Chapter 19

Tobias

A weight drops into my stomach. It's familiar, now. It is the feeling of being lied to. Lied to by your parents, and then your girlfriend, and now the government you didn't know existed up until a couple months ago. David lied to us. The city is not an experiment to heal the genetically damaged, and to control our nature. It is a breeding facility. We were placed here to create an unstoppable army. And we have. "How can they control us?" I ask Axel.
He sighs. "When a child is born in Chicago, they are given a 'flu shot.' It's supposed to stop you from getting sick while you're a baby, and it's supposed to stop working after two years." I nod. I remember my parents and fellow Abnegation talking about the flu shot. "Well, think again. The 'shot' is a serum, a lot like the one Jeanine gave to the Abnegation, that can put them under a simulation. It's in your body for life. It won't mutate, or decrease. It just stays there, and can be turned on at any point in your life. There's a small group of people the serum can't affect though.
I know the answer before he says it. "The Divergent. For some reason, depending on the strength of your divergence, you can be resistent to serums and simulations."
Axel turns to Tris. "You are the second strongest Divergent they have ever seen. You got three factions in your test, correct?" Tris nods, and blurts out a question before he can continue.
"Who's the first?" Axel smiles at her. "Me." Tris gasps, but I'm not surprised. "The aptitude test didn't even work on me. I sat there, expecting something to happen, but nothing did. I must be all five factions." "Jesus..." Tris murmurs. Three was virtually unheard of, four a myth, but all five factions? It seems impossible. A thought crosses my mind. "Is that why the Divergent are killed?" I ask Axel, and he nods. "Yeah." I can hear the coldness in his voice, and I wonder who he lost. "They," he spits the word like a curse, "don't want anybody to resist them. Well, I did. I still do. And I have quite a few people with me." The anger in his voice speaks volumes. Tris reaches out and lays a hand in his arm. I stiffen, expecting him to hurt her, but he doesn't. "Who?" she asks him, and he turns to us. Tears are brimming in his eyes, and his voice breaks when he answers. "All of us. Except Eric. He 'took care' of me, even though we were the same age. He's better off dead anyways." Axel turns away and walks to the lima. Tris wraps her arm around my waist. I start towards him, to comfort or to confront him, I don't know, but Tris stops me. "Give him some time, Tobias." I realize she's right, and we sit down on the grass. "This is... a lot to process" says Tris, and I snort. "That's an understatement. This is... outrageous. And the thing that pisses me off the most is that there's not a single fucking thing we can do about it." My anger comes unexpectedly, but Tris must expect it. She hugs me. "It'll be okay. I promise." I hold her until Axel walks back to us. He is composed now, his face a mask of unemotionlessness.
"The Divergent are the only people who can provide resistance to the government," he says, continuing where he left off. "Therefore it makes their... cause easier if the Diverent mysteriously disappear and are proclaimed dead."
"So, how did you make it past them?" I ask, and he chuckles darkly. "Wasn't the easiest thing to do. I left when I was twelve. I made my way to South Dakota, another state in NUSA. The people there were all Divergent. Every single one of them. And they took me in, and I rose to power there."
I wonder what he means by power, but Tris asks my question for me. "Power?" she uses the word as if she doesn't know what it means. Axel sighs again. "This brings me to the reason I'm back here at all. I lead the resistance against the NUSA. The fight to keep our minds our own, and not the tools of a select few who feel they have the right to control us. My organization is simply called the PR; the People's Resistance." Tris looks confused, but my heart is sinking down to my feet with each word he speaks. "So, what do you want with us?" I close my eyes and my hands close in fists. I was hoping she would have the sense not to ask that.
"Look, I, uh... I'm not good with this kind of thing. But, I... We... need you out there. We need you to help us finish this once and for all. We want to take down the head of government, the President, and establish a faction system in the entire country. But our goal isn't to control the population. The faction system will be an option, available to everyone, if we succeed. If you so choose, you'll be able to live alongside those who are like you. But you will also be able to live with the other people, too. We want a free system of government, recognizing no official leader. If we get our way, a rep from each of the 50 states will meet biannually in the capital of the country and discuss what needs to be discussed. And frankly, that can't happen without the two of you."
He looks at us expectantly. "Why us? Why not two other Divergents?" My voice shakes. "Because the two of you are... different. Tobias, you're barely even Divergent, but you can resist serums and sims even more strongly than I can. You're also quite the leader. We need you out there, fighting. And Tris, you're the same. The two of you together are an unstoppable force. I don't expect you to answer right now, but keep this in mind. The NUSA government is planning to activate the serum two years from today. They want to send the army overseas. And I can't let that happen. We can't let that happen. And I know you feel the same way. When you're ready, call this number." He hands us a slip of paper, with a phone number on it. "And that's all I have to say. I hope you make the right choice." And Axel turns and sprints towards the train tracks. I stare at the slip of paper. Emotions are warring inside of me; anger, hurt, hate, and the feeling that we have to do this. I look at Tris, and she grabs my hand.
"Not now. We have ages. Let's go home." I nod, too conflicted to speak, and together we catch the train. Axel is nowhere to be found.

