Open Wounds

by 216BLT

AU: The past is the past. Puck, Santana, & Rachel Corcoran have moved on from theirs, but when their mother decides to take in a teen, old memories resurface. Also, new scars are made as they navigate through adolescence, ones that might not heal.

61. Chapter 61

krazyy989 – Shelby is not too pleased with the vodka drinking but she knows that this is a sign of things that are much worse. Santana has drank before as has Quinn – it is not a one time thing for them but with Shelby as her mom I don't think she did it too often. She didn't really have a change too, but those occasional times whenshe was able to go to a party she did. With Quinn she went to parties and drank but that was limited because of her parents as well. Thanks for the review.

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for the cookie! I do love your cookies! Yeah Sugar's ideas are a little crazy but she is a spoiled rich kid so there may be some more before we are through. However, while spoiled, Sugar cares a lot and this is the only way she knows how. With the trial coming up Noah and Santana are going to have to deal with the memories from Hiram's trial. It is going to be emotional for all of them. Thanks for reviewing!

Cookie07 – I wish they had developed Sugar more on the show it would have made Glee more of the comedy it should be but since they aren't going to do it I am going to try and sprinkle some Sugar into this story. Santana is very sad and is going to have a really tough time over the next couple of weeks – she just has to learn to communicate better and allow her family to help her through this. Shelby is not going to be too pleased with her daughters but as usual they will get through it. Thank you for the review.

blueashke – Thank you for reviewing. Of course they would get caught. These kids have to learn it is very hard right now to get anything past Shelby.

lemon-rind – I am very glad you liked the Christmas scenes. Rachel just wanted her present to be special and what is more special than a wild animal. Putting her and Sugar together may not be the smartest idea but they are starting to enjoy their friendship. I use the word full a lot to describe the way people feel. It is something that I have grown up saying. Thanks for the review.

Look4me – Yes Quinn is officially part of the Corcoran clan and there is no going back – she will be one forever. The drinking is just the start of bigger problems and you are correct the grounding isn't working and they are still acting out so something has to change. Shelby does not hit and will never. So Shelby will work with the professionals to help get these kids through the trial and how to not act out. Grounding may still occur but it needs to be adjusted and effective. I am sorry you don't agree that Rachel is intelligent. Rachel is just an 11 year old. She has been through traumatic experiences that no adult should have been through let alone a child. She is book smart but she is naïve and emotionally very young. She longs for security something that was ripped from her in the very early stages of her life. So her emotional skills and social skills maybe behind others her age but it is all due to the trauma that she faced. Thank you for reviewing.

Sarah11650 – Shelby's nightmares were horrible and she is suffering like all the kids are – she needs to allow herself to get help as well. And she is doing that. Thank you for reviewing.

OTHangels – Thank you !

Scout88 - Sorry the computer ate your review. I hate when that happens. This chapter is also another monster chapter. Shelby needs someone other than her family to talk to and as much as I love Gus – right now Shelby can barely have time for herself let alone a new relationship. Its not over by any means but right now there is no time for it. Shelby is a saint because my beta cringes every time she has to take her 9 year old to any store so she is a saint in her book for taking 3 kids at one time and having it be Christmas time. Sugar is brutally honest and the things she says makes people cringe but they also get to the heart of the matter. The trial is going to bring a whole bunch of emotions to the surface and they will have to be dealt with right then and there but they will survive. Quinn is now and forever a Corcoran. I am glad you are enjoying the story and I so appreciate your indepth reviews!

Abbie – The trigger of Shelby's nightmares is that fact that she can see the kids are struggling and she knows that the trial is only going to make it worse and no matter how hard she tries to shelter them or ease them through it. She feels helpless and nothing is harder than feeling helpless to your children. Thanks for the review.

thelastcenturian – Wow thank you so much! Thank you for the review! have i told you how much i love your stories lately?! amazing! cannot wait for the update of Irrefutable.

Brittanyismyunicorn – Sorry I made you wait so long for this chapter – these next couple of chapters are so emotional that it takes time to write them and get them out right. I am glad you enjoyed them. The nightmares are horrible and is showing how worried that Shelby is about the kids. She feels helpless like she cannot stop their pain. I often wish I could hug all the characters. Thank you for reviewing and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Fangirl44 – Drunk Rachel is funny but it won't happen a lot due to her age. She is only 11. And with Shelby as the mom – it wont happen anytime soon. Thanks for the review.

krbutler – Not really anything a mom wants to hear at that time of night from her 11 year old. Thanks for the review.

Ryoko05 – I hope you enjoyed the trailer. I love it. Don't get caught at work though. Shelby is very upset about the drinking but she also knows it is another sign that the girls are spiraling faster out of control. Her anger will be more controlled because of that – while she is angry, they did it for a reason other than a high school party – so she will be more concerned with that. The rest of the family though will be adding in their unwanted two cents too. Thanks for the review.

Iuterpi – Well grounding has not really been working lately so it may be a case of reverse psychology and see how that works. The trial is not going to be fun for anyone involved. But the girls have to talk or someone is going to walk and then it will be worse. Thank you for reviewing.

JWilson18 – Loved your review – so concise. Thank you for that –You were so right! Don't worry. The girls will think about the consequences of their actions this chapter.

Lolathe17th – Santana just got the bottle from the cabinet – Shelby didn't know she would have to lock things up but now she does. The drinking is a sign of something deeper for the two older girls and Rachel was just along for the ride. Shelby dreams are showing her concerns and worries. Will they be able to survive all this. Based on what happened for Christmas I am pretty sure that New Years eve will be a very quiet affair for everyone. Thanks for the review.

OutOfNoWhereHereIAm – Rachel definitely didn't know it was alcohol so she wont be in too much trouble. The other girls will be hearing about it a lot though. Thanks for the review.

lifeloveinsanity28 – I am glad you are enjoying the story. I apologize for the update being so slow. It is a tough chapter to write because it is a build up of so much. Thank you for your kind words.

Stuck –I am sorry you feel like this story is dragging on. The issues are complex and in my opinion do not go away quickly or completely. I am sorry you feel like discontinuing to read this story and I thank you for staying with it as long as you have.

AdriannaAJ – Thank you for the review sorry for the slow update. There will be some Brittana moments in this chapter – perhaps not all that positive. No Kurt/Rachel for a while though. Noah isn't ready to find a girl just yet but he will.

