"Here we are!" Leni announced as she rolled Vanzilla into her assigned parking spot. By now, she had made the same commute enough times to easily slide into the space. And since she liked leaving early, Leni rarely had to worry about other cars once in the lot.
Leni hopped out of Vanzilla and flung open the door.
"Come on, sleepy heads!" she said playfully, leaning into the seat.
Luan (normally energetic from her stand-up routines) was unresponsive. Heavy bags sagged under her weary eyes. Her frozen hands were welded to a stryofoam cup while her aching arms gradually brought the lid closer to her lips. All Leni could hear was a slow, tired slurp from the hot coffee inside. What a morning to be alive.
One by one, each of her younger sisters slumped out of Vanzilla. None of them appeared thrilled that they were at school before the sun was up (not to mention the bitter cold). But even with the slouched back and perpetual yawning, Leni was determined to get inside and start her day.
In her eyes, Leni really viewed being early as better. There were no cars to worry about, few people, and plenty of time for Helen (who had a tendency of arriving at least forty minutes before homeroom). There was was a comforting serenity filling the otherwise empty parking lot. Leni could understand the simple surroundings, admire their beauty, and not have to worry about what others had to say. One of the few joys she still retained (aside from her loved one's genuine approval) was being alone. She could say, feel, and do as she pleased without worrying about others seeing her as weird or stupid.
Leni smiled at the blanket of snow on the ground. It was a special gift in the week leading up to Christmas. For once, she tried to not let the others' exhaustion and apprehension ruin this precious, delicate mood. She was one with herself out here.
And apparently, the other sisters were able to find places of their own; as soon as Leni entered the toasty building, the other three sisters had dispersed. While she hasn't bothered to ask either of them, Leni had her own ideas of where each of them went. Luna probably went to the band room to practice the guitar. Luan probably found some friends in the hallway and chatted up a storm with her fellow comics. And Lynn probably headed to the weight room for a refreshing morning workout. She wasn't inconveniencing them (as her pathetic ego tried telling herself), she was just giving them more time to have fun before the drudgery called class began.
Even when she was inside, the calming openness traveled with her. Leni enjoyed being able to hear her own footsteps and move with her natural flow. No one was around to stare, to judge her for any slip of social norms. If she wanted, she could stretch her arms (that helped keep them toned). Leni could also get away with whispering to herself if she really wanted. But above all else, she could pause to admire even minor details in the walls, ceilings, floors, even the layout of the hallways. Leni could stop in her tracks to truly examine something (she did do that at times). It was fascinating to discover new things about the building just from asking questions.
Of course, Leni's ultimate goal each day was to find Helen. If she wasn't mistaken, her friend was just around the corner in this tiny hallway. Her heart fluttered as she approached that familiar corner. Her eager legs made the turn, reconfiguration her vision.
And there she was. Helen was comfortably sitting on the floor against the wall. Luckily, there were no lockers in this space, so few students had reason to come down there in the morning.
"Hi," Leni said, waving her arm.
"Good morning," Helen said warmly, her eyes lighting up as she saw the Loud rapidly approach her. Before she knew, Leni was plopped down, squished right up against her. Both of them were giggling.
"How have things been?" Leni asked.
"Same as yesterday. Pretty good," Helen replied, "How was the Show?"
"Great!" Leni answered.
What better answer could she have given? Last night was the Club's Fall Fashion Show, which brought in a record $5,000. Even without Lori or Carol around, Leni was fortunate enough to have a new set of members determined to bring in the gains. She heard they were vigilant in advertising and fundraising. Not only did these people have friends willing to attend, but some of them even made trailers for the event.
Leni never expected the Club to acquire such valuable members, not that she was good at recruiting (a realm where others took the lead). In fact, with the remarkable talent of these students, Leni found it a miracle that she was still the president of this growing organization. Did she trick others into thinking it was her responsibility for the good times?
But now wasn't the time for such dawdling. Helen was here. Happiness was the one and only currency that these two exchanged with each other (and Helen has always held up her end).
"I'm glad to hear that," Helen said.
"So, like, I was thinking," Leni said. Her eyes veered off towards the nearby wall. She wasn't sure if this was her body trying to be dramatic or if she was just nervous. It was funny that Helen brought up the Fashion Show; she didn't think the question was gonna be that easy to deliver. But even now, with the golden opportunity, Leni still felt fuzzy just envisioning herself uttering her planned words.
