Dearest Sara,

I wish with all my heart that I was on my way home to you, but it looks to be that I will have to stay longer. Sometimes I wished I hadn't bothered you. It seems that we spend more time apart than we do together and it makes me upset. I do love you, darling. Sometimes I want to ride away and see you, even if it is for just a day. I know I keep saying that this war will end one day, but I am growing tired of hoping that it will. In battle I have had to kill people, and I dream about it every night. I am afraid of dying sometimes. I want to live so I can see my child, but sometimes I wonder if God wants me to. How is the child? How are you? When I was at home, I would look at you while you slept. I always imagine that you are at peace in your dreams. I miss your skin and it's softness. I miss how I used to try and count the freckles on your skin. Your dark eyes were my home and I am indeed homesick. The days here are cold and without you beside me I feel melancholy. I love you more than you'll ever know.

Gil

Dear Gil,

I wish you wouldn't think that about yourself. If you hadn't told me your feelings I still would have been pining for you until I died. This is only temporary, my love. Soon we will spend every waking minute together and you will see that everything will turn out alright. I am sorry that you're dreams haunt you so. If you hadn't killed them, then they would have killed you. They had been trained to. I figure it is like an animal. They will do what they had been trained to do, regardless. I want you to live as well. If you died I would die too. I would never marry again and die miserable. My days here are growing dull now that we are done making clothes. All the money you send is put away and kept safe. I don't mind if you come home for only a short visit. I just want to see your face. I love you, my sweet. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers. The baby is coming along fine and without my petticoats, I can see a noticeable bulge. I feel it during the day now. It wiggles around a great deal. I can't wait until it arrives. I can picture us as a family and taking walks by the river. I yearn to hear your voice, darling. I miss you.

Sara

~00~

December 1779

Preparations for Christmas had always been merry, but this season Sara didn't feel like celebrating. In the warm kitchen she helped Aunt Catherine make popcorn balls. Popcorn balls were a great treat. They popped popcorn first, then they drizzled molasses over the batch. Next they took their bare hands and molded the popcorn into balls. To go with the popcorn, Uncle Jim made apple cider.

"It looks as if we will get a blizzard by the time Christmas comes!" Uncle Jim said as he sipped his cider.

"It feels like it," Aunt Catherine agreed.

Making popcorn balls always made your hands sticky. Sara was at the wash basin, scrubbing the brown molasses away. She had been spending the cold nights and days with her aunt and uncle. She wanted to save coal and besides, it was just her in the little house and she didn't see the point of wasting.

"Did you hear word of Gil?" Aunt Catherine asked.

Sara looked up. "Yes," she said.

"Well," Uncle Jim said. "is he coming home?"

Sara sighed. "I don't think so," she said.

Nowadays, Sara found that she was being quick tempered. She tried will all her might to hold her tongue, but sometimes her temper got the better of her. When she wasn't angry, she was crying. She cried because it was too cold, or because she was too lonely. Mainly she cried because she missed Gil. Once she started a letter because she wanted to tell him to come home, but she threw it out after she thought about it.

"Well," Uncle Jim said. " it's not Christmas yet. There is still time for a Christmas surprise.'

Sara didn't want to say so, but she did not have the faith that Uncle Jim did. She missed both her cousin and her husband. She had all of Gil's letters under her feather mattress and read them all every night.

"I suppose so," Sara said.

~0~

The days before Christmas passed by slowly. That Christmas, Uncle Jim had cut down a tree. It was a pine tree and Sara did not know what it was doing in the house when she first saw it.

"It's a Christmas tree," Uncle Jim said.

Sara had never seen a Christmas tree, but she had heard of them in Reverend Tucker's sermons. He said that only heathens decorated a tree. Aunt Catherine thought that that was a foolish notion. She had Christmas trees as a child and she wasn't a heathen.

"What do you do with them?" Sara had asked.

Uncle Jim chuckled. "You decorate them and put gifts underneath. You'll see," he said.

Aunt Catherine hurriedly went to work. She threaded a needle and started to string popcorn. Sara sat down to help and soon the had a long row of popcorn. The ladies walked around the tree and, as carefully as they could, they wrapped it around the tree. The popcorn string rested on the branches and went slowly upward until it reached the very top. Aunt Catherine said that it was called 'Garland'.

