they are and to act the way they do and these events are horrible – with the right love, guidance and support around them – they will learn to heal and move on to their futures. Thanks for reviewing
Gleek1990 – I absolutely love your review! Quinn taking matters into her own hands though might land her in a bit of trouble but I think Jeanie Marks deserved it. And yes the coach is an a- hole but Shelby will show him his place.
Renata – That is how I picture Rachel too – so so cute. Best story ever? Thank you so much ! Keep sending your love from Brazil because I love to see it!
sillystarshine – Happy Holidays to you as well. Thank you so much for you review and your patience! I do my best to get these chapters out as fast as I can!
val-cb – Thank you for the review – hopefully now that the holidays have past I will have more time to update ! We will see.
ajunebuga – Throw caution to the wind – the next couple of chapters will hopefully amaze you more. Thank you for the review!
othlvr16 – In due time Santana will come around and find out who she actually is – she is bottled up with emotion and there is no one more qualified than Brittany to help her along the way – thank you for reviewing
Ryoko05 – well here is the next chapter of your book online. Sorry for the delay – thank you for reviewing my story!
LebaneseForNayaRivera – unfortunately for you there will be more angst this chapter – but you guessed right when you say Quinn and Santana are sisters – pain in the ass half sisters – because they are getting there but there will certainly be plenty of angst along the way. And Shitney – well stick around in the next few chapters we shall see how Shitney is doing. Thank you for reviewing.
SparkleInTheSun – Quinn is trying to do what she thinks is best but….. her thinking is a little off. She is really only trying to help. Kurt needs to support Rachel more than not doing anything for her but we will see where that goes. Thanks again for the review.
amandaes417 – It makes me smile to know that you smiled! Changes update I am working on and trying to get that one out too. I wished this was out by Christmas but the holidays got busy for me and I can only update when I am focused so thank you for your patience. Thanks for the review
Everlane – Thank you so much for your review. It truly made my day. I'm sorry that this issues hit close to home but I'm grateful that you appreciate my portrayal of the situations. Rach is extremely mature in a lot of ways but young in a lot of others. We will see how the school situation is dealt in the next few chapters and I'm not sure if Rachel will like it one bit. San is one of my favorite characters. I am able to do so much with her without straying from what we were given with in the show. She's awesome to work with. Same with Quinn. Thank you for noticing and affirming the hard work I put into this. It truly invokes such humility and grace and I am grateful. I'm sorry that I made you cry but I'm appreciative that you're as connected with the characters as I am. Stephen King, I don't think so. I don't wing it as much as I get to know the characters and then try to tell a story. I like telling stories of people you know as if it were a conversation. I want my readers to be there every step of the way with me. So take your story in your head and describe it to the best you can. That's all I have to offer and I hope it helps.
Jennifer0912 – Thank you for your well thought out review! I love Mama Shelby and yes she may not approve of Quinn's tactics – she will teach Quinn the right way to respond in time. Quinn has had 16 years of parenting that was pretty awful so Shelby has a little work to do but she will get there. Brittany is a smart one and we love the Pierces.
NinjaGleek21 – All those cookies I got ! Wow – that's what took me so long between updates I was enjoying my cookies. Thank you so much – I hope you like the latest!
WittyNinja – Thank you – Kurt is fine right now with Mr. Schue – but… we shall see
AN: I'm sorry it took so long to post. I was visiting my friends and family in my small home town. Most of them I hadn't seen in a year. I hope the wait was worth it. I will try my best to post as soon as I can. Thank you for your support.
Rachel stared at Quinn. The tears fell without control. She promised she wouldn't say anything about the eggs or the fish. Rachel could see it through her tears in Quinn's eyes. Disapproval. She had promised. Rachel felt a new wave of tears coming. Her breaths hitched in her chest as the reality of the situation set in. She had been so careful to make sure that her family didn't know what happened at school. Her family pitied her; she was babied. It wasn't even Halloween yet and the bullying had already started. She was hoping people liked her more as the school year went on. Maybe people would like her better if they knew Noah scored the winning touchdown or Santana led the Cheerios to a National Championship. However, her teachers didn't like them and her classmates believed she was too much of a loser to be associated with them. She confided in Quinn and now she knew that the trust that she invested had been misplaced. The blonde must have inferred from this latest incident during gym that Rachel lied and down played everything
"What did you promise?" Santana asked.
Rachel's tears took over as she gasped for air.
"Sweetheart, you need to calm down," Shelby said kneeling next to her daughter trying to have her comforting touches graze her daughter's body as lightly as possible. The bruises that littered her back looked like they throbbed. But the girl's heaving was becoming too much.
Rachel's teary eyes still locked with Quinn's. She had trusted Quinn and thought that Quinn didn't see her as a child. However, she did and even worse, Quinn saw her as weak. She didn't believe that Rachel could handle it. Rachel's dark eyes darted to her family. Their looks all radiated with concern. It ached. She didn't need concern. She had been protected her whole life. She wanted to be let go.
Quinn saw the panic and distress in the girl's eyes. Her cheeks were flushed and stained with tears. She wasn't sure what the girl was thinking, but at that moment, Quinn never felt closer to the tiny girl. And also, in that moment, Quinn never accepted how wrong she had been. No one had ever looked at her in the way that Rachel was looking at her in that moment. Rachel believed in Quinn and she had let the tiny girl down. In the heat of the moment as she smacked child after child in the face with a dodgeball, she thought that she had been doing the right thing. It wasn't though. In reality she knew that she had presumed that Rachel's problem was fixable. She thought she would just show those kids who was boss and Rachel would be fine. However, staring at the shattered eleven year old she saw that the scars ran deep. It wasn't about eggs, dead fish and balls nor was it about revenge and the good and the bad. It was so much bigger than that. As Rachel heaved in another breath, Quinn saw how she had truly made things worse.
"Rachel," Quinn began.