Of course now, Helen was eagerly waiting. Was she gonna disappoint her?
"There's only one Fashion Show left before we graduate," Leni noted. Her heart twisted itself with each passing word. She couldn't help but hear that voice, telling her to quit this awkward streak. And yet, she forced herself to continue, "and, um, it would mean a lot to me if, like,"
She paused. Even after all the working out in her brain, Leni still couldn't decide how best to phrase this. She didn't want to sound demanding (Helen would have been more than justified to back out if she wanted to). She didn't want to be unclear (a clarifying question would have dragged out the conversation). She didn't want to sound robotic (a part of her really wanted this to be reality). Leni glances at her friend, who was staring intently at her. There was no use in keeping her waiting.
And besides, great moments happened without a plan. Right?
"I wanted us to do something together," Leni finished.
Helen's expression was unchanged.
"At the Fashion Show?"
Leni nodded eagerly.
"Oh," Helen said as her gaze wavered to the floor.
She knew it. Leni shouldn't have acted upon her selfish instincts like that. Watching her friend just sit there with that short reply only excaerbated the guilt. In one question, Leni had ruined the whole day for her special friend. Didn't she learn anything from the last time she asked Helen about being in the Show?
"Is everything okay?" Leni asked, her voice wracked with concern.
"Yeah," she said softly, jerking her head towards her.
Silence seeped its way into their tucked corner of Royal Woods High. Well, on the outside it was quiet. Leni could hear that voice seething inside her brain. All she wanted was some relief, for it to just leave her alone. But it wouldn't desist. After all, who knows what what would have gone wrong if it weren't there.
"So, like, I know you didn't do it before," Leni said. As she spoke, she felt the urge to cling to something. But what? Her other arm seemed to do, "but maybe we can go out on stage together. I can make a nice dress for you and, like, we can be holding hands and," she paused. Leni couldn't stop rubbing her arm. By this point, it was the only thing holding up her confidence, "we could be friends out there. And, like, I'll be there to support you."
Leni then felt her lips curling into a smile. It was a natural cause and effect. Not only was she thinking about how perfect her friend was, but she could see it for herself. Leni couldn't help it and hoped that Helen could feel the same.
"What if I'm not good enough?" Helen asked. Her face was anything but joyful, "those other people you get to dress up are so pretty and have tons of friends," she then brought a hand to her hair. She grasped a thick brown clump and sunk her fingers into the individual strands, "What if no one likes it?"
Leni was horrified. Was this her doing? It must have been. She had forced herself into Helen's presence every day for nearly five years at this point. Was it her body, attitude, or interests that made Helen feel this way.
"You look totes cute," Leni replied, "and I'll make you a dress that will make you look even more...like, cute."
That had to be a compliment. Sure, the other stuff she said didn't sound so bitter, but that didn't matter. Besides, it may have been an even bigger insult than before. If a dress could make Helen look better, then was her body alone not enough? Maybe if her words were taken out of context, but that remained a possibility. It was her fault for everything. The least Leni could do was alert herself to how stupid she was.
"Really?" Helen asked, twirling another strand.
"Yeah!" Leni shot back. She transformed into one of those bobble heads that Linky used to have. Her neck strained itself, but such was the price to pay. Leni was willing to (forced to) do anything to right this wrong.
And yet, nothing was resolved. Helen continued to stare at Leni. Those eyes told her that she needed more, wood she could cling to in order to resolve her doubts.
"No one is gonna tease you," Leni continued, "they're gonna see you on stage and think that you're, like, cute and they're gonna clap. And then after that, they'll want to meet you and, like, they'll see how nice and caring you are," she then smiled herself, "doesn't that sound like...fun?"
Much of Helen's body, though, remained tense and uncertain. Those wavering eyes appeared to be in conflict. Something told her that she should show some pity to this parasite (while calling it "trust") while another part told her there was no point. Helen knew she was never a fan of the spotlight, yet Here was classic Leni trying to force her under the garish microscope of a hyper-judgmental audience. Every movement of her's would be analyzed, subject to the cruelest brand of scrutiny.
Helen took a shaky breath.
"Well...okay," Helen said slowly.
"I would never put you out there if I didn't think you would be great. You will be! You're my friend and I want to make you know just how special you really are."
