Open Wounds

by 216BLT

AU: The past is the past. Puck, Santana, & Rachel Corcoran have moved on from theirs, but when their mother decides to take in a teen, old memories resurface. Also, new scars are made as they navigate through adolescence, ones that might not heal.

31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31:

Piper – my user name is a childhood nickname that diverged and grew from "bean." …. I'm five feet.

lovecanbesostrange – wow super epic review! What could I possibly say! I am blown away by all that you wrote. I am so happy that you enjoy my story. I am not sure that I can address all that you wrote in your review. Just a couple of things – first and foremost the nickname bugs that I call Rachel is because it is a nickname I have for a very close friend of mine and I just wanted to incorporate it in the story. That being said, you are right child abuse is a very serious topic and I am trying to write this story as truthful and real as possible. This story is NOT for everyone. As you can see in the story even though the same events happened people's perceptions are completely different. They are not right or wrong just different because of what is happening, age of the person it is happening to and a host of other reasons. So much more will be revealed and everyone will see just how much these 3 girls lives are parallel to each other and how they will lean on each other to get through some of the most horrific things and still grow and become well-rounded wonderful adults. I'm glad that Santana is one of your favorite characters. She has had a variety of influences on her that has shaped her and made her who she is. Not just one. Her father being gay didn't "make her gay" but I will be exploring more of her storyline later. Thank for your careful eye to all of the details that I sneak into this story. I try very hard to develop my characters in the most organic way possible. I know that this barely touches your review but I wanted to get this chapter out and your review was really one that I need to dive into and digest. So thank you so so much again. I am truly honored!

needscoffee – They will still try to bond but things get a little rocky in this chapter for poor Quinn. Thanks for reviewing.

Iuterpi – Big step forward for the both of them but there may be a couple of steps back in this chapter and unfortunately it is not anything either of them did – but sometimes other people can get people thinking differently. Thanks for reviewing.

Amandaes417 – I am feeling better – thank you. I am glad you enjoyed this chapter and while it still contained the angst there were some light moments. Unfortunately for Rachel she is going through so much it is going to take her a while to really enjoy herself again. Thanks for reviewing.

BRO – It has only been about a month that Quinn has been living with the Corcorans. Right now I can't honestly how long it will be because the case against her father has not been tried yet nor has her mother complied with anything that she has supposed to be doing to get her daughter back. Basically Quinn is in foster care until these things happen and as long as the Corcorans home is an approved placement for her she will be there for the foreseeable future. There will be many many more Rachel / Santana moments as well as Quinn / Shelby moments. Thanks for reviewing and your question was not silly.

MaJorReader619 – Ok – please sit down and read this chapter as well as the next chapter in a safe place. There is lots more to come out and I do not want to lose one of my dedicated readers. As always, thanks for the reviews.

Scout – You are correct there are many many real life children suffering through this everyday. And in my line of work I see it too much. Even though this happens in real life I hope as a whole my story will show that people are strong and can survive terrible things. Thanks for reviewing.

Tcathing – Sometimes it does take a pair of outsider's eyes to see what is going on but Shelby is on top of things, Rachel just has to open up. But she is 11 in this story and she has been scared into thinking she will lose everything so this is hard for her. Mr. Schue is so cocky right now it could be his downfall. Thanks for reviewing.

Fangirl44 - They are amazing grandparents and they have helped Shelby so much in the past – you will start to see this more and more. Thanks for the review.

MissLauraKinney - This story is really not going to be done anytime soon – I can't have all these things happen and not give proper follow through. Thanks for the review.

SuzQQ – I am not sure that a kitten will come home with Rachel right now. Even though it comforts her she is really not in any position to take care of it and Shelby has her hands full right now so we will wait and see on that one. Nana and Pop-pop may come to Lima but we need to work out the details as to when and for how long and where will they stay now that Quinn is there. Lots to work out but they will try and make it work. Rachel will be close to confessing some of it but she is scared of losing everything – plus now that she doesn't see him anymore she is hoping that it will all go away on its own. Leroy's family is still in the kids lives but it is hard to put them into the story just to put them in if you know what I mean – they need to have a purpose and if the story warrants it – they will. As always – thanks so much for taking the time to review.

Renata – Once again thank you so much for your kind words! Griffin is probably not the best of cousins but he still cares for them he is just all about himself so he has some growing up to do. The author of Noah's letter will be revealed soon. Thank you as always!

broadwaybound2016 I am glad you liked it. Thanks for the review.

Cookie – If you really want to know – please PM me because I don't want you to be confused. More will come out this chapter but they were abused differently and Rachel was 2 ½ so her memory is not the same as Santana's memory and they have never corrected what Rachel thought happened and what actually did happen. All of it was too painful. You are right it has been about not triggering Rachel but Santana has always wanted to just not talk about it and forget about it and now they know that while it was the best approach then it is not the best approach now. The problem is Santana does not want to change that but she really has to. Thank you for your review. I hope this has cleared it up some but if not always feel free to PM me and I will let you know all the details.

Drea LuRuiz – Quinn is starting to finally feel what it is like to have a sister so I don't think she will turn back now but they will always have their feuds – but it will be sisterly feuding now. Thank you for reviewing.

Kimberlli – Yeah it is hard to picture any of the Corcoran / Berry clan as ugly. The antibiotics helped and I am feeling better finally I don't want to go through that again. Thanks for the review. Sit back because while Rachel reveals some it will be a while if at all before she reveals all.

Stevensone – Well I am glad you can feel sorry for Quinn – even if it is a little. I am guessing she is not one of your favorite characters. I myself think it is the way they have ruined her character on the show. How much can you torture one character? Anyway, I do unfortunately see too many of these things in my line of work and it is a extremely sensitive subject but I hope to portray it where even faced with the horrible – anyone can overcome things as long as they have love and strong people around them. Thanks for the review.

Abbie – Dexter is too level headed than that and I think Griffin cares too much about himself to do anything about it so that won't be happening. Thanks for reviewing.

Hazelstar – I promise the author will be revealed soon. It is another added twist. Thanks for the review.

val-cb – There will definitely be more Rach/Quinn/Santana moments – they all share something and need each other desperately. Thanks

Gleek1990 – They still have mischief in them so there will be funny parts throughout and sometimes I find it difficult to write it in because I need to make sure where it will fit. Thanks for the review.

marinka4 – I think you can review as many times as you want but I love it that you take the time to review. Rachel is almost talking but she is not there yet. Thanks

NinjaGleek21 – There will be a day or so that they have no chores but they still are grounded somewhat so they couldn't go a whole vacation without it. But they will have time to relax and unwind a little. Thanks for the review.

Brittana Fan – There will be more and more flashbacks in the chapter and the future chapter because Rachel is remembering and Santana is remembering and while they are recalling the same event – it is seen through different eyes so perception of what happened is different. Thank you for making this one of your favorites. And thank you for the review.

piecesofyourheart – I am glad I have calmed you stomach but hold on because the next 3-4 chapters may cause it to twist and turn again. Shelby has a lot of support and she will need it and depend on it. Thanks for the review.

TommyH – I am glad you like. I love my faithful reviewer and reader!

AcexofxSpades – After feeding these animals Quinn is all about more bacon and more beef! I hope to clear up some of your confusion in the next couple of chapters. If not, please PM me and I will do it there.

btvscharmedgirl – A smiling happy Judy is not something Quinn should ever see – she has made her life a living nightmare. Thanks for reviewing.

OTHangels - I am glad you like the new characters. I enjoy writing them. Thanks for the review.

HIsland429 – I will reveal more what Santana wrote to Brittany in this chapter but it will take some time to reveal all but sometimes people get more confused than anything when things are written but not said. What Santana is trying to say and the way Brittany is interpreting it may be different. You made valid points and while we know that Shelby wouldn't go to jail and even if that happened Bear and Joey would never allow it but looking at it from a scared eleven year old – she does not want to take the chance. Thanks for the review as always.

Ryoko05 – There will be more and more family moments while in Florida and while Nana and Pop pop are not going back to Lima on the same plane they will be there at a minutes notice when needed by Shelby. Thanks for the review.

Filmaddict – I have now added you to the list of the people who want to do bodily harm to Mr. Schue. And when the time comes – you will be free to do whatever you like to him. Thanks for the review. Rachel is trying but she is scared.

Finally to the two Anons that wrote a review that was not really so nice. While I appreciate ALL reviews and never ever expect them all to be complementary everyone has a right to their opinions I am asking you if this story offends you that much, please do not continue to read it. To the one of you that was negatively affected by it – it amazes me that you read the entire story so far. If this was a book, it would have been over 900 pages. I wish it was only my imagination that I was using when writing this story, however, I have unfortunately had to witness some of these horrific events from real life experiences. I have a job – and it deals with helping people overcome these types of events. So at this point – since this story offends you so much – please do not continue to read it.

Chapter 31

Sorry this took so long everyone. This chapter is very cause and effect, every action has a reaction.

Please note that the abuse for Rachel, Santana and Quinn started at different ages and was different types of abuse even though in general terms it was sexual abuse for all the girls and it was done by a parent.

Please be aware that this chapter has a HUGE trigger warning. We dive more into the Corcoran's past. Please proceed with caution. This chapter contains several references to child abuse and I cannot stress enough that this chapter and the next couple of chapters are very difficult. I hope this clears up some questions. However, not everything is answered here. Again, please PM me with any specific questions. Further, this chapter and the next are pretty tough and emotional. Thank you again for all of your support. Let me know what you think.

