Anya stared at the ceiling. Her room was dark. She liked darkness. She liked it because it meant that she couldn't see the things around her. She couldn't sleep. They'd told her to sleep. She hadn't slept in three days. She laid stiffly on the bed with one sheet pulled up over her. She couldn't place why sheets felt uncomfortable but they did. She gave in after a few minutes and shoved it off sitting upright. Anya ran a hand through her hair. They'd said that her mission was to find out who she was and to track down Barnes. One of those she could do easily, the other would take many therapy sessions. She wasn't sure that those were a good idea. Dr. Banner had suggested that she attend meetings with a professional to assess her memories safely. Glancing towards the window, Anya watched the lights of the city outside blinking and flickering in and out of life. She watched planes bowl through the sky like comets overhead. It all made her nervous. She felt itchy. Her skin was cold and clammy. The metal inside her bones did that sometimes. There were times she couldn't retain heat the way she should because it metal stayed colder than it should have. She had to be especially careful when trekking into cold climates near or below zero. Unlike Bucky who had been able to cover and insulate his arm, Anya's entire body froze up. She shivered feeling a bead of sweat trickle down the back of her neck.
She padded barefoot into the bathroom that was attached to the bedroom they'd given her. She took a moment to turn on the sink, allowing the water to fill the sink marginally, before she splashed her face. The water was lukewarm and gave her a grounded feeling. She reached for a towel to dry herself off with.
"Is there anything you might need ma'am?" Jarvis asked over the house speaker. She nearly had a heart attack. Her hand shot out grabbing for a toothbrush which she flipped between her fingers and slammed against the counter. It was now a perfect sharp edge. She stood poised for someone to come at her. It was a few moments before she registered that it was that damned computer.
"No. I…I'm fine thanks." She responded awkwardly to it. There was a long pause.
"It has been nearly 76 hours since you have slept. If I may, perhaps you would find the company of Mr. Stark who also does not sleep." She glared up at the ceiling.
"I don't think that's a good idea." She whispered running her hands through her hair. Her fingers got caught and she stole a glance in the mirror. She was a mess. She stopped. This was the first time in her life she had ever looked at herself and thought about what she looked like. Her hair was snarled in matted knots that needed to be brushed or cut out. She had just continued to pull it back, twisting it into a bun.
"Could it hurt?" Jarvis replied. Her eyes flicked back up.
"You're awfully pushy for a computer." She quipped.
"If you'd want some company, you would be able to find Mr. Stark downstairs in his lab." She rolled her eyes.
"Where else would he be…I mean honestly…I'm not stupid." She remarked more to herself than the computer. She came out of the bathroom debating what she really wanted to do.
She wanted to begin her mission. She wanted to find Bucky. None of them could understand the ways in which he would help her; more than any psychiatrist could do. If he was near her…she was whole. They didn't understand just how impossibly dependent she was on him being alive. When they'd taken Bucky from the lab…they'd had to freeze her because she'd killed a scientist in retaliation. When they'd taken Bucky her entire being had seized up. They were literally taking a piece of her…
Her heart clenched.
What was that feeling? It was utterly unfamiliar. She dismissed it gripping her chest. Her breathing was hitched and out of rhythm. She looked up.
Unknowingly her feet had carried her down the main stairs to the basement laboratory. Wide-eyed she sucked in a small breath trying to concentrate.
"It's called a panic attack. You want to come sit down?" Tony asked appearing out of nowhere behind her. In hind sight he realized that this had been a bad idea.
"Don't do that!" she hissed reflexively slamming her elbow into his chest. She smashed him up against the wall shaking. He saw the indecision in her eyes. Her brain told her that he wasn't a threat…her body was reacting on instinct.
"You going to put me down anytime soon?" he quirked an eyebrow. She let him down.
"I…" she began.
"Don't know what's real and what isn't? Who you should trust? What to do?" he asked wlaking past her opening the lab door.
"Yeah…" she said staring at him slightly annoyed.
"Then come on in." he smirked gesturing to the lab. "I have beer." She found a small laugh inside herself at that.
"Actually, I wanted some help tracking Bucky." She whispered. "I can find him…but I need some of your technology." Tony let her walk through the door before answering.
"Beer first, then mission. You really need to relax kid." He clapped her on the shoulder.