Disclaimer – I do not own BMT world, it belongs to Trudi Canavan.

Confession

The snow had been falling steadily for several hours, and it was already difficult to distinguish the edges of their valley through the white curtain of large flakes. Sonea, who was busy preparing a meal, stopped every so often and stared out of the window, hoping to see horses and riders moving towards the house.

Akkarin and Takan had been gone for three days, taking all four horses. They had decided to make one last effort to collect supplies before the weather closed in for the winter. Sonea hadn't minded being alone for the first day and night. There was much to do and time passed relatively quickly, especially as she now had Akkarin's books to work through. However, time began to drag on the second day and now she wasn't looking forward to another night alone.

She left the pot simmering over the scullery fire and returned to the window, trying to penetrate the falling snow, to see if there were any dark shapes moving across the white. She gave up searching when her eyes began to play tricks as she started to see movement in every direction she looked.

Verrin? she sent, Verrin?

There was no answer. She didn't know if it was because Akkarin didn't want to respond or whether he hadn't heard her. She was reluctant to keep sending. If any of the Guild magicians in the area heard an unknown person continually sending, it might alert them to a new presence in a place where no magicians were supposed to be.

The fire hissed loudly as some of the bubbling liquid from the pot spat into the fire. She moved it away from the direct heat. She had made a stew, using meat from a plump wild animal that Takan had trapped earlier, along with a few roots she had found in what looked as if it had once been a vegetable garden. She sniffed the steam, it didn't smell too bad, in fact it smelt quite good, not as flavoursome as Takan's efforts of course, but reasonably palatable she thought, and not bad at all for a first try at cooking something as complicated as stew. She hoped there would be someone to share it with her.

She made some tea and went to sit at the table. There was something other than cooking on her mind and she had finally come to a decision. She had to confess to Akkarin that she was pregnant. Her time had run out and she couldn't delay any longer. In the days since she had been alone, she had become conscious of a faint trace of magic in the air. She knew it wasn't her own magic because it felt different in some way, she wasn't exactly sure how, but it was alien. There was no one else at all in the area, let alone another magician, so the only possible source was the child.

If I can sense it, she thought, Akkarin is bound to notice as soon as he comes back, his magic is so much stronger than mine. I cannot simply let him discover it, that will increase his anger, I must tell him myself.

As soon as the decision was finally made, she began to feel better, as if a heavy weight had been lifted from her mind. Now all she had to do was decide how to put her news into the right words at the right time. She placed a hand over the slight curve of her stomach and sent her magic searching for a response. Again, she could sense the 'other', nothing more definite than that. The strange magic was a tiny tendril poking out as if seeking something, rather like a new plant breaking through the soil. Sonea wished again that she had learned more about pregnancy, especially where magicians' children were concerned, but she hadn't. She couldn't recall any lessons on the subject, even from the Healers. If she had gone the traditional path, courtship and marriage within the Guild, there would have been advice enough, but in typical 'Sonea fashion' she had acted differently and now she was alone in the mountains with a Warrior and a servant for company and she was sure neither of them knew anything about babies either!

Sonea had just spooned some of the stew into a bowl when she heard Akkarin's mental voice telling her they were almost home. She put her own meal aside and rushed to set the table, so all would be ready. They would be cold and tired so a hot meal would be more than welcome. She went back to her watching post by the window and was soon rewarded by the sight of dark smudges moving towards the house, gradually increasing in size until she could distinguish the laden horses. They were being led, not ridden, and progress was slow, but at last, they reached the front of the house.

Sonea grabbed her cloak and hat and went outside. The icy cold was a shock and she hastily created a warm bubble enclosing her body, shutting out the freezing weather. It only took a few minutes to get the animals into the shelter of their stable and unload their packs. A large assortment of packages soon piled up. Takan quickly collected the food supplies and they left the rest safely stowed in the hayloft until either the weather was better or they felt more like moving stuff around.

She had been right about the stew. Both Akkarin and Takan were hungry and very grateful that food was ready as soon as they stepped inside the house. She was rewarded by having all the stew eaten, the pot well and truly scraped out and herself showered with compliments, even from Takan.

They had been living in the isolated house for some time now and life had developed a pattern. Evenings were usually spent sitting close to the fire, sipping tea or, more rarely some of their precious supply of wine brought carefully back from the market. After an hour or two, the conversation slowly died down and it was time for bed. Country hours, Akkarin called it, up early to make the most of the light, and early to bed, especially when the weather was cold.

This night was no different. Both Takan and Akkarin were physically tired after a rather difficult journey back from Galia, as the roads were icy and treacherous and once they had begun climbing, lying snow and occasional deep drifts had made progress very slow indeed. So Takan went off to his sleeping place in the scullery a little earlier than usual. They had tried to persuade him to use one of the rooms upstairs, but he preferred the warmth of the scullery and had made a neat folding bed, which he could store out of the way during the day.

She expected Akkarin to suggest they go to bed too, but instead he fetched a bottle of the local wine and offered Sonea some, but she shook her head, preferring the warmth of hot tea to the cool wine. He took some himself and settled back down and regarded her steadily.

"You seem a little on edge," he remarked, causing her mouth to dry suddenly.

This is the time, she thought. There's no turning back now. Yet still she hesitated.

"Do I?" she said and heard the telltale quiver in her voice.

His gaze intensified and she clearly saw the moment when he identified the trace of alien magic in the room. His expression suddenly hardened and his eyes bored into hers. She kept her gaze on his with an effort and willed her face into calm and confident lines.

"Yes," was all he said, but there was an undercurrent in his tone that she hadn't heard before.

This is my man, she thought. He loves me, what am I afraid of? The child is his, I have done nothing wrong. But she had done wrong. She had kept the existence of the child from him. She had put the baby in danger by taking part in a magical attack and had been struck by magical forces which might have done damage she was unaware of. That was why she was afraid.