The next day, they piled into the car. Rachel opted to stay at the farm; however. it was more passive than direct. Quinn rethought the morning. Long story short, Rachel didn't get out of bed. Nana assured Shelby they would have fun. Therefore, they all piled into two cars and were heading somewhere "fun." Because Rachel was home, Santana was grumpy. The more Quinn thought about it she never would have considered that the tough brunette was so attached to her sister. Quinn snuck a glance over at her as they pulled up. Before Quinn never took the time to care about anything Santana related. If she had she would have maybe talked to the tiny girl who always sat in the stands watching practice. Quinn couldn't gather her thoughts as the car came to a stop. She paused and looked around.

She frowned. Seriously? This is what happy families did? For the first time, she didn't feel like she was missing out.

They were at Dinosaur World. Quinn frown. They didn't even have a baby there to be the excuse of them being there. Her eyes narrowed and her eyebrows almost touched because they were furrowed so much. She looked over at Santana, who only shook her head and shrugged. There were large fake dinosaurs everywhere. Quinn shook her head. How did this place make money?

"Let's start over here! I want to look at the Pterodactyls!" Noah said with big eyes.

"No way," Griffin said. "T-Rex is this way."

Noah frowned. "Pterodactyls are SO much better than T-Rex man! They can FLY! And they have razor sharp claws! So they can swoop down and tear a bitch up then waBAM disappear."

Griffin shook his head. "T-Rex will snatch that little bird out of the sky so fast and eat it up!"

Noah shook his head. "Not if they fly super high up!" He sped his voice up and Quinn almost thought the tall tough boy was going to jump to prove his point and exert his excitement. "The Pterodactyl could snatch out the T-Rex's eyes! He'd never even see it coming!" He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "Plus T-Rex has midget arms."

Griffin arched his brow. "Not a chance. T-Rex's are smarter, the dumb bird flies too close." He scoffed and said, "And besides the birds have no hearing, so they wouldn't even hear T-rex coming."

Noah paused, frowned and thought for a moment. Quinn noted that the boy thought too visually. "Pterodactyls have hearing," he finally concluded with a frown. "They screech super loudly to each other."

"I just made that up to see if you were paying attention," Griffin said with a smile.

Dexter walked up behind them. "Alright you two shut up, this is leading nowhere fast. Besides, you are both wrong the Velociraptor is obviously the best." He playfully smacked them both on the back of the head and continued walking past them. "We're going this way. I'm older. Let's go kids." With that the boys led the way deeper into the park.

"What's happening?" Quinn asked out loud as she shook her head.

Clearly this was why they were here. She sneered as they all made their way into the park. Shelby had her arms crossed in front of her as she stared at the plaques in front of each station. Quinn nodded, kicking herself. Of course, there was going to be a test later. She followed close behind Shelby and read each little sign. Why the hell was there so much information about dinosaurs? She read the first one cheap and dirty plaque. 'The heaviest dinosaur was Brachiosaurus at 80 tons. It was the equivalent to 17 African Elephants.' Was that true? 'The smallest fully-grown fossil dinosaur is the little plant-eater Lesothosaurus, which was only the size of a chicken.'How would she remember that? There was no way she could even pronounce that. She looked at another plastic stand thing. 'So far 108 species of dinosaurs have been discovered in Britain. Britain was an important area during much of the Mesozoic Era acting as a 'land bridge' between North America and Eurasia. It became a hotspot for dinosaur evolution and migration.' Wait, what? Quinn never hated something dead and gone as much as she did in that moment.

She looked up and saw the boys taking turns at hitting each other in the back of the head. Santana was trailing slightly behind them and in front of Quinn and Shelby. Joey and Bear were whispering about something a few yards next to them. She wished that Rachel was there to distract her. Mainly because she was the one that always filled these empty pockets of silence; Quinn didn't realize what she was missing until the silence returned. She looked forward and watched the family.

It hit her in that moment. Shelby was alone. Shelby didn't have a Bear. Even her mother in her endless state of miserable unhappiness that only translated in cruelty and ugly bitterness, had her father... She let her thoughts refocus on Shelby. Shelby had no one.

Quinn suddenly felt herself being looked at. "You know you don't have to hang out with me and read these plaques? You can go have fun."

The blonde frowned and looked at her with a confused stare. She laughed uncomfortably. "Have fun?" Her smile faded. "Wait, so you aren't going to quiz us later? We're just here to -"

The boys ran past her arguing about the importance of Velociraptors.

Shelby turned her gaze back to her daughter. "Yes, Quinn, fun." She smiled. "I know it seems kind of silly but it could be fun if you let it."

Quinn looked at her. "But aren't we in trouble. And this place while," she looked around her for non-offensive descriptive words. "Unique. It is educational... Sort of. This should be a learning experience. My father thought that everything had a purpose. When we would go to the zoo or aquarium, it wouldn't be for fun. He used to quiz us afterward on the way home and if we didn't get something right..." Her face fell. She suddenly realized her casual rant had become too revealing.

Shelby shook her head at that absence of Quinn's childhood. "Well, my dear," she said with a smile. While you kids are still in trouble, we're also still on vacation." Santana passed them with her arms folded shouting snarky comments to the boys. She gave Quinn and her mother a slight smile. "Go on." Shelby nodded in Santana's direction.

Quinn bit her lip and looked at Shelby and then looked back at the ground. "I'm sorry about Rachel," she said quietly.

"Quinn, you didn't do anything wrong," Shelby said clearly. "Rachel's the one who lied to us. She didn't want us to know."

"She's eleven," the blonde murmured. "It was someone's responsibility to watch out for her."

"And that's not yours, sweetheart. It's not your burden," Shelby said.

"She's not a burden," she whispered. Quinn sighed and looked around them as they walked ahead silently. "She's going to be okay, right?"

Shelby smiled. "She will be." She took a deep breath. "And so will you, Quinn. You and I have a lot to talk about that we haven't been able to talk about yet."

The sixteen year old girl looked at the ground. "I'm sorry about the pictures," she mumbled.

"It's okay," Shelby said genuinely. "But you and I need to talk, okay? We can't keep waiting for you to have these outbursts. It's okay to have them, but we can also try to prevent them most of the time."

Quinn remained silent. She understood the woman's words, but she didn't want to take the step to live them out.

"Okay," she mumbled.

"But now is not the time," Shelby continued. She watched the girl with a smile as she relaxed. "Go and catch up with the others and relax."

Quinn looked at her and hesitated as if to ask, Who would be with you?

Shelby saw the girl's questioning stare. "Go on," she said. "I'm fine." She looked up. "Santana, Quinn's going to walk with you."

The brunette turned and hollered something after the boys about how there was a reason dinosaurs were extinct.

"What, Mom?" she asked.

"Wait up for Quinn. I want to read some of these things," Shelby said pointing to the signs.

Quinn looked at Shelby one last time before walking ahead. Santana frowned in question. The blonde simply rolled her eyes slightly and shrugged telling the other girl to forget it about it. The two walked quietly together. Each of them knowing that they had too much on their mind to concentrate any energy on being fake.

…..

Nana pulled out of the driveway in the large 1989 Dodge Ram.

Rachel yawned. "Why couldn't I stay home with Pop-Pop?" she asked quietly from the front cab.

"Because you need to get out of the house, bug," she said casually as she turned the corner.

"Mom doesn't like me riding in this," she said in a very Rachel tone. "She really doesn't like any of us riding in it. It's too old and unsafe."

"Well, I'm your mother's mother. I can veto her," Helen said as she drove into town.

"Why didn't we take the SUV?" Rachel asked turning to her grandmother.

"Because I like the truck," Helen said. "Do you want to ask me more questions to distract me from your behavior this morning?"

Rachel looked out the window sullenly. It had been a hard morning. She didn't want to get up and go to Dinosaur World with the other kids and ultimately began to cry about getting up. When Santana was finally able to get her up and into the bathroom to shower and get ready to leave, Rachel grabbed George and ran ahead of Santana. She locked herself in the bathroom. After a lecture from Shelby about how it was important to remove locks from the doors and she should know by now that it was essential, Helen was finally able to calm her youngest daughter down long enough to figure out how to get Rachel out of the bathroom. Ten minutes of silence from the bathroom door, resulted in Bear and Pop-Pop removing the doorknob and lock from the outside. Then it took another twenty minutes for Helen to convince the other children, particularly Santana and Quinn as well as Shelby to continue on their small day trip. The main reason why she was able convince them to leave was because Rachel crawled into the linen closet and fell asleep clutching George.

Rachel avoided her grandmother's gaze. She was embarrassed; she was doing things she didn't quite understand but they seemed to be instinctual.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "But I didn't want to go." She began gaining momentum. "I told everyone that I didn't want to go and no one would leave me alone."

"Rachel," Helen said with a warning tone. "That did not mean for you to act the way you did." She sighed turning into the farmer's market and putting the truck into park. "If you want to be treated as an adult, you need to stop acting like a child."

She chewed her lip. She lifted her head and looked at her grandmother with an indignant front. "I don't want to talk about things and everyone keeps asking me." She looked at her grandmother. "So please, Nana don't do it, too. I agreed to accompany you-"

"You actually did not agree to come," Helen corrected. "You wanted to lay in bed more. I told you you were coming because your grandfather could not watch you while he did his work."

Rachel frowned. "I don't need anyone to watch me."

Helen turned off the ignition and turned to the eleven year old. "Rachel, the big difference with this behavior is it is NOT you."

Rachel turned her head and looked down.

Helen continued. "You know it and I know it."

The tiny girl continued to avoid the woman's gaze.

"Bug, we're worried about you," she said quietly. "Why won't you talk to us?"

"Because," she whispered.

Helen looked at her granddaughter.

"I know that something is wrong and I -"

"Do you love us?" Rachel whispered interrupting her.

"What?" She frowned. "Rachel," she began.

"I know that was...childish...I just... it... seemed right at the time, even though I knew it was wrong," she said quietly.

Helen nodded. "Yes, that's true," she said carefully. "But Rachel, I will always-"

"You love Quinn right? And Sanny? And Noah?" She looked up at her grandmother. "No matter what?"

