Chapter 6

'Touka, oh my God we need to talk!' He yelled, grabbing her arm and dragging her back to the stairway in her apartment complex. The fiery woman turned to him, looking ready to smash his face in. She probably would have if he hadn't looked so distraught. 'This better be real good brat,' she growled, tapping her foot impatiently. He could feel his breath catching as he realized the weight of what he was about to do hit him. Should he be discussing this with his girlfriend? Was that normal? Touka was casting him looks over his shoulder almost worriedly and momentarily forgetting his own problems he raised his eyebrows looking over his shoulder. 'Did I interrupt something?' he asked, struggling not to sound sarcastic. The girl looked like he'd killed a fly on her face or something, her lip curled into a scowl. 'Spit it out trash,' she spat, grabbing him by his collar. As she said that the indecision hit him again. Was this even okay? But who else could he discuss it with? Not with Takizawa, God forbid.

'Hey Seidou-san, my best friend from childhood, who is the S rated eye patch half ghoul has feelings for me. Any advice how to deal with that? I'm just concerned I'm not gay enough. Yeah, the ghoul part isn't a problem at all honestly.'

'Oi, Nagachika,' Touka snapped her fingers in his face snapping him from his odd thoughts. Oh yeah. He was supposed to be talking to Touka. About Kaneki. He gulped. 'You're freaking me out Hide,' she said, moving closer to him. He chewed on his lip uncertainly.

'Touka, Kaneki likes me.' He saw her eyebrows shoot up in confusion, a look of disdain in her eyes. She looked positively bored, her expression screaming so? 'And?' He looked away from her, his face heating up. She must not have understood. 'I mean Kaneki like likes me,' he spluttered, raising his eyes to hers. He expected her to explode in some sort of way, maybe look at least a little surprised but what he didn't expect was a half choked laugh. 'Yeah and? Did you hook up?' she asked, her hands now on her hips. He looked at her taken aback. Sure they both had been clear about their relationship not being too serious but wasn't Touka taking this too relaxed? It was evident that she had known about Kaneki's feelings way before him and that made him want to slap himself at his obliviousness even harder. 'We didn't hook up,' he screeched, earning a feral grin from her. 'Well then why are you telling me?'

Why was he telling her? She was the only one he could tell. This just happened to be something he couldn't figure out by himself. He needed Touka's advice, her opinion on the matter. 'Because I wanted to ask for a three way Touka-chan,' he sang, aiming to push the younger woman out of her comfort zone. There was an evident blush on her face but she just glared at him. 'In your dreams you dork.' He let out an exaggerated sigh, his mind still confused and in dire need of help. He needed to lay down his feelings and his facts and get them straight.

Kaneki was bi. Hide could be the same; however he might not have been yesterday. It was just so stupid. How could he have not seen this sooner? How could he have not known Kaneki's sexuality?! He was supposed to be his super inquisitive best friend. Who knew everything about the smaller man. However he had managed to completely turn a blind eye to his best friend's feelings. He was just so stupid. Groaning he hit his forehead with the heel of his hand. It was such an exasperating situation for him and he was devastated about the fact that he hadn't been able to identify something that was evidently so obvious.

Like seriously?! Touka knew. How could he not know? Guilt surged through him as he realized how much irritation and distress he must have put Kaneki through.

'I don't want to hurt him,' he said finally, staring at his hands. 'Then don't.' The reply was blunt, typical Touka. However it wasn't the sort of answer he was looking for.

He looked around him; the streets of Tokyo were starting to fill up in front of Touka's small apartment complex. None of the pedestrians paid any attention to the two teens. The scene was normal enough, Hide realized that. However the weight of the whole situation made him feel as if he stood out. Didn't people see that his best friend had feelings for him? Didn't they see that in his stupidity he hadn't noticed? Didn't they realize that he wanted to feel the same towards Kaneki but had no idea how to? 'I don't know how I feel though,' he stated at last, wanting to hit his head against the wall in his extreme uncertainty. 'Well you don't want to hurt him, that's some feeling right?' He rolled his eyes at the words that were bitingly sarcastic, however he was glad. She was right. There was that feeling. He was about to murmur something insightful when they were interrupted.

