Fangirl44 – Finn and Whitney are not to be trusted! Poor Shelby – she has a tough road ahead of her. Thank you for reviewing my story.
Gleeauthor11 – Thank you so much for your review too! I am glad you are spreading my story!
Random Dice – Spike - Thank you for reviewing. Sorry the story is stirring up painful memories for you. I appreciate you reading even though this was painful for you.
Renata – I am sorry to hear that your cousin was bullied but I am happy that she is in a new school. Unfortunately even here in the States there are some teachers that let this behavior continue. Never apologize for the length of your reviews – I love any reviews! I hope this update was in time for your Birthday but if not Happy Birthday!
TieMeDownToYourSoul – Quinn has been through a whole lot and she is unfortunately going to continue to have flashbacks that are heartwrenching. Well Finn is not going to die anytime soon but I think if the kids band together they will give Finn what he deserves. Thank you for loving my story and reviewing. Reviews make me very happy and keep me going.
internationalgleek786 – Thank you so much for reviewing. These chapters are a bit intense to write and I like to get it right before posting. I am happy that you enjoy my other stories as well.
amandaes417 – Thank you so much not only for the review but also your kind words for the effort that I put into each chapter. It is not easy writing those scenes and I always hope I get it right – everyone has been through so much it has to be done correctly.
SparkleInTheSun – Thanks for the review – sometimes the length of the chapters surprise even me. Thank you for continuing to read. Mr. Schue may get creepier though
RainbowGleek – Thank you for the review – there are a couple more peaks and valleys for these kids but things are going to get better soon. Shelby is strong and so is her support so the kids will find the right way.
M4A3E8 76W – Shanking Russell in prison would be too nice to him! The administrators have not seen the last of Shelby that is for sure. Thank you for reviewing.
SuzQQ – I think you will continue to like Bear and Joey – they are able to step back and view with a little more objectivity than Shelby but they help Shelby and the kids tremendously. San and Quinn will continue to grow I promise. Rachel sometimes has to learn from her mistakes but she has a lot of support so … Thank you for your review as always.
Tcathing – Thank you for your review. Brittany is wonderful but San has to let her allow herself to let Brittany be wonderful. Rachel will be starting back to therapy soon. Shelby will see that she is remembering more so it essential for her to grow.
hersheysforever – Holy heck I really loved your review! Thank you!
piecesofyourheart – oh no, I have upset you – hold the torture until we sort everything out and then I wont stop you from doing to any of the nasty people in this story. Thank you for being so passionate while reading my story. I loved the review.
Gleek1990 – Shelby is going to let several of the school board remember her name before she is finished. They won't know what hit them. Santana and Quinn will continue to bond but they may still have their rough patches. Thanks for the review.
sillystarshine – I am sorry I depressed you so much with this chapter. It is tough to read and I understand why people may just want to skim through the rough parts. They are needed though so everyone can get an idea of where these kids come from and why they are like they are – thanks for the review.
anyonebutpatrick – you are right when you said it was the tip of the iceberg. You are very good at reading the subtle things in the story. Not sure about the other geeks making an appearance – we will see – Thank you for your lengthy review I enjoyed it!
Bueller – Quinn and Santana bonding will continue but it will be slow – these tough girls can't change overnight. Thanks for reviewing.
marinka4 – People will get better I promise. But it may not be too quickly because that wouldn't be realistic. Thank you for sticking with the story and your review.
btvscharmedgirl – Well you are correct - Will is an ass. Thanks for reviewing
ArmyOfWuh – Thank you for your kind words. The flashbacks reveal only some of what happened to these kids. More and more will come out for everyone – Quinn's father is still in prison and hasn't been tried yet so her situation will come to light more and it is sure to stir up memories with the other kids.
Elphaba Tropp Menzel – Not a Schuester fan I see – thanks for reviewing.
Ryoko05 – You'll have to see if Kurt talks to one of the Corcoran kids – the problem is they are all grounded so he has limited access to talking with them. Thanks for the review.
Stacey – hold on he may get creepier. Thanks for reviewing!
OTHangels – I loved your review! Thank you
Rogue-Z – You have to see what happens – remember though there many peaks and valleys to this story so I hope you will ride the wave with me. Thanks for the review.
Ajunebuga – we shall see but it sure was a crappy comment to make to poor Rachel – Thanks for reviewing!
FacingFuture – you are right – Shelby needs to have actually 4 sex talks. One together and 3 separate because they all look at sex completely differently. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes. The school has not heard the last from Shelby Corcoran – trust me. And who doesn't love a strong Brittany! We shall see what will happen to Shitney and Finn! Thank you for taking the time to review.
dreamchaser888 – Thank you for your thoughtful and kind words. They will continue to grow as a family. The kids may be a little messed up but they will learn from it – I promise you.
Kimberlli – I am so happy that you love this story. I try so hard to make sure that I get the right emotions and support so my readers can feel what these characters are going through or went through – thank you for reviewing.
Stepheyy – I am sorry that this story is hitting so close to home for you. Shelby is strong – but please remember that in the end this is a story and things can happen much differently in fiction. Real life is much tougher – I hope that your Godchildren get the support, love and encouragement that every child needs and deserves to grow in this world. I also hope that your cousin too find their way. Thank you for reviewing the story.
w1cked- Thank you for your beautiful words. Please don't get in trouble for reading this while at work! I am glad you liked it. The flashbacks are pretty tough but you need to know where the characters come from and how they became who they are today. Thank you for reviewing I hope to not disappoint you.
LebaneseForNayaRivera – Well if you love angst – then you will probably love the upcoming chapters because as much as they are starting to heal there is still so much more that they need to do before healing completely. Shitney and Finn will not be killed but hopefully they learn from their indiscretions as well. Thank you for reviewing!
hpfan96 – I am honored by your words! Thank you for reviewing my story. Reviews keep me on my toes and let me know there a people out there that really want to read my story.
NayaFan – Wow – thank you NayaFan! I do enjoy writing this story but when I get reviews – it makes it more worthwhile. But when I get reviews like yours it really makes my day! You are correct about the girls having a warped sense of sex that Shelby is going to have to address with the both of them. When I get reviews from fellow writers I am especially honored because I know that you know what kind of work it takes to put out a story. I am always enjoy reading yours! Keep up the great work.
NinjaGleek21 – put down the lighter – you can't light Mr. Schue on fire just yet please. And thank you for the review and the cookie!
broadwaybound2016 – I hate to see begging - I promise you I get this out as fast as I can put it together and type it. As always though – thank you so much for your review – they make me smile.
TommyH – Thank you for reviewing
val-cb – I aim to please ! Thank you for enjoying my story and reviewing every chapter. I hope to continue to please you!
dragonrider94 – I feel that I should take the time to acknowledge my reviewers – you took time to review my story and let me know how you feel. Without that – I am not sure that I am getting things right. My reviewers like you are a very important part of this story. You keep me on my toes. So thank you! The flashbacks were graphic but what happened to these girls is graphic as well so I like my readers to get into the girls heads and feel a little bit of what they felt
Hail the Wolves – Genius? Please – thank you but wow! I am so honored that you allow me to share it with you. Thank you!
rippedjeans – Thank you for liking my story. It is pretty deep and I hope I do it justice. Thank you for the review.
