Chapter 36
Dave Green – Shue is going to get caught and I think she is surrounded by enough people that he wont get near her. The 3 girls will help each other a great deal if they open themselves up to each other more and allow each other to heal. Thanks for reviewing.
Sweets – Not sure what is in store for Judy and Quinn but I am sure they will see each other. Thanks for the review.
QF- Both are in therapy and are going to be taught not to hold in everything. They both have had more stress than any teenager or adult should have to deal with. Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Durant'sCry- Thank you for reading my story. I am also a huge fan of Brittanna but I want to take it more natural. They are high school kids where one has suffered a lot of trauma so it will continue I promise. Rachel and San are the best sisters ever – thanks for the review.
Abbie- Sometimes I do have famous people in mind but other times I don't I just picture a character on another show. I don't really like to say when I don't have a strong opinion on any because I want people to picture someone they like. I think it would be bad if I said someone famous and one of my readers didn't care for that person – it kind of ruins the character for reader – does that make sense? Rachel is starting to talk more and Santana will get the support she needs to handle it – thanks for reviewing.
Kitty- stop reading this in class! That could be dangerous. Thanks for reading and reviewing though I do appreciate. The pace of Brittany and San is going to stay about the same. I don't want it to go any faster because I think that would be unnatural. Yes Quinn is staying but I don't think it will be all happy times – she still has a lot to work through.
Iuterpi – Thanks so much for your review. I am glad that you loved some of my favorite parts!
You are right about Quinn and her feelings after being told so many times that she was unworthy its hard to get it out of your head.
amandaes417 – Wow you favorite chapter of the whole story. Nice. Yeah Judy isn't going to win any mother of the year trophies. Can she grow up and turn it around? Let's see. Thank you so much for your review.
Anna – I am not familiar with the song but it definitely describes their relationship. I am happy that my updates get you through the week. Thank you for the review.
13 – Well I am sorry I made you cry but I guess if it's a good thing then I am glad I made you cry. Thank you for reviewing.
Fangirl44 – I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break your heart. Thanks for the review.
Drea LuRuiz – As much as I wanted Helen or Joey to slap Judy it would not have been right in front of Quinn. Violence doesn't solve anything and that is what Judy probably wanted. It would have justified in her mind all the times she did it to Quinn. But trust me I would not have been so calm. Shelby is super strong but she has her support too. Thanks for your review.
Cookie07 –I never hate your reviews and Santana is one of my favorites too. Quinn's outburst was a long time coming. The girl has a lot of pent up feelings. Santana will have outbursts as well but hers are for obviously different reasons.
Broadway bound 2016 – Thank you so much!
Haleywilliamsisasexymonter – Thank you so much. I am glad you enjoyed the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Scout – Judy is truly horrible! I am not sure that she can ever turn herself around to get Quinn back, the damage is done but we will see. Quinn does have a lot on her shoulders that she needs to release and be able to be a typical teenager. But with a strict but loving mom in Shelby. Thanks for the review.
Piper- Wow to be thought of in the same sentence as Great Expectations. Unbelievable. Thank you so much. He will be caught and then we will find out if he was acting alone or not. Thanks for your review.
Karissa- yes Rachel is finally opening up and Judy does have some nerve to visit the house. It won't be too long before Schuester is caught and then this family can truly move on. Thanks for the review.
Charmed girl There was a little bit of progress in this chapter. Even if Judy realized her mistake I think she may be too far gone to change her ways right now. I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for the review.
Kimberlii – Yes you are right it was Judy. Rachel will be opening up a bit more but she is getting confused on what happened when and where. I haven't forgotten about Noah and his new letter so let's see where that takes him. I am not sure Judy learns to stay away but we shall see. Thanks for reviewing.
Lovecanbesostrange - Please don't apologize I knew it was probably just a typo but I just want to make sure. While I would've liked Joey to have gone postal on Judy it was not the right thing to do and it would have shown Quinn the wrong thing to do she's been hit enough in her life. Shelby's words are starting to stick with Quinn however it maybe a long time before Quinn realizes what love is. Santana is going to start getting trauma therapy again as Shelby is noticing the signs. The Brittany and Santana scene is now bringing their relationship a little further and showing that Santana is willing to try albeit slowly. Thank you as always for the review.
Ninjagleek 21 Three cookies wow you must really like that chapter. There's a whole lot of people searching for Will let's see who gets to him first. Thank you for your review.
Suzy Q. I have to say I did wonder what happened to you last chapter but I understand people are crazy busy so that's okay thanks for loving it. I don't think Shelby or Joey will be suing the school anytime soon I just think they want to get the kids over all this trauma. Quinn is very confused over what she should feel with their parent's rights possibly being terminated but they will help her through it so Shelby will be there for her as will the rest of the family. As always I love your reviews keep them coming thanks a lot.
Tommy H. Thank you for the review.
Marinka4: I promise some good things will start to happen but there's a lot of bad things that have happened so they need to be worked through the intention is for the family to get all get better with the right therapy it's just a slow process as his life thank you for reviewing and I'm glad you're sticking with the story.
Renata sorry that I made you wait that long for the next chapter. Unfortunately Rachel's exam was necessary and it was sad. Quinn will continually have doubts but I think she believes deep down that she is a member of the family. Maybe I'll send your message to find out how we can kill Mr. Shue in the future right now we first have to catch him. Thanks again and I love your reviews and kisses from Brazil.
childstarLeaM. Yes Rachel finally is telling some of the story not all of it is out yet but it will come out eventually. It is lots of Shelby Rachel in this chapter and I hope you enjoy it. I was very disappointed with how the show handled Shelby Rachel but then again I'm disappointed with everything the show does lately. Thank you for the review.
piecesofyourheart I agree the words good girl will never mean the same again to me either. Puck is a great big brother to all of his sisters. Thank you for the review.
Filmaddict Santana is trying - it was a small step but also a big step. I don't think Will is that stupid to go to the house but you never know. Let's just get him caught first. Thanks for the review
SadPanda13 – Thank you for your review. I personally loved the Brittana scene. I was more than happy to write this scene. Quinn needed that breakdown. Will is a master manipulator. I know what you mean about the Quinn scene its so hard for her. But it will work out. I love your reviews, thanks so much!
Ryoko05 – Thank you so much for reviewing and I am glad you enjoyed the chapter. Quinn was bursting and it was a long time coming she needed to explode. Santana and Rachel's relationship is changing but will always be strong. Thanks for reviewing.
look4me – Thank you so much for choosing me over the show! Helen is awesome and already treats Quinn like her own grandchild. Frannie is not going to help Quinn anytime soon if ever. She may have taken the rap for her once but there were many more times when Frannie was the instigator and the one that caused a lot more "spankings" for Quinn.
HIsland429 – yes the flower guy did face Santana's wrath. Wrong place Wrong time. While Quinn is not officially separated from her parents she is headed very much in that direction and that will bring up a whole lot of other issues but we will work with them. Thank you for the review.
Thank you all for the continuous support and reviews. This is a very short chapter. I had a terrible day at work on Thursday where my story very much came to life and I was put into a very emotional funk. This chapter is very short. It's not my best, but I really wanted to give you guys something. I'm going out of town on Monday through Wednesday. However, I plan to post something before I leave on Thursday.