"Rachel, I love all of you unconditionally. I may not always approve of your choices but -"

"Did you know that... Quinn's daddy hurt her … and Sanny...Something terrible happened to her at school..." Her big brown eyes looked up at her grandmother. "Do you disapprove of those things? What they've had done to them?"

She frowned. Shelby had told her what had happened to both Quinn and then most recently Santana.

"Sweetheart, I love you all so much. I will love you for you. The choices and the decisions you make are your own and while I might not approve all the time of every -"

"So you do," Rachel whispered with a tiny sob. "You disapprove." Her panic parallel with her panicked tone. "You don't love us unconditionally because that's who we are and -"

"Rachel, Rachel," Helen tried to catch this runaway train of a conversation before it crashed. "I love you. I mean I disapprove of your behavior like throwing tantrums or being rude or -"

"But everything is bigger than that! If you don't love Quinn because of how she is now because of her father or love San because she loves Brittany then you certainly won't love me if I-"

Rachel stopped herself and put her hands over her mouth. Her eyes darted back and forth in front of her as if she let a secret slip. She was breathing rapidly.

"Rachel," Helen said. "Rachel."

The tiny girl continued to breathe rapidly as panic seeped from her pores.

"Rachel, look at me," Helen said. "Look at nana." Rachel looked up at her. "Can you take a deep breath for me?" Rachel took a deep breath. "I love you. I love you all so much. Santana and Quinn and Noah and Dexter and Griffin. I love you all for who you are because I know you, whether you guys know that or not." Rachel looked down again. "Rach? Bug? Look back at me. There is nothing you can do that will make me not love you. Do you understand that?"

"You might always think that you love me," Rachel whispered. "But you'll hate me...You'll be disappointed... I can't... I can't..."

Rachel looked up just as an old beat up blue car drove past them. Helen watched her youngest granddaughter and the car and then back at her again. It was as if she was seeing a ghost. If Rachel wasn't panicking, she would have known that that wasn't his car. She would have remembered that his car was different. But she wasn't in that moment. She had accidentally almost told her Nana what happened. She began to cry. She couldn't lose everything. Her grandmother would disapprove of her. That would feel worse. She couldn't do that.

"W-w-we need to go home now," she said with a sob. "Please... Please... I-I-I.. We... need to … we have to go home..."

"Rachel, we just need to run in and get a few things and … "

"No, please," she pleaded. The tears began again. She moved closer to her nana and sat up on her knees, wrapping her arms around her neck. "Please."

Helen looked at where the car just was and tightened her hold. "You need to calm down, bug," she muttered. "Please just breathe, baby." Rachel sobbed. "I just wanna go. Please. Everyone needs to come home. I wanna be home."

She frowned. What was going on?

…...

Santana watched as Noah and Dexter disappeared around the bend with Bear, Joey, and Shelby close behind.

"This is dumb," Santana said as she rounded the corner. "Are we finished yet?"

"No, Buckwheat, we're not," Griffin said with a glare as they entered the Herbivore area.

Santana narrowed her eyes and scowled at the boy.

"What did you call her?" Quinn asked with distaste.

"Buckwheat," Griffin shrugged. "Childhood nickname. You wouldn't understand."

Quinn frowned.

"Listen, she can understand anything," Santana barked. "Stop being a dick."

"Calm yourself, Buckwheat," he hissed with a roll of his eyes. "Back off Fabray. You're not the head bitch here."

"Griffin, I'm serious stop being a dick," Santana said.

"She's a part of the family so I'm going to treat her like it," he said with a casual shrug.

"Clearly, also living up to your reputation," Quinn sneered. "You're a douchebag even to your family."

"You would know about douchebags in your family, wouldn't you, Q?" he asked with a sneer.

"Hey!" Santana scolded pushing him in the shoulder.

"Hey!" he scolded back pushing Santana causing her to lose her balance and fall to the ground.

"You cannot push her!" Quinn yelled pushing Griffin to the ground in front of the Brontosaurus exhibit. She smacked him across the face. "Of all families, you should know that you cannot push your own!" Quinn was losing it. The sane part of her was trying quietly to reel herself back in. However, clearly that part of her was losing out.

"Quinn!"

"Griffin!"

"Quinn, stop," Santana said quickly jumping up to her feet and placing herself between Quinn and Griffin. "It's fine."

"It's not fine," Quinn hissed.

"It is," Santana pushed the stray hair that fell from the blond girl's pony out of her face.

"You're crazy," Griffin said stepping away from the girls.

"Don't call her crazy," Santana yelled as she turned around and slapped him across the face.

"What the hell is going on?" Bear asked as the rest of the family returned. "We could hear you around the corner!"

"He started it," Santana said pointing to Griffin who was gently holding his red cheek.

"I don't care," Shelby said. "Split up please."

"I'm fine," Quinn said with a loud huff. "I just want to walk."

"That's fine, you will and you will walk with me," Shelby clarified. "Let's go."

Shelby walked toward her and Quinn walked ahead, but Shelby stopped her.

"I need to be alone right now, Shelby," she practically spat.

"Well, that's not an option. Your choices are walk with me or sit with me on this bench," the mother said. "Either way you're with me."

Griff gave her a triumphant glare. His mother caught it, but not before Quinn.

"Oh, fuck yourself!"

"You would know wouldn't you!" he yelled back.

The adults glared at Griffin as Quinn deflated slightly and Santana launched toward her cousin.

"You asshole," the brunette barked but was stopped by her mother.

"Griffin!" Joey shouted. "Enough! That was out of line. Apologize now!"

"No way!" he yelled. "I don't trust her! She's Quinn Fabray for God's sake!"

"Griffin, enough!" Bear barked loudly, his deep voice echoed across the park.

Santana was breathing haughtily as she glared at her cousin. She broke her gaze for a moment to notice that Quinn had gone from fuming to silent. She shook her head.

"Griffin, you know nothing," Santana hissed getting back in her cousin's face.

"I know who she is," he began pointing at Quinn, who stood behind them with her arms folded. Shelby was trying to get her attention.

"We taught you better than that," Bear barked. "Apologize!"

"You taught me to protect the family," Griffin argued. "I don't trust her. I don't. I know Quinn Fabray-"

"Bull-shit," Santana said.

"I just..." the blonde whispered. She didn't finish as she stormed off, but Santana didn't miss the tears in her eyes. She started after her but Bear stopped her as she noticed her mother already on the girl's tail as she stormed off. They all watched as the two retreated.

Griffin shot his hand out at Noah. "Come on, man. You know what she's like. Don't tell me you trust her."

"Shut up, Griff," Noah said finally. "I get what you're saying but you're wrong. So shut the hell up."

He looked at his cousin in shock and started to walk away but his mother stopped him.

Joey looked at her son with fuming eyes. "You will be apologizing to Quinn and to Shelby and Santana." She pointed her finger at her son. "You may be in college but you are still my son and I will not put up with that kind of behavior! Ever! Do you understand me, Griffin?"

He gave a slight nod. "Yes, ma'am."

"You need to get off your high horse and learn to treat people with respect!" She shook her head. "Your father is right. We didn't raise you like this. You don't know everything, Griffin, believe it or not. You certainly do not know everyones back stories and how much simple words can hurt. Look at me," she barked at her tall son. "She is now part of this family and you needs to adjust the attitude. Do you hear me, Griffin Michael Carlson?"

He gave a smug but embarrassed look. Not only was his father, brother, and cousins watching him being scolded by his five foot five mother but he spotted quite a few passer-byers eagerly watching the scene unfold as well. "Yes, ma'am."

Santana looked over her shoulder at her brother and they exchanged a knowing look. She shook her head and started toward the direction that Shelby and Quinn went.

"San, come with me please," Bear called. Santana looked at her uncle and walked in his direction as he turned to his youngest son. "We'll talk later," he said to Griffin. He shook his head. "I can't right now, Griff. I …" He shook his head again. "Yeah, later. We'll talk later."

He walked toward his niece. "What was that about?" Bear asked Santana as they left the group.

"Your son was being a dick," she hissed.

"I know," he said. "But...you were being perfectly nice?" he asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.

"He can't say those kinds of things," she hissed.

"I know, San," he nodded. "We will talk to him about it." He took a deep breath.

She interrupted him. "Please don't ask me if I'm okay." She put up her hands. "I'm not doing this right now."

"Sanny, you know how much I love you but we are. We're talking about this," he said in a gentle tone.

Santana shook her head and frowned, but remained silent.

"Rachel needs you-"

"Then why did you drag me out there?" she asked as she leaned in with a frown with her hands in the air.

"She needs you," Bear continued. "And that means you can't be like this. You're not here for her."

"Are you kidding here?" she asked. She put her hand on her chest. She shook her head as her brows furrowed. "How can you say that? I have always been there for her."

"You have also always been there for her to protect her," he said patiently. He had been trying to put together his words for awhile. "She doesn't need that."

"Isn't the the pot calling the kettle black?" she asked.

"She needs you to be her sister and her friend not her protector," he explained.

"I don't understand," she said. "This … God, this just doesn't make any sense. Can we just go back to the farm?"

"No, San," he said. "This needs to come out."

She stopped and searched his eyes. "What?" she frowned, narrowing her eyes. She shook her head when she realized what he was talking about. "We're not... No. She's eleven years old. I'm not talking to her about that. I'm not talking to her about any of that. If she remembers... well... then... yeah... but..."

"She's worried about you," Bear said. "She knows what happened at school and you won't talk about it."

"Well, I'm worried about Quinn and you don't see me holding hands with her asking her about her feelings," she said looking back in the direction that Shelby and Quinn went.

"They need you as much as you need them," he said bringing her attention back to him. He gave her a grin. "I know you do. You may not be ready to talk to her, but she needs you to take that step."

