Open Wounds

by 216BLT

AU: The past is the past. Puck, Santana, & Rachel Corcoran have moved on from theirs, but when their mother decides to take in a teen, old memories resurface. Also, new scars are made as they navigate through adolescence, ones that might not heal.

56. Chapter 56

littleredwritinggleek – I don't think Quinn tricked her body as much as her body tricked her – meaning she did not enjoy it at all but her body did things that she could not control. Never feel your questions are stupid. I love questions it no bother – please keep them coming. Thanks for the review.

JWilson18 – Thank you so much for your kind words. I am happy that you enjoy the story. Thanks for reviewing.

Guest – I agree her storyline was ruined in the show. They did handle the car accident terribly. Sorry but it wont be in this story. Shelby is too attentive of a mom. Thanks for the review.

Drea LuRuiz – I am glad you had a chance to catch up. I am so happy you still enjoy the story, Thanks for reviewing.

Guest – The holidays are coming soon. Please hang on – it's a new experience for some. Thanks for the review.

hannahginny – Thanks

Gleeks09 – Thank you so much I love your stories as well. Quinn and Rachel being home schooled with Holly and a little bit of Sugar should certainly cause some chaos. Thanks for the review.

Crying here – I'm sorry you find it so sad – thanks for reading and I am really sorry I lost a reader. Thanks for reading while you did.

Scout88 – I think the only reason Shelby questioned her parenting skills with Quinn is because there are so many layers to Quinn and Shelby is just reaching the surface. She thought she had a better handle on her but it is coming. Thank you as always for your wonderfully long reviews. I really love them and appreciate them! Quinn and Shelby's relationship is truly beautiful and I love writing them together. I'll talk a little bit about why Shelby had Quinn sleep with her. We'll also see more about Noah in this chapter and his future. As for Rachel, this is kinda of the beginning of something that won't see a clear end until the sequel. ….. enough said on that one.

Renata –As always you pay close attention to our little Rachel. You're nailing her on the nose. Thank you as always or your detailed reviews It means a lot. Rachel's story is something that is still developing. Keep her subtle struggles in mind for the sequel. The holidays coming up will be fun. I'm not sure when Quinn and Rachel will return to the doctor but they will eventually. Don't worry Bear will be in this a bit. :) Thanks as always.

broadwaybound2016 – Rachel will not become mute. I am so so happy that you enjoyed that chapter. I hope you like this one as much. Thanks for the review.

justanotherreaderr – Ok no reading in classes. You need to focus on them but I am so happy that you liked the chapter. I hope you are going to enjoy this one. Thank you for reviewing.

Kimberlli – I hope this one does it for you. This one has a little bit of everything I think. Thanks for the review.

OTHangels – Thank you

thelastcenturian – Thank you so much.

leamicheleisawesome – I am happy you found my story. Feel free to PM me with any questions or concerns you may have I love to hear from my readers. Thank you for the review.

Ryoko05 – Yes unfortunately in these cases the fix is not overnight and does take a long process I am glad you are still on this journey with me. Thanks for the review.

some thoughts – Wow I am blown away. Thank you so much. I am so glad you liked this last chapter. Quinn is finally feeling love in her life and to her that is such a strange feeling. Imagine being 16 and not feeling love from your family. She has to relearn the basic things over again. Thank you for your review.

lovecanbesostrange –Thank you for reviewing don't apologize for not commenting on every last thing just hearing from you and knowing that you're still reading is enough. We'll get a little more into Santana's head in this chapter. She is very much better able to cope with other people's issues than hers. For her not to run to after Rachel it was a huge thing. thank you for taking note of that lol I can see Rachel asking Santana what you asked. Sex is a concept that Rachel will continue to struggle with into the sequel. I like Gus too. I think he's great for Shelby's character. Thanks again for your responses!

Fangirl44 – It is very huge but is it a good thing or a bad thing? You will start to see Rachel change more and more but some of the changes are not for the better. Thanks for the review.

Doodle19 – Rachel will start to do that more and more – she is growing and is no longer just a little girl. But it may not always be for the better. Thanks for the review.

TommyH – Thank you as always!

UnicornsAndRainbows20089 – I am glad you enjoy! Thanks for the review.

marinka4 – Rachel will continue to ask but she may not always ask right away. I love Noah and especially in flashbacks. Thank you so much.

look4me – I like to keep my chapters at about this length but that is why they take me so long sometimes. Shelby does not joke when it comes to punishments – she wants to make sure the kids understand she means business. Quinn will learn that and maybe just maybe wont have to write too many more essays. She will need to learn to control herself better before Shelby can let her out of her sight. She needs to talk about her feelings more. If she had just run to a comfort place or something that would be one thing but she tends to put herself in danger lately and it is something Shelby has to control for now. She is just going to be out of school for the remaining part of the year – she is not stable enough to be in school right now. She does a lot of wandering. Thanks for the review.

dolphinluver46 – A little more of Noah and his football career in this chapter. Quinn has no choice with Shelby as a mom to be taking those meds. Rachel's reaction will be addressed but it is the start of her truly changing which in some ways is good but other ways bad. I am glad you liked this chapter. Thanks for the review.

TheCdKnight – Thank you so much for liking my story. I love to bounce ideas off other writers but I am not sure what kind of commitment I could give another story at this time. I have this current one and 2 or 3 others that I work on that are not published yet. PM me and we can chat. Thank you so much for reviewing.

NinjaGleek21 - Thanks as always for your cookies and support! I'm so grateful that you still read. Rachel will get some answers but not all.

Thank you so much for your patience! Please let me know what you think! Just to let all of you know, Rachel's journey and all of the kids journey's won't be neatly wrapped up in this story, even though this story is far from over. Just something to think about.

Chapter 56

Shelby waited and waited. She waited for about twenty minutes and then she heard a soft snore in the box. She sighed and gently opened the top of the lid. Rachel was asleep. Her small frame was leaning up against the edge of the box. Shelby sighed and decided that she would give her a bit before she woke her up.

She turned back to her bedroom. She began to clean up her room. Somehow it was a mess again and she reminded herself that the girls had slept in her bedroom. She looked at the messy bed and wondered if her children would always sleep with her. She desperately wanted them to achieve independence but a small selfish part of her was grateful that they still needed her.

She began to straighten the the room and she found herself suddenly refolding her clothes in her dresser. She needed something to keep her mind focused.

"Hey, there," she turned and spotted Bear standing at the entrance to her closet. Shelby sighed and led him out back through her room and into the hallway.

She looked at the clock. It had been over an hour. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "Thought I'd check in. Plus I need to take your parents to the the airport."

Shelby nodded. "Right," she said, remembering that they were flying back to Florida to settle things before returning to Lima for the entire holiday season... Shelby was tempted to stab herself in her eye at the seeming permanence of her parents' presence but she refrained.

"Don't worry," Bear smiled. "We set the guest bedroom up for them when they get back. We know it's our turn. I know that technically they were supposed to stay at our house I told Joey that and we'll deal with them. Rachel should have the option of sleeping in her room at the very least."

Shelby nodded. "I know they mean to help but-"

"You have a trial coming up. Not to mention one child is homeschooled because it's safer than high school and another kid is in a box in your closet," he smiled.

"Thanks," she said with a grimace. "She broke all of those plates downstairs, Bear. She didn't flinch and was unresponsive to everyone." Shelby pinched her brow. "The trial hasn't even started yet." She gave a defeated shrug. "It's only going to be downhill."

"I thought about what the ADA said," he sighed. "I think we do have to be honest with them." He winced at the thought. "It's hard for Rachel to talk and we've never pushed her to."

"And we shouldn't," Shelby said.

"You're a clinician though," Bear said gently. Shelby glared at him. "And the mother, sorry. But... I just... Rachel might be smashing plates and going silent not because she's being forced to talk but because so much is happening that she doesn't understand. This is the girl who needs to know how everything works and where everything comes from..." He shrugged. "She needs to know that more than anything about herself. You said yourself that she didn't ask questions because she was afraid of how we would react."

"Well, what i've learned is that applying reason to anger doesn't mean she won't feel it. I need to give the girls the right to feel what they feel." Shelby sighed and leaned against the wall. "I'm scared of the damage that this will do to her and Quinn …. and Noah and San too..." She looked at the pictures on the wall. There was one of all three of the kids sleeping on Leroy's shoulder about the same age. Leroy had made it into a collage about a year before their divorce. "I need to get more pictures of Quinn... Can … Do you think the Fabrays have them?"

Bear chuckled. "They don't strike me as the picture type, but I think you need to make your own memories of her here."

She shook her head. "You're right. I'll try to find my Canon somewhere... hmmm where did I put that?" Her mind was wandering. "I'm losing it. What did you say?"