Please think of this chapter as part 1 of 2. Next chapter, we'll see other interviews and a certain someone will be caught. I promise that it will happen. Also, I haven't forgotten about Noah and Santana. Don't worry. There are more scenes with them coming up. Don't worry. I apologize again. Please forgive me. I hope this chapter is okay enough. Please let me know what you think.
This is a very Rachel and Quinn centered chapter. My apology if those characters aren't your favorites.
Shelby pulled Rachel into her arms. She let the child dangle her legs over hers as she sat sideways on Shelby's lap. She rested her hand over the side of Rachel head as she rocked back and forth. Rachel was still crying softly, but Shelby was thankful that she was at least letting her hold her. She remembered a time when Rachel wouldn't let anyone but Santana hold her and all Rachel would do was scream, kick, and cry. Now she was in Shelby's arms, allowing her to hold her. That bastard hadn't taken that away.
"I know you tried," Shelby said. "I'm so proud of you for trying and I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"Mumma?" she whispered wiping her tears with the back of her hand. Shelby looked down at Rachel, but the girl's head was still bowed. "I made him mad..." she whispered. "Are you mad at me too?"
"Not at all," she whispered. "I'm so happy you're talking to me. I'm so proud and grateful. Thank you."
Rachel leaned further into her mother. She chewed her lip and stared at the slightly ajar bathroom door. "Sanny's sick... I made her sick..." She looked down at her lap. "I... I'm dirty and messed up."
Shelby sat up a little straighter so that she could see Rachel's face. "You are not those two things at all." She kissed Rachel's head. "You are my baby bug. You are incredible and you transcend, which means go beyond-"
"I know what that means,," she whispered.
Shelby chuckled. "Of course, you do. I'm sorry." She took a deep breath and rocked her. "In the very least you are courageous. You are kind. And you are beautiful."
Rachel leaned the side of her head into her mother's chest. "You're my mom though," she whispered. "You're supposed to see me like that...and not everyone else does."
"That's not true," Shelby said. "I love you so much. That's how I see you. And I know a lot of other people see you like that."
Her ears perked up. She listened to her older daughters murmur quietly in the bathroom, thankful that Quinn had emerged from her hideout.
"I can't tell you what happened, Mumma," she whispered interrupting Shelby's concentration.
"Why not, bug?" Shelby asked stroking her daughter's hair.
"Because I'm not... I'm not really sure what happened," she said quietly. "He...He...changed... and he got mad at me..." Shelby noted that the whispering in the bathroom stopped. Rachel went on. "He knows everything, Mumma." She leaned in closer into Shelby's chest. "He even knows how scared I was in New York..." She looked up at her mother. "How does he know that?"
The mother frowned. "He does not know what you're feeling,Rachel. He was trying to intimidate you and make you think that he knows."
The girl's brow knitted. "It worked...," she whispered. "I don't know what happened...I'm confused because...sometimes he was there and then other times it was Papa Hiram..." She frowned again. "Once I could see Sanny reaching for me and holding my hand but then I was alone in his office...but it... it hurt the same... and I was screaming but no one could hear me..." She looked up at Shelby and the mother tried her best to suck back her tears. "Because his tie was on my mouth."
Shelby pulled her closer because she couldn't control her tears anymore and she didn't want Rachel to see her lose it. "I'm so sorry that no one heard you, baby," Shelby said. She heard another drive heave in the bathroom.
They rocked for a little bit on the bed and Rachel interrupted the silence.
Rachel frowned. "Suzy did..." She pulled away from her mother. "Suzy was outside the room when I …. when he …. when he brought me back out..."
Shelby frowned. "Okay." She was already trying to figure out their next course of action.
Rachel leaned back into her mother. "Mumma?" she asked suddenly.
"Yeah, bug?"
"I don't understand what he did... and what he said..." Rachel looked up at Shelby. "What …. I mean..." She frowned. "I ….. I …. I know... what... sex is...You make babies with sex." She nodded and searched Shelby's eyes. "You and Daddy had sex and made Noah, Sanny and me."
Shelby nodded, unsure and weary of where this conversation was going.
Rachel frowned deeper. "And...and... Noah had sex with Whitney in the back of her car..."
If Shelby could choke on her own spit, she would have, but she was sure she just choked on air. She tried to cover it with a cough and grimaced slightly as she heard something tumble to the floor in the bathroom where she knew the girls were listening.
The tiny girl frowned again. "And...Quinn... Quinn made a baby," she whispered.
Shelby's eyes bulged and her gaze jerked to the bathroom. She could see a sliver of Quinn's face through the barely open door. Quinn's hazel eyes widened in heartbreak and shock but stared back at Shelby. She felt Rachel jump in her arms when the bathroom door and then the bathroom door slammed shut.
"How can... how can people make babies?... OR want to?"
"Rachel..." Shelby started. "What happened to you -"
Rachel shook her head. "I know what rape is, Mom," she said in an eerily adult tone. "I just..." she looked away. "How can... how can it be the same thing?"
Shelby pressed Rachel's head against her chest. "Those are very complicated questions, Rachel. Ones that I promise will be answered. Things aren't just one thing or the other."
"I know that," she whispered. She slipped off of her mother's lap.
"Rach?" she questioned.
Shelby watched her take a deep breath. "I want to check on Sanny and Quinn," she finally said in the most simplistic tone and a gentle shrug.
Shelby stood up. She knew that the older girls would probably not be in a good state to deal with Rachel's big eyes full of confusion, pain, and apologies.
"Rachel," she called. "Wait, a sec-"
"San?" Rachel knocked on the door of the bathroom. "San?" She knocked again. "Are you okay?"
Shelby could hear sniffling and her eldest daughter, even though only older than Quinn by a few months, shuffle to her feet.
"Yeah. Yeah," Santana said in an almost chipper tone, but still clearly forced. The door opened. "I'm fine, bug," she muttered pulling her close. "I'm fine," she whispered again.
"You both need to go down stairs," Shelby said. "Dad?" she knew her father had been standing outside in the hallway or at least in hearing range. She was right. He poked his head head.
"Yes?"
Shelby smiled, grateful for something consistent.
…..
Quinn's eyes popped open. Where was she? How did she... Her mind trailed off. She looked around. She was in Shelby's room. She hadn't ever been in there besides that one time that Rachel and her passed through to go up on the roof. She looked around the room. It was decorated nicely, but simply. Her dresser was large with a matching framed mirror behind it. Quinn sat up with a groan. Her body was still aching. She looked more closely at the pictures on the dresser. She was expecting those obnoxiously stereotypical moments of cuteness caught when they kids were little. One of the three of them posing with a professional photographer. Professional photographs was what Quinn was used to. While she expected the candids she wasn't expecting the ones she saw. There was one of Santana and Noah right after Rachel was born; Santana was sitting on her who Quinn guessed was Shelby's lap, who was in a wheelchair. Rachel was tiny and in an incubator; Quinn knew she couldn't tell Rachel-newborn from any other newborn, but knew it had to be Rachel. There was a picture with Santana, Noah and Griffin hanging upside down on the jungle gym. There was a picture of Helen and Michael, sitting idly together in the front yard holding hands, unaware that their picture was being taken. There was a picture of a black handsome man Quinn had never seen Santana in one arm covering his ears and Rachel in the other covering his mouth with both of her small hands with Noah on his shoulders covering his eyes. Quinn could still see that he was laughing, his dimples went far beyond Rachel's hands. They were there, but there were other pictures too. Pictures of a series of young and slightly older, but still young Shelby with a round thing on a black thing. Quinn frowned. Why did she look so happy and so dressed up? That thing couldn't be a award. There were so many other pictures of the kids, cousins, Joey and Bear, and even a few of Shelby and that black man that the kids were pictured with earlier.
