Animal crackers were an odd snack. They looked bland, tasted plain, felt coldly solid, and created the most obnoxious crunch as it sat in the mouth. And yet, Leni couldn't get enough of them. Sometimes she thought it was weird, but she enjoyed the certainty that came with eating those crackers. Every one was gonna give the same reasonable effect. They were a stable condition that gave her peace.

The question of why she needed peace was intangible and she'd rather not deal with it now.

Today was gonna be a normal day. School had gone by without incident and the afternoon seemed to be clear (after all, none of her siblings had snagged the crackers). She hadn't heard of anyone making plans that would have involved dragging her along. It was purely Leni's afternoon by her terms. One cracker at a time.

Eventually, the bag ran out of them. At first, Leni wasn't sure where to go from there. Without a plan, she sat at the kitchen table gazing off in the distance. There wasn't much to see aside from the papers stashed on the fridge's metal surface. Drawings from Lana and Lola, a spelling test Linky got an A on, a sheet that was practically painted black from all the tightly condensed numbers on it (most likely Lisa's work). Leni found them all lovely. She was glad to have such fun, interesting siblings.

"Lola no! Lana, crayons are not for walls!"

Leni's ear vibrated as it registered the floor scuffing, Lori's barking, and little high-pitched protests. Perhaps this wouldn't be so lonely after all. Her eyes watched as Lori hauled the twins (one in each hand) into the kitchen. Her face was tense, irritated. Lana and Lola were no better. The former was bouncing around, as if the only thing stopping her from exploring the world was her big sister's iron grip. The latter had her eyes clamped shut and her frown told volumes; she just didn't want to be in here at all.

"Okay," Lori said, her voice struggling to remain level amongst the pulling resistance, "it's time to eat and you're gonna have every last bite. Got it?"

As if getting them into the room wasn't enough, forcing the twins into the pair of baby boosters was literally jamming a square peg into a circle hole (or two pegs into one hole?). Leni sat silently as her big sister grabbed Lola with one arm while using the other to contain Lana. It was clear neither of them were hungry (much less craving for the cheap slop called baby food).

"Should I, like, help?" Leni asked, although her unsupported voice was mangled on its passage through the messy mash of childish uproars. By the time it reached Lori, it was little more than a vague murmuring sound.

"What?" Lori demanded, her powerful voice easily crossing the table in tact.

It became clear what was required of her.

"Want help?" Leni exclaimed, trying to shape her hands into a megaphone on top of her shouting.

"No! I got it!" Lori shot back as she finally wrangled Lola into the booster. Now with both her hands, getting the other Loud seated was easier.

With the twins making every noise imaginable, Leni had no interest (or need) to be in the kitchen. She got up and walked into the living room. For the most part, the space was empty (even the TV was off). However, Leni spotted the top of a blonde head peeking over the couch. Wrapping around, she saw her mother.

Rita's dreary eyes were shut and her arms were lazily sprawled across the couch. Resting on the vacant cushions were stacks of forms along with her cell phone. Leni had heard murmurs of "something to do" but no one had given her any specifics (it wasn't like she went up and asked). It was taking a toll on Lori, though, as she had been noticeably more active with caring for the younger siblings. And this wasn't the first time her mother was passed out in the middle of the afternoon. She wished she could help her mom and Lori out, (if only they'd ask for it). They worked so hard.

Leni's eyes fell on the papers scattered nearby. There were so many of them it was impossible to ignore. Besides, there wasn't a crime for learning more. And it was gonna let her help out.

She knelt down beside the arm, mindful to not wake up her parent. As she got closer, the black ink converged into coherent letters and figures. The first form she saw had "Royal Woods Senior High School" printed across the top with a paper clip snugged next to it. This was intriguing. Leni carefully snatched it and sat against the outer side of the couch. Holding it up, she read.

It was an interesting document, mostly filled with fancy words like "appeal", "early advancement", and "individual". Although there were some terms she was familiar with, "Lisa" and "Senior High School" didn't fit very well together. Near the bottom of the page was a handwritten excerpt. Judging by the small loopy handwriting, she presumed it was her mother's work.

