Cotton. White, fluffy, and squishy. It was common enough in clothes, but Leni knew she had to include it in this special project. On one hand, it was like the snowflakes gently falling from the sky. But it was also a clear representation of her one brother: Linky. Tomorrow was his twelfth birthday and Leni knew she needed to go all out for him. Not only was twelve a big number, but this was potentially the last birthday she would be around for.
Between school and preparing for the Spring Show, Leni's schedule was pretty packed. Her bedroom had practically turned into its own factory, producing one article of clothing after another until she lost track of who the recipient was. But this was one project she knew had to be done for tomorrow specifically. This, along with Helen's dress, was the project of the year for her.
And there, at around ten at night with the desk lamp serving as the only source of light, Leni had completed it. Turning off the sewing machine, Leni pulled it out and examined it. A long, orange, cotton scarf just for Linky.
It was gonna be winter for quite a while, so what better gift to give than something to fight the cold. Leni had designed it to be comfy, toasty, and stylish all at the same time. Such a balance was incredibly difficult to assemble, especially on a tight budget. This project required more brainpower and creative juice than any elaborate dress or outfit Leni had designed before.
In the end, that may have been the point. The care and effort was packed into every stitch, leaving behind a fantastic sheen that other products lacked. And the cotton? Well, she didn't know much about this brand, but Leni knew two things. It was more "high-quality" and it contained the perfect shade of orange. Sure she had to save up her allowance for two months, but it was worth it. Every last piece of it was worth it.
"Snow day!" She heard someone shout from the hallway (from the sound of it, she assumed it was Lynn).
Leni glanced out the window. Thousands of white pellets pounded the House and everything around it. They swarmed in every conceivable direction, as if the sucky thingy had been put on backwards. No wonder they were saying that. At this rate, the snow was gonna be up to her waist by the morning.
Well, at least everyone will be home for Linky's special day. She could give her gift nice and early and they could all spend the day together hanging out. Just imagining that was simply marvelous.
Now, with the concern of school out of the way (and of sewing), Leni switched off the lamp, blackening out most of the room. The sole source of light came from the window. Grabbing the scarf, Leni took a seat on Lori's bed (she hoped she wouldn't mind).
Lights from the neighboring houses illuminated the vicinity, allowing Leni to watch the snow fall. Those flakes weren't roaring; they were dancing. Now that she had a better view, Leni saw each of them move with a natural elegance that only this time of year could bring. What a perfect time for Linky to have arrived, with the snow on the ground and everyone together under a toasty roof. The only thing missing was a delicious mug of hot chocolate.
Nonetheless, Leni was content. She ran her gentle hand along the soft scarf as she continued gazing at twinkling cotton balls bounce their way to their family.
Winter tended to make everything toasty, even the blankets. Leni awoke within the cocoon, feeling her body sink into this tactile euphoria. If today were any other day, she might well have stayed in bed, feeling no benefit from leaving the tight warmth.
But today wasn't just another day. It was Linky's birthday, and that was the only cue she needed. Leni ripped her blankets off and bounced into the soft carpet. Of course, she loved all of her siblings and their birthdays were all days to celebrate. Today just happened to be Linky's special day, so it had to be all about them. Everyone else recognized it, so she had no excuse to forget.
Peeking out the window was only further relief of the snow day. The ground was flooded with fresh white snow and massive pellets pelted the surroundings. No plow trucks were in sight, but even if they did run past the street, their work would have been quickly wiped out with the heavy downfall. Getting to school, work, or anywhere else was a task not worth attempting.
But today wasn't about what was outside. Today was a Loud House celebration and no inclement weather was gonna get its chilly, slushy way. With a hop in her step, Leni snatched the orange scarf and paced down the hall. With each step, her smile grew wider and wider. He was gonna love it, she told herself. It was just the right color, texture, length, width, and however else one could judge a scarf.
Leni pounded on his bedroom door. The motion became rhythmic, with one harmonious bear after another. But with each successive knock, she slowly realized that it wasn't opening. Maybe he just couldn't hear her. Leni told herself that if she kept knocking, then eventually Linky would emerge. Instead, she was left to the pointless task.
"Hey sis."
Leni turned around and saw Luna standing in the hall.
"Lincoln's already up," Luna explained, "he's downstairs if you wanna see him."
"Thanks Luna," Leni said cheerfully.
She paced down the stairs while the scarf flew against the wind like a flag. Before she knew it, she was in the foyer. For her, it must have been a personal record. Usually, she walked or stumbled down the stairs, but she deliberately rolled the steps one right after another. Indeed, she saw all the familiar sights: the front door, the lonely pairs of shoes propped up against the wall, the keys to Vanzilla resting on one of the rings of the coat rack. Yup, she was downstairs.
Leni looped alongside the wall, leading her into the kitchen. Lincoln was sitting with several of his younger sisters at the table while Mom and Dad were busy with the various appliances. He was enjoying a delicious stack of pancakes, which was simply fantastic. She hoped to make it even better.
"Happy Birthday!" Leni exclaimed.
Lincoln gazed up from his delicious meal. He was clearly in the middle of chewing down a morsel, yet his puffy cheeks appeared elated. Not to mention, his firms lips were curled upwards.
"Thanks Leni," he said, the words garbled from the food.
Good. He was happy, she thought. No, nothing was gonna ruin this day. In fact, if she started working now, it would go down as great.
First, she needed a seat. Her five younger sisters took up all the chairs in the kitchen table. Of course, she could just take one from the dining room, but that would have taken a while. Plus, the six were pretty bunched up against each other (to sit would have required a tight squeeze. So, she decided to stand. Standing was good, after all.
"So," Leni said excitedly, leaning in towards Linky, "how do you feel?"
"Pretty good. Thanks for asking," he answered kindly.
"Great! Because I have something for you!"
Leni whipped the cotton scarf forward, its tail landing in the middle of the table.
"Ta da!" Leni said, flourishing her hand.
She stared at her own work. Now that it was presented under a full light, Leni was able to relax. The scarf still looked good with its vibrant color and neat stitching. It was nice knowing there was still a little something left in that brain of her's.
"Thanks Leni," she heard her brother say. A small hand reached forward and grasped the scarf's soft surface. Her own grip felt the downward tug, much like a director yanking at a stage curtain. Understanding the cue, Leni clasped her hand open, allowing the rest of the article to fall on the table. By now, Linky's hand was enveloped by the material. Was it warm, she asked herself.
Before she could think of an answer, Linky lifted the whole mass and wrapped it around his neck. Leni wasn't prepared for the sight. The orange tails hung off his shoulders while the midsection snugged comfortably around his neck. She wished she had her phone on her, lamenting the fact that it was still in her room. He was so precious that she wanted to hug him like a stuffed animal.
Leni watched as her brother finished his breakfast. Much of the chatter was amongst her younger siblings, cracking jokes at each other while asking about the snow day.
"Sorry kids," Lynn Sr said upon hearing one of Lana's inquiries, "the snow is coming down really hard. It's not safe to go outside and play."
"Aww man," Lana whined.
"That's okay," Lincoln replied, "there's plenty of stuff to do in here. Wanna watch TV?"
Lana's face immediately brightened up.
"You read my mind, big bro."
Leni watched as the brother and sister cleared away their plates and headed into the living room. She then turned to the remaining younger sisters. Each of them were still eating their breakfast.
"Wanna sit down, honey?"
She turned and saw Mom right behind here with an affectionate smile accompanying the mixing bowl in her hand.
Obliging, Leni took the same seat Linky occupied. It was still warm. She looked around, watching the others devour their delicious pancake breakfast. Without a plate of her own, Leni plopped her hands on the table. She tapped her left hand against the surface. Then her right. The sounds they made were heavy, full, and beat-like. Next, she tried her fingers. Leni tapped all the fingers on her left hand in rapid succession. The sounds pelleted rapid-fire. It wasn't as noisy, but that also meant not as disruptive. Plus, it was kinda fun.
Leni kept running her fingers through this successive movement. She occasionally earned some glances from her sisters, but no one spoke up. Leni saw that as a ticket to continue. The rhymtic motion was entertaining and soothing. It felt right.
But then it hit her. Her little sisters were people too. They at least deserved some attention, even if they weren't talking.
"What's new everyone?" Leni asked.