That chipped away at the anxiety. Some of it, at least. Her shoulders lowered and let go of her hair, allowing those lonely strands to flourish with the rest of the coiffure.
"Okay," Helen said, "I'll do it."
Those were just the words she needed. In the moment, Leni was somehow able to convince herself that Helen really meant it. Helen was her friend, she told herself. Helen admired herself at least somewhat (Leni, of course, adored her). She couldn't help it. Even while sitting down, Leni lunged in for a hug.
Leni revved up the sewing machine. Today was gonna be another go around. But it was also one where Helen came over to hang out. As she hummed a tune from Princess Pony and got all her materials from the desk, Helen silently sat on Lori's bed (hopefully, the absent big sister wouldn't mind).
"You don't have to do this for me. I'll wear whatever you give me," Helen said, watching the designer prepare.
"Helen," Leni said, turning to her, "as your friend, you deserve nothing less than the best. I wanna make the perfect dress that makes you look as fantastic as possible."
"Okay."
Leni laid out all the colors she had. There had to have been at least eleven out there. Unfortunately, a lot of them had the same vibrant shade despite being completely different colors. Regardless, she went about her work. Taking a small patch of each color, Leni got up and stood in front of Helen. One by one, she ran through each color, placing it side-by-side with her friend's body.
"Hmm..." Leni murmured to herself. First she tried orange. Nope. That blended too well with her skin and her hair needed a greater contrast.
Next there was red. Red was a strong, bold color. But after placing it side by side, Leni realized it didn't characterize her friend. Red was for people who showed their strength through passionate, outward gestures. Helen could be quite the hugger at times, but that wasn't what made her strong.
She channeled her strength through her gentle demeanor and overall serenity. Naturally, Leni pulled out the yellow next. After lining it up, Leni realized it was good as golden.
But was that it? Helen probably needed another color to go with that. Luckily, there was one compliment that immediately jumped out to the designer. Leni flopped through her pieces of fabric and pulled out the purple. Yes, she thought. Those two went together like peanut butter and sauerkraut (Linky would be proud).
Leni silently went back to her desk and got out the rest of the purple and yellow rolls from her desk. Now that she knew the colors, it was time to form the shape.
"So," Leni said eagerly as she snatched a pencil and paper, "what would you like on your dress?"
"I dunno," Helen said, shrugging.
Not the answer Leni was hoping for. Then again, she should have expected such ambivalence in the years she has known this perfect friend. No, not ambivalence. Fear. Poor Helen didn't feel empowered, the need to voice her desires. That was the key, Leni told herself.
"You can have anything you want," Leni expressed, wavingher arm across the width of of her body, "diamonds, sequins, streams of purple running along the shoulders. All you have to do is say it!"
Helen, though, remained unfazed. Clearly, Leni wasn't doing her job. Did she insult her, scare her into submission? Oh no, she thought. Leni knew this was a mistake. All she did was make things more uncomfortable for her friend. Helen didn't like being put on the spot like this. Leni had already asked too much by dragging her to the House.
"Don't be sad," Leni said, the enjoyment in her voice evaporating, "I just wanna make you happy. I want you to have a dress that's gonna make you and everyone else stand up and cheer. And then everyone will see how special you are."
Sure, it was repetitive. Leni sensed that same pitch creeping its way into those recycled words. But she meant it. She had a feeling that Helen would enjoy this, that the exposure would make her more confident and allow others to admire her. All these years, Helen had been extremely generous, always giving her time and patience towards a heap of garbage. Now, maybe it was time for the trash can to do something meaningful back.
"Okay," Helen said. She awkwardly shifted herself along the edge of the bed. Leni, meanwhile, anticipated this long-awaited response, "I like having purple and yellow. So...maybe some purple sleeves would be nice," she gestured towards her arms, "and the rest of the dress could be yellow."
Leni eagerly sketched the design on the paper. Her drawing wasn't as refined as her sewing, but Leni was able to form a coherent picture. She even included some cute bunches in the shoulder blades.
"Anything else?" Leni asked.
"Hmm," Helen said as she slowly brought her hand up. At first, Leni thought it was gonna reach the chin, which was something Lisa did when she was thinking. But as it turned out, Helen paused midway, leaving her hand etched in the open space.
"That should be enough," Helen said, "you can choose whether to add stuff or not."