She wanted to tell her that she wasn't going to tell. She wanted to tell her that she was going to fix it.
Rachel shook her head rapidly, causing her tears to fall more quickly down her face. "It's just a game," she said with an angry furrow of her brow. "I'm fine. Please just let me deal with it."
Shelby reached out for Rachel again. The girl's chest heaved, but pulled away. "Rachel—''
"You think that I can't handle anything!" Rachel cried.
"Rachel, that's not what we think at all," Santana said gently taking a step toward her sister.
The youngest Corcoran backed away. "No," she hissed with the tears still falling. Her breathes hitched again in her chest. "I-I-I'm fine. Let me…. I'm fine."
Quinn took a step forward much to her own personal hesitation. Rachel saw her step forward and looked at her with frustrated tears. "How could you? I trusted you." She shook her head trying to hold her tears back as she locked eyes with Quinn. "I just needed someone to talk to! It doesn't need to be this big deal! I told you!"
"Sweetheart, this is a big deal. You're not supposed to come home from school bruised," Shelby said with her hands up in surrender trying to hold her daughter, knowing that she needed to calm down.
Rachel's breaths heaved in her chest more and she tried to catch her breath like a fly away kite. She managed to grab it, but barely. "N-n-n-n-no!" She looked at Quinn. "I told you they would o-o-o-o-overreact!"
Santana's gaze dodged from Quinn to Rachel. What the fuck was happening?
"I didn't," Quinn shook her head slowly, also visibly upset. "I didn't know it was this bad."
Rachel continued to heave but her face fell. "W-w-w-what do you mean? I told you….. I-I-I-I told you that it was just…" A realization settled on her face and she shook her head furiously motioning at her back. "N-n-n-no. It looks worse than it is. I promise."
Quinn locked eyes with Rachel. She didn't see Santana's confused furrowed brow or Puck's worried eyes. She didn't hear Shelby's pleas for Rachel to calm down. Simply instead in that moment, Quinn knew that she needed to convince Rachel that what was happening wasn't okay. Hearing a child's pleas echo in the same tone and desperation that she silently whispered to herself, tore something in Quinn that she couldn't comprehend, but had never felt so deeply. "It's not. It looks how it is."
Rachel at that moment knew that she couldn't stay here. She couldn't be in this conversation anymore. She looked around at her family once more and then ran.
Shelby watched Rachel run out of the room. Crap, she thought to herself. Crap, crap, crap. She turned to Quinn and took a deep breath.
"Wait here," she said trying to mask her anger. "We're going to have a talk in a few minutes." She walked out of the room after Rachel calling her name.
Quinn watched after Rachel with confusion and regret. Suddenly Santana was in her line of vision.
"What the hell do you know?" Her face was icy but her eyes showed their concern and worry.
Quinn shook her head. "It's not my story to tell."
"This isn't a joke," Santana said with a rare show of vulnerability. "She's hurt and she told you something important and you didn't say anything."
The blonde tightened her jaw. "Don't ask me. Ask her."
"Well, she's not in a sharing mood right now," Santana hissed.
"Guys!" Puck barked.
The three of them looked up when there was a slam. A door. "Shit," Santana muttered. She knew that sound. It was the sound of the closet under the stairs.
"Rachel?" Shelby called. "Honey, please come out."
There was a moment of silence as the three of them stared at the door that Shelby had just run after Rachel through. Santana remembered the last time that Rachel locked herself under the stairs. It hadn't gone well.
"Noah?" Shelby suddenly called. There was urgency in her voice that caused the boy to move swiftly out of the room.
Santana swallowed some of her anxiety as she watched her brother leave. She turned to Quinn. "I don't know what you know, but you need to tell me." She watched the blonde's eyes search her. "She can't handle as much as you think she can."
Quinn narrowed her eyes. "She's tougher than you give her credit for."
The brunette scoffed. "I know that better than anyone. Certainly better than you."
They stared at each other. Both were unsure of what they were expecting from one another but both refusing to surrender. However, in that moment as Santana searched for answers, she was willing to compromise. She needed to. It was Rachel and Rachel was worth more than her pride. She had already suffered enough.
"Quinn, please," she said. "I don't beg. But this is Rachel and …" She looked at her with a frown. "I need to know. Please."
Quinn stared at the girl. She wasn't the Santana she knew or even close to the Santana that she thought she knew. The reality of the impact of what had happened to the family and what the bullying meant at that point was never more blatantly obvious. She could hear hushed voices from the foyer and Rachel's far off sobs.
"It not for me to say," Quinn replied with surprising sincerity.
Santana shook her head. "We already know something happened. And I'm going to find out." She stepped closer to her. "The only reason I'm walking away from you is because she needs me. We're not done here."
….
The closet under the stairs could barely be called a closet. It was about four feet wide and six feet long. When Shelby was a child, she and her sister played in the closet constantly. It had been a source of joy. However, since she inherited the large old house from her parents, the closet was nothing but the bane of her existence. She used to find solace in the small crawl space, but now so did Rachel. And it was a place where Shelby had the most difficulty getting her out from.
Shelby followed ten year old Santana as they waked through the front door. They had been running errands for the upcoming holiday season. Melanie was babysitting Noah and Rachel. Shelby could see the eager look on her eldest daughter's face. She was sure that Santana was aching to find Noah and taunt him about how she knew what he was getting for Christmas, despite the conversation they had just had in the car.
"We're home!" Shelby yelled as she helped usher Santana into the house while balancing a few large bags in her hands and a grocery back in the crock of her arm.
"Oh my god! Thank, God! God, am I glad you're back," Melanie said breathlessly.
"You just said 'god' three times," Santana said with a frown. "You sound like an idiot."
"Santana, that was rude," Shelby said unloading the items in her arms on to the front stairs. "Is Nanny Pierce still taking Noah to practice? You've been alone with Rachel for about an hour?"
