Open Wounds

by 216BLT

AU: The past is the past. Puck, Santana, & Rachel Corcoran have moved on from theirs, but when their mother decides to take in a teen, old memories resurface. Also, new scars are made as they navigate through adolescence, ones that might not heal.

28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

amandaes417 – it doesn't matter how long you take you review – I just love that you review. They are on their way to Florida at the beginning of next chapter but because of events happening in this chapter it may not be as happy as it was meant to be. Please brace yourself for this chapter a lot is going on in this one as well. Thanks again for the review.

Emily - Thanks so much for your review. Puck is certainly not an afterthought in Shelby's mind trust me - she does not want him giving up his dream to make sure his sisters are safe. And that will be explored more in Shelby's one on one's with him. However, there are some things that Puck will accept better when coming from another man's point of view and if Leroy was alive he would have a "mans" point of view. Unfortunately, he is not so it that task belongs to his uncle. I am certainly not saying that single parents can't raise a child of the opposite sex properly because my sister is a single mom with a son however, when it comes to talking about sex with him I think my nephew would benefit by both a female and male point of view. And since Shelby has a brother in law that can step into that role, she will use her whole family to help guide her kids to grow into healthy loving adults. The trauma that his sisters endured is bad and when it happened so early in their lives it has affected all aspects of how they see and interact with people. Puck being the oldest and not sexually assaulted could handle things better - although he has been through lots of therapy himself. Puck has taken it upon himself as the big brother to try and help fix their lives and not think of himself much - this will be addressed as well. As much as the bad people have been uber bad - I think I have shown also there are good people in this world. Unfortunately there are kids every single day in high school as bad as Ruth, Finn and Whitney. High school is a very very rough place to be sometimes. Judy is an alcoholic that hates her own life and is intent on destroying it as well as her childs - to let your husband rape your daughter and not do anything about it is beyond awful and it unfortunately happens in real life way too often.

Lulu - Amazing that you read it in one sitting! Thank you - Shelby is an amazing mom and she will constantly be tested but she will prevail. It may be rough but these are real things that do happen so she will tackle them head on. thank you for reviewing.

Fangirl44- Thank you for your review. Shelby's punishments are great and she could see that the "groundings" were not working as of late. She will certainly go back to them at some point but at this moment all the kids need structure and she needs to be able to keep them in line to move forward. Rachel's opening a little will most likely shut a little in this chapter for obvious reasons but it is a long story and with the love and encouragement from her family it is one that she will overcome.

needscoffee – thank you so much – San and Quinn are more alike than they want to admit so they will be bonding a lot more in the coming chapters too.

w1cked – If you hated Will that chapter you are going to really hate him this chapter – but this has been planned from the beginning so please hang on and stay with me. Shelby finds out this chapter that Kurt has stopped going to the lessons – but the question remains if Rachel will tell about what is happening. She may go to a dark place but please remember this story is not over anytime soon – Thanks for the review and grab yourself a box of tissues.

Shauna – Shelby does need lots of hugs because there is lots of drama and issues going on with her 4 kids right now. As much as she is a trained therapist – she is also the mom so her heart breaks for these kids. She has a lot of support and that is what they need. Rachel is an eleven year old trying to figure out what is going on and how she can grow up and not be treated like a baby – she is on the fence on what to do – hang on because things get bumpier for her – Thanks for reviewing

NayaFan – Sitting on the roof was a favorite thing of mine – time for me to think about things away from everyone else so I felt like Santana would love that – Although they are turning into sisters Rachel and Quinn's relationship will be different than Rachel and San's because of what they went through and I am enjoying the different aspects of them all. I have to say I love it when I get a review from a fellow writer because I know you know the need to make the characters feelings expressed in different ways. Thank you so much for reviewing.

Iuterpi – Thank you so much for your review. The family is bonding nicely but there are bumps and will continue to be bumps because the stuff that they have all gone through is not small. Noah is going back into regular therapy because Shelby notices this and needs him to start focusing on himself more. As much as he is there for his sisters and his mom – he needs to be an 18 year old kid and realize that making himself better will make his sisters better. The Rachel alarm is one of my favorite parts as well. I am happy that you are enjoying this story so much I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. As I said the chapters are already planned out so barring illness or an increased workload the schedule so hold.

Cookie – Thank you so much for reviewing. I am so glad that you like Santana – she is a challenge to write but one that I am more than willing to take. Santana is learning to love all over again and with Brittany and to some extent Quinn is now is going beyond her family – although she does consider Quinn her family now. She now will have to accept that she is worthy of love but that will take her time to figure that out.

SuzQQ – Please don't think that I don't love your lengthy reviews because I do – a lot. Mr. Schue is going to have another meeting with Rachel but this part of the story was planned from the beginning and as was most of what happens in this story so as hard as it is for me to write – it is where the story must go to have the ending that was planned. You are correct the interactions between everyone is always different because the abuse, the trauma, their personalities are all different so the way they express themselves is all different. Boot camp will be torturous and it will continue even after FL for awhile. Thank you for your continuous support!

.there – this chapter will definitely Santana and Rachel moments and as they bond more and more you will see all the siblings (which includes Quinn) bonding more – with maybe a few arguments because who doesn't fight with their siblings. Changes is still very near and dear to my heart. I am continuing I just don't when I can post a quality chapter and I don't like to put out a date and miss it. Thank you for reviewing.

broadwaybound2016 – Thank you for your love! I am very happy that you liked it. I used to do it when I was a kid so I pictured it for Santana. I promise more Rachel and Quinn moments too.!

Kimberlli – Well if there really is a Mr. Schuester type teacher in your area run far and wide from him. I am hoping that this story will get all of us through this long hiatus – but it will be filled with lots of angst so I hope people will enjoy the ride. It will be a tough one but I am doing my best to show continued growth as well as a well written story. Thank you for your kind review.

Gleek1990 – Hold on to your seat and have a box of tissues ready because your feeling is correct. It is more evident in this chapter that Quinn is one of the family now more than ever. Thank you for reviewing.

MaJorReader619 - Well hold on because the Thursday meeting is in this chapter and it is filled with all sorts of drama. Then off to FL next chapter.. Thank you for the review.

piecesofyourheart – Well he is not going to die anytime soon if at all – unless one of my readers jumps into the story and kills him. Shelby is the ultimate mama bear in this story. The show did not do her the justice. Wasted Idina's acting ability in my eyes but…. She now feels she is truly Quinn's mom and will do anything for her new daughter – no matter how much Quinn fights it – she is her mom. They are leaving for Florida in next chapter but unfortunately events leading up to Florida may not allow them to have the happy time that they want to have in Florida. Your words regarding my writing made me so happy. Thank you so much.

marinka4 – please be sitting down when you read this chapter then. Things are going in the direction you think they are. Florida may not be a happy time for all. Thanks for your continued support.

Tcathing – more epic heartbreaking I am afraid. Rachel is eleven and very stubborn sometimes. So read with caution. I promise in the end of this long story – we are not close to the end – things will find a way of working out. Thank you for reviewing and I hope you continue reading.

Abbie – Take care of yourself. I am sorry you are having a rough couple of weeks. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my story.

OhhsnappitsTashaa – you cannot wait for the drama well here it is – and it is dreadful. Shelby will need all her supermom skills for this chapter and more. But she will do it and so will her mom, sister, and other relatives. She is a great mom but she also needs her support to get them through this – thanks for your review. I am honored that it is your favorite story.

NinjaGleek21 As much as you want to set him on fire – not yet – he has a little longer to go trust me and then I think I can unleash my readers on him. I will leave you to dispose of the body ok – Thank you for your support with this story but hold on – this chapter is going to make you hate him more.

Renata – The other cheerios will not be joining in on bootcamp. This is shelby's new form of grounding and these kids need it. Even though they hate it – their minds need to escape the trauma and drama that they are living. It is an outlet for them and if Shelby chose to stop punishing it would look like a sign that she is giving up which is something that she would never ever do. Florida may be rough after this chapter but they are going and there will be some happy moments. Thank you for continuing to review.

HIsland429 – Brittana is strong in this story but it is all new to them and they will have their struggles. It's definitely an aspect I'll explore for awhile. Nothing bad happened to Kurt – except his ego was hurt. Thanks for reviewing.

Ryoko05 – Ok please read this chapter in a calming place. You are not going to be happy but I have to go here. So no heart failure – please I cant be held responsible. I hope you like it. Thank you for reviewing.

thisisnutz – I am glad you enjoyed this chapter – please hold on for this chapter. It is a crazy one. Thank you for reviewing.

OTHangels – Brittana will work things out and the parents do notice that they need to communicate but at the same time – they can not condone their behavior and Santana has been acting out a lot and it is not in Shelby's nature to let Santana get away with things. She needs discipline because her and Quinn are wild cards that act impulsively before thinking it out and that would not be good later in life. Thanks for reviewing.

TommyH – you can definitely picture Rachel as a pillow pet! Thank for your review.

This chapter is whirlwind, and a difficult one at that. It's difficult for more than one reason. Some of you since chapter 1 have been talking about Will and Rachel. It all really begins in this chapter. Some of you expected something to happen and you all need to be prepared that this chapter is triggering. However, I don't think anyone predicted what happens. I'm very nervous about how you all are going to react to this chapter.

Santana glanced around. It was six in the morning. Santana hadn't seen the sun rise in ….. She couldn't remember when. She didn't remember the sunrising, let alone be outside in running clothes and her sneakers. Rachel had her sweatshirt hood pulled up over her head. She tugged the strings on the hood of her sweatshirt with nervousness. Sue Sylvester arrived. Santana could see Rachel look up at the older girls and leaned in to her side as she simultaneously slipped her hand into Quinn's, who stood on the other side. She tilted her head from side to side in the most childlike ways. Quinn looked exhausted as if she had been up all night debating. She still looked pensive. Santana narrowed her eyes when she spotted her brother. He looked like he was hungover. Not just tired but as if he was in physical pain. His eyes were slightly closed. She scowled. Was he sleeping? Finally, her eyes stopped on Brittany who was standing next to her. She felt her face relax. She and Brittany had barely spoken since she arrived about five minutes prior. They simply kept looking at each other. At countless glance number unknown, Rachel finally asked them what they were doing. She wasn't sure what she was thinking, but her neck seemed to come unhinged and look over at Brittany. She had questions, concerns, and then she had nothing other than a desire for a reason to ask her something. They hadn't spoken about anything real since the cat walk. She felt she was a lost balloon; she was flying, but she was full of air.

Santana didn't know what to expect. She bit her lip; she lied. She had been practicing with Sue for two years. She knew exactly what to expect. She knew how Sue could push her. She was worried.

"Morning, sloppy babies," Sue said with her hands on her hips. Rachel looked up at Santana. "Don't worry, baby Corcoran. I don't bite hard."

Santana felt Rachel tug on her arm. "Does she really bite?"

"No," Quinn and Santana said immediately.

"Yes," Brittany and Noah said honestly.

"Alright," Sue said raising her whistle. "Let's get started."

Santana felt like she was going to die. She wasn't in terrible shape. She was in the best shape of her sixteen years. She had abs for Christ's sakes. However, it was now seven am and they were still in bootcamp and she was dead. Sue had them do a run sprint similar to what her mother had her do the day before. Rachel started to slow down behind the others. Santana shot Sue a warning look.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, Tweedle Tits" Sue said casually. "Baby Corcoran, grab a bike on the next lap past your house."

When the run- sprint finished. Sue had them start on a race-relay of suicides, up downs, and push ups. Rachel had to do two minute-five minute bicycle sprints around the block. Countless suicides and push ups later, the five of them were back at the house sprawled on the lawn hoping for death to take them away.

"How's it going?" Shelby asked emerging from the house to greet Valerie with a cup of coffee when the other mother pulled up.

"I've died. I'm dead," Santana announced.

Quinn turned on her side on the lawn. "I think my heart's under the car or in the drive way or maybe in that tree over there."

"I feel like sh-" Noah felt a tiny fist slam in him in the gut. "Gah... I feel like poo. Poo that has been reprocessed and then thrown up..."

Brittany frowned from the ground. "That means someone ate poo."

"Who ate poo?" Rachel asked propping up on her elbows. She winced immediately. "Oh my body."

"Okay, guys," Shelby said. "Thank you, Sue."

"I do not thank you," Santana growled standing up and helping the others to her feet.

"Oh, just you wait," Sue smiled. "I'm just getting started. We are all lucky that these are only one-a-days, but we will take a break since you're going to slack off in the sunshine state."