HIsland429 – The girls will learn more and more about each other and learn from each other. Britt and San will talk eventually but San has been through a lot and is dealing with a lot of issues so it may be slow but that is what how it may have to go to last. Thank you for the review. Keep them coming!
…...
Bear watched with a frown as the curly haired man waved at his youngest niece. He gave a nod in Will's direction. The teacher gave a smile and wave to him also. He frowned and nodded in his direction.
"Who's that, bug?" he asked pulling the tiny girl to his side.
She leaned her head against his side. "Just Mr. Schuester."
Suddenly a sea of players ran past them along the sidelines. They were following an intense play. Noah had taken the opening kickoff and was racing down the sideline eluding tacklers and driving for the endzone.
Bear took Rachel's hand and took her down the sidelines. "Noah, go! Go!"
The announcer's voice echoed around the Titan's stadium. "Corcoran has only the kicker to beat. He's at the 40, the 30, the 20, the 10 - TOUCHDOWN!
Rachel picked up the puppy pug and tried her best to keep up with her uncle.
"Yes!" Bear screamed. He picked Rachel up. "Touchdown! Touchdown!"
Rachel let out a little scream. "Bear, I hurt."
"Sorry, bug," he said with a grimace. He knelt down. "So you want to tell me what happened?"
"Not really." She met his gaze. "Oh. That was a rhetorical question, wasn't it?"
He gave her a look with a tilt of his head. She sighed.
…...
Joanne looked down at her phone. She received a text from her guy. She smiled. "Bear has Rach," she said as she texted him back.
Shelby followed her sister's gaze. She had been semi-frantically looking around the crowded bleachers trying to decide if she should go look for her. Then Noah scored a touchdown and she was distracted. She was worried about her baby girl. She reconsidered; she was worried for all of them.
"She'll be fine," Joanne said as she put her phone back in her pocket. "They all will be."
Shelby shook her head. "San thinks sex is meaningless, Joey." she looked at her older sister. "What... How am I supposed to..." She trailed off. "I don't want to know how many meaningless times she's been with someone..."
"Shelby," Joanne said taking her sister's hand. "I know you don't want to think about this, but that's the way that San can protect herself."
"Joey, I know that," Shelby snapped as she pulled her hand away. "You think that I don't know that? I should have seen what she was doing. We caught her and Noah at that party last spring.-"
"Shelby, how many parties did you and I sneak off to," Joey asked with an arch of her brow.
"You're my sister. You're supposed to make me feel better here. Remembering how much trouble you and I got into in our youth is not helping me process any of this information." Shelby shook her head. "Coach told me there are recruiters here. I've thought about his future for so long..." Shelby shook her head again. "I'm worried for him."
"Both my kids have left the nest. One's graduated from college and the other one is in his sophomore year and I still pray I don't hear that he's done something stupid. It never ends Shelby. You just have to give them their space. That's why I got a puppy." She laughed but then her smile faded when she saw her younger sister thinking thoughtfully.
Shelby chewed the inside of her lip. "You know it's different," she said quietly. Her voice almost drowned out by yet another good play by the McKinley Titans. She met her sisters eyes. "I'm not saying that you don't worry about your children and it's not legitimate, but …. right now... my heart is in my chest. I don't know where they'll be if they're already thinking so little of themselves."
Joanne looked at her younger sister. "Of course they're different from the average kid, but they know that more than anyone." She locked eyes with her sister. "They don't need their own mother looking at them like that too."
Shelby shook her head and looked at Joanne. "I don't know what to say. I don't know where to begin. I'm a freaking trauma psychologist, but when it comes to my own children..."
"You know exactly where to begin," Joey said with a small smile. "It's simply the fact that they have a long way to go that scares you."
Shelby rolled her eyes. "You really aren't making me feel better."
"It's not my job," Joanne grinned.
"Yes, it is. You're my sister." Shelby turned back to the game. She caught a glance of all of the kids. Noah was breathlessly yelling in the huddle. Santana and Quinn where shouting out cheers and getting the crowd riled up. Rachel was leaning against Bear on the sidelines in the middle of a long rant. That man could always make Rachel talk.
"Well, when we were little my job as your sister was telling you which crayon to eat," Joanne laughed. "Maybe you should interview for a new sister."
She shook her head. "I'll do that."
"Shelby," a voice said from beside her. She tried to ignore it. People tended to call out her name frequently during the game. She was here to watch her son not to talk to some washed up Lima Loser.
"Shelby?"
Her sister nudged her. "Shelby, someone is talking to you."
She scowled at Joey and then looked over her shoulder. Soft eyes and dimples, she thought to herself. She searched her mind. She was great with names. She was awesome with names. She knew peoples names. Then why could she only think of soft eyes and dimples.
"Hi," he said awkwardly. "Gus Baker."
Shelby nodded. "Right," she blinked with embarrassment. "Gus Baker."
He grinned. Shelby smiled back. She watched him lean slightly to the side to look at Joanne. "Hi Jo," he said with a grin.
"Staying out of trouble, inspector?" Joanne asked.
"Naw," he laughed. "Just causing it. Same as you I've heard."
She laughed. "Always."
"You know each other." Shelby said with a mixture of question and realization. Of course they knew each other.
"We've worked on a few things here and there," Joanne laughed. "Gus and Bear know each other better. They have poker night together."
"Poker night?" Shelby asked with an arch of her brow. The man nodded. "Do you have a son on the team?"
"Not at McKinley. We're playing you guys. My boy's the tight end for the other team. Your son's been kicking our asses." Gus laughed. He teetered his weight from one foot to the other. Joanne stifled a laugh as Shelby couldn't help but feel like she was literally in high school again. "Are you free this weekend?"
Shelby laughed. and then received an elbow from Joanne. "No, my kids are grounded. Massively."
Gus grinned as his eyes widened.
"Too bad. Mine are with my ex. Maybe when they're not grounded.-"
"They wont be," Shelby said. "For a very long time."
"She'll meet you for coffee at the Lima bean on Sunday."
"Excuse me?" Shelby asked looking at her sister with a glare.
"Gus, she'll be there. 1pm," Joey said.
"Jo!" Shelby hissed.
"See you later, Gus," Joanne said with a dismissive look.
They watched the man retreat.
"You're an asshole," Shelby said. "Firstly, worst timing ever. Secondly, Quinn has her first visit with her mom at 12:30pm on Sunday."
"And with visits, you drop off and go back to pick them up," Joanne said. "I'm sure the case manager has it covered. You're going. He likes you. So suck it up. I'll stay and watch the trolls."
"They're all bigger than you," Shelby said with a glare.
"Not Bug," Joanne reminded. "Plus, I can take 'em. You're going. Also, after your riveting sex talks, I'm sure they'll need a dose of me. I'm more fun."