"You're tired and stressed but you're going to get through this." he looked at her calmly.

As if fate were kicking her when she was down, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She sighed.

"Hello?"

"Shelby, this is Alicia."

The mother sighed. When did she give this woman her personal cell phone number?

The lawyer went on. "The motion for video testimony requires that they meet with a court appointed psychiatrist. I'll set up those appointments soon. I also want to schedule when a good time is to work with the girls individually...getting them ready for trial incase the video testimony doesn't work out...I have an opening early next week or later this week before the holiday. I still need to present how I'm approaching this case to the DA, but I really think that this is the best approach."

Shelby sighed. "Now's not really a good time."

"I don't know if there will ever be a good time. This is difficult to talk about."

"I understand that, but we have to talk about it."

Shelby realized in that moment that she shouldn't mention that Rachel was sleeping in a cardboard box. "Okay," she said honestly. "I just want to let you know that this is going to be difficult for them."

"I wouldn't expect it to be easy, but that's why we need to start," she said gently.

"I know," the mother stated.

"Alright, I'll email you with the details," she said quietly on the other end. "Talk to you later."

Shelby sighed and looked back at her closed door. "Okay," she said with a frown. "I need to get it together and go pick up San and Noah and -"

"I'll do that after I drop your parents off. Timing will be great. Don't worry about it."

She nodded. "Thanks." He nodded and began to walk away. "Hey, wait a minute do you still do that PSA with the elementary school?"

He frowned. "Which one?"

"The one with the M.E.," Shelby asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, who's in trouble now? I know you had that punishment saved for a rainy day."

"It's definitely raining," Shelby said.

"I'll set it up," he nodded. "For the girls?"

"Let's have all four of them do it. It'll be good for them," Shelby said.

He nodded and headed down the stairs. Shelby turned and headed back into the closet and saw that the box hadn't moved and there was still a gentle snore coming from in the box. She glanced at the clock and escaped into the bathroom to shower, hoping that Rachel wouldn't wake up or Quinn did not make Sugar cry...or Sugar didn't make Quinn cry. She sighed. Please behave for thirty minutes, she begged.

….

Quinn noted that there was one suitcase by the door. She frowned. Pop-Pop and Nana were going home with just that? She rolled her eyes. They were babysitting Shelby as much as Shelby babysitted all of them. Quinn frowned deeper. Didn't that annoy Shelby?

"Your face looks funny," Sugar said interrupting Quinn's thoughts.

"Everything about you looks funny," Quinn retorted.

"Quinn, enough," Helen said.

"Sugar, focus on your work please," Holly urged.

"It's time to leave this smelly place. It makes me think of Paula Deen's kitchen," she said as she looked at Helen. "Not that you're fat. You're 'healthy' but you should feed her more," she said as she poked Quinn's side. "It's time to leave."

Quinn shot out her palm and pushed Sugar out of her personal space with the heel of her hand by the younger girl's forehead. "Don't touch me, you urchin," she hissed.

"Quinn," Helen said with a frown.

"She started it," she said pushing at the girl who was now looking at her like she was an exhibit at the zoo.

"Act your age, please," Helen urged.

"What are you looking at, dopey?" she snapped as Sugar reached out to touch her hair. "Hands off, dwarf. I mean it."

"Sugar," Holly scolded. "Enough." She looked at Quinn. "I have set aside assignments for you and your sister and -"

"I know who you are!" Sugar said suddenly. "I read about you in the paper-"

Quinn felt the color drain from her face. She suddenly remembered that moment when she Googled the family when she first moved in. Her shame burned more deeply within her.

"Sugar, that's enough," the teacher stated.

The blonde bit her lip and looked away.

The young girl knitted her brow with confusion. "It's not. She's the head cheerleader. She's in the paper all of the time. They won the national championships last year."

Quinn looked at her with surprise and reluctant uncertainty. "That's what you read about me?"

Sugar shrugged. "What else would I read? There are only three sections to read: sports, comics and classifieds."

The blonde darted her eyes in confusion. "Classifieds?"

Sugar rolled her eyes. "That's where you find the puppies and kittens and bunnies for sale. Duh!"

Quinn looked at the girl and then the teacher and the older woman. Was this how this town would remember her or would Sugar be the only one? She remembered when they won last year. She sighed. That seemed like another lifetime; it seemed like another her. It was another her; the one she had to be in order to hide all of her pain from everyone that surrounded her.

"Can I go?" she asked. She stood and waved at Helen as Bear came into the room.

"Aren't you grounded?" he asked.

She glared at him.

He shook his head. "Shelby is upstairs with Rach."

Helen asked, "Want me to walk you up?"

"No," she said. "I can do it myself."

"Well, I don't think-" she began.

"Please," Quinn begged and snapped all at once.

"Don't push it," Helen said walking over to her and hugging her. "I already said goodbye to your mother, maybe I'll come up and say goodbye to Rachel-"

"I don't think she's in a talking mood," Quinn said pointing to the still broken pieces on the floor.

"Maybe I'll try," she said leading her upstairs.

"They're in Shelby's closet," Bear yelled after them.

Quinn frowned and followed Helen upstairs. Helen peaked into the closet but heard the shower going in the bathroom. Quinn's eyes settled on the box and suddenly she knew exactly where Rachel was. She looked over her shoulder and heard Shelby say that she would be out in a few minutes. Helen said that they had to go pick up Michael at Joey's house but that they would see them in a few days.

Quinn stopped listening as Shelby started telling her mother to wait a few minutes so she could say goodbye and then vaguely heard Helen telling her it wasn't needed. Quinn knew she had to stop trying to understand this family, and just start accepting them. They did not need long goodbyes. They didn't do anything like the "normal" families on television did. She gave the grandmother an uncomfortable shrug-wave combo and Helen gave the top of the box a small kiss. Eww, Quinn thought, don't kiss the box. Once Helen left Quinn sunk down and sat next to the box.

She put her hand on the outside of the box, pausing. "Rach?" she whispered. No response. She sighed and let her hand linger on the box. "Rach?"

It was silent. The blonde leaned back defeated against the wall.

"I don't like Sugar," Quinn said gently as she looked up at the ceiling noticing how neat and well-organized everything was in this room. "I get it now. I don't like her either... Listen... are you okay?" Still no answer. "Rach, you can't hide in boxes. Even though you look like you're eight, doesn't mean -"

"Quinn?" a little voice asked.

Her gaze snapped toward the box.

"Yeah?"

"Are you mad at me?" Rachel asked from inside the box.

"No," she said quickly. Her brows creased as she looked at the still closed box. "Were you faking being asleep when Nana was saying goodbye?"

"No," she mumbled. "I was just kinda asleep... Quinn?"

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Are you scared?" Rachel's voice was so small.

"Of what?" Quinn asked leaning her head back, pretending to be brave.

"Everything," Rachel mumbled.

She sighed and looked at her hands. "Rach?"

"Yeah?"

"Get out of the box," Quinn muttered.

"I can't," she whispered.

"Did you lose your ability to walk?" she said with a frown. "Rachel, life is hard, but it doesn't mean you can live in a box."

"I'm not living. I'm hiding," she snapped.

"Rachel, you can't hide in a box and you know it." She sighed. "Life sucks and then you die."

"That's a little harsh," Rachel said.

"It's true," Quinn muttered.

"If you lived under a rock," she replied.

"Says the girl in a box," Quinn bit back. She sighed. "Listen, life is scary and it's hard and -"

"I know that."

Quinn could hear the frown in Rachel's voice. "I know you do. But you believe in puppies and kittens and love, life can be more than crap if you give it a chance."

"I don't believe in that stuff," Rachel said opening the top flap of the box. "I want to, that's why I talk about it so much."

"Rachel, I'm starting to think that I'm going crazy because I'm talking to a box."

"Sugar thinks that you're crazy." Rachel paused.

Quinn could hear the insecurity in the other girl's voice. She sighed. "You asked me this morning about …. "

"Periods," she said all too quickly.

She sighed. Yeah..." she said. She pulled her knees up to her chest. "What do you want to know?"

Rachel opened the other flap of the box. "I don't know... what it's like... what you do..."

The blonde rested her chin on her knees. "I never had the talk... or a talk, I guess... um... I learned things mostly from books and …. the internet..." she said quietly. She looked up. "It hurts... um... like a bad stomach ache... cramps... and sometimes …. you feel fat..."

"But why couldn't you take off your clothes?" Rachel asked.

"Well, um... because... I mean I guess I could have, I was just insecure... I wanted an excuse..."

"Because of your tattoo?" Quinn closed her eyes in annoyance. She didn't want to talk about that. "Can I see it?" Rachel asked.