All of them were still chewing. That's okay. Leni was always willing to wait for others, even if they could barely keep their composure waiting for her. Luckily for her, it wasn't too long before they downed their delicious delicacy.
"Penelope switched to a new conditioner and I'm mad," Lola said bitterly, "she thinks she can make her hair brighter and more sparkly than mine! Well," she banged her fist on the table while flashing her open palm through her gorgeous blonde locks, "we'll just see about that."
"Mother and Father have declined my request to visit the lab today on account of the inclement weather," Lisa said. The little girl sighed, "It's occasions like these where I wished they allowed me to store equipment in my bedroom."
"Haiku was gonna come over to help me get in contact with her grandmother," Lucy said gravely, "But I guess Mother Nature had other plans. Sigh."
"Poo Poo," Lily said as she stuffed her face with baby food.
"Oh," Leni said.
Was that gonna be it, the final word before the group fell back into silence. She was the "oldest" for crying out loud, Leni knew she needed to think of something to say. But what? Words were something she always struggled with and even now, the skill didn't come any easier. Luckily, she remembered that she was sitting in a very particular seat.
"Look on the bright side," Leni chirped, raising her hands to make it seem like she was confident, "Now we can all be together on Linky's birthday!"
"Okay," Lola said.
Now was it. Each of her younger sisters finished eating and cleared out one at a time. Leni, though, remained seated, quietly watching each of them file out. Weren't they happy to be around her? Or maybe they wanted to spend their time with the birthday boy. Indeed, Leni watched each one walk into the living room, where she knew Linky and Lana were. Yeah, she told herself. They were there to do something special.
That was good, she thought to herself.
"Here you go, sweetie," Mom said as she lowered a plate of pancakes in front of Leni.
"Thanks Mom," Leni replied warmly.
She picked up the accompanying fork and dug in. The stack had already been sliced into small square pieces. Leni did appreciate the convenience, given how she was able to slide a safe amount of food straight into her mouth. At this point, she already accepted that her parents would do this for her. After all, how could anyone trust her with a knife?
No matter, Leni didn't want her stupid mind to ruin this. Today wasn't supposed to be about her anyway.
She gobbled up the yummy pancakes and handed the empty plate back to her Mom. By this point, Dad had slipped out of the kitchen.
"Thanks, honey," Rita said, taking it.
Leni got up from the chair and watched her Mom slide the tainted plate into the sink. It was from that sad, lonely sight that she got an idea.
"Say Mom," Leni said.
"Yes?"
Now she had her ear. It was too late to back out of this now. Sure she was quick to act upon this impulse, but thus far, Leni hadn't told herself she was wrong. Besides, it was all for the good.
"I can do the dishes if you want," Leni said. Her lips curled into a grip. As her voice lifted, she found it remarkable how it also sounded more confident, "everyone else is in there with Linky and I want you to spend some time with him."
"Are you sure, honey? There's a lot of dishes here?"
The smile boldened. That was exactly the reason Mom should step aside. The poor woman had been through so much this morning from making three pancakes to cutting them up for her.
"I got it, Mom," Leni said. Just to hammer in the point, she approached the sink and stopped right beside Mom. She spotted a sponge pressed up against a wall. Perfect. Leni grasped the moist, prickly sponge along with the plate she had used and scrubbed it. As she rubbed, the maple syrup got smeared across the entire plate's area. Realizing this, she flipped on the faucet and ran the plate under her water. Like magic, the syrup fell off the porcelain down the drain.
Leni turned to her Mom as she gave the plate another scrubbing. She couldn't tel if she were happy, appreciative, or disappointed. Regardless, Leni recognizes she was gonna have to work a lot harder to get al this done.
"Well, okay honey," Mom said. She grabbed a plate and headed to the dishwasher. Mom pulled down the door, revealing the special compartment, "If you can, put them all in here. I can go back later and put in the detergent."
"I can do that too!"
Leni lowered her head, focusing on the cabinets beneath the sink. She hunched down and opened one of them. Where was that pesky detergent? What did it even look like? All this time, somebody else's had been put in charge of it. Leni gazed up and down, left to right, front and back, but all she noticed were various containers that bore little significance to her. Where was it?
"Here, honey," she heard her Mom say. The older woman hunched down beside Leni. Within seconds, she yanked out a bowl-shaped container.
Leni silently got back up and watched Mom take out a small, compact pod and place it in a small slot attached to the machine's door. She couldn't believe it. If it were that easy, Leni could have easily done it. Now, she was wasting Mom's time.
"Thanks Mom," Leni said, trying to play along.
"No problem," Rita said, smiling. Giving the dishwasher one last glance, Mom turned her body and headed out, "let me know if you have any questions."
"Okay!"
And then she was alone. Her Mom gave her the world in that moment, the world of the kitchen. All she had to do was her job.
Leni took another plate and scrubbed it. Once again, syrup and crumbs got smeared on the porcelain, refusing to come off. How did Mom make it all so nice and clean? She stared at the plate, wondering how. Leni knew there was a way. Perhaps some more scrubbing?
She proceeded to do that. Leni rubbed really hard, gritting her teeth at the scratching sound it produced. No matter Mom was so worn out. This was hard.
Before she could continue her woes, Leni's eyes rolled over to the dishwasher (which already had detergent inside). And just like that, she remembered what her Mom said. The dishwasher made cleaning dishes as slice of cake (it even cleaned the cake once you were done). No need for sponges after all.
Smiling at her clever observation, Leni dumped all the plates and utensils into the dishwasher. Jamming them all in there was a bit of a hurdle, given how some of the plates and bowls were very different shapes and sizes. But Leni wasn't gonna be deterred by that. If Mom could do it, then so could a lazy bum like her. Eventually, it all worked out and she gleefully slapped (or pushed) the door shut.
Wiping her hands at a job well done, Leni felt content. Maybe she wasn't so worthless after all. Or at least for the moment.
But just when she thought another idea wouldn't pop up, her eyes caught sight of a possibility. Leni thought about the scarf she made for her Linky. Sure it was something, but while she was wasting time in the kitchen, everyone was in there giving him the love he deserved.
Oh yes, that was most certainly chatter. And giggling too. All her sisters were actually spending time with her brother. And any moment now, they would roll out their gifts. Leni could already see it. Luna was gonna bust out a special birthday jam (which didn't need pancakes or taste to be good). Lynn probably got him a super cool boy gift that he would love. Before she knew it, Leni was overwhelmed with gifts and serenades. By the end, her dumb scarf was gonna be forgotten, pale from the sheer fanfare and jubilance of everyone else.
Leni, of course, loved all her sisters. If they were gonna go all out just for Linky, then they should. The important thing was that her brother was happy by the end. But their love wasn't gonna stop just because Leni came out and boasted her pathetic little gift. No, this wasn't jealously. Leni just needed to improve her own efforts.
And how?
Well, Mom and Dad already went ahead and baked a cake (which now safely rested in the fridge). Maybe she could impress her special little guy with her own delicacy. After all, she had the whole kitchen to herself. And after cake, the next best thing Leni thought of was cupcakes.
Her mouth watered just thinking of those yummy little treats. But they weren't for her. Oh no. Linky was gonna have some and so were all her family members. And it made perfect sense for a birthday. It even had "cake" in its name!
With her mind set, Leni got to work. The first thing she needed was a recipe. And she knew just where to find it. She went to one of the smaller cabinets, thinking it was the right one. Miraculously, it was. Leni gleefully pulled out a thick, hard-cover book and plopped it on the counter. Flipping through the book, she encountered all sorts of food. Turkey, "risotto", and even some foods that Dad taught her to make (like salmon). As she discovered, however, the desserts weren't until the last section of the book. Maybe fitting for a chef throwing a party, but not necessarily for her.
But at last, she found it. A "simple" recipe for cupcakes. Leni knew she wasn't smart or talented, but if she followed the directions, she could at least do some right.
"Preheat the oven to 370 degrees Fahrenheit."
"Preheat?" Leni wondered. But the cupcakes weren't ready yet. That was odd to put that step right at the beginning. Convinced of this, Leni went to the next step.
"Take 1/2 cup of soft butter and 3/4 cup of sugar and place them in bowl. Cream them until the mixture is light and fluffy. Beat eggs one at a time."