However, one picture made her freeze. It was a picture of Noah, Santana and Rachel. It looked recent. They were huddled underneath a blanket and sitting in an open trunk of Shelby's Range Rover. They must have been tailgating. Rachel was sitting in Santana's lap laughing and Santana was smiling as they both looked at Noah. No one was looking at the camera. It was wasn't the picture that made her pause though. It was the picture the three by four sized picture, the size you put in your wallet, that was tucked into the bottom edge of the frame between wood and the glass. It was Quinn's cheerio captain picture from this year.
She felt confused about how she felt about that. Shelby saw her and accepted her as family long ago. It was as if there was no room to even consider that Quinn might go back to her mother. There was nothing. Not even a prayer.
She looked around the room once again and felt even more out of place. She needed to go back to her room and hide in the corner. She paused. The guest room... or... her temporary room. She just needed to go somewhere else. She couldn't be in Shelby's room, she especially couldn't be there alone. The sun had gone down. She refused to be here in especially alone and in the dark. She was never allowed in her parents' room, especially not alone.
She walked back down the hallway. She spotted Michael and Bear with their backs to her standing outside of Santana's room. She frowned but and settled onto her make-shift bed on the floor ignoring the aches that electrocuted through her body. She closed her eyes and attempted to ease into some kind of sleep.
Suddenly she jumped at a slam of the ceramic toilet seat against the tank. Then she heard someone vomiting. she gave a huff.
She paused for a second. Santana? she thought. She swallowed a groan and stood up and made her way to the restroom. She opened the door slowly and Santana was hanging over the toilet.
"Um..."
Santana turned her head slowly and looked at the blonde in the doorway, with her head still resting on her arm. Her eyes were filled with tears.
"I knew he did something to her," she whispered. "I just knew it... but... but hearing it..."
Quinn watched her take deep breath and pinch the bridge of her nose. She watched the brunette in silence. She didn't know what to say. She allowed herself to ease back onto the edge of the bathtub. She frowned and attempted to gather her own thoughts.
"Is she... okay?"
"No," Santana spat.
Quinn shook her head. "Sorry," she muttered. "I don't know what to say..." She took a breath. "I'm so sorry that I left her with him."
Santana shook her head. Her forehead was now resting on her arm instead of the toilet. "Don't be sorry, Quinn," she said sincerely. "He would have gotten her anyway. He would have found a way... He did..." She sat up and leaned back into the tub. "I yelled at her."
"Good," Quinn said without hesitation.
The brunette snapped her neck to look at her. "What?"
"She needs that San," Quinn said. "You're not her mother. And you're too …. I don't know..."
Santana shook her head and Quinn watched as tears poured down the girl's face. "He made her... touch him... and then he...made her wear it home." She shook her head as Quinn stared back at her. The blonde herself wasn't sure if she was shocked or frozen in helplessness. She went on in an even quieter whisper. "I...and then … "
Quinn looked at her. "This isn't your fault, Santana. He did this." She was surprised by her own gentleness.
"I know,"she whispered. "But it feels like I did."
Rachel's voice echoed into the bathroom; the door was still open. "…. I'm not really sure what happened," Quinn could hear the struggles in her voice. "He...He...changed... and he got mad at me..." She watched Santana's eyes search the floor of the bathroom as if it had answers. Rachel went on. "He knows everything, Mumma. He even knows how scared I was in New York..." She felt a fury in her own heart as Santana's showed on her face. "How does he know that?" Rachel's question echoed in their minds.
Santana shook her head. "She's so smart," she whispered with a hiss. "But I forget that she's still a baby. She was manipulated."
She opened her mouth to respond to Santana. She wanted to tell her that Rachel wasn't a baby but that she was scared and Will knew that, men like Will always knew that. However, Rachel's voice interrupted the tense air. "I don't know what happened...I'm confused because...sometimes he was there and then other times it was Papa Hiram...Once I could see Sanny reaching for me and holding my hand but then I was alone in his office...but it... it hurt the same... and I was screaming but no one could hear me..." Quinn felt tears stinging her eyes. She didn't realize that her heart was beating fast in her chest or that she was dreading Rachel's explanation. However, the tiny girl continued anyway. "Because his tie was on my mouth."
Quinn felt her stomach drop and watched as Santana lurched into the toilet again, releasing her disgust. The blond stood from where she sat and pulled Santana's hair from her face. The blonde had no words of comfort because she knew you couldn't comfort someone away from the pain Santana was feeling. All Quinn could do was make sure she wouldn't vomit in her hair.
Rachel's voice interrupted them again. "Suzy was outside the room when I …. when he …. when he brought me back out..."
Santana turned and looked at her. "We will be talking to that little shit," she hissed. Quinn gave a small smile. She had almost forgot that the Santana she knew almost two months ago was still in there. They both looked back at the door as Rachel continued.
"I don't understand what he did... and what he said..." There was a pause. "What …. I mean..." She frowned. "I ….. I …. I know... what... sex is...You make babies with sex." Santana looked at her with a frown, but a frown not of sorrow but of impending dread.. "You and Daddy had sex and made Noah, Sanny and me."
Quinn gave a small smile as Santana frowned in disgust. No one wants to think about their parents making them... Quinn's thoughts trailed off. She stood up and leaned against the sink.
Rachel went on. "And...and... Noah had sex with Whitney in the back of her car..."
Both of them made a look of utter horror and smiled slightly at the initial reaction. Santana lost her balance a bit and knocked the shampoo bottle on the edge of the tub over.
"And...Quinn... Quinn made a baby," she whispered.
Quinn's smile faded as if it was never there. She felt her breath hitch in her chest. She looked through the crack in the door and Shelby was staring back at her. Her mouth dropped open. She felt Santana reach out to her. She couldn't this. She slammed the door to Santana's room shut.
"Quinn," Santana said gently.
The blonde waved her hands in front of her. "Leave me alone."
She ran into her room and slammed the door behind her unsure of what to think. She breathed shallowly and put her hands over her face. Her heart was racing. There were no words to describe what she was feeling. She felt splattered, spit out, and minced. The one person who accepted her and who she accepted without question thought that she made a baby by choice. She felt tears sting her eyes as her own hands tried to suffocate her feelings and the tears. She couldn't do this. It just hurt too much. She went to the corner and rummaged for the one thing she needed.
It wasn't there.
She spotted a duffle on her bed. She looked through there, as she once again ignored the pain and exhaustion in her body. She gave a small sigh of relief when she found it.
She pulled out the lamb and pulled it to her chest and squeezed her eyes shut.
She sat on the back steps of the country club. her tears were falling without mercy. She gripped her fists. She couldn't understand or comprehend these emotions that ran through her veins. In all of her life, her entire five years, Quinn never felt so confusedly angry, sad, and frustrated at the same time.
"Hello, Quinn?"
She turned and saw Grammy Pierce looking at her with a soft smile.
The blonde shook her head. Grammy couldn't see her like this.
"I'm sorry, ma'am," she said standing and smoothing out her skirt. She started to walk past the kind woman.
"Quinn, dear. Come here," said the woman settling down on at an empty patio table and chair.
Quinn put her hands behind her back. She was told that she needed to listen to adults, so she couldn't say no. She turned and faced the woman. "I'm sorry," she muttered as she looked at her briefly before looking down at the ground. "I need to go back to my family."