Melanie Pierce was new to the babysitting world so the Pierces decided with Shelby that Melanie could babysit only if Mary Pierce was also available. She and the older woman were supposed to watch the kids together until Noah needed to go to hockey practice. The test run allowed Melanie to have solo babysitting times without being responsible endlessly for the children.
Shelby grabbed her coat and grabbed Santana's before the child threw it on the couch where she tends to throw most things, as long as it wasn't the closet.
"Where's Rach?"
Melanie grimaced. "That's the thing," the teenager began.
Santana hardened her face. She put her hands out pushed Melanie in the stomach causing the girl to fall back a few steps. "What do you mean?" she exclaimed.
The teenager caught herself before she fell to the floor.
Shelby grabbed her daughter. "Hey, hey! Santana, we talked about pushing." The mother held the girl back and continued in her even calm voice. "Not okay. Take a breath. When you're ready please apologize." Santana relented. Her face relaxed and she leaned into her mother's side. Shelby gave a smile of triumph. Pushing others and leaning into her side, Shelby knew that they had come a long way over these past few years. She was no longer throwing lamps at Shelby and most importantly strangers who looked at Rachel. Explaining the broken jars of pickles to the store manager had been messy and expensive experience on so many levels.
"Melanie, is Rachel in the house?" Shelby asked.
"Yes, but –''
The woman went on. "Is she hurt?"
"No, but –"
"Do you know where she is here in the house?"
"Of course, but –"
"Is something broken?"
The teenager frowned. "No.—"
"Did someone call?" Shelby asked more seriously. She felt Santana look at her from her side. She pulled her a few inches closer to her.
"No, no one." Melanie realized she would let the woman continue and she would eventually get permission to speak.
"Did someone stop by?"
The girl shook her head. "No one. Plus I would never let anyone in."
"Is she wheezing?"
Melanie nodded frantically. "She didn't want to go on the neb though. I was just about to call you when I heard you pull up."
Shelby gave a small sigh. "Where is she?"
The teenager gave a grimace. "She's under the stairs."
Shelby turned behind her and knelt in front of the small door. She hadn't heard her baby girl sobbing since they had been talking. Any silence in the house was always worrisome.
"Rachel?" she called as she opened the door.
"Mommy?" her five year old cried. Her sniffing had been masked by the door and was now exposed to Shelby's ears.
"Hey, bug, come out okay?" Santana said in a gentle voice as she knelt next to her mother. Shelby gave her daughter a smiled before turning back to her youngest, who she could barely see tucked in the crawl space under the stairs.
Rachel made a face and began to start crying again. "Would you shoot me if I w-w-w-was sick?"
Shelby shook her head with a little laugh. "No, bug, never. Why would you say that?" She asked looking up at Melanie questioningly.
"She kind of watched Old Yeller today….." Melanie said with a grimace.
Shelby squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and turned back to Rachel. "My sweet girl, come out here please and we will talk about Old Yeller."
Rachel turned slowly and looked at her mother. Her tear stained face broke Shelby's heart. She reached out her small arms. All she needed was her mom. Shelby gave a sigh of relief as the small girl walked on her hands and knees to her. Shelby held her in her arms, wrapped her daughter in them and allowed her hug to convey to the girl that she would be okay.
Shelby leaned against the doorway and she could hear Rachel. This was so much worse than when they had accidentally let Rachel watch the old movie. This time Rachel was hurt.
"Sweetheart, please come out so we can talk about this," Shelby encouraged.
"N-N-n-n-," Rachel couldn't even say words because she was heaving too much.
She gave a sigh. "Bug, either you come out or I'm going to come in and get you."
"N-n-n-n-," Rachel cried again.
Rachel was young in so many ways and older in so many others. Her eleven years had offered her such turmoil and confusion, but such creative and unique insight. However, her biggest struggle was the uncertainty that she had in her surroundings and the apprehension that it invoked. All three of Shelby's children dealt with their loss of control differently, all sporadically, but all differently. Noah and Santana were reckless and sometimes she could see it coming and other times she couldn't. However, eight years allowed Shelby to be able to bring them back from it, for the most part. However, Rachel was more drastic. When that security was taken away, the eleven year old retreated even more greatly than the other two. Sometimes even after almost eight years of stability, Rachel still questioned people around her. She needed constant reminding. Her anxiety forced her to retreat. When she got overwhelmed she needed to feel safe again. Shelby caught herself searching for clues that she missed. She watched her children so closely because of all that happened. She knew that her youngest felt the urge to feel independent but she didn't realize she was so desperate to be on her own. She had missed that. She had messed that up.
Shelby moved into the closet. She wasn't a big person, but crawling into the small space made her feel like a giant. Rachel was tucked into the tiniest corner underneath the stairwell.
"Rachel, come on please, you can't speak to me like this. I know it must hurt your chest," Shelby said calmly as she reached her hand out and tried not to bump her head.
"L-l-l-leave me allloooonne," Rachel said scooting further into the closet.
"I will once you're on the neb. You need to come out. That is your only option."
Rachel shook her head and turned her back to her mother. Shelby felt a pang echo through her. She wasn't what her daughter needed now. Rachel was no longer five. She couldn't fix the situation with a hug. Despite the absence of a solution, Rachel struggled to breathe under the stairwell. Shelby needed to get her out of there.
She looked over her shoulder. "Noah?" she called.
"D-d-d-on't," Rachel said. Shelby could hear the frown in her daughter's plea.
"Rachel, you are coming out of this closet and going on the nebulizer," Shelby said sternly.
Noah rounded the corner and Shelby maneuvered herself out of the space. She turned to her son. Although he was bigger than she was, with his tall frame and his strong shoulders, he had greater strength than Shelby and would be able to pull Rachel from the closet a lot easier than Shelby would be able to. Shelby barely had to raise her eyes are her son.
"I got her," he said as he crawled into the closet. "Come on," she heard him say gently.