"You're something alright." Shelby laughed, but she couldn't help but wonder if she was making a mistake.
…...
Noah looked at the stands. His mother and aunt were in deep conversation. Santana and Quinn were talking with a group of girls on the squad who all seemed to stare at them with respect. Cheerleaders.
"Alright," he said to the huddle. "We are down to 25 seconds and a field goal is not going to win this game - only a touchdown. Sam, it's up to you. We are going to try the play we have worked on all week. Don't fuck it up. Hike on three."
Noah leaned into the line. He knew that this wasn't the last game he was going to play. He knew that it didn't really matter for the championships if they won this game; the season had a long way to go. However, he needed to win this for him. He needed to win this to prove that he didn't suck completely. And most importantly, he needed to run. They lined up for the final play of the game. Sam as quarterback, Noah as running back, however, instead of the ball being hiked to Sam, Noah took the direct snap and started running crushing any of the would be tacklers in his way. Noah ran the final 10 yards dragging two lineman hanging on to his ankles trying to drag him down. Noah did not even stop when he got in the end zone. He was in such a zone that he kept running directly into the locker room.
The crowd roared. Another victory for the Titans. Just what he needed. The team pulled him back out and onto their shoulders. They chanted his name in excitement. He looked around him. Noah shook his head, because as his team screamed in excitement, as the cheerleaders jumped for joy, as the crowd in the stands erupted with delight in the win, Noah spotted his youngest sister kneeling on the ground playing quietly with the dog. She could care less. He frowned and he could see from her face, even though she almost disappeared in the crowd, that she was lost in that moment. He had run play after play and even scored. However, the first person he looked for didn't care. In all honesty it didn't matter to him either. He felt worst in that moment. Surrounded by happy people, all Noah could see was the lingering frightened look in Rachel's eyes from the sideline, the same one that he put there that morning.
…..
The crowded thinned out. To say that the kids looked exhausted was an understatement. They had had no sleep. Noah had played a game; the girls cheered and performed an elaborate halftime show. And Rachel had just been tired; her exhaustion from the day from school, to nightmares and especially all of those things that marinated in the back of her mind kept her silent and her eyes heavy. The kids looked at Shelby waiting for the next move. They hadn't seen her since the morning when she dropped them off. Joanne and Bear seemed to just soak in the awkwardness.
"Congrats!" Mike said coming up behind the family.
Noah turned. "Hey," he smiled.
"Hi Mike," Santana said as Quinn gave a nod.
"Your routine during halftime was pretty awesome," Sam smiled at the girls, but mostly at Quinn.
Santana narrowed her eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be huddling in the locker room discussing how not to suck in the second half?"
Sam shrugged. "Maybe..." He seemed to have forgotten the entire family was watching him because he kept sneaking glances at Quinn. He had asked Puck why Quinn was living with them and he got a gruff and non descriptive answer. "Because she is," the senior had said. "And it's none of your business," he told him gruffly.
"You ran a good game tonight," Quinn nodded.
"Thanks," Sam said. "It was mostly Puck."
He shook his head staring at the ground.
Santana smiled. "I told you that Beiste would put you in!" She rolled her eyes with a laugh. "I may have put in a good word for you."
Quinn nodded. "You're the best quarterback."
The brunette scoffed. "Unquestionably. That ogre giant is a waste of space."
"Santana!" Joey and Shelby hissed.
Quinn nodded and stared at the ground. Santana simply shrugged as if her statement was a universal fact.
"Coming to the party?" Sam asked with an awkward degree of bashfulness.
Santana's eyes darted to her mother and then back to her friends. "Uh..."
"Nope," Shelby said. "You played a good game, Sam. You should be proud. I assume your parents will be at this party."
Sam straightened and Mike followed suit. It was as if they had just remembered that Shelby was standing there. Her rare 'cool-parent' status allowed her to blend in with them so frequently that Sam and Mike tended to have a frequent occurrence of verbal vomit when she was around. "Yeah, totally," Mike replied in an attempt to recover.
Shelby gave them a grimace. "Wonderful. They'll see you on Monday, boys."
The two of them gave a few weak waves and headed into the direction of the locker room.
"Hi, I'm Aunt Joanne and this is Uncle Bear," Joanne said after the boys left.
Quinn stared at the outstretched hand for a moment before she took it. She gave a weak squeeze. "Nice to meet you," she said quietly.
A blanket of awkward fell on them. Quinn was too tired to be rude and was also attempting to make a good first impression.
"Let's get out of here."
Shelby ushered the kids to the Range Rover. "We're over there," Joanne said as she pointed over her shoulder.
"Oh, alright," Shelby said as she shuffled in the back of the Range Rover as Noah, Quinn and Santana climbed into the car. Shelby handed a duffel to Bear. "Her neb is in there just in case. I don't know if she'll need it." Shelby leaned down and hugged Rachel. "Bye, my baby bug. See you tomorrow for dinner." She cupped her face. "We'll talk more about today tomorrow. You have fun, okay?"
Rachel gripped on the leash around her fist and hugged her mother. She gave a tired nod.
"Wait, what's going on?" Santana asked as she rounded the car.
"Your sister asked to stay with your aunt and uncle tonight," Shelby said. "She'll come back with us tomorrow."
Shelby unconsciously stroked Rachel's cheek.
"Wait, what?" Santana asked. "I want to go. That's not fair."
She met her mother's questioning gaze. The gaze then turned into one that meant no-nonsense. Shelby kissed the top of Rachel's head. "Say goodnight to your sister."
"Night, San," Rachel said quietly as she still held Charlie's leash in her hand. She waved quietly to Quinn and tried to get her brother's attention but he wasn't looking.
"Night, bugs," Santana said as she combed her hand through her hair.
"See you tomorrow for dinner," Joanne said as Santana climbed back into the car.
Shelby gave a deep breath and an exhausted grimace. "I love you, sweetheart," she called out to Rachel who was walking Charlie while leaning tiredly into Bear.
"I love you too," she said quietly over her shoulder. Shelby could tell that she was still angry. Tired, yes, but still unquestioningly angry.
"You didn't even say goodbye to her," Santana said with a huff as she turned to her brother.
"I said enough earlier," Noah mumbled from the back seat.
Santana turned and looked at her mother. "Mom, I don't understand why Rach is staying with them."
Shelby began the drive home. "Well for one, she asked to. And two." Shelby paused and met the eyes of everyone in the car. "We have some things to talk about tomorrow morning that I didn't want Rachel around for."
The mother watched from her periphery as Santana sunk into the passenger seat. She could see realization in her daughter's brow.
"And three," Shelby continued despite her daughter's silence. "You're all grounded and Rachel isn't."
"And why is that?" Quinn asked from the back. She recovered. "I mean...Hasn't she done something too... to be grounded... I dont know..."
"No, she hasn't," Shelby said. "She had a rough day today."
"What do you mean?" Santana asked sitting up in her seat.