"My daughter Lisa has shown extraordinary intelligence despite her young age. As the attached examination forms verify, Lisa can speak at an tenth grade level, read at a twelfth grade level, perform basic calculus problems, and has demonstrated an exceptional curiosity for learning in all subjects, especially science. I do not believe that Lisa would benefit from entering the traditional education program at age five; to wait several years to start kindergarten would be wasting intellectual talent. Therefore, I urge you to review this portfolio and consider enrolling Lisa at the Senior High School for the 2013-14 year."

Sure enough, Rita Loud's signature was below.

Still, even after finishing, Leni still felt confused. How was it that her mom knew so many big words, let alone use them on this piece of paper. Was she trying to confuse anyone that wanted to read what she had to say? As if that wasn't enough, there was Lisa possibly going to high school, the place where big kids on TV went to. Lisa wasn't big at all. She was so small, young, and huggable. Leni wished her baby sister would let her hug her. But now she was gonna be ahead of both her (and maybe Lori) in school. She wanted to learn more about this.

Leni slid the paper back into place before sifting through some of the others. A lot of them had labels from the Hospital and other non-school organizations. They were filled high numbers and even more words she didn't understand. The only thing she knew about them was that they had to do with Lisa and how smart she was. There were so many. Eventually, "Royal Woods Senior High School" appeared again. Perhaps this one would have had some easy words.

"After reviewing the portfolio, Lisa has demonstrated rapid intellectual development at a young age and an ability to handle the academic rigor of the curriculum, however I have reservations on enrolling her in the School for the upcoming year. Although I am certain she can manage the workload, enrolling Lisa directly to the Senior High School would pose challenges to her emotional and social development. Lisa needs to be a kid as much as she needs to learn; she needs to have fun, mature emotionally, and form connections with others her age in order to become a healthy, successful person.

The examination forms attached indicate that Lisa has difficulties controlling her emotions and socializing that are atypical among children her age. Understanding that Lisa has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, there are concerns regarding the Senior High School's ability to provide the necessary accommodations for her. If Lisa were to be enrolled, it would be costly to carry out an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) expansive enough to fulfill these extraordinary social and emotional needs. Furthermore, I do not believe this unusual program would be as effective in developing these aspects as the traditional educational system with a more incremental IEP to complement it.

For these reasons, I cannot recommend an early advancement for Lisa. If you have any further questions, please contact me."

So that was it? This was the result of her mom putting herself out there? That didn't feel like a happy ending. Lisa was pretty smart, after all.

Inspecting the date on the bottom, however, she noticed the form was filled out a month ago. Suddenly, the gears were turning again. Leni realized she had to learn more. She needed to know if there was a followup, a reason why her mom was napping even a month after that ordeal. She dug through some papers, easily encountering ones with more recent dates attached. They were filled with more complex vocabulary, interspersed with various handwriting styles (some of them were her mom's, others were her dad's, but many of them were either from someone else or from a computer). The trail was long, winding, and Leni couldn't keep track of the sequence.

As she scanned each one for a development she could wrap her head around, that question plagued her even more. Was Lisa gonna go to school with the big kids? Was that something she wanted? On one hand, she knew the baby was really smart (even if she didn't have time to share her knowledge) and thought it would be really cool if a baby got to start school early. But on the other hand, she has seen those shows about high school. Lori forced her to watch as the short, scrawny nerds became the targets of big mean bullies. If she or any of her siblings found out Lisa was getting teased at or beat up, she knew they would all be very upset.

"Are you really mocking Lisa's body?"

Leni shivered. She loved her baby sister so much and she was gonna protect her, no matter where she wound up. And Lisa looked so adorable (especially with those big glasses her parents got her). If those bullies couldn't see how cute her sister was, then that was their loss.

Before she could find another document, one of her arms got violently yanked. The sheer force from it would have knocked her flimsy body over, if not for the hand retaining its grip. Leni turned to see it was Lori pulling her away from the couch. Her frown told her she was not happy. She eventually found her feet as her sister dragged her into the kitchen.

"What do you need? Mom's sleeping," Lori whispered intensely. Leni was taken aback. She didn't realize how much the twins did a toll on her.

"I just, like-"

"Keep it down!" she exclaimed softly.

