One week later
I was sitting in my red chair by the window studying when I heard a knock on my door.
"Come in." I mumbled not really in the mood to talk.
"Spencer, he's here." My mom told me as I heard her walk in.
I didn't need to ask who she meant when she said 'he.' Toby had come over twice, now three times, to try and talk to me. But I always ignored his visits and calls. Toby and I were the only ones that knew what happened. And Hanna and Jason knew a few vague details.
"I have nothing to say to him."
"Well, he has something to say to you." She stated. "I don't know what happened between you two. But don't give up so easily, every couple has arguments its part of the relationship."
"I'm not giving up, but we didn't just argue. What he said was…" I stopped so that I didn't end up crying in front of her. "He's not going to stop so tell him to come on up. I want to get this over with."
"Okay, I'll send him up. But, Spencer, it may hurt, but you should listen to him." She advised me and then I heard her leave the room.
I could hear Toby practically run up the stairs to my room and I prepared myself for another argument.
"Hello, Toby," I sighed as I closed my book and set it on the window sill.
"Hi, Spencer," He said and I could hear a little bit of nervousness and I could feel a bit of awkwardness as well.
"I don't want to hear another apology. So save your breath if that's why you're here." I told him right out.
"I know you don't want to hear another apology. I'm here for another reason. I'm here because of Hanna."
"Hanna? What does she have to do with this? Is she okay?" I asked completely not expecting him to mention her.
"Hanna's fine." He assured me and then got back on topic. "The day after…I said what I did, Hanna came over. She reminded me of our first double date. You remember?"
"Of course, anything involving Hanna is kind of hard to forget. Plus, I did get locked in the bathroom that made it really memorable." I answered with heavy sarcasm on the last part.
"Hanna said she was there to keep her promise. She didn't follow through on the second part though." He continued and I couldn't stop the grin at the mention of 'the second part'. "But she did call me out for hurting you. Since Hanna kept her promise, I'm going to keep mine."
"Toby, you can't keep that promise that you already broke."
"I know, I broke the promise not to hurt you and I threw it out the window. But I'm not talking about that promise. I'm talking about the one I made when I said Jenna would never break us up."
"Jenna didn't cause this rift between us, Toby. You did!"
I was angry with him for the obvious reason. But also because I couldn't believe he would try and pin the blame on someone else.
"And didn't you tell me you didn't care that I never told you about Jenna's warning?" I added.
"I screwed up, I know. But I told you the truth when I said I didn't care about that. And I was also telling you the truth when I said I wasn't angry I you. I was angry at Jenna but I took it out on you. I know you don't want another apology. But I was wrong to do that and I am sorry."
"So what? You admit that you're wrong and I'm supposed to forgive you?"
"No, I don't expect you to forgive me now. And I wouldn't blame you if you never did. All I want is the chance to explain. Let me do that then I'll leave you alone if that's what you want."
"Fine, you can explain."
"The day you and the girls went to Philly, the day before Caleb left, Jenna corned me. She told me that she knew what you, me, Mona, and Mike were doing. I know it was stupid and risky but I made a deal with her. She would make sure that you stayed safe if I made sure Garrett didn't get blamed for anything. So when you said you thought Garrett was responsible I got scared."
"Why would you make a deal like that with her? And why did that scare you?"
"I got scared because I know how determined you are. You would have gone out of your way to find proof that Garrett was responsible for my broken arm. I was scared that Jenna would think I wasn't holding up my end of the deal and you would get hurt. I know it might not seem like it after what I said, but your safety means everything to me, Spencer. That's why I agreed to Jenna's deal."
"Why didn't you tell me that instead of yelling and arguing? And how is it okay that you didn't tell me about your talk with Jenna but not I okay that I didn't tell you about mine?"
"I admit that it bothered me a little just like it bothers you. But I wasn't angry about that or at you. I was angry at Jenna and at myself for getting stuck in that deal. If Garrett hurt me and that's what they were arguing about, what was to stop him from hurting you next?" He explained and I wished I could believe when he said he was worried about me.
"Do you really think Jenna would keep her side of the deal? If it comes down to me or Garrett she's not going to care about me. After all why would she? It is my fault she's blind."
"It is not your fault, Spencer. I never meant to imply that." He told me.
I wished that I could see his face, his eyes. To know for sure that he was telling me the truth. I wanted to believe that Toby didn't really blame me. But how could I believe him when I didn't believe myself. I felt like it was my fault since the day it happened. But I started to stop when Toby said he didn't blame me. But now the guilt was back and worse than before.
"What did you mean to imply then?"
"In a way, I guess I was talking to both of us I think. You didn't mention talking to Jenna because you thought it best. And I didn't mention it because I thought it unnecessary. We both try so hard to protect each other but it backfires eventually."
"So this is all because you were mad at yourself and Jenna, and you were scared that you couldn't keep me safe." I thought aloud.