Santana looked away and down at her hands. "I want it all to go away," she whispered. She shook her head. "It's been long enough. Hasn't it?"

Bear looked at his niece. He licked his lips and said, "You spent these eight years trying to forget and Rachel has spent it trying desperately to remember." He saw her eyes fill with tears. "It's not going to go away, Sanny." He ran his hand through his thick, short hair. "She's scared."

"I know that," she said cutting him off. "Wait, which one?"

He gave a tiny smirk. "Both of them." He took a deep breath. "What Griff said was wrong.-"

"No shit," she murmured.

"You're lucky that we don't have your swear jar here," he said but continued. "I don't need you to be perfect, San, I just need you to try."

"I don't even want to do that," she said quietly.

He wrapped her in a hug. "I know," he whispered kissing the top of her head. "Do you think you can lay off my son for a bit?"

"Only, if he's not a jerk," she said leaning into him.

"Out of all of us, you are the best one to make Rachel tell us what is going on," he said.

"I know something happened," she said more to herself than her uncle.

He went on. "You are older and you need to approach this differently. Its not working anymore and we all know it." He searched her eyes. "We're all here for you. You know. I know you don't want to talk about things but -"

"I really don't," she whispered.

"We love you. So so much," he said.

She gave a nod. She knew that, but for all her problems that seemed to way weigh her down in that moment, being loved or not loved wasn't the issue.

…..

Shelby followed Quinn as fast as she could and watched with heartache as the girl collapsed onto the bench.

"Leave me alone," she hissed.

Shelby ignored her and wrapped her arms around her. Quinn tried to push her away.

"Don't listen to him. He's scared for reasons that don't have to do with you," Shelby said hugging the girl.

Quinn pushed her away more aggressively. "Go away," she said. "He's right. I'm not a part of this family." She looked at the mother with tears running down her face. "I told you that." She frowned. "Why didn't you listen to me?"

"Quinn, he's wrong," Shelby said cupping her face. "It's not true."

The blonde girl frowned and pushed her away with more force. "Why would you want me? I'm just some damaged charity case, remember? They make Lifetime movies about kids like me!" She shook her head with anguish and she pushed Shelby away again. "Just leave me alone! Please! Just stop trying so hard." She looked at her fiercely. "I'm embarrassed for you!" She scoffed. "I mean really. What are you trying to accomplish?" She scoffed as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I mean really? Who are you really trying to save? Rachel's at the farm and you're here." She shook her head. "I'm not your kid!" She put her hand on her chest. "Stop pretending that I am."

Quinn used the back of her hand to wipe her tears.

"Quinn, you are just as much as my daughter as Santana and Rachel," she said lowering her gaze to meet her eyes.

"Griffin was wrong and he will apologize," Shelby said.

"I don't need an apology from him," she spat with worn eyes. "I need an explanation from you. He was the one that spoke the truth. You're the one that's still living a lie." She shook her head.

Shelby didn't hate her nephew. However, in that moment she felt so angry and mournful for the loss of what his simple and indirect words had done to the foundation that she had built. It may take months to build something but it only takes seconds to destroy it.

"Quinn," Shelby started again. "You're not a charity case. You are just as much my child as Noah, San and Rachel." She took Quinn's hands. "I didn't need to learn to love you. It's not a chore or a task. It just happened. You can't earn it or take it back. It just happened." She brought Quinn's chin up so that she met her gaze. "And I know that you don't believe any of that. I know that this isn't want normally happen with foster placements, but stop comparing because this is you and me. And I … I can't imagine my life without you." She pulled the girl into her arms. "So, I'll do everything I can to help you believe that."

Quinn collapsed into Shelby's embrace. She didn't have the fight left in her; however, it didn't mean that she believed her. Not one bit.

…..

They arrived back at the farm about an hour later. Griffin offered an apology to Quinn but Quinn just nodded, clearly not caring. Like she told Shelby, she didn't care. Santana walked through the door first and noticed Rachel asleep sitting up on the sofa in the family room with the nebulizer mask on as the movie continued to play quietly in the background.

"What happened?" Shelby asked as she and Quinn entered the room. Santana wrapped her arm around Rachel.

Helen entered the room. "We had a bit of a day, too," she said.

They all looked at each other as the others trailed in. Shelby looked at her mother with an exhausted sigh as Quinn started toward the stairs.

"Quinn, stay down with everyone else please." The girl frowned, but conceded as she sat in a s sofa chair next to the couch where Noah had taken a seat in the family room. She watched wistfully as Griffin and Dexter followed their mother back out to the farm as Joey explained about the importance of respect.

Shelby turned to her mother as she followed her into the adjoining kitchen, leaving the kids in the family room. She kept glancing over her shoulder as if expecting to miss something. However, she remembered her mother's words and how they caught her off guard. "Explain, please."

Helen sighed and looked over her shoulder as Noah and Quinn began to watch another movie as Santana turned off the nebulizer and took the mask of Rachel's sleeping form. Their attention wasn't on them and that's what she needed.

"First of all," her mother said quietly to her. "Do you know anyone who drives an old blue sedan?"

Shelby Corcoran frowned and turned her attention back to her mother. "Yes... why?"

Helen took a deep breath. "Let's sit down."

After a cup of coffee and a thorough explanation, all Shelby could do was sit there with her head in her hands. Her brother-in-law and father stood against the old wooden cabinets, caught up in their own thoughts. She glanced back into the family room and watched her four kids sit together idly, all exhausted in their own world. She caught sight of the monkey in the crook of Rachel's sleeping arm. She never thought that eight years later that would still be there.

Shelby trudged around her upper east side apartment. This was it, the moment of truth. A tiny part of her missed the brownstone that she and Leroy used to share with the kids. However, as soon as it became his and Leroy's home, and especially now months after the events that shaped their lives, she wanted her children to have nothing to do with it.

She rounded the corner. Her mother sat with the kids as they watched a movie on television.

"Rachel?" Shelby asked as she motioned for her youngest to come and see her at the table in the kitchen.

The toddler looked up at her and gave a grin with her pacifier still in her mouth and then looked back at Santana who sat next to her.

"Rachel, come here for a second," Shelby said. "Today's the day."

Shelby smiled and her baby girl stood up and walked toward her with a slight trepidation. Shelby forced her smile to her eyes as she picked Rachel up and sat her in her lap. She was still so gentle with her, even though the doctors said that she was fine.

"So, baby bug, do you remember what we talked about yesterday?" Rachel smiled around her pacifier again. She nodded. "Will you tell me about it?" The toddler's smile disappeared and she shook her head. "Well," Shelby said still with a slight smile. "I told you that today was Binkie Day."

Rachel nodded. Shelby watched her three year old carefully. It had been six months since the kids had been rescued. They had been in the system, through the system and out again. Still, Rachel had her pacifier. It practically limited Rachel's talking. She and Leroy talked about how they were overdue on weaning her off of the pacifier before Shelby left for London, but they didn't get to that.

"So," Shelby explained. "The Binkie Fairy is going to come today."

Rachel's eyes widened in surprise. She looked around from where she sat in Shelby's lap.

"You can't see her though," Shelby went on. "You need to say goodbye to your binkie and put it someplace safe and then the binkie fairy will take your binkie to where all the other binkies go."

"They -" Noah started from the couch.

"Hush," Helen said from the living room.

Shelby went on. "So you need to put your binkie on your bed and then we have to let the fairy come into the room and take it." Rachel looked up at her with a frown and a tilt of her head. "Fairies can't be seen or else they can't do their magic." The toddler nodded and looked over at the couch at Noah and Santana for verification. Her big brother and sister nodded. "So are you ready to say goodbye to binkie?"

Rachel bit her bottom lip and looked up at her mother she slowly took her pacifier out. "Here," she said quietly.

Shelby smiled. "Let's put it on your bed together and then we'll take a walk and come back and see what the fairy left."

Rachel took her hand and they walked down the hallway. Rachel put the pacifier back in her mouth for the short walk as if to say one last goodbye. When they got to the girls' room, Rachel looked up at her mother for instruction. Shelby knelt down in front of her. "This is a very big girl thing to do. I'm very proud of you. I think you are ready for the Binkie Fairy to come do you?" Rachel gave a hesitant nod. "I think you are. Okay, so if you put your Binkie right here when we walk down to my room and back it'll be gone. Do you understand, Rachel?"

"No more, binkie," the three year old explained around the pacifier in her mouth.

Shelby chuckled. "That's right." She kissed her softly on her forehead. "You ready?"

Rachel nodded and frowned as she took her pacifier out and laid it on her bed that she never slept in. She took her mother's hand and allowed herself to be removed from the room. Shelby walked her to the end of the hallway. She snuck a glance down at the girl. She looked so pensive as if she was unsure of her choice. She was so used to seeing Rachel with her pacifier in her mouth that she looked different without it. They returned to the girls' room and Shelby had to muffle her chuckle when the three year old gasped at the wrapped present that lay where the pacifier had been placed.

"Mumma, she came! The fairy came!"

Shelby led Rachel over to the bed and they opened the gift together. It was a Curious George monkey. Its size was big enough for Rachel to snuggle but not too small for her to lose.

"Look," Rachel said with a smile as she held it up.

"What a lucky girl, bug," Shelby whispered. Rachel crawled into her mother's lap with her monkey close in her arms. "What will you call your Curious George?"

"George," Rachel said with a grin as if that was obvious.

Shelby laughed. "Of course."

That darn monkey. Rachel had been so careful with it for the past eight year, but the fact that it was still around made Shelby ache.

"Shelby?"

The mother looked up at her own mother and forced herself to resoak in the information she was just told. She looked at her brother-in-law who was on the phone talking to someone. Then she looked over at her father who was staring at her expectantly. She knew that Rachel needed to feel safe.