"Never mind. You're all grounded," Shelby said again. "Santana and Quinn you're still grounded for your behavior awhile back. Santana, you're grounding has been extended for a series of reasons. Namely the comment you made to me last night as well as the fact that you covered for your brother's indiscretions. Quinn, your dodgeball incident has prolonged your state of grounding. Noah, do I need to go into the specifics of last night for your grounding?"
"No," he mumbled from the back.
"When we get home, straight to bed. I'm tired. You're tired, which makes me extra tired. But get a good night's rest. We're starting early tomorrow morning."
Santana sunk further into her seat and glanced over. Her mother had her game face on. Fuck, she thought. tomorrow was going to suck and she didn't even know what they were doing.
…..
Bear sat at his computer in the study. He could hear his wife talking quietly to Rachel, trying to get her to sleep. He shouldn't do this, but he couldn't help himself. He had a feeling. He opened up the database he used at the station. He tapped his fingers on the keyboard as he debated. He began his analysis. He had two sons; he knew that boys were abused also, but San and Rach had a special place in his heart. He frowned as he realized that it was separate from that of his sons because of the innocence that had been stolen from them. Innocence eventually always departs, but not in that way. What had happened to them invoked such an indescribable rage that he always found himself staring at this database in trepidation before he did an extensive background on every teacher and other adult they came in contact with. He hadn't stared at the computer since he did the background on the Fabrays a couple weeks before. As the chief of police, he hadn't known about the Fabrays or all of the specifics of the case. Because of the clarity of hindsight he saw the signs, but he wish they had acted sooner.
Amidst the decor, the alcohol, and the holiday cheer, he remembered meeting the Fabray's at a Christmas party a few years ago and the look in Quinn's eyes made him pause because it mirrored Rachel's look after a bad dream. It stuck with him. His gut had been right, but it had taken a few years to pull her out of that house. He hadn't even realized how much of a necessity it was until after the damage had been done. However, he couldn't do anything legally based singularly determined by his gut, but he couldn't name a time when his gut had been wrong. He needed his gut to be wrong this time. He didn't want his baby sister-in-law's childhood friend to be the person his gut was telling him he was.
"What are you doing?" a voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked over his shoulder.
He combed his hand through his hair and wrapped his arms around his wife pulling her into his lap. "Nothing."
"Liar," she smiled as she pulled him into a kiss. "Who are you going all FBI on now?"
He laughed. "No one. Now where are my kisses."
"Being held hostage," Joey said sitting up. "What are you doing?"
"Just... being … forget it," he said.
"Are you sure you're the chief of police?" Joey laughed. "I'm pretty sure the job requires you to have a better game face than that."
Bear sighed. He loosed his arms around her waist. "I just... Something's off about that Schuester guy."
"Poodle-head?" Joanne cackled. "He's harmless. He was a weirdo in high school and he's a weirdo now. I know that most people grow out of that phase, but I think he just... He's just weird. I don't think he would hurt anyone." She searched her husband's eyes and nodded upon seeing her husband's concern. "You think he would." She nodded as she received confirmation for her suspicion in her husband's sheepish response. "Really? Will Schuester? Shelby told me Rach is taking lessons from him but …. I think you're over reacting."
He frowned. "Name a time when I've been wrong."
Joanne put her hands up. "You will not let me live that down. I'm sorry, Lawrence if I can't see the bad in people. You were right about Santana's middle school's coach being creepy. However, she never knew anything about it. You had him fired and in jail before Santana even got to that middle school."
"Well it was my first niece going to middle school," Bear said. "I did an extra check on everyone." He looked at her. "Listen, I know you know him from your time here in Lima, but there's something about him, Jo."
"He wouldn't be working in the school if he had a record, Bear," she said.
"There's something about him, Joey. You gotta admit it," he pushed.
His wife stood up and kissed him softly. "If this matters so much to you, do it. But instead of filtering through everyone the kids come in contact with, maybe we should talk to the kids about what to look for." She sighed. "Either way, can you start this crusade tomorrow? I would like to get my snuggles on before Rachel decides to crawl into our bed."
Bear laughed. "She's sleeping with us?"
"Shelby said she's been having nightmares plus she rarely stays here alone. I'm sure she'll get freaked. So get your paranoid stalker self on and then come upstairs."
Joey stood and gave her husband a grin that only twenty-six years of marriage could produce. He sighed as he watched her disappear.
He tapped his fingers on the key board. Should he? Did he misplace his suspicion? Was he being over protective? He frowned. He had to be, he realized. There was no other option. He sighed and typed the name into the database.
Nothing.
Nada.
Nothing on a William Schuester.
The man didn't even having a parking ticket.
He narrowed his eyes as he starred at the computer screen. That didn't mean he was innocent, it may simply mean that he hadn't been caught. He shut his computer with a thoughtful gaze. He would talk to him the next day. Curiosity didn't sleep easy. He chuckled; he probably wouldn't either. Rachel kicked.
Bear turned off the lights and locked up the house. He made his way up the stairs and stopped outside the kids' door. It was the room Rachel and Santana stayed in while they were over. He could hear the television still playing in the background. He opened the door quietly to shut it off. Once the television was off and only the dim light near the bed remained on he turned to sneak out of the room. He paused.
Rachel was curled up around the sleeping pug. He looked over and noticed that she was frowning. He bit his lip. Should he leave her or should he stay? She's eleven years old. She wasn't awake. She was just frowning. He nodded, people frown when they sleep. He walked over to her careful not to wake the yap-monster his wife called "her darling" and kissed his youngest niece on the forehead. Her frown smoothed slightly. He breathed a sigh of relief. Okay, he thought now sneak out quietly before she wakes up.
…..
Santana spit the toothpaste into the sink and watched it swirl around. She was exhausted. She was eager to hit her comfy bed and sleep. It would feel great she thought to herself. She opened the door to her room and started to her room to her beloved bed. She paused. She forgot to open the adjoining door to Quinn's room. It was a common, subtle courtesy that Quinn started. If the door was open, neither of them had to do that awkward knocking to see if anyone was inside. She turned and reached to open the door. She noticed Quinn's light was still on. She peaked in. The blonde was sitting in her pile of blankets with her knees pulled up to her chest. She was leaning against the corner with an open book in her hand but she was gazing beyond it. Santana rolled her eyes.
"If you're going to pretend to read you should do a better job," Santana said
Quinn looked up with a weak smile. "You look like death. You should sleep."
"Thanks," Santana said narrowing her eyes. She studied the girl from the door. She could see that she was shaking slightly and her eyes indicated that she wasn't really in the moment. Santana bit her lip. This was Quinn Fabray. They weren't best friends; they certainly weren't sisters. However, there was unspoken respect; it was quiet, but it was there. Santana took a deep breath and grabbed the cards. "It's your turn to deal."
"You don't want to play cards," Quinn said looking at her as the brunette sat next to her.
"Not really, but I don't want you sitting here all night looking how you look shaking in the corner," Santana said as she shuffled the cards and avoided the blonde's eyes.