"Okay!"
Leni didn't mind. The fact that she got the amount she did was too much. Her friend really was going all out in generosity. And since she already knew her friend's measurements, Leni could get straight to work.
She swiveled back to the machine and pulled out the yellow fabric. Leni stretches out the roll, approximating how much space it was filling up. It was then that she remembered her tape measure and scissors (both of which were still in the drawer).
"So, what's new?" Leni asked as she dig into that pesky drawer.
"Nothing much," she heard Helen say.
"Did you catch the new episode?"
"Yes."
Just what she needed. Leni got excited as she pulled out each of her tools. Recollections of the material came flooding back, providing her with all the fodder she needed.
"So," Leni said excitedly, "what did you think?"
"I liked it."
"Me too!"
Leni up the spread to the appropriate marker on her tape measure. With a stroke of confidence, she cut along the fabric, leaving behind a hefty piece apart from the roll. As the roll fell the ground, Leni laid out the giant piece she set aside, allowing it to cover the desk.
This was a lot of fabric, she thought. Leni grasped the edge of it and for once, she stopped to think. Was this enough? Even with her measuring tape, the designer was at a loss of words. A little help wouldn't have hurt, especially from the one who's gonna be wearing the dress.
Leni swiveled back over and faced Helen. The fabric hung over Leni's body like a bright yellow curtain.
"Is this enough yellow?" Leni asked, "will this fit you?"
"Um..." Helen said softly. Her voice fell before another word could escape. Leni had thought her ears turned off. Why couldn't she make out the next part?
And then it occurred to her that she had never bothered to do Helen's measurements. Leni was tempted to face palm from her own obliviousness. She had the pesky tape measure, notepad, and a pencil just sitting on her desk. It was a typical case for her.
Leni jumped to her feet, surprising Helen.
"Is it okay if I, like, use the tape measure on you?" Leni blurted out.
"Okay," was all she could hear.
Helen plopped herself off the bed. She straightened her back as much as her body would allow. For the moment, her hands decided to interact with each other. Fingers met and clashed against other fingers.
Leni, meanwhile, got to work. She still couldn't believe she forgot to do this earlier. Last year, when she had made that dress, she never even thought of giving Helen measurements before. Leni just assumed that the dress was the right size no matter who ended up wearing it. Sure, she didn't end up wearing it, but Leni knew that was just another excuse. She really was a fountain full of those.
First, Leni went to the waist. She wrapped the tape measure along Helen's shirt, using her fingers to carefully line it up. It took a little more time than she would have liked, but Leni did get a precise number. Pressing her thumb over it, she reached for her notepad and scribbled it down.
Helen didn't move at all during any of it. Was this just her way of being polite? Why would she be like that? Leni pondered the question. Well, it did make it easier for her to make the measurements (and perhaps Helen was granting her that). But she wasn't even talking. And with each passing second, Leni was starting to think that her hearing wasn't failing.
Then she made the connection. The fabric, the poorly worded question, the measurements.
"O! M! Gosh!" Leni exclaimed as she dropped everything. She couldn't help it, her hands slapped against her cheeks, trying to inflict the most bitter sting.
Before any sensation could register, Leni shot up and wrapped Helen in suffocating embrace. Her arms pulled, trying to emote as much remorse as her deficient self could.
"I'm sorry," Leni said. She wasn't allowed to rest her chin on Helen's shoulder. She had long since lost that privilege. It was very likely to make Helen feel even more insulted than she already had. Poor thing.
"What are you talking about?" Helen asked.
How kind of Helen. Even in the moment when she was more than right to be angry, she still assumed this "innocence", an excuse for Leni to weasel out of her own wrongdoing. Leni knew that was wrong. She wasn't gonna pretend nothing happened.
"I made you feel fat," she replied, tightening the hug, "I'm sorry! You're perfect just the way you are. You're beautiful and I never ever want you to feel awful about yourself. I'm sorry!"
"It's okay," Helen said softly.
"No it's not!"
Leni squeezed even tighter. She wanted to make the message clear, that this was unacceptable, unforgivable. The voice needed to come out in some way, to tell Helen how precious she was. She would have kept squeezing had she not felt a tap on her shoulder. It must have been Helen. Naturally, the shudder on the shoulder caused her to reel back and survey the damage.