"N-n-n-noah!" Rachel cried.
Shelby heard footsteps behind her and saw Santana. "Get the neb please?" she said quickly. Santana nodded and ran up the stairs to ready it.
Noah emerged from the closet with Rachel in his arms. She was crying still and hitting his shoulder with her fist but not doing much else.
"Rachel, look at me," Shelby said with her stern mom voice. The girl's eyes shifted to look at her mother from Noah's shoulder. "I'm not fighting with you. I will leave you alone once you're on the nebulizer but we're not fighting about it."
Rachel sighed and heaved into Noah's shoulder and looked at her mother. Shelby could see her concede with her eyes but not without a frown.
"Quinn," Shelby called. "Come upstairs with us please."
Quinn followed the family slowly up the stairs. She mumbled that she would wait in her room. Shelby nodded and made eye contact with the blonde girl.
"I'll be in in a few minutes," Shelby nodded.
Santana put the mask over Rachel's face and turned on the machine. Rachel started to protest at the sight of the mask. Shelby shot her daughter a look. Rachel folded her hands and looked at her lap trying to avoid everyone's eyes.
A honk interrupted the silence. "That's Whitney," Noah said softly sitting on Rachel's bed. The girl turned away from him. "Hey," he said gently. "Rach."
"Go away, Noah," she said from under the mask with her back facing him. She turned to him sharply. With tired eyes she said, "You didn't have to tell about dodgeball."
"Rach," Noah started again.
"Get out," Rachel said with fresh tears.
Noah looked at her in confusion. Who was this girl? Where was the Rachel he knew?
Shelby knelt in front of Rachel who tried to turn from her again, but the mother held her gaze gently. "I understand that you're upset and I'm sorry that you feel betrayed but that does not mean that you are allowed to be rude. I promised you we will leave you alone and we will, but Santana will sit in here with you, and" she locked eyes with her eldest daughter. "She will not ask you thing. Got it?"
Rachel nodded and looked back down at her hands.
"Noah, go have fun with Whitney."
He stared at Rachel one last time. Shelby caught a look in his eye that made her want to catch him. However, he walked out of the room with giant strides. She looked at her daughters and gave Santana another warning look before she left down the hallway quickly.
"Noah," she called after him. He turned and gave a huff as he put on his jacket. She saw the distress in his eyes. "She's not mad at you."
"I know," he said with a shake of his head. "It's fine. I don't care."
"Go have fun at your movie," Shelby said. "Behave in the theater please. Home by eleven. It's a school night."
He nodded and walked away from her.
Shelby heard the front door slam. She turned and walked into Quinn's room. The girl was facing the window.
"What's going on?" Shelby asked a she sat on the bed.
Quinn could hear the attempted tamed edge in her voice.
"It's not my story to tell," the girl replied without looking at the woman.
"I understand that Quinn, but I need to know what you know," Shelby said.
Shelby sighed and looked at the ceiling and looked over. She then noticed a hint of blood on the back of Quinn's uniform.
"What happened today, Quinn?" Shelby said standing and grabbing Quinn's big nightshirt and handing it to the girl. "Go into the bathroom and change we need to clean your back." She looked at the girl who just stared back at her and then back at the nightshirt. "I want answers, Quinn, and I want them now."
The woman's calm, even voice was as threatening as her father's screams. Quinn stood and reached for her suitcase.
Shelby took the suitcase from her. She looked the girl in the eye. "That's not what I said." She held out the nightshirt. "Now go change."
The blonde sighed and walked into the bathroom. She reached to close the door and Shelby caught it. Her back was still turned away from her, but Quinn could still picture her face. "Privacy is a privilege. Door open."
Quinn turned and tried to change as quickly as possible from her uniform. She turned toward the door and caught a glance of herself in the mirror. She frowned and headed back into the bedroom. Her reckless spontaneity had never conjured as much regret as this one did. The uncertainty of her actions before were dealt with in a harsh manner by her father. However, Shelby was a horse of a different color. Quinn didn't know what to expect or how to function. Despite all of the changes, she noticed her conscious was becoming louder in her head instead of the mute that it normally was. She no longer was complacent and silent.
She allowed Shelby to clean her wounds not because she wanted to but she knew she was already in trouble. Even though in her head she knew that Shelby wouldn't hit her, she still had foreboding building in her chest. She still expected it. It had been the only consistent thing in her life.
Shelby looked at the girl's back and let the silence settle her anxiety. She was angry, but the more she considered the situation, she wasn't surprised The compulsive behavior she was used to. Not only in her own children, but with the children she worked with. It was a survival mechanism. She knew in her heart of hearts that Quinn's poor judgment call signified that she was accepting her youngest, in the least, as someone to trust and protect. She could see her struggling even though her face was turned.
"This doesn't change anything, Quinn," Shelby said as she gently cleaned the wound. "I still care about you. I still love you. I don't want you to leave. That doesn't mean that I don't expect that you'll make mistakes. You kids can have your secrets, but not ones that are harmful. You're not expected to be the adult. I won't allow it. It's my job to take care of things, not yours." She took a deep breath. "What did Rachel make you promise?" Shelby asked.
Quinn remained silent.
"Quinn—'' Shelby warned.
"Do you know what Rachel deals with at school?" Her question came out more sharply than intended.
"I know it's hard for her but I didn't expect this," Shelby said honestly. "And I still don't know what all of 'this' entails."
Quinn winced as Shelby put the disinfectant on. The mother went on. "Is what happened with Rachel and the reason why your back has opened related events?" The girl didn't answer. "I know you feel the need to protect Rachel in your own way—''
"I didn't protect her from anything," she said quickly. She hadn't. She had made a mistake. She didn't know how to admit it, but she had. However, the concept that she recognized this by her subconscious and how vastly significant that change was from the person she was a few months ago went unnoticed.