Quinn watched her. "Why are you doing this?" she asked after a few moments.
Santana straightened and looked at her thoughtfully for a moment.
"Because," she said quietly. "I know what it's like when you can't get something off of your mind ….." She trailed off. "And when that something makes you too scared to close your eyes."
Quinn frowned. She was ready to fire something defensive. "What do you know about it?"
Santana hardened her face. "Rachel gets scared a lot and can't sleep," she said quickly.
"You can't hide behind your kid sister," the blonde spat.
"You can't sleep in the corner forever," Santana fired back.
"Just deal," Quinn said unwilling to admit that she was thankful for the girl's company.
"Deal nothing," Shelby said suddenly from the door. "Was there something confusing about 'go straight to bed?' Do I need to be more clear?"
Santana set down the cards quietly. "Maybe," she mumbled.
Shelby took in the scene before her. She could see her daughter's exhaustion but she saw something else in Quinn's eyes.
"Santana, go to your room," Shelby said not breaking her gaze from Quinn who seemed to be avoiding hers.
The brunette pushed herself to her feet and walked past her mother trying to avoid her eyes. Shelby reached out and kissed her daughter lightly on the top of her head. "You're still in trouble. I love you," she said quietly.
Santana nodded. "Love you, too." And she disappeared into the room.
"What's going on?" Shelby asked.
Quinn shook her head. "Nothing."
"I'm too tired for games, Quinn, and so are you," the mother said gently. She watched the girl look at her hands. "Is this about your father?"
"No," she snapped. "You don't know anything about me. Please don't pretend to know what's going through my head."
"Well, tomorrow we're going to work together to try, but right now," Shelby said. "You need to sleep." She grabbed a blanket from the bed. She was about to drape it over the girl but then she paused. She was so stupid. "It's not that you don't want to sleep, is it? It's that you're afraid to." She watched as the words that she offered soaked in. Quinn didn't look up. Shelby couldn't see her eyes but she saw a tear coast down the girl's face. She took the blanket in her hands and draped if over the two of them as she sat next to Quinn. "What do you usually do when you can't sleep?"
Quinn shrugged. "Nothing... I can just sit here," she mumbled.
Shelby sighed, her own exhaustion was getting to her. "I'll lay with you tonight, okay?"
The blonde snapped her head up. "What? No, I don't need you to do that."
"Well, actually," Shelby said as she pulled a few pillows as well as the comforter off of the bed. "You do." She laid on the makeshift bed. She made sure that Quinn had her lamb. She took the book that the girl had been holding and set it aside and then reached to turn off lamp on the night stand. She stopped, realizing the lamp should stay on. With a slight sigh, Shelby leaned into the little nest they had created. "It's quite comfy down here," she said with a smile. Quinn stared at her with her lamb loosely in her hands. "Lay down, Quinn."
The blonde hesitated but laid down.
"Now," Shelby said as she closed her eyes. "When you wake up and you're scared, you wake me up okay?"
"I'm not going to do that," Quinn scoffed.
Shelby nodded. "You're right you don't have to, but you can, because I'll be here all night. The light will stay on. And those things that you dream about however scary or uncomprehensable. You'll open your eyes and you'll be in this nest with me, safe on the floor, with your lamb and the light on. And when you do wake up, I want you to soak all of that in and then close your eyes and go back to sleep." Shelby opened one of her eyes and caught Quinn's glance. "Got it?"
The girl leaned into the sea of pillows and blankets that felt enough like a bed to be comfortable and enough not like a bed to feel safe. "Okay," she whispered. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. They popped back open as thoughts and images began to hit her.
Shelby then began talking again; it was as if she knew her brain was a mess and she needed to focus elsewhere because the older woman began to speak again. "I'm going to tell you a story," she began quietly. "But I need your help. I'll say a sentence and then you. Okay?" Quinn turned on her side and stared at the woman with tired eyes. She folded her arm and laid her head down on it with a yawn. "Ready?"
The girl nodded and looked at the older woman with gratitude. Before she could say anything Shelby began, "Once upon a time, there was a bear named Arthur looking for an adventure and he thought he would start by renting a motorcycle."
Quinn yawned. "Arthur was going to go to the moon on this motorcycle to discover …." She paused. "This is dumb."
"Keep going," Shelby nodded with her own yawn.
By the fifth sentence, Quinn Fabray was asleep.
…...
Rachel frowned in her sleep. She unconsciously pulled the tiny pug tightly causing it to murmur slightly.
Someone was picking her up. She was sleeping and now she was being dragged to the room. She hated the room. Her heart was beating out of her chest. She hated that room.
Her perspective suddenly changed. Someone was carrying her and that someone was running. A door opened with a creak and then a bang as it hit the wall on the opposite wall. She felt her eyes widen in fear.
Miraculously her fear was calmed and she felt safe. She felt protective arms around her. "No, noises," said the gentle voice. Noah? "Or you'll lose. It's just a game."
The door shut and it was dark. The gentle and safe feeling was gone. She was back to being scared. She was shaking. Where did he go?
The door flew open and the light was too bright to see.
Now she was in a dark room. She felt a big hand on her bare back. The hand was gruff and pushing her pants down and covering her whole bottom.
Suddenly she was back in darkness.
Then a door flew open again.
Then she couldn't see.
Everything was dark.
Then she heard a sob.
Santana?
Her heart was beating so rapidly it felt like a ticking bomb. She felt an arm clamped around her upper arm. Where was she going?
"Come on, you little shit!" screamed a voice.
The door at the end of the hallway was getting closer. Why could she see the door again? Wasn't it just dark?
Her breaths were shaky and fast. What was going to happen? It was getting closer. She was practically there. What was going to happen?
Her heart stopped beating at its intense pace as she was dragged into the dread room. The door sprung open.
Her eyes shot open and she felt like she had landed from a fall. It was as if she had been falling through the air in her dream... She squeezed the puppy tighter, but she hadn't been falling...
She pushed the blankets down the bed and sat up. Her heart was still beating in an out of control tempo and she realized as she stood with the puppy in her arms, she was shaking.
…...
"Did you check him out?" Joey asked as she put lotion on her face. "Find any stuff on the creeper-base?"
Bear scoffed as he folded the heavy comforter on top of him. "No," he said. "Don't rub it in."
Joey rolled her eyes. "That you didn't find out that my sister's weirdo friend was a child molester. Yeah," she said with a frowned. "I don't think that's something you 'rub in.'"
"Whatever," he mumbled. "I think you have some kisses of mine."
She smiled as she reached over and climbed on top of him straddling his strong upper body. "You're going to have to come over here and get 'em."
He leaned in and captured her lips.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Bear practically pushed his wife off of him and caught her, but not before she hit her head on the headboard.
"Bug," he said sitting up straight. Joey glared at him; he was wearing the same look he wore when Rachel caught him hiding Easter eggs in the backyard five years ago. "What's up?"
"Charlie needs to go out," she muttered.
Joey looked at the pug. "Charlie is sleeping, Rach. What's up?"