Rachel looked around. She had woken up about five minutes ago. She was leaning into Santana's side and Noah and Quinn were sitting there as they all watched a movie. She could see her mother, uncle and grandparents talking in the other room.

"Rachel?" Shelby asked coming into the room getting everyone's attention. "Can we talk to you?"

Noah and Quinn stood up. "I want them to stay," Rachel said. "I don't need to talk."

"We need to talk about what happened before while you were with nana," Shelby said. Rachel deflated. "Do you still want your sisters and brother to stay?"

"Actually," Quinn began.

"I want them to stay," Rachel said. She shook her head. "I was tired... I just... I … I was tired."

"That may be true," Shelby explained, "But we want you to know that you have nothing to be worried about." She looked over at Bear to step in.

"Bug, I called Gus and we checked Will's car is still there in Lima," Bear explained. "You have nothing to worry about."

Rachel shook her head frantically. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Rachel, you started having a panic attack when you saw that old beat up blue car," Helen said from the kitchen.

"No, I didn't," Rachel said quickly. She looked at everyone's look of baffled confusion. "I'm fine now."

Bear looked at her gently. "Rachel, he's not going to hurt you here or ever again."

"I-I-I didn't say that he hurt me," she said looking at everyone in the room. "I didn't."

Santana, Noah, and Quinn exchanged looks. Quinn shook her head and opened her mouth to say something but Shelby stopped her by exchanging a look with the blonde as well Bear. She took a deep breath.

"Rachel, we're just going off based on what Nana said," Shelby said. Rachel looked over at her grandmother and bit her lip.

"I … I … Um..." Rachel felt weak as she tried to gather her words. It was Sunday... Mr. Schuester had... she trailed off in her head. It had happened on Thursday. She hadn't even lasted a week. How was she supposed to keep this us for the rest of her life? She felt her chest clench. She frowned. The rest of her life? Would Mr. Schuester do that to her for the rest of her life? She felt an arm around her hold her more tightly and she flinched.

"It's just me," Santana whispered next to her.

"I feel safe here," Rachel said looking at everyone. "I … I do..."

Shelby looked at her father and gave a glimmer of hopelessness.

Michael stepped forward. "Alright, Rach," he said. He could see that Rachel was clamming up yet again. He knew there was only so far they could push her before she clammed up completely.

…...

Quinn had been given the task of washing vegetables. Shelby kept giving her things to do. It was as if the woman knew that Quinn just wanted to roll up and hide alone and because of that knowledge Quinn was kept in Shelby's eyesight. She understood that perhaps she was the girl on the edge and appreciated that Shelby was allowing her to get out of a heart-to-heart. However, in exchange, she was on high alert. She was being forced to keep busy instead of being forced to talk and she was having a hard time appreciating it.

"How's it going?"

She looked up and Helen next to her. "Fine, ma'am," she said casually.

"Quinn, you don't need to call me -"

"I beg your pardon," Quinn interrupted, barely looking up from her task. "But I am a guest and you are my host and I-"

"You are not a guest. You are as home as much as the others," Helen started again.

"This is not my home," the blonde interrupted. "I appreciate your hospitality, but -"

"It's not -" Helen began again.

"Mom," Shelby called from across the kitchen, where Rachel and Santana stood next to her. "Leave her be please."

Helen sighed and walked away from the girl. Quinn knew that woman was trying, but she was tired of people trying. She just wanted what she expected. She wanted them to give up on her. As if on queue, Griffin walked through the kitchen with his father behind her. She concentrated on the onions she was chopping as if was a difficult task. She never thought in her life that she would be hiding in Griffin Carlson and Santana Corcoran's grandparents' kitchen. However, here she was. As her mind began to overflow again, she was interrupted. Rachel pulled the counter stool up to her.

She gave a slight smile. "Hey, bugs," she whispered. She was now starting to get how this kid lightened up Santana's face.

"Hi," Rachel whispered. "I'm supposed to help you."

Quinn nodded and handed Rachel an onion and a knife.

"Sanny told me what Griff said to you," she said suddenly. Quinn felt off-guard again. Concentrate on the onion, she told herself. "You are my family," Rachel said quietly, pretending to concentrate on her own onion. Quinn hated how much she had let Rachel in but she couldn't push her out, not even if she wanted to. She watched from the corner of her eyes. Rachel looked down at her onion. "I need you here," she whispered.

The older girl took a deep breath. She set down her knife and stopped pretending that her onion had her attention. She turned to Rachel. "I may not be here forever," she said and hated herself a little bit more as Rachel's face fell. She went on. "But I will always protect you, okay?" She gave her a little smirk. "You're like the kid sister I never knew that I wanted." She took a deep breath. "But you need to know that you need to worry about yourself because I can't guarantee I am always going to be here." She took a deep breath as Rachel started making that face again. "I know you're afraid of being alone, but in some ways we all will eventually. People won't always be there to catch you." Even though Rachel's eyes were watering, she couldn't stop herself. "You need to know that. I will do my best but there are only so many things out there that I can control." She tried not to feel terribly as Rachel looked at her with big tear-filled eyes. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Rachel nodded tearfully. Quinn couldn't read the eleven year old, but she could read Santana's look across the kitchen.

"Rach? You okay?" Shelby called.

"I understand," she muttered.

Crap, Quinn thought realizing she messed up with the one of the few people in this world she didn't want to fail.

"Rach," she said. "I'm -"

"I get it," Rachel muttered.

"Rachel?" Santana called from across the room.

Rachel looked down at her onion allowing the onion to be an excuse for her tears. She wasn't going to be the one that broke up her family; she wasn't going to be the one that pushed Quinn out.

…..

They always did a barbecue. The family was settling in the backyard around the fire pit. Everyone was clearly caught up in their own minds, but the cookout served as a kind of relief from that. However, hours later besides the relief, they were all back in their heads.

Santana lay in the darkness staring up at the top bunk. Everything from their days seems like so much heavier. Everyone was telling her the truth had to come out while the irony of her life was that part of her secrets were already exposed. She felt split out everywhere. She was lying if she said she was torn. She didn't want to put out the truth. Her uncle was right. She has spent the past eight years just trying to forget while everyone was just trying to cope.

The small body in her side shifted.

"No, no," she murmured. "Please. Please. No."

She maneuvered so that she could soothingly move Rachel's sweat-matted hair off her face.

"Rachel, wake up," she whispered. "Come on, bug."

"Please, let go," she whimpered in her sleep.

Rachel felt trapped. She was trying to push out of Mr. Schuester's office. She couldn't get out despite how much she pushed on the door. She sobbed when she saw that there was no door handle. She felt herself being yanked back and pushed onto a table. She could hear a belt being removed. She tried to push herself away but she was held down. She heard the belt swing through the air, but she didn't feel its sting. She felt herself being yanked around again. She couldn't escape the grip around her. She was being pulled down the hallway in New York

She shook her head and tried to escape. All that room brought was pain. She didn't want to be in there. She couldn't.

Suddenly she was pulled back in again to the music office. She let out a sob as she was pushed down. She saw him on top of her. She tried to push him away. She couldn't...It was just like before.

"How's my good girl?" he said with a smile as he released himself from his pants. "Now, it's time for you to be mine," he whispered as he leaned down. She tried to push him away. There was a pressure on her chest. She sobbed. He leaned up but it wasn't Mr. Schuester anymore. It was Papa Hiram. She shook her head. His face changed again. It was both of them. They were one.

"Please," she begged. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please no." She tried to push on their chest. The person on top of her was now Mr. Schuester. He smiled and leaned down and all she could do was sob.

Rachel jumped awake. Instantly, she began to cry. Instantly, she felt arms hold her.

"No," she sobbed pushing them away causing her to fall off of the bed. She scrambled across the floor on her hands and knees. "No, please," she sobbed.

"Rach," Santana called out to her and started toward her as the bedroom door swung open.

Rachel then cowered away from the door. "No, no," she whispered.

Santana saw her mother at the door. "Come on, bug," Shelby said taking Rachel's hand. "Come on," she soothed.

Santana stood and started to follow. Shelby shook her head, noticing that Quinn was fast asleep and even snoring, wondering how the blonde was still asleep. "Go back to sleep, San," she whispered as Rachel clung to Shelby's side. "Go to sleep," Shelby said taking Rachel out of the room.

She watched as they disappeared out the room leaving her alone with a snoring Quinn. She squeezed her eyes shut wondering what Rachel was remembering. She leaned her head back against the pillow. She knew exactly what she could remember.

Hiram closed the door with Rachel still in his arms. He set her roughly in the chair.

"Stay," he said. Santana couldn't help but frown at him. She wasn't a dog.

The tiny toddler sat but looked at Santana desperately for some kind of sign that it was okay. Santana gave her a soft smile, hoping to calm her own nerves. Santana looked back at him, unsure of what to expect. It had been a week. He hadn't touched her since … that first time. She didn't even know how to describe what he did. She didn't know what it meant. She shivered as he began to unthread his belt.

"Santana, you're the one being punished," he said in a low tone. "You need to learn your place."

She told herself before that she was going to be strong and she was. She looked over at Rachel. She had to be.

Hiram nodded in Rachel's direction. "Take off her clothes and then take off yours."

With shaky hands, she complied. Rachel looked up at her with such trust that she could only smile back. She was thankful that the tiny girl remained quiet. However, even Santana's eight year old mind, realized that her silence wasn't a good thing; Rachel had gotten used to this process. It had been barely a month since they were left with him and she was used to having her clothes removed.

"Come back over here," he ordered the moment she was finished.

She turned around and felt tears instantly sting her eyes. He had released himself from his pants. Santana had seen her big brother naked but she had never seen a man. Hiram's eyes looked hazy because they were half closed as he touched himself. Santana shook and looked and him, unsure of how she would protect Rachel from that.

