Chapter 30
Filmaddict – Wow your words. I am honored. Thank you so much for your review. It is a dark story and I know it's not for everyone but I am thankful that my writing allows you to picture and feel the characters.
Iuterpi- The bond between Santana and Rachel is strong but was also different when Santana had to be the mommy for Rachel. Quinn and Santana will most likely get into plenty of trouble even though are now older. Its just not the time – these girls have so much to sort out but trouble will find the both of them. Thank you for your review.
sweetdreamer94 – I am glad you caught up. Sorry for draining you and a little warning that there is more to come so read it sitting down. I was thinking of using a stump grinder on Will when he is caught ! Just kidding. Thank you for your kind words they are always appreciated.
A Fan – Thank you for reviewing. There will be more of Quinn's back story because Russell has not been dealt with yet. He is still sitting in his little jail cell waiting to try and explain his and Judy's behavior so yes you will see more flashbacks for Quinn. Shelby will help her through all of the transitions as well.
amandaes417 – TSA can be rough sometimes but they have a job to do also and they don't know peoples backstories so it was unfortunate. Will is a huge creep and asshole in the story and he will be in it a lot because I know the Corcoran family is not going to allow him to just scare the crap out of Rachel and let him get away with it. Thanks for the review but hold on – there are big things coming.
Fangirl44 – Thank you for reviewing. I can say though you will hate Mr. Schuester more and more.
Drea LuRuiz – This story has a long way to go but yes unfortunately you are correct pedophiles do play with their victims minds in a huge way. The family is not going to shy away from each, this will bring them all closer in the end. Thank you for your excellent review.
Gleek1990 – If you think he is super creepy now – hold on because he still has a whole lot of creepiness in him – he will stop at nothing and he is so cocky he thinks he can get away with things. Thank you so much for your kind words on my writing. I try to give my readers my best work and try not to put anything in the story that is unnecessary.
Renata – Hi Ms. Brazil – Right now Mr. Schue is in Rachel's head big time. He is a master manipulator so even the distance of her being in Florida poor Rachel is going to have a hard time adjusting to acting normal. Unfortunately also they don't have any evidence that Will did anything to Rachel yet because she hasn't spoken up and they haven't found the clothes so something has to give soon. It's building so hold on. Thanks again for the review my sweet Brazilian.
missingviolet – Sorry but I will warn you now – prepare yourself for more stress. Thank you for reviewing.
broadwaybound2016 – Will's sickness is not going away anytime soon. Hold on ! Thanks for the review.
SuzQQ – Shelby is a very very strong woman and will continue to be. In this chapter you will see a little more of where she gets her tenacity from. Will is very cocky at this point and the longer he goes at not being caught the cockier he will get. He has complete control over his eleven year old victim right now so he will stop at nothing. San and Quinn will make quite the duo – they will still fight but the bond is getting tighter and tighter. Santana has no idea how to take her relationship to the next level with Brittany but she is trying and I think with Santana the letter writing is going to be the best way to get things out. As always thank you so much for reviewing. It is always appreciated.
Cookie – Thank you for the healing vibes. That and my antibiotics that I finally got are very much appreciated. Noah is a fantastic older brother and he needs constant reminding that he did everything he could possibly do to protect his siblings. Unfortunately in Rachel's present state Shelby will keep a watchful eye on Santana and Puck teasing her so right now in this story their teasing of their sister is on hold but trust me depending on how far the story goes – they will continue to do things like that. Thanks for the review and the healing vibes.
OTHangels – Thanks for reviewing! Always appreciated.
marinka4 – He is not dying yet – or ever – we just need to get him caught first – but we are working on it. Trust me – you are going to hate him more in the upcoming chapters. Thanks for reviewing.
Kimberlli – Until he gets caught we don't really know how many victims he will have but he is going to remain creepy and get creepier. He thinks he can't be stopped. Thanks for reviewing.
TommyH – Puck and Rachel have a very special bond. They will continue to bond and they will always be there for each other. Thanks for reviewing.
Cappsy – It is not ending anytime soon. Sorry. The next couple of chapters are going to be brutal for you. Hold on if you can. Thanks for reviewing.
piecesofyourheart – Unfortunately Florida is not coming at a very happy time for these kids but they may relax a little but poor Rachel just wants to crawl up in a little ball and be held. Thanks for the review.
NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for passing your math test. Bear can be on your team I promise. Thanks for the review.
HIsland429 – Bear has to be careful and do things right because the worst thing to happen is Bear does something impulsive and the whole case against this ass falls apart. If their case falls apart because of something stupid it could ruin the kids so even though it is painful to wait and watch – it has to be done that way. Thanks for taking the time to review.
Ryuen – The 3 kids will want to go ape shit but they will be told to wait – but will they ? That remains to be seen because they know Rachel is not acting right. Thanks for reviewing
ShutUpAndSmileeez Thank you for reading my story – it is filled with a LOT of angst but after there will be happiness but it has a way to go before then I hope you stick around. I will say that this story will show hope and triumph in the end.
Ryoko05 – Some of the bonding will happen in Florida and it will be needed more than ever especially when one of them is so so wounded right now. They will rally around and support each other even when they themselves have big issues going on. While it won't be the most joyous of trips it will certainly bring this family closer. Thank you for your review.
Sorry for the delay. Here it is. Let me know what you think. Your continuous support humbles me to no end. Thank you for believing in me and this little story.
Chapter 30
Quinn didn't sleep; she just sat there. Rachel leaned over onto her at fifty-thousand feet. She and Santana then proceeded to antagonize Rachel's sleeping form. Santana insisted. They were only tickling underneath her nose and behind her ears as Rachel muttered and smacked her face lightly. Shelby didn't permit it to last for long. They had to sit there and write lines on the back of the vomit bags until there was no room left. When the plane finally landed and Rachel jolted awake, Quinn looked around and deflated. She was back on earth.
After what seemed like the slowest line ever, they finally made it off the plane. Rachel, again for some reason, was holding onto Quinn's hand. What Quinn hated was that she wasn't surprised by Rachel's reach for her anymore. She hated that she didn't want to run out of the airport. She hated that she wanted to be here. She was on auto-pilot and didn't know what she wanted, but she wasn't sure if she ever did.
When they finally made it out into the ramp to walk up, Quinn watched as Noah scooped Rachel up into his arms and they walked the endless walk to baggage claim. It had taken them about thirty minutes to finally get to the ramp and the plane arrived twenty minutes late. Quinn heard Shelby mention that it was another hour to the "farm." Rachel did move slower in her drugged state. It made sense that Noah would carry her, baby or not, she thought to herself. She watched as Rachel rested her head instinctively on Noah's shoulder. That was the big difference between her and Rachel. She didn't have a shoulder to rest instinctively on. She shook her head. She passed exit after exit and every time she informed herself that she missed her chance to leave. Her thoughts were broken when she felt a nudge in her side.
"What?" she asked with an eye roll.
"Just getting your face unstuck," Santana said casually. "You looked funny."
Quinn rolled her eyes at her. Santana was never her favorite person and she still wasn't, but now she couldn't really imagine her life without someone like her worrying about her face. They made their way down the fourth or fifth escalator of their endless trek to the baggage claim when finally Quinn spotted the carousels of luggage. She felt like everything was moving in slow motion as she descended down. There was a woman with dark hair and features that reminded her of Shelby and the girls. She was older but she reminded Quinn of the "old" features like Meryl Streep, which weren't old but more like a rare form of graceful aging. She suddenly thought of her mother and grandmother and wondered if alcoholism was a requirement for her to retain the "Fabray beauty." The older Shelby-looking Meryl Streep smiled and laughed with such joy and charisma that Quinn almost felt annoyed. It was a strange initial feeling; witnessing someone else's family felt as if she was trying on a wrong shoe. She reconsidered as watched the woman known as Nana who looked like a mixture of Grace Kelly, Shelby, and Audrey Hepburn. Clearly, this was where all the Corcoran woman inherited their high cheekbones. Quinn tilted her head. This didn't feel like trying on the wrong shoe on the wrong foot. It felt like trying a shoe on your hand.