"Oh, they will not be slacking," Shelby laughed. "We'll definitely keep them busy."

"I think I fell apart," Rachel moaned as she stood up. "It's like I'm Jell-O, which is made of animal bones and-"

"Come on, bug, walk it off," Quinn muttered leading Rachel in, with her back to the family who all seemed to stare after her.

She looked up at her as the rest of the family slowed and watched her. "You never call me that," Rachel said everyones thoughts out loud.

"I'm trying it," Quinn shrugged with her back turned to everyone else briefly with a shrug. "Whatever."

Rachel looked back at her mother who simply gave her a reassuring smile.

Noah ushered them into the house. "Move it. Let's go. I'm starving."

Santana watched Quinn lead Rachel in. She didn't realize she was frowning, but she was because it faded when Brittany stepped into her line of view.

"That was brutal," Brittany laughed. "I um...My mom said she would talk to your mom about me coming over tomorrow to say goodbye."

Santana gave a smirk. "It's only four days."

"But we can't text so... It's forever... And quality time with my parents makes it even longer..." Brittany shifted her weight. Clearly, there was something on her mind.

"What?" Santana asked.

Brittany pulled out a piece of paper. "Your mom said I could give it to you." Santana looked at the piece of paper.

She looked at the piece of paper. "Oh..." Her mouth tried to get around her words but she felt like she resembled a fish. "Thank you," she murmured. She reached out with trepidation and took the folded note. "I …. I don't have anything for you."

Brittany smiled. "I know." She reached out and took Santana's empty hand. "You don't need to. You can just respond."

Santana nodded. All of the sweaty looks they had been exchanging seemed like enough. Santana bit her lip. How was she supposed to come up with words? She was clamming up. "I should go..." she said quietly looking at her feet and taking her hand back. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

Brittany's face was slightly deflated. "Hopefully," she said quietly.

The brunette nodded. She lifted her hand with the letter. "Thanks again." She turned quickly and practically ran into the house, leaving Brittany unsure of her words, said and written.

…...

Showered and still exhausted, Quinn laid her head on the counter. She looked at the clock and groaned. She had to see her mother in seventy-three minutes. She felt too comfortable here because of that she felt like everything was going to fall apart. She could feel it. It was impending. She shook her head. Ever since she let 'bug' slip out when talking to Rachel, the youngest Corcoran had been permanently attached to her side like a parasite. Things were too perfect; if anything was ever close to being good she felt like it was going to crumble.

"I'm finished," Rachel announced rinsing out her smoothie cup.

Santana was still eating her food. She and Noah were starving because of the long workout. Quinn toiled with her own shake, but Santana noticed the blonde actually finished it. Rachel never ate a lot so the fact that she finished the entire smoothie was an accomplishment. It amazed Santana that she wasn't hungrier after that workout, but she was also aware of her history. Rachel didn't eat a lot. She didn't look malnourished, but she did look skinny; it was something they were used to. They didn't push her. They never did in that area. It had taken too many years for even solid food meals to make their way into her diet and then she began a vegan thanks to that field trip theme day: Where Do Hotdogs Come From? Farm to Bun. Santana smirked. Shelby along with most of the other parents had not been happy because most of the kindergartners went on strike at every meal. Santana continued to eat. and gave Rachel a soft smile as the girl approached her.

"Rachel, you did well but you need something else," Shelby said opening the pantry. "You too, Quinn."

"I'm full, Mom," Rachel said leaning against Santana's right side as the older girl continued to eat her eggs and finish her oatmeal and fruit with her left hand. Rachel pointed to the sink. "I drank the whole shake." She pointed to Quinn. "So did, Quinn."

"And it's not enough. You all burned a minimum of nine hundred calories. The workout was two hours. It's not even noon yet. You need more than that four or five hundred calorie shake. You're not starting the day out with negative calories."

Santana felt Rachel's eyes on her as she took another bite of oatmeal. She knew that Rachel was looking for some sort of support. Santana reached out and pulled Rachel closer. However, she remained silent, because Santana knew that her mother was right.

"Mom," Rachel whined.

"Enough, Rachel," Shelby said handing Rachel a box of vegan rice cakes and organic peanut butter. She reached into the pantry and also grabbed two Cliff Bars. "Both of you, two rice cakes with peanut butter and a bar."

"Mom," said a quivering voice.

Shelby looked at Rachel. The girl was tearing up. "I drank my shake like I always do... like I always do...Why are you... You've never pushed me like this."

She looked at her crying daughter. She had to push though because now more than ever she seemed to notice that Rachel was not catching up with the kids in her class. She was barely seventy-five pounds. It never stuck out more than this year when everyone seemed to be developing at a rapid pace and Rachel was still, as always, behind. She made sure that Rachel had her nutrition but it was a battle and it was done in small spurts and mostly in vitamins. Santana and Noah had fit bodies and always ate like starving animals after a practice. Rachel's "binging" was finishing her shake after a long dance rehearsal. It worried Shelby, but it never worried her as much as it worried her in this past week. As she started to map out her approach with Quinn's eating, she realized that the main advantage that Quinn had was that her tiny meals allowed was that she had greater protein sources that Rachel. Quinn ate chicken or cheese or yogurt to revive her body. Rachel at most had peanut butter as a protein source.

"Rachel," she said looking at her. "I know this is a change and that it's scary but you need to eat more. We can work together and do it. You can make charts. There can be options, but we need to increase what you eat. That's not up for discussion." She turned to Quinn. "You need to eat more. We've talked a little bit about this, but starting now, the two of you are going to have an eating plan."

"Why?"

"You know why, Quinn," Shelby said. "You don't eat enough. You know you barely skimp by and we need to have you eat more."

"I'm not going to turn into some kind of hippo!" the older girl spat.

Rachel looked at everyone with wide eyes. "We're going to be hippos?"

"No," Shelby said rolling her eyes. "It's not about gaining weight, Quinn and I think you know that."

Quinn steeled her jaw and looked down at the bars. It wasn't. It wasn't about being fat. She knew she was too active for that. It was that she couldn't do it not that she didn't want to. It reminded her of too much. Why eat when you were going to throw it up? How could she change a survival skill that she had practiced for sixteen years.

She shook her head at Shelby. "I'm fine," she insisted.

Rachel watched her. "Me too," she said with a nod.

"This isn't a debate, girls." Shelby looked at them.

The kitchen seemed to come to an awkward still.

Quinn looked over at Rachel as the tears fell silently down her young face. She was sure that it was because the girl was tired. However, Quinn didn't have tears left in her. She felt like had achieved her tear quota for the week. She watched Rachel and realized she wasn't sure about why the girl was upset. Then it hit her: Ruth had said something about sodomy. While her father had put her through hell, she hadn't had to experience that. She remembered reading online that Rachel had been in the hospital for over a month and she recalled Noah telling her that Rachel had stayed at the shelter because she needed medical assistance. She looked over at the eleven year old. That must have been why.

"It's my body," Rachel whispered.

Santana and Noah both paused mid-bite. Santana looked at her brother. Rachel hadn't said that in years. It was something that they heard during Rachel's meltdowns. It was a phrase that Shelby would whisper her to help calm her down. Santana slowly chewed her oatmeal. She looked over at her family. Rachel was crying. Shelby looked at her. Santana could tell in her eyes that she's replaying the long nights where Rachel woke up crying or the unforgiving and endless doctor's appointments that had Rachel begging to go home.

"Rachel," she said quietly. "It is your own body, but you need to take care of it and you're not. You're eleven and you're starting to go into puberty-''

"No, I won't," Rachel whispered moving closer to her mother so that the others wouldn't hear. "I'll always be like this..."

Shelby tried to suck in her chuckle. "You will not, honey. I promise." She signed. "And in order to grow and get stronger and be better you need to eat better."

"Yeah, Rach you'll be a better Cheerio if you eat," Santana said. "Right, Q?" She arched her brow.

Quinn frowned, but didn't answer.

"Who said that I would become a Cheerio?" Rachel said with an angry frown.

The older kids looked at her with a mixture of frowns. Shelby held up her hands. "We will discuss Rachel in high school later. Thank you." She turned back to the fact of her indignant youngest. "You, Quinn, and I will sit and eat together."

Quinn looked up and said, "I didn't say that I wanted to."

"I didn't say you had a choice," Shelby responded as she placed the food on the counter. "Let's eat." She reached over and wiped Rachel's tears.

Shelby handed Rachel the bag of rice cakes. The girl took one and gave it to Quinn. She paused and looked up at her. Quinn hated that look. It was probably the first time she received that only kind of look and she hated it. She sighed and took the bag. She hated that look so much.

An hour later, Quinn sat quietly in her room. So much had happened. Too much had happened. School, the Corcorans, her father. She hated investing in feelings; she hated feeling. And here she was, getting comfortable. She shook her head slightly; here the world was reminding her not to be comfortable by serendipitously scheduling a meeting with her mother. As usual, she wanted to stay from the visit. However, also as usual, she didn't have a choice. She had a shred of hope because maybe her mother wouldn't show. She chewed her bottom lip. She knew that that usually came with a high price.

"You ready?"

She looked up and Shelby was standing in the doorway. Of course she wasn't. She didn't want to go.

She gave a small, tight smile. "Yeah."

The ride was strange. Shelby kept talking about how the other kids were at home doing their essays and what the rest of the day would look like. She kept gazing out the window trying to predict what person her mother was going to be today.

"Are you listening, Quinn?" Shelby asked as they stopped at the light.

"Not really," she muttered.

"I wanted to thank you for this morning," Shelby said. "I know that the food thing is hard..."

"You kinda don't," Quinn said in a natural, defensive tone. She bowed her head. "Sorry."

"Well, if you could tell me your favorite food we could cook that," the woman offered as the light turned green.

The blonde frowned. "I don't have a favorite food." She folded her arms. "I don't see that there is anything wrong with what I eat. Like Santana said, you can't be a Cheerio and make it through all those workouts unless you eat right."

"It needs to improve, Quinn. You know it does. I am tracking Rachel's food and calories and I will also track yours. If you improve this next week while we're in Florida then I will leave you alone, but until then I'm doing it."

Quinn shook her head. This was all just crap. Her frown faded when her mother's Cadillac came into view as they pulled into the parking lot. In all honesty, she knew her mother never backed down from a fight. Nevertheless seeing her mother's car made her back down from fighting with Shelby over rice cakes and instead made her want to fight with the rice cakes as they tumbled in her stomach. She never realized that the first sixteen years of her life she had been so tense until she lived in a house where she could feel relaxed. However, it seemed the only indication that she was relaxed at the Corcorans was the fact that she felt so anxious in her family's presence.

"I'm going to walk you in and sign you in, but then Jackie's going to walk you back to your mom," Shelby said as she put the car in park and unbuckled her seat belt. She took a deep breath and looked at Quinn. "You remember what I told you about your visits?" Shelby didn't give her long to answer or maybe she did, Quinn thought, but she was too distracted by the rice cakes. "You don't have to do this unless you want to."

Choice was never something that Quinn had with her family. It was a foreign concept.

"I'm fine," she assured.

She felt Shelby staring at her for a few extra moments before finally she climbed out of the Range Rover. Quinn looked around as Shelby signed her in and talked quietly with Jackie.

"I'll see you in two hours, Quinn," Shelby said gently pulling Quinn in for an expected hug, but still the girl only barely hugged back. While she now accepted the hugs, it didn't mean she gave them. "Have a good visit."

The blonde nodded and watched Shelby leave. She couldn't help but feel more somersaults.

"Let's walk back," Jackie said.

The visitation room was decorated like a comfy playroom packed with toys for younger children and shelves that were full of games and books for all ages. Her mother was sitting at the dining room table that was set up near the mini kitchen area.

"Hello, Quinn," Judy said as she remained seated on the couch. .

Quinn snuck a look over at Jackie, who pulled a chair up about six feet from them and settled into it with her notepad and pen. She looked down at the pen and paper. "It's alright. Ignore me. I'm just going to sit here and write down what happens and what is said," the case manager said as casually as possible. Quinn sighed and turned to her mother.

"Hello," Quinn said quietly.

"Well, aren't you going to give me hug, Quinn," Judy said standing up. "I haven't seen you in awhile."