Renata – Thank you – I love your reviews and look forward to them. I am glad you enjoyed this chapter. Rachel can't really have a pet right now – while it may be therapeutic I think in the end Shelby has too much going on to take that on as well.

marinka4 – Well there is a sequel and all the characters are in it so that should answer your question on whether or not they are a premonition. Thanks for the review.

darlingdancer124 – I am glad that you are attached. My beta and I are extremely close to these characters. In some ways they are like our babies. Thank you so much for your review.

fireman12468 – Thank you – I hope you like this chapter.

Bueller – I am glad you laughed in that chapter because this chapter is a little more heavy than that one. Thank you for your review.

Guest – you are correct, it is a very angsty story. There is not much humor in this chapter. Thanks for review.

TommyH – thank you very much

Chapter 61

You all have been so patient and thank you doesn't feel like enough. Thank you for reading. Please be aware that I am not a lawyer. I decided to sue my "creative license" with my limited law knowledge. I am only familiar with out the state deals with parenting rights. And I can certainly tell you that I'm surprised every day. (But don't worry, Shelby won't lose the kids.) The point is that I'm not a lawyer. I'm still doing my best to tell an honest story of how trauma can affect this family. I hope that you enjoy this chapter.

…

Shelby stared at the girls. Her exhaustion had just turned into a migraine.

"Sawwwwwrreeee," Rachel said swaying back. "We're drinking juice. Wannnna have some juice? It's great juice." She smiled. "Juicy Juice!"

Shelby narrowed her eyes and looked at the almost half empty bottle of Vodka that Santana was trying and failing to conceal. "Rachel, you're not drinking juice," she said glaring at the girls. Drinking was bad enough but including Rachel was a new low.

Rachel held up the glass to look at its contents and almost tipped it over in the process in her unsteady hand. "No, it's juiccssssse, Mumma," she slurred again.

"Juice!" Quinn offered as she held out the bottle of grape juice as she tried her best to balance herself and look the most sober. However, she was failing with flying colors.

Shelby pinched the bridge of her nose. "Enough, get up."

"Mom, we're finnnnne," Santana said as she pressed her lips together. She was attempting to sober up, but lost her balance as she maneuvered her weight with Rachel in her lap.

Shelby suspected that Santana had consumed most of the alcohol simply by the fact that Quinn and Rachel's glasses were half full and Santana's was empty. She sighed and looked at the girls and slowly realized that this situation could escalate to something more serious.

Shelby knelt down. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked Quinn and Rachel.

"Perfect!" she smiled brightly as she struggled to get to her feet.

Santana scowled and leaned forward heavily forcing Rachel to look at her. "Why wouldn't you feeeel grreeat?" she asked as she looked at Rachel and then over at Quinn. "You're finnnnne."

Shelby ignored Santana and looked at Quinn and then back at Rachel. Rachel managed to push herself to her feet so she was standing in front of her kneeling mother. She smiled brightly, determined to prove that she was fine. However, the smile didn't remain on her face for long as gravity seemed to melt it from her face when she felt a lurch of her stomach. She shook her head frantically. "I don't feel good."

"You okay?" a new voice asked.

Shelby looked over her shoulder and was grateful to see her father at the door.

"Pop-pop, I don't feel very-airy-weary good," Rachel said shaking her head.

"What's going on?" Helen asked peaking in, causing Santana to give a loud grown. "Are you drunk?" she asked.

"Nana, shhhh," Rachel said. "The boys are sleeeeping."

"What's going on?" Bear asked walking into the room as well.

Shelby suddenly regretted having Christmas at her home as she rubbed her temples. "Let's just get something in their stomach and back in bed."

"Ugh," Quinn said cradling her head. "Sweeeeet baby Mary Jesus Joseph and Easter."

Santana scowled at her sister's words. "What?"

"How are you feeling, Quinn?" Helen asked going to her side.

Rachel reached her arms up with a moan of exhaustion and Bear pulled her up into his arms. "Okay," he said rubbing her back. "Let's head downstairs."

"It's not the mornnnning," Quinn muttered. She tilted her head and looked out the window, surprised to see that it was getting light outside. She winced. "Ugh. My head."

"It's four-thirty," Shelby said standing up. "Let's go."

Santana frowned "I don't understand," she hissed pushing herself unsteadily to her feet, but only made it halfway.

Shelby shook her head. "Santana, are you feeling okay?"

"We're justttt…. Drunk," she said crisping the k.

"Exactly," Shelby said frankly. "Get up."

A few minutes later the girls were pushing grilled cheese sandwiches around their plates as Shelby hung up the phone.

"I can't believe you called Dr. Pierce," Santana said quietly, slightly more sobered up. " I don't care if he was already awake to go into the hospital."

She had been complaining and mumbling since they had come downstairs. For the most part everyone was quiet. However, at the statement, a clang of plates was heard. The room looked at Bear, who stood at the sink exhaling heavily.

"Santana," Bear snapped. "We are not doctors. We needed to know exactly how the girl's medications would react to the alcohol due to the fact that they don't have a spleen or a kidney."

Santana frowned deeply at her uncle. She understood that it was five in the morning and she understood that drinking wasn't okay and it could have been a risk drinking with antibiotics but she had drank with it before and didn't understand.

"It just... It just gets you drunker faster," she said quietly looking between her uncle and her mother.

"There are so many other things that you didn't consider, Santana," Bear bit. "Did you?"

Her mother put her hands up. "We're finished discussing this. You'll all be fine. Maybe even a little headache later in the morning but..." Shelby trailed off and shook her head. "Let's go back to bed and we'll talk about this later."

"I agree," Helen stated, "But we can't blame this all on Santana."

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "Rachel and I aren't idiots and we're not sitting ducks. I …. I am not saying that it was a good choice, but it was my choice. You can't blame it all on her."

She shifted and looked over at Rachel, expecting her to weigh in.

"No, we're certainly blaming you too," Helen said. "What were you thinking?"

"Okay, enough," Shelby stated. She turned to the girls. "You are in trouble, but I won't lecture you on this now. I'll at least wait until the sun comes up. But please, take a moment to consider that question, 'What were you thinking?''"

An uncomfortable silence settled over them.

As if on queue, Rachel heaved and threw up just shy of the garbage bin that Michael was attempting to offer. Santana and Quinn both grimaced at the sight and smell, sobering with every sniff.

Shelby sighed.

"I got it," Michael and Bear said at once.

"Bring them upstairs," Bear said. "We'll bring Rach up in a sec."

Shelby nodded and motioned for the elder two girls upstairs. Quinn was clearly considering her words, but there was something in Santana's eyes. Shelby pushed down her concern and just focused on getting the girls to lay down. Quinn started toward her room.