'Touka-chan!' A small voice had the two of them turning around to be greeted by a smaller girl; Touka's friend, Yorio or something. Hide was terrible at names. While Hide was a generally outgoing person, he was overjoyed at having the chance to interact with Touka's friend at this given time. While Touka had been helpful, this girl, this girl looked like she knew something about relationships. This girl could probably help him. He realized he had probably been staring when he heard her gentle greeting: 'Good morning Hide-kun.' Immediately he liked her. 'Morning!' Pity he didn't remember her name. 'Sorry I'm late Touka-chan, I bought some cakes on the way,' the girl glanced over at Hide, smiling knowingly, 'But its okay if you want to spend some time with Hide-kun.' The look Touka shot him made him aware of exactly what she thought of that idea. Not pleasant things, that's for sure. 'Its fine Yoriko, Hide was just leaving.' She glared daggers at him. This was his chance. As scary as Touka was, he needed help and he sure as hell wasn't leaving without a clear game plan.

'But Touka-chan what about Kaneki,' he whined, acting unfazed by her consistent glare. 'What abou-' 'Oh is Kaneki-kun alright?' Yoriko asked him, her expression concerned. Bingo. He tried not to grin as his plan played out exactly as he had wanted it to. 'Well it's complicated Yoriko-chan. I wouldn't want to ruin your time with Touka-chan,' he said, making sure to look as crestfallen as possible while maintaining a smile. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but it wasn't like he had no other choice. He did need help. Especially when it came to Kaneki. 'Oh, not at all Hide-kun. We'll help you, right Touka-chan?'

The fierce glower he got from 'Touka-chan' was terrifying enough to make him run the other way.

'Right, Yoriko.'

He grinned.

'So Kaneki-kun loves you?' The innocent 'l' word made him freeze up, heat shooting to his face. Touka spluttered out her coffee, spraying the liquid all over him as she laughed. 'He doesn't l-love me,' Hide sputtered unfazed by Touka's reaction. He continued over the girl's wild laughter. 'He probably just likes me like a crush. Maybe it's a mating thing. With Rize's organs in him he probably has a weird ghoul thing right? I mean do female ghouls go into heat? Is Kaneki in heat? You think all of this is about sex? I'm so confused.' He was rambling so much that he hadn't noticed that Touka had stopped laughing and looked like she wanted to hit him; Yoriko was staring at him with unblinking surprise. What? He wanted to ask. The realization hit him too late and he wanted to clamp his hands over his mouth in shock. 'D-did I say ghoul. I meant fool. Like gosh Kaneki is such a fool. A horny fool probably. Hahaha, imagine Kaneki- a ghoul. Funny. Too funny,' he was trying too hard; the cat was out of the bag. He'd messed up. A stagnant silent hung over them when Yoriko's nervous laughter fluttered out. 'Well that explains a lot,' she said, still smiling. The muscles in his shoulders felt taut. He may or may not have to deal with the small girl now. It looked like Touka wanted to murder him. He didn't blame her. He'd been an idiot. He was chewing his lip, small beads of sweat starting to materialize on his forehead.

'Relax, Touka told me Hide-kun,' those words slowly settled into his mind and he felt like all the tension that had blown up into him was slowly leaving his system, leaving him with a sort of adrenaline crash. He was visibly deflating with relief. 'Oh thank God. I thought Touka-chan was going to kill me,' he gasped, sitting back up. Touka rolled her eyes, 'I still want to murder you.'

'Awww Touka-chan, you're making me blush.' The violet haired girl rolled her eyes again. 'Now answer my questions.' He said recovering himself as quickly as he could.

'He's not going through heat Hide,' she retorted, her face flushing a dark shade. 'Then what does he want? Why does he like me?!' It was frustrating really, he just wanted to know. He wanted to figure out what was going on in his surprisingly dramatic life. It felt like a shoujo manga lately.

'Hide-kun, he doesn't want anything. I'm sure he wants to be with you but he probably wants you to be happy more than anything,' Yoriko said passionately, leaning forward, causing him to do the same.

'I want him to be happy but I don't know if I'm like-' he stuttered at the word, 'gay.'

Touka muttered a quiet 'Right.' He shot her a look and she smirked at him causing an uncomfortable feeling to build within him.