Then there was who she assumed was 'Pop-Pop.' He was stocky. If Quinn ever imagined what Noah "Puck" Corcoran would look like when he was...Quinn pondered …. very, very old, she concluded. This would be what Noah would look like. This man had broad, muscular shoulders, a sharp jaw and a piercing stare that was softened by his dimples. He also had that charming but mischievous smile, like he was up to no good. He smiled the same grin that Quinn had seen Noah show when he smiled at Rachel. He drew Santana into a long hug. Quinn frowned. Santana never struck her as a hugger, but in that moment, Quinn was fooled. He then gave Puck a gentle pat on the cheek. He reached his arms out and took Rachel's sleeping form.
"My baby bug," he said with a chuckle and smile with that charming smile. Rachel instinctively rested her head on his shoulder and continued to sleep. Quinn wondered if that smile would ever fade while they're here. She felt herself wishing she too were drugged.
"You must be Quinn," Nana said as she stepped in Quinn's line of vision and suddenly interrupting her thoughts.
Quinn gave a weak smile. "Hi," she said.
Nana opened her arms. "Mom!" Shelby called from the baggage claim. "If she doesn't want to be hugged, don't force her."
"Can I hug you?" Nana asked with a smile.
Quinn searched her eyes. "Sure," she heard herself say in a long drawn out tone.
The rest of the evening seemed like a blur. The drive out to the farm was long; it was dark so there was nothing to see. Again, she felt Rachel against her in the ride out. When they arrived she was almost too tired to be nosey, but as usual, she was sure that she wouldn't sleep. There were more short conversations and instructions. It was almost ten when they were finally settled. The house was larger than the Corcorans's or the Fabray's. Quinn frowned as she looked around. While larger, the house still managed to be cluttered and fuller than any house that Quinn had ever seen. They walked up the stairs.
They were sharing rooms.
If the meet-and-greet wasn't exhausting enough, this was just another tiring blow. Apparently as big as this house was, it wasn't big enough for everyone. It was an old farmhouse that reminded Quinn of an episode of Smallville. She remembered seeing hay bails. She peeked up into the attic loft as they were shown around the second floor. Pop-Pop pointed up to the attic and explained that the boys would be staying upstairs. on futons amidst the pool tables. Joey and Bear would stay in the bedroom at the end of the hallway and Shelby was staying in the bedroom next to that one. Nana and Pop-Pop's bedroom was at the top of the stairs.
Finally, there was Rachel, Quinn, and Santana's room. The three of them were sleeping in a large bedroom. Quinn looked at Santana with a glare of fury and indignation.
"You're kidding me?" she asked.
"We're not going to make you sleep with Rachel..." Santana said with a shrug.
Quinn glared at the bed. It was a bunk bed, a twin over full bunk bed.
"We have a cot for you too," Shelby said pointing toward a pulled out futon in the corner. Quinn shook her head and sighed. This couldn't be happening.
"Well, Puck's rooooommates aren't coming in until tomorrow," Quinn began. She didn't get to add, 'Can't we switch?'
"No switching, Quinn," Shelby said. "Noah is not staying in here. Either you stay with me, Quinn, or you stay here."
Quinn shook her head, unaware that the reason why they needed to share a room was because it insured a built-in alarm system for all of them. If they were all together, there would be less trouble or at least that was the theory. Additionally, the attic had roof access and as much as Shelby hated to admit it, she trusted the boys more up there. She wanted the girls closer to her. She could hear if they were having nightmares more easily than she could if they were upstairs.
The blonde shook her head. "Fine," she muttered, glaring at Shelby. She put her hands on her hips and shot a look at Santana. She didn't understand. She knew that the three Corcoran kids had shared a room before at...Her thoughts trailed off. She watched as Shelby grabbed some pajamas and moved over to the larger bed where Santana laid the tiny narcotic.
"Girls, go get ready for bed," she said non-chalantly. Santana left the room while Quinn rummaged through her suitcase roughly as if it too had made the decision that resulted in her having roommates.
Shelby reached out and gently and carefully hooked her thumbs on Rachel's yoga pants. At the contact, Rachel jumped awake, whimpering. Her body instinctively recoiled up and she moved away from Shelby. Shelby saw her daughter's chest heaving. She had watched her look at several people in fear before, but very few times had she ever looked at Shelby like that. And every time, Shelby's heart broke.
"Please, no," the previously sleeping girl cried out with her hands in front of her desperately, pushing Shelby away.
Shelby stared at her frightened daughter with an initial shock that didn't wear away fast enough because Rachel's frightened eyes turned to panicked ones.
"I'm sorry," she stammered as she noticed Quinn on the floor next to her bag staring at her. "I … I had a bad dream... Can I have George?"
Shelby stared down at her daughter, trying her best to gather her words. Everything was pointing in one direction and it was one that shook Shelby to her core. She put her game face back on.
"Sure, I can get George. Why don't you change yourself, okay? Now that you're awake." Shelby kissed her on the forehead and left the room.
Rachel sat up and looked at the clothes her mother retrieved for her. It was all so exhausting. She saw Quinn staring at her from her suitcase. She wiped her tears furiously with the back of her hand and went into restroom, pushing past Quinn as she went.
Feeling as if she witnessed another intimate family moment that she shouldn't be apart of, Quinn felt the thoughts tumbled out of her mouth.
"I shouldn't be a part of this," she mumbled as Shelby came back into the room.
"You are," Shelby said setting the stuffed monkey on the bed. "You are a part of this family." She pulled the blonde into her arms. "If the top bunk or the floor isn't okay, come down the hallway okay?" She whispered quietly, "I know it's hard being in another new place." She pulled away from Quinn and handed her the small lamb. "Santana is saying goodnight to her grandparents. You have time to hide it wherever you decide to sleep." Quinn looked at her. Shelby cupped her cheek gently. "I love you. Thanks for coming to Florida."
Quinn saw her vision blur. Damn it, she thought. "I'll sleep on the top bunk," she heard herself say, surprising again that she cared so much about disappointing Shelby.
…...
The kids were asleep. It wasn't until the sixth time that she checked on the girls that Shelby felt a little bit of relief. However, it was minuscule compared to what everything else she felt. Her heart felt like it was splattered everywhere. She now knew what it meant when the tales said that Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. She couldn't get the pieces back.
"Shelby?" she looked up and her father was looking at her. "Come downstairs. Your mother made some tea."
Shelby stared at her parents as she hugged the cup of tea in her hands. She just explained and now she was waiting for a reaction. Her mother looked at her in shock.
"You're sure?" her mother asked again.
"Well, no," Shelby explained. "That's the problem. She's not talking."
Her father pushed his chair out roughly and wiped his hand over his face. "You think this because... because she was scared of you?" he asked, struggling to form his words.
Shelby bit her lip. "It's documented and it's known, Dad," she said at a measured pace, as much for herself as if was for her father. "That bastard only always had Rachel in diapers..." She looked at him with tear filled eyes. "He never put her in anything else below the waist," she said with gritted teeth. She watched "This trigger is new."
She put her head in her hands. She couldn't do this. She had suspected before but now it was real; now she couldn't avoid it. It was staring her in the face.
"Damn it," she said. "Damn it!"
"Shelby, we don't know if -" her mother began.
Shelby shot up. "No," she shouted. She recoiled and combed her hand through her hair. "No," she repeated more quietly. "I know he took off her clothes. He scared her. He..." She shook her head. "I don't understand." she looked at her mother. "Why would he do that? And why won't she tell me?" She panted and put her hand on her chest. "How could this happen?"
"Wait a minute," her father suddenly said, standing up straighter from the corner of the kitchen where he was standing. "You know who he is?"
Helen Berry looked up at her husband and then back at her youngest daughter. Shelby could tell that her mother wasn't just shocked. She was stunned.
"Yes, Mom," she said quietly pinching the bridge of her nose.
"Shelby," her father said heavily.
"Don't talk to me like that," Shelby hissed. She began to tear up. "I didn't …. I …. "
"Shelby, you knew that he was a threat?" he asked again raising his voice.
"Michael, keep your voice down," Helen snapped. "Shelby, you knew?"
"Of course, I didn't know," Shelby snapped. "Rachel trusted him. She needed to trust him and -"
"Damn it, Shelby!" Michael scolded. He covered his face and screamed into his hands. He walked over to his daughter. "She is a child abuse victim and -"
"Don't you dare," she yelled pointing at her father. "They are not victims."
He leaned against the counter. "This is what I did. This is what you do," he said evenly. He looked at his daughter. "Knowing what we know when we work how did you miss this with Rachel?"