"No," she muttered.

A silence settled over them. Quinn was hoping that she was finally going to climb out of the box.

"Quinn?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry that I made you upset," she said honestly.

"For what?"

"To talk about your baby," she said.

Quinn felt the sudden urge to throw up. she barely noticed Rachel begin to peek out of the box.

"I ….. I …. I know I don't understand...but I know that it makes you upset and ….." Rachel slipped out of the box and sat next to her. Quinn still wasn't looking up. "I'm sorry that happened to you," she whispered taking her sister's hand.

Quinn's eyes were glossing over, it was becoming harder to see. "Me too," she whispered.

"Hey."

The girls looked up and Shelby was in a fresh shirt and a pair of jeans. She scrunched down in front of them and cupped their cheeks. "Can we get off of the floor?" she smiled.

Rachel looked at Quinn who nodded. Shelby helped them up and led them to the bed. "So," Shelby said trying to be relaxed. "Let's talk."

"About what?" Rachel asked. "Periods?"

Quinn groaned. She didn't want to hear this. Rachel looked and their mother all too eagerly.

"Well, they're regular and normal and are sadly uncomfortable but they shouldn't be unbearable." Shelby looked at Quinn.

"Are yours regular and uncomfortable but not unbearable?" Rachel asked, quoting her mother.

Quinn shrugged. "No... not really, but I've heard that..." Her eyes darted around.

"What?" Shelby asked.

The blonde sighed. "I heard that... it's not … regular until you're older," she said quietly. She shrugged. "Whatever."

Shelby sighed. "Your bodies are all different, just as they all go through different things. But They're sacred."

Rachel looked at Quinn. "Doesn't feel like it..." the older girl said.

"You need to take care of your bodies and you," Shelby began. "and sometimes... your bodies feel disjointed … like they're betraying you..."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Rachel muttered.

Quinn looked down at her. "What do you want to talk about?"

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know... I just... Can you talk to Quinn about it,Mumma?... sex I mean? That's what you're talking about, right?" She looked up at Shelby and Quinn from where she was leaning into Shelby's side.

"Why just Quinn?" she asked.

"Because it doesn't apply to me," she said with a sigh. "I'll always be … me... and I'll never have sex..."

Shelby sighed. "Alright," she looked at both girls. "I think you'll be ready when you're ready, but I'm going to ask you a favor. Something that's really important." Quinn looked at her with a tilt of her head; Rachel mirrored the curious look. "I know that to ask you to be honest with me is hard to ask, but promise me you'll always be honest with yourself. I love you two more than I can say and I can tell there is so much going on in your heads, but we're a team, okay? I know that things are going to be scary with the trial and you don't have to tell me every overwhelming feeling but you have to tell me when you need some time... If you need to hide in a box or if you just need some space." She touched the end of Rachel's nose lightly. "I'll be with you every step of the way."

Shelby looked at the girls. In her head she expected a smile... or even a hug. She received blank stares in return.

She sighed. "I know that this is scary and that emotions are all over the place but I need you to know that what you feel... is okay. Granted, Rachel, you'll need to clean up down stairs and Quinn, you still need to do those essays about the tattoo, but do you understand what I'm saying? I know it can be hard to articulate." She shrugged. "I mean your sister has broken many a lamp in her day and Noah has broken one too many noses." Quinn and Rachel smiled. "It's not funny," Shelby said trying to contain her own smile. "We should all try to not break things to express ourselves... at least without notice."

A perplexed looked washed over Rachel. "I should have told Nana I was going to break the plates? Because I didn't know... It just happened..."

Shelby thought for a moment and she could feel the girls looking at her. "Not exactly, but tell me what you're feeling like you could burst. I know that you might not always know, but you should try. I just... You both apologize more than anything and I don't want you to feel badly for that." She searched their eyes for confirmation that they understood. "I'm simply saying that you don't need to. Okay?"

The room was silent for a moment. Shelby was sure she was talking to a wall when finally Rachel spoke. "I'm sorry we apologize so much," she said quietly.

Quinn reached over and gave her a light nudge. Shelby rolled her eyes thinking that she hadn't made an impact but was then interrupted again.

"I... um... I'm glad that …. I'm not in school, but I don't know if I want to be here..." Quinn said honestly.

Rachel looked at her in surprise. "Why?"

The blonde shrugged. "I just... I want to be here... safe... at home, but..." Shelby could tell the girl was trying to share; she was attempting to follow direction for the mother more than for herself. "I'm scared that I want to be here because I'm too tired and scared of being out there more than because I actually want to be here."

Rachel soaked in her words, unsure. "You're hiding in the house like... I hid in the box?" she asked. Quinn's eyes locked with Rachel and the tiny girl continued. "Like I'm already hiding in the house." Her voice was tiny and quiet.

"Yeah," Quinn whispered. "I think so."

Shelby felt as if the girls had forgotten she was there and that they were talking over her.

Rachel thought for a moment. "I think it's okay if I hide. Mom lets us wait until we come out. We will eventually... we just have to give it time."

Quinn tilted her head. "Or you could live alone for the rest of your life with a house full of cats being your only company."

Shelby looked at the elder girl with a sigh.

"I like cats," Rachel said thoughtfully, considering what Quinn said.

"Rachel, we don't want to be losers," Quinn began.

"You can have lots of cats and not be a loser," Rachel said with a frown.

"Let me know when you find one," she retorted again.

"Okay, enough, we've deterred from our original point," Shelby said. She looked at them cautiously. "You're not losers and you never will be."

"You don't count," Quinn said.

"Yeah, you're bias," Rachel frowned.

Another silence settled over them. "Am I in trouble?" Rachel asked suddenly.

Shelby looked at her. a sheet of panic was washing over Rachel's face.

"We do need to talk about what happened," Shelby said.

"I can go," Quinn said getting up.

"No, don't," Rachel said. "I don't want to talk about it because I don't know what … why... " She looked at the two women. "It just happened. It was like... I felt... full...but I couldn't concentrate on anything... I couldn't feel anything and all I wanted to do was break those plates..."

Shelby nodded. "I can understand that. Do you know what your mind was full with?"

She shook her head. "No..."

Shelby sighed. "We can talk about it more when you do figure it out. I know that you are feeling overwhelmed, but it's not going to end." She looked at the girls as she turned the conversation again. "You need to talk to the people involved with this trial the best that you can when they ask you about what happened..."

"What if we don't want to?" Quinn asked.

"I know you don't want to." The mother looked at the girls. "But you need to try the best that you can."

Rachel chewed her lip and Quinn looked at her with a tiny smile. "We need to try, Rach." She took her hand. "Okay?"

She remained silent but lifted her head quietly, indicating that she would try.

"Alright, Rachel," Shelby said, shifting. "You need to start on an apology letter to Nana and say goodbye to Holly and Sugar as well as apologize to them."

She shook her head. "Sugar?"

"Yes, Sugar. You interrupted the lesson. You need to apologize to them tomorrow."

She groaned. "Fine..."

Shelby stood and led them down the stairs and Rachel could not help but wish she was back in the box, not for its safety, but its refuge from having to apologize to Sugar.

….

Santana walked over to Brittany in confidence. Her heart still beating wildly at the sight of her.

"Hey," Brittany smiled when she saw her approach. "What's up? I haven't seen you for most of the day."

Santana rolled her eyes. "I know I was with Sue for most of it. It was silly. She was lecturing me on shit that I can't remember... and …. making me captain..."

Brittany frowned. "Captain, Captain? Is Quinn okay?"

Santana nodded. "Our mom pulled her out of school." Brittany continued to look at her with a confused frown. Santana leaned back against the lockers. "Finn was being a douche to her and yeah..."

"Did she catch you for skipping yesterday?" the blonde asked.

"What do you think?" Santana said the an indignant frown. .

Brittany smiled. "I don't know. You managed to miraculously hide from her for two months that you started your period when you were twelve. That's a lot to hide in Shelby-land." The blonde leaned against the lockers and looked into her eyes. "So your mom pulled Quinn but not you and Noah?"

The brunette shrugged. "We're fine. Quinn was the one that needed help."

She reluctantly collected her words. "Quinn isn't the only one that needs help..."

Santana shook her head. "I'm fine."

"You're not. I saw what happened yesterday day..." Santana looked at her with confusion and Brittany. "What happened before you skipped out... "

"I..." Santana followed her arms protectively in front of her. "He just slapped my ass and said something that I'm sure my nana could come up with." She rolled her eyes and waved her hand to pretend it didn't matter. She saw Brittany's look of dubious concern. "I'm sorry I didn't come find you..."