"No, you girls are sleeping with me," Shelby said.

"Why?" Santana asked with a hiss.

"Because, I said so," she said after a long pause.

"I'm sorry," Quinn muttered. "But I'm with Santana. You can't be this mad about this."

Shelby put her hands on her hips. "And why is that?"

"We love you and we know that you love us, but we have no escape," Quinn began quietly, but her words becan to trail off. "Christmas was amazing... but … it's hard... and … San..." She looked over at her sister. She took a deep breath. "…. We just ... we needed to breathe."

Shelby sighed. "Well, I understand that, but drinking with your eleven year old sister isn't the route to go. You two need to be more responsible. Quinn, you're sick and have no spleen AND you're on medication..." She shook her head "Let's try to rest and we'll talk about this in the morning."

"NO!" Santana said. "I want to talk about this now!"

Quinn looked at her with a frown. "Santana, it's okay," she whispered. "We didn't do anything wrong."

"You did," Shelby stated, "and we will talk about it later."

"I said, now!" she hissed. "I don't want to talk about it later...and REST. At least, Bear took the time to yell!"

"Okay," Shelby said calmly. "I'm deeply disappointed in you two. I still love you very very much and I recognize that I haven't given you an opportunity to relax. I'll give your television time and your internet access back. However, you girls need to remember the reason it was taken away in the first place. You keep breaking rules and by doing so you've left me really nothing else to take away as punishment." Shelby shook her head as she took a deep breath. "I do understand that you girls need something though and like I said, I will give you the television and Internet if-"

"I don't care about that crap!" Santana said knocking over a lamp as she cut her mother off. I just want to be left alone."

"Well, that's not an option," Shelby stated. "You guys will have more space but it'll be supervised in someway, because I can't even let you sleep on your own now without wondering if you're drinking."

"You have to give us space though!" Santana spat back. "I can't breathe! You'll only force me to drink more!"

An eery silence fell over them.

"What's going on?" Bear asked coming to the door.

Shelby put her hand up, stopping him. "Santana, look at me." She didn't. "Santana." Nothing. "Santana."

"I don't want to be here," Santana said suddenly.

"Okay," Shelby said. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to go for a drive," she said quickly.

"You can't, you've been drinking."

"You told me you'd give me space. I want my damn space!" she said sharply.

"Okay," Bear said putting his hands up once he saw the hurt look on his sister-in-law's face caused by Santana's snap. "I'll drive you."

Shelby and Bear looked at one another. Shelby was unsure, but knew her daughter well-enough that Santana needed some space. She needed to clear her head. They had put too much direct blame on her and now it was having its effects.

"Put on a sweatshirt, San," Bear said gently. "If you want to go, then let's go."

Quinn watched Santana leave with a heavy heart. She didn't know what to say and most of all she didn't know what to feel. She wasn't as angry as she knew that Santana and she felt like she should be. She knew Santana was on the edge right now, but she didn't know exactly on the edge of what. She felt Santana's anguish, but she couldn't feel it genuinely herself. This was her best Christmas and she could see clearly that Santana was struggling through this one. Santana took such responsibility for the happiness of others, but couldn't find it for herself.

Quinn watched as Santana pulled on her sweatshirt and headed out the door. It occurred to her in that moment that while she was making a new foundation and learning to accept love and support at all, Santana was learning how to repair her own foundation that had been so tragically broken. Santana had had their perfect life. Quinn climbed into bed and rethought. Perhaps it wasn't perfect...but what it became was so far from perfect that everything before seemed to be harmonious. Quinn felt she understood that more than she did before.

Rachel was asleep within a few seconds of being brought up by Michael. She was now laying in Shelby's bed... her mother's bed... staring at the ceiling. Why was everyone blaming Santana? She was just as responsible. Santana was hurting. She wasn't responsible for everything.

Quinn's mulling and finally she couldn't restrain herself from keeping her thoughts in her head. "I know you're awake. I know that you are mad... but … we weren't getting behind the wheel... we were drinking responsibly," she argued. "I'm sorry you're so upset," she said into the dark.

"Quinn," Shelby said quietly. "Do you really think that?"

Quinn paused for a moment. "I didn't want her to drink alone... It's so much, Mom..."

"What is?" Shelby asked shifting in bed toward Quinn.

"Everything that's happening. It's a lot for her... for us. There is so much on the line. She tried so hard this Christmas and … it didn't turn out how she wanted it... and she's not just being spoiled and whining. She's hurting. And... What I say next week …. " Quinn trailed off and looked at Rachel. "If I mess up next week... he'll be out...It's just so much."

"Quinn," Shelby began.

"I don't want to talk about. What I'm saying is that Santana is scared... and she's sad because... She's just... She was disappointed and I'm sorry that you're mad but I'm not sorry for what we did. You can't be mad at her. She needs to breathe and she needs to forget and... I do, too."

Shelby licked her lips. "I'm sorry that you want to forget."

"You shouldn't be sorry. This isn't your fault. It just sucks. Don't you ever feel like you can't breathe? Like it's all too much?"

Shelby looked at her daughter. "Of course I do, but we still need to find a responsible way for you to relieve that stress."

Quinn nodded into the dark. Her eyes fading close. "Fine."

"Quinn, I understand what you are saying but it's not right and I think deep down you and Santana know that it is wrong." She sighed. "And it can't happen again. You need sleep and so do I."

She was met with a tiny snore. Quinn was asleep.

….

Bear drove around the corner, trying his best not to be affected by the silence of his niece.

"Where are we going?" he asked gently.

"I don't care," she mumbled rolling down the window and letting her face be blasted by the biting cold of the late December night.

Bear sighed and turned onto another street. They circled around the neighborhood. He stopped at the stop sign, still looking for other cars even though the streets were silent.

"You know what, you can just drop me off here," she said as she reached to open the door. "I need some air."

Bear didn't even try to reach for the door because when Santana tried to open it, nothing happened. She flipped her gaze and glared at her uncle. "CHILD LOCKS!? You turned on the CHILD LOCKS!?"

"You're trying to get out of the car, aren't you?" He sighed. "Listen, I will drive you around for as long as you want. That was the deal, but you are not getting out of this car."

"I don't want to talk," she snapped.

"I didn't say that you had to," he said gently.

"Don't do that," she snapped again. "You have no idea what i'm going through and what I feel."

"You're right. I don't, but we're all here for you. We love you and support you and -"

"I know that," Santana bit again. "I don't need you to love and support me. I need you to leave me the hell alone."