"I said, get over here," he barked. He reached out and grabbed her arm swatting her on the backside, forcing her to lift from the ground slightly.

Santana's eyes popped open. She swallowed back her fear. She wasn't going to remember that. She wasn't. She couldn't be there and she refused to let Rachel be there. Crawling out of her bed she opened the window. She needed the stars; she needed to be far away. She crawled out of the window until morning.

….

Quinn pulled the bail of hay into the barn and tossed it unceremoniously into the stall. The whole morning had been a blur. She had awoken rested and the sun was high in the sky. She had slept again. She had the same feelings she had the morning before. It felt alien and strange and she wasn't sure how to take it. Why was she sleeping? Was it Florida? Was it the grandparents? What was going on?

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked looking up at her.

"Nothing," Quinn said shaking her head.

"You're lying," Rachel said instinctively with a small smirk.

The older blonde looked at her and paused. Rachel understood the irony of her own words. Quinn was looking at her as if to ask who the real liar was.

"I … just... um... I mean... " She trailed off.

"Rach," Santana called out from behind her. "Go get another bail. The sooner we finish with this the better."

The smaller girl nodded and exited the barn to fetch another bail.

"You gotta stop doing whatever it is you're doing," Santana said as she moved down the ladder from the hay loft.

Quinn shrugged. "I … I don't know what I'm doing." She frowned. "You seem grumpier than usual. What's your dish?"

"Nothing," she frowned.

The blonde bit her lip. This wasn't her home; this wasn't her family. Nevertheless, she was in debt to them.

"Listen, I …." she began as she looked over her shoulder to make sure that Rachel wasn't coming. She was still outside at the truck talking with Dex and Noah. "I never... thanks for … not telling anyone about... what happened at school.

Santana gave a nod and shook her head. "Don't worry about it." Quinn watched silently as the brunette peeled off her gloves, gathering her words. "Mom didn't forget about …. you know...," she moved closer to the girl. "The pregnancy thing," she finished. She regretted her words as she watched the blonde deflate. "I just...She doesn't forget anything... She's worried about you."

"Well, I'm not her problem," Quinn said sharply. She looked up and watched Rachel drag in another bail of hay as if it were made of cement. "I'm not the one she should be focusing on," she said more quietly.

"Do you want me to help you bring it up to the loft?" Santana asked.

"Let her do it," Quinn encouraged. "You got this, right, Rach?"

Rachel looked up at Quinn. Perhaps more years would have allowed Rachel to see that Quinn was helping her become more independent. However, her confused eleven year old brain felt like the blonde was trying to push her away. She nodded and continued the task of bringing the bail up to the loft.

Quinn pinched her eyebrows and looked back at Santana who was still staring after Rachel. "I mean clearly she has her own daughters to worry about."

Santana turned ninety-five percent of her attention back to Quinn while the other five still perked her ears up for Rachel.

"What?" she asked with a frown, jutting her head forward. She saw Quinn's eyebrow arch and nod. "Oh," Santana murmured . "That. I didn't expect your approval, Quinn, it's just-"

"I don't disapprove," Quinn said cutting her off.

Santana frowned and looked at her. "Rachel, stay up there for a sec," Santana called. She kept her eye contact with the blonde. "I hid four kittens up there."

"San!" she whined and began to search through the hay loudly.

"Listen," Quinn said shaking her head. "I told Brittany this... but... you two are the closest things I have to friends." She took a deep breath. "You're the closest thing I have to anything." She gave a small nod of her head. "I may have been raised to believe that that's wrong, but honestly, I was told everything was wrong. They screwed up because I don't think that it is. It just... it is... You know."

"You make no sense," Santana said shaking her head. "But yeah," she chuckled. "I think I get it." Santana looked up at the loft and then back at Quinn. "I don't know what I'm thinking... or feeling or whatever. But thanks..." She frowned. "Also, I see what you're doing. You're letting my douche cousin get to you and you're pulling away." Quinn searched her eyes, confused. Santana went on. "Knock it off. Seriously. He's stupid and wrong."

"It's not about right or wrong. It's how he feels. It's his instinct," Quinn said refocusing on shoveling out the stall.

"Well, if we go on first impressions," Santana said with a smirk. "I threw a lamp at you and look where we are. Happy and shit."

Quinn shook her head and scrunched up her nose as they cleaned out the horse stall. "Yeah, and shit."

Santana chuckled. "She wants to worry about you," she said quietly as they continued to shovel. Quinn looked at her. "My mom that is. She's not going to stop either. She's worried about you and what happened." They avoided each other's eyes. "I won't tell about …. who the …." Quinn shot her a look telling her she didn't need to complete her sentence. Santana went on. "You'll need to, though. Eventually."

Quinn felt a weight on her chest. No one ever knew the truth about the pregnancy and the father. Now Santana knew and here they were literally shoveling horse shit talking about it.

"Can we please not?" Quinn snapped.

"I'm just saying that you can't …. I know that this is hard.-"

"Bull shit," Quinn hissed. Santana had no idea; she didn't live her life; she hadn't been the one that was pregnant and then not pregnant by the man that was supposed to teach her to ride a bike. Quinn bit her lip. She still didn't know how to ride a bike. "I said we're not talking about this." The blonde shot her a look. "Either shut up or we'll talk about you."

Santana frowned. "Fine," she said, giving in.

"Santana?" Rachel called from the loft. "There are no kittens up here."

"Are you sure?" Santana asked.

"Yes," the younger girl called from the loft.

Santana shrugged. "Maybe I just dreamt that I hid them up there. Sorry about that, Rach."

"Santana!" Rachel whined from the loft.

Quinn shook her head. "That was mean," she said trying to conceal her smirk.

They continued quietly with their chores. Santana kept watching Quinn carefully wondering how sixteen years as a Fabray allowed her to be so stoic. Perhaps it forced her to be. However, Quinn Fabray wasn't one to crumble; she wasn't one to give in. She spent a lot of energy her freshman year hating the blonde, but Santana realized in that moment as they shoveled shit together that what she had been really trying to do was shut herself off like Quinn had been able to. She just didn't see it like that. Instead, she actively disliked her.

Watching Quinn struggle had been a series of hard, inarticulated experiences. How could anyone cope with that? How do you relate to that? Can you find connections through brutality? It wasn't about being better or healing. It was a club. And you can't be in it until you're in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize. But until you feel it, you were on the outside of it. She looked up and Rachel was pretending to not look for kittens. Her uncle had been right. Rachel had spent the past eight years trying to remember and she tried to forget.

She frowned and looked at Quinn.

It hit her. It hit San like a punch in the gut.

She was the one on the outside. Not Rachel. Santana and Quinn were left with the burden of remembering and that set them apart, but Rachel and Quinn had a connection that Santana didn't.

They were both used repeatedly by their 'fathers.'

Santana only knew some about Quinn. However, she knew her experiences. She knew Rachel's experiences, even though Rachel didn't. It hurt too much to think about but still she couldn't stop the memory invading her mind.

Eight year old Santana peaked around the corner. There were visitors from the police station here to talk to her again. She had not been in the home for more than a few days. She hadn't seen Rachel yet. Noah had but she had messed that up because she threw a tantrum and missed her ride. Maybe the police were going to bring her to her favorite and only sister.

"Hi, Santana," a woman said rounding the corner.

"Hi," she said quietly.

"My name is Ellen. I'm a police officer." She showed her her shiny badge. Can you and I talk?"

"I guess so," she shrugged. The woman sat down next to her.

"I have a few questions about Rachel," the woman said. "Can you tell me about your sister?"

"She's a baby," Santana frowned. "Sort of," she shrugged. "She'll be three next week. She's really smart but she doesn't talk very much anymore."

"Yeah?" the woman asked. "Do you know why?"

Santana bit her lip. She did but she didn't know how to explain it. "He hurt her and she stopped talking."

"Hurt her how?" The lady asked gently.

She frowned and looked at her hands. She didn't know how to tell the lady about what she had been forced to do or how she found blood in Rachel's diaper... or about that last night. She didn't understand it.

"He took her to the room," she heard herself whisper. "To change her diaper."

"Do you know what happened in there?"

Santana shook her head. She remembered hearing Rachel's cries in that room. She always cried in that room.

"She cried," she said quietly.

"Do you know how often Rachel went into that room?" Ellen asked carefully.

"Every day," Santana said without hesitation. "Sometimes twice a day."

Ellen took a deep breath but went on. "How often did she cry?"

Santana frowned and watched the older woman. "Every time," she whispered.

She felt her breaths in her chest hitch. She had only been in that room five times. She had counted. She remembered each time vividly. She stared at the woman and felt her heart beat faster. She finally understood what the woman was saying. Rachel had gone in that room and cried every time. They lived with him for almost two months. Rachel cried every time. Santana felt tears flow down her cheeks. She couldn't count that high in her head. She didn't know how to do multiplication in her head.

Santana stumbled back. Rachel couldn't remember that. Rachel knew she had been severely hurt. She lived that part, but her brain had protected her from the daily occurrences. He admitted in court that he hurt her more than Santana. The older girl remembered reading what he had said in newspaper article that someone left laying around. She wasn't supposed to read it, but she did. And the line had stayed with her.

"Rachel was my prize. Santana was my game," Irving explained with lost eyes.

Santana looked over at Quinn. Quinn and Rachel had to deal with this daily. She knew that Rachel had been held down and brutalized daily. She knew she didn't realize it was bad until she found the diaper full of blood. She knew she was stupid to think it was the same injury when everyday after that there was blood every time she checked. She knew now that she was older that Hiram had used objects and his hands to 'ready' Rachel. He didn't use...Santana felt bile in her throat... He didn't take her completely in every sense of brutality until that night, until he tore her apart. Santana squeezed her eyes shut as she gripped the shovel harder. But interweaving what you initially understood when you were eight years old with what you finally allowed yourself to see at sixteen took so much that she couldn't help but feel raw, exposed and more confused. Santana never had their experiences. Not even close. She shook her head. This couldn't be her internal monologue. She couldn't think about this. She couldn't think about what was or what happened. She picked up her shovel that she hadn't realized that she dropped.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked. Santana felt like she was in too much of a fog to hear it.