Shelby gave a nod and stared at the back of the girl's head for a moment. She looked around the room and spotted Rachel's backpack peeking out of the closet. Pieces starting to slowly come together.
"Did you leave school today to go to Rachel's school?" The question was simple but Quinn's head shot up.
"Yes," the girl's quick answer surprised them both.
"Sue called me and told me that she saw you walking up the street when she came back from the meeting," Shelby explained. She lowered the gown. "All done. Look at me, Quinn. We need to talk." The girl turned and faced Shelby. "Did you see anything? Did you do anything?"
"Yes…" Quinn said looking away.
"Quinn, do you realize that you're not allowed to leave school?" Shelby asked. The girl looked down. "You're grounded. You have been grounded for a while. Cheerios, Therapy, School, home. Nothing else. I will make a sheet every day for every teacher to sign. You will get it signed when you show up to each class. If this does not work or if you breach this trust, I will be going to all of your classes with you." Quinn looked up in shock. The look told Shelby that Quinn was thinking if this was the punishment for leaving school she was scared about what would happen when Shelby found out what she did. She went on more gently. "You're safe in this house, Quinn. I will never hurt you in any way. However, you are already in a whole lot of trouble. Now, why is Rachel's backpack in your closet and why does Jeanie Marks have a black eye?"
Quinn looked over at her closet and back down at her hands. Her heart was beating. She wasn't sure what to say. She didn't know how to say it. Various words muddled on the tip of her tongue. Finally, two words fell out.
"I'm sorry," she said looking up.
"For being caught or for what you did which you still haven't told me?" Shelby asked.
Quinn furrowed her brow. "I'm sorry because of Rachel."
"That didn't answer my question," she warned. "I need you to tell me exactly what you know and what you did today," Shelby said.
Quinn looked at her. An honesty and trust looked back at her and somehow, Quinn began her explanation. She stared at her hands as she told Shelby about the eggs and the dead fish. She began to wring out her hands and lower her voice in a mixture of shame and confusion as she described what she did in gym class. She refused to look at Shelby as she spoke. She had never confessed with such genuine honesty in her life. She was never given a chance, and she realized as she spoke, she never knew she wanted that chance.
"Quinn," Shelby said with a sigh. "I'm going to ask you again. Are you sorry for what you did or because you were caught?"
"I'm sorry I left school," Quinn said honestly. "And I'm sorry for hurting Rachel."
"Look at me," the mother said carefully. With trepidation, the girl looked up. "You bullied kids into not bullying, Quinn. That's not okay." She gave a small nod. "I know you think you're protecting Rachel but violence cannot be solved with more violence. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
She gave another small nod.
"You're going to apologize to the gym class as well as give a personal apology to Jeanie Marks."
Quinn frowned. This was not what she expected. Apologies were like take backs. She didn't regret what she did to Jeanie. Not one bit. "What? No!"
"That wasn't a question or a request," Shelby said. "I will not tolerate that behavior in my house, Quinn."
"Well, I will just leave," Quinn said as she stood.
"You won't," Shelby said standing in front of the girl.
The girl's face hardened. "I am not going to apologize! Rachel doesn't stand up for herself. She gets overwhelmed when Santana or Puck do something idiotic. I stuck up for her and I did it without her knowing! I just told you what those kids do! What those teachers say. She doesn't deserve that! Someone needs to be there for her."
Shelby looked at the girl. She was yelling but she was seeing something different.
Quinn paced. "You don't understand! She tries! All she does is try! I'm not going to apologize because I stuck up for her." She shook her head. "No."
The older woman watched the girl provide an explanation. In that moment, Shelby realized that Quinn saw herself in Rachel. Perhaps she saw it and perhaps she didn't. Either way, the blonde's instincts were dictating her actions. Fight or flight. She frowned as she realized that Quinn needed more tools to fight back that didn't include pummeling children with dodgeballs.
"Quinn, was what you did the only thing you could think of to do?" The girl looked at her in confusion.
"What?" the girl asked.
"Did you think that there weren't any other options?"
The question is simple. However, as Quinn looked for an answer she realized that she acted on instincts. She frowned. There had been no other option.
"There wasn't was there?" Shelby sighed. "Quinn, I know it's hard to believe but even though you're sixteen it doesn't mean you have all the answers." She looked at Quinn. "I should have dealt with this. You should have come to me. I'm not angry at you as much as I am your actions. They are not okay. You cannot hurt other people even though that's what you've been taught." She remembered something that she had heard Russell say at a school event years back and knew that statement must be engrained in Quinn's mind as it dictated her moral compass. "Quinn, it's not about 'putting people in their place.' Okay? Wrong thing done for a right reason is still a wrong thing."
The blonde was soaking in the woman's words. While a small portion of the girl recognized their validity, the rest of her knew that Jeanie Marks wouldn't have left Rachel alone.
Shelby saw her turmoil. "Quinn, if you were in Jeanie's place would you have backed down from Rachel?"
What was it with these questions? Her brain was in such overload it was exhausting.
"No," Quinn realized honestly. Her answer hit her hard. She frowned. Fuck. She looked at her hands. If she was Jeanie she wouldn't have backed down from Rachel, she would have gone after her harder.
"Get in bed, Quinn. You've earned yourself an early bedtime." She leaned down and kissed her softly on the forehead. "I still love you. I will see you in the morning."
….
Puck sighed and tucked his hands in his pockets. He threw open the door of Whitney's Lexus.
"Hey, babe!" she said with a smile. She saw his face and pouted. "What's wrong? Is Santana being a bitch again?"
"Hey," he snapped. "Let's just go to this thing."
"Don't be grumpy," she said. He continued to frown. "Come here," she said reaching out to him. He sighed and allowed her to take his lips with hers. She reached in the back of her Lexus. She gave him a grin. "I brought you a present." He arched his brow. "Me, of course and," she held up a long necked paper bag. "And some Jack Daniels." She saw his still sad look. "Look at me," she said with a husky voice. "Forget them. They don't matter. We'll go and have fun."