Shelby shook her head and tears cascaded down her cheeks. "Because she's my child," she said. "I spent so long protecting her and I suffocated her. He was a guy from high school that offered to give her lessons." She looked at her father. "You don't think I'm retracing all of this? You don't think I'm thinking about this?" She released a sob. "She was in the hospital, Dad. I couldn't hold her all of the time. Only for parts of the time." She put her hand on her chest. "I couldn't hold her because she was in so much pain." She shook her head and the tears wouldn't stop. "Why would I ever want to do that again? Put her through that. Put Santana through that or Noah." She collapsed in the chair. "Oh, god. Their going to..."
"I'm sorry," Michael said. "I … I know this isn't you. I know that you do everything.-" He shook his head. "She's the baby and I …"
"That's why …." Shelby said tearfully. "She wanted so badly to be grown up that it blew up in her face. It's hurt her."
"Well, I have a feeling, you've known this for a long time, but it's now just hitting you," Michael began sitting down back at the table. "And it started when Bear started telling you he didn't like him."
"Don't shrink me, Dad," Shelby hissed, but then frowned when she realized that she had become her father.
"I know you are doing your best," he said. "Start from the beginning. What happened? What is she acting like?" She took a breath and began. She told them everything and two cups of coffee and a pint of Ben & Jerry's later it was all on the table, exposed and ready for evaluation. "Well, I think Elyse is right. It's a mixture of new triggers as well as memories coming to the forefront." He took a deep breath. "We need to act as natural as possible."
"I'm sorry, what?" Helen said, who has been quiet for the most part. "My baby bug was touched by another - pig-bastard," she continued carefully, "and you want to act as casually as possible? I do NOT understand, Michael!"
"She's scared. That's why she's not talking and once she talks," he said carefully and paused to look at his daughter.
"She'll clam up," Shelby finished. "Especially if we have her talk here. She'll be scared again on the flight back."
"She might change her story again," Michael said.
Helen stood up. "I'm sorry. You're not making sense. We're not saying anything? We're not pushing her because you want a genuine confession. I know I'm not a shrink like you guys-"
"Mom, I'm a therapist," Shelby said pinching the bridge of her nose. "And Dad's a forensic psychologist...It's different. You've been married for almost forty years and -"
"Shelby!" Helen scolded. She took a deep breath. "Is there a chance...any chance at all that she isn't lying...and that she is just remembering?"
Michael looked at his wife. "If she was really remembering...she might act like this..but she would talk to someone. If not Shelby then at least Noah or San, and if not them then at the very least...she would talk to her therapist. But she isn't...she hasn't said anything about anything..."
"Maybe she wouldn't," Shelby thought out loud. "She told me recently that she had been remembering for awhile but she didn't tell us because she was scared about how we would feel."
"So there is a chance?" Helen asked volleying her gaze between her daughter and husband.
"There's not," Michael said watching his daughter. "Her trigger. The act of Shelby trying to take off her pants is clear."
Helen shook her head. "So what?" She shrugged. "What do we do? Nothing?"
"We need to make sure she knows she's safe," Michael said.
Shelby bit her lip. "Because right now she doesn't," she realized out loud. "He took that from her." She looked at her mother. "We can't force it out of her."
Helen took a heavy breath. "I don't like this. I don't."
"And we do?" Shelby countered sharply. She shook her head. "I'm sorry."
Helen looked at her husband and sighed. "Okay. We'll do this. We'll get her to trust herself and us again."
"She's fragile now, more than any of us can comprehend. Even though there were no physical traumas, we know that something happened and it's pushing her back to the beginning."
Helen looked at her daughter. "Okay. But we will not let her out of our sight." She took a deep breath. "So, do you want to explain to me why all three of the older kids are suspended?"
Shelby shook her head. "Mother, it's late." Helen arched her brow. "Fine. But I need another pint of Ben and Jerry's."
Michael put another pint onto the table. "Spill."
…...
Quinn opened her eyes. It was light. The sun was in the air. High in the sky...She scowled. She had slept. She popped up in bed quickly.
"You're fine, sleeping beauty," Santana groaned from beneath her.
Quinn felt her body in the middle of her back lift. "Santana!" she scolded. Her body fell hap-hazardly back onto the bunk. She looked furiously over the side. "Did you just push my bunk with your feet?" she asked in disgust.
"No," Santana shrugged. "It was Rachel."
Quinn looked over and saw that Rachel was still sleeping into Santana's side with her arm wrapped around her monkey.
"Seriously?" she asked.
"Totally, Rachel," Santana muttered flatly.
Quinn huffed loudly and laid back. She retraced her chest. She couldn't remember closing her eyes last night. She remembered staring at the ceiling. She remembered hearing the creaks of the house and the silence of the night. She remembered being in deep thought and she even remembered Rachels' whimpering in the darkness of the room. However, she didn't remember falling asleep and now she was waking up and it was morning. The last time she had slept had been with Shelby. She slept alone and in a bed and through the night. How did that happen?
"Morning," Shelby said coming into the room.
"Hey," the girls said looking at her. Quinn noticed Shelby's eyes linger on Rachel's sleeping form.
"You sleep alright?" she asked looking at the girls.
Quinn sat up and nodded with a frown unsure of what it meant. She honestly couldn't remember when she didn't wake up in the middle of the night or when she slept soundly for more than four hours. She had somehow allowed Shelby to become her crutch as much as she hated to admit it. She had spent her whole life exhausting her body to the point where she didn't even realize she was tired. She just laid there when she was tired. Resting wasn't sleeping, it was laying there forcing her mind to not yell and instead just whisper. For the first time in her life, without being drugged or leaning on someone, it actually went silent. It was as if she didn't understand that she was missing it; she never understood that she was so tired before, because in this moment she never felt more relieved and relaxed as she did on the top bunk in a room with the Corcoran girls in Florida.
"You alright Quinn?" she nodded.
"Yeah," she whispered more to herself than Shelby as she climbed down.
"Rach," Santana whispered.
"Let her sleep, San," Shelby said.
"It's Rachel, she doesn't sleep," Santana said not even trying to whisper.
Shelby knew that; they all knew that. Rachel had always been the first one up. She never wanted to miss anything. Now she was laying there. It was almost ten in the morning. The kids had all slept almost eleven hours. Rachel was still asleep. She frowned as she watched Rachel shift slightly, but only slightly, her grip around George. No one saw it; Shelby was sure Santana didn't even feel it.
"San, leave her be," Shelby watched Rachel carefully. "Her medicine is still in her system. You know she needs to sleep it off."
"Mom, she took it yesterday at four o'clock because you always have us get there so early," Santana said looking at her mother. "That means she has been asleep for almost twenty hours..."
"Santana," Shelby hissed. "Please get up. Leave her. Brunch is ready."
"Mom," Santana started again.
"Santy," Helen said from the door.
The older girl looked at the woman. "Nana, Rachel has been -"
"Rach is tired," Helen said. " Come downstairs. Breakfast is getting cold. You know how your Pop-Pop feels about cold meals."
"Thank you," Quinn nodded and avoided Shelby's eyes. "I'm going to shower and -"
"Quinn-" Shelby said interrupting her.
"We don't eat alone," Helen said. "We need to go downstairs. There's no option here."
"Really, I -"
"No option," Helen said quickly. "We eat as a family. You're family. Let's go."
Santana looked at Rachel and opened her mouth to protest. "Besides Rachel," Helen cut them off before she even was able to get the words out. "Let's go."
Quinn trudged down the hallway behind the family. She didn't want to be here. She looked around. There were pictures lining the wall. However, they weren't as evenly and carefully placed as the ones at the Corcoran house in Lima. These ones were covering the walls and the frames weren't even all the same. She frowned. Didn't they move here less than a decade ago? Why did the house look so cluttered and lived in only after five years.
"Gah, blah, ugh, morning," Noah said emerging into their cattle herd from the stairs that led to the attic.
"Hmmm," he grunted. "Where's Rachel?" he asked as he rubbed his eyes. He looked around and started back towards the girls' room. "I'll get her-"
"Let her sleep," Nana said casually.
"Is she in a coma?" he asked with a frown looking at Nana and then back over at the closed bedroom door and finally settling his gaze on Santana.
"Pretty much," Santana muttered.