"I asked them if you could come over with Brittany and Melanie for a playdate," Grammy said simply.
Her head shot up. "My daddy said yes?" she couldn't control her surprise.
Grammy nodded. The woman held out her hands. Quinn looked at them unsure. "My dear girl, you are so much better than you know."
Quinn frowned. She wasn't sure what that meant. Grammy seemed to know that. "You have so many awesome things about you but you don't have people around you that remind you of that, who tell you."
She frowned deeper. "You do. You tell me I'm nice and things."
"And you are, Quinn," Grammy Pierce said looking at her eyes. "I know you might not understand all of this, but I need you to remember something."
Quinn nodded. "Okay, Grammy."
"What you feel is never wrong," the older woman said carefully. She took a deep breath. "No matter what your mother or your father say. You are a good girl, you are kind and you are strong."
"No, I'm not," she said looking at her not with sadness, but simply truth. She knew, even at five that those things weren't true.
"You are," Grammy said. "You are those thing. To me and so many more." She sat up straighter and pulled out a small lamb from her back "I got something for you."
"Why?" Quinn asked looking at the lamb.
"There are many things about me that you don't know, my sweetheart," the woman said staring ahead. "However, you help remind me of those things that I try to forget."
"I don't understand," Quinn replied.
"You're my lost sheep, Quinnie," She whispered. "Will you protect this little lamb? Hold her close when you're scared?"
Quinn took the lamb and looked at it was a tenderness and care that only a five year old could. "Why?" she asked.
"Because it feels a lot like you do," Grammy explained. "I saw what your sister did and what your mother said to you, Quinn. I would feel very angry and sad." Grammy leaned forward and pointed at the lamb. "You can hug her and she'll understand. You don't need words and you don't need to hold it in those tiny fists of yours." Quinn looked at the lamb and then back at Grammy. "Will you take care of her, Quinn? She needs someone."
"I don't know if I can," Quinn whispered. She wasn't sure her father would let her.
"No one in your family has to know about the lamb," the older woman said carefully. "You can keep her safe. I know you can. "Maybe if you let her, someday you can let her keep you safe."
"How?" Quinn asked with big eyes.
"Sometimes, Quinn all people need is other people just to hold us," Grammy said.
"Oh," responded the five year old. "I'll take care of her for you."
"Thank you," the woman responded proudly. "Now do you want to find Brittany?"
Quinn nodded. "Thank you," she whispered taking her hand.
"Always," Mary Pierce said back.
"Quinn?"
The blonde opened her eyes and turned to face the door. She was still gripping her lamb, but didn't turn around.
"I'm fine," she said through her teeth.
"Quinn," Shelby said from behind her.
"I said, I'm fine." she hissed.
"Honey," she began again. "I know you're not fine."
"Leave me alone," Quinn hissed. "I will be fine. Just give me...give me a minute."
Shelby took a step toward the young girl. "You've been given enough minutes. You don't need to be fine, Quinn. Your feelings are not wrong. Not ever, Quinn."
"Shut up!" she let out a sob. "Shut up!"
"Quinn," she said.
"Stop," she whispered. She sat on the floor. "Please..." Shelby wrapped her arms around Quinn. The girl began to cry harder. "It was a little girl. It was … It was a little girl."
Shelby squeezed her eyes tighter and held the girl closer. "I'm so sorry, Quinn."
"I'm not..." she sobbed. "And I hate that...I-I-I-don't know... I...I'm grateful that... that one day... I'll never have to tell that little girl who... " She let out a sob. She turned and looked at Shelby. "I … I ...I'm happy that she's not here and … a-a-and that hurts so much. I hate that I'm happy that I'm not responsible." She wiped her tears. "I'm not supposed to be grateful." She shook her head with a sob.
"Quinn," Shelby said wiping the girl's tears. "You can be angry and grateful and sad, and confused all at once."
She shook her head and wiped her own tears. "I can do this. I'm fine. I just... You need to talk to Rach and -"
"I want to talk to you," Shelby assured. "You don't have to be so brave all the time."
"I'm not!" The tears began again. She wiped them and put her hands up toward her face. "See? Not brave at all." She shook her head. "Rachel's brave..." She shook her head. "Not me."
"Yes, you," Shelby said with a small smile. "I hope you'll eventually see you the way I see you."
Quinn rolled her eyes and wiped another stray tear. "Do we need to go down to that place that I went to?" She saw Shelby's look of confusion. "You know, that place...where I first met you."
Shelby nodded. "The advocacy center?" Quinn nodded. "We'll probably all go there tomorrow."
Quinn searched her eyes and spotted the piece of information that she hadn't said. She gave a nod. "They'll need to talk to me, won't they?" She shook her head and nodded. "I told them what I saw."
"But you didn't," she said carefully. She looked carefully at the sixteen year old. "You can talk to the people at advocacy center tomorrow or you can talk to Elyse tomorrow." She kissed the girl's temple. "Let's get you back in bed." She stood up but felt a hand stop her.
"He didn't hurt me," she whispered to the floor. She looked up and met the mother's gaze. "I don't want to talk about it, but I need you to believe me."
She took her hand and pulled her up. "I'll always stand by you, Quinn. Think about it." Quinn looked at her with a frown. "About who you want to talk to." She held out her hand. "Come on," she whispered.
….
The girls were finally asleep and Noah was snoring next to them in adjacent the love seat. Rachel was curled into Santana's side in Santana's bed that Noah and Michael moved down. Quinn was asleep in her bed that was squeezed in next to Santana's bed. The entire living room was completely rearranged. The couches and tables had to be moved out the garage.
She pulled the blankets over the girls. She knew that the girls had taken their medicine before, but she wasn't sure if they would be sleep through the night. She tucked in Quinn and placed her lamb next to her. She walked next to Noah and pried the bag of chips that he snuck out of kitchen. She finally headed into the kitchen with a heavy sigh. The house was quiet.
"Alright, we're going to head out," Joey said kissing Shelby on the temple. "You good?"
She gave a subtle nod and sat on the stool at the counter. "Yeah, thank you."
"We're going to have them meet us down at the center tomorrow," Bear said as he finished washing his hands at the sink. "I really think it'll be better to do the girl's interviews there. They're trained for that kind of stuff."
"I know that," Shelby said quietly. "Elyse will come over tomorrow morning with the girls." She combed her hand through her hair. "I think I'm going to switch Santana to Elyse."
Michael frowned. "She showing signs to do that?"
Shelby looked at her father. "Not like she used to," she trailed off with a shake of her head. "But she needs to go. Julia has already voiced concerned to me that she's not prepared to help Santana through..." She looked at her family. "The on-coming storm."
Michael nodded and sat down next to Shelby. "Rachel's been in trauma therapy for so long, Shel, because she could never get a handle on triggers and to that she had to remember."
Shelby shook her head. "So we lied to her and allowed her to live the last nine years in an oblivious state of panic." She waved her arms. "Thanks, Dad! Thanks for that reminder."
"We did that, Shel," Michael said gently. "Because that's what the experts said. We took it one step at a time."
"Steps that took nine damn years," she hissed. She shook her head. "No, Santana isn't having the same issues that Rachel is having.-"
"Because Santana went through trauma therapy in New York and completed it," Helen said sitting next to her daughter.