"You didn't need to..." she said sharply but then retreated. "I'm sorry." She looked at Santana honestly. "You needed her... You needed your family." She saw Santana look at her hesitantly and Brittany reached out and took her hand. "It's scary for me too."

Santana shook her head. "I'm sorry," she with more fortitude. "Yeah, those guys gave me a hard time, but I took care of it."

Brittany gave a sheepish smile. "You did. You walked away." Her smile melted. "I'm worried for you. … People are saying shit about you and -"

"Are they saying it about you?" she asked with a snap.

"No... Yes," she said with a frown. "But it's not as bad. I still hang out with the girls and we have each other's backs but you're still figuring out how to pull it together and it worries me... because you're doing it alone and I … If you want to do it alone, maybe you should ask your mom to let you …. leave..."

"Do you want me to?" she asked brokenly.

"No," Brittany stated. "Of course not." She took her hand. "I just... You need to do what you need to do to stay afloat."

"I want to be here with you," Santana said. "She asked me," she continued with a wider, more confident smile. "I want to be here with you. Quinn …. I worry about her... and maybe I can focus a little more on me... Quinn didn't get the choice but I did. It's not safe for her here. With the trial and everything.. she just can't..." She smiled. "I want to stay here with you. This is where I get to see you."

Brittany nodded and pulled her close and flipped of a random glare of a bitch who passed by. "You gotta start letting me love you back."

"I'll work on it," Santana said with a grin.

"Good." The pulled away and looked at her. She smoothed out her skirt nervously. "...This isn't easy for me."

"I know," Santana said quickly. "I'm sorry if I ever acted like it wasn't."

Brittany took a deep breath and began to pick at her cuticles nervously. "No one teaches you that when... when you … come out-"

"Or you're shoved out of the closet," Santana retorted leaned back.

"Yeah," she smiled sheepishly and thoughtfully as her smile faded in thought. "No one tells you how hard this is..."

"No one ever does," Santana whispered taking a nervous hand from her.

"I didn't think that I could do this... I … I didn't think..." She trailed off and took a breath. "Sometimes I don't think I'm in love with my best friend. Sometimes I think... maybe I'm not … I'm not gay and I didn't change my life … I even... I sat at lunch all day yesterday staring at the group of guys-"

"The hipsters?" Santana laughed, knowing what group Brittany was gawking at.

"Yeah," she laughed. She shook her head as her smile faded once again. "I didn't feel anything... I just... Sometimes I wonder if I saw you more often, held your hand and just saw you I would know... I would remember how I am... " she laughed embarrassed. "I'm not making sense."

"You are," she said quickly trying to calm her. "I …. I always wonder if this is my life and who I am... but I have never been more sure about anything than I am about you."

Brittany chewed her bottom lip tearfully. "I should be sure. I should know. Love should be blind... and true and clear..."

Santana shrugged one shoulder. "It can be all those things. It can be safe and true and perfect but it can be confusing and hurtful and hard... and I … I wish I could make it clear for you."

She took a deep breath. "But you can't... We can try together."

Santana nodded. "Absolutely." She looked down at her hands. "I don't know how much you can be there... but... I would love for you to be..." She shrugged. "And I want to be here for you too. Anything you need... I'll try my best."

"I know you will," Brittany smiled. "And so will I."

…

Quinn frowned. How was it that she worked all day on school work and still had school work all at once? Dinner had been quiet and then now homework seemed endless. Maybe someday she wouldn't be grounded and she could channel surf. Here she was fantasizing about channel surfing. She felt relief wash over her when it was announced that they needed to get ready for bed. She started to follow Rachel up the stairs but was stopped.

"Hold on, San and Quinn, we need to have a chat," Shelby said.

Santana let out a groan.

"Cut the attitude and come back down here please."

They both sighed and sat back down at the table. Shelby crossed her arms and placed the box of cigarettes on the table. Quinn couldn't help but glare at Santana.

"So, let's talk about whose these are."

Quinn wasn't sure what she was going to say. She was pretty sure that Santana would cover for her but she didn't want her to take the fault for it either.

"Before either of you try to come up with an excuse, I want to let you know that I was smoking the two of you out. No pun intended." She calmly stated.

"What?" Santana asked with a glare.

"I know you occasionally smoke Santana," Shelby said with her strangely calm voice. The girl looked at her in confusion more than attempting to denying it.

"WHAT!" Quinn asked. She turned to look at Santana. "You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Shhh," Santana hissed putting her finger up in Quinn's face and turning back to their mother. "I'm not a smoker."

"But you smoke," Shelby said in her obnoxiously calm voice.

"Only when I'm super stressed... wait.. How did you...?" Santana shook her head rapidly and put her hands up in front of her.

"I. am. Mom." Her voice was staccato. "I know everything," she said with a steely glare.

"Well, if you knew then why didn't you say anything before?"Santana countered.

"For your information, young lady, I do not owe you an explanation," Shelby said crossing her arms. "The fact is I do know. And I know both of you are doing it and both of you are still going on the roof. It all stops now."

"Mom, cigs don't kill," Santana said causing her to receive a push on her arm from Quinn.

"They're cancer sticks," Quinn hissed quoting her sister from the other day.

"Bite me," the brunette barked.

"Enough," Shelby said. "The two of you will have a four thousand word essay." Quinn opened her mouth in protest, but Shelby cut her off. "Yes, it's happening with your other essays. You'll manage." She shook her head. "Listen, girls. I understand your desire for space and need to be above things but the roof just isn't safe. I'm sorry. Your uncle has offered to repair the tree house out back. You are able to have time for yourselves, but I just need to know where you are at all times. I can't not know." She held up the cigarettes. "As for these, your punishment for them is tomorrow. Because I think it'll be beneficial for Noah and Rach they're going too."

"Going? Going where?" Santana asked.

"You'll see," she said with a sigh.

Santana huffed and started to leave the room and stopped at the stairs. She turned with a heavy sigh. "Am I grounded too?"

"Do you need to be?" Shelby countered. Santana deflated. "Don't push your luck."

Santana shook her head and climbed the stairs. Quinn looked over at Shelby. She was more angry at Santana than the fact that she was caught.

"Quinn?"

"Wh..What?" she asked looking up at her.

Shelby sighed. "No more smoking okay? I'm serious. If you're willing we can explore other ways to relieve stress."

The girl shrugged. "Whatever." She started toward the stairs and she could hear the mother following. She paused. "Why did you have me sleep in your room with you before?"

Shelby shrugged. "That's always an option. It's never something that I'll force you to do."

Quinn shook her head. "I .. sleep better with you... but isn't that weird? Me sleeping in your bed. I'm not even your kid and... it's weird."

The mother gave a soft smile. "Rachel and Santana still sleep with me on occasion. Even Noah every once in a blue moon, but don't tell him that I told you." she looked at her quietly. "I had you sleep with me because I knew that you wouldn't ask and I especially knew that you felt badly from your day and you would stay up thinking too much. You have the right to sleep alone tonight but you're always welcome to ask for some company."

The blonde girl frowned. "I don't know how to ask for that, but it makes me feel better...Is it something that we have to keep secret?" Shelby looked at her questioningly. "Sharing a bed with a parent at this age is … inappropriate right?"

Shelby frowned. "It can be misinterpreted yes, but what matters is that you're comfortable with it. You're the one that's in charge. You're still very much grounded but I still love you. You're still my daughter and you will always have a choice of where you sleep in this house. Okay?"

Quinn nodded. "Okay."

…

Later that night, after cleaning up and after a quiet dinner, Rachel found herself finishing getting ready for bed in the bathroom. As always Rachel and Quinn lingered longer at the table than everyone else. Shelby had talked with Rachel about taking a temporary leave from veganism and Rachel compromised to move more toward a vegetarian diet. Tonight she had homemade noodles and broth that her grandmother had made for them earlier in the day. She had never seen her mother so pleased as she was as Rachel ate the homemade egg noodles without much argument even though she took awhile to eat. Rachel was dawdling in the bathroom because she knew her mother would come find her to do the cream soon.

Rachel wiped her face with the towel and stared at herself in the mirror. Quinn and Santana were still talking downstairs with Shelby. Rachel passed through Santana's vacant room and went across the hallway to her room. She stared at her bed. Her Nana had been staying there with Pop-Pop. Maybe she should try to sleep in here too. That's what she should do, right? That is what other kids her age did.

"Hey, bug."

She turned and looked up at Noah. "Hi," she mumbled.

"What's up?" he asked ruffling her hair.

"Nothing," she shrugged.

"Liar," he chuckled.

"Are you excited for your game?" she asked as she climbed onto her bed.

"Yeah?" he laughed. "You don't care about my game."

"Yeah, I do," she frowned. "It's a big game." She narrowed her eyes with a mischievous smile. "I know about the scouts."