Shelby lingered and watched the kids go down the hallway with her mother. She turned back and when she opened the door to the girls' room, she knew Rachel had been awake. However, that wasn't what worried her. What worried her was that her normally energetic child wanted to stay in bed. Further, as demonstrated by the fact that she tried faking her slumber when the older girls were there, she wanted to be left alone. Shelby slowly opened the door and she hated that she wasn't surprised at what she saw. Santana had put a pillow down next to Rachel to replace her body before she left and the tiny girl was now crying softly into it. The mother took a deep breath and went into the room laying quietly next to her daughter.
"Shh," she soothed as she combed her hand through her hair. Rachel looked up at her mother, slightly embarrassed and recoiled. "It's okay to be upset, bug." Rachel reached up and wrapped her arms around her mother and released a sob.
"Mommy," she whimpered.
Shelby frowned at the moment forgetting that she was holding an eleven year old, but she felt as if she was holding her toddler again. Rachel gripped on tighter and cried into her mother's neck. "I'm right here," Shelby whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."
…...
The back stairwell spit them out into the kitchen.
"Morning, sunshines," Bear said from the stove next to Pop-Pop as he flipped another pancake onto the stack.
"I thought you were flying in later today," Quinn said curiously but it came out somewhat as a sneer.
"Nice to see you too, Quinn," Joey laughed.
There was a huge island in the middle of the kitchen similar to that of the one at the Corcorans and a large breakfast nook area that reminded Quinn of a restaurant booth.
"We arrived early this morning," Bear said casually. Quinn watched as he and Santana exchanged a look as the girl poured herself some orange juice.
"She's upstairs with Mom," Quinn heard Santana whisper. The two continued to look at each other as if having a silent conversation.
"Eat up everyone," Helen said sitting at the breakfast table. "We have a lot to do today."
"This is tiring enough," Santana said grabbing another pancake and quietly eyeing Quinn.
"I'm good," Quinn said sitting at the bar stool with empty chairs surrounding it. She needed to remind herself that at most she was a visitor. She wasn't a part of this.
"You're not," Shelby said from behind Quinn.
The girl didn't even bother turning around. She saw Rachel slip into the empty stool next to her.
"Bug, do you want a shake?" Helen asked as she pulled out the blender not waiting for an answer.
Rachel shook her head and bowed her head, ignoring all of the looks from her family.
"She'll have one," Shelby said placing her hand on both Quinn and Rachel's back. The small moan that instinctively released from Quinn's lips as she deflated from being caught. Both Shelby and Quinn frowned when they saw Rachel flinch at Shelby's gentle touch. "Please come join the rest of us at the table," she whispered. It wasn't really a request.
Both girls went over to the table. Santana was feeding herself pancakes when Rachel slipped under her arm and somewhat interrupted the process. She frowned but simply switched hands and wrapped her arm around Rachel .
"So, we have plans today," Helen announced.
"What plans?" Noah asked with his mouth full.
"It's come to my attention that we have chores to do," Helen said causing the three older children to pause. Helen continued casually as if she didn't notice their faces. She was standing at the counter preparing shakes. "We do not tolerate fighting in this family. The barn needs some work and -"
"I'm sorry, what?" Quinn asked and soon looked down with disgust as Shelby placed a plate of food and a shake in front of her and another shake in front of Rachel.
"The stalls need cleaning out and there's some repair work," Helen said loudly over the blender.
Quinn scoffed and looked at Santana who was trying to focus on eating with an eleven year old leaning into her side.
"What? Are we on a farm or something?" she asked to anyone who would answer.
"Yes," Helen shouted over the blender. She continued to shout. "In our retirement, Michael and I-"
"Honey, it's done," Michael said turning the blender off.
"Anyway," Helen said in a casual tone. "We bought this farm awhile back. We help fund it."
"What?" Quinn asked again.
"Eat, girls," Shelby said pushing the shakes closer towards the girls' plates.
"It's a rehabilitation farm. Kids come here for programs and whatnot," Helen said.
"Of course they do," Quinn mumbled as she pushed her food around her plate. What was it with this family? She felt someone kick her underneath the table. She looked up and glared at Noah. "Are you retired?" Quinn asked Helen.
"Quinn, don't be rude please," Shelby said sitting next to the girl with her own plate of food as Joey scooted in next to her.
"It's a genuine question," Joey explained as she cut her pancakes in the messiest way Quinn had ever seen.
"We are," Michael said with a laugh. "But we have a hard time keeping still."
"So, I have a list of chores for you kids," Helen continued, patting Michael's shoulder ultimately telling him to be quiet.
Santana grimaced. "What kind of chores?"
…..
About forty minutes later, the four of them were in the barn Quinn looked around. She had never worked in a barn with animals. And at that moment as she wore high rubber boots that weren't hers to shield her from poop splattering, she regretted not investing greater energy into not wanting to.
"Rachel," Santana said with a slight annoyance. "You need to put the bails like this. We're never going to get this done if you're not stacking them right."
"Santana!" Noah barked. The brunette looked at Noah and then back at Rachel who now had her head bowed slightly and was pretending to adjust her gloves.
"I'm sorry, Rachel," she said quietly. "Come here. I'll show you. We can do this together." Rachel looked up at her big sister apologetically. "It's not your fault the bails are big," Santana said. She shrugged. "Quinn is really the one that needs to pick it up."
The blonde frowned. "I'm feeding these gross things," she hissed.
"That should have taken you no time. Just dump it in," Noah said.
"Gah," Quinn said as she made a conscious decision to hate farms and eat more bacon.
"So what did you do?" a tall boy with broad shoulders asked as he swaggered into the barn. Quinn rolled her eyes. Didn't the Corcorans have ugly people in their family? This guy had soft eyes like Joey's and dark thick, wavy hair like her too. It was cut short and maintained without looking as if he spent a great deal of time on it.
Next to him was another tall boy but he wasn't as stocky as Noah, Bear, Michael aka Pop-Pop or natural-fancy-haired man. He looked familiar. She had seen him before. She felt her mouth tighten into a frown and her nose scrunch in disgust. Griffin Carlson: Soccer Douche Bag Number One. She remembered meeting him during summer practice before her freshman year and his senior. She thought he had potential to be someone honorable, but she wasn't sure, even at that point, if boys like that existed. She found herself searching for men unlike her father. She didn't even realize she was looking until she found herself judging. She remembered looking at the soccer star and thinking maybe he was tolerable and that high school would offer new promise, but then he opened his mouth. He set the standard for her that summer and for some ways for the rest of her high school career. She knew at that moment the highest she could ever achieve was Finn Hudson. She frowned. She didn't want to see him in person let alone waste her time on him in her internal monologue as she judged Griffin.
Santana stood up with a huff, interrupting Quinn's thoughts. "What makes you think that we did something?"
The girls exchanged a look. It was almost as if they had each silenced the fact that they were each other's secret-keeper. Quinn gave her a small smile realizing that she forgot to be more grateful for the brunette that she realized she was most close to. She made a mental note to talk with her later.
Griffin laughed and caught Quinn's eyes with a slight frown trying to place her. "No one comes and cleans horse sh-"
"Griff!" Rachel said smacking the older boy in the gut. She leaned into him slightly and looked up at him. "Are you going to help us?"
"No, squirt, of course not," he said with a laugh.
Griffin's attitude is what Santana hated the most about him. He was the one that throughout their childhood always asked, "Why?" or "So what?" when it came to things that Rachel could or couldn't do. His clear carelessness echoed in his every decision. Granted she wasn't the most responsible person herself, but Rachel came first before anything and he put himself first.
"Did you come out here just to be a dick?" Santana sneered.
"San," Rachel said with a look.
"Sorry," Santana huffed.
"But seriously," Dexter said folding his arms. "What happened?"
Quinn looked hesitantly over at Santana and was met with the same hesitation.
"Hudson was being a douche so we put him in his place," Noah said casually surprising them.
Santana nodded. "Also, Shitney was being a slut and talking smack so..."
Griffin looked at Quinn. "That's where I know you from. You're Finn's girl."
"She's no one's girl, asshole," Santana spat.
"Santana," Rachel said looking at her with accusing eyes.
Dexter put his hand on his brother's chest. "Can you put your jerk on hold for the first few hours that you're here?" he asked with annoyance. "Please?"
