Chapter 5

It had taken him a couple of hours to recover from what Touka had thrown onto him. The physical wounds had healed almost instantly but the emotional were running painfully deeply. He had struggled with the crippling honesty that her words had held, trying to accept them for what they were. Of course, an unconscious part of him was trying to deny everything. This had resulted in him sitting in the same position, immobile for hours. Hours after Touka had left, tossing the keys onto him and leaving him in the haunting silence. He was unsure of how to handle himself anymore. He'd only returned to Anteiku because he'd been selfish. He'd decided that if he'd stayed closer to the people he loved he'd be able to shelter and protect them easier. He hadn't vaguely considered the fact that he'd be emotionally harming them so much. He'd tried so hard to make this- this whole situation work out for their good, make sure they weren't the ones getting hurt. How foolish had he been?

When he'd finally staggered back to his apartment he'd collapsed from exhaustion almost instantly, vague, unimportant thoughts such as how he'd forgotten to lock the shop plaguing him. It was as if he was too mind-numbed to be contemplating the more complex and important things. It had become so draining for him. Seeing Touka and Hide together. It was quite evident that he was jealous, but what struck him as disturbing was that he wasn't always jealous of the affection displayed between the two. He was jealous of the fact that Touka was with Hide. She seemed to be the person responsible for his best friend's protection now and it was eating away at Kaneki. He didn't doubt for a moment that the younger woman was strong but it troubled him to think, was she strong enough? Shouldn't he be the one that looked after Hide. Protected Hide from harms way.

Once again he was hit by the feeling of guilt for even mulling over the idea. How incredibly selfish of him, he scoffed. Maybe the close proximity thing wasn't a good idea. After all, living as a ghoul he had realized that the only concerns in his life wouldn't include his emotions alone. He did need to get stronger. While his lessons with Yomo were helping, they just weren't enough. He needed to get answers and become stronger. He needed to keep Touka and Hide out of harms way. With that, he strengthened his resolve and forcing himself from the sofa, staggered to his room.

Hide hadn't been sure what he had been expecting. Sure, walking around the 20th ward at midnight you were sure to see some questionable characters but he was utterly dumbfounded when he'd seen the familiar colourless haired man turning into an alley a few feet ahead of him. Without really thinking he had followed him, well more like ran after him, shouting his name repeatedly. He was breathless when he finally caught up and was surprised to see how isolated the whole place was. The system of alleyways was like a maze within the 20th ward. A maze that he probably shouldn't have entered at midnight, because there was probably a potential threat lurking somewhere in the shadows. On the other hand he did have Kaneki with his super ghoul powers. He was probably safe.

'Kaneki, what are you doing?' he asked, hunched over as he tried to catch his breath. He raised his gaze to finally look at his best friend and running his eyes over him he froze. A mixture of amusement and worry hit him as he noted what he was wearing. It was a warm night sure… but was it really that warm? The snowy haired man was regarding him with a strange conflicted look. 'What's with the bondage suit?' he asked before he could stop himself. An immediate blush rose onto the pale boy's cheeks and Hide had to hold himself back from snickering. Seriously though, the leather, the small cuts on the shoulders, how it moulded with his friend's skin. It really looked inappropriate. 'Hide-' Kaneki choked out, ready to retort full force probably. 'Seriously Neki, you could get arrested for public indecency. Be more considerate. What if a child saw you?'

'How many children are out and about at midnight Hide?' Kaneki drawled, the redness still visible on his skin. This time Hide did snicker. 'Well some questionable citizens could mistake you for a-' 'Shut up Hide!' His bare shoulders were even reddening. Hide chuckled at his friend's easy reactions, enjoying the light mood. 'Let me guess? You're going to wear this to Kamii? Maybe the professors could give you higher marks!' Now he was laughing at his ingenious as Kaneki looked torn between hitting him or sinking and disappearing into the ground. 'Shut up Hide,' the smaller man whined, which only egged on his laughter. Kaneki was glaring at him un-amused and it took the blonde a few minutes before he fully regained his composure, gasping for air when he finally stopped. This was brilliant. He needed a picture of him and Kaneki like this, in that suit. He needed the world to see this hilarious sight before him. He fished for his phone, pulling it out in record time, measuring the aghast expression on his friend's face as the flash in his camera went off, illuminating the dark alleyway, and Hide started to crack up all over again.