"Ihadabaddream," she said after a few beats. "It's okay... nevermind..."
"You wanna sleep in here with us?" Bear asked with a practically eager tone.
She shook her head. "I'm not a baby."
"We know you're not," Joanne said. "It's okay to have bad dreams." She looked at her husband. "He had one last night. Come over here and tell me about it. You can even bring Charlie." She tried not to see her husband's look of disbelief and she moved the comforter aside so that her niece could crawl in. "Come here, munchkin."
…...
Noah opened his eyes.
"Get up, Noah," Shelby said. "Come one, bud, wake up."
He closed his eyes again. "Mom, we really don't have to do this," he groaned.
"Sit up, Noah. We do and we are."
He groaned and rubbed his eyes as he sat up. He didn't need to open his eyes to know his mother was shaking her head. "I know you're disappointed in me," he said. "I know. It just... It happened. And for your information. I broke up with her. I know you never liked her. Don't pretend that you didn't."
Shelby arched her brow. "Where to begin, Noah? Yes, I may not have thought she was the best fit for you but you thought she was fit enough for sex."
"Gah, Mom, can we not? Sex talks at," he looked at his clock. "7:30! Jesus!"
"Noah!" she scolded.
"Sex isn't something to throw around," she began.
He looked at her tiredly. "You're just saying that because of what happened to the girls."
"Noah, don't you dare," she snapped.
He put up his hands. "I didn't mean it like that..." he said more gently. "What I mean is …. It's different for a guy. Yeah, it's ….. special... but in a lot of ways it isn't. I can't explain it to you."
"Well figure out a way to," Shelby said quickly. "You may think it's physical, but it's not. It's so much more than that, despite what the media says. It's an offering of vulnerability."
Noah put his head in his hands. "Please, Mom," he groaned. "I don't want to talk to you about my vulnerability at 7:30am!"
"Suck it up," she said. "Fine. We will be talking more about your behavior. Firstly, you will clean this pig sty you call a room until it's spotless. Get excited, I rented the carpet cleaner. You and the girls are not only doing your rooms but the whole house. Windows, bathrooms, the works. And when that's finished you're writing reports."
"Mom," he groaned into his hands from his unchanged position.
"Your report young man will be the importance of safe sex and the hazards of vehicular sex."
He looked up. "Are you kidding?"
"Do I look like I'm kidding? 5,000 words by dinner. Happy birthday, Noah."
…...
Santana felt a hand combing through her hair. She moaned in frustration. Damn it, morning did come.
"Mom," she said without opening her eyes.
"Santana," her mother replied. "Get up."
"I don't understand why I'm getting a lecture just because of what I said." She said with her eyes still closed as she leaned against the headboard.
"I know that can't possibly be true," Shelby replied.
"Is it because I triggered Quinn?" Her mother's lack of immediate answer forced her to realize that her mother might not have thought of that yet.
"No," Shelby said finally. "How many boys have you slept with?"
Santana's eyes flew open. She looked at her mother and then looked at her clock. "This is how we're starting this conversation? With that? Seriously?"
"Yup," Shelby said popping the 'p.'
Santana shook her head in disbelief. "You're joking? Please tell me you're joking."
"Answer the question."
Santana stared at her mother. If she was smart she would have known this was coming. She could have had an answer, and a plan. She felt a stinging in her eyes and a lump in her throat. This wasn't a plan, this wasn't even intentional, but it would do.
Shelby watched her daughter crumble, literally, crumble. Her shoulders sagged and she sunk into herself. There was no grace or control. It was just a loss.
"Please don't make me tell you," Santana sobbed.
Shelby forced herself to stand her ground. She refrained from pulling her into a hug. She needed to know.
"Santana," Shelby said.
Santana never thought she would share this part of her with her mother. She never thought her mother would ask, but here she was asking at seven thirty in the morning. Santana's hair was a mess and her eyes were exhausted. The ability to put on a game face wasn't even an available option. And crying wasn't even a choice. It was simply happening. It was as if her body felt cornered and her mind and heart were frozen in panicked fear. Her tears and exhausted heaves were all she had to offer, they were all she could summon.
"Santana," Shelby said again. "We're talking about this. Not just now but many times after this. So right now this panic that I know you're feeling because I know you, you best be letting it out, young lady, because these discussions won't end today. We're in for the long haul, sweetheart." She leaned down and met her daughter's tired eyes. "So right now, I'm going to let you sit here and cry. You're going to take a breath, calm down and then start cleaning your room. Bathrooms, windows and carpets will be done today. You'll also be writing a 5,000 word essay whose topic I have yet to decide. You're one of the smartest people I know, Taz. I love you and you deserve something so much more than what you think you do and you most certainly don't deserve anything meaningless. So go ahead and cry, honey, but you will be answering my question today."
Shelby stood as steadily as she could and kissed her daughter on the forehead. "I love you."
She walked away from Santana as the girl sobbed harder in her bed as she tried to coax her own tears back in and the urge to hug her daughter. Santana needed to cry it out. She was here for her, but she needed to see that it wasn't okay. She would hug her. She would assure her, just not yet.
Shelby took a deep breath and made her way back into the blonde's room. Quinn was still curled up on the floor. Her body was exhausted. However, this conversation couldn't be avoided with any of them, despite how uncomfortable.
"Quinn," she said softly as she sat next to her. "Quinn?"
The blonde jumped awake and sat up. "Um, hi," she said quietly.
"We need to talk, Quinn," Shelby said carefully.
"About the ...events of last evening... or that I beat up eleven year olds?"
Shelby arched a brow. Do not smile. do not give her the upper hand, she coached herself. "Both." She took a deep breath. "I don't know all that happened to you but I know generally what happened."
Quinn lowered her head. "Too many people know what 'generally' happened." She said the word with a strange mixture of venom and despair. "Do you know what it's like for people to know that about you? To try to speculate you at your most vulnerable moments?" She shook her head. "Nevermind." She looked up. "Listen you don't have to talk to me about... being safe... or …. whatever because I never will... do it …. not ever again. Not after..." she wrung out her hands. "I've made mistakes." Shelby frowned. "I trusted the wrong people." She shook her head. It was early she was rambling. "All I'm saying... is that you don't need to talk to me about it because... for the rest of my life I would be okay without it..." She met Shelby's eyes. "Please tell me what to do." The mother looked at her. "I'm in trouble right? So please...yell at me... Do something."
Her speech with her other children suddenly seemed not as hard. Stay strong, Shelby scolded herself. "5,000 words," she said quickly. "We're going to do the bathrooms, carpets and windows... and wash the linens." Shelby searched Quinn's eyes. 'I've made mistakes,' the girl's voice echoed in her head. Shelby frowned; it was never Quinn's mistake. She suddenly felt her stomach drop. Was it that she blamed herself for Russell or in her guilt over the circumstances of her situation she made choices to mask her self-loathing? She had seen too many cases to not know the answer, but when the girl was living in your house instead of a patient you see once a week, it was different. It just felt different.