"Because she told her damn therapists what happened but she never told me," Shelby said. "I had to hear it from them." She shook her head. It's nine years later and …We're still... I … I just..."She waved her hands. "The nurse is coming over first thing and then Elyse and then we'll meet you at the center."
"No, we'll be back over here in the morning," Helen said. "I'll be cooking some things that you can just pop in the oven or the microwave."
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Joey asked.
Helen waved her off. "I can cook, thank you and those girls need to eat more. Rachel and Quinn need to eat more than broth."
"I'm working on it, Mom!" Shelby said with exhaustion. She put her head in her hands. "I'm sorry. I just... I'm working on it."
"I know, I'm sorry."
Helen took a deep breath. "We'll be back in the morning."
Shelby sighed and watched them leave wondering what the day would bring.
…..
Shelby woke up to the smell of coffee and something cooking in the kitchen. It had been a rough night. She was woken up by Quinn insisting that she needed to set up her bed on the floor. Then Rachel woke up Santana by crying about needing to go to the bathroom. Shelby had to fumble through the the kitchen to find the girls medicine and then something to eat.
She looked over at the mantle clock. She untangled herself from Quinn and climbed over the others to make her way to the kitchen.
"Mom?"
"Morning," Helen whispered. "Breakfast is almost ready."
Shelby shook her head. "This is too much, Mom."
"No, it's not. It's easily freezeable and can be put in the fridge for later. I'm packing the kids lunch."
"Sue's taking Noah and San," Shelby explained. "I haven't … told them yet but..." She shook her head. "The school administration informed all of the teachers about Will Schuester." She waved her arm. "I mean it's on the nightly news." She took a deep breath. "She has a plan for them today. A good one. They can't have full stomachs when they do what they plan to do.."
Helen shook her head. "This is why I'm wrapping it up for them to eat afterward. I know that Sue lady. She's a little... um..." Shelby chuckled watching her look for a nice adjective. She shook her head and waved her hand. "Well you know..." She shrugged. "Anyway..." She finished pointing to two thermos. "The girls' shakes are in here. I will pack a fruit salad and some cereal, too. Can they eat during the interviews?"
Shelby looked at her mother and shook her head. "Maybe, Mom." She looked at the clock. "Elyse is coming up for a bit."
"But the girls have their interviews," Helen explained. "Doesn't that sound funny? It's like we're talking about them going out for a job."
Shelby nodded. "Elyse just wants to check in with them."
"What time is she getting here?"
The doorbell rang.
"Now."
"Sweet baby Jesus!" Santana exasperated sigh..
Noah released a loud groan that echoed into the kitchen and Rachel exuded a tiny cry and Shelby could see Quinn jump from where she was standing.
Shelby sighed and went to the the door.
"Morning," Elyse said held out a venti cup Starbucks cup. "Triple cappuccino. Dry."
"Thank you," she sighed.
Elyse walked in. "Anyone awake?"
"Barely," Shelby said. "Let's talk in the study. We have about an hour or so until the nurse gets here."
Elyse nodded and followed her into the study.
Rachel rubbed her eyes and looked over Santana. "What is she doing here?"
"Upstairs Noah. Please change," Helen said beginning to fold the blanket that was draped over him.
"Nana," he whined.
"Noah! I mean it," Nana said seriously.
He moaned but stood.
Helen moved to Rachel and Santana. The older girl wrapped her arms tighter around Rachel. "We're sleeping," she announced.
"You're not," Helen corrected. She combed her hand through Rachel's hair. "Kitchen now. Go. Up. Up."
"Nana, I'm sleeping," Rachel mumbled into Santana's chest.
"Quinn?" Helen called. "I know you're awake. Up. Up. "
Quinn moaned.
Shelby took a sip of her coffee with gratitude. "Thank you. I needed this."
"I figured," Elyse said with a smile. She took a deep breath. "So she talked last night."
Shelby nodded. "Yeah, she did. You're going to be at the center."
Elyse nodded. "Both girls will be interviewed, right?"
The mother continued. "Yes. With their therapy though, I think you need to be aware that Rachel remembered things during her... attack." She searched the woman's eyes and continued. "I also think that Santana needs to be switched over to you."
"I read her file. She completed trauma therapy back in New York," Elyse explained. "We evaluated her when she first moved here."
"Yes, but I think this might open old wounds for her. It already has."
"Has she been triggered in ways like the other two?"
"More or less," Shelby nodded.
Elyse gave a sigh. "Alright, I'll file the paperwork and we'll get her on the schedule for this week. Also, Jackie sent me report of Quinn's reaction to the severance plan."
Shelby gave a heavy sigh. "Yeah..."
"We're getting through to her, Shelby. It's just taking time." She watched her coworker for a moment in silence before she went on. "She brought up the pregnancy again."
Shelby gave a tiny nod. She looked at her hands and continued. "I know her scars run deep, " she began slowly. "But...I'm unsure of who the father was."
The other woman folded her arms protectively in front of her and thought for a moment before speaking. "I've thought the same thing, but we will dive into this slowly. You and I both know that she won't talk if we push her. We've uprooted her entire life, bad or otherwise, it was still her life."
Shelby nodded. "Absolutely."
"Can I ask you something?" Elyse said cautiously. The woman nodded with a frown at the other's woman's concern. "Have you …. Have you really considered if you're ready to take this on?" Shelby opened her mouth to speak in her defense and Elyse put her hands up. "Hear me out. We see this kind of thing every day. Your family is going to go through something very trying and -"
"Elyse, Quinn is my family. It's not about 'doing the right thing' or being in over my head or me being stubborn because I don't want to give up Quinn. It's not an option." She looked at her friend. "I appreciate your concern, but I'm not going to give up on her even though this has happened with Rachel." She shook her head. "I know that people will say that I was too busy on a crusade to save Quinn to see what was wrong with Rach, but I honestly I don't believe that's true."
"I didn't mean to offend, Shelby," she began.
"I know you didn't, but how can Quinn accept that she's part of this family if people keep questioning it?"
Elyse nodded for the millionth time. "You know that we have to ask these things."
Shelby shook her head. "It's better to check in."
"You know we would only move her under the worst case," she said gently. "But it looks like we're getting pretty close to a worst case scenario and I-"
Shelby put her hand up. "I know. I appreciate it. I know. I will make sure she gets the care that she needs that all of them do. Things are bad right now, but …. I think you see that somehow Rachel and Quinn need each other and separating them will undo everything. Plus..." she said with a sigh. "That's part of the way he got Rachel not to talk." Elyse frowned and she went on. "He told her the family would be split up. They don't just need each other but they're depending on each other."
"I know and I truly believe that the need each other. They all do. Removing Quinn won't help anyone, but we still need to ask," she said with a sympathetic look.
"I know," Shelby nodded. "My family is helping. I have help. It's not just me alone."
"I'm know Shelby. If anyone can do this, you can, but it's just... It would be hard with Quinn alone. With all the layers on top of that..." She trailed off.
"I get it," she nodded. "I do."
Shelby looked up. She could hear rumblings in the kitchen. "Do you want to talk to the kids first?"
Elyse nodded. Shelby led them into the kitchen.
"Are you moving in too?" Noah asked with a frown.
The girls looked at him incredulously.
Elyse laughed. "No, but I'm here to talk schedules."
"Oh," Rachel whispered.
Santana pursed her lips together and wrapped her arm around Rachel.
"The nurse is going to come over and check your incisions and vitals and then we're going to head down to the center," Shelby said sipping her coffee and slapping Santana's hand away as the older girl reached for the Starbucks paper mug.