'Oh man! This is comedy gold. I can't stop laughing. Ahhh Kamii sama,' he giggled, putting his phone away, still hunched over laughing. He expected Kaneki to be angry again, maybe more flustered, what he wasn't prepared for was the sad smile that was gracing the man's features. It snapped him to his senses as his laughter died down for a second time. It was midnight and his friend was walking around in tight leather with a small bag. Why hadn't this set of warning bells in his head earlier, he didn't know. However, now his mind was racing as he came up with multiple possibilities for Kaneki being out of his apartment at this unholy hour. 'So,' he quipped as casually as he could manage, 'What you doing?' Kaneki's rainy eyes instantly shot away from his as he probably realized that Hide had caught on. Hide watched him chew the inside of his cheek for a while, probably pondering over his answer. 'I'm leaving,' he breathed finally. He could feel his eyebrows shooting up as his previous jovial mood was instantly replaced with the familiar helplessness and panic. 'Like a vacation?' he managed to keep a convincing smile on his face as he asked, feigning stupidity. Kaneki eyed him warily, his eyes looking more conflicted than before.

'I have to get away from here.' Hide gulped at the words, noticing instantly how Kaneki had danced around the initial question. He licked his lips wondering how to handle the situation. It felt like he was trying to get his friend to trust him all over again. The situation was extremely delicate and he needed to find a way to approach it without messing it up. He looked up into those smoky eyes and had to hold back a shiver.

'Too scared to ask for advice,

too proud to ask for help,

you tried fixing the problem on your own,

until the problem appeared too volatile.

I was here the entire time,

as I am still here even now,

and I can feel your shadow,

moving over her-'

'Me,' Kaneki interrupted, continuing softly 'Moving over me,

whispering up my spine.

I can feel you wishing for the simple things,' his gaze was looking through him as he recited the poem,

'Wishing only to wake up in your bed again,

Just wishing to re-start that day once more.'

Kaneki was staring at him with an unfathomable look in those big eyes and he seemed so lost, his expression so vulnerable and open that Hide didn't recognize the man as his best friend for a moment. His wanting to desperately to comfort him increased by tenfold and he leaned forward, touching the others face gently. Kaneki flinched but didn't pull away. Hide looked at the mask hanging around the other man's neck and then back up. It looked as if Kaneki was holding his breath.

'Kaneki, you've suffered for this long. You don't need that mask anymore.' The pale boy stiffened beneath him and a deafening silence descended upon the two. He wanted to move, to crack a joke but the air was too serious for any such thing. There was a desperate need for a response, a reply. A need for something, anything to break the pregnant silence that was affecting the blonde so considerably.

Kaneki looked down, at Hide's fingers, his long lashes almost concealing his sad eyes. Then slowly, he turned away, prying Hide's hand from his face with rough slender fingers, and started walking. For a few seconds Hide watched the ghost like figure disappearing slowly into the darkness of the alleyways and held his breath. Then he ran after his best friend.

They walked for what seemed like hours, Kaneki leading him through turn after turn of varying degrees of darkness. He wanted to catch up to his friend and talk but decided to trail behind him. After Hide's feet had started to ache, they finally exited into an open area, a place he recognized. He stared around in wonder at the efficient alleyway system and made a mental note to explore it in more detail later. For the time being his attention was occupied by the soft footsteps of the half ghoul in front of him. His eyes wandering over Kaneki's back, his hair blowing softly in the wind and his walk. He seemed more confident, wearier. Kaneki took a left and they were in their playground. Whether it was sentiment or instinct that had made Kaneki lead them here, Hide was glad for either. He felt his heart swell, a small smile tugging at his lips, as he recalled fond memories of the two friends goofing off in the very place. Funny how they ended back here on this fateful night.

Hide was left reminiscing as the pale boy settled on one of the swings, his hands clasped, the swing jerking lightly under his weight. After a few moments Hide sat beside him on another vacant swing, and almost instinctively started swinging. Before he knew it he was pushing himself harder, faster. It felt like too long since he had actually been on these. An annoying creaking sound followed him as he was propelled into the air and then back in his descent.

'I need to leave,' the hushed voice rang out over the sound of the rusting swings and he immediately stopped, his feet digging into the dirt.

'Kaneki-' he began desperately.

'I need to leave. I-I need to think. I can't handle being around here anymore,' he began jerkily, his voice breaking on more than one occasion. Now Hide's mind was racing, he struggled to come up with a likely solution to what his best friend had sprouted. A way to convince him that no, leaving wouldn't be the best solution. Keeping it all to himself wouldn't be good.

'Kaneki, you can't leave after just coming back!' He wanted to add the unsaid 'me' but he bit his tongue. His friend shot him a look and then away. 'I need to be alone.'