"We're not going to do that," he said.

"Why the hell not?" she asked.

"Santana, calm down," he pushed.

"NO, I want to know," she said turning to him. She looked into his eyes, searching for an answer. "You don't trust me," she stated simply. "Mom, always thought I would hurt someone... hurt Rachel..."

"Santana," he said gently. "That's not what we think."

"I know it is, so you can stop pretending," she said staring out the window.

"I'm not pretending, San," he said. "We're not afraid of you, Santana, we know you."

She turned and showed him a glare but remained silent for a moment. "Then what is it?"

"You hold so much in that we're not sure how to read you... and it scares us," he said.

She scoffed. "I don't see what the difference is."

"You have so much going on and we get worried-"

"Why?!" she hissed. "Look around …. I'm not the problem. I'm figuring it out."

"Is that what this is?" he asked honestly. "Me and you out in the car before sunrise after you binged drank with your little sisters?"

She looked away. "That's not what happened."

"Really? Because from where I'm sitting that's what it looks like." He shook his head. "We love you and we're here for you."

"I know that!" she interrupted. "God! You have to stop saying that because you being there, doesn't make it easier or … better... or... It's just... I'm trying to figure out how to …..." She shook her head with a shrug. "I don't know."

"San, you know that this isn't okay. It's okay if you feel overwhelmed and angry and -"

"You don't know what I'm feeling!" she said again. "Stop pretending that you do." He looked at her ready to respond but then stopped when he saw her face. Santana looked back at him with an exhausted look and tearful eyes. "I don't know what I'm feeling... I … just... I feel... Today sucks. The week before sucked and next week is going to suck. You get to drink. Why can't I?"

"It's illegal," he said simply. "And Santana, this is a problem. I just... I know it sucks. It hurts me to see you hurting and I … I hate it." He sighed. "Maybe I can finish the tree house for you sooner rather than later and -"

"I don't need you to fix this for me," she said. "I just... I don't need you to fix me." Her voice was so quiet. She turned and looked at her uncle. "So stop."

He gave her a soft smile. "I promise you. We'll get through this."

She frowned. "You can't promise that... None of us know..." She shook her head. "I thought we didn't have to talk..."

He nodded. "Sorry. You're right."

"I want to go home," she whispered.

"Okay, San," he said gently.

She knew she was still in trouble. She didn't know what to say, but she knew she was feeling something. She was so anxious that she was shaking, but what she hated most was that she knew she couldn't stop it. She just had to let it go from a boil to a simmer until it didn't hurt so much.

…..

Rachel chewed her food quietly. The kitchen was so silent. The entire family was sitting in silence. She didn't understand. Santana was frowning so deeply that Rachel was sure she was angry not just at herself but her waffle. Rachel looked over her glass of juice at Santana's plate.. The waffle looked great to her. Poor waffle, it was just caught in the crossfire.. The eleven year old glanced over at Quinn. The blonde didn't look content as she chewed on her bacon. She looked annoyed. Quinn never usually looked like that when she ate bacon.

"I don't understand," Rachel said quietly.

"What don't you understand?" Bear asked as he put another waffle on Noah and Griffin's place. "Please try to eat some fruit too, boys."

"Why is everyone upset?" Rachel asked trying to mask her confusion with faux maturity.

Noah arched his brow at her. "Seriously?"

Rachel narrowed her eyes. "We weren't drinking naked in the back of a Lexus kissing a bimbo planning to drive home," she sneered.

"Touche," Quinn said with an approving nod.

"Seriously?" Griffin grinned with his mouth full of food looking at Noah in surprise. "Shitney?"

"Ewww," Santana said throwing her napkin at Griffin.

"Griffin! Language," Bear scolded.

"That's her name," Griffin interrupted.

"Rachel," Nana said with wide eyes looking at the youngest. She looked at Noah with a disappointment as new as the first time she heard about it. "Noah!?"

"Mom," Shelby scolded.

"Shel," Pop-Pop intervened.

"Shut up," Joey muttered into her cup.

"Enough!" Bear stated over the chaos. "Everyone eat their damn food."

The family looked at him in surprise.

"You said-" Rachel started.

Quinn reached over and clamped her hand over Rachel's mouth. "We know," she whispered. "Eat your food."

Shelby sighed and leaned her arm on the table as she continued to eat.

"You okay?" Helen asked rubbing Shelby's back.

Shelby's head shot up and she gave a smile at the family.

"I'm fine," she said. She looked at the girls. "I'm a little tired because you three woke me up."

Rachel frowned and tilted her head. "We always wake you up. Almost every night and you don't look like this."

"She has a point," Joey said. Shelby narrowed her eyes at her.

"You should really try to sleep through the night," Helen offered.

Rachel looked at her sisters and then her brother with another thoughtful, but now apologetic look. "I'm sorry that we wake you up so often." In all honesty, she was but she never thought about how it affected her mother.

Shelby glared at her mother and sister. She sighed. "Rachel, you can always wake me up, okay?"

She tilted her head with trepidation. "Promise?" she asked.

Shelby took her hands in hers. "I promise." She gave the kids a weak smile. "We all have to take care of ourselves. We need to try." She met Santana's eyes. "Okay?"

Santana rolled her eyes but nodded down at her food. "Okay."

…..

Santana stared down at the sink of dirty dishes. Scrub and rinse, she told herself, as she willed herself to get it together. She was so stuck in her head. She needed to snap out of it and she needed to do it fast.

"Ugh," she said leaning forward slightly when she felt thin arms wrap themselves around her waist. She looked down and saw that it was Rachel. She closed her eyes with a frustration. The fact that Rachel could see that she was upset was a red flag in itself to pull it together. What she hated was that she didn't know why she was so upset, she just knew that she was.

She rinsed and dried her hands with Rachel's hands still wrapped around her. She unwrapped Rachel's arms and pulled the girl up into her arms.

She sighed heavily with a mock groan. "When did you get to be so big? What happened to the tiny five year old?"

"Santana," she growled with a pout.

Quinn leaned back against the counter as she dried off the dish that Santana handed her. "Seriously? Pretty sure she's the average size for an eight year old."

Rachel pouted deeper. "I was just trying to give you a hug and you're being mean."

"I didn't get a hug," Quinn pointed out.

"I was just making an observation," Santana smirked folding her hands under Rachel's bottom as the younger girl frowned at her. "Don't do that, Rachel. You look sour and like the girl from Willie Wonka."

