Wooo, so this is the BIG chapter. The big reason why I wanted to write Marley Jane, the song that kind of inspired this story. Oh Grilled Cheesus.
Marley singing/dancing on stage
(Action Marley is doing in real life)
69. Chandelier
I'm a party girl now. Though I was alone and by myself most of the day there was usually someone who came over to visit and as soon as they came over, my constantly high and drunk self would just start making out them them. They'd accept it and soon we'd strip down and make our way to the bedroom. I didn't care if the windows were opened or closed these days, the public should know that I'm a free wild child now.
Whomever I was with, boy or girl, they enjoyed the time we had too. Squeezing and sucking on my breasts and eating me out as well. I ate people too, boy parts and girl parts, and that also included a couple of threesomes I had with people who came over.
Actually one time a few friends came over, boys and girls, and we had this large group sex thing happening. The condom covered guys sat on the floor and the girls would sit and ride them until we all came and then the girls would stand up and move to the next guy. We did that for a couple of hours and it was the hottest and sexiest thing to happen.
God, it was just all so hot and sexy.
When the people came to visit they'd bring along some beer boxes or wine bottle and lots of drugs. They'd end up leaving some of it behind by accident, so I had a lot of them in the house. I didn't want to waste any of them though.
I drank nothing else. No water, no milk, no flavor water—nothing. Just wine, vodka and beer bottles. Call it wild but I'd take some drugs, crush it up, and sprinkle it into the wine and drink those with the wine. The rest of the drugs were snorted up, injected and smoked. Sometimes I had no idea where I was and then the next second I'd wake up with a headache and bloody nose and my clothes stripped and thrown all over the place.
I forgot about my friends. Some of them. But then they'd pop up in my head and depending how they made me feel I would either drink or use drugs to forget them.
My nose kept bleeding out the most of the time. I felt like my teeth had fallen out (they hadn't, I checked) and I felt like my gums were bleeding all the time too.
I was always thirsty for beer and wine and drugs, but never hungry to take anything else.
I recieved a text from an unknown number. I looked and saw it was a picture message with a caption. Bree. With a sleeping Ryder next to her. She looked like she was in her underwear. Stupid bitch. Fucking Ryder.
After that I grabbed a punch bowl and poured in two bottles of red wine and two bottles of vodka, took a straw and chugged the mix down my throat. I held it down for a few seconds before throwing up. It wasn't a quick "bleh" sounds, it was more of a longer one. "Bllllleeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhh" sound. When I looked back to the vomit it was so revolting, sometimes I'd throw up again because of the first time I vomited.
Oh and the voices in my head. Tina would say, "Stop vomiting! You're going to mess things up for MY life!" and Kitty would say, "Bulimic loser!" and Ryder would say something like, "Damn crack baby bitch. I'm with Bree and she's a lot better." And a bunch of other shit voices reminding me of being a loser and a crack baby and not good enough for anyone other than someone who is also a drug user. Fucking voices. Every time a voice spoke to me I had to try and rid it as soon as possible so I would drink bottles of beer, like just chug those things down, or drink a bottle of vodka and then snort up crack.
Fucking voices. I wish Lark was here. I want Lark here so I wouldn't feel alone nor be alone taking these drugs.
Cole had some leftover bottles of beer, vodka, red wine and lots of joints and crack and heroin and other things and asked if I wanted them, in exchange for sex. I was high on drugs and drunk but capable to understand the deal. I pulled him in, stripped myself of my bra (the only thing I had on) and helped Cole strip down to nothing and after putting a condom on him I jumped into his arms, making out with him and we started fucking one another. When we finished (five rounds later) Cole had to leave. So I was left with eight 12 packs of beer bottles, ten red wine bottles, three bottles of vodka and lots and lots of drugs.
Thursday night I was alone, fully naked and smoking a cigarette while using the dildo on myself and felt myself cumming to an orgasm. I kept thinking of Lark and Ryder...and then it turned into Lark, Ryder and I having a threesome and it was so sexually hot that I felt it was real and when I came and then opened my eyes I was disappointed that it was all in my head. Besides if I spoke of it the two cousins would probably vomit up, but secretly find it hot.
I stood up and returned to the bedroom and grabbed a tank top and threw that on with a pair of jean shorts and my black converse shoes with my hair down and a little messy.
I left the bedroom and went to the window to finish my cigarette and throw it out our the window. I did and then went into the kitchen to get a class of red wine and vodka. I passed by the counter that laid weed joints, crack pills and crack dust. I poured a glass of wine and vodka mix and sprinkled on some of the weed and crack dust. I mixed it all up and chugged it down. Before returning to the couch I snorted up a the crack. I grabbed a joint and lit it up to smoke.
I returned to the couch and finished turned on the TV to see some award show ending. Ten minutes left, not too bad. I watched the TV screen as I smoked the joint. The host of the award show invited Sia up on stage to sing her number one song, Chandelier, for the audience. I've heard that song all summer and loved it. Her vocal on the song is so damn powerful. I still have no idea why when she sings live she has her back face the audience but the lyrics of the song and her voice are powerful.
I wished I could be just as good as Sia. Have songs that are powerful and...golden. I guess.
"Wish...Sia... guts have," I muttered. "Damn her...Rachel probably thinks that she...better...Sia singer...Barbra hoe...shit." I smoked in another joint.