Just like that, Leni clamped her mouth shut. She hated it when Lori snapped like that, especially towards her. How was she supposed to know it was quiet time? It wasn't like there was a sign or warning. Indeed, she froze, not moving or talking at all.

Once Lori realized what was happening, she started rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Say what you're gonna say. Just do it quietly," Lori said under her breath. It was a good thing Leni picked that out.

Leni's eyes briefly darted to her still sleeping mom before turning back to her patient sister.

"I just wanted to see what all that stuff was," Leni whispered, pointing to the various papers scattered around the couch.

"Really..." Lori murmured, trying not to be heard. It baffles her that all those weeks of her care taking had gone unnoticed. She sighed, "Mom and Dad are trying to get Lisa into high school because she's really smart and stuff."

It was just as she thought. Leni figured that those big words weren't the obstacle she thought they were. Admittedly, she was a little proud of herself.

"I only wanted to know," Leni responded innocently.

"That doesn't mean you should be snooping around their stuff. Mom and Dad have been really stressed out lately because they've been talking to the school nonstop," Lori said firmly. Her eyes were like lasers, searing into her face. It stung, but Leni forced herself to keep looking at her sister. After all, she deserved it.

"But I wasn't trying to, like, wake her up," Leni replied.

Lori sighed again, warning her sister.

"Still," she said, clearly getting annoyed, "you shouldn't be messing up that stuff. Mom needs it and the last thing she needs is for a form to go missing."

"I wasn't gonna mess it up," Leni replied, a little annoyed, "I just wanted to see what it said."

"You don't need to read that stuff. I literally just told you everything you need to know," Lori shot back.

Again, she had no idea how she was supposed to know any of this. Leni began to wonder what Lori saw in this whole situation. She knew what she was doing, but how was it that Lori couldn't? In any case, Leni concluded it wasn't worth throwing a fit over; the last thing Lori needed was more nuisances.

"So, like, what do you want me to do?" Leni asked.

"I dunno," Lori said as she exhaled rather noisily, "go upstairs and check on Lisa...or go in your room and whatever."

And just like that, Lori strolled back into the kitchen where the two twins squabbled over childish things. It must have taken a lot of hard work to rein in those two. Lori was always so responsible, Leni thought.

Leni rolled up the stairs, using the brief time she had in the vicinity to peer in on the mess her mom was in. Mom was always fighting for her kids, Leni observed. Once the living room was out of sight, Leni tried her best to only keep her eyes forward. Lori and her Mom had their duties covered, so it was time for her to fulfill her's. She carefully took each step quietly, lest she disturb some concept of peace she had conceived on the second floor.

She creaked the nursery door open, slowly leaning her head through the growing space. However it quickly became obvious that the lights were on. Once more of the room became visible, it came to her attention that little Lisa was not in her crib. And once the door was fully open, Leni saw the baby sitting on the floor against the wall reading a big book.

Leni smiled seeing her sister in her comfort zone. She was so cute with that giant tome in her tiny hands, its hard covers acting as protection (much like her mother's arms cradling her). Most importantly, she looked fine. Sure she wasn't smiling from the content she was reading, however she wasn't crying, she didn't need a diaper change, and she wasn't hungry. Lisa was content just the way she was. What more could Leni do for her? Go on another long ramble about how "similar" they are? Get her to throw another tantrum and make her look bad in mom's eyes?

"Hi Lisa," Leni said instinctively. Thankfully, it came across as confident and joyful rather than nervous and wavering.

"What is it?" Lisa asked flatly, head deep in the ancient pages.

"Nothing," Leni said, still standing in the doorway. After last time, she wasn't gonna force her body upon the baby unless she got permission. Besides, there were other means of getting her message across. She grinned, "I just wanted to say that I love you."

"Okay."

Lisa turned to the next page while adjusting her thick black spectacles. From here, Leni thought they were a little big for Lisa's head. That's okay, though. Lisa was gonna grow into them with time (unlike some).

Not wanting to take any more risks, Leni slid out of the room, gently closing the door in front of her.

Well, that was it, Leni figured. That was the only "chore" she thought she could do. Now it was time to think outside the box.