Rachel tried to frown differently but couldn't. "I'm sorry you got into trouble," Rachel said honestly to both of them.

Santana rolled her eyes and set Rachel down. "Don't worry about it," she said quickly.

Rachel wrung out her hands as she pondered her words as the older girls returned to washing dishes.

"Was there something else, bug?" Quinn asked. Rachel walked over to Quinn and gave a gentle hug. "Uhhh... thanks," Quinn muttered.

The young girl returned to staring at them in silent contemplation.

"Um..." she began.

"What, Rach?"

"Are you alcoholics?" she asked out of the blue.

"What?" Pop-Pop called from the breakfast nook.

Santana dropped her plate into the soapy water with a splash.

"Well... you both say you feel better... or you drink to feel better... and …. people drink when they're stressed ANNNND then become dependent on it... it becomes their … crutch..." She narrowed her eyes as she processed her words. "Is drinking your crutch? That's what they call it... you're... um... emotionally broken. We learned in last year during Know Your Body, Know Yourself Week."

"What were they teaching you over there?" Joey asked from behind the paper next to her father.

Rachel turned and looked over her shoulder. "I also learned where babies came from... but I already knew... but some kids were grossed out... but most of us were just very confused..." she trailed off and shook her head slightly. "... I'm not as confused anymore though..."

Quinn looked over at Rachel and paused. She knew exactly what she was talking about and it broke her heart. She caught Joey's eye of concern and spotted Santana seething next to her. She opened her mouth to say something but then got cut off.

"I... just," Rachel began again before Quinn had the chance to say anything. "I don't want to be an alcoholic, too. It's bad for your liver... right? and... I don't want your livers to do badly... and I don't think you're emotionally... crippled...Right? Are you too young to go to AA?"

Santana shook her head in frustration. "Rachel, we're not going to AA."

"I heard the first step is admitting you have a problem," she said gently. "I think that's true in anything. Elyse said that. Maybe she can be AA."

"Rachel, no one is doing AA, honey," Pop-Pop said gently.

"Why not?" she asked. Quinn shook her head.

"Because according to your definition we're all winos," Joey scoffed.

"What?" Rachel frowned.

"Joey, you're not helping," Bear scolded.

"But... it's supposed to be used responsibly... and I thought responsibly meant not driving or …. um... playing sports. … like... swimming while you did it... But... I guess... it means … emotionally too right? I remembered the crutches from school...Well... what I learned at school."

"Rach," Santana said with her arms folded. "We're fine."

"You always say that," she said, discouraged.

"True," Santana said as she cupped her sister's face. "But I mean it."

Rachel frowned and looked at her sisters. "Really?"

"Yeah," Quinn nodded. "Yes, we … um..." Her eyes volleyed between the adults in the room.

"We're de-stressing," Santana finished. She rolled her eyes at her grandmother only to receive a glare and a cleared throat. "We did wrong and we're in trouble. We're sorry that you were tricked into it."

Rachel narrowed her eyes. "I didn't get tricked. It just happened. I'm... I'm happy that you let me..."

Santana looked down at her with surprise.

"Hey," Shelby asked passing through. "What's going on?"

"We found another reason to pull Rachel from that school," Joey called from the paper she was looking through.

"Lovely," Shelby said with an annoyed glare at her sister. "San, Quinn, I expect the list of things to be finished when I get home."

"Can I help?"

"You want to clean, Rach?" Shelby asked.

Rachel nodded, suddenly feeling shy with everyone's eyes on her.. "Yeah," she muttered. "I …. I drank too..."

Shelby narrowed her eyes. "Okay..." She kissed each of the girls. "San, Brittany is stopping by later this afternoon to go for a run with you."

"And be followed by the secret service," Santana stated rolling her eyes.

Bear chuckled. "Ya, hear that? I'm the secret service."

Santana rolled her eyes. "Can't we just run by ourselves?"

"No," she stated. "She can stay for a bit after though." She looked at Quinn and Rachel. "You're welcome to invite someone over. Maybe Kurt ... or... Dylan?"

Santana scoffed. "Neither."

Quinn shook her head. "I really don't think Dylan would want to come over... to be watched...Maybe some other time."

Rachel frowned. "I like Kurt but maybe Sugar can come over."

Shelby arched her brow. "Since your Christmas adventure, she's been grounded."

"Mom, it's Sugar. She doesn't know how to be grounded."

"Well, she is," Shelby stated. "And technically so are you."

"But we're having friends over," Rachel frowned.

"True." Shelby pulled on her jacket.

"Where are you going?" Rachel asked.

Quinn frowned. "She told us earlier, Rachel. She's meeting with Patrick."

"Why?"

"Because … um... because..." Quinn looked over at Shelby.

"Because sometimes I need to talk to someone to," Shelby finished.

"Why?"Rachel asked as she visibly swallowed.

Santana was staring out the window with her hands idly on the edge of the sink full of dirty dishes. She smiles slightly at the sight of Brittany. She felt a nudge in her side. She looked over and Quinn was nodding in Rachel's direction. She followed her gaze and looked over at Rachel. Rachel had been sticking to them like glue. She was trying her best not to look worried and was only making it more obvious that she was.

"Rach-" Shelby and Santana said at the same time. Rachel looked between them as Santana and Shelby exchanged a look that her eleven year old mind couldn't read.

"You don't want to hang out with me?" Santana asked with mock offense as she reached out and ran her hand through Rachel's hair, causing the girl to roll her eyes.

Shelby watched her eldest daughter carefully. Something was going on. She couldn't put her finger on it. She shook her head, bringing herself back to the moment.

"Rach, I'm just going to meet with Patrick like I always do," Shelby said as she zipped up her coat.

"But it might snow," Rachel said. "It said on the weather channel that it might snow."

She pointed at the family room through the living room where Noah and the cousins were watching Inception and screaming confused and baffled obscenities and then being scolded by Bear who was mumbling the same things.

"It was on..." She frowned at the new movie that was on and remembered that she was semi-booted from the room once the boys decided they wanted to watch the movie. Noah told her that she could stay and she did for about five minutes but she kept leaning into his side so much to cover her eyes and consequently smelling Noah's armpits that she moved to the kitchen. "Well... It was on... when I was watching Animal Planet."

"I have a great car for snow, Rach," Shelby said gently, "and it's not going to get heavy until tonight. So I'll see you all later." She pointed at Quinn and Rachel. "There's no shame in taking a nap girls. and Santana, you and Brittany can hang out but open door policy."

"You're late," Joey stated, still not moving her papers.