His smile faded. "I don't need to worry about that." He poked her nose. "And neither should you."

"You're going to do great," she smiled. "You're going to get at least 100 yards running today and intercept at least a pass on defense." Rachel looked at her brother. "You are the only one on your team that plays almost every play of the game on offense and defense Noah, they are coming to see the superstar in action."

Noah smirked. "You don't know that."

"You're really great at what you do," she grinned. "You'll never stop being good at what you do."

"You're coming to the game?" he asked. She gave a quiet nod. He frowned, knowing what that meant. "Rach, you don't have to..."

"I want to," she muttered. "Bear said that because Nana and Pop-Pop aren't going to be there that we have to record the game together and I have to hold the camera."

"You?"

She nodded. " ….. I want to..."

"Rachel," he said with a frown. "I want you to feel safe and being at the school might be too scary for you, I understand that."

She shrugged. "I want to be there to see you," she muttered.

She leaned against his side as he wrapped his arm around her.

"Are you freaking out about stuff?" he asked quietly.

Rachel deflated. "You mean the plates?" She looked at her hands. "I … I guess so... I'm just... I'm stuck."

"You're definitely not stuck," he said gently. "You know how I know?" she looked at him with a frown. "You're not hiding under the stairs."

"I was hiding in a box earlier today," she said bluntly.

"True, but you came out," he smiled.

She took a hold of his hand. "I want to try harder for you."

"Rachel, you don't have to..." he said gently.

She looked at him. "You're not a Lima loser, Noah. This is your chance. It's not just that this will give you something to look forward to and will help you get out of here... This is your chance to be you..."

He laughed nervously suddenly feeling vulnerable with his insightful baby sister. "I am me."

"No, you're like an abbreviated version of you..." She shrugged. "Football is the only time where you forget that you're you..."

"I don't forget, Rach," he smiled. "It's just the one thing that I'm good at."

"You're the best brother," she smiled.

"I'm the only brother you have," he chuckled.

"But I always want you to be Noah... not just my brother," she said looking at him.

"Rach, I don't understand." He was looking around the room uncomfortably unsure about how they went to talking about football to losers to being Noah, but not her brother?...

"I might always be the kid in the box, Noah, but I promise that I will always be if you don't ever try to do anything else..."

"I don't understand," he said again.

"If you don't move on, how can I?" she asked honestly.

A knock interrupted them and they looked up and Shelby was looking at them with a smile. "Hey, you ready for bed?"

Rachel nodded. Noah leaned down and kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "See you in the morning, bug."

She watched as her big brother left the room. The bed dipped slightly.

"You alright?"

She gave a quiet nod.

Shelby pulled her close and rested her chin on top of her head. "I know you're scared, bug," she whispered. "That's okay." Rachel remained silent. "All of this is scary, but I wanted to let you know that I'll be here every step of the way. You can always ask me any questions. Your period can be scary but I promise if you think there is anything wrong we'll ask and see..."

Rachel bit her lip. "When... When do you think that it'll happen?"

"I don't know," she said. "It's different for everyone. Your sister and I started around the same age... but... your aunt Joey started a few years later."

"I... um..." she paused. "I remember."

"What?" she asked softly.

"When... when I was still wearing …. " Rachel bit her lip. She was so embarrassed that she was still in diapers up until she was five. "... I remember... um... wearing my princess Pull Up... Remember? The one with Belle on the front... and Jasmine?"

Shelby nodded. "I do," she said quietly.

"You let me go by myself and we were at the grocery store... and you waited outside the stall with Santana and Noah and... when I went to there and pulled down my Pull-Up..."

Rachel bit her lip... remembering the panic that she felt in that moment.

Rachel gripped onto Santana's hand tightly as they walked into Target. She was five and knew three things about Target: it was very red; the ceilings were high; and Mommy and Santana are hard to see if they go in another aisle so she had to hold a hand at all times. She squeezed Santana's hand tighter to make sure that it was still there.

"Are you sure you don't like this?" Mumma asked pointing at a toy on the shelf.

"Mom, those are dumb," Santana said with an eye roll. Sanny was mad today because they were shopping for Noah and not for Sanny. Rachel looked at the toy. She thought it looked like fun... it was big... and it flew... and it had batteries and a remote. She turned her gaze towards her sister who was still making her pinched face with her eyes small and her lips squeezed together. Rachel tried to mimic it but it made her face hurt. She looked at her mother with a shrug.

"Noah is a big boy. Maybe he wants a big boy toy."

"Rach, he's eleven," Santana said with a frown. "He's not a big boy... " Rachel looked at her mother and then back at her sister not sure what her big brother was if he wasn't a big boy on his birthday. "He's just... Noah." She reached out. "How about this?"

Santana was pointing at a matchbox car hanging on the shelf. Rachel heard her mother sigh. She wasn't happy. Rachel shifted slightly. She felt that her Pull Up was wet. She looked at the tiles on the floor. She just started Kindergarten... No one else wore Pull ups, but Mumma said no one could tell because hers were special but .. She could tell.

"Bug?" Mumma called.

She sighed. "Mumma, I have to go to the restroom," she said with as much of a grown up voice as possible.

They led her to the bathroom.

She looked toward the stalls. She hated going potty at the store. The toilets were too big and sometimes she couldn't get the big stall with the metal handles in the stall. She wanted to do it by herself. Ever since her Mumma found the diapers in the back of Rachel's closet after Rachel tried to change herself after accidents, her Mumma wouldn't let her go to the bathroom alone.

"I can go by myself," she said once she reached the bathroom.

Mumma looked at her in the way that Mumma looked at kids when they do things they shouldn't. "Rachel, we can ask for help. It's okay to need help."

She tried her best to mimic her sister's angry face and Santana started to laugh and her Mumma looked at her with a sigh. She didn't want them to react that way.

"I'm a big girl," Rachel said. "I want to do it by myself."

"And you can, Rachel, but I want to be there if you need help," Mumma said.

"Mom," Santana whined. "She's going to pee her pants if you argue with her."

"No! I can do it by myself."

Mumma breathed like a dragon who was trying not to breath fire... Like in Shrek, Rachel thought with a tilt of her head. Mumma opened the stall door. "You cannot lock it but you can go in alone and we will wait here."

"No, wait outside in the hallway," Rachel said feeling a strange feeling in her diaper.

Mumma looked at her with a look that meant that Rachel couldn't argue. She turned and walked into the stall hoping that the big bars were there. She didn't want to fall in. Those toilets were big. She closed the door but didn't lock it and pulled down her pink pants. She frowned. Her Princess Pull Up felt wet. She smiled back at Belle and Jasmine who were upsidedown and looking at her from the front of the diaper. They always smiled. She couldn't ask her Mumma for a new Pull Up without her knowing... Maybe she would just take it off... and then... say that she lost her diaper. She looked at the big toilet. Maybe she would say that it fell in the toilet. Sometimes the stickers on the side came undone. She nodded. She would throw it in the toilet. The toilets at Target were loud and scary and it could definitely eat her Pull Up like it ate her pee.

She looked at the toilet to make sure that the seat was down. One time her brother forgot to put the seat down and she fell in. Mumma came running into the bathroom looking scared but when she saw Rachel in the toilet she smiled. Rachel never understood why she did that.

"Rachel? Sweetheart what are you doing?" Mumma's voice rang through the stall door.

"Nothing," she said quietly and undid one side of the pull up. They made these things Mommy proof. The stickers were so loud.

"Rachel, you don't need to undo it. You just pull it down. Honey, what are you doing?"

"Don't come in!" she screeched.

Rachel could hear her mother sigh again. "A few more seconds and then I'm coming in."

The five year old sighed and pulled the half undone Pull-Up down. Her eyes widened and she felt her heart beating in her ears. How was it in her ears?

She let out a tiny scream.

When she had an accident her diaper was yellow... this time it was red.

She started to sob. Why was it red?!

Rachel blinked and looked up at her mother. "I remember that I was bleeding."

"Rachel, that's because you had a kidney infection. That's when we found out that you had a very high tolerance for pain and that's why you were able to last that long with the infection that you had later." Shelby stared down at her unsure daughter. "It might be a bit of a surprise at first but it won't be like that. We'll figure it out and you can always ask." She continued to see Rachel's hesitation. "Let me ask you something."

"Okay," she said quietly.

"How many women do you know? You don't have to like them but just think about it." Rachel visually demonstrated that she was thinking hard. Shelby chuckled and went on. "Periods can be hard to understand but I promise that almost every woman goes through them and the women before them and the women before them."

Rachel frowned. "But I read that things can go badly and sometimes they're not -"

"Sweetheart, if you would like you can do a research project on it, but I'm going to give you the materials to read okay? I would really rather you not research this on your own."