It was becoming so increasingly difficult for him. He had been so utterly thrown off by Kaneki's feelings for him- it wasn't that he felt repulsed; it was more of confusion. He was confused about his feelings for the white haired man. He wanted to understand the difference between the platonic feeling and the romantic feeling. Sure you could hold hands and kiss and stuff but to be honest some really close friends could do the same platonically. He held Kaneki's hand all the time. He touched him almost carelessly, and now this situation was just stirring up confusion. The line between the romantic and platonic was horribly blurred, especially when it came to best friends. He would do anything for Kaneki, but he wasn't sure if that meant in a romantic way. He just really didn't understand the huge difference. He didn't understand anything at that moment. He was grateful that his friend felt so much for him, but at the same time he didn't want to hurt Kaneki.

'Well then test the waters.' The suggestion was thrown out by Yoriko casually enough but it had caused his mind to start racing. That was it. He had a plan. He knew what he was doing.

He beamed at the two girls sitting across from him, startling them.

It was time to put his plan into action.

It had started off with holding hands.

They'd been sitting as they usually did, Kaneki and him watching a movie. A horror movie. Not a cheesy outdated movie, but a genuine American horror movie that Hide had rented out. They had the subtitles on of course, just in case the English got too complicated. However there probably wasn't any need for that. They sat in companionable silence, both entranced as the story unfolded before them. However more than the movie Hide was concentrating on Kaneki. He was watching the intense pair of grey eyes that were glued to the screen and he could almost see the mixture of interest and anxiety in them. He felt his lips quirking up into a smile at the expression and turned back to the screen. He supposed that Kaneki was indeed not bad looking at all. He was cute. He felt his eyes trailing back to his friend and felt that he couldn't stop looking. The small dent that had appeared between those snowy brows and the way he was biting his lip in anticipation. It was quite entrancing.

Yet he couldn't be sure that if that feeling was only there because he cared for Kaneki so much or if it was there because he like liked Kaneki. Platonic or romantic once again.

'Hide, you okay?'

He focused back into reality and smiled goofily at Kaneki.

'Yeah, yeah, just thinking.'

The pale man rolled his eyes, muttering something about him being weird and turned back to the movie. For a few minutes Hide followed his lead and tried to get into the movie. He really did.

Hide found himself staring at his companion and contemplating. Being like this with Kaneki was sending flutters through him, he realized. You're supposed to get flutters when it's romantic right? He wasn't even touching Kaneki though. A scream echoed from the TV and Kaneki jumped a little, murmuring a small sorry.

The blonde grinned. This was his chance. He carefully put his hand on Kaneki's. He could feel his heart beat speed up. The other's hand was cold as ice underneath his warm one.

Kaneki gave no sign of acknowledgement at Hide's gesture. This convinced him to make a further move. He entwined his fingers with Kaneki's paler ones, his heart beating loudly in his ears. This time Kaneki did acknowledge it. He turned slowly to Hide, the palest pink dusting his cheeks. Hide grinned back toothily, wiggling his eyebrows at him.

'Hide,' the man's voice sounded weak.

'Kaneki?'

'Wha-'

The woman in the movie started screaming, causing the two of them to turn back to the screen. Their hands still linked.

Much to Hide's surprise, or expectation; he didn't mind it at all.

Then it was small, lingering touches.

He yawned, practically drooped over the kitchen counter and watched his friend making coffee. While Hide was a morning person, he was exhausted after last night. He needed at least eight hours of sleep to act like a fully functioning human; however staying up late to study hadn't been one of his brighter ideas. A pale hand placed a cup in front of him gently and he heard the scuffling of a chair and looked up to see his friend sipping coffee, reading over notes with a serene expression on his face. He was noticing a lot of things these days about his friend.

Today it just happened to be the other's skin.

It was like porcelain. Secretly Hide thought Kaneki looked like an odd little perfect china doll. 'Do you use face cream?' he hadn't been able to stop that thought from bubbling its way to the surface. Kaneki looked up at him in surprise, 'Uh- I don't think so.' Those grey eyes were running over Hide's face as if to find the answer to why he'd been asked such an odd question, his fingers scratching his pale cheek abashedly. 'Really? You look like you have seriously smooth skin.' Again a stray thought. He wanted to smack himself.