"Sure," Quinn said standing up quickly. "I'll get started on that. Do you want me to clean Rachel's room too?"
The girl's immediate response and obvious need to please made Shelby hesitate. She knew she needed to treat Quinn like the others, but it was clearer, now more than ever that she needed greater attention.
"Quinn," Shelby said gently. "I'm sorry for what happened to you but I promise that it will get better and I will be here every step of the way."
The girl froze. "I don't need you to be sorry for me," she said quickly.
"I'm not sorry for you," Shelby clarified. "I'm sorry about what happened."
"Well, right now, I can't see the difference," the girl suddenly glared. "And quite honestly, I don't think you do either, especially in how you all look at and act toward Rachel. She's not broken." Quinn straightened. "And neither am I."
"Well, I don't feel sorry for you, Quinn. I do not pity you. Not in the least. So the answer is yes, we need to do Rachel's room too. Like yours, it's spotless..." She sighed and watched the girl start out of the room. "This conversation isn't over Quinn. We will talk more throughout the day and for a long time after this."
The girl didn't turn. "Sure we will."
And without a word she walked out of the room, hoping to conceal her tears.
…...
The phone rang and Joey groaned. Maybe she could ignore it and it would know to shut up. It rang again. She groaned. She opened her eyes and Rachel was curled into her and her husband had his arm draped around them both. Joey frowned. She liked her nest this better be good.
She extracted herself and picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Hey," Shelby said from the other end. "Did Rachel sleep?"
Joey rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and she still is and so was I," she hissed quietly as she watched Rachel stir and turn to curl into Bear.
"Really?" Joey could hear the frown from the other end. Joey huffed and crawled out of the bed and went into the hallway.
"Fine, she had one nightmare," she said once the door was closed.
"About?" Shelby said urgently.
"I don't know, Shel. She and I were both too busy sleeping to talk about it. She slept with Bear and I." She heard her sister sigh on the other end. "Things going that badly?"
Shelby sighed. "Well, check in with her please," she replied, clearly avoiding the question.
"I will," Joanne said tiredly. "Always do." She paused. "Are you okay?"
"What do you think?" she spat. She took a deep breath. "Just...I am worried about Rach. I need to know she's okay."
She gathered her words. Finally, she said, "They'll all be fine."
"I don't need a pep talk right now, I need to know if my daughter is okay."
"Hey no need to be snappy. We'll take good care of you. Why don't we go out for dinner tonight okay? you're clearly just going to burn everything. You shouldn't cook."
"Whatever, Jo," she replied. "Call me if anything comes up."
"Take a breath. You've got this," Joanne said carefully. "We'll get through this."
For some reason, Shelby didn't feel better, not in the least.
…...
"Good game yesterday," Santana said as she scrubbed the rim of the toilet with a gag. "So much better once that giraffe was kicked out of the game. I think I freaked him out."
Quinn paused from scrubbing the bathtub... "What?"
"Nothing," Santana said shaking her head. "Sam's a better player. I've been talking to Beiste about him forever. His arm accuracy is so much better than Finn's. He knows the plays better and can execute them much better than the giant idiot. The team rallied around him today because he is so poised in the pocket." She saw Quinn's puzzled look. "My uncle loves the game. Noah and I grew up on it. Even Rachel knows about football. However, she'll pretend she doesn't."
Quinn nodded. "Whatever," she said. "I mean Finn can do whatever he wants, but I agree Sam is a better player, but I didn't have all of the ...uh … technical knowledge you have." She shook her head. "But if I know him he's throwing a hissy right now. And if you're the one who threw him off of his game he's going to let you know on Monday."
Santana cackled. "Finn Hudson? That boy may be a ginormous senior but I can take him with my eyes closed. He has nothing on me. Don't worry about me. He should be worried if he tries to mess with you."
Quinn stiffened. "I don't need you sticking up for me, Santana," she said seriously. "I never have. I'm the head cheerleader. You're not even my co-captain. I'm still above you."
Santana looked at her with a frown. She arched her brow an stifled a yawn. "Are you really pulling rank on me right now?" She shook her head. "I'm not the one who should be preaching about letting people be their friends, but ….. " She locked eyes with the blonde. "I see the way you are around him. I dont question it. I haven't asked you a damn thing about it. I've seen it since last year. Don't you dare pretend that he doesn't bother you. Yeah, you might not have been my favorite person before, but we share a damn bathroom and I'm pretty sure you ate my Cinnamon Toast Crunch yesterday, but you're here, Quinn. I'm not defending you for kicks. I just... am..."
The blonde narrowed her eyes. "I never asked you to do anything for me. I don't want you to."
"Well," Santana said. "Tough shit."
"Girls, enough talking, more scrubbing," Shelby said as she passed the door with an armful of laundry.
…...
Rachel woke up with a cold, wet nose nudging at her ear.
"Good morning, pumpkin," Joey said as she pulled on a sweatshirt and sat next to her niece.
Rachel looked around. the bed was empty, save her and Charlie. Before she could ask, Joanne answered her question.
"He's downstairs," she said. "Sleep well?"
The young girl gave a nod and sat up.
"Did my mom call?" she asked as she rubbed her eye to remove the eye boogers, as Santana called them.
Joanne nodded. "Yup. She called to check on you. We were all asleep. I was a bit grumpy." She watched Rachel's face. "Are you still angry?"
The tiny girl chewed her lip. "Not at her really... but..." She shrugged. "No one gives me a chance. I know that she let me come because they're talking sex and they don't want me there." She hit her fists on her thighs. "I know about sex!" She deflated slightly. "Why is it that people forget that?"
The woman gave a sigh. "Rachel."
The girl shook her head. "I know people don't forget... I know..." She shrugged. "How am I ever supposed to grow up?"
Joanne looked at her. She didn't know where to begin. She didn't know how to begin. She knew what happened. She and Shelby had talked it into the ground. She saw the pain and sadness in Rachel's insecurities and the scars that had been left from it. Maybe they were tip toeing around this. Maybe they were going about it wrong.
Before Joanne could capture her thoughts, Rachel began again.
"I know I'm only eleven. I know that I look like I'm nine." Rachel sighed indignantly. "But I'm not... just eleven. You know? I see how people act around me. I see stuff...I've seen some stuff... I'm not just eleven."
"You're not 'just' anything," she said quickly.
"What I mean is." The girl continued with her rambling. "No one trusts me. They can trust me... I mean I know about sex. All my classmates look like models. They've gone through puberty and here I am years behind when I..." She met her aunt's eyes. "I'm pretty sure I'm ahead of them all..."
The older woman felt herself freeze. Did she just say what she thought? "Rachel, what happened isn't the same as..."
"But either way I'm not a virgin," Rachel said quickly and quietly. "I know that." She nodded convincing herself. "I do..." She furrowed her brow and looked at her hands. "I can handle things... and people don't think I can... That's what I'm mad at."
"It's not that we don't think you can handle them," Bear suddenly said from the door.
"Yes, it is," Rachel fought back. "Noah told me. No one thinks I can fight back."