"The advocacy center?"
Shelby nodded quickly. "And you two," she said pointed to Noah and Santana, "Are going with Sue."
"Mom," Santana began.
"End of discussion," Helen said quickly.
"Mom," Shelby said carefully. "They're just doing their interviews that's all."
"That's not all," Santana hissed.
Rachel stared down idly at her plate of fruit.
"Have they caught him yet? They have right?"
Shelby stared at her kids. She was used to having her game face on but it much have drowned in her coffee.
"Oh my god, they haven't," Santana whispered.
They all turned slowly to Rachel who's breathing was becoming more and more rapid.
Shelby recognized in her eyes that Rachel was with him again, hearing his voice in her head. She put her coffee on the counter and scrunched down behind Rachel's chair.
"Look at me, Rach," Shelby said softly. The girl slowly turned in her seat and looked at her mother. "He's not going to hurt you again. What he said isn't true." Shelby could see the other children looking at her with frowns of confusion. "Do you hear me?"
Rachel nodded. "I just have to tell the truth, right?"
Shelby nodded. "Yes. Just the truth."
"Okay."
…...
Santana watched as Rachel came out of the house. She looked very un-Rachel like. She still had some bruising on her face. Because of the surgery, Rachel was most comfortable in a nightgown, but had to settle for sweatpants to head down to the center.
"You look wicked cute, bugs," Brittany said next to her. Santana had almost for forgot that she had spent the last five minutes debating on holding Brittany's hand and then pulling away.
"I look like a scrub," Rachel said with a huff. "I look like Noah. I don't leave the house in sweatpants, Brittany. While comfortable they're not suitable for public."
Brittany looked down and Rachel followed her gaze. Brittany was in sweatpants.
"Well, I mean-I don't... Um..."
"You're okay, Rach," Brittany grinned. "It takes more than that to ruin my ego."
"Okay," she muttered. "Sorry."
Santana gave Brittany a nod of thanks and turned to Rachel. "Call me if you need anything?" Rachel nodded. She cupped her face gently. "I'm sorry I can't come."
"I know." She gave a tiny smile and looked up. "You might hit someone if come."
Santana tried to chuckle but she couldn't help but feel a little wounded that her eleven year old sister thought... or knew … her instinct for violence. She gave a weak smile.
"Kay," she whispered. She knew that this needed to be done, but she couldn't help but feel lost without a purpose or a role in the process.
"Let's get moving please," Shelby said. She kissed Noah on the cheek and hugged Santana. "Be good."
Santana nodded. "Bye, Rach," she whispered. Rachel gave a slight wave and her mother helped her climb into the back seat of the car.
She watched as her grandparents talk to her uncle by her car and Quinn sat silently in the front seat. She suddenly felt a swell and a pang in her chest. She walked over to the car from the doorstep where she was standing and opened Quinn's door.
"What?" Quinn asked as she looked back at her.
Santana could see her mother and Rachel staring at her from the back seat. "I..." She took a few endless seconds to search for her words. But then she did something that she never did. She let her actions speak louder than words. She gently, but swiftly wrapped her arms around the seat-belted blond and pulled her into a soft hug. "Thanks," she whispered. She wasn't sure if the single word allowed Quinn to understand the depth of her gratitude ran deeper than just Quinn going and explaining what happened that day at school or the fact that she got Rachel away from him. The simple word signified that there were no words other than that word. While it felt empty and insignificant, it meant the world.
She watched as they finally drove away. Rachel looked back at her briefly as they did.
She felt a hand slip into her own. She didn't need to turn to know who it was.
"I don't think she really understands where she's going," Santana said quietly not taking her eyes off of her mother's Range Rover.
"She does," Brittany replied squeezing her tighter. "She'll be okay."
"She was three the last time we went to a center like that," she said quietly turning to Brittany. "I don't think she remembers." She searched Brittany's eyes for fear and hesitation. "I don't want you to feel bad for me. Or look at me different."
Brittany softened her gaze. "I might look at you differently, but I won't stop loving you and I will never feel bad for you."
Santana nodded. "I've done a lot of bad things, Brit." Brittany looked at her to go on. "What if it's all too much?"
Brittany shrugged. "I have seen you do a lot, San. It's not news to me and I still love you. It'll be a lot, but..." She licked her lips trying to find her words. "I know that... I don't know what happened but... it's made you who you are. And I love that person." Santana opened her mouth to protest. "Even if you don't yet." She gave a smile. "Just give me the benefit of a doubt. Okay?" She chuckled. "Because believe it or not, I've tried so hard not to love you as much as I do, but it didn't work. I just couldn't stop caring about you."
"I don't know what this means or how to do this," she whispered.
"We'll figure it out," she whispered. "I'll be here."
"Girls, are you about done?" Helen asked as she looked down the street. Santana pulled her hand away. "I think that Sue lady will be here soon."
She wasn't sure why she was so scared of telling her Nana, but she was. It was cliche but she was afraid of rejection from one of the few people she respected. The more people she told the more real it would be.
"Brittany, how are you, dear? I didn't greet you before."
"I'm fine, Mrs. Berry," Brittany said hugging the older woman.
Santana watched Brittany interact with her nana. She gave a soft smile. They fit; Brittany fit. Her empty hand reached out and retook the blonde's while she continued to talk to her grandmother. She gave her a smile and squeezed the hand. Her hand fit too.
…...
Rachel held Shelby's hand as they walked into the center. Quinn stood by next to them watching Rachel's reaction. Did they explain to her why they were there?
"Mumma," the girl whispered as she entered they entered the main lobby.
A woman in a business suit came out to greet them before Shelby could finish. "Hi," she said. "I'm Jill. I believe Captain Marshall let you know I was going to talk with you both."
Shelby nodded. "This is Quinn and Rachel."
"Hello," Jill smiled.
Quinn frowned. Why was she smiling? A tug on the bottom of her sweatshirt made her return to reality. Rachel was looking at her. She hadn't been able to look at the girl the same since she heard what was said in the bathroom.
"Yeah?" she asked quietly.
Rachel looked up at her with big eyes. Damn those eyes and damn them especially because they now saw Quinn's upset. She didn't want Rachel to see that. It was Quinn's own fault that Rachel knew. She shouldn't have been yelling about it so loudly.
"Hi, Rachel," Jill said, pulling Rachel's attention from the woman.
"Hi..." she said as she leaned further into her mother.
"My name is Jill," she said with a gentle smile. "Will you come in and speak with me?"
Rachel looked up at her mother, who gave a nod of approval then back at Quinn. "What about Quinn?"
"She'll be going in another room," Jill assured.
She shook her head and bit her lip. "Why are we here, Mumma?" Rachel asked.
Shelby knelt down in front of her. "Jill's going to talk to you about what happened, Rach. Remember we talked about this."
Rachel looked around and then back at her mother. "I don't want to talk to her. I want to talk to Elyse."
Jill knelt next to them. "Well, I'm a police officer, too Rachel," she explained. "Except mainly I talk to people like Elyse does. Why don't we try it and if you don't like it we can try again some other time?"
Rachel looked at Quinn. "Are you gonna do it?"
The blonde nodded. "It's not that scary, Rach. I've been here before. Trust me." Her voice was almost dry.
"Quinn's not going anywhere, Rach," Shelby said looking at Rachel carefully. "We'll be out here waiting for you."