Kaneki reddened. 'Thank y-' He stiffened under Hide's finger, which was trailing down his cheek. That had been a sudden move on Hide's part, as he had leaned forward over the small counter, his hand outstretched. Kaneki looked positively stupefied. If it had been any other moment Hide would have ungraciously snickered at his friend's predicament. He bit his lip as he realized that not only did he enjoy the feel of the smooth skin beneath his finger, but he also liked the fact that it was his actions that were causing the white haired man to blush like he was at that instant.

'Woah! It really is as smooth as it looks,' Hide laughed easily, trying to dispel the tension in the air. It worked instantly as Kaneki groaned about the importance of studying, swatted Hide's hand away and returned to his notes.

Little did he know, in his relieved state, that Hide could see the redness that stained his skin for the next hour.

His finger wandered down the others neck and the paler boy instantly froze beneath him. They were standing in Hide's small kitchen and ironically enough the white haired man was doing the cooking while the blonde watched him working. His skin was always so cold Hide noted unconsciously.

Kaneki inhaled shakily and turned back to Hide, his expression flustered. Hide wanted to smirk at him but for some odd reason he couldn't take his eyes off Kaneki's flushed complexion. Beauticians must seriously love his best friend.

'Hide?' there was a clear waver to Kaneki's voice. Hide did grin this time, it felt almost forced. It wasn't that he didn't want to smile, he did, however the atmosphere just felt more… ugh.

'You have flour on your neck,' the honey eyed man explained, raising his eyebrows as if to prove the innocence of his actions. The pale haired man's flush started to die down and Hide realized that for some sick twisted reason probably he didn't want that. Just when Kaneki was about to turn back around, after having rubbed his neck, the bleached blonde lifted his hand to the same spot. He dragged his finger down his friend's neck, rubbing a little to once again justify his actions. He didn't want Kaneki to think he was trying to feel him up. Or did he? He was pretty confused. His finger fluttered down to the others collar bone and he was now almost pressed against his smaller friend. His breath was on the others neck. He heard his friend's quiet gasp and then saw the redness that had crept up the others neck. Was he enjoying this?

'Hide, as much as the flour may be bothering you, I have a shift soon. Let me cook.'

He sounded breathless and annoyed.

'Sure thing, Neki.'

Hide grinned, leaning back against the counter.

That hadn't felt bad at all.

Hide had been getting really… Close.

Literally.

It was frustrating Kaneki to no end. He was obviously doing his best to casually get along with his friend, avoid the constant contact the blonde was so avidly making, not react to it. However, it was easier said than done. The touches had started off casual enough, Hide had always been a physical person, making contact non-stop, but that hadn't been so… intimate. Calculated. Now the contact felt measured. As if Hide was doing it for a reason.

To rile him up, Kaneki supposed. Either way it was driving him crazy.

Every time he felt those fingers on his skin, he wanted more. He wanted to kiss Hide. He just wanted Hide.

But that wasn't it. He didn't just want Hide. He wanted to be with Hide.

Then he'd catch himself thinking these things and a wave of self loathing would wash over him. It was driving him insane.

It felt like he was losing his mind.

He sighed, turning back to his assignment.

Even his half-hearted answers made more sense then his awful attraction.

'And I was like "Yeah?! Well watch me!" Then I ate the whole cake,' Hide explained, groaning dramatically, lying on Kaneki's sofa with a pained expression.

'Hide, you're a university student, you shouldn't be pulling stupid stunts like that,' Kaneki scolded him quietly, throwing a blanket over him. Hide grinned at the gesture and then grimaced at the pain in stomach and closed his eyes. 'Hey, it would've been weak to refuse.' He could almost hear Kaneki rolling his eyes as the he settled at the foot of the sofa with a book probably. Opening one eye he glanced at Kaneki, who just happened to be looking at him. Shamelessly Hide raised his eyebrows at him. 'Like what you see?' the blonde asked, putting his arms behind his heads suggestively. Kaneki reddened; it was so easy to make him blush. 'Yes Hide, your appalling eating habits are a huge turn on.' The sarcasm was so refreshing coming from the white haired man that it caused Hide to burst out laughing and soon Kaneki joined him. 'If this relationship was just about the sex Ken then you could've spared me.'

'Shut up Hide.'