The blonde stared at her. Her mother was really putting her best face forward. This surely wasn't her. Nevertheless, she took a step forward and gave her mother a loose hug. Quinn watched Jackie take a seat a few yards away from them. Judy sat next to her on the couch. She had no idea what to say to her mother. She was surprised she showed up, let alone passed the breathalyzer test. Shelby explained to her that her mother had to come an hour early to take the test to see if she could even stay for the visit. She watched-from the corner of her eye as her mother looked at Jackie and then looked at her.

"I was told you're leaving for Florida tomorrow." There was a tone in her mother's voice that Quinn didn't recognize. "How lucky are you." Suddenly, Quinn recognized it. It was her mother's tone that she used at the club. It wasn't as threatening to others, but it was meant to be a threat. Every word of it. "We had a marvelous time when you visited your grandmother." Judy turned to Jackie. "My husband's parents estate. His father died a few years back. His mother is generous and kind. Respectable and graceful people." She turned back to Quinn. "Isn't that right Quinnie?"

Quinn bit her bottom lip. They were anything but.

It was the summer before her thirteenth birthday that they spent in Charlotte, North Carolina. They were only there for a week. However, it had been the longest week of Quinn's short life. They lived on a marvelous estate. It was just as Quinn pictured the south: tidy, clean, and classy. It was where her father grew up. All she new about her father was that he was tough and harsh. Imagining him as a child was an impossible task.

She stood outside, a heavy wooden door stared back at them. Quinn's heart was in her throat. She didn't know what to expect. The door finally opened. A large woman stood there staring at her.

"Our things are in the car," her father huffed pointing at the car. "Come on," he barked. The family followed him into the house. It was large and looming. Pictures of people, and probably dead people, Quinn assumed, lined the walls. They had her father's harsh stare.

"Russell," a growl echoed into the foyer, where they all stood.

They entered what Quinn later found out was the drawing room. In a tall-backed chair was a grouchy looking woman. A cane leaned against her chair. Quinn took a half step back, bumping into her sister who pushed her forward. Her father grabbed her roughly around her arm and shook her.

"Manners, Quinn," he hissed. She bowed her head trying not to flinch at his iron grip.

"I've heard a lot about you, Quinn," the woman said with a sneer. Quinn looked at her with big eyes. "And all the failure you've brought on our family."

Quinn looked at her mother. Her grazed the back of her teeth trying to stay calm.

"Well, that woman-" Judy began.

"Judy," Jackie warned from her seat.

The older blonde gave a grimacing smile. "Shelby is taking you to Florida and so she requested some of your summer clothes." She looked at Jackie. "Jackie is holding them for you for some reason."

"You'll get them after the visit," Jackie said with a small smile.

Quinn nodded.

"I hope you have a DEAR time," Judy said with a smile. "Eat all of your meals. Don't want to be rude, right?"

Quinn stared down at the table. She felt her heart beating rapidly in her head. She knew exactly what her mother was referring. Perhaps to Jackie it sounded pleasant. However, their time in Charlotte had been terrible for Quinn.

"Your food isn't finished," the woman known as her grandmother announced to the table.

All of them sat gathered around the decadent dining room table. Everyones eyes fell on Quinn.

"I'm sorry," Quinn said. "I'm just very full." She tried her best to avoid her father's eyes. She couldn't eat. She didn't know if he would be visiting her in the evening like he did back at the house in Lima. She didn't know what he did here. However, either way, she couldn't eat big meals. She threw them up. She simply couldn't.

"I won't stand for this disrespect," the woman said sitting up. "Come here, child!"

Quinn folded her napkin in her lap and stood. It was such a long walk to where her grandmother sat. She held her head high. If that was the only thing she learned from her family that she truly embraced, it was pride.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," she said trying her best not to break eye contact.

She didn't expect it so she couldn't prepare herself. A hard, harsh, and loud smack echoed through the room and whipped her head to the side. She had slapped her. She had slapped her so hard that Quinn felt as if her teeth were shuddering in her mouth still. She kept her head down, scared to look up. The woman grabbed her chin roughly and brought her eyes up to meet hers.

"You know by now you're a disgrace to this family. I will not have you disgracing me at my own table. If your grandfather was alive he would take you out back and make sure you know you feel the raw sting that all the rest of us feel having you in this family." She looked down the table. "But he's not here. So, Russell," she said as she gripped tightly onto Quinn's upper arms. "That's your job to discipline your daughter."

Quinn was still holding her cheek when her father took her roughly and led her down the hallway.

"You know where the belt is, Russell," she heard her grandmother call.

She didn't look at her father. She knew what was coming and there was no escaping it.

Her heart was beating so fast in the visitation room that she didn't realize that Jackie was calling her mother's name. She didn't realize that Jackie had been calling her name. She didn't realize that Jackie scolded her mother.

"Quinn, you're going to Florida with this new family. They don't want you.-"

"Judy, you need to stop. That's enough. You need to leave," Jackie said.

Judy didn't to want hear her or she was ignoring her. "You don't belong with them. Stop pretending you do. You remember what happened in Charlotte? It won't be anything compared to what you will experience in Florida."

Quinn broke her her gaze. She broke her thought about how for the entire Charlotte visit she couldn't sit. She couldn't be near her grandmother without being told how worthless she was. She looked at her mother here in this happily decorated visitation room. She looked at her and knew that her mother was right. She didn't belong to them. She shot up from the chair. "Excuse me," she said hurriedly and ran into the bathroom. She lurched over the toilet. She couldn't even hold a rice cake.

"Quinn?" a voice asked. "Quinn?"

She wiped her mouth and stood up. She flushed the toilet and opened the stall. Jackie and Gloria stood in the restroom.

"Charlotte wasn't a happy memory was it?" Gloria asked carefully.

Quinn looked at her and then back at Jackie. She took a deep breath. "No." She was simple and short. "Am I leaving now? You sent her away didn't you?"

Gloria nodded. "Yes. She violated our guidelines. She shouldn't have said what she said to you," she said. "Let's talk in my office."

Quinn frowned but dried her eyes and followed her. She sat down in her office.

"I've been reviewing your file, Quinn," Gloria said. "Straight A student. You are in the National Honor Society as well as Cheerios. Truly impressive."

"So?"

"I realized that perhaps Shelby might not have explained this whole process to you and I realized that a smart girl like you might want to know more about this process." Quinn looked at her with a frown. "We here at CPS are here for you. Shelby talked about your team with you? Made up of Jackie, Elyse, and your placement, Shelby, and Sue. We're all here for you." Quinn shook her head. They didn't know what was best for her. "Your mother is given a case plan. Recommendations that are put together for her to get you back. She goes to court and it's reviewed by a judge and then she has six months to accomplish the plans we set. All of your visits are documented. Everyone involved reviews what happened in your visits. There are rules that she has to follow during the visits. That's why you've never had a complete visit with her. Rules have been broken." Quinn nodded. "There's one person you haven't met. We're all fighting for what's best for you, but there's one key person that fights for you."

"Your lawyer?" Quinn asked.

"No," Gloria said with an impressed smile. "Your lawyer."

"I didn't hire a lawyer," Quinn replied.

"I know," she replied. "You're assigned one by the state. You see in court there is your mother, her lawyer, Jackie, then CPS's lawyer, and then your lawyer. We fight for you as CPS, Quinn, but we don't fight directly for you. Every child that comes through here has a representative in court."

Quinn frowned. "I have my own lawyer?" She shook her head. "I don't even have a job. I can't afford a lawyer."

"It's state assigned. You don't pay for it," Gloria explained. "What I'm trying to say, Quinn, is you have a choice. It's not just our choice and our opinion. Ultimately, Quinn, it's yours. We are all involved in your case. We all talk. You need to know that we're all here for you." She gave her a soft smile. "You don't have to be so stoic all of the time." She took a deep breath. "You have an opinion here. It might not feel like you do, especially with so many people talking at you and about you, but you do. I'm the supervisor of this unit and so if you have a problem you come to me. Jackie's here for you, too, as is Shelby and your therapist. Am I making sense?"

She looked at the woman. She had had the worst forty-eight hours. She had arguably had the worst sixteen years, but she was receiving something that she didn't know how to receive: Genuine free will. and it provoked a strange synthesis of three distinct feelings: hope for something more and confusion about what that something was and doubt if she actually wanted this new found free will.

…..

Santana leaned against Rachel's door watching her carefully. She hadn't said a word since Shelby had left. On top of being forced to eat more than normal, Shelby told her that after today's lesson she was no longer taking lessons from Will Schuester. Now she was in room finishing up getting dressed. She had on a button up dress and tights. Her mother was right. Rachel was no where near where Santana was developmentally at eleven. She was putting things in her backpack like her sheet music and papers on Gable when she noticed Santana standing there. She looked at her but turned away slightly

"You'll find a better teacher, Rach," she said finally from the door.

"It's not just about him being a good or bad as much as it is that no one believes in me." She looked at Santana. "No one."

"That's not true," Santana said coming into the room.

"Well, it feels like it," she whispered. "I know you're trying to protect me … and …. I get that... but... I just need someone to have faith in my decisions and -"

"Rachel," interrupted the tiny brunette. "You're determined and stubbornly so."

"I'm tenacious, Santana," she corrected.

"You're stubborn though, Rach. and even when you know things are wrong, sometimes you do them anyway," Santana bit her lip as she mauled over her words. "And that scares me. I want you to make your own decisions but-"

"You're impulsive, Santana, you fight and you NEVER think about the consequences," she lashed out.

"Yeah, I know," she said simply. "But I'm working on that, Rach. You won't admit when you're wrong."

"Neither do you," the tiny girl said quietly.

"But I don't go against what I feel to prove a counterpoint," Santana said carefully. "You went on that crazy hunger strike last year to prove something that I dont even remember what-"

"That it was was socially and morally terrible to eat meat. I'm telling you, San, the chicken farms and -"

Santana put her hand up and continued, "But you knew at one point that you should stop, but you didn't. You were so scared about going to the hospital when you had that infection that you didn't say a word about it, because you knew you would. And then it was unavoidable. And-"

Rachel looked up at her sister with angry tears. "What's your point?"

"My point is that I'm scared of what you're not telling me," Santana said.

"I'm not," Rachel said quietly.

"Rachel, I've known you your whole life," Santana said. The tiny girl looked up at her. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Rachel said standing, purposefully avoiding her sister's eyes. She started for the door.

"Rachel," she called sharply. "I know you're starting to remember stuff." She said carefully. "That doesn't mean you need to pull away from me."

She watched as Rachel stopped but didn't turn around. Was that it? Was that why she felt so weird about Mr. Schuester? She was remembering? In all honestly, she felt all over the place. She didn't understand any of it. She had no control at school. Voice lessons were the one thing, the one place where she felt accomplished. She didn't understand how she felt about her teacher, other than she didn't want her family to be right.

"I'm not," Rachel said quietly.

"Come here," Santana said from behind her.

Rachel conceded and went to her sister who was sitting in the gliding chair. Santana took her hands and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

"You mean the world to me," Santana whispered looking down at their adjoined hands. "I know that... a lot of things have changed for you in the past month. I know that you're growing up and getting older, but you used to talk to me …. and you're not anymore... It just stopped." She chewed her lip as she searched Rachel's eyes. "I need to know when you're not okay." She gave a smile. "I want to know when you're okay, too... but...You never lied to us before this year, Rach..."

Rachel looked at her with wide eyes. "I … I didn't..."

"You didn't tell us how bad things were at school," Santana said. "You didn't tell us what that bitch-"

"Don't swear," she interrupted.

"What Jeanie did," San finished. She frowned deeper when Rachel breathed more easily. She was relieved. "Rachel," she said sternly. "What aren't you telling me?"

She looked at her big sister. Santana had protected her her whole life. How was she supposed to describe a feeling she didn't understand? Her sister glared at people if they looked at her sideways. Rachel wanted too badly to be grown up. She even knew that her obsession was childish in her head, but it was all she had to look forward to. She needed a future. She gave up trying to be Santana a long time ago, but she couldn't help but look up to her. She was everything that Rachel wasn't and wanted to be at the same time. She just wanted to be brave. It wasn't just about being independent and wanting something of her own. It was that she knew she had to. In her mind, adulthood seem to loom over her head; it was impending. She knew that she was only eleven, but as she looked around her she knew that everyone was miles ahead of her. How else was she ever going to catch up? She was older now. She wasn't going to have her sister fight her battles and feel her feelings for her. It was her turn to do that. It wasn't just about being independent, she repeated to herself. It was so much more than that. If she couldn't deal with her innate discomfort that she was sure derived from her heavy, complex past, she would never be able to deal with anything. She was going to some day be alone; she wasn't going to be lost alone, too.