Shelby rolled her eyes and started out the door. "Behave please."

"I'll try to keep her in line but you know how your sister can be," Michael called out.

"Knock knock," Brittany called as she entered the kitchen. Rachel ran to her and Brittany picked her up in her arms. "Hey, there."

Rachel wove her fingers around the back of Brittany's neck and leaned back and smiled at her.

"Do you know what Noah gave me for Christmas?"

"What?" Brittany grinned.

"A room! His room! Well, not his room...but the basement. His man-cave! He's building me a studio..." Her smiled faded. "I don't know... I don't know when I'll be ready to use it, but..." Her eyes relite. "YOU can come over and use it too!"

Santana looked over at Brittany and gave her a soft smile. She already knew that as a teacher over at the dance school, Brittany was able to go in to the big studio whenever she wanted. But she also knew that Brittany wouldn't tell Rachel that.

"That is a great idea," Brittany said without a hint of hesitation. "You should show me it."

Rachel scrambled. "I'll do it right now!"

"Let me say hello to San and Quinn first," Brittany said as she also greeted Michael and Joey who gave her nods of hello.

"Hey," Brittany smiled at Quinn as she rested her hand on the small of Santana's back as the brunette continued to wash dishes slowly but looked over her shoulder and kissed her girlfriend, softly on the lips. "Hey," she whispered as she leaned her forehead against Santana's for a brief moment.

"Hi," Santana smiled.

"Come on, Brittany," Rachel said as she pulled at Brittany's hand.

Brittany rolled her eyes at Santana and Quinn and followed the girl out of the room.

….

"Shelby!"

She looked over her shoulder and her mother was following her out to the car.

"Mom, I'm going to be late," she sighed as she put her bag on the passenger seat. "What?"

"Make sure that you're honest with him," Helen said simply.

"What? Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just don't seem to be too focused right now and I'm worried about you. Despite what you say, I know you're not sleeping and-"

Shelby put her hands up. "Mom, I love you. I hear you but I gotta go okay? I promise we'll talk when I get home. I know I have been avoiding you-"

"Like the plague," Helen pointed out.

"I promise, I'll talk to you later," she whispered going and hugging her mother. "But I have to go. Watch the girls okay? Make sure that Rachel and Quinn take their meds and a snack and also... Noah needs to clean out his gym bags and -"

"Goodbye," Helen pushed her gently into the car.

Shelby pulled out of the driveway and started down the street as she took a deep breath. She wasn't sure what to say or where to begin. She was grateful for the silence. She squeezed her hands around the steering wheel more tightly.. She didn't want to be late for her appointment with Patrick, but she knew that her mother was right. She needed to tell the truth. She knew she was like her children in the sense that she didn't like the vulnerability that was required for a true confession.

She kept thinking back to the worries that the girls must be acting. She knew that a lot was at stake for this trial and she couldn't ease that pain. She couldn't control it at all. However, she knew the girls' insecurities were going to be at their height. She needed to hold it together. She needed to hold it together because she remembered how easily it could all slip away.

Shelby woke up quietly and looked around the room. The beeping was still driving her crazy. She stood up and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. Noah was sleeping on a cot that they had moved into the room and Santana was sleeping in her own hospital bed that she had moved as close to Rachel's hospital crib as possible. The kids were just found last night. Her family has been in and out, supporting her, but she had sent them home. Her father and mother had refused to go back to Florida though and were now getting coffee. Shelby watched tiredyl as the nurse checked the kids' vitals. She couldn't believe that this was her life.

There was a knock at her door and she looked up with a slight jump.

"Hi... she said with trepidation. Two women, one older and another that looked around Shelby's age.

"Hi, Shelby. Can we speak with you?"

Shelby looked at the kids and folded her arms tightly over her chest protectively. "Who are you?" she asked as she walked into hallway.

"I know that this has been a long process. We met once before. My name is Natalie and this is my partner Gretchen. We're from Child Protective Services and -"

"Why?" Shelby asked with a frown. "Why are you here? You don't need to be here. My kids are home with me and they'll be safe with me now."

"The police are still conducting their interviews and are just beginning the investigation," Gretchen began.

"Don't talk to me like I'm stupid," Shelby snapped. "I know how this works." She narrowed her eyes. "What did someone say? Did someone say I wasn't a fit parent? They don't know anything about us! They don't know!"

Gretchen put her hands up. "Let's talk about this in this conference room. We have reserved it and -"

"No," Shelby snapped. "I want to know what's going on. What the hell!"

Natalie continued with a calm voice. "We just need to talk to you."

"No, what you need to do is your initial assessment so you can decide to do an investigation," Shelby snapped. "I know exactly what this is. What were the allegations? What could I possibly be accused of?"

"What's going on here?"

Shelby turned and saw her father walking toward her with cups of coffee in hand.. "CPS is here to check me out," she said loudly.

"Okay," Michael said gently. "Is there somewhere we could talk?"

Before anyone could answer, a tiny cry came from the slightly ajar door.

"I have to go," Shelby stated as she started toward the door. "Rachel's waking up. She had one of her surgeries, yesterday and I need to be there."

Natalie and Gretchen exchanged a look. "Go and check on her," Natalie said. "And then come back. We would really like to talk to you."

As if on queue a nurse emerged from the room. "She's fine," she said with a smile. "She just shifted and her pacifier fell out. I put it back in and she went right back to sleep."

Shelby suddenly hated the nurse. She wanted to be in there with her kids. She didn't want to be with these women. She felt numb as her father led her into the conference room down the hall. What would someone say about her? What could she possibly do?

They sat down quietly at the table.

"I cannot imagine what you're going through," Natalie began.

"No, you can't," Shelby snapped.

"We want to make sure that these kids don't go through anymore hardship," Natalie went on.

"Okay..." Shelby stated.

"When Santana came in to the hospital, she was exhibiting some behavior that was rather disturbing as did your son," she stated.

"With what they've been through , that's understandable. I will get them the services that they need. I know that I can provide them with a safe home," she said defensively.

"We know you can offer them the services that they need but I am concerned to make sure they are in the transition that we need."

Shelby stared at the woman for a moment. There was something that wasn't being said. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Santana stated that she doesn't feel safe in the home with you," Natalie said after exchanging a look with her co-worker. "And Noah is presenting concerning behaviors."

"They were held hostage for over a month by a psycho who beat and raped them, what type of behaviors do you want them to present?" Shelby snapped. "I will work with her and I will make sure that she's safe. That all of them are. I just don't understand."