He chuckled getting more comfortable. He was about to dose off when he had one of his ideas. Slowly opening his eyes he studied his friend who was now concentrating on the book in his hands.

'Hey Ken~' he sang, pressing his arm to his aching stomach. Kaneki looked at him, slightly aggravated at being interrupted yet again. 'Yes Hide?' The atmosphere was light in the small apartment, the air smelling more like air-freshener than coffee today. He shrugged off the thought and turned back to his friend who was eyeing him distrustfully. 'Let me lie on your lap.' The words had barely left Hide's mouth when Kaneki turned to him looking horrified. He knew he should have probably respected that horrified expression and what not but it wasn't good of Kaneki to get so embarrassed. 'Hide?' The blonde moved from under the blanket and practically fell on the silver haired boy's lap sighing dramatically. It wasn't as uncomfortable as he thought it would be. On the contraire it was warm, relaxing. 'Stroke my hair,' he commanded, grinning at Kaneki. The pale man was practically on fire at the moment, he looked like a snow covered tomato. The mental comparison was making Hide crack up as he appreciated his internal humour. Gosh, he really was funny. Ignoring Kaneki's protests he closed his eyes expectantly. He knew his friend would grudgingly comply.

He was right. Well he hoped he was. Hide had been at the brink of dosing off when he felt hesitant fingers on his head, running through his locks softly.

It didn't feel bad.

Keeping his eyes closed, Hide struggled not to smile.

The bleached blonde stared into his mug of coffee in an absent minded manner. It wasn't hard for Touka to guess where his thoughts were. He knew she could see right through him when it came to him and Kaneki's rather odd situation. They were sitting in her small apartment while Yoriko, or as he had dubbed her, Cooking Goddess Yoriko, hummed to herself in the kitchen. They had all gathered today to discuss Hide's feelings so far. He had been exceptionally frightened by the invitation at first, his mind wondering what he had possibly done to offend Touka. It had been even more worrying when his mind had come up blank. Later on Yoriko had personally explained to him that it was just to help him with his situation. Which was a most likely a gentle way of saying that they wanted juicy gossip.

'So have you hooked up yet?' Touka asked, eyeing him as he lay sprawled over her small table. He snorted and then proceeded to groan at the easy question. 'Isn't that a weird thing to say to your boyfriend Touka-chan?' 'Oi, stop avoiding the topic!' He bit his lip, sitting up slowly, resting his face on his hand. She was right. He was avoiding the subject. It wasn't because he felt uncomfortable or anything, it was just that he didn't know what to say. More than saying though, he had no idea how he felt. He had constantly thought over it and had come to the conclusion that he may have been unhealthily addicted to Kaneki.

He may just have enjoyed the constant reactions he got from his best friend. Maybe he simply found Kaneki interesting and thus wanted to seek out that spark of excitement; the adrenaline rush he got from the intimate contact. That was what he was most afraid of though.

Using Kaneki.

Hurting Kaneki.

No amount of excitement or spark or generally anything would be worth hurting Kaneki.

'We haven't hooked up,' he said resignedly, just as Yoriko walked towards them with a small platter of food for the two humans. She had brought coffee for them too. Probably so Touka wouldn't feel left out. He smiled as the small girl placed food in front of the duo and sat down beside the violet haired girl. 'I think he's getting better though. I mean he's sleeping. He's not distant or freaking out. It's all because he thinks that I think that he likes you,' he told Touka, picking up a cupcake and licking the icing. She glared at him in disgust. 'How stupid were you to come to that conclusion?'

He laughed at her: 'Just your average handsome idiot Touka-chan,' the violet eyed woman instantly scoffed at his reply. He rolled his eyes at her and continued to inhale the rest of his heavenly cupcake. She watched him for a few seconds and then raising her cup of coffee to her lips hummed in pleasure at the taste.

'Hide-kun, have you decided if you like Kaneki-kun yet?' the orange haired girl asked intently, breaking the amiable silence. He licked his lips at the question, lifting the cup and sipping the coffee. It was good, but nowhere nearly as good as Kaneki's. 'Nah, I'm still lost.' He said casually, leaning back on his arm, after putting his cup aside. Touka's eyebrows furrowed at his response and she put her cup down on the table with a loud thud, causing Hide to start. It was never a good idea to piss her off, even if you had no idea what you did to piss her off in the first place. 'Let me get this straight,' she started, and the blonde nodded at her to continue, 'You have been molesting Kaneki for three days straight and still have no idea how you feel?' He could feel his face heating at Touka's brashness and gulped. 'I'm not molesting him and I'm getting to the feelings. It takes time to build right?'