She looked at her big sister and into her dark eyes. "I just need to figure some things out on my own first..."

"You don't have to do it alone, Rach," she whispered resting her forehead on Rachel's

"Yeah, I do..." Rachel pulled back slightly. "I'll be okay...You gotta let me do this...I'm practically an adult."

Santana frowned and searched Rachel's eyes. "You're not," she said. "But you need to feel safe and you need to come to me or Mom or Quinn or Aunt Joey or Bear or even Noah. Promise me. Promise me you'll come to one of us."

Rachel nodded. "I promise." She chewed her lip.

"What?" Santana asked.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

"What do you mean?" she asked in the most-Santana way that Rachel knew.

Rachel searched her eyes. "You know what I mean."

"No," Santana said slowly. "I don't."

"People made posters of you and Brittany..." Rachel said quietly. "I know you don't tell me a lot but I know enough that you're not okay."

"Rachel-"

The girl looked at her harshly. "Don't do that. Don't pretend that everything is fine."

Santana looked at her sister carefully. She had muted those feelings despite the fact that there was a piece of paper burning in her pocket. However, she still refused to open it.

"I don't know," she finally said honestly. "I don't know how I feel about any of it."

Rachel looked at her and sat next to her. She leaned against her side. "That's not true," she whispered.

"What?" Santana asked with a frown.

"You don't want to feel anything. It's not that you don't know," Rachel responded quietly.

Santana took in her sister's words. She pulled her Rachel more snuggly into her arms and rested her chin on the top of her head.

"Do you love her?" She looked up at Santana. "Brittany, I mean."

What was it with Rachel and all these big questions? "Of course, I do," she said. "But sometimes love isn't enough."

Rachel sat up. "What? That's not true."

"Rach, what was said …. what those posters said..." Santana couldn't even gather her thoughts.

It wasn't that she was just shoved out of the closet. It was that she was pushed into the closet and then yanked out. She was still discovering who she was and who Brittany was to her when she was branded with a label. It wasn't about emerging from the closet and waving her rainbow flag. She hated the damn color guard anyway. She didn't know how to acclimate to this label. She didn't know how at all. She felt like an empty drain before; now she felt like a mislabeled tin can.

"San?" Rachel asked looking up at her again. "You're didn't finish your sentence."

"Rachel," Santana began.

"Sanny," she said quietly. "That's not fair."

She took a deep breath. "I get that," she muttered. "I need to figure it out first before I talk about it." Rachel looked up at her in surprise in her arms. Santana laughed. "Don't look so surprised." She let her smile fade. "I'm trusting you. So I get it."

Rachel rested aginst her. "I always trust you."

Santana smiled again. "and you always should."

…...

Shelby pulled up outside Ming's Italian-Chinese Bistro Sandwich Shop. Quinn looked at the restaurant. It was easily the strangest establishment in Lima. She always frowned when she went past it. She was sure it was the only restaurant in the country where you could chicken parmesean with a side of order of teriyaki. Shelby snuck a glance at the young girl. She had been told what had happened at the visit. Jackie handed her a bag of clothes that Judy had sent. There had been a few hate letters in the pockets that Jackie had found, but she still advised Shelby to recheck the pockets again before she gave the clothes to Quinn. They were used to this sneakiness, but it was harder when it was this close to home. Shelby sighed at the thought of how much longer this day was going to be. They were going to grab a quick bite to eat and then she was going to take Noah and Santana to their sessions and Joey was taking Quinn to hers and Rachel to her voice lesson. Then home, then the chaos of flying, which despite all the preparation always morphed into a nightmare.

"You ready?" she asked turning to Quinn.

"For what?" she asked looking around. "You don't think I'll ever go back with her, do you?" Quinn asked suddenly. "That's why you're pushing this... This family thing. Isn't it?"

Shelby took a moment before she responded. "None of us know what the judge will decide, Quinn, but your mother has yet to do anything in compliance with her case plan." She looked at the girl honestly. "At minimum, you'll be with us through the rest of the school year."

Quinn frowned. "Really?"

"Yeah," she nodded. She turned and faced her more directly. "You have done so marvelously so far. I am so proud of you for more reasons than I can say. I want to thank you for that."

"For what?"

"For letting us in," Shelby replied. Who said she had, she asked herself. "I would appreciate it if you were a part of family therapy with us. We're going to discuss what happened at school and check in. You don't have to participate if you don't want to, but I would really appreciate it if you were there, because you're a member of this family now, Quinn. And you always will be whether you live with us or not. It's not scheduled until we get back but I want you to think about it."

"I dont know..." Quinn began. "I don't know how to do this or even how to thank you for what you're doing for me."

"You don't have to. Not now. Not ever. You are not in debt to me," Shelby assured.

"It feels like I am."

"You're not," she said again.

The girl looked up and saw Joey pull into the parking space next to them with a Prius full of the Corcoran kids.

"They adore you, Quinn," Shelby said watching the kids get out of the car. "and the rest of the family that you'll meet in Florida will too." She saw Quinn hesitate. "I know it'll be a change, but think of it as a real vacation. One that allows you to escape." She sighed. "Joey will take you to therapy after this and you guys will pick up and drop off Rachel with her lesson with Will." She watched Quinn for a moment. "I'm glad you're here."

"I know..." Quinn said, even though she didn't.

"Let's head in."

…...

Rachel had been mulling over what Santana had told her and replaying what Quinn has said to her the night before. She couldn't get her draining conversation with her uncle out of her head. Even her brother looked at her just before she left after lunch. It said, "We'll talk later."

She bit her lip. She could see Quinn looking at her in the side-view mirror.

"I'll walk her in," Quinn said as they pulled up.

Rachel pulled her backpack on her and put her hands securely in her jacket as she walked slightly behind Quinn. She had a strange foreboding feeling.

"Rachel," Quinn said.

"What?" she asked quietly as she walked next to her.

"Did you think about what we talked about?" Rachel nodded, but avoided Quinn's eyes. "Did you spend all morning pouting because you're not going back to him?"

Rachel frowned. "What?"

"I know I haven't known you for long, but you remind me of some crazy mini diva fit. Like Mariah Carey or something."

Rachel frowned further. "Why are you being so mean?" Quinn looked at her blankly. "What happened with your mom?"

She softened. "It ended early." She saw Rachel look up at her. "She kinda...She uh...She tried to intimidate me."

"Did it work?"

Quinn frowned at Rachel. "Kinda of..."

Rachel watched her. She wasn't sure how visits went or what it meant to have so many bad ones but she knew she couldn't imagine. She always looked forward to her visits with her mom when they were in in New York, but she didn't have the same memories as the other two. She chewed her lip. Quinn was home to her now.

"She reminded me a trip to my own grandparents," Quinn said quietly, surprising herself with what she was revealing. Rachel looked up at her and knew that it was bad. Quinn went on because she didn't want to hear Rachel's sympathies. "So it was ended early."

"Quinn? " Rachel asked quietly as they turned down the hallway. She saw her look at her. "Do you want to go back to your mom?"

Quinn crossed her arms over her chest. She was battling with the new found knowledge that she had a choice. Now she was being asked what she wanted. Rachel must have seen her trepidation and unsure look.

"I don't want you to go back there," Rachel whispered. "I want you with us." She shrugged. "You belong here with us."

Quinn shook her head. She wasn't sure if she was ready to dive in to that. They neared they classroom.

"Have you thought about what I said?"

"About you being insulting?" Rachel asked.

"Rachel," Quinn said sharply. The girl looked at her in surprise. "You shouldn't be something to try to prove something." She stopped. "Hold on a second. Look at me." Rachel stopped. "Think for a moment why you're going. I don't think you should go. Your family doesn't think you should go, but why are you going?" Her lack of answer offered Quinn her. "You know what you're going to sit outside during my session. You're not doing this."

Rachel looked at her. "I'm doing this for me!" she said. "Please. It's not like there's anything more. You're so against this and -"

"I am because I have a feeling, Rachel. He freaks me out." She gave a heavy sigh and looked at the ceiling. "I don't have a lot of experience with relationships... with anyone. You know why?" Rachel shook her head quietly. "It's trust. The closest people you know can hurt you just as badly as a stranger. If things don't feel right, Rachel, they usually aren't. I don't know how many times we all need to tell you this for it to get through. You need to learn to be cautious, Rachel."

Quinn had never been this harsh with her. Ever. All Rachel could do was look up at her and nod.

"Do you want to stay?" Again a small nod. Quinn gritted her teeth. "Call if anything happens. And if you can't call run."

"I don't think that anything will-"

"I don't care," Quinn said. "Just listen to what I'm saying."

Rachel nodded slowly. "Okay."

Quinn opened the door of the classroom. Suzy Pepper was in there. Again why the hell was the door closed?

"Hi, Rachel," Mr. Schuester said with a grin. "Hello, Quinn."

"Why is this door closed?" Quinn asked.

"It's music," Suzy said. "We don't want to disturb everyone."

"I want it open. And where is Kurt?"

"He's just stepped into the restroom," Mr. Schuester said. "He'll be right back."

"Good bye, Quinn," Rachel said turning to her with big eyes begging her not to embarrass her.

"I'll stay until Kurt comes back," she said casually.

"Aunt Joey is waiting," Rachel said. "You can't be late to your appointment."

She searched the girl's eyes. "Kurt is here, correct?"

Will Schuester laughed. "Absolutely!"

Quinn put on her HBIC look on and pointed to Suzy. "You! Stay here with her until that prancing child gets back."

"I really don't think that's necessary," Will said.

"I don't care," Quinn snapped. She turned back to Suzy and leaned in closely. "If you leave, I will make your life miserable." Suzy looked up with her with wide eyes.

Rachel watched Quinn. She was out for blood. She needed Quinn to leave because then she would realize Kurt wasn't in the restroom. The tiny girl looked at her teacher for guidance.

"Alright, Quinn, back off," he said with a chuckle.

"Quinn, please, just go," Rachel pleaded.

Quinn glared at Suzy and pointed her finger at her. The girl nodded. "I'll see you soon, Rach," she said more gently.

She shot a glare at Will and left the room.

…...

Santana rolled the piece of paper around in her hand. She wanted to open it but she didn't. She knew she had to but she didn't want to. She wanted to open it because she needed to get an idea about what Brittany was thinking. Her brother and her mother were in the front seat. This was her moment to do it. She took a deep breath and opened it.

Dear Santana,

Hi. I'm writing this while I sit in the living room with my parents. This family time is getting so exhausting. I'm so grateful that I have this "bootcamp" thing to look forward to. Not because I like feeling like my insides have exploded on the pavement, but because I get to spend time with you.

I need you to know that I'm scared too. I don't know what this means. I'm not even sure if we're... in a relationship...I don't know what you're thinking and I feel so far from. Now that I just wrote that though, I realize I'm far from myself. I don't know what any of this means. My parents are supportive. They told me they love me no matter what... but I think they said it in the same way that they said it after we washed the roof of my father's car. Remember? It's like... they would prefer I chose differently, but they know I won't, but love trumps it. I don't know. It's like... they love me but not my choice. I can see them trying to get their heads around it. My mother even bought a book. Supporting Your GAY Child. Legitimately "GAY" is highlighted. However, she isn't outwardly disowning me or kicking me out. However, the slight confusion and the hesitation is hurtful. She looks at me differently. So does he. Even though they say they know. It's kinda like when Melanie went to school with the lie that she was going to be a doctor. And then she went through that whole big thing when she lied and pretended she was in pre-med when in actuality she was a special studies major with a concentration in women and gender studies. It's not that our parents don't love us and support us. It's that we're so different than who they thought we were. But love isn't the issue. Does that even make sense? How's your mother taking it?

I'm scared about when we go back to school. And... I know I've said this, but I'm scared that you'll push me away because you're too scared. I know you Santana. I see you. And I'm so scared that you don't see me too. Maybe my doubt in you is hurtful. It's just that you're so much to lose.

Remember when we made that promise to each other. When we became best friends? You're still everything to me. I've been thinking about that day a lot. Mainly because on that day I wanted to kiss you. Don't get me wrong. The pinky promise was great! :) But even at ten years old I knew that you were different. I just... I need to know how you feel. I know your tough. You proved that to me the first time my sister babysat and you tried to push her down the stairs because she scolded Rachel for something. I realized I never wanted to push someone down the stairs for my sister. I love Melanie, but I never wanted to push someone down the stairs for her... Anyway, I've digressed.

