I ACTUALLY CRIED WRITING THIS CHAPTER.
It has been four days since Kix passed away, and it has been so hard.
Today is his visitation/funeral. I was up all night writing a speech to say. I didn't want this day to happen, I didn't want to say goodbye, I wasn't ready.
Narvel and I drove with Janine and Ronnie to the funeral home, we had all helped Barbra with everything.
Ronnie has mainly kept to himself, he has taken this really hard. They worked together for over twenty years, and were more then just friends, they were brothers.
A lot of people were there. I stayed with Barbra and their kids the whole time, they were really having a hard time. Ronnie stayed mainly in the back of the place, just observing. He isn't one to show emotions in front of people.
Tomorrow, we are going to the ACM'S to. Ronnie and Kix were supposed to receive their milestone award, but Ronnie told me he don't think he can accept it without Kix by his side.
Barbra had asked me to accept the award in place of Kix, knowing he wouldn't want anyone else up there with Ronnie. She also thought maybe that would convince Ronnie to go up there.
It was Ronnie's turn to go up there and say a few words.
"I performed on the road with Kix for over twenty years. It all started when we were with this record company guy, we had never met each other before, and the guy suggested we perform together. We both thought he was crazy, we don't know each other. But he said give it a try, and we did and the rest is history. We had our problems, we didn't always get along, but how he put up with me that long, I will never know. He asked me, a few months ago, if I regret coming together and becoming Brook's and Dunn. Did I regret not just staying as a solo performer, and instead becoming a duet. I told him no, and I don't. I never have. Only thing I regret, is not having more time together. We weren't just partners, we weren't just friends, we were brothers. I will miss you for the rest of my life, I love you Kix."
Ronnie cried the whole time, I was crying, as was everyone else.
It was my turn. I wasn't ready, but then again, I would never have been ready.
As I stood up there and looked at all our friends and family in front of me, it was hard keeping the tears back.
"I have known Kix for over twenty years. The one thing that always came to me when I thought about him was how he was always there for me. No matter what has happened to me, he was always the one I could turn to, and I always did. My favorite memory was our trip to Paris, it always made him laugh so hard whenever it was brought up. I have had to fight the urge to call Kix like I always have, and just talk to him, because whenever I was hurting in my life, he was the shoulder I cried on. And it kills me that he isn't here, that I can't cry on his shoulder. I hate that he is gone, but that's just me being selfish. He was in pain, and he is at peace now. When we were at our family cookout, he asked me for forgiveness, and I regret not forgiving him then. I robbed myself of that time I could have had with him. I love that we were able to become friends again, and we also got to say our goodbye to him, and tell him how much we loved him. He made Ronnie and I make a promise to him, and I will keep that promise til' the day I die. I miss you Kix, I really wish you were still here, but I know you will be waiting for me on the other side when it's my time, and you will greet me with open arms. I love you."
I went and sat down and just cried, it was a lot harder then I thought, it was even harder watching them put his casket into the ground.
I prayed to God to help us be strong enough to move on with our lives. Give us the strength to keep going.
I was able to convince Ronnie to accept the award, saying I would be right there with him.
We are waiting backstage to step on the stage. I am holding Ronnie's arm as we are trying to keep it together.
They announced us, and we walked on. Barbra, her kids, grandkids, Narvel, Janine, and Shelby were all here.
"Thank you everyone." Ronnie said. "I never thought in the twenty years that I have been a part of Brook's and Dunn that I would ever be up here accepting an award without my partner by my side." Ronnie and I started to cry. "I almost couldn't do it, but with the help of his family, I was convinced that Kix would never want that, and there right. He would want me up here accepting this award, and I am very grateful to have our best friend up here with me, Reba. Thank you everyone for you twenty years of support and love. Kix will never be forgotten and will always be loved. He wasn't just my friend, he was my brother and I will always love him. Thank you everyone." Ronnie stepped aside so I could say something.
"I was very grateful when Kix family had asked me to come and accept this award on his behalf. It isn't easy to do, because no one can ever take his place. He's my best friend and I am grateful to have had made amends with him before he passed. I wish we were able to perform for everyone one last time. I love all of you, thank you."
Ronnie and I spent the rest of the night together, just talking about old times sharing laughs.
"I just can't believe he's really gone." Ronnie said.
"I can't either." My voice cracked. "We will see him again someday though."
"You're right, he will be waiting for us. I am glad we made amends though, I don't think I would have been able to forgive myself if we hadn't before this happened. But I also believe at the same time, if we hadn't made amends, maybe he would still be alive." Ronnie said and started to cry in his hands.
I came over and wrapped my arms around him in a hug as I cried myself. "Don't think like that Ronnie. Things happen for a reason, God wanted him to come home. I know it's hard, but we were able to be there for him, we were his friends, we got to say goodbye."
Ronnie nodded and looked up to me. "You're right, it's just so hard." he wiped the tears off his face. He took my hand after I sat down. "We will keep his promise, til' the day we die."
I smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "Forever and ever."