No tears. No blushing. Those were vital signs. But aside from those, nothing else looked assuring. Helen's eyes carried an intense weight over them. Just like that, Leni's fledgling spirits deflated. The hug wasn't tight enough.
"Leni," Helen said, her voice still precarious, "It's alright. I'm fine."
"But...what about..."
"You didn't mean to say that," Helen responded, taking her hand off Leni's shoulder, "you just want to make me look good."
Leni was tempted to jump in. She knew it was just another excuse. Excuses never made anything better, especially not in her case. Instead, the words were slow to come to her mouth. She stared at Helen's face. Deep down, did Helen even still like her? Was their relationship one among equals or was Helen merely tolerating her?
"I'm sorry," Leni repeated, her head lowering.
"It's alright."
There it was again. At this point, she was really testing Helen's patience. Any moment now, the peaceful girl would drop all pretenses and explode on her, labeling her in all the right ways. Helen would storm out and her family would wonder what happened. And then they would say "typical Leni". Of course, none of that has happened and there was still a selfish hope that Leni could save herself.
Leni shuddered as she took a shaky breath.
"You don't have to be my friend anymore," she said sadly. Leni's neck threatened to crumble under the immense weight, "you deserve much better."
Her tight lips pressed against each other. This was what she was supposed to say, to give Helen a chance to find someone that she would actually enjoy. Of course, Leni adored Helen. They liked a lot of the same things and she made going to schooo fun. Who cares how Leni felt herself? All that mattered was that Helen was happy.
"Leni, it's okay," she heard Helen say. Leni couldn't bring herself to look at her, "I really am fine. I like hanging out with you and you're the best friend I can ask for."
Oh no. For the longest time, Leni didn't want to believe it. She wanted to pretend that it was nothing more than a delusion, something her twisted mind would cook up in her nightmares. But it had come true.
Leni's eyes widened in the purest form of horror, making her glad Helen couldn't see.
Helen, the kindest girl she knew, had been tricked. All these years of foolish antics mixed with the eternal prison of civility had finally molded Helen into a zombie. The poor thing was so battered down from this nonsense that she now thought that this was the best she could get. And all because of Leni's dishonesty.
Leni couldn't bear to look at herself (making her glad the carpet didn't have a mirror). The shame was bitter and painful. But she refused to cry. Crying only made problems worse. In fact, Leni was breaking the rules by being stuck in this paralysis.
"Leni," she heard Helen say. Her pupils shrunk. She realized that's even now, she was already taking too long, "Are you o-"
"Back to work!" Leni exclaimed. Her back shot up and she raced to the sewing machine. Aside from the fabric, all the materials were strewn on the ground, but Leni didn't mind.
Leni planted her foot on the pedal and got to work. Jamming the yellow fabric under the presser, she proceeded forward, blotting out the obnoxious ruckus the machine produced.
"Dress. You gotta make the dress. Don't stop now. You've already wasted enough time."
She finished the first corner in record time. Leni had every intention to turn to the next side with lightning fast reflexes. Silly of her to think that, though. Her butter-like hands fumbled the fabric, crumpling the corner in her pathetic effort to turn the mass. Well, she was getting worse now. Fantastic. First she lost her friend, and now the only thing that made her even remotely valuable. Nothing a little polish can fix. It'll just have to stay there, like a mud stain.
Now, the machine was lagging. To play catch-up, Leni dragged the fabric across the plate, but the presser was holding her back. Darn thing. She should have known better.
Maybe it was just time to move on to the purple. Yeah, that was likely gonna be the time-consuming part.
"So how is everything?" Leni asked as she scrambled to unravel the purple fabric.
"Umm...fine," she heard.
"Great!"
Was that gonna be the extent of their interaction? This was Helen. There was no way she deserved to sit in boredom while watching Leni throw together a sloppy dress. But what? What could the two talk about while she "worked"? Her mind slowly produced fragments of topics concerning them. High school seniors, soon to be adults, on to other things (in theory).
"How's college?" Leni asked as she realized the scissors were still on the floor. Now was her chance to once again assess the situation.
Her eyes fell first on all her supplies on the floor. She remembered that she had never finished Helen's measurements, but that was alright. Helen didn't need to endure more pain than she already has.
"It's good," Helen said.