"Whatever," he said rolling his eyes with his hands up in surrender.
"Boys, I asked you to come out here and help," Michael said coming around the corner with Shelby and Bear.
"No, you didn't, Pop," Griffin said starting out of the barn.
Dexter grabbed the back of Griffin's collar. "We're here to help."
"We're vacationing," Griffin huffed.
"And we've vacationed like this for almost six years," Dexter said with a look. "Shut up, man and grab a shovel."
"Can I at least change?" he asked with annoyance.
"Five minutes, Griff," Bear said in a strong tone. "I mean it."
Quinn watched the boy swagger away and she shook her head. Yup, still a douche. She watched him disappear into the house and shook her head.
"Plenty of work still to do, guys," Michael said.
They finished stacking hay when McDouche came back. They all moved outside. All Quinn could think about was how if she ever retired this would not be her idea of retirement. She would rather something different. Relaxing. Her mind began to wander. Retirement. That would mean she would have survived adolescence and accomplished something she never thought she would survive in the long term. She knew that there would be a moment, subtle or extravagant where she would realize that what happened in Lima was a forgotten life. Quinn she knew she had to survive Lima so that she could leave it behind. However, she looked around wondering for the first time if she wanted to.
"Alright," Michael announced. "Fill the troughs and then we should be good to go. Oh and, Griff, water those plants too."
If someone was thinking, which no one was, that someone would have realized that putting a water hose in both Santana and Griffin's hands was a terrible idea. However, hindsight was twenty-twenty.
The brunette watched from the corner of her eye as her mother, uncle and grandfather helped Quinn carry the rest of the equipment. Rachel was reaching into the pig pen to pet the baby pigs while pretending to be putting more food in their trough with slop as Santana filled the watering hole. In order to reach them a little better she crawled into the pen. Thanks to her tall and too-big rubber boots she was staying clean and dry.
"Dex, come help me with this fence really quick," Michael said and the two rounded the corner.
"Quinn, grab those buckets and then put them in that shed," Shelby said. "We're going to head inside to finish lunch." She looked around and spotted Rachel in the pen with the piglets. "Rach, don't forget you need to feed them not just pet them. I'm heading inside okay?"
"Kay," Rachel murmured.
Santana watched her mother disappear into the house. She spotted Griffin looking at her with narrowed eyes. She had known her cousin all her life and he was a jerk ninety-four percent of the time so she made sure to be a jerk ninety-five percent of the time back at him. She saw him lift the hose he was using to water the plants and aim it at her. Just like cowboys ready to draw, she lifted her own hose, too drenching him. They both screamed in anguish as the water shot everywhere.
"Knock it off!" Griffin yelled.
"You started it!" Santana spat.
Neither one of them moved but turned their faces the best they could to avoid the spray of the water.
Santana heard Griffin yell in anguish as a bucket of water was thrown at him. He opened one of his eyes and saw Quinn Fabray throwing water at him. No way was he going to tolerate that. He waved the spray at both of them, ultimately spraying the entire area. He was able to see better when Noah tossed a bucket of water onto Santana forcing her to lower the water for a few seconds.
He chuckled.
"Noah!" she screamed but laughed slightly. She adjusted the spray on the hose so it shot harder at both boys. Quinn filled up another bucket and drenched the boys with perfect aim surprised at the huge smile that spread across her face.
"What the hell?" Santana heard her uncle yell, but it was muffled by the sound of water.
Suddenly the water stopped. Santana looked over an Shelby had turned off both of the hoses.
"Are you kidding me?" Shelby asked. Michael and Dexter rounded a corner trying to mask their smirks of amusement.
Quinn was pretty sure it was a rhetorical statement, but Santana still answered. "He started it," she said as if would explain everything.
"That's crap," Griffin huffed as he wiped off his face and then waved his hand accusingly at Santana. "You're so..." he trailed off. He anger morphed into confused worry. "Rach?"
All of them turned to her and she was still crouching in the pig pen even though all of the tiny piglets had moved to the other corner because of the sudden rain. She was trembling. She was still sitting back on her heels on the ground covered in mud and just as drenched from the water as the other four were.
"Rach," Griffin continued. "It's just water, bug."
His voice was gentle in a way that Quinn never thought Griffin Carlson capable of.
"Rachel?" Santana asked walked toward her.
The tiny girl stayed where she was but flinched away slightly. Her left shoulder shrugged slowly as if protecting herself. She shook her head as her brow furrowed and she began to cry softly.
"Rach," Shelby said quietly as she knelt next to her. "Noah, go get me a towel please.
Rachel looked down at her hands and the tears continued to flow. "I need to go change, mom."
"Stand up, sweetheart," Michael guided. "You'll dry. It's just water..." he said trying his best to stay calm while searching for any missing pieces that Rachel might offer.
She shook her head frantically. "No, I can't. I wanna be dry..." she muttered. She continued to look at the ground. "I wanna be dry. I need to be dry." She stood up slowly and Shelby reached her hands out to support her but the girl only pushed her away. Rachel didn't watch everyone looking at her. She kept her head bowed slightly. "I just... I need to be dry," she muttered and she walked briskly inside.
"What's going on?" Griffin asked.
Dexter soaked in everyone's sullen glances. He frowned. "What happened?"
Shelby looked over at Bear who only took a deep breath. She stood to her feet and walked after Rachel.
Bear put his hands on his hips. "We all need to have a talk."
…...
Michael walked quietly next to his youngest granddaughter. He wasn't a man of few words, but he was a watchful man. He hated seeing her like this. However, he knew what he was seeing. He had seen those eyes countless times in offices across the region when he worked in Lima. He just couldn't bear seeing Rachel like that. Rachel had gotten changed and Michael guided her back to the barn to help sort out a few more pens. He had told her he needed to show her something even though they mainly just needed her out of the house. He wasn't sure how Shelby and Santana helped her change, but she was calmer now. However, she remained sheepish and distant.
"What are you going to show me?" Rachel asked looking up at him as they walked the path.
"It's a surprise, bug," he said with a smile.
"You know you could just say that you had to get me out of there because I freaked out," Rachel said crossing her arms. "And everyone needs to talk about how I'm... broken now," she finished quietly looking up at her grandfather. She remembered Santana's words before she left.
"You're not broken," Michael said stopped in his tracks. "Rachel, stop for a second and look at me."
She turned, but before he could speak she continued. "everyone's going to grow up and get a life and I'm going to be that girl in the family."
"What girl?" Michael asked as he guided looked at her carefully.
"You know the one who is stuck with her family because she is so stuck..."
"What do you mean?"
"The one who is stuck in the past that she can't move forward. She can't stop being afraid." She let the last part trail off and she met her grandfather's eyes slowly. the tears watered in her eyes. "I don't know what I'm doing..."
"Rachel," he said softly pulling her into his arms. "You're doing just fine."
"Don't lie, Pop-Pop," she whispered into his neck.
"Do you want to talk about it? Maybe I can help," he said casually.
He noticed immediately that she tensed up. He watched as she sunk quietly into herself. "You don't have to do this," she whispered.
"You're saying I didn't want to spend time with you?" he asked with a chuckle.
She looked up with him with a slight glare. "Don't do that, Pop-Pop." She looked back down at the ground. "I'm not dumb. I'm a lady."
"I didn't say you were, bug," he muttered. "You wanna talk about it?"
"No," she said. She stomped slightly in her step. "If you had water dumped on you, you would want to change!"
He arched his brow. "That's true. I would. Santana and Griff are sorry, Rach."
"I know," she said quietly. "Santana told like a million times … in her San way of course. And Griffin well he nodded and mumbled. But I was never mad at them..." she trailed off. It was true. She wasn't. She was angry at herself.
They rounded the corner and he threw some extra hay into the pen for the goats. They continued and he sighed, trying to ease into the conversation. "Can I talk to you about something?"
She looked up at her grandfather. "Sure," she said carefully.
"You've told me countless times you're going to be a star," he said with a smile as he stopped near the horses. She climbed up onto the fence and watched the horses. She was now at his height level.
"Yes, I have," she said.
"Rach, what your stepfather did was really wrong," he said as she continued to watch the horses. He noticed her lower her head. "I know no one really talks about it, especially with you." He shook his head. "It never should have happened. I'm sorry." She looked up at him as his voice wavered. "People do bad things Rachel. Not just your step dad or maybe Quinn's dad." She turned away again and watched the horses. He went on. "But there are different kinds of bad just like different kinds of good."