I am exploding with all these feelings that I don't understand. They make me want to laugh, cry and throw up all at once. I miss you. I miss talking to you. I knew that things have changed. They were different even before what happened on Tuesday. I don't want to go back to how we were, because I think we were dancing around each other. You know? Like there was a big elephant in the room. I want and I hope we can figure out how to do this.

I hope you have a wonderful time in Florida. I know you always do. You always talk about how great your Nana and Pop-Pop. Please try not to kill Griffin. You're just a lot a like that's why you hate each other so much.

I adore you. I miss you already (even though I see you in the morning for bootcamp).

With love,

your bestie,

Britt

Santana folded the paper up quickly. Her mother and brother were staring at her. "You alright?" Shelby asked.

She nodded. She was fine. She was okay. She was good. She gripped the letter more tightly. She was good.

"Santana?" She looked up. Julia Jacobs was looking at her carefully. She was not sitting in her office. She wasn't sure when she made that transition, but she was no longer in the car. She was inside and in her session. Clearly, her mind was elsewhere.

"What?" Santana asked. She rolled her eyes. "Please don't ask me how I feel."

"What do you want me to ask you?" Julia asked with a smirk.

"I don't know," she sighed. "Nothing?"

"Nice try," she laughed. "Tell me about Brittany."

"She's my best friend," Santana said, but it came out like a spat.

"Okay," Julia said.

"Tell me about Finn Hudson."

"He's an overgrown, beanstalk who's life is clogged in a garbage disposal," She said with her arms folded across her chest.

"Okay," Julia said again. "I'm proud of you."

"For punching him?"

Julia laughed. "No for letting Brittany in."

Santana scoffed. "Well, I'm not doing that very well," she laughed. She thought about the letter. "I don't know how to do this. You remember how long it took me to even be friends with her...I just... I don't know how to do this right... but I don't even know what this is."

Julia nodded. "What do you think it is?"

"I don't know how to ….. I don't know if I'm …. you know... I don't know what it means." Santana smiled softly. "I realized something. You know when you think about your life? And your future. I don't think about getting old with some hairy old man... I think about Brittany and who we could be... and I don't understand that...I don't know what that means. Am I just attracted to her? Or is it blondes who dance?... I don't know. I just don't know."

"And that's okay, Santana, not to know. You're just figuring this out. Exploring your feelings and figuring out who you are."

"That's the problem, I don't want to feel any of this," she said quietly. "It's too much."

"It's not the problem, San," Julia said. "It's the challenge. You have tackled so many hurdles with such admirable strength. Letting someone love you is hard."

"I know that," she said quietly. "It just hurts and I don't know how to be that person. I don't know how to be gay. I don't know how to be a lesbian. I like shaving my legs and I don't want to go to an indie rock fest and sleep in a tent."

"You think lesbians don't shave their legs?" Julia asked. "Santana, I know you're not bound to these stereotypes and I know you know you're wrong."

"I don't know how to do this..." She frowned and blinked back tears with a shake of her head. "The things that have already been said to me. The things at school. It's not about me accepting myself and all that horse shit.-"

"Jar," Julia held out a glass jar labeled 'Corcoran swear jar.' Santana dug out a quarter.

"I don't know who I want to be or who I am. Or any of it."

"Well, my darling girl," Julia said leaning back. "That is the challenge of life. You are anything but a stereotype. Don't try to make yourself one because it seems simpler than tackling who you are."

Santana rolled her eyes. "Dr. Phil, are we finished? I think I've had enough heart-to-heart today."

Julia smirked. "Fine. but is there something else about this that you're not telling me?" Santana searched the woman's face. She could tell that there was a part of this that Santana wasn't ready to face. "When you're ready. We can talk about it."

…...

Rachel watched Quinn leave and slowly peeled off her jacket and backpack.

"Suzy, you can go ahead and leave," Mr. Schuester said. "And make sure to come back in fifty minutes on the dot. I want you to sit out here."

Out here? She froze and looked at her teacher. She felt like this wasn't a side of him she had seen before.

"But Quinn just said - "

"I'm well-aware what Quinn just said, Miss Pepper," he said with an edge, one that Rachel hadn't seen before. However it faded quickly. He looked at both girls with a smile.

"I wouldn't mind if she stays," Rachel said quietly.

"No!" he screamed causing both girls to jump. He slammed his hand down. He took a breath. "No." His voice was calmer. "Your Gable audition is coming up, right?" Rachel nodded. "So we need to perfect your song. And I don't need any distractions." He looked over at Suzy. Rachel followed his gaze. Suzy looked ill.

She could simply prove that it was fine to be alone with him if someone was there with her. He wouldn't care if he was really the bad person he thought. There were good people and bad people in the world. They were distinct and obvious. Right?

"I don't want Quinn to get in trouble, Mr. Schuester. I really don't mind.-"

Suddenly he was close to her face. "Don't you trust me?"

She frowned and backed away slightly. "Well... yes," she said.

"Then show it." His statement came out as a bite. She was confused. He smiled at her and seemed to come back to normal. "Relationships are about trust, Rach. I'm looking out for you."

Quinn had said that. Did she trust him? She did. Right? She watched him stand up and turn back to Suzy.

"Rachel and I have an arrangement. You're not needed here." Suzy looked at him with wide and betrayed eyes. "Miss Fabray is suspended. Isn't that right, Rachel? So you won't have to worry about her." He looked at Rachel with a smirk and the tiny girl couldn't help but feel guilty. He was right. Quinn was suspended.

"Will I have my lessons as normal?" Suzy asked. He smiled.

"Absolutely," he said gently. "You know you're always welcome here."

Rachel frowned. She had a feeling they weren't talking about voice lessons anymore and she couldn't escape a feeling in the pit of her stomach telling her to beg Suzy not to leave. She watched with a heavy heart as Suzy walked out the door.

"Don't worry. She'll be back."

She looked back up at Mr. Schuester. In that moment, she never wished so badly that she hadn't lied to her mother.

…...

Quinn looked in the side mirror back at the high school. There was something off. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something didn't feel right.

"What's wrong?" Joey asked as the school disappeared from sight.

Quinn sighed. "I don't know. It's nothing."

"You sure?" Joey asked as they made their way downtown.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I'm sure." She nodded. Rachel doesn't lie. Rachel wouldn't. She sighed and turned forward. "Things are fine," she muttered more to herself as they pulled into the parking log outside of Elyse's office.

…...

Shelby looked up at her son and set down her magazine in a deliberate way. Santana has just gone in for her session and she wanted to speak with Noah alone.

"You want to do this one on one now?" he asked with a sigh.

"Yes," Shelby said. He set down his own magazine.

"Alright, what?"

"Cut the attitude," she said. "We need to talk about the scouts that have been calling the house that you keep lying to when they request to set up a meeting."

He looked at her in confusion. "How do you know about that?"

"I know, Noah," she said. "I have been waiting for you to confess, because you usually do." She laughed a little. "But I realized that you aren't afraid of not succeeding, you don't want to leave." She leaned forward. "We're going to be alright."

"You can't promise that," he muttered.

"You can't feel guilty for the rest of your life," she said. "You were a boy then. You're still a boy and you have so much more to do."

"Can't I?" he asked quietly. "I have every right to be guilty. You just don't have it in you to blame me."

She looked at him with shock. "Noah," she whispered. "I don't blame you." She looked at him. "Let me tell you something. I feel guilty. I get guilt, Noah. I will feel guilty for the rest of my life, but it is not your place to do the same."

"I don't want to leave Lima, Mom," he said. "I won't." He shook his head. "I'm not pushing you away. I told you this last night. I'm trying to grow up. I'm trying to be a man, but you just see me as a boy. I have helped raise San and especially Rach. I stopped being a boy so long ago."

"In a lot of ways yes, you have," Shelby admitted. "But in a lot of other ways no. I won't stand and let you punish yourself for something that HE did!"

Noah shot up. "I knew what happened in that room, Mom! I knew! I knew what he was doing to Santana too! I couldn't do anything. I'm not going to leave them. I'm not. Something could go wrong."

"Something could go wrong with you right here, Noah," she whispered. "You protect them the best you can, but you cannot control the world."

"Neither can you," Noah responded. "This is what I want. Why can't you accept that? I can build a suitable life in Lima."

"That's true, but you can build an incredible life outside of Lima." She watched her son. "What are you going to do when the girls leave? Hmmm?"

"I'll be here waiting for them, or I'll follow them where they go," he said simply.

She sighed. "I need you to think about what you want, Noah besides to be here for them. For you. What do you want for you?" She shook her head. "I know you haven't sent in those applications on your desk. They're completed why aren't you sending them in."

"It's not what I want," he muttered.

"Okay," she said. "Then we need to figure out what it is you do want. I think you would do marvelously in college, but maybe there's something else you want to do." She looked at him. "We'll figure it out, but I need you to at least try."

He looked at his mother. "Fine," he said finally. "But you have to know that what I decide might not be something you want."

"But promise me that it'll be something you genuinely want."

HE shrugged. "I'll do my best."

She grinned. "That's all I ask." She nodded. "Genuine."

…...

Rachel chewed her lip and frowned. The feelings that had been rolling around in her stomach were now tumbling with full force. She stood behind the music stand and watched Mr. Schuester watching her in the choir room. She swallowed her anxiety. Everything that was said finally made sense. She looked at the clock. The lesson wasn't supposed to be over for another forty-six minutes. Suzy was due back in thirty-six. She chewed her lip. She wasn't sure if she could cope with her uneasiness for another six minutes. She would rather sit on the bleachers and watch the rest of practice, even though no one from her family was there. She could learn something. Right? Maybe she would be a Cheerio.

She mustered up her strength and began to grab her things. "I need to go. I'm sorry. I promised I would watch the rest of practice since they're missing it. You know..."

"Are you alright, Rachel?" he asked gently walked toward her.

"I'm fine. I'm fine," she said hurriedly. "I just need to … I need to go. I'm sorry."

"Rachel, is this about what happened last time?" His voice was kind and gentle. He shook his head. "I knew you were too young for that kind of critique. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. With your past and all... It's hard to deal with stuff normal kids deal with. I should have thought about that." Rachel looked at him. All hopes of being normal were slipping from her grasp. He leaned down and looked her in the eye. He smiled. "Will you forgive me?" He rubbed her arm. She stared at his hand. The feelings weren't going away.

The girl shook her head. She wasn't going to let her own insecurities ruin this. This was her. Not him. He had made her uncomfortable but he hadn't done anything wrong. However, she couldn't look at him. She couldn't.

"I … I …. No, of course it wasn't that," she said as she grabbed her bag and coat. She glanced over at the open door from the choir room that led to the deserted hallway. She just wanted to leave.

"Rachel, come on, talk to me." He looked at her with a smile.

She couldn't talk to him. She felt so strangely around him now. She felt almost scared. She squeezed her eyes shut at the thought. No, this was her. This was her past scaring her present.

"I can't. I'm sorry," she said as she opened her eyes. "I just need to leave."

She started for the door and avoided his eyes. She was almost there, almost out of the choir room. The choir room door that led into the quiet hallway suddenly closed. It more than closed. It slammed shut. She paused for a moment staring at the door before she looked up at her teacher. She looked at teacher in shock. There was definitely something different. He had slammed the door.

With his hand still on the closed door, he looked down at her with a smile. "We're not finished here, Rachel."

…...

"Hey," Shelby said sitting quietly next to her daughter.

"Mom, I just got out from therapy I'm not ready for round 2," Santana said not looking up from her magazine.

"I need to check in with you," Shelby said casually.

"Well, I'm here," Santana said leaning back.

"Please cut the attitude," Shelby said with a pointed look. "You wanna tell me how long you've been sneaking through my closet to sit on the roof?"

Santana paused and looked at her mother. She licked her upper lip and finally spoke. "Since we moved there."

Shelby tried to pretend that she was calm at her daughter's admittance. "Santana, I -"

"Mom, I wasn't going to jump," Santana responded. "I just... needed space. Rach finds comfort in small spaces. Quinn likes being held, even though there's no way she'll admit it. And Noah hits things." She sighed. "I like being up away from things." She looked down. "I'm fine, Mom."

"You're not, San," she said quietly. "That's okay."

"No, it's not," she whispered. "I feel so far from myself. I just I don't know." She shook her head. "Don't tell me that you love me. I know that. I just need to wrap my brain around all of this. I can't even form thoughts." She took a deep breath. "That being said, don't tell Nana and Pop-Pop yet. I don't even know what to say."