And then, Leni's eyes inevitably wandered up. There was a spark in her (however pathetic it was) that she would see a happy face. Please, Leni told herself. She was really trying to fix this situation. All she wanted was for Helen to be free of pain, to be in her naturally peaceful self. If she got that, then nothing else mattered. And she meant it.
But alas, there was no smile on that adorably chubby face. All Leni saw were those eyes. They eerily reminded her of when Lori was going off to school, as if her big sister reached out and told her everything. Perhaps it was because of the bed Helen was sitting on. It was weird, but it was no less effective seeing it from her "friend". What did this signify? Maybe Helen was finally learning to express herself without fear of retribution (which never would have come from Leni).
"What about you?" Helen asked.
"Well...good," Leni said softly.
Well thankfully, there's college. Leni knew that Helen wasn't applying to any of the schools that she was (none of them had fashion design programs). Leni was forced to admit to herself that Helen never really liked her. Who could? Today was a clear indication that even with Helen, she was nothing more than an obligation. Why else would she have to come to her House? Why else would she not look offended at a clear cut insult? Why else would she stay even after all of this?
Leni's head sank again. It was time for her to shut up and go back to work. She had a lot of catching up to do.
All Leni could hope now was that she didn't lose her friend. For once, Leni was nervous to arrive at school, part from her sisters, and face that lonely hallway. What if Helen wasn't there? What if she just wanted to be left alone?
Once inside, Leni's step slowed until she was practically shuffling down the hall.
This was ridiculous, she told herself. Helen was her friend. It wasn't like she ever got mad or anything. Leni shivered as she saw the image of Helen crying. She prayed that she would never have to see that. Helen was too cute to be sad. Still, Leni felt a snag pull at her hair, preventing her from moving forward.
Something told her that this was just a delusion, a selfish desire to prop up her hopes. And for what? So that she could go around hurting Helen some more?
Maybe the girl needed some space. Leni halted entirely as the thought entered her head.
On one hand, Helen was probably mad at her and wanted a little time to herself. But on the other hand, Leni knew she didn't want to be feeling these obligatory notions. She knew it was good for her to feel so terrible, however there was only so much she could take. Perhaps Leni could take her mind off the matter.
And with that, Leni turned around and paced in the opposite direction. All she needed was one lap around the school to cool off, to clear her mind of this bitterness. That way, there was a chance that her meeting with Helen would at least be an improvement.
As Leni made her way up the first hallway, she inevitably passed pockets of classmates socializing against the lockers, on the ground, or wherever else they could congregate. Some of them were as dependent on their coffee as her sisters while others were full of life, chuckling at every one-liner hurled towards them.
It sure was great to be someone with friends, she thought. Along with her persistent strides up the corridors, Leni's mind was racing along its own monologue.
Friends were nice, caring, and talented. They gave things to each other, laughed, and wanted to be around each other (not just one party, but both of them).
Towards the end of the Hall, Leni spotted a fellow classmate approaching from the other direction. It was a narrow space, meaning that only one person could pass through at a time. Leni, naturally, continued plowing ahead like an old monster truck. The other person seemed content to move at her own pace.
What she didn't anticipate, however, was the fact that they arrived at the bottleneck at the same moment. There they were, face to face. The other girl stared blankly at her trying to maneuver her way around. Leni couldn't help but shift her body in the same direction, thus preventing either person from making much progress. It was only the girl's quick reflexes that allowed her to work her way around.
"Sorry about that," the girl said as she passed by.
Before Leni could reply, the girl had already moved on. Leni was left standing in the bottleneck alone, thinking about all the ways that scene could have played out differently. They could have seamlessly passed by each other (like how most such situations are). Leni could have slowed down, yielding the girl the right of way. At the very least, Leni could have said "hi". Who knows what she was going through? That girl may have just had the worst piece of news dumped on her plate (her boyfriend broke up or she was preparing for a super hard test). And then there was Leni barging her way into her business like an uncivilized bore.
Nonetheless, Leni continued her walk with these "What if's" in mind.
The rest of her trip was her reflecting on that one episode, repeating the alternatives like an old VCR tape.
It was that same four attitude that brought her to where she started. She had wasted a solid ten minutes just walking around, being unproductive as usual. Leni glances down that familiar hallway.
She sighed.
Leni knew she was gonna have to face it at some point. She couldn't just keep dancing around it. She needed to let Helen know exactly how she felt. That way, when Helen decided to not be her friend anymore, she could at least know just how bad she had it. Leni bit her lips and proceeded down.