Probably an hour (or more accurately; six bottles of beer, three glasses of wine, five boxes of cigarettes, seven joints, six snorts of crack and four injections of heroine) later, I was...somwhere. I don't even know where I was. In the bedroom or living room or even bathroom? Where ever I was I drank down a bottle of vodka-wine mix with some beer in it as well as crack dust, weed and chugged that down with some crack pills I had in the apartment; all while smoking a large joint I found in a joint bag. I was laughing and smiling to myself as I shut my eyes to calm down a little bit.
I opened them and found myself on a stage. I had on this beautiful outfit. I was wearing a black jersey banded one shoulder top with a pair of jean shorts and black heels with silver studs on the heel. My hair was down and curled at the end and I had on a pair of silver chandelier earrings; medium sized ones. I looked beautiful and I felt powerful.
I turned around and saw an empty stage with a spotlight shining on the stage. A crow of people were in the audience calling out my name. Chanting loudly in a musical tone, "Marley! Marley! Marley! Marley!" over and over again. I felt my nerves go away and some confidence in me build up with every call of my name. I hear some voices call me from behind and I turned to find Ryder, Rachel, Tina, Lark, Mr. Schue and Finn standing there looking at me with grins.
"Go for it Marley, show them what you got!" Mr. Schue said. "Glee has prepared you for this. This is your moment."
"This is the time of your life Marley. Go and make seven year old Marley happy, or however old you were when you performed on stage." Finn added.
"Marley? I hope you can forgive me for being a bitch to you all year. I really wanted to be here and support you on your big moment," Tina smiled. "You're a wonderful singer and super talented."
"Even more than Barbra and I." Rachel told me. "Go for it and make Joni Mitchell proud."
"Get a move on kid," Lark told me. "The crowd is a-waiting."
I grinned and nodded to them. I loved the support I was gaining from them and before I could move an inch Ryder stepped forward with a bigger smile on his face. "I love you Marley."
"I love you too, Ry." I smiled.
Ryder leaned in and kissed me. I could literally feel his lips on mine and I remember how it felt to be kissing him. I missed these lips he had and I missed his face, his smile, his voice...I missed everything.
We pulled away from the three minute kiss, as the crowed keeps chanting for me to make my stage debut. I smiled at everyone one more time before going out to the stage. The crowed starts to cheer as I got near the microphone and once I was there I let the crowed continue for another minute or two. After that I pick up the microphone and speak into it.
"Are you ready for a fun night everyone!?" I asked, knowing the answer right away. The audience in the performing center screamed loudly and chanted my name at the top of their lungs. "I won't make you wait any longer my awesome fans! Here we go!"
The audience's voiced died down as the music began.
Party girls don't get hurt
Can't feel anything, when will I learn?
I push it down, push it down
(Marley snorts up some crack while injecting herself with a liquid mix that contains heroin, X, crack and other things)
I'm the one "for a good time call"
Phone's blowin' up, ringin' my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink (Marley chugs down red wine)
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink (Marley chugs down more red wine)
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink (Marley chugs down even more red wine)
Throw 'em back 'til I lose count
(Marley takes crack pills and swallows them with a bottle of beer)
(Marley takes the microphone off the stand and starts singing and dancing)
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier!
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
(Marley snorts up weed and crack mix from the ground floor, wiping away blood from her nose)
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
But I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes (Marley chugs down vodka)
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes (Marley chugs down more vodka)
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
Sun is up, I'm a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame
(Marley smokes a joint as she starts spinning and dancing around the room she's in, still thinking she's on stage entertaining her audience)
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink (Marley chugs down a beer bottle)
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink (Marley chugs down more beer)
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink (Marley chugs even more beer, then snorts up some weed from nearby)
Throw 'em back 'til I lose count
(Marley takes some random pills from the ground and swallows them with a bottle of beer)
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist (Marley mixes vodka, beer and red wine together in a big glass bowl and mixed it together)
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry (Marley chugs down the alcohol)
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier (Marley adds drugs to the bowl and starts drinking it again)
But I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight (Marley sees someone in the audience and notices someone in particular...her Mom, Millie)
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
(Marley's head starts becoming dizzy. She has no idea where she is and feels like her body is exploding into bits and pieces and everything around her is becoming blurry)
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
(Everything is now blurry. Marley can't make out where she is going, what she is bumping into do and has no idea what she is drinking, what she just snorted up and what is happening to her that makes her feel like her energy is running out)
On for tonight
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight (Marley snorts up different drugs from the ground)
Oh, I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight (Marley chugs down red wine)
On for tonight
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight (Marley starts smoking a joint and a cigarette together)
'Cause I'm just holding on for tonight (Marley chugs down vodka)
Oh, I'm just holding on for tonight
(Marley feels like her energy, or her body, something of the matter; is shutting down)
On for tonight
On for tonight
I finished my song, feeling overly fatigued and like my energy was gone and it wasn't just because I was spinning on my toe during the last several lyrics. (Marley injects herself with some more liquid like drugs into her arm) I looked and saw Mom with a bright light surrounding her. I wanted to hug Mom. (Marley finished her cigarette and joint, putting them in water cup, and snorts up some crack.) But I felt my body breaking down, my energy going out as I wanted to hug Mom. I told myself I had to hug her just this once. I had too.
I took a step forward...
Everything went black.