"Well can you?" Bear asked gently. Rachel turned away with a huff. He went on. "You're right, Rach. Maybe you can't handle them now, but do you know what to look for? I've seen you talk to complete strangers..." He looked at his wife for guidance.
"It scares us," she said simply. "But you know what, you're right. You're not just eleven. We need to teach you what to look for."
"Look for creepy people?"
"Not look for necessarily," Bear said. "But know when situations aren't safe. For example, your singing lessons with Whatshisname." He received an elbow in the pit of his stomach. "You should never be alone with him. The doors should never be closed. Things like that."
"Why? I trust him" Rachel asked. There was a glint in her eyes as if she was concealing something.
"Well..." Bear began. "It's not appropriate. Not just unsafe but it's not okay." He locked eyes with her. "If anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable, intentionally or unintentionally, it's not okay. and you need to go to me, Aunt Joey or your Mom."
Rachel frowned. "I was handling school," she said with fortitude.
Joey looked at her. "That may be true," she said calmly. "But you shouldn't have to."
"Haven't you ever been picked on?" Rachel asked with a sigh. "You don't go tell the teachers!" She looked at her aunt and uncle and realized something as she rolled her eyes. "Of course you haven't. You're the cool kids. God, is anyone a loser in this family besides me?"
"You're not a loser," Joey said.
"Pretty sure I am," she scoffed.
"We're all losers, Rachel," Bear said.
"I'm the biggest," she sighed.
Joanne kissed her on the top of the head. "In this family we make sure we're the best." She winked at her. "It'll get better, Rachel. I know deep down you know that what was happening at school wasn't right you just weren't sure if you should say anything. Well, we'll all teach you when it's time to. okay?"
"This conversation isn't going to fix anything," Rachel murmured. "I'm still a schoolless kid."
"I think pancakes can fix that, don't you, Jo?"
"Vegan pancakes," the girls corrected.
…..
The upstairs carpets were done. The windows and the bathrooms shone bright. It was exhausting. They sat staring at one another in the living room.
"We'll get started down here in a few minutes," Shelby began. "But first we all need to talk."
The three of them seemed to cower slightly. Shelby went on. "I know you don't want to talk about this, but we need to." She took a breath. "The act of sex any kind of sex is sacred. It puts you in a vulnerable moment and if you throw it off as casual, you disrespect yourself." The kids squirmed. "Respect for yourself is not something you're born with. You learn it and work with it for the rest of your lives. However, it's the actions you take that determine its growth. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Quinn felt a knot in her stomach. She couldn't hear this. She didn't need a 'respect yourself' talk. Any dignity she ever had was far gone. It had moved on and so had she.
"I can't do this," the blonde said. She didn't want to soak in Santana's ashamed downward gaze. She couldn't recognize Puck's regret. She just needed to leave.
"Well, we're going to have a talk. Noah and Santana, go start on the kitchen. I want every pot scrubbed."
Quinn watched as the two left the room; what she wouldn't give to leave. "Quinn," Shelby began.
"I'm not doing this with you. I'm just not."
"Quinn, what your father did wasn't sex." She had decided to come out and say it.
"Please shut up," Quinn shouted at the bold statement. She turned to her with a steal jaw. "You're not my therapist. You're not my friend and you're not my mother. So please. Give us all a break and stop acting like it.
"You're right," she said, causing the girl to freeze. "I'm not." She took a breath. "However, I'm right. And you don't have to talk about it, but don't pretend that this isn't affecting you. It's okay to be angry, Quinn and I'm here."
"What are you an after school special?" Quinn gawked. "Leave me alone. We're not talking about this!"
"We are, Quinn, we need to," Shelby said.
"Please leave me alone," Quinn begged.
"I need you to know I'm here if you need anything and we wont talk much more about it today, but the topic isn't over. I'm not going to forget this." She sighed at the girl who had now pushed herself deep in the corner of the room and into herself. "I promise, Quinn. It will get better."
"Really?" she shouted with a sneer. "Is that what you tell Rachel?"
Shelby looked at her in shock. She took a deep breath and recovered. "Getting me angry isn't going to work."
Quinn wasn't there. She couldn't hear Shelby's concern. All she felt was a heavy, sweaty body. "You're going to like this," the voice hissed. "Open your legs." "Bend over" "That's it. Good girl."
She felt a surge in her stomach. She grabbed the small trash can in the corner and threw up.
"I can't do this with you," she said wiping her mouth and avoiding the woman's eyes. "I won't." Quinn looked at her honestly. "Some people say it's sacred and magical. It wasn't any of those things. Not then, not ever. Not with him and not with anyone else. All it is is a fantasy. It's like God. The sanctity of it as an act isn't beautiful. People simply gave it meaning over time because without it it would be ugly. It's ugly. People need to believe in better things. They need to believe that it's not messy and sticky and sweaty. So they put love in. There's no such thing as special. All it is is sweaty bodies aching to get off."
The raw emotion in her face was almost unbearable. Shelby didn't know what to say. She reached out and wrapped her arms around Quinn.
"Let me go!" she screamed as she pounded against Shelby's chest. "I don't need you." She continued to hit her but the grip only got tighter. "Leave me alone!"
"I love you so much, Quinn," Shelby whispered.
"Fuck you!" Quinn screamed into Shelby's chest.
"I love you, Quinn," she whispered. "I'm here and I believe in you."
"Fuck you!" she screamed again but her hits became softer. "Fuck you," she whispered weakly as she realized the irony of her words.
She let it sink in; she let her legs crumble and she fell into Shelby's arms. In that moment, she gave up and fell into the embrace. It was the only thing she could do.
…...
Santana heard Quinn's screams die down from the other room. She tried to catch her brother's eyes but he was intentionally not looking at him
"This is your fault," she hissed. "We wouldn't be going through all of this if it weren't for your sexcapade with that bitch! Are you listening to me? This is your fault! Quinn wouldn't be throwing up in the other room and Rachel would be home."
"Shut up, Santana," Noah hissed. "I know that!"
"Do you?" Santana said throwing down a pot.
"You know what, San?" Noah asked regaining his strength. "Back off."
"No, Noah," Santana scolded. "This is-"
"Finished," Shelby interrupted. "Santana, come in here please."
Santana felt her heart in her throat. She didn't want to talk to her mother. Based on their conversation this morning, she knew that this wasn't going to be good. It wasn't just that she knew her mother would be disappointed and angry. It was that a part of her that was being exposed that she never wanted her mother to know about, the part of her that even she was ashamed of. More than that, it was the part of her that she even hid from herself, because if she admitted all the things that she kept locked up inside of her then she would crumble. If out in the open, she couldn't avoid this piece of her anymore. They would be in ruins around her, reminding her that it was all a lie.
This chapter as was supposed to be longer, as usual. Hopefully, again no promises, the goal is to have another chapter up by Wednesday morning. Please let me know what to think. A lot is happening and there is a lot more to come. There are many twists turns and greater hardships coming up. Get ready.