Well, it wasn't as she envisioned, but it at least sounded like a first step. Leni sucked under the sink and pulled out a big bowl, the same type she saw Mom and Dad use when making food. As she placed it on the counter, she went to the fridge and observed the contents. Sure enough, there was half a stick of butter left plus plenty of eggs. Leni gleefully grabbed the remaining portions while snagging one egg from the carton.
It was a shame they didn't have more. She was dealing with a pretty big cup (how could anyone fill it up halfway. And then an idea struck her. Leni took the butter and squished it at the bottom. After all, it was supposed to be "soft" and there was nothing soft about a stick that's been stuck in the refrigerator. Using her hands, she smeared butter all along the bottom of the bowl before clawing her fingers to pull parts of it up like Playdoh. Leni molded the butter along the rim, using the markers on the bowl to help her. Once she reached a red mark that seemed like halfway, she stopped and threw back her sticky hands. So that's how it was done, she figured. Well it must have been right, because otherwise, how would the egg and sugar fit inside?
She ran her hands under the faucet before seeking out the sugar. Luckily, she knew where that was too: perched in one of the upper cabinets. She had to get on her platforms to reach it, but no matter. Unlike the butter; there was a giant tub of sweet white sugar remaining. This was more than enough, she thought.
Leni tilted the lid of the jar and allowed the sugar to flow in. 3/4 was more than 1/2, so she knew to go past that's marker. Indeed, she did. By the time she finished, most of the bowl was filled with sugar. Leni realized it was a lot, but it made sense why there would be so much. Cupcakes taste sweet.
And then there was Mr. Egg. All alone there. Leni hated to see him face such a monstrous demise. But this was for the good, she told herself. This was gonna make Linky happy, and she couldn't say no to him.
Closing her eyes, she rammed the egg through the sea of sugar into the bottom of the bowl. She felt goo on her hands. It was over now. Mr. Egg was in a better place.
Leni took several deep breaths as she pulled out her sugar-egg lacked palm. It was for the good, she told herself. As she washed her hand off again, she read the next step.
"Add 2 cups of flour. Mix with 1/2 teaspoon of salt and 2 teaspoons of baking powder."
Leni raised an eyebrow. Flour? These were cupcakes, not a garden. Besides, all the ones in the garden were squished under the snow. Maybe cupcakes are made different in the winter. Salt? Cupcakes were supposed to be sweet, not bitter. Salt was the yuckiest thing someone could ever put in something as tasty as gooey, warm desserts. And teaspoons? That wasn't gonna be big enough to stir all this.
There was only one thing in the recipe that made sense. Soda! Not only was soda good on its own, but baking soda must have made it super duper yummy. Leni licked her lips as she searched for the baking soda. It had to be around there somewhere. She had seen Dad use it before and it was in a yellow box.
Eventually, she stumbled upon it in a lonely corner of the lower cabinet. The box looked so sad and lonely. No matter, it was about to be in the bestest, tastiest set of cupcakes ever. Leni yanked it out and dumped an unobserved quantity of the stuff into the mix.
Now that she had all her ingredients, it was time to turn it into yummy batter. At this point, Leni shut the book. She knew what to do.
She scanner around and pulled out a long wooden spoon and a metal cupcake tray. As she slapped the latter on the counter next to the lying box of baking soda (it deserved to be out in the open so it could be happy) and jammed to former into the bowl. By now, the big bowl was mostly filled with soft-ish stuff. Leni smiled as she started stirring it.
It was a tough grind. Leni pushed and pushed and pushed, but it was like driving the instrument through a sand box. She told herself she had to do this somehow. Poor Mom and Dad now looked even better. They had arms of steel.
Miraculously, the mixture gradually smoothed out. When applying the same amount of effort, Leni found herself spinning the spoon faster and faster. Not only that, but the colors were coming together into a "rich" dark tan. These were gonna be strong vanilla cupcakes, she told herself. And as the batter became more and more like liquid, she felt her smile grow wider and wider.
At last, the hard part was over. Leni took the spoon out of the massive bowl (which by now was up to the brim with batter), which dripped with some of the substance. That color was so rich, her mouth watered. There was nothing wrong with one little taste. Right?
No, Leni told herself. These were for Linky and his perfect family members. She wasn't allowed to have any. One taste was all it took the taint the whole product. It wouldn't be special anymore.
As she dumped the spoon in the sink, Leni proceeded to pour the batter into the tray. Twelve tiny holes, just enough for every recipient. Perfect. It was a shame that her careless hand caused some of the batter to drip on the ridges between the openings. Even after filling each of them, there was an excess. Some of it dripped over the edge while several splotches were on the wrong part within the tray. Thankfully, though, most of it remained in the bowl.
Extra, she thought. Her sweetheart nearly got the better of her. This tray she had would only be one round. And given how much batter she had left over, there were inevitably gonna be more than twelve (or how ever much they were all willing to eat). But Leni shot down the thought. No way. If she was gonna waste that much ingredients to make cupcakes, then she deserved to pay the price.
The trial of time began now. Leni popped the oven door open and slid in the tray. As she gently closed it, Leni utilized her memories of Dad in the kitchen to figure out how to turn it on. It was as easy as switching a notch. Sure enough, a right turn was all that was needed to flip the oven's interior light on. Now, she was in business.
Leni sighed in relief. Soon, everything would be both toasty and yummy. The sweet temptations once again reared their ugly head. Leni gazed at the oven. That had to be the culprit. Its hard, metal nature didn't care what happened. If it wanted to tell Leni to gobble all the cupcakes herself, it was gonna have a pretty seductive argument.
She had to get away, Leni told herself. It was the only way to keep the cupcakes safe.
Without a moment's hesitation, Leni raced out into the living room, where was greeted by a different temptation. This one was far more pleasant to deal with. Her ten siblings and two parents were all huddled around the couch engaged in light conversation. Leni was allowed to participate in this. She thought.
"Hey Leni," Linky exclaimed. The precious thing was on the couch. As he swung around to reveal his beaming face, the two tails of the orange scarf flung to his shoulders. Leni prayed that someone already took a picture (or eleven). "Gorg" didn't begin to describe. Neither did "totes cute". In fact, there wasn't a single word Leni's limited vocabulary could produce that did justice to this moment.
"Hi Linky!" Leni exclaimed, waving her hand.
"You're just in time for Luna's performance," he said as she got closer. It was then that she noticed the acoustic guitar strapped around her younger sister's back.
The question, though, was where to sit. All the spots on the couch were taken and the younger sisters huddled on the ground, using the couch to support their backs. But there was no one behind the couch. Perfect. She could just stand and watch Luna. That way, everyone could see and appreciate their sister.
As she approached that wall-like structure, Luna took center "stage". She strummed out a few chords and twisted those metal thingies at the edge. As if by magic, the pitch changed even though Luna was hitting the same strings.
"Every day we all get together
When outside it's as cold as ice.
But here inside its warm as a pie
Its all in you and we want a slice."
Luna gleefully jammed out several bars of groovy chords before continuing.
"It's your birthday Lincoln!
Heres a special time to our only brother.
It's your birthday Lincoln!
This is a special time 'cuz we love each other."
The song continued for several more verses, interspliced with a repetition of that jamming chorus. Leni, of course, was enthralled by it. It was when she heard it when her own ears where she remembered just how good Luna was as a musician. In fact, she bet that she would be even better than Mick Swagger.
"Thank you," Luna said as she took a cheerful bow.
The room exploded with applause. Leni's smile was so wide, she couldn't keep her lower jaw. For once, she didn't care what others thought about her dental hygiene. Luna had delivered a perfect gift for a perfect boy. In fact, Linky got up to embrace her sister despite the strapped on guitar getting in the way.
"Alright," a lispy voice rang out, "Now, Funny Business Presents: Birthday Blast!"
Luan jumped to center "stage" with that trademark beaver grin. Just priceless, Leni thought.
"Well, looks like you be stuck with me for the next few minutes. There's snow way out of this one!"
Leni, of course, chuckled at the pun, but to her glee, everyone else was laughing to. Maybe they were starting to see just how talented Luan really was.
"Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?" Luan quipped "The lettuce was a head but the tomato was trying to ketchup."
The room exploded in easygoing laughter. This was just the place Leni wanted to be in. In the moment, everyone seemed to tolerate her presence and Linky was having the time of his life.