"It might sound pathetic, but yes. I never thought it would turn into a fight. One minute things were fine then they weren't. And before I knew it I said the worst thing I've ever said in my life." He said and I could hear the remorse in his voice.
Despite myself, I was starting to believe him. And I even felt a little sorry for giving him such a hard time.
"I never meant to argue or yell at you either. But whether you meant it or not, it hurt a lot. And it still does. I'm not sure if I can let that go and forgive you." I told him honestly.
"You don't have to do anything right now, Spencer. Take all the time you need. But don't let Jenna and our conversations with her in attempt to keep each other safe come between us. That may not be the main reason but it definitely started things."
"Maybe we should stop trying to protect each other." I commented.
"No way. No matter what happens between us, I will never stop protecting you." He stated and he raised his voice. But not in anger, it was to make his point clear. "Listen to me, Spencer. You thought a smoke bomb in my garage was better than something else Alison could have done. Yes, that did backfire. But what if you had given up and decided that you weren't going to protect me anymore because your first attempt failed?"
"I never would have done that!" I shouted. "I would run into that garage right now if I had to."
"You're right, you don't give up. But didn't you just suggest that?"
"I can't make a promise. But I'll try and think about what you said. I don't want Jenna to come between us either." I sighed knowing that he was right.
"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere. Thanks for letting me explain."
And with that he left. He was gone in a second and I barely heard him walk out of my room.
Later that evening I was downstairs sitting in front of the fireplace. My mom was in the kitchen making coffee for the two of us. I heard the front door opened and assumed it was my dad. But it was Melissa.
"Hi, mom, Spencer." Melissa said cheerfully but with a hint of sadness.
"Hi, Sweetie, would you like some decaf?" My mom greeted her.
"No thanks, I'll pass." Melissa declined and then she sat down next to me on the sofa.
"Hey, Mel, I didn't know you were coming over tonight." I commented.
"I wasn't planning on it. But I needed to get out of the apartment. And I have some news to tell you too."
"Oh, what's that?" My mom asked as she handed me my coffee.
"I had a doctor's appointment today. I'm a having a girl." She announced.
"Really, that's great congratulations." I told her.
"I'm gonna have a granddaughter?" Mom asked excitedly.
"Yep," Melissa replied and again she sounded sad beneath the excitement.
"Are you okay, Melissa?" I asked.
"Yeah, I've just been doing a lot of thinking today." She sighed.
It was obvious what she was thinking about and I felt bad for her. I think she really did love Ian. And to be carrying his baby now that he was gone must be pretty tough.
"I've been doing a lot of that myself lately." I admitted.
"Would it help to talk about it?" Melissa offered.
"Toby and I…we're going through a rough patch."
"Aww, I'm sorry to hear that. You two are perfect together and you look so cute." Melissa sympathized.
"Spencer, what exactly happened to you and Toby? You were so worried about him in the hospital but two days later you refused to talk about him. Not to mention all the calls and visits you ignored the past week except for today." Mom asked in concern.
"The day after he got out of the hospital we got into a fight. I got angry at him for something he said. I had every intention of ignoring him forever but after what he said today…I don't know anymore. I can't forgive him but I deep down I don't want to lose him either."
"What did he say?" Melissa asked.
"It's not exactly what he said, it's what he implied. The night of our argument he made it sound like he blamed me for his garage fire, but…"
"He blames you for the garage fire that he's responsible for!" Mom interrupted. "Has he forgotten what you did for him and his sister that night and what it cost you?"
"A lot more happened that night than the people in this town know about. But none of it was Toby's fault." I defended him. "But ever since he said that he's been trying to tell me that he didn't mean it. I want to believe him but what he said just hurts so badly."
"Forgiving people is never easy." Melissa told me. "It doesn't erase the hurt, but at least you can move forward."
"Spencer, let me tell you something. When I found out about your father's affair…I thought about leaving him. But I stayed for you and Melissa. I know I'll never win a mom of the year award but I love both of you. And Toby loves you too, I can tell."
I never actually told my mom that Toby and I were dating or in love. When she caught us together the day of Ian's funeral she assumed we were just friends. But seeing the two of us together she must have figured it out and was obviously okay with it now.
"If he really loves me so much why would he say that?" I argued.
"Well, they say that words spoken in anger are never from the heart." Melissa commented.
"Yeah, but they also say that people speak the truth when they're angry. So which is it?" I asked in frustration.
"I guess you have to decide." Mom told me flat out without sugarcoating it. "Do you really believe that Toby would say something like that and mean it? And do you love him any less because of what he said?"
So Spencer is starting to believe Toby. Does she still love him? And will she forgive him? You'll find out Spencer's decision next chapter. I hope you liked this chapter even though things aren't good for Spoby. And how many enjoyed the mom-daughter moment between Veronica, Melissa, and Spencer? There's a big chapter coming up in the near future for Spencer and Melissa. It gives details on what happened the night Ali died so don't miss it. See you Tuesday!