"They're going to want to know why you're suspended," Shelby said.

"Blame it on Quinn," she smirked. She let her smile fade. "I don't know how to form thoughts, Mom. Don't expect me to tell Nana. If I just say, I like girls, I don't even know if that's true. I need to be comfortable with this in my head before I say it out loud."

"I would never tell Nana for you," Shelby said. "This is yours, San. It's for you to share not for anyone else." She gave her a soft smile. "Are you excited to go?"

Santana offered a grin. "Yeah," she said with a laugh. "I love flying to Florida. Seeing Rachel all doped up."

"You can't keep making fun of her," Shelby said. "You know she hates flying."

"It's funny, Mom," Santana said.

"While it's slightly humorous, San, I don't want to catch you recording her again on this trip," Shelby said with a warning glare. "She and I were both not happy when you posted her last flying experience on YouTube."

"But more than ten other people liked it," Santana argued.

"Not the point," Shelby muttered. She looked at Santana carefully. "We need to find an alternative to you needing space." Santana sighed. "I don't want you on roofs."

"I know," she muttered.

"I'll think about what we can do," she said. "But tell me when you need space. Maybe we can find a good compromise."

…...

Rachel didn't know what to think. She was frozen.

"Why don't we go back into my office and have a little talk about what's really bothering you?" he asked as he took her coat and then her backpack. She felt numb and outside her body. She stared at him. Her chest heaved in fear and confusion.

"I want to go," she said finally.

"That's not an option, Rachel," he replied. He walked around her and all she could do was look at the floor. She jumped when she felt his hands on her shoulders. He chuckled. "You need to relax. I'm going to give you a massage." She opened her mouth and heard her shaky breaths escape as he aggressively massaged her shoulders.

"I want to go," she whispered again with a tremble.

"Remember a while back, Rachel," he said instantly, as if not hearing her.. "When you had that dodgeball incident? Nothing bad can happen to you because if it does, your mother will be put in jail and your siblings and you will all be split up. And Quinn," he gave a sympathetic chuckle. "Well, let's just say that she will have to live probably far away at some girls rehab program."

Rachel felt tears trickling down her cheeks. She hadn't realized she was crying. All she knew was that she was shaking. He continued to massage her. He rested his chin on her shoulders.

"We wouldn't want that to happen?" he asked kindly. "Would we?" His voice suddenly turned venomous. "You remember how it happened before, don't you? You remember being in that home. You remember feeling alone?" He paused. "All those long nights you spend in the hospital without your mom to hold you?"

"How do you know about that?"

He smiled. "I know everything."

Rachel felt a tear drop to her cheek. "How?"

"How do I know that you were in the hospital for over a month? How do I know that you and your sister lived in that shelter for kids and that neither one of you were ever placed with a foster family like your brother was? How do I know that you were stuck in the system and could only see her when someone was watching you? How did I know that your mother moved back here because your brother and sister were kicked out of their schools for fighting? How do I know that your big brother had to go to a special school after the move to because of his anger fueled him to throw another student through a window? Or that your mother doesn't let you out of her her sight since that incident at the grocery store? Or perhaps how do I know that your stepfather left you practically for dead," he whispered the last part. He paused and continued, "After he had his way with you, which, I also know was practically a daily occurrence..."

Rachel let out a sob. She needed to get out of there. She shook her head. She didn't understand how he knew all of that. She didn't...

"How do I know all of that?" He laughed. "I just do." He circled her. She was scared to move. "If you tell anyone about this," he continued to say lowly from behind her. "Do you know what will happen?"

She was afraid to ask the question on the tip of her tongue. She was afraid of what "this" could turn into.

He walked in front of her and looked her in the eyes. "All of you are older than you were in New York." He ran his hand through her hair. "Your mom will be charged with neglect. You'll get separated. Your brother is now aged out of the system. Your sister will think that she can live with him. They would never let her." She stared up at him. What about- He finished her statement. "You would never be able to live with any of your other CARING relatives because they all hate you. Plain and simple, Rachel. You will have destroyed your entire family. Simply by telling. They wouldn't tell you directly that they hate you but seeing your face." He paused and used his hand to cup her chin and bring her downcast gaze up to him.. "Would kill them." He searched her eyes. He gave a chuckle. "And Quinn... Gosh that girl is a tough cookie isn't she? She likes you." He laughed still holding onto her chin. "She will have no hope anymore and you will have taken that away." He let go of her chin. "This whole town knows what her father did to her. And you took away that last glimmer of hope if you told. You're selfish and thoughtless and alone." He stood up and towered over her. "Look at me," he commanded. She trembled and looked up at him. "Do you understand?" She didn't respond other than continueing to look at him. "You will ruin EVERYTHING."He grabbed her roughly so she was facing him. She let out a sob. "Do you want that?" He shook her shoulders at the last question. She let out another sob as the teacher in front of her transformed into the monster from her childhood.

It was dark. She could feel a heavy pressure on her chest. She feels a heavy panting on her face. It's hot and smells like a bottle that was on the floor in the kitchen. She blinks her eyes and tries to focus. There's a soft, warm light in the corner of the room. She couldn't breathe. She saw her tiny hands push at his chest. She couldn't breathe with him on top of her. She felt her shoulders shake as his hand gripped them. "Hold still, you cunt!" his hissed. "Do you want the belt?" she lay still in fear; she didn't want that at all.

"Don't cry!" Will snapped. Rachel was back in her horrific reality. He clamped his hand around her arm and dragged her into his office slamming the door behind him.

…...…...

Rachel couldn't stop shaking. She couldn't control it. She was laying on her back on the floor, hidden by his big, old wooden desk. He had dragged her back there and pushed her onto the floor. Her button up dress and tights used to be her favorite outfit. It wasn't anymore. She cried and tried to sit up, but he pushed her back down. He had unbuttoned the dress and had it open and exposed her to him. He had pulled her tights and underwear down to her ankles and had her training bra pushed up over her barely-there breasts. He was sitting with his knees on either side of her hips, muttering and mumbling to himself as his weight seems to crush her pelvis He ran his hands up and down her exposed body while she cried quietly. She couldn't form words as his rough hands lingered on her chest. They wandered across her ribcage and lower, lingering more. All she could do was shake beneath him. Nearly naked and completely exposed under him. All she wanted was to be home and safe.

He too had removed his tie and shirt and was only sitting on top of her with his undershirt and slacks on. He leaned down. She heard his pants in her ear and felt his hot breath on her skin. She squeezed her eyes shut. It felt too familiar.

She was laying on her back on something hard. Hiram's smile came into view as he leaned over her. He was panting in her ear. One hand slammed her body down against the hard place. A table? He held one hand to her mouth. "No noises, Rachy," his hissed. She watched him lift his other hand and hold up his index and middle finger. "No noises." His fingers disappeared from view as she felt his hand holding her mouth tightly and then all she felt was pain as she screamed into his hand.

She opened her eyes with a whimper as she felt a hand in her most private area, an area that was touched last year when she had to have an exam because of a bad infection. Her mother had to hold her during the entire exam. She would give anything for her mother to hold her. She could give anything not to be underneath him, trapped. He laughed in her ear. She felt another hand grazing up and down her naked front. She shook her head. "Please don't. Please." She sobbed as she watched him fumble with his fly. "I won't tell anyone. I-I-I promise."

He shot her a look and leaned down on top of her exposed form. She felt his skin on hers. "It's not about you telling, Rachel! This is about me. You're mine now! This is something special that WE have. That we have ALWAYS had!" His eyes were big and his words were terrifying her. He kissed her aggressively on the lips as she cried into his roughness. "Me and you," he hissed as he ground his hips against her.

"I don't understand," she sobbed. "I thought... I don't. Please..."

"Shhhh," he said with a gentle voice. "You'll learn not to cry. You'll learn to like this." He sat up. "I'll make you feel like a woman. I'll make you feel good." He released himself from his pants and ran his hand along the ridgid length.

Beneath him Rachel screamed at the sight, trying to push him off of her. "No. No. No. No!" she sobbed.

He grabbed his tie that he discarded and quickly and effectively gagged her. "Shhhh," he said gently once it was in place. He ran his free hand up and down her exposed body. "Don't worry. Today's not the day. I won't put it in, but today is going to be about me." Rachel sobbed and tried to get up but his knees on either side of her hips held her in place. He ran his hand along his length. "Now," he said gently grabbing her hand and bringing it toward him. "Either put your hand on it or I'll put it in your mouth."

Rachel sobbed into the tie. She wanted to leave. She didn't want to, but she had no other choice but to let her teacher guide her hand to where he wanted.

…...

Shelby stood outside the house. She never did this. She never arrived without calling ahead but she needed to. She needed to do this...

The large white door swung open.

"Shelby?" Carol asked as she opened the door.

"I'm sorry to drop by like this, but I would like to talk, if we could."

Carol frowned but stepped out onto the front yard. "I'll be right back," she yelled into the house. She turned to Shelby. "What is it?"

"How is Finn doing?"

"His jaw is broken. He's supremely uncomfortable," Carol huffed.

"What they did to your son shouldn't have been done, but your son also shouldn't have hurt my daughters that way," Shelby retaliated.

"Daughters? Listen, did you just come over here to antagonize me?" Carol ran her hand through her hair. "I'm sorry. It's been a rough day. I didn't realize how much I didn't know my son."

"I get that. And I'm sorry. I just...I wanted to apologize about how I handled things with you and I hoped we could touch base and figure out maybe a way to move forward."

Carol sighed. She shook her head. "My husband and I aren't talking."

Shelby's eyes darted. "What?"

"Don't look at me like that, Shelby," Carol said. "Kurt likes a boy in his writing class. He doesn't think I know that I know." She trailed off with a shaky smile. "He lights up when the boy comes in." She signed. "Ive been married for Burt for almost ten years. I've watched that little boy grow up. He is my son and Finn and Burt's son." She shook her head. "But with what Finn did... It's now 'my son' 'your son' conversations with my husband." She shook her head. "Burt and I talk about how we will support Kurt..." She looked at the ground. "But now, Burt wants to know if my son will brutalize his son. Kurt is incredible. I love him...Burt and I have been waiting quietly for him. We don't treat him any differently than we always have since I first started watching this boy in writing class. He actually goes to Gable. Maybe Rachel knows him. He has a weird name. What is it?" She thought for a moment. "Blaine, Blaine Anderson." SHe thought for a moment. "We want him to make his own choices I didn't realize that..." Carol trailed off. "I don't know how to talk to Finn anymore."

"I have some friends who might be helpful," Shelby suggested. "However, if Kurt hasn't come out to you, you can't assume..."

"I know," Carol interrupted. "Burt and I try to do best by our kids and some how along the way we royally screwed up one of them."

"Maybe that's why, Finn, just needs more attention," Shelby said, realizing quietly that she was putting on her work hat. "What he did was wrong.-"

"I know that and I am so sorry and -"

"I need to know, Santana and the family needs to know that he's wrong."

Carol nodded quietly. "He will apologize and he will be more respectful, I can promise you that."

Shelby didn't realize that she was going to mention this. "From what I observe, Finn isn't comfortable with himself not just as a friend but as a lover."

Carol frowned. "I ….. What? With that Quinn girl? It was puppy love."

Shelby frowned. "You can't be serious..." She shook her head. "First of all, Quinn is living with me now. She in my heart is my daughter." Carol opened her mouth to ask a question. "Anyway, they were together for almost a year. I know that they were sexually active and it wasn't a healthy relationship."

Carol looked at her. "Did you just come here to tell me how much of a terrible parent I am?"

"No, I wanted to have a conversation with you," Shelby sighed. "I'm sorry. Parenting is hard. I know. Trust me." She took a deep breath. "I came over here because our children are friends. Noah and Finn were friends. Kurt and Rachel. We're adults, but we can't fix everything. that being said we need to try to fix this."

"And how do you suggest I do that?"

"You tell Finn how you really feel about what he did," Shelby said. "And how it affects you and how you and Burt feel about it."

"About how it's destroyed something scared in our marriage and made things VERY uncomfortable in the bedroom and-"

Shelby put her hands up. "Maybe not that part." She looked at Carol. "You can spend the rest of your life wondering where you went wrong and you might, but what you need to do is figure out how to figure out the next step.

"We know that," she sighed. "We will figure out. I'm still upset about what he did, but if you want to talk, I be happy too."

Carol nodded. Shelby started to walk away. She turned. "If Kurt ever needs a ride to his lessons, I would be happy to take him." Shelby felt a panic in her chest at Carol's confused look.