After several minutes of rapid-fire jokes, Luan took her seat, giving her younger brother a hug.
"Alright!" Lynn exclaimed despite remaining in her seat. Leni peered around to make sure that everything was alright with her sporty younger sister. Sporting her usual smug grin, she pulled out several small cardboard boxes bound together by a rubber band, "Now I think we should play a nice, relaxing card game. Go fish!"
Linky couldn't help but chuckle.
"It seems to me like you're goin' soft," he said smugly.
"Dont be fooled, bro," she shot back, nudging his arm, "just because it's your b-day doesn't mean I'm gonna go easy on you."
"We'll see about that!"
Lynn jumped up and pointed at the edges of the couch. Her cute teeth were clenched together (not angrily) but kinda like when a super cool girl is about to do something 'rad' or awesome or whatever kids like Lynn Jr called it.
"And that goes for all of you!"
"Are you sure there'll be enough cards for everyone?" Dad asked.
"Don't worry! It's a card game. And using my allowance, I went out and bought several packs so that there's enough for everyone."
It took about the length of Luna's song to distribute all the cards. Even though each Loud only got three cards, there was inevitably some cheerful debate regarding who got what card. Whenever someone got an ace, everyone eruptor at Lynn (the dealer) for doing someone else a solid. But as far as Leni could tell, it was all in good fun. Within seconds, the belligerents had resolved their conflict through chuckling. Leni, of course, did her best to not see anyone else's cards (they deserved their privacy after all).
And then there was the game itself. Leni didn't quite catch what the end goal was, but she had learned from Linky that "go fish" didn't mean run out and actually catch salmon out of the river. All it meant was that she didn't have any cards with the number Lucy gave her. That was simple enough.
She did gradually learn that there was a way to make others lose cards. When someone got the guess right, the guesser got to snatch the card right from the victim's hands. When you ran out of cards, you were out of the game (as Leni found out the hard way).
Time ceases to matter. Everyone was chatting it up, whether it was covert strategizing among roommates or fighting over supposed lying. Leni didn't seem to mind. Even though she was in the room, everyone was able to remain calm and jubilant. Smiles of all shapes and sizes emerged among the familial mirage before her. Leni liked this. It made her feel a part of something.
Eventually, the players narrowed down to Lynn and Linky. Both of them stared intensely at each other. Even after this whole game, Linky was still wearing the scarf snuggly around his neck.
"Got any 6's?" Lynn quipped.
"Go fish," Linky shot back as she raised an eyebrow, "Any 7's?"
"That's half my cards," she said, her voice never changing from that intense, competitive tone. The player casually slipped the cards to Linky.
"How about any 1's?"
What a great game, Leni thought. She knew that Lynn was family and she loved to win, But today was Linky's birthday. He deserved to win. He had a right to just about anything.
How long had they been playing? It must have been a long time because Lisa went to the bathroom at least ten minutes ago (according to her "calculations"). All this time of intense immersion had done a total to her imagination as well. Apparently, it wasn't just crazy minutes flying by for her. She was starting to see things too, like the black fog in the doorway between the living room and kitchen. How appropriate for a showdown like this.
"I knew you had a 6, you little booger," Lynn joked.
"I did! And I knew that you were keeping that extra 7 with you," Linky shot back with the same fervor. As he spoke, the smoke darkened and seeped into the room, "and you thought I wouldn't notice. Well guess what, Sister. I g-"
Linky was interrupted by a piercing set of beeps. As they rang incessantly across the room, Leni was able to put everything together.
"That's me..."
Her fault. Leni realized she had completely forgot about her special cupcakes after sliding them in the oven. But in the midst of the external and internal chaos, Leni recognizes the gravity of the situation.
"I have to fix this!"
Leni bounced to her feet and raced into the kitchen. Indeed, the black smoke seeped through the oven door's cracks. She knew this was entirely her responsibility and that she had to solve it. But how?
In the heat of the moment, Leni remembered pieces of something her Dad had said. Something about baking soda.
Darting her eyes around the room, she quickly spotted the open box still on Thebes counter. How much of a saving grace that was.
Now, all she had to do was dump this stuff in the flames and it would extinguish them. That's what she thought she heard her Dad say, after all.
By now, though, she noticed other family members were filing into the room. Apparently, they too had noticed the smoke. Of course they would. They're much smarter than her. And at the forefront was Linky, racing towards her. The tails of the scarf swung with his body.
"Leni, don-"
"Dont worry Linky!" She exclaimed, "I'm gonna fix this."
"Don't open th-!"
"But I have to! I have to get it in!"
Linky was frantically bouncing by her side as she inches towards the flaming oven. But even with the building commotion and bodies racing towards her, that fire was much like Leni's determination. She wasn't gonna let anyone clean up the mess she made. This was on her and only her. The birthday boy deserved better than to be forced to deal with this emergency.
Grabbing the hot handle, Leni flung the door open. As she recoiled from the blaring heat, Linky shoved himself forward. As he got up to her, one of the scarf's tails swung into the oven like a pendulum. Leni watched in horror as the edge of the scarf caught fire.
Lincoln panicked as the flames quickly ate away at the cotton scarf. Leni was motionless as she watched the events transpire. A slam occurred beside her, but she was too paralyzed to be stunned.
In a frantic effort to rip the scarf off, Linky's right wrist accidentally touched the flame. He winced in pain, leaving the fire to continue its ravenous spread. Luckily, Mom was able to grab the scarf at the neck and untangle it. She slammed it on the ground and stomped on the flame. It took several hearty beats, but the fire was extinguished.
"Okay, if we keep the door shut then the flames in the oven will go out on their own," Dad explained, barely able to keep his temper in check, "But how did this happen?!"
"I haven't baked at all today," Mom explained.
"It wasn't me," Luan attested.
As the conflicted arguments continued, Leni couldn't help but stare at Linky. His left hand grasped the wrist. Her eyes became pinpoints. She caused that. Because of her, Linky got hurt on his special day.
She trembled. This was her fault. Without a doubt, no questions asked. Leni was the one who used the oven and forgot to keep track of the time. She was stupid enough to make the scarf long enough for it to catch fire. And then, she had the audacity to open the oven door and expose poor Linky to the flames. This was a Leni incident no matter how it was sliced.
Leni became lightheaded. This was beyond unforgivable. There was no turning back from this. She had no class, no respect, no kindness. Her fashion creations were safety hazards. She wanted to vomit.
"Told you were worthless."
"Linky's gonna hate you now!"
"No one will ever trust you again!"
"Did you really think you could do anything right?"
It was like every harsh critic in the world had descended upon her fertile mind for excavation. Time had frozen to a halt (and what a moment to do so). They were all screaming into her head, telling her what a bonehead she was, that now was the time to give up, that no one will forgive her.
"Young lady, were you the one making these?" She heard her Dad ask.
And just like that, Leni realized that every uncertainty she had of her own awfulness was now clear as day. She hyperventilated as she was forced to contend with this new reality. She was worthless and everyone knew it. The world around her was shrinking. Her own family members were staring at her, some expecting an explanation and others an affirmation of what they already thought. The weight piled on quickly. Too quickly.
Leni brought her fingers to her temples trying to grapple with this. She wanted to stay strong as usual, to keep it to herself. But here, even her ignorance couldn't keep others out of harm's way. Her Head shook even more as she pressed her fingers deeper into it. But nothing could have kept the dam together. Squeezing her eyes shut, Leni screamed. It blared over the other's commotion and the (still-beeping) fire alarm.
She had to get out. She wasn't welcome anymore. Seeing a clear path through the dining room, Leni bolted out, ignoring everything in her path. Nothing mattered anymore. She never mattered, nor should anyone else see her any other way. The last thing she heard as she jumped out in the snow was the door slamming shut.
"What just happened?"
All eyes turned to Lynn. The girl usually enjoyed being the center of attention, basking in all of its glory. But instead, her knees buckled as all eyes fell on her. Lynn felt as out of place as a ballerina on a football field.
Most of the family members were packed in the corridors leading into the kitchen, acting as recent arrivals. Most of them were silent. The question didn't need a verbal answer. They saw the various ingredients carelessly left out on the counter, the charred mess on the ground, the dull orange scarf with black along the tail, and the birthday boy with his father by his side, gritting his teeth to hold back painful tears.