Facing her left, she considered visiting Linky. Maybe he needed help with something. She took several steps and swung open the door, preparing her throat to give hearty 'Hi' to her special little brother. However there was no Linky on his bed. In fact, the room was empty. Taking a look around, she noticed that there were some stuff strewn about the floor, whether it was a shirt or a toy or one of his comic books. Should she do her brother a favor by cleaning his room?

Just then, she heard another door click open. Leni jerked back to see it was from the opposite end of the hall. And sure enough, emerging from the bathroom was none other than Lincoln himself.

"Hi Linky!" she exclaimed, forgetting about whoever else was in the House. The boy nearly jumped out of his skin from that sudden outburst. Even from the other side of the corridor, Leni saw the surprise present on his face.

"Oh hey Leni," he said as his feet finally secured their footing. Feeling it was appropriate for a conversation, her brother got closer to her, "What are you doing in my room?"

"I was gonna, like, clean your room," Leni said slowly. And to think that she was actually telling the truth.

Lincoln, however, looked at her genuinely confused. He stopped several feet before her and peered through the door.

"Why do you wanna do that?" he asked.

"Well," she said, darting her eyes. She thought she could go purely off her memory, but this nagging need yanked at her, as if someone were pulling her hair. It told her that she needed to double check, make sure she knew exactly what she was talking about, "I, uh," it was too much. She turned back to face the room. The stuff that she saw on the floor was still there, however was there really that much of a mess? She pondered before continuing, "wanted to help you clean all this stuff."

To add onto it, she awkwardly smiled and jerked her hand out to one imaginary point in that turf. Leni stared at her brother, hoping that he would understand, that he wouldn't get angry at her.

"It's fine. I can do it myself," Lincoln said as he tried to enter his own room. He pressed in his belly so that he could slip past her older sister, observing him in the act. All she could do was giggle.

"What are you doing?" he asked, "Why are you laughing?"

"You're so cute, Linky," she said between each guffaw. At this point, Lincoln was standing in the middle of his own messy room, not entirely sure what to make of this situation.

"I'm seven years old! Why do you keep using that name for me?" he asked. He started rubbing his arm. All he could think about was how warm his room felt.

"Because you're, like, always gonna be my little baby brother," Leni answered, smiling. She then strolled a few steps into the room before laughing again, "Aww! Your squishy cheeks are, like, blushing."

"What?!"

Panic washed over Lincoln's red face. The boy dashed to the nearest mirror to examine his glowing complexion. Seeing all that made Leni chuckle even more. Whenever Linky tried to be like a "man" and try to assert that he's not cute, that only makes him even cuter. He couldn't help it.

"Do you need a hug?" Leni asked, stretching her arms out.

"No!" Linky shouted as he jerked over to his sister. By now, his head was a giant tomato with a fluffy white bush on the top. Before Leni could have reacted, Linky nudged her out of the room and slammed the door, "I-I need to cool off! I know...I'll do some push ups!"

Guess it was time for the "manly man" to do his special thing. From the other side of the hard wooden door, she even heard some exaggerated gasps and chants about how he was building "super muscles" and "ripped abs". Linky was so silly, Leni thought.

Without a baby to tend to or a room to clean, Leni found herself back at where she started: in the hallway. What needed to be done? What was she able to achieve? Her eyes wandered around the cramped second floor in search of the answer. Of course, the first direction they went was up at the ceiling. She was immediately captivated by the hanging rope and the round handle at its end.

"The attic could use some cleaning."

And so her mind was set. Leni eagerly approached the handle and yanked it down. Sure enough, the wooden steps came tumbling down and dug into the plush carpet. She quickly examined her surroundings to make sure no one heard that swinging sound. Luckily, she didn't hear a "What was that" or "Leni". With that assurance on her side, she made her way up the steps as silently as she could.

In the time since she was last up there, the attic had accumulated at least another mountain's worth of antiques, whether they were old clothes or useless objects. Leni scanned the area, taking the time to assess what could have been within each stuffed garbage bag and dusty box. She tiptoed to various corners of the space trying to find something.