Rachel leaned against her mother tiredly, knowing that she would need to do the cream. She had somehow gotten used to it. She didn't like it but she was used to it. Maybe that was what periods would be like too.

….

The next day or so went on too slowly in Quinn's opinion. She was ready to explode. She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. That was an understatement. Rachel was undeniably grouchy. Much to everyone's surprise she attempted to sleep alone, which only ended in Santana sleeping in Quinn's bed and then Quinn gettng kicked out of her bed when Rachel crawled in. As a result, Quinn crawled into Shelby's bed only to be woken up with Santana and Rachel climbing in at approximately four in the morning. It was like musical chairs... only with beds.

Nevertheless, it left Quinn grumpy and having to sit next to the Flour made her even more irritated. She rolled her eyes; with a name as silly as Sugar, Quinn had decided she could be tolerated with being called another baking product.

"Quinn, are you finished?"

She looked up. "I finished this project," she said slightly impressed with herself that she was able to finish her 'punishment essay' about tattoos so soon. With restriction from the internet, she had to kill a lot of trees to print out her articles. Rachel told her she was killing trees with her choices.

Holly was talking to her about her homework for the evening and what she needed to do for tomorrow. She had been understanding for the most point about all the essays that Shelby has been giving to her and Quinn was grateful for that.

Quinn sighed in relief as Sugar's rambling started to calm as she was told to put on her coat.

"Yes!" Quinn said as she raised her hands in the air. She looked over at Rachel who was frowning at her. She gave a sheepish shrug. "I'm just really excited about this essay and even more so about this field trip."

Rachel scowled and rubbed her eye. She was tired. Quinn looked over at her and was almost sure that she would fall asleep before they arrived at wherever they were going for their field trip. Quinn was right because Rachel fell asleep on their way to wherever they were going.

"You guys suck," Noah hissed at her as they rode to their punishment field trip. "You're lucky that we didn't have practice today."

"Oh cry me a river," Santana hissed.

"All of you stop," Shelby said. "Can someone wake up Rachel please?"

"Why are we here?"

"You'll see," Shelby said as she climbed out of the car. They walked quietly into the building and followed signs toward the Medical Examiner's office.

"Are we going to see dead people? Dead bodies of dead people?"

"Can you see live bodies of dead people?" Rachel asked. She frowned. "Wait, don't answer that."

Santana looked at Quinn. "How bad can it be?"

….

Santana closed the door behind her as they all walked back to the car about an hour later.

"I hate you both," Noah said for what felt like the millionth time as he frowned with his arms crossed.

"I …. I … I don't think it was that bad..." Rachel said thoughtfully only to receive glares from her siblings. "I'm just saying the compare and the contrast is important..."

Santana glared as she thought back to what they just saw. "That was disgusting."

"I just wanted to peel it off," Quinn thought thinking back at the tarred lungs that they just saw.

"That's what you did to your lungs," Rachel protested. "If I see another cigarette in your hands, I'll cut 'em off."

The family looked at Rachel in surprise. "I don't choose not to breathe and by smoking you choose to make yourself not breathe." She frowned at her sisters. "No, smoking. No No NO." She walked ahead of them with a stomp.

"At least they didn't make us compare livers of drinkers," Noah whispered to the girls.

"I heard that," she hissed back at them.

Santana frowned and looked at Quinn. "I always thought I was going to be a doctor. Now I think not."

"Throwing up when we were forced to feel the tarred lungs demonstrated that," Quinn retorted. "That was super gross by the way."

"Thanks," she sneered. "I clearly blew chunks for you."

"Don't ever say that again," she said quickly. "No more smoking?" she half asked and half said.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Apparently so because if we do we'll lose our hands."

….

Rachel talked about the field trip for the next forty-eight hours and every time Santana gagged. Finally, there was something else to distract her but Santana felt badly that she was so grateful for the distraction because it was causing the young girl anxiety.

Santana looked back at the bleachers. They hadn't arrived yet.

"What's wrong?"

She turned and saw Brittany smirking at her. Santana smiled. She was so beautiful.

"What?" Brittany blushed.

"Nothing," she said embarrassed. She pointed over her shoulder. "I'm just waiting to see if my family was here."

Brittany nodded. "Are they nervous having to be here? Rach and Quinn I mean."

Santana gave a subtle shrug. "Sorta but she's pretending not to be because she's her and then Rachel's trying to too and failing."

"But they wanted to come or did your mom make them?"

The brunette gave a soft smile. "They wanted to be here for Noah." She rolled her eyes. "My family is so cheesy."

"You love it," Brittany laughed.

"How are you?" she asked. "Ready for this game?"

Brittany smiled. "I'm good. I'm sad that I won't see you most of break but I'm happy to see you now."

Santana smiled and leaned forward and pulled her into a huge. "I'm always happy to see you." She tucked her cheek next to the blonde's; she didn't want to let go. she heard a jerk behind them sneer. "We're going to get out of here, you and me," she whispered.

"I know," Brittany whispered back.

Santana pulled away. "Go suck your own dick," she called after the guy. She took Brittany's hand with one and flipped him off with the other. She smiled back at Brittany. "Even though I'm grounded maybe you can come over for the festivities."

Brittany laughed as the girl rolled her eyes. "You know I do love your family's 'Christmas Pre-Game.'"

Santana smiled. "It's one of a kind."

"There they are," Brittany pointed as the Range Rover pulled into the parking lot.

….

Quinn looked around at the crowded parking lot. This was one of the biggest games of the season. It was the Friday before Thanksgiving and it was as if everyone in Lima was at this game. It was a big deal but Quinn also considered the fact that there were very few other things to do in this town.

Shelby climbed out and opened the backdoor. "I want you girls with me at all times," Shelby said as Rachel climbed out. The crowds hadn't gathered yet. Shelby had purposefully gotten there early so that they weren't fighting the crowd, but instead they would be watching the crowd itself from the stands.

Quinn rolled her eyes. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to be far far away from here.

Rachel's eyes were darting around, unsure. She kept looking back at the parking lot as they neared the football field.

"Rach, you'll settle with me first and then your uncle will come and get you," Shelby said leading the girls up the stairs of the bleachers.

Quinn rolled her eyes. She didn't want to be there. She didn't want to be at school, but she did want to be at the game. She wanted to see Noah play. She just preferred that everyone else didn't see her there. Shelby was talking to Rachel about the importance of staying with Bear. Bear finally showed up and Rachel followed him quietly down to the field. She wasn't that jealous of Rachel getting to help film. Quinn was grateful the crowd would camouflage her. She spotted the Cheerios getting ready. She didn't feel jealous. She didn't feel on the outside. She always felt on the outside in her own way, but now that she actually was she felt better.

"Do you want some food? I want some food!"

She looked up and Joey was sitting to her right and Shelby was sitting to her left. She frowned. She used to have dignity in this school.

"She would love some food!" Shelby said with a grin. Quinn rolled her eyes. Shelby also had brought a cooler full of food. Some of it was for Rachel but she knew that it was also for her. Of course, Joey ran down the bleachers on her way to get nachos, pretzels, hot dogs and other gross things. Quinn rolled her eyes. She was sure that Joey was a garbage disposal in another lifetime. Shelby then began to rant about all the contents of the cooler. She was saying something about cider and banana bread and fruit and snack bars. Quinn couldn't concentrate on what she was saying. She was watching the crowd come in. A few students stared at her. Others were taking double takes physically asking if it was really her.

"... We will be going to a nutritionists soon and you and Rachel are going to be taking nutrition as a subject at home," Shelby said. Her voice penetrating through her rambling thoughts.

"What?" she asked looking at her.

"I know you don't want to be here," Shelby began quietly as a few people walked past them on the bleacher row.

"It's freaking me out a little bit," she said biting her lip in embarrassment. "But... I wanted to watch the game and I... I know I couldn't be left alone at home..."

"True," Shelby said pulling out the blanket and draping it across the two of them. "I never thought I would end back in Lima either, you know? I just... I thought I would sing myself to Broadway and everything would be so much better than it was in high school. It's strange for me to be here a lot too."

"They had the same building back then?" Quinn asked with a chuckle.

"Thank you very much," Shelby said straightening. "They did indeed." She looked at the girl honestly. "You're so much bigger than this school, Quinn. I know that it's embarrassing to sit up here with me and not be a part of things socially."

"I'm not embarrassed to be with you," Quinn interjected. Shelby arched a brow. "Maybe a little. I just... I don't fit in anymore... before I could pretend but being here just feels strange. You know?"