He looked at her with tired eyes. He could still hear Rachel's words in his ears. He would never admit it but they hurt. He certainly wasn't going to admit it to her. He looked at the alcohol. This was the next best thing.
He gave her a small smirk. "Let's do this."
….
Santana watched her mother leave. She looked back and Rachel had settled as far away from Santana as she could. She was leaning up against the wall. Her mother had told her not a word, but she had so many on the tip of her tongue. Rachel must have sensed it because she scooted even closer to the wall and thereby away from the older brunette. Consequently, the nebulizer shifted to the edge of the nightstand and teetered off the side.
"Rach," she said grabbing it before it fell off.
The girl didn't turn and said with a tired huff. "You're not supposed to talk to me."
"Hey," Santana said with an annoyed snap. Rachel met her eyes and then looked back at the wall. The quick glance said, "I'm sorry," but in the most silent way. The older girl looked down at her hands. "Why didn't you tell me? You can tell me anything."
In so many words, the question that Santana was really asking was "why did you tell her and not me?" However, she was sure the reason that Rachel hadn't confided in her was her own fault.
There was a silence. Santana anticipated that Rachel would snap at her again. She was used to her being pouty but not unpleasant.
Rachel's voice surprised her though. "I just …. wanted to fit in," the voice said quietly beneath the mask. "I didn't want you to come in and beat everyone up for me." She still had her back turned so she didn't see Santana's smirk. "I'm not five anymore. I was handling it."
"Clearly, you weren't, Rach," Santana said gently.
"But, I needed to," she said still underneath the mask. She turned and looked at Santana who sat closer to her on the bed.
"There's no shame in asking for help," Santana said quietly as she rested her chin on her sister's shoulder.
"You don't," Rachel said honestly looking over her shoulder at her sister.
Santana frowned and her mouth opened slightly. Rachel sat up and leaned against her, breaking her from her concentration.
"I'm still mad at you," Rachel muttered. Her voice was still muffled under the mask. She leaned her head on her sister's shoulder and her arm across her lap.
Santana examined the mask to make sure it was still in the right position. She readjusted it despite Rachel's protests and rested her cheek against the side of the girl's head.
"I know," she whispered. "Rachel?" she asked after a few moments. "You need to tell me when things are bad. I can help."
"No, you would just throw a conniption," Rachel mumbled under the mask.
"What was that?" Santana asked.
"Nothing," the younger girl mumbled. "That's why I told Quinn. She didn't flip out, did she? She just…. outted me."
Santana frowned. She had known Quinn longer and better than anyone in the family. The girl skimmed through what she knew in her head. Quinn left school in the middle of the day, her back reopened, and Jeanie Marks had a black eye. Santana frowned deeply. She would bet her pom-poms that Miss Quinn Fabray did much more than 'flip.' She gave a scoff.
"What?" a small voice asked quietly.
"Nothing," she replied as leaned forward and looked to see how much more medicine remained. "You're done, bug." She removed the mask and Rachel settled back against her. She gave a sigh. "So are you going to tell me what you told Quinn but you won't tell me?"
"No, because you'll be mad," Rachel said as she pulled the covers up.
"I'm already mad," Santana replied.
The younger girl looked up at her with sadness. "Oh," she mumbled. She leaned into her pillow and pulled slightly away from Santana.
"Rachel, I'm not mad at you as much as I am the situation."
The girl frowned. "So you're jealous?"
"What?" Santana asked. "That is not what I said."
She chewed her lip. "Are you made that I told her instead of you?"
Santana thought for a second. "Not mad as much as sad."
"Oh," the younger girl mumbled. "I'm ust a little stressed out that's all. "It was never my intention for you to know anything."
Santana laughed and tugged Rachel back toward her. "Never your intention? Are you sixty years old?"
"San," Rachel moaned in frustration. She settled back into her sister after throwing her an indignant frown.
She allowed her laugh to settle. She thought more seriously. "I just don't understand," she said quietly. "Why are you so upset over this? Why is it such a secret?"
She sighed and looked up at her big sister. "You treat me like a baby."
"You are a baby," Santana said without hesitation.
"No, I'm not," Rachel snapped, sitting up. "I know stuff. I know that you all do this because of what happened…." Her voice trailed off and she tried to pretend not to see her sister's new look of surprise. "I know. I'm not dumb….. I needed to feel like I could take care of something….." She shrugged and looked at her hands. "So what if people don't like me that much at school….. it doesn't mean you coming in and giving everyone a hard time really isn't going to make them like me more."
Santana frowned at her words. "How exactly do you know they don't like you, Rach? I will go down there and-"
"Did you hear what I just said?" She frowned. "The rest of it?" She watched Santana think. Her sister had the worst selective hearing. "I know that you all act like this because you don't think I can take care of myself, like I'm some sitting duck."
The older girl's eyes softened. "Rachel, that's not…."
"Yes, it is," she interrupted. "Noah told me."
Santana narrowed her eyes. "What?" she said with an accusatory look.
Rachel frowned and rolled her eyes. She lowered her voice and bowed her head. "He said that….. he told me that it's because I don't fight back."
"Rachel," Santana tried again.
"I know I don't fight like you and him. I know I'm not loud and aggressive, but that doesn't mean I want to be rescued all the time….." She met her sister's eyes. She expected to be interrupted but saw that the older girl was actually soaking in her words. "I need to fight my own fights," she said more confidently. "In my own way."
Santana took a deep breath before speaking. Rachel looked at her with such a raw hope for approval that it broke her heart. "Rachel, you're not fighting your fight though. You're being bullied."
"Doesn't mean that I'm going to come crawling to you to save me." Rachel laid back against the pillows. "You're not going to be here forever, you know? Noah, Quinn, and you will go to college. I'll be here alone. I need to learn to be alone."