After all, as she kept telling herself, once she found the thing she was trying to look for, cleaning this museum would become a piece of pie (hopefully chocolate). Finding one of the corner pieces of a puzzle also had a nice ring to it.

Leni began opening individual boxes to examine their contents. The first one she came across had a thick film of dust running along the top. As she brushed it off, several pesky particles blew up into her nose, tickling it.

She used her hand to clamp her tightly squeezed face, fighting against every instinct to sneeze. It was a struggle that took her mind out of the whole ordeal. One sneeze and someone was gonna hear it, no questions asked. The sensation was overwhelming, rubbing violently against her nose, begging for some release. But in the end, it was Leni's willpower that won out. The tickling feeling subsided and once she took her hand away, she was back to normal. Now that was a close call.

Looking inside the box, she came across some books. Most of their covers had people on them, ones she didn't know. Across the bottom were not one, but two names. In any case, even Leni quickly realized this wasn't it. And so the search continued.

In a different part of the space was another cardboard box. It couldn't have been. Making a slow, awkward walk over to it, Leni reluctantly knelt down beside it and opened it. Inside were nine color-coded diaries. Her eyes widened as she remembered her and Lori having discovered them before. Upon seeing them, she stopped pretending that she wanted to clean this dump, that excuse fluttered away along with the dust.

"Maybe the answer is in here."

Leni reached in and pulled out the turquoise book. She turned to the first page, the same one she had read before (only now with an older set of eyes). She skimmed through the first few paragraphs as they summarized what she already knew, that the other Leni had died. She was familiar enough about that so that she could reflect upon it while keeping a dry face. She supposed that was somehow a sigh of maturity. However there was one point in the entry she didn't remember.

"Things have been black around the house. There have been days where I can't even get out of bed. I wanted to just curl up in a little ball and cry my life away, forget the whole world, and live in my head. But I knew I couldn't do that because Lori needed her mom.

And then there's Lynn. He tells me he's fine, but he's been moving a lot slower lately, as if he had one of those steel balls attached to his feet. Luckily, he doesn't act like that in front of the baby. He was still able to smile and play along with Lori when she was around. How he pulled that off was beyond me.

We hope that this will be for the best. Right, diary? I mean, once Leni comes, we'll be a family again. She may be taking a while, but that's okay. Better late than never, I guess."

Leni's eyes widened as her hands tightened their grip on the book. No. She didn't read that correctly. She was just mixing up sentences again. There had to be a much happier explanation for all that.

Just before she could dwell on this issue further, another thought barged into her mind. Luna. That must have had some nice content in there. It was happy and a lot easier to understand than that nonsense. Leni nodded to herself several times as she tried convincing herself of this notion. And then, committed to the action, she replaced the turquoise book with the purple one.

Skimming through that one, there wasn't anything substantial (or at least about her). The only exceptions were occasional references to behavior she recalled her mom telling her about. Although there were side glances about her not playing all that much, nothing in her mom's words showed any concern.

She then turned to the yellow book, which she figured would have more of what she was looking for. To think that she used cleaning as a pretense to come up here. Flipping the pages of the fourth book, Leni was startled by the number of anecdotes about herself (when it was supposed to be all about Luan).

"November 3, 2001

I don't understand what's happening with my little girl. Today, Leni spent the entire morning just sitting in a corner. I swear I didn't do it as punishment. I would never do such a thing!

Once I noticed she was still there, I was concerned. She was just sitting there, looking at nothing. I tried playing peek a boo with her, but she never moved. It's like I wasn't even there.

This isn't normal anymore. I have to take her to Dr. Tyson."

There was a strange feeling that came with reading something that was already known. Leni got a reassuring resolve from absorbing these descriptions, even though her parents had already told her all about them. Perhaps it was the medium, the tint of discovery that came with this diary. She felt like an archaeologist digging through old texts trying to discover the truth. Indeed, her mom jumped to life in these old pages with these innocent words.

After skimming through the rest of the yellow book, which documented the examinations leading up to the diagnosis, Leni still didn't feel satisfied. She wasn't sure why, but this topic especially fascinated her on this particular day. It was time to pull out the red book.