"I didn't think that, Pop-pop. I think people are bad or they are good," she said holding on to the fence.
"Do you really think that?" he asked.
The watched the horses gallop, knowing the truth. "I hoped it..."
"You don't now?" he asked watching her.
She frowned. "I don't know. Good people make bad choices but can bad people make good ones to right their bad ones?"
He looked at the sky for his answer. "I don't know. I think it depends on the situation." He took a deep breath. "I know you think everyone treats you like a baby. Have you ever wondered why?"
"I know why."
He looked at her waiting.
She continued. "Because of what happened."
"Some of it and some of that is because you will always be the baby in the family," he said. "You can't get past it – It's just the way families work." She huffed. "But also as you grow older – You grow to be smarter about trusting people. If something doesn't seem right – it probably isn't."
"Everyone's talking to me about trust lately," she muttered, knowing she had been wrong. "I wish you just said what you're not really saying."
He chuckled. "Rachel, we're not trying to trick you. I am telling you this because even though you are my baby bug, you are growing up and you need to know things. You are a strong little girl growing into a strong woman." He looked at her. "Rachel, people had instincts around you because of what happened. You need to trust your family members that have always been there for you. They are not doing or saying things to you to baby you Rachel – They are asking you because they love you and would do anything and everything to protect you."
"I can protect them too," she whispered hugging the top rung of the fence she was resting on.
"Yeah, you can," he said carefully. "But you don't have to burden everything."
"We've been through enough, Pop-Pop," she muttered.
He looked at her more and took a breath. "You know why people have been talking to you about trust?" SHe looked at him expectantly. "They don't trust your instincts. Sometimes, Rach, people become trustworthy so that they can hurt you."
"Sometimes if you tell, things can change for the worst way and people get let down and they leave." The words poured out of her in a soft whisper that was so soft that Michael almost missed it.
"Rachel, no one will ever leave you. We love you," he said trying to catch her gaze.
"They wouldn't on purpose," she whispered again, avoided his eyes.
Michael frowned soaking all of this in. He tried not to stare at her as he wondered if this situation was a transparent as he thought it was.
Rachel glanced at her grandfather but looked away. "Can I tell you a secret?" she asked.
Michael straightened. Had it been that easy?
"You know I can't keep secrets if they hurt you," he said honestly.
"I'm mad at my dad," she said quietly. Michael frowned but she continued. "He left." She shook her head. "And because he did..." She felt the tears wet her eyes. "But he didn't mean to. I can't be mad at him for dying, but I am." SHe swallowed. "I'm mad at him for choosing him. Everything fell apart. I can't be alone again. I can't. He left me."
"Rachel," Michael said gently. "Come here." She climbed off of the fence and looked up at him. "As long as we are all physically on this earth, Rach, you won't be alone - and when Nana and I go up to see your dad - just like him we will be watching over you."
Rachel looked at him. "I wish I remember him better, but I don't. No one is ever mad at him." She searched her grandfather's eyes. But sometimes I get mad and then I feel badly because I don't remember him and he didn't mean to die..." She looked at him. "Don't you wonder what it would be like if he was here?"
"I'll assure you, Rach, you're not the only one who's upset that he died."
"Not upset, Pop-Pop, I'm mad at him," she said quietly. "It's different and ….. I just want to get it right."
"You're afraid people would be angry at you for something?" he asked.
She didn't respond. She bit her lip staring at the ground.
"I don't know how to be grown up, but I'm trying, Pop-pop." SHe looked up at him with big eyes. "I know someday I need to go off and be alone. I'm not ready yet though."
"You're not alone, bug," he said hugging her. "You'll never be alone." He rubbed her back as she laid her cheek on the top of his shoulder with an exhausted sigh. "Rachel, you know he's always with you," he said softly.
Her head shot up and her eyes widened , but then lowered her head again. "I hope not," she whispered.
…...
The family sat there quietly.
"Wait," Griffin finally said. "We're not supposed to talk to her about it?"
"No, you're not Griffin," Bear said. "Nothing."
Santana looked over at Quinn, who looked uncomfortable and out of place. She realized they hadn't truly spoken. She wasn't sure if they needed to. They weren't the chatty types. However, she needed to assure Quinn that she wasn't going to tell.
"You're going to catch him, right?" Dexter asked shaking his head.
Santana looked over at her eldest cousin with a frown. He had started his senior year of high school when they moved to Lima. Rachel was barely five years old and still dealing with repairs and frequent infections. Dexter was the most level headed out of the other three kids and was usually the one helping Shelby with Rachel. It had broken his heart every time but also ignited a fire in him to pursue pediatric medicine. He could never imagine, however, having to ever help Rachel like he did before. She should never ever have to go through that again.
"We are trying, Dex," Joey said softly.
"Well, try harder," he said abandoning his normally casual tone. "She cannot take that again."
"You don't think we knew that?" Santana hissed standing up. "We know that, Dex. Really, I think we do."
She stalked out of the room, daring anyone to follow.
Quinn watched Santana leave and wondered in that moment if it was about Rachel or if it was about something else. She looked at Shelby as if asking the question.
"I'll be right back," Shelby said quickly as she left the room. Quinn looked around. She really doesn't belong here. She looked around her. Noah was sitting next to her with his head in hands. Griffin looked like a mixture of constipated and confused. His lack of a filter on facial expressions reminded her of Finn. She leaned back in her seat asking herself for the millionth time: What was she doing here?
"Go wash up," Helen said with a bit of a nod. "You're all getting the place messy. Then come back down. We have pots to scrub and windows to wash."
Quinn glanced over at Noah. "Are you-" before she could finish her question he shot up.
"I don't understand," he said. "She's a minion."
"Minor," Bear corrected.
"Whatever," Noah said with a shake of his head. "Can't you do anything?"
"We're trying," Bear said. He looked at the boy. "But honestly there's nothing we can do unless she says something."
"Well, make her say something!" Noah said waving his arms up in the air.
"We can't," Dexter said quietly. Quinn could tell that something clicked in his head. "I saw this at the hospital during my internship last summer. You can't report...If you don't know." He looked at his cousin. "It's up to other people to investigate."
"Well, let's report then. I'm eighteen," Noah said with new determination. "I can sign."
Joey looked at Bear asking if she could tell her nephew. Bear took a deep breath through his nostrils.
"Noah, I have it under control,." Bear said gently. "She's here. She's safe with us."
"What about people who don't have anyone..." Quinn heard herself say. It came out as a question but it was a statement. She looked at the family. "Men like that don't just stop..." She met Joey's wide, tear-filled eyes. "It's about control..."
Bear looked over at his wife and reached out and took her hand, but she pulled away. "If he did something, we'll catch him."
The blonde stood up and shook her head. "We all know he did. You're just stuck because you don't have proof."
….
Shelby rounded the corner and Santana was standing in the bedroom with her hand on her forehead and her other hand on her chest.
"San," she said gently going to her.
"No, "she said. "Go away."
"San," Shelby said again trying to get her daughter's attention.
"Leave me alone," she whispered. "Just... I need a moment."
Shelby went behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist and rested her chin on her shoulder.
"Where are you?"
"Not here," she said so lowly that it made her whisper seem loud. The sixteen year old felt tears trickle down her face. She gripped her mother's hands that wrapped around her. "She can't remember, Mom."
Shelby hushed sweet nothings into santana's ears. "Shhh."
"She can't..."
Shelby knew that this just wasn't about Rachel. The situation was so tightly woven together the strands almost looked as one. Yes, Santana hadn't been raped like the court defined rape eight years ago. However, the sexual abuse ran deep. Shelby felt herself beginning to shake in rage as she held her sobbing teenager. Shelby remembered sitting behind the camera as her strong Sanny testified. They had allowed her record her testimony before hand. Her testimony was so heart wrenching that most of the jury was in tears. One woman even threw up. She clearly wasn't cross examined; it wouldn't benefit their case if they put a traumatized eight year old on the stand.