"It's all Leni's fault," Lola sneered, folding her arms. Just like that, the astonished eyes shifted to her, "she wanted to make cupcakes! She should've kept track of it!"
"Even I know that you have to keep an eye on the time," Luan replied. Sure, she felt a little backlash in her throat, but it was truly in the top of her mind. Given the vast quantities of pies she bakes on a regular basis, Luan had developed the urge to discuss what should have been common sense.
"I am not surprised in the least," Lisa added as she readjusted her thick glasses, "Our second eldest sibling has displayed rather absentminded tendencies, a fact that is well-"
"That's enough," Lynn Sr interjected, raising a hand. Just like that, all discussion ceased, "None of this is helping. We will deal with Leni afterwards, but the blame game isn't gonna get us anywhere."
The room fell back to the uncomfortably familiar silence. The only noise in the room was the soft crunch as the cold water bag pressed on the burnt wrist. Lincoln hissed as he struggled to accept the stinging freeze. The spectators shifted their attention between the treatment and each other. Some figured that they ought to be doing something. But what? That was the difficult question that kept the feet planted in the exterior.
"I can help you," Lana eventually said, taking a courageous step forward.
"That's very kind of you, but I think I got it right now," Lynn Sr answered as he held the bag on the affected skin. Lana watched quietly as he worked on the area.
Rita gazed around the room. She too was frazzled from the quick succession of events. Underneath the obvious concern for her two babies was nearly every other emotion conceivable, all competing against each other in the battlefield known as her mind.
"Kids," she said shakily, "give Lincoln and your father some space. Go back to whatever you were doing."
Without protest, the eight sisters shuffled out of the room. Their lifeless faces were difficult for the mother to watch. Where was the lofty, carefree demeanor they usuallyvcarried? Rita tried to imagine it, praying that it would return soon.
Once they cleared out, there were only three. Lincoln winced each time the water bag was applied, but Rita was shocked from the boy's might. He pushed through without weeping or fidgeting, making it easier for Lynn Sr to work through the treatment. Of course, that didn't make it less painful for Lincoln. His face was tight and crunched up, as if he stuffed a whole lemon in his mouth. The boy's frame occasionally trembled, trying to keep it all in.
Rita approached her son and placed her hand on his shoulder. The shaking stopped immediately. Parts of Lincoln's cheeks loosened, as if his mother's hand was reassuring him, telling him it was gonna be alright. It was a tactic she had picked up from years on the job, working her way through eleven children. Her fourteen years as a dental assistant only expanded that skill, helping calm down anxious kids terrified of all the strange equipment.
But she knew she couldn't remain here forever. Rita felt horrible to let go and step back even before Lynn Sr had finished his job. However, taking a deep breath, she turned around.
"I'm going out to find Leni," Rita said bluntly.
Lynn Sr sighed as his head fell.
"Please do," he said sadly. Lincoln's eyes wandered, clearly uncomfortable to be in the middle of this mess, "she couldn't have gotten too far."
Rita nodded and paced to the foyer. Reaching into the small closet, she pulled out her white puffy winter coat. No time for gloves, boots, or hats. And scarves weren't a good idea. She zipped up it up and headed to the coat rack. The mother froze just inches before it. The keys were gone.
"Oh no..."
She jerked her body to the small windows attached to the front door. The heavy snowfall and fog on the glass made the sight blurry, but Rita knew it was just as she feared. The driveway lacked a massive, Vanzilla-shaped mound.
Her heart raced. This wasn't happening right now. None of it, not even the cupcakes. Rita had to control herself, tell herself that she was gonna solve this. That's what mothers did, after all.
She jammed her hand into her pocket and pulled out her phone. Rita punched in the number on the touch screen, too frantic to appreciate the fact her hands didn't have thick gloves. She shot the plastic device to her ear, tensely waiting through the rings.
"Please pick up. Please pick up."
The pause between each ring was unbearable. Why couldn't they design phones that sped up the whole process or at least got rid of that dreaded silence. Rita bit her tongue once she finally heard her daughter's angelic voice.
"Hi! This is Leni! Lori is, like, helping me make one of these thingies, so here I am!"
"Get to the point," she heard Lori mutter.
But by then, Rita's hopes sank. The color escape her cheeks, as if she were out in the storm freezing to death. Her hands shook.
Should she call the police? No. The kids didn't need to see those big bulky officers storming the House. As it was, they were already downtrodden. Besides, she thought of a more reasonable alternative. Rita forced her hand to sit still as she flipped through her contacts. She knew the number was somewhere. Luckily, it was still there, Her thumb slapped it, the phone shot to the ear, and it was back to dreaded pauses.
Rita prayed that she would pick up. Surely she must have her phone on her around this time. Someone had to.
"Hi Rita," a voice said on the other end.
"Jane, is Leni over there?" she asked. She fought every urge in her body to keep her voice controlled and level.
"No. Was she droppi-"
"She ran off and took the car with her," Rita interjected. By now, her fist was against her waist. It shook from sheer impatience. Regardless, she tried to sound calm, "I was wondering if I cou-"
"Say no more. I'm on my way."
The phone hung up before she could add anything. Rita spent a solid ten seconds staring at her phone screen. She knew the call was over and that help was coming. But maybe Leni would pick up any moment now, realize that her Mom wanted to know how she was doing. But no such call came. Rita slipped the phone in her pocket, hoping that maybe it would come later.
In the meantime, her eyes turned back to that small window on the door. In a few minutes, headlights would emerge from the grayish white haze. Maybe it would be Vanzilla. Leni would return on her own, Rita would grab her a blanket, and everything would end all nice and happy.
But Lincoln was still in intense pain. That fire could have quickly gotten out of hand, enveloping the rest of kitchen before devastating the entire House. And the living room? Where had the life gone? She didn't hear any talking or laughter. Not even the TV was on.
"Mom."
Rita jolted back. For the briefest of moments, she convinced herself that it was Leni reaching out to her. But the jerkish swing around brought her back to reality. Luna stood for Linky several feet away holding baby Lily. Rita felt her already troubled heart sink even lower.
"Is Leni gonna be okay?" Luna asked as she patted the baby on the back.
She knew her third daughter was old and smart enough to understand the situation. There was no question about it. And yet, Rita was woefully unprepared to address anyone, let alone her family. But those big sad eyes compelled a response, as if ignoring them was a bigger sin than her staying home right now.
Rita sighed.
"I don't know," she said slowly, as she brought a hand to her shocked cheek, "I hope she is...and I hope I find her...but," she paused as she took in one of the most difficult breaths in her life, "I wish I had the answer."
"Weni..."
Just when she thought her bruised heart would receive some much-desired mercy, little Lily sent a sting penetrating the wound. The poor baby was perched upon her big sister's shoulder, gripping the dower purple shirt. Rita couldn't help but wonder what it was like to the young mind. How aware was she of the situation? How destructive was the blizzard of confusion inside her infantile head? Beyond the gray fog and dense snowfall, no answers emerged. How terrifying was it to not see a clear silhouette come into the forefront, making everything as clear as a sunny May afternoon. If only she could swoop and embrace her little girls, shelter her from the bitter cold.
A blaring horn interrupted her motherly trance. Her eyes widen as she quickly registered the cue.
"I gotta go! I love you," Rita said rapidly.
As she bolted out the front door, she was greeted by two piercing headlights. Snow pelted her coat, trying to bog her down. But in this moment, nothing could hurt her. Rita's numb legs defied the tall, yet slippery mush on the ground. Through the blurry sight, she spotted an opening in the passenger seat. Yes. Perfect. With another boost, Rita charged around the corner and flung open the door.
Particles of snow whipped against Jane's skin, but today was a supernatural day. Texture ceased to exist, along with color and warmth. Rita knew Jane. She was loud, rambunctious, and over-the-top. Yet a brief glimpse was indicative enough of the levity. As Jane pulled out of the snowy driveway, Rita gazed into the central mirror and noticed a special passenger in the backseat. The poor girl's head was pointed downward.
"Helen," Rita said gently.
The girl snapped up. Her eyes were heavy with emotion, though Rita couldn't see any tears. She couldn't tell if that made things better or worse.
"Have you tried contacting Leni?" Rita asked.