"Alone? Rach, you'll never be alone."
She settled into the pillow with a big yawn. "Someday I will."
Santana calmed her hand through Rachel's hair. Alone? Santana herself avoided change like the plague. She didn't look forward to it or dread it. She just avoided it. She lived in that moment as if it would never cease Rachel was thinking ahead and of the future, but not in excitement, but in dismay. Rachel never handled change well. While Santana avoided it, Rachel expected things to crumble. Santana kicked herself. Of course, Rachel had been panicking about her and Noah's departure to college. Her futile attempt to be alone was actually Rachel's desperate attempt to coax herself into adulthood so that the anxiety of Noah and Santana leaving, though years away for Santana and months away for Noah, were less traumatic.
"Rachel," she said quietly. "Being grown up doesn't mean you pretend that things are okay when they aren't."
"But you're not scared of anything," Rachel whispered with a yawn. "You're so tough and you're so perfect in everything that you do."
Santana would have laughed if she hadn't had the day she had. "You can't possibly think that."
Rachel yawned again. "I do."
Santana knew she wasn't perfect. She knew Rachel had an ideal of her, but she didn't think it was perfection. Santana didn't know anything about herself because she didn't want to. It hurt too much. It hurt to think. It hurt to breathe. So she drowned her feelings and buried them so deep inside of her. She could barely let Rachel love her. Her mother worked so hard with her and letting her in took years. Rachel expected her and Noah to go to college. She knew her mother expected them to also, but leaving meant so much. In a few ways they had moved on but in reality they hadn't. She knew her mother knew that. That's why they were all still in therapy. Santana realized in that moment that Rachel expected that at some point things might get better and in that state of being she would be alone. Santana on the other hand expected that she would remain the same forever because it was too painful to move on.
"Rach?" Santana asked.
She didn't get a respond and she looked down and noticed that she was sound asleep. She gave a gentle sigh and leaned into the pillows too. She let her eyes shut and ease into sleep.
"Santana," she heard her mother's gentle voice and a hand comb over her head. She opened her eyes and look at her. "You need to go to your own bed."
"No," Santana frowned.
"Santana," Shelby said quietly. "This is not up for discussion."
"But Mom," Santana began.
"Do not wake her up," Shelby said. "Let's go."
Shelby settled Santana into her bed and watched her eldest daughter sleep. She looked back over to the picture of her and Leroy with the kids when they were younger.
…
Rachel entered into the gym quietly. There was now one in there. She turned and stared at the wall of banners. "Dodgeball King : Noah Corcoran." Rachel frowned. That had not been there earlier. She looked at another banner. "Santana Corcoran: Perfect and Beautiful." Rachel frowned deeper; she hated when her dreams worked with her insecurities and taunted her.
"Hey, beaker!"
She turned and now the gym was filled with not only her class but the entire school. They all held dodgeballs.
"On my count," someone screamed.
"Please don't," Rachel whimpered as she backed away.
Don't cry, she coaxed herself. Don't cry. She fell to the floor and covered her face. She brought her knees up to her chest as the first balls hit her. She whimpered. She squeezed her eyes shut and heard a door slam. She opened her eyes to darkness. She wasn't in the gym anymore. She was in a small familiar place, but one that gave her chills more than comfort.
The door yanked opened and all she saw were long legs and dirty shoes. That's what she remembered. She began to shake and then she felt an arm grasp hers. She was dragged from the closet. She felt her body being thrown into a corner. She put her arms over her head. Sanny had told her to protect her head.
"Ahhhhh," there was a scream of anger in frustration. She peaked through her fingers and watched him push over desks and shelves. "Your fault! Your fault!" he screamed as he threw albums and any object at her. It hit her with a blow after blow.
She began to cry and she felt herself being dragged up to her feet. His hand flew through the air and hit her face. She cradled her cheek and sobbed more. He shook her. "Stop crying, Rachel! Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" The hand of the man with the big boots crashed into her face again and she fell to the floor.
Her fingers gripped the floor and she sobbed as she heard the clanking of his buckle. She felt a rise in her chest because she knew what that sound meant. She cried into the floor before he yanked her up. He breathed heavily in her ear. "You worthless piece of shit," he said as he shook her with each word. "I told you to stop crying!"
Rachel's eyes flew open as she jumped awake. The darkness of the room surrounded her. She hated dodgeball. She knew that her dream had turned into a memory, a memory of him and what life was like with him.
She rolled over to where she remembered Santana being and realized that a pillow had replaced her. Grabbing George in her small fist, she slipped from her bed and went across the hallway.
…..
Shelby watched Santana sleep. She knew that if Santana knew what the kids have done to Rachel, Jeanie marks would have more than a black eye. She and Leroy never endorsed violence, but violence had become there only means of protection. They were alone with that crazy bastard for two months and those two months had changed everything. Shelby looked toward the bathroom door that led to Quinn's room. Sixteen years she had endured so much and Shelby still didn't know the details. She knew she couldn't let the black eye go, but a part of her wanted to.
"Mom?" a small voice asked from the door. Shelby was broken from her thoughts. She looked up and Rachel was looking at her with tired eyes.
Shelby took a deep breath and walked toward her youngest bringing her back to bed. Rachel talked tiredly about how she wanted Santana to stay. Shelby coaxed her back into bed and she was asleep in minutes. She stared at the stars on the ceiling. She looked over at the clock with a heavy sigh. Her mind was too full to sleep plus Noah wasn't home yet. Her thoughts trailed off. She looked at the clock.
1:43am.
SHIT! Curfew had been at eleven.
…
Noah raised the neck of the Jack Daniels bottle up and let the liquid burn his throat. He was swimming in a drunken state.
"Baby," Whitney moaned into his mouth. Everyone had left the bonfire hours ago. They were alone together in the car fogging up the windows. "Like Leo and Kate!," Whitney had giggled hours before.