She knew that there were so many small details that she didn't know. She knew that there were so many moments of panic and fear that Santana refused to feel. She knew that so much remained unsaid and after years of therapy with Julia, Santana was still only dipping her toes into the water. Julia had once told her that this might be a constant battle for Santana. However, Shelby knew her daughter. Even when she was learning to walk, Santana couldn't be pushed. She needed to do things on her own time. No one could push her. However, then Rachel was born. The pre-mature baby pushed Santana from the beginning and it amazed and confused Shelby at the same time. All that had happened ripped them apart and brought them together all at once; Santana separated herself from Rachel at that point. Shelby saw the difference.
They both knew that Shelby wasn't the one on the outside. Rachel was the one. Never as much in that moment did Shelby regret trying to protect Rachel at that point until that moment. How did she not know that it was going to come crashing down on them. Rachel didn't know all that Santana went through. There were undertones that were wrong and she had allowed that.
"Mom, I can't do this," Santana whispered. "...She can't know..." She turned and looked at her. and shakes her head rapidly. "He did something. He had to..."
Shelby cupped Santana's face. "We don't know. We just need to support her."
Santana stepped away and wiped her tears. "Of course," she said steeling her face.
"How are you? Really?"
"I can't, Mom," Santana said putting up her hands. "I'm not doing this with you. I'm not talking about me or my crappy feelings and crap. I'm just..." She shook her head. "We have more chores. I …. I have to go."
She grabbed Santana's hand. "We really need to talk, San. I know you don't want to, but we need to talk," she said carefully.
"I'm not talking about me," Santana started.
"I'm not just talking about you either," Shelby said softly. "Your sister is going to have questions, whether it be today, tomorrow or next week, but we can't keep not answering them."
"She thinks the wrong things, Mom," Sanana spat, taking her hand back. "And I'm not going correct her because they're not even conversations that I want to have. I'm …." she put her hands up. "I'm not doing this." She shook her hand. "Just let me go."
Shelby gave a sigh as Santana moved further away and started to rummage through her bag. She chewed on her top lip wondering if it was too late to step up. She watched her daughter; it wasn't.
"Santana," Shelby said walking over to the door and closing it. "We need to talk."
Santana stayed near the suitcase looking in as if she looked in long enough she wouldn't be with her mother.
"I know that this last week has sucked," she began.
"You really don't," Santana said fiercely as she stood up. "You don't know. You don't know what it's like to have things fall apart after you build them so careful. You don't know how it feels for everything to be out of your control. You don't know. I guarantee that! You don't know what it's like to have your sister come home and it feels like she has regressed eight years." Santana shook her head and said in a dry tone. "You don't know."
"You might think that I see you different but I don't," Shelby said, taking a risk and diving in. She searched her daughter's angry eyes. "But I have a feeling that it's more than that."
Santana shook her head. "Of course, it is," she hissed turning away from her. "Just leave me alone. We need to focus on Rachel right now," she said as she grabbed her sweatshirt. She met her mother's eyes. "We need to focus before we make another mistake."
She walked past her, ignoring her mother's gaze. She couldn't look at her; she couldn't deal with her own guilt, let alone her mother's.
She walked down the stairs with almost an angry stride. She couldn't do this. She really couldn't. She needed to hit something, anything. Her nana saw her look and told her that wood needed stacking. She didn't even to stop to thank her and headed to the sheds. She let her anxiety and fullness focus her as she moved the piles.
She needed to focus on Rachel. She needed to focus on Quinn. She needed to focus on anything but the fact that Rachel would remember, or that Brittany may hate her because of what she wrote in that letter, or that she had been knowingly putting all of her desires on mute so she didn't have to feel and how a kiss and one girl unmuted all of that. She knew... she always had, but she knew it was so much better to give into the person you hoped you could be than the person that you knew that you actually were. She wasn't ready to be honest and in so many ways it wasn't about honesty. It wasn't about bravery or courage or being herself; it was so much more than that cliche. That was only its shell; it was the simple knowledge that she knew she wasn't ready to handle it. She wasn't afraid of who she would become; she was afraid of who she already was.
"I heard something," Griff said carefully coming up behind her.
She huffed. "Fuck what you heard, Griff," she hissed as she continued to stack wood.
"Are you okay?" he asked in an uncharacteristically soft term.
"Stop it! Just stop it!" she yelled throwing a block of wood at him, which he managed to duck. "Butt out, Griffin! I don't need you in my business and I never did! Just butt out! You don't even like me!"
"You're right," he barked. "I don't like you, but I care about you. You're my family and people are saying some crap."
"I don't care, Griffin!" she yelled again. "I really don't care!"
"Clearly, you do," he said. "And you know what? You should."
"Gah! Griffin! Leave! Me! ALONE!" she screamed.
"Griffin, finish the wood please." Santana looked and her nana was standing there as she stood there furiously trying to catch her breath. "Santana, come with me."
Santana took the bundle of wood that she was holding and shoved it roughly into her cousin's arms. She followed behind her grandmother avoiding her eyes.
"I want to talk to you, Santana," the woman said. the teenager deflated. She did not want to do this. As always, her grandmother always knew what she was thinking. "I know you don't want to talk to me about any of this." She shook her head. "Do you remember when you first came to Lima. You didn't trust me. Remember?"
"Of course I do," she said as they rounded the corner. She folded her arms over her chest, suddenly feeling exposed.
"You and I need to talk." Nana's voice was more of a truth than a statement. Santana slightly deflated and folded her arms over her chest. "But," the older woman said. The girl looked up. "Not now. Now, you need to calm down." Santana frowned. "You think I don't know you, Santy, but I do." She sighed. "We need to change some things around here. Your anger scares me and I think it scares you too. Know this, we're going to talk about this." She looked at her before they rounded the corner. "You have operated a certain way about what happened." She watched her granddaughter flinch. "And it's not going to work anymore. Clearly." Santana looked at the ground. She took the girl's hand. "You know I love you, right?" Santana gave the tiniest nod. "I need you to get it though, San." The girl licked her bottom lip as if the tiny action would control her tears. "But for now, I think you need the only thing that we know will calm you."
Nana looked up as they rounded the corner.
"Sanny, look kittens!" Rachel yelled from across the barnyard. Rachel was kneeling with Pop-Pop surrounded but a litter of kittens.
Santana looked at her grandmother. "I know that you're scared for her, San, but you need her as much as she needs you. You've always known what to do with her. However, she's not little anymore and she needs you to be her sister and her friend just as much as she needs you to hold her at night. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
She gave her grandmother a sad nod as she watched Rachel smile softly at the kittens as she crawled in her lap.
"I get it," she nodded.
"Sanny, come look at the kittens. I've named this one Snix. Come name one," Rachel called.
Santana gave a deep breath and savored the moment because she was able to put her thoughts on hold again. She nodded thankfully at her grandmother as Rachel came running over to her with a kitten in her arms.
…..
After dinner Quinn sat awkwardly in the living room pretending to read a book as the family bustled around her in the same way that she suspected that they had for years. She and Shelby had a one-on-one as permitted by her grounding. However, when she had entered the room Shelby was staring wistfully out the window at Santana and Helen as they rounded the corner. Quinn knew her mind was with her real family. However, the mother had put on a good show talking to Quinn about how she was settling in Florida. She was sure that there was more of the conversation, but she became distracted. She gathered that the family had been living in this house off and on for years but it wasn't until about six or so years ago that they moved down here permanently.
Quinn Fabray was smart and she knew how to snoop if she wanted to. It was during her conversation that she got a glimpse of something that she made a note to come back to. She and Shelby were dusting in the library and amidst the clutter on the window seat was a stack of old photo albums. Perhaps it was at that moment that Quinn stopped listening to Shelby, but she knew at that moment she became focused on those albums.
Now was her chance to look through them. Everyone was off doing something. Perhaps Rachel was showing them the litter of kittens she found, but she wasn't sure. She knew that her sleuth skills were weak because she had no idea what they were doing, she just knew she was free for a bit.
She eased into the library and sat on the floor behind the tall-backed chair. She just wanted to look. She opened the first album. She was expecting pictures of Noah and Santana and the family from before they moved to Lima. She wasn't prepared for what she found. The food that Shelby had shoveled onto her plate at dinner was now doing flips.
It was pictures of her mother and Joey.