"Yes," Helen answered softly. Her voice was low, struggling to keep up with the thin air entering her lungs, "I tried texting...and calling, but she hasn't got back to me," her neck lowered, struggling to keep her head up, "I'm sorry."
"No, no, no, that's okay," Rita said, shaking her head, "I really appreciate your efforts."
"So what do you want to do?" Jane asked gravely.
Once again, Rita was tempted to get the police involved. After all, more people made the search easier. But she quickly shut it down. Rita was already in a car, so there was no point in getting out. While she believed Royal Woods had fine police officers, Rita was uncertain their presence would have helped in the long run. How would Leni feel to know that her actions resulted in such drastic consequences. And finally, Rita had an idea of her own.
"I think I know where she went," Rita said.
"Where?" Jane asked.
"I can show you the way," she answered as she pointed forward, "stay straight."
The turn wasn't coming for a while. And what a shame. Her mind was on repeat, reliving the incomplete story she experienced. What else was going on? Why did it come to this? It was torture having to pose these questions without having a clear answer. She knew she was no more informed than Lily on this.
"So what happened?" she heard Helen ask.
Rita sighed.
"It's a long story," she said.
Without anything else to do, she proceeded to retell the events of that morning. Each joyous moment was recounted as they led up to an abrupt turnaround.
Rita only remembered a few occasions where the Royal Woods Mall was this desolate. In the open field known as the parking lot, she could only make out ten or so cars parked. She commended those brave souls, conquering the elements to make a modest wage or shop for necessities.
She kept her eyes glued as Jane slowly drove through the parking lot. They could all hear the snow crunching under the tires and the windshield wipers clearing out the fresh sheet of precipitation. They grinder to a halt with each parked vehicle they passed. It took a minute to examine its features (license plate, shape, color, brand) before realizing it wasn't Vanzilla.
This had to be the place her daughter went. It was one of the few places she loved driving to, an oasis that gave her comfort even in her darkest hour. Even as they failed to identify Vanzilla, there was hope that, given the vast size of the lot, that it would turn up at some point.
But as more of the parking lot came into view, Rita started to feel her heart twist tighter and tighter. What if Leni didn't stop? She could have sped right into the highway. The image of her daughter getting this far by herself was terrifying. And given how distraught she was as she ran out, she could have been distracted behind the wheel and...
No, Rita said to herself. She refused to think further down that path. They were gonna find her somehow. And if she wasn't here, then they would call the police. At least by then, it would be a last resort. Rita inhaled deeply. She needed to calm down.
"There she is!"
Rita shook her head. Did she hear that right? Her eyes went left, right, up, and down. From this aimless venture, she locked her sight on it. On the far edge of the parking lot (which bordered a large forest), the motionless Vanzilla was swerved at a tilted angle relative to the traditional parking lines. Luckily, there wasn't a single dent in the car. It had stopped safely.
"Thank you," Rita said as she sighed, "I can take it from here."
"Okay," Jane responded, "we'll stay here in case you need some extra hands."
In the corner of her eye, Rita saw Helen silently nod.
"Certainly," Rita said.
She was bombarded by a torrent of snow as she popped the door open. Rita, though, pushed through, planting her feet in the mountain of snow. She marched to Vanzilla, which was surprisingly dark on the inside. She was forced to ask herself what was going on. Helen had told her Leni was right here. Did she just mean Vanzilla? Indeed, Rita was horrified to discover the car was empty.
Rita ran around Vanzilla. On the ground, she spotted a black shiny object right next to the driver side door. She grasped it and shook off the snow. It was the keys. Yes, things were coming together.
And then it all made sense. Beyond Vanzilla, several trees into the woods was a figure. Yes, it had to be.
Leni was kneeling in the snow. Without any coat or gloves, she was reduced to her simple dress. She didn't feel the cold seep into her bare feet or the goosebumps gardening on her exposed arms. Her blonde hair blew with the gust of wind. Her large, horrified eyes gazed off into the wilderness before her.
As Rita got closer, these details became more and more outlined. The poor girl was out here, freezing to death. She knew she had to get her daughter to warmth. Vanzilla was good. All she needed was turn on the car along with its heater. But first, Rita knew she needed to talk her into it.
"Leni," Rita said.
Leni flinched at the realization. She knew that voice. What was Mom doing out here in the cold? She scrambled to her feet, digging her hands into the snow. Leni found herself in a tenuous position given the height of the snowfall, yet she was able to turn around. As she feared, it was Mom. Her pupils became little dots.
"Get away from me!" Leni cried, her voice hoarse. She started walking backwards, hoping she can assure that such occurred.
"Leni, please come home," Mom said concerned, "we're all worried about you. Lincoln wants to forgive you."
"You don't have to pretend anymore!"
Rita was astonished. As far as she knew, the only time she pretended was when she fed Lily and had the spoon as an "airplane". But certainly, that wasn't what this was about.
"What are you talking about?" She asked.
"Everyone knows it! Even me," Leni shot back, slapping a hard fist against her chest, "but you don't have to do this anymore. You can finally be free."
"I don't know what you mean," Mom answered, concerned at Leni's intensifying demeanor. This wasn't the daughter she knew. Leni was usually much more laid back and gentle. To say that this sight was jaw dropping was an understatement.
Leni growled, exposing her teeth.
"We both know it! No one can stand me," Leni proclaimed. Before Rita could ask again, Leni walked to the nearest tree and started pounding her head against the frozen bark, "You only put up with me because you think you have to. You've scared yourself into thinking that others will call you a meanie if you spoke the truth even though it's right in everyone's faces."
Rita knew she couldn't keep her distance. She raced to Leni and grabbed her hand. As her daughter faced her, Rita felt another tinge of pain. A red rash had seared into Leni's forehead. And those eyes, how they were seething with an uncontrollable resentment.
"Leni. I don't put up with you. I love you," Rita said, gripping that cold trembling hand, "you have your own talents. You've done amazing things for both us and others and we're thankful for that!" she then stared intently, "Please...please see that."
All the mother could hear was the roaring wind. Leni's troubled blue eyes didn't know how to process the information, to grapple with it. Instead, her sad mouth slowly dropped. It was as if that feature didn't matter anymore, that it didn't need acknowledgement. Rita tightened her grip on her daughter's hands, hoping her love would shine through and lift up Leni's chin.
Instead, the younger woman turned away, unable to face her master. Leni shuddered. The cold was finally registering in her bones.
"Leni," Mom said, "Pleas-"
"It can't be true."
Rita's eyes widened.
"What are you talk-"
"All this time," Leni said, her throat tightening and pulled her hand away. She gripped in on the side of her waist. Turning around, she stumbled in the opposite direction.
"I don't understand. Can you please tell me what's goin-"
"I tricked you!"
Leni halted, her feet practically frozen to the snowy ground. Rita was the same way. The storm had now worked its way into her own mind, blurring the lines that were once bold and clear-cut.
"What?" Mom asked softly. Leni lowered her head. She mentally slapped herself for letting that tidbit out. Maybe she could pretend it never happened. Yeah, this was just an illusion in her silly little head. She knew that she could be pretty gullible at times.
"Leni," she asked more firmly. The younger Loud trembled. The snow began consuming her one part at a time. She trembled. No, she refused to believe she was smacking her Mom with this, "Tell me what's going on?"
And then it hit her. Leni realized this was once again the typical situation, avoiding responsibility. It didn't matter what her conscience said, her actions always screamed out "never my fault!" Even now, in her greatest and most unforgivable transgression, she still buckled when it came time to face the consequences.
Well no more. It may not be easy, but now was the time. Her Mom deserved to have some closure as she's finally gained her much-deserved freedom. Leni locked her arms to her side and jerked around. She locked eyes with Rita. There couldn't be any reservation in this final moment of justice.
"Whenever I am-got sad and accepted the fact that I was nothing," Leni said bluntly, "I liked to fool myself into think that I was truly lovable, that you all would really mean it when you said "it's okay, we all mistakes"," she took in a whiff of chilly air before continuing, "but you never wanted to love me. You knew I was stupid and selfish and mean! I didn't mean to trick anyone but...look at me. I spent so much time with you that you just got used to it. I made it so that pretending to love me would be the only way to make yourself happy. And...look what happened."
Rita was astonished. Did her daughter really just say that about herself? She didn't understand. She knew that Leni sometimes had difficulty expressing her feelings, but there were no hints of this (or maybe Rita didn't want to think it was that bad).