She had just opened her mouth to reply, when he moved suddenly from his chair and took her arm in a firm grip. She felt his hand on her temple force up her head until she could see nothing but his large dark eyes blazing directly into her own.

"You are afraid of me," his voice came to her as if from a distance, then he was in her head.

She could see his image imprinted on her brain, sorting her memories, letting them spin through his hands faster and faster.

"Ah!" His mental voice was sharp and abruptly he left her mind.

She was left shaken by the experience. He had not done anything like it before; it was almost a violation. She felt the tears start to form and dropped her gaze quickly, hoping he hadn't seen. She was conscious he had returned to his chair and had picked up his wine. She looked up at him. He was sitting perfectly still, staring intently at her, waiting…

"You have seen?" Her voice was quiet, but thankfully, it was steady.

"You are with child."

"Yes," she whispered, not daring to say more. She could feel his anger vibrate in the room, almost as if it were a tangible thing, yet his voice was calm, cold even, with no emotion.

"Tell me!" It was a command and she rushed to obey.

She heard herself explain, a little shakily at times, how she came to find herself with child and her decision not to tell him straight away.

"I was going to tell you, but not until we were settled wherever we were going to live," she admitted. "I was going to tell you tonight."

"How convenient," there was nothing in his tone which told her how he truly felt. "You were going to tell me tonight, but said nothing until after I learned your secret for myself."

Despite all her earlier good intentions, Sonea found herself wrong-footed again. How could she make him believe that she had intended to tell him? What could she say that would make it all right?

"I was," she insisted, "I was. It was just that I wasn't sure how to start….."

Her words trailed away as she saw the sadness in his face, "Is there no end to your wilfulness, Sonea?" His voice matched his expression and it affected her perhaps more than outright anger would have done.

"What do you mean?" she asked, almost dreading the answer.

He sighed and turned his gaze away from her and towards the fire. He was silent for a moment, then said, "Without consulting me, you allowed yourself to become pregnant."

When she would have protested, he held up his hand to prevent her, "Instead of telling me as soon as you found out, you put yourself and the child in danger by fighting Kariko and his son. Even after that, you kept it from me." He looked up at her, his eyes pinning her with the intensity of his gaze. "What is the real reason you decided to tell me tonight?"

She swallowed nervously. There was no lie she could tell him that he would not discover. Only the truth would serve her now. "While I was here on my own, I began to sense the baby's magic. I knew you would too. I needed to confess before you discovered it for yourself."

He nodded and a brief smile crossed his lips, "Truth at last. Even you understand when a lie cannot be sustained any longer. You were right. I sensed the child's magic quite clearly." He looked down at the fire again and sipped his wine.

She stared at him, waiting for his anger to erupt, but it was almost as if he had forgotten she was there. Somehow that was so much worse. She had steeled herself to face his anger. She did not know how to deal with his sorrow.

"Akkarin, I'm sorry," she said softly.

Just as softly, he replied, "You always are."

"I won't keep anything else from you, I promise," she said. "I mean it," she added as he didn't respond, "I really do mean it. I'll swear any oath you want!"

"Until the next time," he countered.

"It's all right now, isn't it?" she rushed on quickly. "We're here together and soon there will be a child to make us a real family. We're safe here and we can teach the child magic…"

He gave a short bark of laughter, "Sometimes I forget how young you truly are, Sonea. We're cut off here, probably for months. Do you think I would have brought a pregnant woman here to give birth, with no help at hand? Or chosen a place where life will be difficult as the ideal place to bring up a child? No, I would not! Now, though, there is no choice."

He got to his feet and poured himself more wine. She took a swallow of her tea, but it had gone cold. Using magic, she reheated it and took a sip. Akkarin returned to his chair and sat down. He looked at her, saying nothing, merely taking the occasional sip of wine. She found his silence unnerving yet couldn't think how to break it without her words leading to further problems. But as the silence stretched between them, she found she had to speak.

"I didn't just decide to become pregnant, I didn't know how to prevent it. I thought you would do that."

He turned a disbelieving gaze on her, "You must have known. All the female novices are taught what to do."

"Well I wasn't!" she said sharply. "Somehow I must have missed that lesson."

"So how did you discover it?" he asked.

"Lorlen told me. He examined me because I wasn't feeling well and found the reason…."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew she'd made a mistake. Somehow, in searching her memories, Akkarin hadn't found the one which showed Lorlen knew and she hadn't mentioned him in recounting her tale. His face darkened and the cold, distant mask slid over his features.

"Lorlen!" he almost spat the name, "Lorlen knew but you didn't feel you could tell me! All the time he was with us in Imardin, he knew about the child and both of you kept it from me!"

The anger, which had been missing before, raged in his voice and underneath it, she could hear a trace of something rather like hurt. She could see how it looked to him, a conspiracy against him, to keep him unaware of the existence of his own child. She went over to him and knelt at his side, as she had done so many times before when things had been difficult between them. She took his unresisting hand and looked up into his face.

"I made Lorlen swear not to tell you. He wanted to, but he agreed to do what I wanted, against his own better judgement. We didn't do it to prevent you ever finding out. I always intended to tell you, it was just a matter of where and when."

Surprisingly his hand tightened around hers until it was almost painful, "You always have reasons for what you do," he said sharply, "Always. Every time I think that all is settled between us and we can face the future in harmony, something you've done comes to light and shatters everything."

His hand released hers and she stopped herself from examining it or rubbing it. He stood up and looking down at her as she remained kneeling on the floor, he said coldly, "Go to bed Sonea. I will stay here. I have a lot to think about."

She started to protest, but he cut her off, "Go to bed, Sonea." Command was back in his voice and there was no point in arguing.

She went.