As if on cue, the door opened and Kurt popped out. "Mom, Finn is whining because his milkshake is gone."

…...

He had kept his promise. He hadn't put anything inside. However, this felt worse. Rachel was still trembling on the floor, on her back, behind his desk. He stood up and buttoned up his pants and his shirt. He looked down at her like a happy man. He scrunched down next to her and ran his hand through her hair and she flinched. He chuckled. He reached over her and pulled her up to standing. Her tights were still around her knees, her dress open and her training bra pushed up.

He pushed down her training bra and pulled up her tights. She let out a whimper because the stuff that had exploded from his body was still coating her front. When he moved her bra down and her tights up, the slimmy, cold feeling settled uncomfortably underneath her clothes. She cried out as he rubbed her belly and chest to spread it out more. He squeezed her tightly and made her face him as she tried to turn away. She felt the tips of his fingers digging into her ribs.

"No," he said fiercely. "Hold still like a good girl."

She bowed her head. He buttoned her dress up and rubbed the loose fabric over her stomach and lingered on her chest and lower area, forcing the stickiness to spread. He pulled her into a hug and kissed her temple. "You're mine now," he whispered. He untied the tie gag and kissed her softly on the lips. "That's my girl," he said with a kind smile. Her tear stained face was exhausted and it showed. He grabbed a tissue and dampened it with his own spit and she flinched away as he cleaned her tears. "Who do you belong to Rachel?" She looked at him with a trembling breath. He brought his hand to the back of her head and tugged her hair roughly. "Who, Rachel?"

"You," she sobbed.

He shook his head and released her. "That's right. I marked you." He wiped more of her tears with his thumb. "No more crying. The mark on your arm." They both looked at her arm where he had dragged her into the back. It was bruising. Her short sleeved dress barely covered it. "Listen to me. They're going to ask you questions. You are going to tell them that you fell while dancing and I caught you. And in your fall you spilled coffee on yourself." He chuckled. He grabbed his cup from the desk and spilt some on the back of her dress. It was cold, but it was still another damp feeling Rachel didn't want. She now smelled like coffee instead of …. her thoughts trailed off. "And I have a feeling that you're not going to be a good enough actress to deal with my newly confessed love." He sighed and looked at her confused, tear-filled eyes. "So, you're going to tell them that you're starting to remember because of an innocent touch that you took wrong."

Rachel sobbed. "You know about that too?"

He chuckled still holding her around the ribs. "I know everything." He leaned forward. "Do you understand? That is what you will tell people." She nodded. He wiped her tears again. "No crying." "Now, do we have talk about what will happen if you tell, Rachel? If you tell anyone about our special time together?" She shook her head as the tears started again, knowing she was trapped. "Don't cry now," he coaxed. "You just need to keep our secret. When you go home wash your clothes, okay? You're a big girl and can do your own laundry." She just stared ahead blankly trying not to feel the cool substance drying on her body. "Not a word, Rachel. You put that beautiful smile on your face and you act like nothing happened." He made her look him in the eyes by pulling her chin up with his fingers. "Because what will happen if you say anything?" Rachel started to cry again. "I said no more crying!" He went gently again. "Answer me. What will happen?"

"My mom will go to j-j-j-jail and we'll be separated," Rachel mumbled.

"That's right," Will said triumphantly. "And you will be all alone." He stood up with a smile. "Let's go get your coat on. It's almost time for you to leave."

He guided her out to the choir room. He pulled on her coat and buttoned it for her. Rachel spotted Suzy siting at a desk silently. Had she been there the whole time? Had she heard? She felt her heart racing. What if Suzy told? Everything would fall apart. Her thoughts were interrupted as he tightened her coat around her. Rachel felt the dampness between her dress shift and she frowned in discomfort. "I'll see you next time, Rachel and don't forget to smile." She looked at him with worn eyes. "I said smile." She gave him a weak smile.

Suddenly a noise made her jump. The door opened.

"Why is this closed?" Quinn asked with a concerned look. She looked between Rachel and the teacher. There was something off. She shot a look at Suzy. She looked into Rachel's eyes. Something had happened. "Rach?"

Rachel looked back at Mr. Schuester whose smile hadn't changed. The girl looked back at Quinn. She smiled.

"Nothing. I'm fine. We were just having a loud rehearsal."

Rachel looked back at Will who nodded in approval. "It was a good one."

Quinn frowned. Something was up. "Well, let's go, okay?"

Rachel nodded and walked over to grab her backpack. She bent over to get it and Mr. Schuester looked down at her with the same smile. She took a hold of the strap and slowly made her way back toward Quinn, who was holding her hand out for her.

"Rachel," he called out.

She jumped and Quinn noticed and frowned even deeper. She spotted the look of concern and gave the older girl a reassuring smile. She turned and looked at her teacher.

He waved. "See you next time."

Her face fell. She saw Suzy's look of confusion. She straightened when she saw a flare in his eyes and her smile miraculously regained its strength.

"Come on, bugs," Quinn said putting her hand gently on her back. "Let's go."

Rachel allowed Quinn to lead her out of them room. She looked over her shoulder one last time at her teacher. He had a smile on. He put his index finger to his lips and said barely above a whisper, "Shhh."

…...

"I'll be right in," Carol called to her youngest son.

"Rachel has been telling me that he's been going with her," Shelby said not able to break her eyes from him. Her voice was quiet. She couldn't believe it. "She lied to me."

"I guess we're not the only ones who have problems," Carol said sympathetically.

"I told her I wouldn't go with her," Kurt said suddenly appearing next to his mother. "He liked her too much and hated me and my talent."

Carol and Shelby both exchanged a look. Carol looked at her son. "What do you mean 'liked her too much?'"

"He never even looked at me or helped me like he helped her," Kurt said folding his arms over his chest. "But I also had a weird feeling when i was with him so I stopped going."

Carol gawked at her son. She took a deep breath. "Why didn't you tell me about your weird feeling?"

"I told her," Kurt said relaxing slightly noticing the tension.

Shelby felt like someone hit her in the stomach. "What did she say?"

"She didn't believe me," Kurt said with a frown.

The mothers exchanged another look. "You need to tell Shelby's mother everything that you know, Kurt. Down to the last feeling."

Kurt looked at his mother and then back at Shelby. "He touched her back all the time and smiled at her in a way that made me think about those cheesy romance movies. IT was definitely not the way that he looked at me. It was different. It was weird."

Carol and Shelby looked at each other. Carol could see the woman's panic.

"Kurt, if you ever have this feelings you should always tell an adult," Carol told her son.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"I need to go," Shelby said looking at her watch. The lesson had ended. She needed to get home. "Thank you."

…...

Quinn followed Rachel down the hallway. The girl had her hands gripping tightly onto the straps of her backpack as she gazed at the floor.

"Rachel," she called out quietly. The tiny girl remained the same and continued walking. "Rachel?" No response again. "Rachel?" she asked reaching her hand out touching the back of her arm.

The girl flinched away with a jump. She watched as the tiny brunette squeezed her eyes tight in regret. "What?" she asked quietly.

Quinn walked directly in front of her. She looked at the girl with her bowed head. "Rach, what happened?" she whispered.

"Nothing," she muttered.

"Look at me," she said sternly.

Rachel looked up with big, tear-filled eyes. "Nothing happened."

"Rachel," Quinn whispered. "Tell me what happened."

"Nothing. He didn't do anything," Rachel said. Her tears fell. "It was me...Coffee...I got scared... We were dancing and... He didn't do anything."

"Rachel-"

"Please, Quinn," she said as the tears escaped her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks. "I wanna go."

She wasn't going to let this go, but she wasn't going to do this in the hallway. She needed to do this right.

Rachel stared at her hands. She was trying her best not to move her body because the more she moved the more she felt the dampness underneath her clothing. There were some places that felt less cold and damn and more like dried Elmer's glue. He had rubbed it everywhere on her front. She shifted her legs apart slightly. Below her bellybutton was where it was beginning to harden. He had spread so much of it down there. She didn't see her aunt or Quinn looking at her through their mirrors. All she heard was his threats. She could feel were his hands had been and feel his breath.

The car finally came to a halt. "I need to go to the bathroom."

Rachel sprinted up the stairs, ignoring the calls from Santana, Bear and Noah from the kitchen. She just needed to shower. She just needed to get clean. She turned on the water and let the shower warm up. She shut the adjoining doors to the two older girls' rooms, hating at that moment that her mother didn't believe in locks. She stripped off her jacket and her clothes. She needed to hide them. She couldn't put them in the hamper. She spotted the linen cupboard. It was one that she and Noah used to hide in when they were little. Santana always hated it. She pushed her clothes into the back of it vowing to return to them but not yet. Not yet. She looked at her hands as she pulled from the closet. She was shaking. She squeezed her hands tightly. She couldn't make it stop. She returned to the shower. It was steaming up fast in the bathroom. Hot water kills germs, she thought to herself. Kills germs. She let out a small sob as she climbed into the shower trying her best to will herself to stop shaking. She stepped under the water. She let out another sob. She washed the front of her body vigorously. She just needed to get clean. How did he know? How did he know all that he knew? How did...she trailed off. She couldn't tell anyone. She felt trapped. She felt stuck. She sunk down in the tub of the shower. The water ran over her. She pulled her knees up to her chest. She was so stuck. She was so scared of being alone that to avoid it, she was alone anyway.

…...

Quinn sat in the passenger seat for a few minutes. This felt too familiar. She was going over again and again in her head where she messed up. What had she missed? Walking with Rachel, all she could think about was her father. She wasn't sure why but there was something there and she couldn't put her finger on it. She felt her stomach clench. What if he had done something to her? She had left her with him and- Joey's phone went off. She hadn't realized they were both still in the car.

"Hey, Shel," Joey answered. "Yeah, we just got home and -... What? ….. No, Quinn walked her in..." Joey's face dropped, she looked at Quinn. The two exchanged glances.

"Shit," Quinn hissed. She ran into the house and up the stairs taking the steps two at a time. She could hear the shower already going. Her mind was racing... She had always taken a shower afterward... "Rachel? Rachel?"

"What happened?" Santana asked as her and Joey came to the door.

Quinn met the brunette's eyes. The blonde shook her head frantically as she tried to catch her breath, "She was acting weird. I think something happened."

Santana felt her heart rate pick up. She looked at the door. "Rachel?" she asked knocking on the door.

"Rachel, sweetheart," Joey called knocking on the door. "Can we come in?"

"What's going on?" Bear asked coming up behind them with Noah.

"Let's go to one of the other doors," Noah suggested. There are three entrances to the bathroom.

"We can't barge in on her," Quinn said. "She's scared."

"Yes, we can," Santana said. "Especially if something is wrong."

"Hold on a sec," Joey said as she starred at the closed door. They all waited for some response. They could heard the water running and slight sobs. She turned to Bear. "We're going to need the neb." Noah disappeared down the hallway hurriedly.

"I want Santana," a sob murmured from inside the bathroom.

"Rachel, baby, what happened," Bear asked. There was no answer.

On the other side of the door, Rachel heard the chaos outside. She needed to get out from beneath the water. She needed to get something on before someone came in. She looked at her arm. The bruise was darkening. She slipped while dancing and he caught her. She nodded and repeated it in her head. That's what happened. She wiped her tears. She heard her uncle say he was going to come in. She couldn't... He wouldn't... She needed to get out. She let the water continue running and climbed out.

"I'm coming in." she heard her uncle say.

She sobbed. He couldn't come in here. She didn't know how to lie to him yet. She didn't know how to because he knew what questions to ask. Not that Santana would ask, but San was safe; she always has been. "No!" Rachel screamed. "I want Santana!"

Bear looked at the older girl who already had her hand on the doorknob ready to go in.

"I got this," she said to her uncle. Santana glanced at Quinn for a moment. Worry highlighting her features.

She walked into the bathroom. It was so steamy because of the hot water. She could barely see. She stood close to the shower curtain. "Rach?" she said softly. "Rachel?"

She didn't get an answer. "Bugs, talk to me, what's wrong?" Without an answer again, she peaked in. There was no one in the shower. Jesus. She reached in and turned off the water. "My god, Rach! This is scalding!" She turned away from the shower and looked at her bedroom door that was slightly ajar. She went quietly into her room. Her heart beat fast in her chest. She opened her bedroom door slowly. Rachel was curled up on her bed, dressed in one of Santana's sweatshirts and running shorts that were way too big for her, clenching Santana's pillow.