The fifth volume started off fairly normal (joyful even). Even though her mom backed off from references to Leni, she was still able to enjoy some of its early highlights. She thought it was cute to name Lynn after her very father and even the more normal baby stuff like the doctor visits and feeling kicks were refreshing. Time ceased to be important in this expedition for learning, especially as she stopped on one certain entry.

"February 22, 2003

Lynn came home today with some concerning news. When he started talking, it made me think that he got laid off. I mean, I know the company hasn't been doing well in recent months.

Well, it wasn't a lay off. It was a 25% pay cut. Not even he could hide his disappointment with his goofy puns.

We talked about it for a while and things aren't looking great right now. All we could do was worry that evening. How we're gonna pay the mortgage once we move to the new House. How we're gonna pay for all of Lynn Jr's expenses. How we're gonna pay Maddy.

After we finished, I called up Maddy and broke the news to her. She understood and even offered to lower her price, even if it she gets less money. It was really nice of her, but I don't that's fair to her. Nor is it fair for us. We'll find other ways of paying for it all, although things will be crunched up for a while.

I guess the best thing I could do is get a job so I can bring some extra cash home for us.

I guess it'll also be wise to not have any more babies. I love children and all, but right now it's hard to imagine having more than five and still have enough money leftover.

Well, thanks for listening, diary. Let's hope things get better."

And just like that, the game was over. Leni no longer pretended to be an archaeologist because she didn't want to learn anymore. There was nothing more to learn.

She didn't remember the family ever being poor or struggling. In her eyes, everything seemed perfectly normal with the cozy House and the sewing machine and her smartphone. Not only that, but her Mom never told her any of this. Her Mom never shared with her the stress she went through with raising any of them, let alone with Leni.

If reading those words on the page packed the punch they did, the things right before her eyes were preparing for an ambush. Even knowing that her mom now had a job and five kids came around after Lynn, Leni was still left shivering. How much of a burden did Linky have on the family? What about the other little kids that scrambled about the House, laughing away their carefree days?

What about herself?

If she didn't need Maddy in the first place, would her mom have used such strong language to express her feelings? Would that talk have even happened? Leni thought about her mom, who got up and went to the dentist's office to work (of course, she did take time off whenever another child was born). Even to this day, Rita still went there to make a living. To think that she was the reason her mom went to that job was scary, like looking down and not seeing a floor.

Leni got up and paced around the attic, trying to process all these new thoughts, debating with herself what all of this meant.

"Don't you get it? Your stupidity has destroyed your parents' happiness!"

She knew it was wrong to give in to such sentiment. Leni remembered all those times Lori or her mom or whoever else in the House said that they loved her, that they would do anything for her. Clearly, all of them meant it and that they really did love her.

Right?

Suddenly, she paused. Her eye caught something peculiar in the attic's corner. It was a black blob tucked behind some old boxes and bags. Leni felt connected to it, that she needed to approach that area. Perhaps it could teach her something else, something that would wipe away all this silliness. After all, she was stupid to think that her own mother hated her. That's what her hope was.

Leni moved towards it, pushing the hefty boxes that stood in the way. As she made the audible sliding sound, the bulge shifted. Eventually it turned and revealed pale white. The girl froze. She just stood between some boxes, feeling out of place.

"Lucy?"

By then, the "bulge" revealed her mouth and the black was unkempt clumps of hair, mixed in with dust. Leni thought that her sister needed a thorough grooming, something to make that hair of her's really pop. But now wasn't the time for such superficial objectives. Leni didn't matter at all right then. Lucy had to be everything.

"What are you, like, doing up here?" Leni asked as she made her way through the cluttered path. As she got closer, she noticed a black journal in her sister's hands. It didn't look anything like the ones in the box. This one had a skull on the cover and there were tons of blank pages.

"I want to show my feelings the only way I know how," Lucy said, her voice coarse as gravel. She then held up the journal, which had some verses written down, along with her black pen, "the paper is my soul and the ink is my blood."

"You're bleeding?!" Leni exclaimed. She rushed forward and tripped against some foreign object. She panicked as she tumbled, worried she would crash on her sister (who apparently was in pain). Luckily, she broke her fall by gripping one of the wooden beams that made up the roof. Leni gasped for air as her eyes fixated on Lucy below.