"Trust me," she chuckled. She pointed to a family down front with two young children and a sullen pre-teen. "See that family there?" Quinn followed her gaze and nodded. "The father went out with that mother sitting with her daughter over there. They were so in love in high school thinking about it makes me want to throw up. Before the internet, us, Lima losers, had our own celebrities." She pointed to another couple. "The Johnsons over there. They were married right after high school. They were a part of a little scandal because they had a baby five months after they were married." Shelby pulled Quinn close. "We don't all chose to be here in Lima and maybe someday you'll decide to have a family and go to your son's football game or your daughter's cheerleading competition here in Lima, but I don't think you will, Quinn. You are much bigger than these bleachers."

Quinn smiled and rested her head on her shoulder. "So are you," she whispered. She looked up at Shelby who was thoughtfully staring at the field in front of her. "I don't think you're a Lima Loser."

"Thanks, kiddo," Shelby glowed.

…

Noah looked around the field in front of him. The crowd was loud and crazy; the bleachers were full. The glare of the lights seemed to be the only light for miles. He knew if they won this game then they would be going on to playoffs. It was unquestioningly one of the most important games he had ever played. He looked up at the stands and found his mother and Quinn chatting about something. His eyes scanned the crowd again and he saw his aunt chatting with a group of other fancy women; his mother told him to call them "professionals" and not fancy. However he believed that that made them sound like hookers. Santana was on the sidelines with a group of Cheerios and Brittany's hand in hers as they all giggled about pom-poms or whatever girls giggled about. Finally, his eyes rested on Rachel who was perched on Bear's shoulders with a cam-corder in hand. She had her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth as if it were helping her concentrate.

He loved football or more accurately he liked playing it. It was where everything else fell away. There was so much going on in his head. Although Rachel never came crying to him in the middle of the night, he still checked on her and she still checked on him. He caught her peeking in his room earlier that morning to make sure he was ready for school. When he opened his backpack, she had put a little note in it.

"Have a good day! I love you! See you tonight! You're going to win! I can feel it!"

Love you!

**Rachel**

It was the best note he had ever received.

"CORCORAN!"

He looked up and Coach Beiste was waving him over. "Head out of the clouds! Let's go!"

He ran over to the huddle. The pep talk was less peppy and more meant to put fire under their asses to get their game on and not mess up. He knew they had a better chance of beating this team now that idiot Finn was off the team. Sam was a decent quarterback but he was still young. Noah shook his head. He sounded like a grumpy old man.

They announced the starting line ups and he was heading out to midfield for the coin toss. Since they were the home team the large obnoxious lineman from the other team was set to make the call.

Large obnoxious boy chose heads and it was tails.

The referee turned to Noah and said, "Do you want the ball first?"

Noah nodded; he was a man of few words. He had enough women in the house to know the importance of silence.

"Shake and play nice," the zebra dressed man growled in a way that reminded Noah of a pirate. When he was younger his father used to read him Peter Pan. Noah never wanted to be Peter; he was always a lost boy. He smiled. He went for halloween as a lost boy when he was a kid. His favorite part of his costume was the slingshot that his father made him to go with it. He and Santana used that thing on other kids long past Halloween. Needless to say, it had been taken away more than once only to be refound again. Until it sadly broke one day. Noah narrowed his eyes up to the bleachers and his mother waved at him. He chuckled. She totally broke it, he realized.

Noah held his hand out to shake the lineman's hand. The large obnoxious boy shook it tightly as if he had read a book on how to shake a hand like a man. Noah went to withdrawn his hand but the lineman held on. He glared at the boy.

"I hope you aren't playing for the wrong team like your sister. It's a shame because she is a hot piece of ass," he said with a wink.

All thoughts of Peter Pan and his mother, the slingshot breaker, fell away. He ironed his gaze and ripped his hand back. He popped his mouth guard in as he stormed to the starting line. He bit his teeth together harshly trying to ease the tension in his body.

Noah barely remembered lining up for the open kickoff. All he could see was fire. The roar of the crowd shook Noah back into reality and he ran up to catch the ball. He caught the kick off at the eight yard line. He dodged the first couple of tacklers and then he noticed the big goof coming right for him. Noah wanted to kill. He quickly headed right for him then at the last second just as the idiot was to tackle him Noah spun in the other direction and the lineman fell flat on his face. Noah took off down the sidelines and did not stop until he made it into the endzone.

6-0 McKinley.

"This was an epic start to Corcoran's best game," the announcer rawred. "This boy never fails to surprise us! It's going to be a great night, folks."

By halftime, Noah already had 112 yards rushing and 45 yards receiving. He also had an interception and a fumble recovery. Coach Beiste could not believe what a complete game he was playing. The score of the game was currently 35-0 with Noah scoring all but one of the touchdowns. He didn't care as much about all that he accomplished. He was just trying to relieve the tension that the asshole had caused. He had learned how to use the game as his outlet. However, he was lying if he wasn't impressed with himself with all that he was able to achieve in twenty-four minutes.

Coach Beiste wanted to start the second half off with a bang. She decided on the kick off they would use the only trick play they ever practiced. Instead of kicking off they would do an onside kick with the hopes of surprising the other team. Noah lined up ready to recover the ball. The line man that made the comment lined up opposite Noah ready to block him from tackling his returner.

The play started and it was kicked directly at the linemen and it bounced right off his big round stomach. Noah crashed into him with such force it seemed like he came out of his shoes. Noah leaned into the line man that was on the ground with tears in his eyes. The tension fell from Noah's body. Noah leaned forward and grabbed the cage of his helmet.

"If you ever talk about my sister that way again, you're going to be begging for a tackle like compared to what I'll do to you," he growled.

Timeout was called because the obnoxious boy needed help getting off the field. The crowd clapped from him when he stood. Noah just glared; he didn't clap.

The game continued. McKinley won the game soundly 54-0. Noah had ended the game with 302 yards rushing 104 yards receiving a kickoff return for a touchdown and a punt return for a touchdown. It could not have been a better game for the scouts to see.

He saw the team rushing at him and raised him into the air as he waved the winning ball. They had done it. He smiled and scanned the crowd. Santana was jumping up and down screaming joyfully with the Cheerios in the way that only teenage cheerleaders could. Joey, Quinn and his Mom were clapping triumphantly amongst the excited crowd. Even Quinn had a big smile on her face. Then his eye settled on Rachel who with her camera still attached to her hands was beaming with pride from Bear's shoulders as the man has his hands raised yelling in victory. Rachel caught Noah's eyes and gave him a thumbs up with a free hand. He grinned back at her. Maybe he could move on to college and everyone would be ok – just maybe ?

….

Shelby climbed down out of the bleachers and was met by Coach Beiste and a handful of men who each had folders under their arms.

"Evening," one of the men smiled.

Coach Beiste beamed. "Shelby," she smiled. "We have some men here that would like to talk to Noah."

Shelby looked at Quinn and then looked at Bear and Rachel who were approaching. "Thank you, gentlemen, let's see if I can grab him."

Rachel from Bear's shoulders was able to spot Noah amidst the crowd. She tugged at Bear and told him hurriedly, "Let me down! Let me down!"

Rachel scrambled off of her uncle's shoulders and began with a burst of strange energy and pride weave through the crowd toward her brother. It wasn't that she was lost or that she couldn't see him. She couldn't hear her mother' panicked voice. She sprinted through with one goal in mind. She felt a flutter in her heart and a pride that reached the ends of her fingers and toes. She could see her brother perched on some big, tall boys shoulders and she felt so excited. She was smiling so much her cheeks hurt.

She watched confused as Noah's smile faded and he knocked the back of the guys head and shoulders to let him down. Why was he so upset?

She suddenly couldn't see him anymore. Where did he go?

She felt a gentle hand take her arm and she saw her brother pulling her toward him. Her grin was back. She didn't protest as he maneuvered her onto his shoulders whispering something about how she was going to get trampled like an ant hill at a playground.

"Noah, you're all sweaty," she whined as she held onto the top of his head for balance.

"Deal with it," he smirked. "You're going to give Mom a heart attack."

"She's right over..." she trailed off. "Where is she?"

"You ran across the field, bug," he said with a soft voice. "It freaked me out."

Rachel frowned and looked back through the crowd as her big brother guided her back through.

"I just wanted to see you," she said thoughtfully. "I knew exactly where you were so …." She considered what she just did and looked back at the crowd that they went through. "I knew exactly where I was going."

He looked up at her causing her to lean back on his shoulders. "I know. Thanks for coming, Rach."

"I told you that you're really great at what you do," she grinned. "I'm so proud of you."