Rachel looked at Quinn. The older girl hadn't looked at her the same. "Are you mad at me?"
"No," Quinn said getting obviously uncomfortable.
The eleven year old continued to look dejected. She turned back to Jill. "I can stop whenever I want to?"
Jill nodded. "Absolutely."
"Okay."
Shelby watched Rachel being led down the hallway. She turned to Quinn once Rachel disappeared. "I need to sort out some paperwork and talk to the Captain," Shelby said. She searched Quinn's eyes. "Are you doing alright?"
"Shouldnt you be in there with her?" Quinn asked.
"No," Shelby said watching the direction Rachel went around the corner. "She'll be okay." She looked back at the blonde. "You haven't talked to her about what she said have you?" Quinn looked at her in confusion. "About what she said while you and Santana were in the bathroom."
The blonde shrunk. How did this woman know everything? Quinn looked at the floor. "I'm …. I'm not going to explain to her what happened..." she whispered. She looked in the direction of the hallway. "She can think what she wants..." She bit her lip. "It's better than the reality."
"Quinn," Shelby began.
"I don't want to talk about it here. We're here for her to catch him that's all."
Shelby searched her eyes. "I won't love you any less."
"What?"
"It's hard for you to be here, I know. I appreciate that, you don't have to do this for Rachel though. You can do it for you too."
Quinn shook her head. "That easy huh?"
"Quinn?"
She and Shelby looked over their shoulders.
"Joey, what are you doing here?"
Joey shrugged and started unbuttoning her jacket. "I meant to be here earlier but I got caught up." She saw Shelby's look. "Bear will stop by soon," She added.
Quinn looked at all of them. It hit her harder than it did before. She had been here before, but it hadn't been about someone else, someone she cared about. Now it was. Before it was abstract and far away, like she was floating somewhere else. However, this felt real, too real. It felt as if things hurt too much. She had been to this center before. They did the forensic interviews and the medical exams in kid-friendly less scary rooms. They even had a teen room where they interviewed and talked to Quinn but the walls were just painted with 'calming' colors and relaxed decor. She looked down the hallway. Rachel had to go through that right now. She wasn't having the exam, and Quinn was thankful to that, but she was being interviewed.
"Quinn?"
She looked up and Joey was staring at her with interest.
"Why don't we go sit down?" She suggested, "They said we could use a room." Quinn looked up and saw Shelby talking with one of the people at the front desk.
"I'm going to go and talk with the Captain," Shelby said coming over with them. "Quinn, come find me if you need anything. I'll talk to you before you go into your interview okay?"
Quinn just nodded. Her mind was full. She kept thinking of all the little promises and all the random interactions she had had in her lifetime. For some reason, they all seemed to flood to the front of her brain in that moment. She was anywhere but in that moment. She looked to her right and suddenly found herself sitting next to Joey in one of the 'calmly' decorated rooms. Everything that she had read and those thoughts of how insignificant she was that crept up on her in the night were now yelling at her.
"There's something wrong with me," she whispered.
"What?" Joey asked looking at her.
"There's something wrong with me," she said again.
"No, there's not, Quinn," Joey said facing her directly.
"Did you know that some studies say that about thirty percent of children who had been sexually abused become abusers themselves?" Quinn didn't say it as a question, but rather a fact. "My parents were …. They never hugged me... or... Told me I'm good at things...But it wasn't constant. They would brag about me at the club when I was older, however I had to stand behind them... I'm... I don't understand why I haven't hurt anyone yet. Why does Shelby let me stay with Rachel? Why does she trust me? I shouldn't-"
"There are a million reasons why people turn out the way they are," Joey said. "Children in the most loving environments can become terrible people. The brain is so mysterious." She took a breath. "You are so many wonderful things, Quinn. You are that way because you're special, you're strong and you're so full of this instinctive compassion that it's as if it sneaks up on you. It's your instincts. Yes your parents were not great at a lot of things." She shook her head in anger. "But somehow you were able to identify right from wrong."
"But I still choose wrong," she whispered. She looked at Joey. Her eyes were brimming with tears. "They're all I have."
"Not anymore," Joey said gently.
Quinn shook her head. "You don't get it. You can't come in riding on your white horse saving me," she whispered with her eyes filled with tears. "It's not like that."
"I know I might not understand how complicated it is, Quinn. And I get that sometimes things defy definition and explanation," Joey began. "But, that's the hardest part to accept. Something can be purple and be spinach at the same time."
Quinn sniffled a laugh. "That makes no sense."
"That's the point." Joey wrapped her arm around her and pulled her close into a hug. "You're good at things, Quinn."
She looked at her and wiped her eyes. "I'm bad at so many things."
Joey smiled. "Me too, but that doesn't mean you're not still good at so many other things." She smiled. "You're good with Rachel. You're great with putting people in their places, San and my son included. You are loyal and kind. You-"
"Allowed my father to do what he did because I was so … " Quinn looked at her with her arms folded over her chest and tears trickling down her face. "I just want someone to love me."
Joey pulled her closer. "We love you so so so much, Quinn."
The blond shook her head. "You can say it a million times," she whispered staring at the floor with glassy eyes. "But I can't feel it."
Joey looked at her. She saw for the first time that the people Quinn needed love from wasn't the Corcorans, but it was the Fabrays and she had spent the past sixteen years trying to earn it, to feel it. She remembered the girl's heart wrenching sobs and words the night before when Jackie told her that they were seeking severance.
"If you let us love you, Quinn," she whispered. "That doesn't mean that your parents won't ever tell you."
The blonde looked at her with a frown, soaking in her words. "I don't know." She sat up and wiped her tears. "Is Rachel going to be okay?"
"She will be," Joey said simply. "And so will you."
Quinn scoffed. "Yeah. Right."
Joey smiled. "Yeah. You know how I know?"
"Try me," she said with a roll of her eyes.
"Because you're talking to me right now. " She shook her head. "You never would have done that before." She took a deep breath. "You're not going to wake up one day and have everything seem .. better."
"Thanks," Quinn frowned.
"What I mean is," Joey continued. "Would you have thought that your father was terrible say five months ago?"
Quinn thought for a moment and the older woman continued. The woman couldn't read her face. She didn't know that five months ago was when Quinn was dealing with her own guilt of losing the one human she thought would love her back. However, there was only so much emotion that the young face could convey. And to Joey, she saw hesitation disguised as progress. "That. Right there. That hesitation? Realizing the difference. That's a huge step."
Quinn frowned. "You don't get it. I don't know where I'm stepping and what I want or what I expected but … It just..." She shook her head. "I don't expect anyone to understand. It's too complicated. It makes no sense."
"It doesn't have to."
She shook her head and folded her arms, allowing herself to mold into the couch.
"Things aren't going to go away with a Joey-pep talk," she said with a shake of her head.
"They could," Joey said nudging her a bit with a smile.
"Thanks," she whispered.
"Don't mention it."
…..
Shelby was ushered into the room. Elyse, a few other investigators that she recognized from earlier and the Captain stood at the mirror. There was mirror ahead of her that looked into a colorfully decorated room with toys. She could see her baby girl sitting at the table with Jill.
"How's it going?"
"They've just been coloring," Captain Morgan explained. He gave Shelby a grin. "Your eleven year old just explained that she finds coloring to be a less childish exercise and more cathartic."