Sure enough, Helen was in her usual spot, on the floor pressed up against the wall.
"Hi," Leni said softly.
Helen looked up. Surprisingly, she looked normal. Those eyes appeared relieved, as if they managed to suppress her true feelings.
"Good morning," Helen answered. Leni shuddered from how warm it sounded. To her, it was like nothing happened.
And yet, despite her own discomfort, Leni was relieved to see Helen like this. Even if she was convinced she never really liked her, Leni always enjoyed her presence. She really was a sweetie pie. And for the moment, as long as she was there, she wanted it to stay that way.
Leni propped up a smile as she sat down. Perhaps for once they could talk about something completely detached from the Fashion Show (or anything else they brought up on that turbulent exchange). Luckily, Leni knew Helen well enough to quickly get her going.
"So, has Bailey given you new stuff yet?"
Mrs. Bailey was Helen's fantastic English teacher. Leni didn't have her, but her friend loved to talk about the stuff happening in her class. Not only did they read exciting novels (such as The Great Gatsby and Of Mice And Men), but Bailey had such a unique approach. Helen described it as a mixture of treasure hunter through the jungle and a kind, gentle mentor sitting with you in the park. Leni was pretty bummed out that she didn't get to go on field trips, but she was happy for her friend, that she could connect so well to another person.
"Yup," Helen said, "she wants us to make journals."
"Really?"
"She said that there have to be ten entries, about 250 words each," Helen explained, "they can be about anything that happened in our lives."
Leni's eyes widened.
"Anything?"
"Yes," Helen answered with a smile. She then hoisted her backpack on her lap, opening it with a harmonious zip. Helen dug through the pink pack while Leni waited, slightly on edge. Even her defective mind was starting to make terribly selfish assumptions, "Here it is!"
Helen handed Leni a piece of paper. On it was all the information Helen had given her on the project (plus some additional details). Leni never doubted her friend's honesty on these matters. Did something she say imply she had doubt about it?
"This is wonderful," Leni said, still smiling, "it sounds like totes fun."
"It does," Helen replied.
Was this gonna be it? Leni was aware that there were times where Helen gave excruciatingly brief answers. She had long since accepted that was who Helen is and never blamed her for it (the two of them were somewhat similar in that department). But now Leni was scratching for more information. Some of it was out of obligatory concern, some was a desperate effort to satisfy her toxic ego (couldn't she just be humble for once?)
"So," Leni said. She lingered on that syllable for several seconds, trying to give herself the words and confidence to follow through on this.
"Yes?" Helen asked.
She contemplated the question. It didn't matter how she worded it: she knew it was gonna be stupid. Helen might have scoffed or something, asking her why she would bother to know. It was like Leni was a crook, trying to claw her way into every part of this poor girl's life. But they already got the ball rolling. The silence was quickly mounting up, disrupting the flow with each quiet second. Leni knew she had no choice now.
"What were you, like, planning to write about" she asked.
Leni twiddled her thumbs as she awaited an answer. She already regretted asking the question, knowing how silly it sounded. Didn't she trust her friend to make a decent set of journal from her own experiences? If this was any indication, Leni didn't have confidence in Helen. It was the worst disposition to have. Helen was a sweet, kind, gentle soul, but also competent and creative. Leni should have known that her friend had it in her to craft something wonderful.
"Well I was thinking of making several entries," Helen answered. Miraculously, her voice was devoid of contempt (she really was too kind for her own good), "I was gonna make one about my parents, one on Mrs. Bailey, one about my love for English," she then turned and smiled at Leni, "and I was also gonna do one on you."
Her pupils shrunk until they were tiny dots.
"On me?" Leni asked, both shocked and unsurprised simultaneously.
"Of course," Helen said warmly, "You're my best friend. You made me open up, be more confident, and feel like I matter. If I didn't include you, then the journal would be missing something very important."
"Oh," was all Leni could say.
Not quite the answer she hoped for. Leni had hoped her "friend" would have finally moved on from this, that she could finally be happy.
But all she did was trap her even further. The happy demeanor, those gentle eyes. They were no more than a cage, one borne of pity.
As she held up her smile, Leni forced herself to continue. No need to make things worse for poor Helen's strained serenity.