Just shovel the shit, Santana coached herself.

However, it didn't work, her mind went back to the same moment that she was trying her best to forget the night before.

Santana bit her lip to keep in her cry. Hiram had large, rough hands and they hurt as she was hit.

He used both of his hands and put them on either side of her head, lacing his fingers behind her neck. He bent down so he was at eye level with her.

"You're going to do what I tell you, you hear?" he said shaking her head. She looked back at him but didn't answer. He shook her head again. "You hear?" Santana's teeth rattled slightly. She wondered if Rachel's and Noah's did too with Hiram shook them.

"Y-y-yes," she stuttered.

"Good," he said straightening back up to standing. "Open your mouth."

She looked up at him in fear and didn't move. "Fine," he hissed. He pushed her away and went over to Rachel grabbing her from where she sat while simultaneously picking up the belt he just took off. "Every time you don't listen, she gets ten."

Before Santana could say anything, before she could move, Rachel was pinned face down over the chair silently crying as he rained the belt down on her backside.

"I'm sorry, okay? Please stop!" Santana begged as Rachel bore the tenth lash. "Please."

He pushed the toddler to the ground and threw the belt at her before he stalked back over to Santana. He grabbed the back of her neck again and bent her over so her mouth was at the tip. She swallowed her fear and opened her mouth. Tears began to flow like a running faucet as he pushed himself in and out of her mouth. She gagged and sputtered and the tears just continued down her face. He was moaning and muttering and taunting her, but she couldn't really hear it. Her eyesight was blurry from all the tears, but she managed to catch a glimpse of Rachel on the floor looking up at the two of them with horror and fear. She felt his fingers dig the back of her neck as he forced her to quicken the pace. He let out a moan and then pushed her away from him causing Santana to fall to the floor.

She scrambled back and over to Rachel who immediately crawled into her lap. Both of their exposed bodies shaking. The tears still poured from Santana's eyes but she felt her brow furrow as he grabbed Rachel's nightshirt from the floor and began touching himself with it. Soon after he screamed and smiled. He had his back turned to them. He was doing something then he threw the nightshirt in the corner. It looked wet. When he turned back around his pants were fastened. He sauntered over to them with Santana's clothes in his hands.

"Stand up, Santana," he hissed.

She moved Rachel out of her lap and stood. He lifted her chin roughly. "You better get better at that." She nodded and the tears began again but she didn't know what she was agreeing to. "If you don't, I'll use her." He gave a tiny look in Rachel's direction. She nodded more frantically; she hated that but he wasn't going to do that to Rachel.. He shoved her clothes into her arms. "Get out of my sight, you little slut."

Santana gratefully took her clothes and turned to take Rachel's hand.

"She stays," he said. Santana looked up at him. "She needs a new diaper," he said simply. "I'll send her down when I'm done with her." She swallowed and looked at Rachel unsure of how she could stay. The toddler began to tremble slightly on the floor. "Go on now, Santana," Hiram said opening the door to the hallway. "She'll be done in no time."

Santana looked back once more at her tiny baby sister and then she left her.

"Santana?"

She felt a hand on her shoulder and stepped back.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked looking at her.

Santana licked her lips and dropped her shovel. "I … I need to... uh... I need to go..."

"Santana, what's wrong?" Nana called from the entrance of the barn where she was handing the boys bails of hay.

"Nothing," she called back. "Nothing... I … Nothing. I'm going to bathroom."

Quinn watched as Santana quickly retreated into the house, wondering what she didn't know.

…..

Shelby lay on the bed with cucumbers on her eyes. There were vegetables on her eyes. Why was she here again? Other than the obvious reason that her mother pushed the two of them out to get air earlier that morning. She wasn't 'relaxing' by choice.

"You're supposed to relax," Joey called out.

"I am," she replied tightly.

"Pretty sure, you're not."

The mother frowned. "I don't know how to handle this," she said quietly. "Everything just seems wrong."

Joey sat up and looked at her sister. "You can spend your energy worrying about how you could have prevented this or you can focus on how to get through this."

"Gee thanks, fortune cookie," Shelby scoffed. "It's not that easy."

"It could be," Joey offered.

Shelby shook her head. "Not when your whole life is determined by your biggest mistake."

"We're going to get through this," Joey whispered reaching her arm out to rest on her sister's arm.

"Maybe," Shelby whispered. "But this feels like it's just the beginning. As if it's about to fall apart."

"Because you're always worried about that," Joey clarified.

"And I'm always right." And she hated it.

"Please try to relax. Just for a bit."

"Impossible," Shelby scoffed. "I can't stop thinking about how I haven't talked to Quinn about the baby, or to Santana about what happened at school, or Noah about school, or Rachel," she trailed off.

"Well, please try," Joey ordered. "You need to take care of yourself and let yourself rejuvenate or else you'll burn out at that moment when they need you."

"They need me now," she said.

"They need you to take care of yourself," Joey said.

Shelby leaned back as she realized she needed to give in. It was something that they said at work. If parents didn't take care of themselves, no one would be able to take care of the children. It was a balance. On the airlines, the emergency details explained that you must put your mark on before your child's. When parents understood the essential nature of that simple instruction they were closer to understanding their role and getting their children back. You couldn't take care of the children if you were trying desperately to survive. Shelby was surviving but barely. She needed to reboot. She need to put on her mask so that someone was there to put it on her children. Simple. Right?

…...

Rachel watched as Santana walked briskly into the house.

"What happened?" Noah asked calling across the barn.

The youngest looked over at Quinn who just shrugged. She looked back at her brother and walked toward him.

"Is she alright?" she asked looking at her brother.

"She will be," Noah whispered. He leaned down and hugged her into his side.

"Go check on her, okay?"

Rachel nodded as she followed into the house.

Helen watched Santana walk into the house and started after her.

"Santana?" she called after her.

"I'm fine, Nana," she said without turning around and a bit of a sob. "Just please let me be."

"San," she called out again, but Santana closed the door of the restroom.

Rachel was trailing behind her. "She wants to be alone, Bug," Helen said gently.

The girl shook her head. "No, she'll see me." She knocked on the door. "San? San, let me in."

The water was running. "Rachel, I'm just washing up. I'm fine. Go back outside," she called from the other side.

Helen watched Rachel deflate. She put her hand on her youngest grandaughter's back. "Let's go back out okay?"

Rachel nodded and followed her grandmother down the stairs.

Santana stared at herself in the mirror for a moment. She needed to clear her mind. She leaned over and rinsed off her face in the sink. When she stood up, she looked back in the mirror and suddenly she wasn't the only one staring back at her.

"Jesus fucking mother holy hell rat shits!" Santana screamed putting her hand on her chest. She turned and looked at the other face that was staring back at her. "Fuck, Noah!" she screamed. "How the hell did you get in here?"

He shrugged climbed the terrace.

"I could have been naked or something," she looked at him with a frown of disgust.

"Good thing you weren't, eww," he said as he leaned on the window sill of the window he just climbed through. He folded his arms arms and looked at her with a tilt of his head. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry," she said shaking her head. "I came up here for privacy and instead of breaking down the door you just climbed through the window. Butt out, Noah. Take the hint."

She turned away from him and leaned against the sink.

He watched her for a moment before finally asking, "What's going on?"

She didn't look up but after a few moments, she spoke. "This is the first time I really feel out of place here," she whispered.

"Why?" he asked with a frown.

"I just feels like everything is going to fall apart."

She took a deep breath and folded her arms tightly in front of her as she face her big brother.

"I'm remembering a lot from then," she said staring at the floor. "I don't... I don't know what to think Rachel is thinking..."

She bit her lip and sucked on the inside of her cheek for a moment trying to bridge that divide between her and her brother.

"She had a nightmare last night," she said quietly. "She was scared of me..."

She shook her head, but it didn't help the tears flowing. "I don't know how to do this."

Noah frowned and wrapped his arms around her. She balled her fists and hit his chest trying to push him away. "I'm fine. I'm fine..." she said as she began to cry. "I'm fine..."

She gave in and let him hold her. She collapsed to the floor and let her tears roll. She wasn't sure when she stopped sobbing like a rabid animal but she did and she was just leaning on her brother's chest.

"I'm scared of how she'll remember. Of what..." She trailed off "I wasn't even there for most of it..." She was thinking out loud and there was no filter.

"Maybe you need to think about that," he said quietly, still rubbing her back. "She wants you to tell her. I know you don't want her but..." He frowned. "I wasn't there. You were."

"For for most of it," she corrected.

"Well, right now you're remembering it on your own and you're getting snot on my chest," he said quietly. "She wants that too." He sighed. "I know you don't want her to be alone in that."

She squeezed her eyes shut. She had to face it.

….

Shelby started out the door and then came back in.

"And then don't forget," she began.

"We'll be fine," Dexter explained putting his hands up. "You're just going to dinner. Go to dinner."

Shelby narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure?" she asked for the millionth time.

"Yes," he said with a laugh. "Bye."

"Bye, Mom," Rachel waved.

"See you guys in a few hours," Shelby waved as Joey and her mother dragged her out the door. "Be good please."

Quinn watched them back down the driveway. Dexter had a list of instructions. An actual list. They were going for a few hours, but Shelby left a list of activities for all the grounded kids to do, a list of Rachel and Quinn's dinner. Noah wandered up the stairs. Rachel was attached to Santana's side.

Night descended fast on to them. Rachel pulled Noah's old jersey over her head.

"Hey," Santana whispered knocking on the door.