"Leni, sweetie," she said. Mom approached her daughter and placed hand on her rigid shoulder, "let me take you to Vanzilla."
The younger Loud squirmed forward.
"No! I can't!"
"Leni..."
What was she supposed to say? There was so much uncertainty and yet Rita felt the complexity facing her. After all this time, she thought she understood her daughter. The years of watching her grow up and talking with Maddy and teachers had convinced her she knew her daughter like a book. Rita wanted to learn.
"I have never been tricked into anything. I loved you from the day I knew you were coming," Rita said, "I have never gotten tired or sad because of you. If anything, what you've done has made me even prouder as a mother."
Leni didn't get closer. She wasn't in a hurry to hug her Mom or finally see the light. Instead, she took a single step forward. Rita feared that she would run off, resulting in an ugly chase. The mother wanted to resolve this through conversation and she was intent on discovery.
Luckily, no physical struggle ever materialized. Leni shuddered in her spot. What was she thinking, Rita asked.
"I...," Leni said shakily, "I don't believe you."
Her eyes were clenched. Why couldn't Mom just get the message already? Leni was doing this for her own good, for her Dad's good, her sisters' goods, and... (especially) Linky's. All Mom had to do was get in Vanzilla and drive away. Whatever happened to herself next didn't matter. She didn't care, nor should be. Leni had long since lost that privilege.
"Please," she heard her Mom say, "It's freezing out here. Even if you don't believe me, can we at least talk it out in the car?"
Rita once again got closer to her daughter. This time, she wrapped around the front and stared her straight on in her face. The rash had already become a dull imprint on her frightingly pale skin. But those eyes (which refused to cry) carried more than just anger at this point. Leni was quiet. Her lips were too overwhelmed to release any words.
"Leni, I want to know what's happening with my little girl. I want to try and convince you that the love you get from me, your family, and friends is real," Rita expounded. That was the crucial step. Once they were in the heated Vanzilla, they could talk this all out.
She still couldn't bring herself to speak, however. By this point, Leni was becoming one with the trees. It was a shame Rita couldn't get the answer she wanted in words, but who could blame anyone given the cold.
Indeed, it was only a matter of time before Leni's paralysis descended into shivering. Rita knew it wasn't fair to just take her daughter's hand and force her there. Leni was a person and she deserved respect in that regard. But Rita was also a mother, the one who made a vow to never let her children fall into harm's way. When to draw the line should have been clear by now, especially after eighteen years on the job. Mothers don't let their kids stay out in the snow without basic protection (and especially not during such an intense storm).
However deep in those melancholy eyes, Rita detected a quagmire that required more than typical initiative or "hollow" reassurances. This was a fundamental fracture point, one which required more time than the weather allowed.
"Well..." Leni murmured tentatively. Rita's frosty ears popped to attention, "It's, like, totes cold outside," she then paused. Leni briefly gazed off into the wilderness before her? This was the whole point of coming here. But alas, the words "I'll come with you," escape her mouth.
Without missing a beat, Rita nodded and took Leni's hand. She tried to nudge her daughter along, hoping to traverse more snowfall. It was a slow, but steady effort. As Mom rounded the front hood, she pulled the key from her pocket and unlocked the passenger seat. Mom opened it for her, allowing Leni to reluctantly worm into the chilly upholstery. While still outside, she instinctively removed her thick coat and wrapped it around Leni. It may not stop the cold immediately, but it was a start.
Rita gently shut the door and paced to the driver seat. The preliminary steps of setting up had to be brief. Within ten seconds, Mom was able to secure herself in Vanzilla, rev up the heating system, and sealed all means the warmth could escape. This was much better, she thought.
"You know," Rita said, eyes forward and nudging her daughter, "from in here, these snowflakes sorta remind me of each of your siblings," she cringed, recognizing it wasn't an ideal start. No matter, she pressed forward as she pointed her finger at a passing snowflake, "That one right there could be your's," she then proceeded to snap-point at a collection of others, "That one could be Lori's, Luna's, Luan's, Lynn's, Lincoln's..."
Rita knew it. This couldn't have been a more counterproductive analogy if she tried. Leni wasn't even looked at her, but rather at the coat. With each name uttered, she shrunk lower and lower into the article.
She realized that to get her girl to talk, she needed to employ a different set of words. As an aspiring novelist, it was her duty to eloquently craft the English language into a clear, substantial, and moving argument. Perhaps it was too soon for the subject of snow flakes.
But with determination in her wounded heart, Rita bolted forward.
"Leni. I'm not gonna make you speak, but I'm not driving or letting you leave this spot until I know," Mom said confidently. She then turned to Leni with a much kinder gaze, "is that okay, honey?"
Leni nodded her head and stared forward at the cotton balls roaring down.
Of course, that important moment didn't immediately arrive. To give Leni some "space", Rita largely kept her gaze at the snow. The soft blowing outside brushed along her ears. Her gloves hands were on her thighs, basking in the influx of new heat.
Occasionally, she turned to her daughter. Each time, she was facing a different direction. Sometimes up at the roof, sometimes down on the floor, others out the window, but never at her. It was like there was a black wall separating the two of them. Leni knew it was impossible to see the other side, so why even try?
The slow minutes became excruciating, but Rita understood their necessity. If she spoke up too soon, Leni would be frazzled and they would both be back at square one. Leni had to be the one to start this. It was her mind and her free will. She trusted her daughter would make the right decision sooner or later.
Leni couldn't believe she was here. This felt like one of those fantasies where impossible things happened in rapid fire. For the longest time, she had convinced herself that despite all her defects, she was at least good (some of the time) at not making it other's business. This was her problem, after all. Mom had better things to do than this.
But alas, that delusion of herself came crumbling down in a defeated sigh.
"What do you wanna know?" Leni asked sadly.
Rita perked up. Finally, this was her chance to gain some insight.
"Whatever you're comfortable with honey," she replied warmly, "there's nothing to be ashamed of."
Leni slowly veered away from Mom. She was uncertain. She knew there was no way out at this point. Mom, though, was patient even when she was being foolish. But now , she wasn't gonna waste any more time. As Lori would say, it was time to "rip off the Band-aid" (or whatever it was).
"Well...um..." she said tentatively. Leni couldn't believe these words were about to come out. Mom, though, was clearly staring at her. With that, Leni took an affirmative gulp.
"I hate myself."
Rita didn't think her eyes could have opened any wider. Some of what Leni said earlier had traces of this. Mom wanted to believe this was just because of her daughter's mood, that she would return to normal after some hugging and light-hearted discussion.
But this wasn't a normal reaction. It would have been one thing if she bolted up to her room and locked the door behind her or tried to hug Lincoln. Now, as she sat here in Vanzilla during the storm, Rita knew this was more than just theatrics. The lack of warm clothes, the talk about the family being "free", the raw bitterness in Leni's eyes.
"Could you tell me why?" Rita asked gently. Now that she clearly understood what she was dealing with, she knew she had to be extremely careful.
Leni rubbed her arms, trying to warm them up.
"It's too big to say," she said dismissively.
"That's okay. We have all the time in the world to talk it out," Mom explained.
"Well," Leni said, eventually finding the courage to make eye contact with her mom, "I guess I can start at the, like, start.
"Okay."
Well, she thought, this was it. After this, her Mom would either understand why she needed to be free to eternally entrenched in that cage. As Leni dreaded the latter, she felt another shiver. How fitting (or not) that this had to be when there was mountains of suffocating snow building up.
"Sometimes, I think about Leni," she explained.
"You mean your sister?" Mom asked.
"Yes..."
Rita should have known that one of her other babies was involved in this. She was thrust back to that terrible day eighteen years ago, the tears both she and Lynn Sr had wept. Rita was also also forced to relive the day where she had to tell the tale to both Lori and Leni.
"So, like, I know you said that you love me anyway, but we literally have the same name," Leni said.
"Well, your father and I loved that name. It's beautiful and we wanted two of our own to have it."
Rita hoped this wasn't where Leni was headed towards. She loved both Lenis would have given them the care they needed regardless of what their circumstances. Though retroactively, she became aware of how confusing the implications of this duplication. Moods and ideas were different at that grim, desperate time. Rita herself was younger back then and had less control over her emotions. And despite her best intentions, Leni truly was in her right to speculate why she didn't get some other name had Leni survived.