He kissed her again. He needed to escape. He was sure he had an hour left before he had to be home.
"Let's have sex!" Whitney laughed as she leaned into his chest. If they weren't both highly intoxicated, he would have been disgusted by her stage four clingy behavior. However, his drunken state saw her as playful and sexy instead of sloppy.
He grinned. "We gots to do it quick," he slurred. "I gotta go home."
He leaned back her seat and they spread out even more on the soft interior of the Lexus. He kissed her slowly but she pulled him to her hungrily causing the space between them to disappear. Her giggles and moans drowned out the faint vibration in his coat pocket that lay on the floor of the front seat.
…
Shelby tucked Rachel in kissed her gently when the tiny girl whimpered at the loss of contact. "You're alright," she whispered. With Rachel asleep, she walked quickly to the zoo that was Noah's room.
It was empty. She ran furiously around the house making sure he wasn't there. She grabbed the phone and furiously called his cellphone. The rings didn't cease; he didn't pick up. She realized she didn't know what theater he went to or even what movie. Crap. She would have normally been on top of those details. She flew back up the stairs. She hated doing this but she needed details. She needed them fast. Noah could be in a ditch or murdered.
She sat down next to Santana's sleeping form.
"Sweetheart," she said gently as she ran her hand through her long hair. "I need you to wake up, okay? I need to know what theater Noah is at."
Her eldest daughter looked at her bewildered with tired eyes. "Whatare youtalkingabout?"
"Theater. I just need to know the theater," Shelby said with urgency. She watched Santana wake up a tiny bit more and frown. Then it hit her. How stupid can she be? "He didn't go to a movie with Whitney did he?"
Santana woke up a little more and tried to form words. "He's probably- Maybe the movie ran-''
"We both know he wasn't at the movies," Shelby said dryly. She shook her head. The plan would have probably snuck past her. However, it was Rachel's comment that surely sent her son into a reckless rage. "Spill Santana."
Santana knew that tone. And at almost two in the morning, it was a tone that couldn't be argued with. "Bonfire. There was a bonfire."
"Where?"
She knew she was betraying her brother but under the harsh gaze of her mother she really didn't have a choice. Plus he was three hours late for curfew. She could have covered for him if it was thirty minutes maybe even an hour, but three?
"It's over near Harper's Ridge. Near that old barn," she said quietly.
Shelby frowned. "Where is that?"
"I can show you," Santana said to her hands that told Shelby that Santana had snuck off to the location more than once.
"Crap, Santana," Shelby said with a sigh. "I cannot leave Rachel and Quinn here." The mother stood and handed Santana her Ugg boots and a jacket. "Please go get Rachel and I'll get Quinn and meet you at the car."
Santana groaned internally. This was not good.
….
Shelby combed her hand through Quinn's hair. She knelt down to the sleeping girl on the floor.
"Quinn, we need to go for a bit. I'm sorry. I need you to wake up," she said gently.
She kicked herself as the girl jumped awake and her eyes popped open in fear. Shelby wondered how many times Russell woke her up in the middle of the night.
"Noah's not home yet and we need to go get him," Shelby explained as she helped the tired girl sit up.
"He and Shitney just got caught at the bonfire," Quinn said with a yawn.
Shelby's head snapped up and Quinn grimaced as she met the woman's surprised and furious gaze.
"We will be talking about this later," Shelby said leading the girl to the hallway.
Rachel's door was open and Shelby could hear her eldest daughter gently murmuring to her youngest.
Santana wrapped a blanket around Rachel and picked her up. The girl instinctively rested her head on Santana's shoulder.
"Ihadabaddream," she mumbled into Santana's ear.
"Okay, I know," Santana whispered as she carried Rachel into the hallway. She exchanged a quick look with Quinn. So much for leverage.
They piled into the Range Rover. Shelby had Rachel and Quinn sit in the far back of the large Land Rover Discovery. Rachel fell asleep against Quinn and the girl tried her best not to care.
The ride was bumpy for most of the way. Rachel kept waking up periodically and moving away from Quinn with lingering indignant frowns, but as soon as she fell back asleep she was back on her shoulder. Quinn stared at down the familiar road. Nights at the bonfires were not meant to be shared with the whole family.
There at the end of the road was Shitney's Lexus. Quinn felt her heart drop for Noah. However, her sympathy didn't linger for long because there in the back of Lexus was Shitney's fat white ass sticking in the air. Her eyes widened. Rachel stirred next to her.
"What'sgoingon?" she muttered.
"Cover her eyes!" Shelby and Santana screamed from the front seat.
Quinn didn't need to be told twice.
Shelby stomped out of the big vehicle and ripped open the Lexus door.
"NOAH! Put on your clothes and get out of this car now! BOTH OF YOU!"
The mother walked back over to the car fuming. Santana saw her mother was beyond upset. She hadn't seen her mother this upset before. Yeah, he had broken curfew. Yeah, he probably had eighty-six STDs from the monkey whore known as Whitney. She knew her mother would be made, but shaking and fuming wasn't what she expected.
She climbed out of the vehicle.
"Are you okay?" she asked quietly leaning up against the car next to her mother.
"No, I am not," Shelby said with a deep breath and she put her head in her hands. Exhaustion was hitting her. She didn't need it. She had one child beating up other children. She had another accepting bullying as 'no big deal.' And now her eldest was drunk, given the stench of the car, and having sex at two o'clock in the morning.
"He's just blowing off some steam, Mom." Santana's voice was soft and reassuring.
Shelby shot her head up and met her daughter's eyes. "What?" she said shocked.
She shrugged as she folded her arms. "I mean it's just sex and it's Shitney. It doesn't mean anything."
Shelby looked at her daughter in shock. And apparently her daughter thought sex was meaningless.
As usual this was supposed to be longer but I hope this is enough to tide you over ... please let me know what you think.