"Hi," Rachel nodded climbing into bed. "Are you okay?" Santana nodded weakly. "What's wrong?"

"Do you … do you have any questions?" Santana asked sitting next to Rachel.

"About what?" Rachel asked.

Santana took a deep breath. "About what you're remembering."

She looked up at Santana. "Um, uh... I don't know..." she shook her head.

The older girl looked at her with pleading and exhausted eyes. "Please tell me the truth."

Santana watched as her eyes tear up.

"I really don't know, Sanny," she whispered. "He hurt us a lot. I know that." She looked down at her hands. "I dream of him hurting me... but not really. It's like I'm being chased. Then it's as if I'm being grabbed or held down. But we're in the same place." She looked up. "Is that right?"

Quinn wandered down the hallway. She was looking for something but she immediately forgot what she was looking for when she stopped at the slightly open bedroom door that she and the other two girls shared. She heard Rachel trail off. She shouldn't listen to this conversation; she also didn't know if she could handle it.

"But he... he raped me right?" Rachel's young eyes looked up Santana and she never felt so paralyzed. The girl lowered her head at Santana's absence of an answer. "I mean I knew that...That he... he left me for dead that night..." Mr. Schuester's words echoed in her head. "But...I just don't …. I don't know...But the room... I just remember being scared and that you were there holding my hand." Santana didn't realize she had tears running down her cheeks until Rachel reached up with wipe them. She remembered holding Rachel's tiny hand but the only time she did that was that last night. She didn't know how to tell her that no one held her hand when he 'changed her.' Seeing her big sister frozen Rachel went on. "I knew I wasn't alone because I had you."

Santana could control any of it. She just released a sob.

"Sanny, I'm sorry. Please don't cry," she begged. She looked up at her with big eyes. "Oh," she whispered. "But... well,... it happened to the both of us...he did stuff to both of us..."

Santana bit her lip. There it was. There was the lie that she never corrected. As she felt the weight on her chest increase, she remembered why. It hurt too much. But she had to. Santana knew that. While she as comfortable living with a lie and hating herself for needed that lie, Rachel needed to know the truth. She always had. "Rach," she muttered as she bit her bottom lip and tears fell freely. "He was different with the two of us... He never..."

Rachel looked up at her with a mixture of shock and betrayal. "No," she whispered. "We were... He did it to you, too. You just... You just fought back harder."

The older girl shook her head. "No, Rach," she whispered. "He...uh..." she bit her lip. "He touched me," she whispered. "And made me... But he... I never …. He never did to me what …. he did to you..."

Quinn told herself on the other side of the door that this was not her conversation; she shouldn't listen but her feet had lost all ability to move.

"Rach, he...I …." Santana looked up and steeled her face. She didn't notice the blonde at the other side of the door notice her. "I went to that room five times, bug," she said with unexpected strength. "You went every day."

She was able to get those words out but a sob escaped her once they left her mouth. Somehow with teary vision she was able to continue. "I'm so sorry."

Rachel looked at her with big eyes. "But..." She shook her head. "I thought... I thought..." Tears pooled down her face. She began to breathe heavily. "You lied to me."

Santana reached out to the girl. "I didn't, Rachel," she said desperately. "I just... I just didn't correct you." She let out a sob. "I'm sorry, Bug. Please."

The younger girl looked at her and shook her head. "I thought... I thought... I should have known." Tears streamed down her cheeks. "I'm so stupid. That's why I was in the hospital for so long and you weren't..." She let out a sob. "You...I'm not …. I'm selfish." she sobbed. "I … wanted it to be you too..." She looked at Santana with wide eyes. "I … I …. I needed it to be you too because then I wasn't alone...How could I want that for you?... I'm so stupid."

Santana watched her baby sister battle her emotions. She understood completely, but still she couldn't just reach out and comfort her. She couldn't do that. She knew that Rachel hoped Santana was brutalized in the same way as she was so she could better understand it herself while Santana needed to leave Rachel's questions unanswered because she didn't want her to feel alone.

"Rachel, please listen to me," Santana said attempting to regain her strength as she wiped her tears furiously. "You're not stupid and you are NOT alone." She cupped her sister's face. "I'm so sorry."

"No," she whispered pushing out of the place she felt safe. "No." She shook her head. "I don't... I don't... I get it... but I... I just … I … don't..." She looked at her with big, tearful eyes. "I'm not mad... I just …. I …" She met her sister's eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Rachel," Santana sobbed trying to grab a hold of her, to bring her back to the bond that they had both spent their lives building. This was not going as planned, but then Santana realized at that moment that she didn't know what she was planning.

"It's too much," she whispered. She shook her head.

She swung the door open and Quinn was standing there with a look of shock on her face. Rachel ran past her but Santana met her eyes and for the first time since she could remember, Santana truly gave into her emotions, and crumbled.

…...

Noah laid in the attic starring at the letter rolling it in his hands. Dexter and Griffin were outside shooting hoops. He was supposed to be doing homework but wasn't. This was the time. He had to look.

He opened it.

Dear Noah,

Happy birthday, son! You're finally a man. Eighteen. Whoa! How the time flies. I can't contact any of you until you turn eighteenth and here you are. I'm writing you to ask for forgiveness. I can't begin to -

Noah's head suddenly shot up when he heard scrambling feet running down the hallway and then up the attic stairs. Rachel ran up the stairs and instantly to him. He sat up and pulled her into his arms

"Hey," he whispered as he rubbed her back. "What's wrong, bug?"

"Everything," Rachel whispered as tears fell down her cheeks.

Noah reached his free hand over and tucked the letter under the pillow. He didn't even see who it was from, but he didn't need to.

…...

Quinn didn't know was to do. Santana collapsed on the bed with her head in her hands. She hadn't seen her like that since the night that Santana had that bad dream. Hesitantly, Quinn approached her and sat down with her. She reached out with the intention of offering a hand of comfort but instead her arm wrapped around Santana as the girl cried and to her surprise. Santana fell into it.

The phone rang, but it didn't phase them. They let it ring and ring and ring. Santana pulled from Quinn's arms and wiped her tears.

"God, is anyone going to answer that?" she asked as she stood up and went into the hallway. "Hello?"

"Hey."

Santana wasn't sure how she didn't drop the phone. "Brittany?"

This was not the moment. She couldn't talk to her, not now.

"Hey, I … Your cousin texted me and told me I could call tonight and we could talk since your mom was out," she said from the other end. Santana couldn't feel the warmth of her voice because her emotions were still splattered on the floor of the bedroom.

"I …. Brit..."

"I wanted to say I read your letter and I'm kinda confused," Brittany said on the other end.

Santana pinched the bridge of her nose. That was so far from where she was right now. "Brittany, I really can't right now," she said quietly into the receiver.

"I'm sorry, San, but you need to. I need to talk this out. I need to tell you-"

"You really don't, Brit. I really can't do this right now," Santana said leaning against the wall.

"Well, you need to, San," Brittany said, not budging. "I read the letter and I am confused because I don't want to talk about the past I want to talk about the future – I was at my dads office the other day and I saw so and so and they asked me if we were officially a couple –"

SHe couldn't think about that now. She was so far away from that dilemma of her life. Brittany just reminded her; Santana had to figure out how to cope with what everyone else thought when she got home. She shook her head. She couldn't do that.

"I'm sorry, Britt, I can't," she whimpered. Why was she calling? Why was she calling now?

"San, please listen to me," Brittany pleaded and for some reason, Santana didn't interrupt her. "You said in your letter, 'The past doesn't allow you to love me.' How does that make sense? San, I know that things have happened, but I don't care, okay? It doesn't matter to me."

"It should," Santana said her vision getting blurry again.

"Well, it doesn't," Brittany said; Santana could almost hear her smile at the other end. "I don't care about what happened. I just care about you here and now."

She shook her head. "My past is my present, Britt," she muttered. "Trust me. It's not as simple as just moving on."

"Why can't it be?" Brittany asked. "I … I love you and I don't care about what happened, whatever it is. I promise it doesn't matter to me."

"Well, it matters to me, Brittany," Santana said with a surprising sob.

"Santana," she said sadly from the other end. "We can do this. We're best friends. We love each other and ..."

"Loving you isn't this issue," Santana said with a blank tone. "It never was. It's just not enough." She could hear Rachel crying upstairs. "I'm sorry," she said evenly as she wiped her tears.

"Santana-" Brittany said from the other end.

She didn't hear the rest. She hung up. She had to cut it off because the weeds of her life were already ruining Brittany's tranquil life.

"How'd it go?" Griffin asked emerging from his room.

Santana shook her head and pushed both of his shoulders so he lost balance. She felt a pair of arms wrap around her middle.

"It's not worth it," Quinn whispered in her ear.

"How could you have Brittany call here?" she asked with frustration and anguish. "I don't... How..."

Griffin physically stepped back and swallowed. "I …. What? I thought I was helping."

"Helping? Helping?" she scoffed. "Well, go help someone else!" She stepped out of Quinn's arms but took her hand. She looked at Griffin and shook her head. "You just don't get it." She scowled. "You can't."

"Come on," Quinn coaxed her pulling her gently by the hand. Santana shook her head one last time at the older boy.

She gave in and followed her sister out of the hallway back into their room and then onto the roof.

Quinn laid down and Santana followed suit.

"Just look at the stars," Quinn whispered.

"Kay," Santana whispered and she didn't pull away when she realized that her sister hadn't let go of her hand. She was too tired to fight it.

This chapter was exhausting to write. It's shorter than normal, but it packs a punch. At least it did for me. Get ready too... the next couple are exhausting too. Please let me know what you think. Again, thank you for all of your support. There are no words to describe how grateful I am. 865 reviews? 330 alerts? 202 favorites? I am so humbled by words and support...And to think, I majored in government... haha

Thank you!