"Where does it hurt? Let me see it! I can make it all better," Leni cried, her voice rapidly losing control of volume and balance. All the while, she struggled to readjust her footing so she could slide down beside her sister.

Lucy, though, merely sighed.

"You don't get it," she said softly, no hint of physical pain to be heard, "I just wanna write poems, to share the thoughts in my head."

She then sighed again, this time loud enough for Leni to hear.

At this point, Leni just felt silly. There were no red splotches anywhere. No tears or trembling. The only one in distress was herself.

Finally getting her footing, Leni took a seat next to her sister and looked at her solemn face. Lucy's hair was so long, it even covered her eyes. Leni thought they were simply beautiful, which made this fashion decision all the more confusing. But rather than speaking up, she watched as her sister stared at the notebook. Didn't she say she was writing? Why wasn't she doing it?

"So, like, why are you here in the attic all by yourself?" Leni asked.

"Didn't you just ask that?"

Leni quickly realized her mistake. She was amazed by how quickly she forgot something so simple, especially when she was trying to be a good big sister. The burden then shifted to finding another question, one that would really prove that she was a good listener. However, that took up a lot of time and silence. And she was reminded of that fact by another sigh.

As Lucy sulked even more, she found herself picking up the pen and scribbling in her journal. Those pen strokes got Leni's gears turning. At last, her little sister had given her the help she needed to help her.

"What ya writing about?" Leni asked, putting on an encouraging smile.

"Loneliness, how some people don't have anyone else to turn to," Lucy said grimly.

That was something relatable. While she didn't put a somber tint to it, Leni supposed that people were always in search of companions, people to be in their corner even when they messed up. Helen was already a treasure to her (and she reminded herself that she should text her a little later). But in the meantime, this was all about Lucy.

"Did you wanna read what you got?" Leni asked, keeping that smile.

Lucy didn't speak. Leni hoped that it was only because she was finishing a thought that required her full concentration. But whatever that was, it sure took up a lot of time and ink. Lucy was glued to her notebook, vigorously writing in it while blocking out the world around her.

Meanwhile, Leni was left to wonder what it was. Was her sister just that invested in her work? If so, then she should have been proud of her for finding a passion at such a young age. But then again, it was cold out in the desolate fields of ignorance. Without a definitive answer, Leni was left to speculate what was going on. Perhaps her little sister was just shy and wanted to be alone a lot. In that case, why wasn't she doing more to help, especially given that she wasn't much of a talker either? She might have been sitting there with her sister now, but who knew what poor Lucy had to put up with beforehand. Poor Lucy might have been going through something awful and she wouldn't have known how to let others know.

And who's fault was that?

But even with the little girl in the room, Leni couldn't help but think of those diaries, those professors of truth. With those in mind, looking back up at Lucy was painful.

"You're lucky she's even alive right now, no thanks to you!"

It was a horrible burden to bear. Why couldn't she have just been better when it really mattered? Maybe her mother wouldn't have felt that awful then. Maybe Maddy wouldn't have been guilted into swallowing a pay cut. Maybe Lucy wouldn't have to live with the fear of "what if". Lucy was perfect. She didn't need that. Nor did Linky or Lana or Lola or even Lisa.

Even Lisa was perfect. At least she was using her gift to become smarter. Someday Leni knew her baby sister was gonna change the world. Suddenly, those calls to the school, those appeals paled in comparison. At least those didn't bank on life and death.

And Leni, of all people, should have known better. She shivered as she thought of that cursed paper that now sat in her drawer.

"For crying out loud, you're in the space where you stole that from!"

Leni took several deep breaths, mindful to keep the volume down. Luckily, Lucy was too deep in her important art to notice something so silly, so pointless. Lucy was perfect. She was gonna change the world.

And then Leni smiled and looked up at her busy sister. She thought briefly of all the stress her mom and Mrs. Boxer went through in the past. She then reflected on the stress her mom and Mrs. Lane now had to put up with (that everyone just had to unfairly tolerate). But no more.

"I'm gonna fix this. I'm gonna make sure nobody has to suffer for my actions anymore," she told herself as she watched her sister produce her silent masterpiece.