Santana gave a sigh and walked over to Rachel and pulled her into her arms, rocking her slowly. "I've got you," she whispered. "I'm right here." Rachel sobbed into her neck as Santana heard the front door slam and Shelby run up the stairs. "Are you hurt?" she whispered into Rachel's ear. The crying girl shook her head into her neck. "What happened?"

The door to the hallway opened before Rachel answered. The family looked at the girls. Shelby walked over to them. Shelby looked at her eldest daughter and Santana nodded trying to give the small girl to her mother.

"No," Rachel sobbed.

"Rachel, I need to see you. I need to talk to you," Shelby said gently taking in her daughter's reaction. "I spoke to Kurt's mother. I know he hasn't been to any of the lessons in a very long time."

Santana's frowned deepened. "What?" she asked in shock. She looked at Quinn. "What?"

"N-n-n-n-n-no," Rachel said with tears.

"He told me that Kurt was in the bathroom," Quinn said watching Rachel. "Suzy Pepper was in there when I left and I made her promise to stay until Kurt got back..." Quinn trailed off. "She was still there when I got back..." She looked at Rachel and shook her head. "Rachel..."

Rachel cried into Santana's shoulder, heaving. Shelby's arms were around her ribs trying to take her, but Rachel held tight.

Quinn shook her head. "I …. I … I..." She felt her breath hitch in her chest. She couldn't be in here. She ran out of the room from the mistake that she made. Joey rushed after her.

Shelby sighed and turned back to Santana and Rachel. "Here, Mom," Noah said handing Shelby the nebulizer after plugging it in. Bear nodded and headed out of the room, letting Shelby take care of it.

"Rachel," Shelby said putting the mask over her youngest daughter's face. "You need to tell me what happened. Do you want your brother and sister to leave?"

Rachel shook her head. She sobbed and shook her head. She reached out and took Noah's hand. She was already starting to calm down her breathing. She traced the back of her brother's bruised hand.

"Nothing happened," Rachel murmured under the mask. "I just … I-I-I remembered. "

Santana and Noah exchanged a glance. "You remembered?"

Rachel nodded into Santana's shoulder. Shelby took a deep breath.

"What caused it? Why did you rush into the bathroom to take a shower?" she asked her youngest daughter quietly.

Rachel turned her face into her sister's neck. Shelby looked at her son.

"Rachel, we need to see if you need to go to the hospital. You need to let me look at you," she said gently.

The girl avoided her mother's gaze while turning her head out to look at her brother's hand again.

"Rachel," Santana whispered. "What happened?"

"Nothing," she mumbled. She was crying more silently now, but still enough to heave slightly. "We were dancing and I slipped and he caught me and it scared me. And I remembered."

"Remembered what?" Shelby asked.

Rachel sat up slightly and looked at the three of them. She had to lie. She had to lie. She realized there was a way not to lie, not completely. However, as she began forming the words on her lips she began to cry again, because the truth of remembering that was confusing and hard in itself. She buried her face in Santana's neck.

"The room," she murmured. "I remembered what happened in the room."

Shelby watched the color drain from Santana and Noah's faces. She didn't realize it was draining from her own.

"What did he do? What did he do to make you remember that?" Noah asked trying his best to stay calm.

"He caught me," Rachel whispered. Lying was becoming easier in Santana's arms, as a reminder of what she would lose if she told the truth.

Shelby took a deep breath. "Rachel, I need to look at you. I need to look to see if you're hurt."

"I'm not," she whimpered holding onto Santana more tightly.

"Rachel," Santana said rubbing soothing circles on her back. "Either you sit up and let Mom look at you or I am carrying you out to the car and we're going to the hospital."

Shelby looked at her daughter with pride and heartache, hating that her daughter knew the seriousness of this situation. Rachel sat up and looked at her mother. She turned in Santana's arms and leaned against her big sister's chest so that she was facing her mother.

"Want me to go get George, bugs?" Noah asked gently. He chuckled. "And maybe your own clothes because these clothes are waaaay too big for you. Rachel looked up at him as she bit the corner of her lip, allowing her tears to fall down her cheeks and around her mask. She nodded. "Okay," he muttered. He leaned down and ran his hand over the top of her head. She flinched. Santana looked at her mother over Rachel's head with a flare in her eyes. Rachel reached out and grabbed Noah's hand.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's fine," he muttered. "You want your sweat pants?"

"And your old jersey," she said quietly searching his eyes to see if he accepted her apology.

He gave her a soft smile. "You got it."

"Thank you, Noah," Shelby said to her son. He nodded and exited. Shelby turned back to Rachel.

"He didn't hurt me," Rachel muttered. "You don't have to do this."

"Rachel," Santana said.

"How do you want to do this? Do you want your sister to hold you?" Rachel nodded. Shelby reached and took the mask off. ""Bug, do you know why we need to do this?"

Rachel shook her head. The tears were starting again. "Because you... Because you don't believe me."

Shelby looked at her sadly. "I guess that's part of it, but I know you're scared and I don't know if you remember this but how you're acting right now, this is how you used to act." Shelby felt Santana's dark eyes on her. She knew she remembered. "You used to cling to Santana a lot and just cry. You wanted to take baths a lot. Do you remember that?"

Rachel looked at her mother and looked over her shoulder at her sister. She looked back at her mother. "No."

Shelby took a deep breath. "Rachel, I need to check to see if you're hurt because you lied to me." Shelby caught Santana's eyes and knew that the older girl felt betrayed too. "You lied to your sisters, to your brother and your aunt and uncle. You lied for a reason and I need to check if you're okay."

"I-I-I'm okay."

"You're not," Shelby said. "And that worries me. Something happened and maybe you're telling the truth but you need to understand why I don't believe you."

Her heart broke as her Rachel's chin began to quiver. Rachel bowed her head. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

"Okay,"Shelby said. "Stand up a little, Rach." Rachel stood up slightly but continued to lean against her sister, her safe place. Shelby gave a slight smirk when Santana's running shorts immediately slipped off of Rachel. Rachel grabbed them before they fell down her legs.

Shelby searched. She searched her daughter's young body as she cried silently. Shelby tried her best to be fast, but she was afraid she would miss something. Scenario after scenario was playing in her head. Did he hold her down? Did he hit her? Her mind was blurry with possibilities.

Rachel pulled her arm through the sleeve after her mother looked at it. One last one, she told herself. She felt Santana holding her. She had to prepare herself. She had to. The anxiety of lying to her mother and Santana again were no where near what she felt about having to leave them. The thought of that made her heart stop.

"Rachel, what is this?" Shelby asked.

She followed her gaze. The finger marks were sinking more into her skin.

"That's...where he caught me," Rachel said trying to stare at the bruise and not her sister or her mother. They had to believe her.

"Rachel," Santana muttered tracing the bruise.

Shelby looked at her, searching for something that told her that it was a lie.

"He caught me..." She said. She heard his words echoing in her head. "You will ruin EVERYTHING." She looked at her mother and sister. She put the sweatshirt back on. "He... He caught me. He saved me from falling. " She couldn't be alone. She wouldn't survive it.

There was a gentle knock at the door. "Can I come in?" Noah asked from the other side.

"Yes," Rachel called out. Noah walked in. "Can I just lay down?" She looked at the family. "I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm just... I ….Where's Quinn?"

"She's downstairs," Noah said handing Rachel her clothes.

Rachel bit her lip and slipped out of Santana's arms. "I'm going to change..."

They watched after her as she slipped out of the room wondering if what she said was the truth.

…...

Quinn collapsed at the bottom of the stairs. This couldn't be happening? This just couldn't be-

"Quinn?"

"I messed up," she whispered. "I left her there. I left her there and now she's a different person. She...Now... now I … I did that."

"Quinn," Joey started.

There was a creak on the stairs and Bear appeared. Quinn shook her head and looked at him with regret.

"I told Suzy not to leave until Kurt got there. I told her that she had a choice to leave." She shook her head. "You can fix this right? Right? You have to?" She was so hurried. "When I got there …. he just smiled, but something was different about Rachel. So so different. I don't know how to describe it." She felt tears in her eyes. She tried her best to hold them in. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"You did everything you could," Bear assured. "She lied to us. I'll figure this out." He sighed. "This isn't you."

"It feels like it."

"It's not," Joey reinforced. "This is not your fault. You did what you were supposed to. And if Rachel's telling the truth, he just triggered something."

Quinn pointed up the stairs. "That's not the girl we dropped off. You're telling me that him catching her triggered THAT?"

"I'm going to go over and talk to him," Bear said starting for the door.

"Lawrence Carlson! Absolutely not!" Joey said standing up.

"Why not?" Quinn asked. "He's the chief and he can do what he wants."

"No," Joey said. "You're too emotional. You can go over first thing tomorrow morning with Gus. Not now. Absolutely not!"

"I'm calling the station to have someone check on him," Bear said taking out his phone.

"As long as it's not you. You will kill that man," Joey said. "And we need you here."

"But what if he runs," Quinn asked.

"He won't," Joey said.

"How do you know?"

"Because then he'll look guilty," Joey said thinking carefully to herself. "And I don't think he will want that."

…..

Noah leaned against the door frame from outside of Rachel's room. He could hear his mother, aunt and uncle talking down the hallway. He shook his head. He didn't know what was going on.

He spotted Quinn at the end of the hallway. Santana emerged from the bathroom. The three of them exchanged a look. "I don't believe this," Noah said crossing his arms. "I don't believe that he just caught her."

"There's nothing they can do if that's all she says," Santana said.

"But your uncle will still question him right?," Quinn asked.

"If he doesn't, I will," Noah hissed.

"Maybe she's telling the truth," Santana muttered. She knew she couldn't take it if something else happened. She couldn't breathe thinking about eight years ago. To add something else, felt too much. It was all too much.

There was a muffled sob from Rachel's room. Santana stared at the door. She remembered the room. A lingering chill trembled through her body. She couldn't think about any of this. She just...

"I don't know," Santana whispered. "But I'm not leaving her in there."

She opened the door quietly and moved slowly toward Rachel's bed.

"Come here," Santana whispered as she pulled Rachel into her arms, rocking her gently. She didn't want to remember all that happened in that room. She had spent the last eight years hoping that those memories would never return for Rachel, but now those expectations were shattered.

"I promise that h-h-he just caught me," Rachel heaved into Santana's ear. "Don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered. "I promise."

…...

The house was quiet. Shelby laid her head on the table.

"I dont know what to do," she said as she sat up. "Do you think she's telling the truth?"

Bear paced in the room. "I dont think she is," he said. "She's reacting-"

"Like she did when I first got her back," Shelby finished. "Elyse and I talked about this. The slightest touch could have triggered something." She put her head in her hands. "But I can't be sure."

"There's nothing we can do about it until she says something or until he does something that's more than catching her when she slips," Bear said.

"I've already scheduled an emergency session before we leave for Florida tomorrow afternoon." She looked at her sister. "Should we even go?"

"We need to now more than anything," Joey said. "I don't know what's going on in her head, but we all know she's been off before today. It's been building."

"Bear, we can't go banging down his door because of a lie that we think Rachel is telling," Shelby said. "You and I both know that."

"I have a feeling," he said. "And I think he said something to her to make her want to lie. He's scaring her into silence and I'm not going to put up with it."

"Well, your feeling isn't enough," Shelby said. "You think I like seeing her like this? She won't let me hold her. She won't let go of Santana. I can see that this is hurting both of them. And Quinn and Noah too." She ran her hand through her hair. "We have the session first thing tomorrow. Maybe Elyse can get something out of her."

She squeezed her eyes shut. She could only hope.

What happens to Rachel is loosely based on a case that I have dealt with. Sexual abuse is about control and possession as well as everything else that it involves. So for those of you who suspected, you were right. ….. For those of you who are furious... or have your hearts in your throat, take a deep moment to be furious, cry, or catch your breath. I planned the Rachel/Will storyline very meticulously. I have been really considering a sequel to the story regardless of the fact that this story is no where to its end. What gets me through is that i've already written the ending and beyond in my head.

I am worried and holding my breath to see how everyone reacts. Legitimately, have almost deleted this whole thing multiple times in fear of your reactions. Thank you again for all of your support with this little story. I know that I cannot please you all, but I'm trying my best to do so and tell a story, one that it very close to my heart and in my opinion so essential to tell. Your faith in me and this story has been so miraculous. I hope this chapter didn't force you to lose faith in me or this story.