'You've been with the guy for what, thirteen years?!' she lifted her drink, staring at him with raised eyebrows and he grimaced. 'Yeah, but that wasn't romantic.' Touka let out a small 'huh' and then silence descended upon the trio quickly. There was the ticking of the clock behind him and he closed his eyes trying to figure out what he was doing with his life other than living it out like a shoujo manga. He didn't mind too much, but he didn't like being confused. He liked clear cut answers. Not confused feelings like the ones he was feeling in his circumstance.

'Keep trying Hide-kun!' Yoriko said breaking the silence, and nodding at him intently.

He blinked at the girl and then nodded back at her, once again finding resolve in her words.

That's exactly what he'd do.

'Shh, it's okay Neki, breathe. It's okay, deep breaths.'

Kaneki blinked, his throat hoarse, his limbs sore, feeling a mixture of relieved and startled to find himself in Hide's apartment. His eyes shot open, most traces of sleep disappearing, as he tried to get his bearings, shivering a little. His clothes were clinging to him with sweat, and similarly his hair was matted to his forehead.

Oh yeah.

He and Hide were having a sleepover. He'd fallen asleep before the other boy because he'd been exhausted after his long day at university and work. They'd been watching the usual odd movie and he had dozed off.

Biting his lip he realized what had happened, an uneasy twisting feeling surfacing in his stomach. He felt as if someone had their hands around his throat, his mind incoherent and distorted, trying to grab a hold of the situation.

He'd only agreed to stay with Hide because he'd been sure that his nightmares had stopped. He'd been sure he wouldn't have another one of those. He hadn't had one for so long. Yet a few moments ago he'd been chained to a chair, his body wet, torn, covered with blood and sweat with additional centipedes trailing their long, ticklish and painful legs over- He shook his head trying to burn the memory from his mind, shivering violently. That's when he began to register the warmth pressed against him.

'H-Hide?' His throat hurt.

The amber eyed boy moved back from him, his eyes running over Kaneki worriedly, a lopsided smile on his bright face. 'You were having a bad dream. You started screaming and stuff, so...' The blonde scratched his cheek nervously, looking at Kaneki, still grinning. Kaneki swallowed, trying to stop his still scared racing mind. He had only half heard Hide's words. He'd been more focused in looking around and finding any extremely dark corners. Maybe someone was hiding there, maybe something dangerous was there. Worst of all the more he was thinking about this, the more he felt small legs on his skin. It was driving him to paranoia. However, when after a few moments he didn't reply, Hide embraced him once more.

The blonde pushed him back onto the bed and pressed himself on top of Kaneki, his chest pressed against Kaneki's. A flutter went through Kaneki as he was half pinned to the bed and he heard a small laugh from the other man. As Hide settled more comfortably with (on) Kaneki, the pale man focused on calming down. He hated that the after effects of a dream could affect him so badly.

He felt so guilty that he had ruined Hide's time. Chewing his lip he stared at the ceiling when he was interrupted by Hide's impatient grunt.

'Oi Ken, you better not be thinking emo things! Just try to sleep again!'

Easier said than done. He settled quietly, taking in the soothing smell and warmth of his best friend as a means of familiarity and comfort.

He could hear the blonde's heartbeat and slowly, slowly. Slowly- it started to affect him. Bringing his heartbeat down to a more normal rhythm.

Even slower he came to process the fact that Hide was on top of him and he flushed almost instantly. With the bitter after taste of the violent nightmare barely lingering he was now focused on the close contact.

He realized his fingers were twitching with the need to touch Hide. Wrap his arms around him. If he moved his head a little, his forehead would be flush with the other and he could-

He couldn't, he shouldn't and he would most definitely not.

He needed to protect Hide. Not sex up Hide.

'Hide?' he tried, nudging at the blonde. There was no response, and after a few more tries the blonde was still splayed over Kaneki. Much to the white haired boy's horror Hide was asleep. The soft snores from the blonde confirmed his worst suspicions and he sighed defeatedly.