"We want to make it clear, Shelby, that it is not our intention to take the children from you. You know that. You've worked with CPS. We never want to take custody-"

"But?" Shelby interrupted. "Where is the damn but?!"

"We want …. we hope that you want to work with the department. The children will need to be getting some specialized services and -"

"You want them to go to a residential... you want them to be in care..." Shelby shot up in her seat with a fit. She ran her hand through her hair. "You're kidding me!"

"Reunification is our hope, Shelby," Gretchen urged. "You know that we don't want keep the kids. We want to make sure that you have the tools that you need to have these kids back and -"

"No! I didn't do anything WRONG! I get what you're doing but I don't need it!" Shelby said as she knocked over a chair. "I lost my kids before and you want to take them away?! AGAIN?!" She shook her head and glared at them. "Let me guess? You want to do supervised visits? You want... UGH! You can't be serious!"

"Shelby, calm down," Michael urged.

"I know you're upset," Gretchen began,. "But we are trying to make sure that when these kids return home that they feel as safe as possible. They have been through the most devastating trauma-"

"That's it... That's really why you're doing this," Shelby stated. "It's because this is...this is such a public case. The entire country knows about this." Shelby shook her head and stuck her tongue in her cheek. "And your department was dealing with the Riley O'Ryan case... the one with the dead children. I'm fucking glad that I can be your platform for great social work!" Shelby shot around the room and continued to pace. She kicked another chair. She felt rage shaking her body. "This is ridiculous! I need to regain back their trust! And you taking them away won't help that!"

"Shelby, please listen to this plan. We want to work with you," Natalie urged.

"I don't want to listen to this!" Shelby said starting for the door as she slammed her hand against something else. She never felt this out of control. she couldn't breathe. She couldn't think.

"Shelby," her father called out to her. "You know that the department isn't here to trick you. They're making sure that you're ready for this. I love you but this... right here... you slamming things. How do you think the kids would handle this?"

Shelby felt a surge of pressure in her chest. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I can't do this."

Michael stood up and walked toward his daughter. He pulled her into his arms. "Shelby even the most experienced parent needs help with this. They're not asking you to be perfect, but they're asking you to be ready."

"But they want to take my kids," she whispered into his neck as he pulled her closer. They want to go into care."

"And you will always be able to visit," Natalie stated. You know that sometimes we put harsh limitations but you won't have those. We could do regular home visits and supervised visits. Make sure that you have a good parent aid and -"

"I don't need a parent aid," Shelby snapped.

"One that could help you with your children's outbursts," Gretchen offered. "You know you can't be having these outbursts."

Shelby shook her head. "I want what's best for them."

"So work with us," Natalie stated.

Shelby walked down the hallway to Patrick's office. She never accepted help before that. She sometimes wondered exactly what the children remembered. Noah was in a foster home and she had tried over and over again to explain to him that he wasn't sent there because he as bad but because he didn't need it. He simply didn't need to be at the shelter as much and at that point the kits were spending at least two to three days a week there. It was so confusing, but it had left such deep scars. It was why Will Schuester was able to get to Rachel so easily. All she knew was that the three of them had such a hard time while they were in care even though it was only for barely two months.

"Shelby? You ready?"

She looked up and Patrick was staring back at her. "Yes, sorry... um... Yeah."

Shelby sat down heavily in the seat in front of Patrick.

"Okay," she said directly. "I'm here and I need an answer. Not a suggestion. I don't want you to have me figure it out on my own. I need an answer right now. The trial starts in a few days and I need to be 200% I need an answer."

"To what?" he asked.

She then began the most speedy and exhaustingly detailed description of her dreams and what they were. As she wrapped up her mind started drifting to the memory that she just had.

"Santana," she said suddenly.

"What about her?" Patrick asked. "Your dream of her... is devastating. They all are but I think-"

"She's pulling away from me," Shelby interrupted. She shook her head. "not intentionally but … I don't know. It's almost like a defense mechanism. I'm scared for all of them but with her... I just...Did I ever tell you that she …. she was somewhat of the reason why the kids were in custody for that short time?" Shelby was rambling. The exhausted, sane part of her knew it, but couldn't stop the rest of her that was taking over. "She told them that she didn't feel safe with me... me. " Shelby frowned. "She drank last night and pulled the other girls into it and …."

"Is everyone okay?" Patrick asked.

"Absolutely," Shelby stated. "I called the doctor. My father replaced the lock on the liquor cabinet. Everything is fine... but it's the fact that she needs to... Ugh! I just remembered! Elyse! Remember what I told you last week? She called me in for a meeting … a meeting! Ugh!"

"Shelby," Patrick began.

"What a woman! … oh and you know the drinking, I think Quinn was all for it. Maybe it was Santana's idea but Quinn was right there with her. They pulled Rachel in too. Why do kids drink?" Shelby deflated slightly. "I feel like I'm losing Quinn too... like she feels the need to dress up her problems with fineness. She has put so much pressure on herself for this trial. I … just... ugh... Rachel-"

"Shelby," Patrick interrupted again.

"What?"

"You're exhausted."

"Yes, I am but-"

"You have to take care of yourself," Patrick said. "You're stretching yourself too thin. I've seen you like this. You're strung out on no sleep and worry. Please please just take New Years to relax. Don't do anything just-"

"The trial begins in two days. The girls don't have to testify for another week or so but... the trial begins next week and I'm dreaming that my kids die... so... I just... How can I relax? How?"

"You have to try. Do a game night or a movie night or something. Not high maintenance." He sighed. "Your entire family is there to help you. I know that you're going to turn down any sleep aids that I offer you but let her family help you. I'm proud that you still make these appointments a priority but you really need to make yourself a priority too."

She just shook her head. "I need to be there, Patrick. Rachel would barely let me leave for this." She looked out the window as snow began to fall. "Great," she groaned.

"I am not going to disagree with you Shelby," he said carefully. "while you're wonder woman in so many ways, you're not perfect. You know you need to care for yourself. This trial is going to be horrible on all of you and worse for the girls but you will get through it but don't turn away any extra help. let the experts help where they can. It doesn't make you look weaker. It actually makes you look like an awesome parent doing the best you can for kids that have been dealt terrible cards. even adults can't handle the stuff that has happened to these girls"

"I know that, but I'm their adult. I'm their person,"

"You accepted help before, Shelby you just need to remember why you did. You know you should but that requires that you give and exchange with them. Okay?"

Shelby nodded. "I just don't want them to think I am giving up on them."