'Kaneki don't suffer alone. And plus, rabbits die when they get lonely, ya know!' he said, trying to sound enthusiastic. 'I-I'm really sorry Hide,' he stood up as he said that, leaving the bleached blonde to look up at him. He was going to leave- He was going to leave again. He could feel his world imploding as he watched his best friend abandoning him, walking away. Again.

'I know you like Touka,' he shouted out of desperation, nearly slapping himself for screeching something that was so obviously off limits. That caused Kaneki to pause. Relieved Hide rushed towards his best friend and embraced him without a second thought. He was engulfed by the familiar scent of coffee and the musty smell of books, combined with the alien smell of leather and whatever shampoo Kaneki was using. He leaned back to see Kaneki's surprised face smoothing itself into something more impassive.

'It's okay Kaneki, I know. I know you like Touka-chan.'

'What-? I-uh Yeah, Yeah I like… her,' the white haired man stuttered, reddening a little, looking towards the ground, scratching his chin unconsciously. Immediately the familiar gesture burned its way into Hide's mind and he stored that away in his mind for things he'd analyze later.

'It doesn't change anything between us you know. I can totally step aside and you can like ask her out or whatever. I mean you've known her way longer than I have. Plus, Touka and I weren't that serious, we were just bored. We're more like bros anyway,' Hide rambled, happy to have stopped his friend from doing something so unbearable. Too busy with his rambling he missed Kaneki's smile. 'I'm glad it doesn't change anything,' the snowy haired boy whispered softly and Hide couldn't stop the wide grin from gracing his own features. The relief made him rock on his feet and he wanted to burst from the happiness that had been set free within him.

'Let's go home Ken,' he replied just as softly, practically beaming at his best friend who shone in the moonlight. The smile on Kaneki's lips was the most reassuring thing he'd seen in a while.

'Yeah Hide, let's go home.'

Kaneki had barely made it through his door before practically falling on the sofa. He heard Hide reprimanding him and felt himself being pulled upwards. His eyes were bleary when he felt an almost floating sensation. All he knew was that he was tired. More so than he had been three days ago. Was he being rocked? He didn't care. He felt as if he had won a war that had been raging for years. It was a stupid way to view things but he was so satisfied and relaxed with the result of today. He wasn't going to be left alone. He would be able to stay with everyone.

With Hide.

He was hardly aware of the sensation of being lain into bed and gently covered with a warm blanket. All he knew was that he was drowning in the familiar sunny scent of his best friend.

When the blonde left his companion, a tender smile was on the white haired man's lips.

Hide lay awake in bed till the early hours of the morning, running through the events of the past night over and over in his head. He smiled upon the memory in general however he couldn't understand why Kaneki had touched his chin when he had confessed his feelings for Touka. He turned onto his side. He only touched his chin when he was speaking half-truths. Which meant he wasn't outright lying. To be perfectly fair, all the white haired man had uttered was a small 'Yeah, yeah I like her.' Maybe it was the meaning behind the yes? Maybe it was the meaning behind the feeling. He ran a hand through his hair. He had faltered at the 'her.' Did that hold any significance? He sighed. Of course it did. It was Kaneki, every little thing held significance. So maybe his assessment had been wrong. Flawed. Was Kaneki jealous? Obviously he was jealous, he groaned at his own stupidity.

The white haired man had shown discomfort at Touka and Hide being together. But then again, Hide recalled, he'd shown the same discomfort around Hide alone. Hadn't Kaneki bolted when Hide had arrived at Anteiku that day? Was it because he'd been scared of facing Hide? Was it because of Touka? He bit his lip, he really didn't understand what was going through Kaneki's head and it irked him to no end. He had evidently faltered at the 'her.' So maybe he didn't like her? He disliked her? Kaneki couldn't hate Touka, he definitely didn't. He had been able to be around her, work with her. He hadn't shown any dislike towards the woman. Which led Hide to come to the conclusion, that he did like someone. Just not Touka then. Who could it be? Someone close to Hide then evidently. The initial discomfort had started when he and Touka began dating. When he and Touka began dating…

When he and Touka began dating.

He bolted upright as the realization hit him like a brick in the face. Suddenly everything started to click into place.

The flinching at the contact, the discomfort, the running and avoiding him. It all made sense. He let out a shaky laugh at the epiphany he had just had. How blind could he have been?

If Kaneki didn't like Touka then it only left one person that he could like.

Kaneki liked Hide.

A.N: Yup, this is a shorter chapter but the flow guys, the flow.

I also smoothed over some bits in the previous chapter after constant persuasion from my amazing beta.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for the reviews, much appreciated.

Love,

-Ever