Hide was asleep on his chest. Kaneki sighed in a defeated manner and prepared to spend the longest night of his life.

The frustration and want making him twitch uneasily.

They were sitting in a secluded park, on a bench. The scene was normal enough, Kaneki was reading a book with the blonde listening to music. However the oddity in the situation was that Hide was clinging to Kaneki. Not hugging. Clinging. His blonde hair was buried in the white haired man's shoulder, with stray strands tickling his neck. His arms were around the other's sweater clad body.

Through this whole ordeal Kaneki was doing his best to breathe. Through his mouth. Through his nose. Inhale. Exhale. He was trying to go through a mental mantra which didn't involve him cracking his knuckles or counting back in sevens. Either way, Hide was making him shake with pent up frustration and nerves. The contact was now getting out of hand.

The small touches, the hugs, the holding hands, it was driving him over the edge. Not only that though. He just couldn't catch a break. Hide was everywhere. He was always over at his apartment or dragging Kaneki to his own. This left Kaneki with next to no time to himself. He hadn't been able to unwind with a nice book for what felt like eons. Every time he tried to he felt the other man somehow glue themselves to him. An example being now.

It wasn't that Kaneki didn't like the close contact. He did. Too much. That made him guilty, seeing as Hide obviously had no implications of ever returning Kaneki's feelings. Not that he was aware of them- Hide still thought Kaneki liked Touka. This made the touches even more infuriating. His friend was touching him solely with a casual, friendly interest and it was doing so much to him. He wanted to return the contact, but he wanted to return it twice fold. He wanted to show Hide how he felt, but he knew he never would be able too. However these small touches were acting like a small hope for him and it was making him come to terms with the fact that he was seriously reaching a cracking point. He knew Hide wasn't teasing him, but that was what it felt like. As if someone was waving something you had wanted for so long in front of your face and then throwing it away. It was aggravating to no end.

The blonde tightened his grip around him, loudly taking in a deep breath, his nose grazing the pale neck. Kaneki jolted as if he had been electrocuted and put down his book, clenching his hands together.

'Hide,' he managed.

'Ken?'

'What are you doing?' He was gnashing his teeth when the other's nose slid down his neck, making him shiver painfully obviously, his stomach doing back flips.

'I'm cold,' the honey eyed boy said playfully, his breath grazing the others skin. That did it. Kaneki pried Hide's hands from himself and shoved Hide back a little. 'Its summer Hide!' he was shaking from the simple maddening feeling of being touched as well as the simmering anger from not getting what he wanted.

It wasn't fair, he decided. It wasn't.

The blonde grinned at the response, leaning close to Kaneki and pressing his lips to his paler companion's cheek. Kaneki could feel his breath hitching at the feeling. The things that soft, subtle, innocent touch was making him feel. He bit his lip, his heart twisting with the need to return Hide's gesture. He knew he couldn't. Hide wasn't being fair.

It wasn't fair.

He was so tired of being so attached to Hide, he was so tired of being played around with. He was just tired. Tired. The more rational part of his brain was trying to convince him that Hide wasn't messing around with him but he pushed that thought down. He wanted Hide. He really, really wanted Hide.

But Hide would never want him. He would always be this odd burden on Hide. He would. Just like these feelings were a burden on him. It wasn't fair though. He felt no relief around Hide. Even with the others kindness and compassion.

It just wasn't enough.

He wanted more.

Hide wasn't being fair.

Startled, he found himself on his feet, his hands pushed to his sides, his lips pressed into a thin line. Hide was looking up at him, a confused expression on his face. He cocked a brown eyebrow as if to ask 'What's wrong?'

You.

Everything.

'This isn't fair Hide.'

With those four words the white haired man was gone, leaving his bewildered friend and an unfinished book in his wake.

A/N: Sorry for the slow update guys but seriously I'm going all out working on this fic. I hope you guys like it so far.

The poem in the previous chapter is called 'The whispers of a troubled spirit.' I felt it really fitted.

Wow, only two more chapters left of this and I am excited to finish it (And a little sad).

Once again thank you for the reviews and favourites, they're much appreciated.

Love,

Ever