Shelby shook her head. "I bought my son a pre-SAT book last year and she soaked information from that book more than my son. My son used it as a pillow and Rachel actually looked through the book and challenged herself." She shook her head, bringing her back to reality. "Did Bear fill you in?"
The Captain nodded and folded his hands over his chest. "Yes. About what she said about the dress."
The mother nodded. "She's talking about what happened in a very fragmented way. It might be difficult to separate the occurrences. She also might be intermixing them with blurry memories." Shelby stared ahead. She heard herself, but if felt less like she was talking about her daughter and more like she was speaking of a client. This wasn't a client. This was her baby. She felt her eyes stinging uncontrollably. She took a deep breath and tries to suck them back in.
The trained her ears to the interview.
"What are you coloring?" Jill asked.
"It doesn't matter, does it?" Rachel asked.
Shelby frowned. She should have known Rachel would be snappy.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because I'm here to talk …." She looked at the woman and then looked away.
Shelby watched with a heavy heart as Rachel quietly continued to color.
Jill nodded and continued. "Do you like to sing?"
"Not anymore," Rachel said as she continued to color carefully in front of the lines. She looked up at Jill. "I haven't told my mom yet. Don't tell her I don't want to go to Gable." Rachel continued to color.
"Why not?" Jill asked.
Rachel paused and looked at the woman with a tilt of her head. "Because he was supposed to ….teach me..."
"He didn't do that?"
Shelby watched as Rachel shook her head. "Mr. Schuester was nice to me..." She watched as Rachel pressed her crayon down harder as she continued coloring. "I was stupid though..."
"You weren't stupid, Rachel," Jill said gently. "He wanted you to trust him."
Rachel nodded. "I did... but then..." she trailed off. "He changed."
"What do you mean?"
She frowned and looked around the room, paused at the window and then looked at Jill. "This'll catch him right?"
Jill nodded. "It'll certainly be a big part of it."
Shelby could feel her heartbeat pick up in her chest.
"I wanted to leave..." she muttered. Shelby leaned forward further to hear her. "I was almost at the door...He wouldn't let me leave."
"You're doing a great job, Rachel," she said with a smile. "When was this?"
Rachel bit her lip and looked straight at Shelby through the one way mirror, but Shelby knew she was just looking at herself. "When he made me touch him..."
Shelby wanted so badly to go in there and hold her as Rachel began to cry.
"You're doing a great job, Rachel. We can take a break if you want."
Rachel shook her head. "I … I... he...unbuttoned my dress... and he... pulled down my …. and … um...pushed up my...training bra..."
Shelby put her hand over her mouth and let out a small sob.
The young girl looked at her crayon. "Then he sat on me..." She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "But... that was … he... the second time was different and it hurt more."
"Second time?" Jill asked.
Rachel nodded.. "He was so mad...He kept hitting me." Her eyes looked up at Jill in embarrassment. "On my... He um... spanked me a lot..." She bowed her head in embarrassment. "He had me bend over …. I wasn't holding still."
Shelby released another shuddering breath. Fresh tears began again.
"Shelby, if you need to take a breath-" Captain began.
Her hand shot up. "I'm fine." She looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry. I'm fine."
She turned her attention back to the room.
"I'm sorry he hurt you, Rachel," Jill said gently.
Rachel shook her head. "He said it was my fault..." She looked at Jill and cried.
"What was your fault?" the woman asked gently.
"T-t-that it hurt because I couldn't get wet." Rachel shook her head frantically. "I don't know what that means. He... he … he took my …. I had an accident. They were wet," she whispered. "He took them... so I..." She shook her head. "I don't know what it means."
"Rachel, why don't we take a break?" she said gently. "I can get your mom."
"No," Rachel wailed. She sat up straighter. "I just want to go home and not come back here." She wiped her tears from the back of her head. "So I need you to tell me what to tell you." She searched the woman's eyes. "Please."
The woman nodded and sat down across from Rachel. "Okay." She took a deep breath. "Did he touch you any other way, Rachel?"
Shelby didn't realize that she was holding her breath but she was. She watched her tiny eleven year old look away and to the floor, nodding quietly.
"Will you tell me?" she asked.
Rachel stared at the floor with blank eyes. "He... He put something inside of me..."
Jill nodded. "We can take a break anytime."
She shook her head. Shelby put her hand on her heart for her brave girl. "I …. He had his hand on my face, my mouth. Mr. Schuester did. The same one that..." Rachel bowed her head further. "The one that was rough and …. touched me..." Rachel pointed subtly toward her crotch. She shook her head as her brow knitted. "I don't know if he... if he put it inside of me... I got confused."
"What do you mean?"
Rachel wiped her tears. "Sometimes I was in the room with my Papa Hiram and other times I was with Mr. Schuester and … Sanny was there holding my hand. She helped me get away."
Shelby's head was bowed slightly but shot up at her daughter's words. What was she talking about? Santana wasn't with Rachel.
"What do you mean, Rachel?"
"My big sister always tells me to hit people in the eyes if they try to hurt me." She looked at Jill with big eyes. "I haven't before this... ever. I promise."
Jill gave a small nod and Rachel continued.
"I was... I was on the floor and I could feel something hitting me... you know,... down there..." She bowed her head. "I just heard my sister's voice in my head."
Shelby at her daughter through the glass. "Oh my god," she whispered. "She fought back."
Rachel went on. "I...hit him in the face." She frowned. "He pulled me back with my foot...but... I kicked him in the face."
"That was very brave of you, Rachel," Jill said. "Do you want to take a break?"
Rachel shook her head.
"Can I ask you a few questions?"
She nodded.
"How did you get in the car with Quinn?"
"I was crying in the locker room trying to hide...I was waiting for Santana to get out..." She frowned. "I should have gone out to the field, huh?"
"What you did was brave, Rachel."
She felt her eyes fill with tears as she watched her baby girl. The door opened and Bear came into the room. "Hey, how's she doing?"
"She's a trooper."
"She wanted to call my mom," Rachel said quietly. "But I begged her not to and told her I just wanted to leave. She hugged me and she got Noah's keys and we left."
Jill nodded. "What happened after that?"
Rachel frowned. "We were upside down in the car."
"Okay," she said with a sigh. "Can you tell me more about what he said to you?"
Rachel looked at her with fear and hesitation, but found her words. "He said I would ruin everything..." Shelby watched as her brow knitted in the memory. "He … He told me that I was his and that I needed to be a good girl." She watched as Rachel bit her lip. "When... he... he put that sticky white stuff on me he... rubbed it on my belly and on my... down there...before he put my clothes on...I smelled like it so he said that I had to say that I knocked the coffee over and then he dumped his coffee on me." She shivered and brought her shoulders close to her ears. "It was cold...I was supposed to …. to do laundry but I don't know how... but... I just needed to get the stuff off...so I showered...I needed to get it off..."
Shelby could see that Rachel was starting to retreat into herself. "We need to stop."
"I agree," Elyse spoke up.
SHelby watched as Rachel began to cry. The girl looked at Jill. "I want to stop. I want my mom..."
She just wanted to hold her close. She wanted it to stop too.
…..
I know this chapter is much shorter than usual and I promised a longer one. I apologize. I hope to have another chapter this length of longer up on Monday before I leave for a couple days. Again, I'm sorry, but I thought something was better than nothing.
Again, I apologize for the shortness lately. Hopefully, I'll bring this back up to snuff. Thank you all for your continuous support. I will do my best to make the next chapters better, longer, etc. Please let me know what you think.