Tris

My mind reels as we ride the train back to Dauntless in silence. I wonder if Axel knows what it's like to find out your whole existence has been a lie, and once you begin to accept it, you find out that what they told you was also a lie. I doubt it. I know that Tobias and I are safe, because we are resistant to serums and simulations. I am resistant because of my Divergence, but nobody knows why Tobias is resistant.
My mind flashes back to the moment Matthew told us that I am "genetically healed" and Tobias was "genetically damaged". To Matthew and I, they were just words. It meant nothing to me that my genes were different from Tobias'; he and I were still the same people we were the day before, and a week ago. And we would be the same people the next day. It meant a lot more to Tobias. He felt as though he himself were damaged, but damaged is an improper term. Being different does not mean something is wrong with you.
And the "flu shot"... Anger rushes through me at the thought that someone wants to mind control an entire population, simply for personal gain. It makes Jeanine seem like a schoolyard bully. I know that we have to stop this. I have no idea what lies outside the borders of our country, but I imagine there are other people, other cities. People just like us,
people who have the right to live. And to take that away from them is... monstrous. I vow to myself to stop it. With Tobias by my side. I turn my head to look at Tobias, and his face is about an inch away from mine. It's close enough that I can feel his breath on my face. It is warm, and smells like the peppermint I used to sprinkle in my tea every night in Abnegation. I look into his eyes, and I see worry. Worry for our city, our friends, but mostly worry for me. No concern for himself. And I see pain, pain that I feel like I can't take away from him no matter how hard I try.
"Are you okay?" I ask him. He still never talks about how he's feeling, and I know it's hard for him, but I still wish he would. I want to help him, steal whatever is bothering him. I want to take away his pain.
He presses his lips against my forehead and murmurs "Yes." I'm not convinced. I grab his face in my hands and force him to meet my eyes, but his eyes flicker away, and that's how I know he's lying. Every person has a tell, a way to tell when they are lying. Mine is biting the inside of my cheek or my lip. Tobias' is not meeting my eyes. "Talk to me, Tobias. Let me in," I ask him, and he shakes his head. "Not now." Which means never, in Tobias' world. I cross my arms and huff. "Fine." I stand up from where Tobias and I were cuddling on the floor of the car, and walk to the door. I grab one of the handles and lean outwards so the wind ruffles my hair.
I could jump out now, and get rid of all my worries. My guilt, my pain. But I can't do that to Tobias. Tears begin to leak down my cheeks, and I step away. I wrap my arms around myself, and try to hold in the sobs threatening to rip free of my throat. I hear Tobias get up and tentatively walk toward me, and I'm torn. I don't really want to talk to him right now, considering he barely talks to me, but I also need the safety of his arms.
He stands a few feet behind me and clears his throat. "Tris?" he says my name carefully, like he's afraid, and I imagine he is. I wish he would believe that I will never leave him. I wish a lot of things. I turn to him, and he must see the pain in my eyes, because he flinches, and his face becomes Four. In moments like these, I wish Four didn't exist; I wish Tobias was the only man I loved. But I love Four, too. "Just hold me," I murmur, and he pulls me into his arms. I release my breath, and I feel like a weight leaves my shoulders. He kisses my hair and strokes it while I bury my face in his shoulder, but he says nothing. And neither do I. We don't need to. We stay that way until the train slows, and it's time to jump off.