"It's not your fault, Mom," Leni said lightly. She then chuckled softly. It wasn't easy hearing the sinister thread lying under it all, "I never blame you or Dad or even Leni."
"I don't blame anyone. It just wasn't in any of our control," Mom said.
"Still, I think about what it would have been like if, like, Leni was born. She would have been smart, funny, pretty, and good all wrapped up into one," Leni then perked up a smile. Mom shivered. This was one of the few times where she dreaded seeing one of those big, toothy grins. She wanted to jump in for the save, to correct the preconceptions she had assumed in her head. Leni, though, beat her to it, "Other kids would come up to her and say 'Leni, you don't like weird stuff like Princess Pony'. 'Leni, you don't get mixed up when someone says something really simple to you.' 'Leni, you're not some idiot that can't! Stop! Messing up!'"
Each phrase was a hammer strike. Leni angrily pounded her fist on the arm rest, trying to rip the pure anger from the dark spots of her core.
Mom flinched. With each second, Leni continued to surprise her. She knew that her "second" daughter wasn't immune from petty squabbles or little quibbles. But rarely had she seen her get so intense. It was so fast and rough that Leni often backed out of this rash behavior.
"Leni, we all make mistakes," Mom said. Yes, it was an age-old moral that was often beaten into the groun. But as this clearly indicated, there was a reason it was age-old. No matter how far people come as a society and as individuals, there will always be those that nitpick the most subtle features. Some go unnoticed by their perpetuators, while others became a pivot point that marked the start of a new trail (for better or worse). "Your siblings make mistakes, your Dad, even I mess up from time to time. But that doesn't make you bad. It just makes you a person. Don't beat yourself over it."
"But I made too many!" Leni cried.
"Huh."
"I used up all my mistakes when I was little. I couldn't talk right or move right or think right or anything," Leni outlined hastily. She glared intensely at the windshield before her. She was trying to see her reflection, but the glass was too wet to produce a clear reflection, "I spent so much time wasting your time and using up all my tries that I ran out," All of them came to mind. Maddy, Mrs. Boxer, Mrs. Lane, Dr. Henry. She adored all of them, but not even their combined brilliance could have saved her. Leni felt her throat tighten as she continued, "Now when I mess up, its bad and no one is really happy with giving me a second chance. Now it's just a test of not yelling at me! It's like one of those tests you find in 16.5. They'll, like, ask you questions about how pretty you are and the nicer you are to yourself, the worse the score. That's totes weirds. And then, like-"
Rita's hand landed on Leni's left shoulder.
"Slow down, Leni," Mom said gradually.
"Oh..."
As if a power switch had been turned, Leni clammed up and her arms withdrew in the makeshift blanket. Rita felt bad for silencing her daughter like that (especially with revelations of these nature), But she could detect the trajectory of this tangent. She wanted to get back to the main point. With a cheery smile, Rita spoke.
"No one could ever replace you. When Lincoln and each of your sisters came into the world, they all did their own special thing," Mom said eloquently "That can't always be made up ahead of time, but when it happens, it's a magical bright light to our day. Do you know what your first gift to us was?"
"Goo?"
"Joy. You're right about one thing," Mom said. Her lips fell quiet as a series of painful memories re-emerged, "Your Dad and I were very sad when your sister left us. We only get to remember Leni for those few moments where she was in my arms," of course, it was always difficult for Rita to get through that story with a pair of dry eyes. In that moment, however, Rita found it in her to blink the tears away. She lifted her hand to Leni's pale cheek. The daughter peered up at her gentle mother as the latter continued, "But when we had you, you helped us get through this tough time. No one in our family would be the same without you."
"But..." Leni said. She cowered away, towards the passenger window. If she did say anything during that motion, it was lost.
"But what?" Mom asked.
Well, Leni had already exposed one aspect of herself. She might as well lay it all down on her poor mother's back now.
"It's not just about my sister."
"What else is troubling you?" Mom asked.
The voice echoed in every part of Leni's skull. Past iterations, present dictation, and speculative admonishments for crimes both real and imagined. Leni took a shaky breath.
"Everything..."
"Wanna tell me about it?"
A short, sad silence.
"Okay," Leni said, resigned.
And then she unloaded. Leni sought to get everything off her chest in one swoop, only occasionally interrupted by breathing and (from what Rita could discern) sniffles. As baffling as it was for Leni to accept, she put everything to words. She told her Mom about how she failed to get out of her IEP before the eighth grade and that time she read in one of the journals about the high cost of services. Leni outlined for her Mom how even after her services phased out, she still struggled to make friends or be what some girls called a "social animal".
And then there was the other stuff, the little quirks that made her unbearable; her stilted grin in photographs, her mediocre grades (even now, she couldn't get above low B's), her ignorance of current trends among her own peers, her "weird" interests, her inferior fashion design skills, the complete absence of a leadership despite being granted responsibilities (mostly on technicality), her slow thinking speed, her limited vocabulary (or as she called it, "big words"), her constant excusemaking, her failure to succeed in high-pressure situations, her dependence on others for guidance, the occasions where she chews with her mouth open, her lackluster writing skills, her careless attitude towards both power outlets and baking ovens, her inability to keep her loved ones out of harm's way, and most of all, her failure to be considerate towards others.
That was it. It was all out there. Leni had no more secrets, this destroying the sad lonely remnant of her self-worth. Her eyes widened and her cheeks blushed. She couldn't believe that she just did that. She had told herself to never ever make her problems that of others, especially not her family. The last charge was by far the heaviest and most self-evident. She had no excuse for putting all that out there just to win some pity points.
All pity did was trap others into an obligation to socialize. There was no other purpose or result that comes with dumping problems onto others. Leni squeezed her eyes shut upon thinking this. That's all she was doing. Proving her own point as usual.
Rita didn't know what to say. In the span of one discussion, she gained a whole new insight into her daughter's habits, mannerisms, and attitudes. Despite being proud to know a lot about her children (or wanting to learn), all this came at a surprise. Now that she thought about it, this loathing wasn't entirely out of her sight. Mentally, she slapped herself for not pressing her daughter earlier. It could have been one of those times where Leni apologized incessantly, uttered the phrase "I'm sorry" until her throat went dry. Maybe instead of assuming Leni took those driving test failures in stride, she could have asked her after she got out. Or perhaps have worked harder to acknowledge that special education was more than just the teacher's observations.
So then why did this aspect of Leni slip through the cracks? Rita was confronted with countless "what if's" and "if only's". Each one was certain to produce a far different reality, where this issue could have been nipped in the bud instead of festering over time. Rita understood she wasn't the perfect parent and there were multiple ways she could have done better than this. But now she got her daughter to open up to her. That had to make her (at least) a good mother.
Even though Leni wasn't looking at her, Mom leaned in and gave her one of the tightest hugs she ever delivered.
Leni's eyes widened. Even after all her transgressions, she was still getting this reward? Not only did Mom still allow her in the car, but she was doing this? And yet, despite the fear of pity, this embrace was...full. It was the farthest thing from the hollow sensation that came with such a feeling. It was warm, radiating, complete, and every definition of satisfying imaginable. Leni knew she herself could never give such an embrace herself, but receiving one was more than nice.
At this point, she couldn't keep it in anymore. Tears broke free and Leni allowed herself to cry in front of her Mom. It was an unusual feeling to cry. Leni felt so exposed, so vulnerable. And Mom was just there, going through the motions again. As Leni wept, she asked herself what type of monster was she?
In an effort to give her Mom a break, Leni tried looking out the passenger window. While she had glimpsed out there several times earlier, it was only now that she discovered something other snow. Out in the distance was a separate car with its headlights on. Leni rubbed her eyes and tried to make out the sight.
The color, size, and shape made it clear. This was how Mom got here, she realized. And now her best friend knew all about this. For several moments, Leni silently sauntered in her seat. She couldn't believe that her reign of destruction continued further. And just thinking about her Helen made her well up again.
KThe mother and daughter were there for each other, though. The storm raged on as usual, piling inch after inch of new snow on the ground. Ten others awaited their return home. But for now, it was hugs and tears for them. This wasn't gonna be the end of the matter, however. Leni knew she wasn't getting out of this so easily.