It was an entire album dedicated to Joey's entire junior year of high school. Quinn's mother... No, she shook her head. This wasn't her mother. This was Judy Garner. After the eighth page of laughing candids, Quinn started to feel a deep hatred toward Judy Garner as much as she did for Judy Fabray. People change; people grow apart. However, this felt so different. Before Quinn thought of them as two different people, but at that moment, she realized that they weren't. That's what made her ache. This smiling young, charismatic beauty was the drunk who told her regularly that she was worthless were the same person. Before she was letting her off of the hook, now she wasn't; she refused. She took a picture of her and Joey caught mid laugh out of the album and looked at it. Her mother's smile was the same. There was nothing less haunting in her eyes. Those were still the same. It was the same person.
Quinn felt a lump in her throat. She hated that person, she thought as she ripped up the picture. She ripped it into smaller and smaller pieces. This wasn't just in hatred of her mother, but of herself and what she threw away. Was this her future too? Was she doomed to a life of such bitter angry unhappiness that in a few decades her own daughter would be ripping up pictures of her? Quinn frowned deeper grabbing another picture. Would there even be anyone in that picture? There we so many things that she hated about her mother, but in that moment on the floor of this Florida plantation with a family that wasn't her own, Quinn realized she hated her mother most for being happy. There was an entire photo album dedicated to her mother's happiness. She reached up and grabbed another picture, ripping it in the tiniest pieces possible.
She didn't hear anyone come in behind her or hear them call her name. All she was able to concentrate on was the hatred that burned in her heart for her mother. However, when she felt a pair of warm, gentle arms wrap around her in a hug she leaned in and released the lump in her throat, allowing the tears to flood from her eyes. She didn't see Joey at the door watching tearfully as her mother wrapped her arms around her newest grandchild. They weren't just mourning the loss of who Judy used to be. They were recognizing the sorrow in Quinn's acceptance of everything Judy never was and never would be.
It all lay there scattered in pieces on the floor of the library in the shape of memories.
…..
Noah laid sprawled out on his futon, staring at the ceiling. He had been like that for the past twenty minutes. He was trying to de-stress. He felt a book land on his stomach with a thud.
"Your mom said to give this to you," Griffin said. "And do your chapter review questions."
The other boy plopped down on his futon as Noah sat up and looked at his history textbook. He fanned the pages. This was the last thing that he wanted to do. A letter fell out of the pages and onto the floor. He frowned as he completely forgot to open the letter. He had originally stuck it in there for storage. He wanted to read it when no one was snooping but it was too late. It didn't have a return label and it simply told Puck it's wasn't just a birthday card with money. It was stamped with postage from New York. So many questions and the boy wanted the chance to ask his questions on his own.
"What is that?" Griffin asked looking over at his younger cousin.
"Nothing." He stared at it. He wasn't sure who it was from but he wasn't in the mood to deal with it. So he put it back in the textbook, deciding to let history keep it safe for another day. "It's nothing."
"Noah?" a small voice said from the top of the stairs. He sat up and saw Rachel standing there with George.
"What's wrong, bug? What is it?"
Rachel shrugged. "I just... Can I hang out up here for a bit?"
"Why?" Griffin asked.
"I don't know..." she mumbled. "Nevermind."
"Hey, Rach, forget it come here," Griffin called. "You can hang out."
She walked over to Noah and climbed into his futon and laid her head on his stomach. Noah was trying his best not to show his surprise; this was normally Santana's department.
"You wanna talk about something?" Noah asked carefully.
She shook her head and leaned into her brother's side. "No," she mumbled. "I just wanted to stay here with you."
"Okay," he said soothingly. He felt her small hand on his.
"Does it still hurt?" she asked sleepily as she traced his bruises.
"Nah," he said with tender chuckle. "It's kinda a dull ache. I can kinda feel it but not really."
"Oh," she said still looking at his hand as she allowed herself to relax into the rhythm of his chest, forcing herself to feel safe with him. "I get that."
"You do?" he asked.
She yawned. "Yeah... I do a lot."
…...
Shelby sat with an exhausted sigh in the living room. Everyone was asleep. The house was quiet and the day was over.
"Shelby?"
She let out a groan. "Yes, Mom."
"We need to talk."
Shelby opened her eyes and her brother-in-law, sister and parents were all taking seats casually near her. She couldn't help feel cornered.
"What?" she asked as she pinched the bridge of her nose.
"You need us," Joey said.
"Gah," Shelby said not wanting to dive into this conversation.
"Subtle, Joanna," Helen said with an eye roll. "Shel, you have three very angry and confused teenagers right now and a very depressed little girl - I think we need to come up and spend some time in Lima-"
"Mom," Shelby said shooing her head up. "That's really...Joey and Bear have -"
"They work full time or at least they're supposed to," Helen said.
"We don't think that you're incapable as a mother, Shelby," Michael said.
"Well, clearly you kinda do," she scoffed.
"You need to accept some support from us," Helen assured her daughter.
"I am," Shelby said quickly but then recoiled as if she felt as though she were whining like one of the kids. "Joey and Bear help with rides and-"
"We need to..." Helen began.
"You need to, we think," Michael continued. "The kids are on the verge of something big, particularly Sanny. I know you've worked closely with her therapist for years and have established a careful approach to what she endured from that man. However, like Rachel triggers might start going off again. Same with Noah."
"Additionally, with Quinn's trauma being so fresh," Helen said catching her eldest daughter's eyes.
"I get that," Shelby said. "I know they're going through a lot but I just...I'm trying to do best by them."
"We know that, Shelby," Helen said. "We all need a support system and if something happened to Rachel then we really need to create a strong front."
"Go back to how it was before?" Shelby asked quietly.
"No, because things are clearly different, but we want to step up," she said.
"They're not just coming for you," Bear said. "We all need some support right now, Shelby. Think about if it was us." She looked up and sighed knowingly.
"Okay," she whispered. "What are you thinking?"
Michael stood up. "We need to figure out how we're going to approach this. How we really are because this is all going to come out. I can feel it."
They frowned and looked at him.
"What do you mean?"
He paused and looked at the family. He took a deep breath. "My conversation with Rach this afternoon makes me think, allows me to know that something happened."
Shelby felt herself deflate but knew in that moment that she needed the support around her to catch her when she fell.
…...
Quinn looked up at the ceiling. Shelby had checked on them multiple times and she was almost too tired to pretend to be sleeping. She finally heard her descend down the stairs. She felt the bed shift slightly after a few minutes and she heard the window open. She shot up.
"What are you doing?" she whispered into the darkness.
"Calm yourself," Santana whispered and climbed through the window.
Rolling her eyes, Quinn climbed out of bed and followed her. To her surprise, she didn't see Santana descending down the terrace; the girl was just sitting on the roof.
"If you want to come out here you can," Santana said into the darkness, "but you're not going to stare at me like some dead fish in a fish bowl."
Quinn sighed and crawled out onto the roof. "What about Rachel?" she asked after a few seconds.
"I can hear her from here," Santana said with a chuckle. "Trust me. I've done this before."
She leaned back and stared at the stars. Being in the country allowed them to pop so brightly in the sky.
"Have you ever looked at the stars?" she asked the blonde.
"No, not really something that I do," Quinn scoffed looking out onto the moonlight countryside.
She felt Santana yank her back so she was laying back. "Look at the damn stars."
"Why?" Quinn frowned.
"Because it clears your head of everything else... It makes you think your problems are little."
"Well aren't we the poetic one," she murmured.
"I will roll you off this roof," she spat.
"Sure, you will,"she challenged back.
A silence settled over them as they stared up at the sky.
After a few minutes, Quinn heard Santana speak up.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked quietly. Quinn knew Santana saw her emerge from the library earlier that night. They made eye contact but they didn't say anything. She also knew that Santana knew; she knew something no one else in the world knew. And she felt safe and comfortable with that face alongside being terrified.
"No," she whispered. She looked over at her sister in the dark, silently smiling at the unconscious admittance of who was laying next to her. "Do you want to talk?"
"No," Santana said quietly. "But thanks." She said with a small smile in her voice.
"Yeah, you too. Thanks," Quinn murmured.
And so the girls laid there and allowed the omnipotence of the stars carry their unspoken truths away, at least for the night.
Sorry this took so long everyone. Antibiotics. Yuck. Also, I was again distracted by a later story arch and was writing that. Thank you so much for your patience and continuous support. Sorry this was a little shorter than usual.
Please let me know what you think of this chapter. I would greatly appreciate it.