We jump off the train together, landing on the roof where I began my journey into Dauntless. I can see Tobias visibly tense up, because of his fear of heights. We still say nothing as we jump and fall together. We roll off the net, and make our way to our apartment. I unlock the door, and walk in. Despite the tension between us, I still smile at the feeling of walking into a place I can call ours. I slip off my shoes and walk into our bedroom. Tobias follows me, and goes into the bathroom. I doubt he actually has to go; he just needs to clear his head. I change into a pair of men's boxers and one of Tobias' shirts. I pull the collar up to my nose and inhale the scent of him. It makes me feel safe. At that moment, Tobias emerges from the bathroom in a pair of black sweats. It's odd seeing him in sweat pants; I'm used to black shirts, jeans, and combat boots. They look good on him, though. Everything looks good on him. I don't look at him as I lay on my side of the bed and get under the covers. I hear him sigh, and feel him lay down beside me. Almost instantly the spark of desire ignites inside me, but I suppress it. This most definitely isn't the time. Tobias sighs again, and I keep my own sigh internal. "Tris, please look at me," says Tobias, and his voice is thick with emotion. Sadness, maybe. I turn to him. His head is propped up on two grey pillows, and the blanket is pulled up to just below his bellybutton. He reaches out a hand and caresses my face. My eyes close at the touch. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, and despite the fact that he's apologizing, my anger begins to smolder again. He shouldn't have to apologize, because he should be talking to me. "For what?" I play dumb, and he groans. "Don't be like that. I'm sorry for not talking about my feelings." I nod. "That's better," I say sarcastically. "Any idea why?"
He looks at me. "Because it's hard for me to put into words. I feel scare, scared of what our future holds. Scared of losing you. I feel angry, angry at whoever thinks mind-controlling an entire city is okay, angry at Axel for peeling another layer of lies away. How do we know that he's telling the truth, and this isn't another god-
damn lie? I feel torn between staying here, and doing what's right and leaving. I'm just a jumble of emotions. I'm sorry." He looks away, and I see tears in his eyes,
and my anger at him melts. Now I just feel bad. I snuggle up to him and kiss his neck softly. "Hey," I murmur. "It's okay. I get it. I just... want you to open up, Tobias. I want to help you deal with whatever's in-
side. I want to be there for you, but I can't exactly do that if you don't talk. Do you at least see where I'm coming from?" I know he does, but I still have to ask.
"Of course," he says, and kisses my forehead. "I just... for 18 years, I kept my feelings and emotions inside. I hid them behind a shield of gray clothes and selfless-
ness. I never trusted anybody, until you came into my life, and it's just hard to adjust to trust." Oh. It's hard for him to trust me. Something inside me deflates, and I roll away from him. I need to get away, be alone. "I'm going to shower," I say softly, and stand up, but his arms wrap around my waist and pull me into him. He sighs again. "Tris, that's not what I meant. It isn't hard for me to trust you. It's actually surprisingly natural. I just find it hard to go from being a closed bottle to an open one. But, I promise you I'm trying, and I think I'm starting to do better. For example, I'm open right now, aren't I?" I nod, and he's right. I can't imagine how hard it must be for him to just... open up. It takes time to adjust, and I need to wait for him. I sit up and press my lips to his. "Just give me time, okay?" he asks, and I nod. He smiles, and butterflies erupt in my stomach. His smile is the most beautiful thing in the world to me. "I love you, Tobias." I always feel the need to tell him that. Before I went to Erudite, I took it for granted that we loved each other, and didn't feel the need to say it. But now, after almost losing each other, I realize that those three words are something that needs to be said as much as possible. Love is something that should never be taken for granted. "I love you too," he tells me, but I already know. It's still nice to hear him say it. "Come here." I pull his arms around my waist, and turn so my head is buried in his shoulder. I wrap my arms around him, and trace the tattoos that are now perfectly cemented into my mind. His hands gently explore my body, running up and down my back and front. His touch leaves a trail of warmth, but it is not sexual. It's a loving touch, gentle and sweet. Eventually, I fall asleep in his arms, and dream of a world free of corruption.

Axel

I walk away from Tobias and Tris and jump on the first car of the train. I slam my hand into the button, and the doors slide open with a hiss. It took me a while to get the hang of getting on and off trains, but now I do it almost effortlessly. Just like everything else Dauntless. When I left Chicago, and ended up in South Dakota, the people there had an astounding technology. They had developed serums that gave you the traits of any of the five factions. I still have no idea how they accomplished the feat. They offered me the choice, and I immediately rejected every faction except the Dauntless serum. I knew that to survive in this world, I had to be brave. I had to know how to defend myself, and how to face my fear. And so I took the serum. I am two parts Dauntless, and one part every other faction. If the President got her hands on me, I can't imagine the "tests" she'd do on me.
I couldn't bring myself to tell them who the President of NUSA is. It wasn't the right time. The two of them had already had their lives cut open and rearranged twice.
Especially Tobias. And the fact that Evelyn Johnson, or as she is known outside Chicago, Erika Golding, Tobias' own mother, is the one plotting the demise of everything he has come to know and love. I sigh, because I know that I'll have to tell him eventually. But it honestly pisses me off that this shit has to be put on the two of them.
I scream into the wind, and pull a gun from my pocket. I empty the clip outside the train, the bang of each bullet lost in the roaring wind. I hurl my gun out when it is empty, disgusted with it. It's not fair. Why can't the world just be normal, instead of full of lies and deceit, corruption and greed?
I shake my head. Nobody knows the answer to that question, except maybe God, if he exists, which I've doubted for a long time. I grab a railing with each hand and let the wind whip my black hair around my head. I lose myself in the exhilaration of the train ride, and only when it slows do I move. I watch as Tris and Tobias jump off, but they don't look for me. Wordlessly, the couple dives into the Dauntless compound. It's twisted that just as the two of them find a home together, I'm obliged to take it away from them. It's for the best, but, it's still fucked up. I ride the train until it reaches the fence, and get off. I walk to the demolished building I parked my truck behind, and start the engine. Without a backward glance, I drive toward the place I have come to know as home.

Sorry for the shitty Axel POV part.. I have a hard time writing him, and I dunno why. But, yeah. Evelyn is the president, and they have to kill her. That won't happen for a long time, though. I think I'm gonna write a couple more chapters of Tris and Tobias life, and then fast forward a bit. I'll write a chapter or two somewhere around the one year mark, and then fast forward to when they leave. Otherwise, the story would be way too long and it would get a bit boring.

Check out my other stories, Pain, and my brand new one, Reverse. let me know what you think.