She looked back at the school and her smile faded slightly. She felt an echo in her ears. The noise wasn't of the crowd but it was something else. It was like all of the jumbled up thoughts she had ever had were being crammed into her ears at once. She tilted her head to try to understand them not realizing her mother had removed her from Noah's shoulders and was scolding her gently. Rachel just kept staring at the school. It was almost as if she had forgotten it was there, just like she had forgotten the crowd was there when she ran through it.

"Rach?" she heard her mother calling.

She looked at her mother and looked down at the ground. Her emotions were darting all over the place like a bouncy ball. She didn't have a prayer of grabbing even one of them. She rested her head on her mother's shoulder and blinked quietly to the sound of her shallow breathes, unsure to be proud of herself or more nervous about her compulsive behavior.

She felt a new hand on her back and she shifted her gaze where she was met with a concerned look from Santana.

"You okay?" she asked quietly.

Rachel forced a small smile and nodded. She climbed out of her mother's arms and told her mother's quizzical eye to go speak with the scouts. Her mother kissed her lightly on the cheek and whispered words of comfort, that still sounded jumbled in Rachel's ear before she went to the scouts with Noah.

Rachel leaned back into Santana's stomach and felt herself get lost in her head.

….

Noah continued to glance over her shoulder making sure that Rachel was still alright with Santana and Quinn as their aunt chatted with passers by.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Noah," a man said brining him back to the conversation in front of him. "You should be really proud of the game you just played. We would certainly be honored to have you."

"Thank you, sir," he nodded shaking his hand. He then noticed that was the last recruiter.

"What a list of options!" Emma said with a squeal of excitement forcing Shelby and Noah to look at her with a grimace. "McKinley is honored to have you! We can talk more about these options when you get back from break."

He nodded. "Sure," he smiled.

The woman with the bulging eyes retreated and Noah started back toward the family.

"Noah," Shelby called after him.

He turned but then felt her pull him into a hug. "I'm so proud of you," she whispered into his ear. "We all are and your father would be exceptionally proud of you too."

He grinned bashfully and hugged her back. "Thanks, Mom."

"I hope you're proud of yourself too," she said in the way that only mothers could.

The side of his mouth went up in a barely-there grin. "I think I am."

Shelby leaned back and searched his eyes with her hands resting on his padded shoulders. "I unquestionably am."

He looked back at the family. Quinn was resting her head on Santana's shoulder and Bear had Rachel on his shoulders again. "I'm really happy that they came," he realized aloud.

"Me too," she beamed.

He looked look at her confidently. "I think we'll be okay, Ma. You don't have to worry so much."

She nodded at her son's confidence. "I think we will too."

A few hours later, the house why now quiet. Noah was sitting at the counter of the empty kitchen dipping pretzel sticks into a tub of now melted ice cream. He stared at the pile of pamphlets that were piled on the counter, wondering if the campuses looked as nice in real life.

"That's disgusting," a voice said behind him.

He turned and Rachel was standing at the doorway with George in hand.

"Hey, space cadet," he grinned as she climbed onto the stool next to him. "You're supposed to be sleeping."

"So are you," she retorted.

He leaned over and searched her eyes. "You okay?"

She gave a brisk nod. "Yeah, I just kind of freaked myself out when I went to go see you."

"You freaked all of us out," he corrected. He sighed thoughtfully. "You used to do that kind of shit all the time."

"Language," she scolded.

He shrugged. "You remember? You used to just do stuff and then it caught up to you. Like when you were super excited for that doll... um... erm..."

"Hannah Montana?" she growled embarrassed. "I no longer watch that, Noah. It's for babies."

"Rachel, you are a baby," Santana said coming in behind her with Quinn in tow. "That's disgusting, Noah."

The boy groaned. "Leave me alone, buckwheat. I worked hard tonight. I need to replenish my strength."

"You said that last week after you took a dump," Quinn retorted.

"That's gross," Rachel whined. "Please act like civilized human beings."

The three older kids looked at her with a frown.

"Are you ready for this week?" Noah asked looking at Quinn, who was reheating two Eggo waffle. "Look at you eating on your own."

"Bite me, Puck," she hissed. Quinn put a waffle in front of Rachel. "What? you're not vegan anymore."

"I am too, I'm taking a temporary leave of absence," she corrected.

"Whatever, here," she said forcing the waffle in Rachel's hand. "Is Thanksgiving big here?"

"Sorta," Santana said as she ate out of the refrigerator but not bothering to take anything out.

"I don't have to meet anymore relatives, do I?" she groaned.

Rachel shook her head as she bit into the waffle. "No. Just Griff and Dex and Joey and Bear and Nana and Pop-Pop and us."

"Just," Quinn said with a roll of her eyes.

"We do lots of stuff for the pre-game," Noah said as he bit three pretzels and double dipped them back into the now melted and frothy ice cream.

"For football?" she asked.

Rachel shook her head. "No, the Christmas Pre-Game."

Quinn took a bite of her waffle and widened her eyes, rolling them slightly.

"Don't worry," Rachel said. "It's fun... Sorta of."

"Rachel, it's tons of fun, Quinn will have a lot of fun."

"I'm sure it will... be something like I've never experienced," she said finishing up her syrupless waffle.

"Well," Rachel began quietly.

"What?" Quinn asked looking at her.

"That's kind of a given. Russell and Judy Fabray don't seem like the Christmas Pre-Game type," the eleven year old said seriously.

Santana and Noah watched Quinn carefully to see how the blonde would react. To their suprise, Quinn laughed.

"That's so true," she said with a smile.

"Guys, it's almost one in the morning," Shelby said combing her hand through her hair. She rested her chind on the top of Rachel's head and wrapped her arms around her, taking silent note that Rachel and Quinn appeared to be eating. "What are you doing awake?"

"I couldn't sleep and saw the light on," Rachel said quietly.

Santana shrugged. "I woke up and she wasn't there."

Quinn pointed at Santana. "She woke me up and told me that Rachel wasn't with her."

The women looked at Noah was was sloshing the melted ice cream in the tub absently. He looked up at the now quietly room. "I was hungry," he said simply.

Shelby sighed. "Alright." She noticed her eldest daughter still rummaging through the refrigerator. "Santana Louise, do not graze with the door open please. Take out what you want."

"You're wasting electricity," Rachel said with an affirmative nod.

"It won't run out," she sighed. "Mom, are we going to go shopping tomorrow?... I mean today?"

Shelby gave an exhausted yawn. "I guess we should start huh?"

She reached over and began to make a list.

Quinn looked over Shelby's shoulder and watched the list become longer and more bizarre. She looked looked over at Santana, who just shrugged in response.

"I told you so," she said with her mouth full.

"You're disgusting," Noah said mocking her tone from earlier.

"Bite me, Puck," she hissed, showing him the food in her mouth.

"Hey, hey. I'm vetoing any fighting until at least 10:00am. I have enough gray hairs as it is," Shelby interjected.

"Hey, San, do you remember when Rachel wanted to get that doll for Christmas and we lost her in the store?" Noah asked.

Santana narrowed her eyes. "Yeah," she said as she cast a glance over at Rachel. "Why?"

"We were talking about when she used to do stuff without thinking," Noah said with a shrug.

Rachel bit her side lip and looked at her sisters and then over at her mother.

"That's what you were talking about?" Shelby asked putting her list down. She lifted Rachel into her arms and sat back down in the stool.

Noah nodded. "Yeah, when she came down here."

Shelby paused for a few minutes, collecting your words. "All four of you," she began. "Have a quality that certainly is one that all Corcorans have."

Quinn arched her brow. "Really?" she challenged skeptically.

"Yes," Shelby began again. "All four of you are carelessly impulsive."

"Isn't that redundant?" Rachel asked.

"Sort of," she stated. "But you're impulsive enough that it gets you all in more trouble than perhaps a more 'average' level of impulsiveness. You all act on instinct with such velocity but then you all retreat suddenly, almost forgetting how strong you can be. I admire that fire in the four of you even if it scares me half to death most of the time."

Shelby kissed the top of Rachel's head, silently conveying that she wasn't angry about the child's most recent demonstration of careless impulsiveness.

"Now, Quinn," she said turning to the girl with a grin. "I bet you have some questions about our holiday festivities, which are yours if you want them to be."

Quinn nodded and Shelby began to describe them. For a moment, the family was offered a solace from the imperfection that had become their lives. The early morning hours drifted into day as another day began and another day was left behind. The mistakes and challenges that were still very present in their lives quietly slept and patiently awaited to be addressed.

Alright, that's all, folks.

… Just kidding just until the next chapter.

I wanted to get Thanksgiving into this chapter too, but it didn't work out. Therefore, I'll pull a Glee and do a belated Thanksgiving. Please if you're still reading let me know what you think! I know that many of you have stuck with this story for over a year. It means so much to me. Please let me know what you think of the story. Thank you again for sticking with it for so long!