"Now we must get some holly," Aunt Catherine said.

Sara had heard of holly. Supposedly, people put it in there windows during Christmas. There was a woman in town who grew holly and she was selling it. Sara would go with Aunt Catherine into town to buy it later.

"How many days until Christmas?" Sara asked as she chewed on a popcorn ball.

Aunt Catherine counted in her head. "Fourteen," she said.

Sara let out a sigh and tried to stretch. She felt like she had so many kinks in her bones. Lately, she hadn't been able to get comfortable. She was achy in the morning and she wanted to sleep all the time. She felt especially guilty, seeing as how it was Christmas.

~0~

Every time there was a knock at the door, Sara was hopeful that Gil would be standing there. But whenever the door opened, it was a neighbor or carolers looking to spread holiday cheer. The snow started to fall around the middle of the month and they had a blizzard. Sara knew there was no hope that Gil would come home if there was a blizzard.

"Don't fret, Sara," John said. "Gil is fine."

John was turning into a fine young man. He helped Uncle Jim with hard work and already knew what he wanted to do with his life. He was big for a boy of fourteen years. The Christmas tree was up now. It lit up the sitting room with the little candles that Aunt Catherine had stuck carefully on the branches. The popcorn garland was around the tree and sometimes Sara was tempted to eat it. The baby inside of her was growing large and she could feel it turning and kicking. In her head she did the arithmetic. She found out she was with child in June. If she counted right, the baby would be born in the end of February or early March! She hoped Gil would surely be home by then. Christmas Eve came soon and there was still no letter from Gil. The wind outside was blowing snow in all directions, but inside her uncle's house it was warm and cozy.

"Sara, come sit down and knit with me a spell," Aunt Catherine suggested.

Sara sat, though she was tired of sitting. She was tired of being uncomfortable and she tired of snow. She was tired of Christmas and of talking and knitting. A knock at the door made her look up, but John was up before she had time to move for the door.

"I'll get it!" he announced to the room.

Sara went back to knitting and tried to concentrate on what she was making. He needles went back and forth in a flash and she was oblivious to anything in the room. Their clicking sound distracted her from all things.

"I guess my wife has forgotten me," she heard Gil's voice say.

Sara looked up so fast that she nearly dropped her knitting. Before her stood Gil and Nick. Aunt Catherine was hugging Nick, but Sara sat frozen. Surely he hadn't come. It was too cold to travel.

"Gil!" Sara exclaimed as she ran to him.

"Merry Christmas," Gil said his eyes shining as he hugged her.

It was Gil! He was covered with snow drifts. Though he wore a thick coat and hood, he was all white. Sara helped him out of his coat and shook the snow out onto the floor.

"You came all this way in the snow?" Sara asked.

Gil nodded. "I needed to see you on Christmas," he said.

Sara felt herself smile and she knew that everything was alright because Gil had come home. She came around to stand in front of him and hugged him. She gave him a kiss and his face was nearly frozen to the touch.

"Come sit and thaw out," she said as she led him to her place by the cook stove.

Gil took a seat and Sara sat on his knee. "It is so good to be home. How are you, Dear?" he asked as he placed his palm on her stomach.

The baby gave a kick and Gil's eyes smiled because he was proud. Now that he was home, Sara felt at ease for the first time in months.

"I am better now that you are home. I have been knitting up a storm, though," Sara said as she got up to fix Gil some supper.

"It didn't snow on us until we were a few days outside Philadelphia," Nick explained. "by that time we had crossed the river and it was alright."

Aunt Catherine smiled. "Well, I am glad you are safe," she said.

~0~

For the first time in a week, Sara went back to her little house. The difference was that this time Gil was home. As soon as they opened the door, Gil let out a yawn and he stretched. He pulled Sara into a big hugged and she couldn't help but laugh.

"I feel like I am in a dream," Sara said with a laugh. "I can't believe you have come home!"

Gil chuckled and picked up the bag he had dropped. "I have your Christmas present for you, Sara. You have to wait until morning to open it," he explained with a smile.

Sara laughed. "I have yours too. You also have to wait," she said.

Gil opened his arms to her and Sara ran to him. Even if Gil didn't bring anything with him, he was the best present she could ask for.