"You're not," Patrick urged. "You're accepting help. IT doesn't mean they're bad or not good enough it means their world has become more complicated for just you. Accepting help does NOT make you weak, Shelby."

"I know that," she whispered. "I used to be the service... I used to …. I used to get it... but now it seems so far away." She shook her head. "I have spent so long rebuilding and this and making them feel safe … and i feel like I'm pulling the rug out from under them. They knew that I'm fighting for them."

"I don't think you ever will, but your body might not give you any other choice," he stated. "Go home, be snowed in. Just relax."

She looked out the window and watched the snow fall.

"I should get home," she stated still looking at the snow.

"Drive safe," he said as she stood and started toward the door.

She nodded back at him. " Thanks."

"No problem."

….

Rachel frowned and looked out the window. She couldn't see the Henderson's house anymore because of the snow. She stood up from where she was sitting around the dining room table where they had set up Scattergories. Noah and Griffin becoming physically irritated as they waved their arms in the air and grunted with exasperation as they tried to complete their list. Meanwhile, Bear was quiet and thoughtful as was Brittany. However, Santana wasn't hiding her frustration just as the timer continued to tick. They hadn't been able to go out for their run because of the snow. Therefore, all of their energy was focused on this game.

Still though, Rachel wasn't focused on the game. She kept looking outside. She hadn't even realized that they had brought out the games to distract the family. She hadn't heard her uncle and grandparents talking about the movie looked more like everyone was in their head rather than focused on the plot line. The games brought the innate competitive nature in everyone. However, Rachel's gaze continued to be drawn to the falling snow outside.

"Is this a white out?" she asked from the window.

"Yup," she mumbled looking in Rachel's direction but then Quinn looked around her magazine from where she was lounging back behind Noah and Griffin. "That's not a garden tool," she stated pointing to the boys' list.

"Yes, it is," Griffin argued.

"It's not?" Noah whined. "You can use a chainsaw in the garden."

Rachel wandered over to the window and sat up on her knees as she rested her chin on the back of the couch to look out of the window.

"What if she can't make it? What if she crashes? What if she's stuck like that old lady who had to eat the snow because her car was buried? Will she know to eat the snow? Will the Lambertsons let us borrow their snowmobiler so we can go find her? I didn't buy new snowpants this year. Do you think mine from last year fit? Remember I got a snowsuit instead of snow pants to go with my jacket? I liked that better because then I couldn't get snow stuck in my pants... when I crawled into the snowfort that I made.-"

"Okay, honey," Michael said gently coming up behind her and sitting down. "We'll be fine. You mom is already on her way home and she'll be here any minute."

Rachel frowned and silently shifted and sat abruptly on her grandfather's lap and leaned against him with a frown.

"I want her to come back," Rachel whispered. "What if I see him ….. at the trial... and I can't breathe and I forget my words... and she's not there? What if-"

"Shh," Michael said as he kissed her temple. "She's going to be here any minute."

"But she might not be," Rachel mumbled. "Bad things always happen to us."

Brittany watched as Santana frowned and watched Rachel in silence. She wasn't even looking at the scattergories pad anymore.

"Rachel, that's not true," Michael stated gently wrapping his arms around her protectively.

"Yeah, it is," she whispered, but her eyes glazed slightly and she went on in a partial monotone as she looked at the floor. "My daddy died and that should have been enough hurt but then...then my papa took us and hurt us and-"

"Okay, Rach," Michael said quietly, hushing her gently.

A rough movement of the dining room chair made Rachel jump in his arms.

Santana moved swiftly out of the room, mumbling about going to the bathroom.

"It's right there," Quinn stated, pointing toward the bathroom off of the kitchen. She turned to Joey. "Why does she get to leave? I want to leave too."

"Quinn and she are grounded," Joey stated. "But she can go pee. It's not like jail."

"This feels like jail... at the north pole," she muttered.

"Be grateful that you have People Magazine," Joey retorted. "Elves are stuck making toys for spoiled kids."

"What?" Rachel asked from Michael's lap as the older man shot his daughter a glare. She watched after the direction that Santana went. She frowned and looked at Brittany as she cuddled more into her grandfather's arms. "What I said made her sad because she doesn't like talking about Daddy. Mumma tries but she doesn't like it."

Brittany gave her a soft smile and looked behind her at the stairs and then back toward Rachel and Quinn. It almost was like they weren't themselves. Rachel was looking out the window like there was a prize snowflake with an answer.

"Can I go get my monkey?" Rachel whispered.

Brittany shot up. "I'll get it."

"Do you know where George is?" Rachel asked.

Brittany gave her a small smirk and poked the little girl's nose. "Is he in your mumma's bed where you slept with him last night?" Rachel just nodded in a mixture of awe and sleepiness. She had been getting tired more often than not lately. Was that why her mother had told her to take a nap? "Then I will be right back, bug."

As soon as she headed up the stairs and she was sure her face was out of Rachel's view, Brittany let the worry settle on her face. She walked down the hallway. She passed Santana's nana folding laundry.

"She's in the bathroom, dear," Helen called out. "Don't be too long."

"I'm getting George for Rachel too," Brittany stated.

"I'll grab him and bring him down to her," Helen offered. "Don't be too long. I know she only wanted to see you. She rushed right past me."

Brittany gave a nod of gratitude and knocked gently on the bathroom door. "San?"

Santana had her back faced to her. Brittany saw her hands go up and wipe her eyes. Santana turned and flashed a smile at her.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey," she said gently as she wrapped her arms around her. "You okay?"

Santana nodded and looked at the ground while being encased in Brittany's arms. As always, Brittany didn't push her. She never wanted to; Santana wasn't one to respond well to that. Suddenly, Brittany felt Santana's lips on hers. She sunk into the kiss with a bashful smile, but the kiss itself became more intense. A frown graced Brittany's features as she tried her best to keep up with Santana.

"San-" Brittany tried between kisses.

Santana continued to kiss just as aggressively and Brittany's smile started to fade.

"Santana,"Brittany said finally forcing Santana's lips from her.

"Please," Santana said kissing her again and wrapping her arms around the blonde. Her fingers inched under Brittany's clothes. "Please. Please love me back."

Brittany could barely keep up with Santana's lips. She felt her breath hitch as Santana's fingers ran over her stomach.

"Oh god," she whispered. She let her mouth open with a gasp as Santana sucked on her pulse point. However, she was pulled out of her thoughts, when Santana's words echoed in her head. "Please love me," they had said. She found her will power and pushed Santana away as gently as she could.

"What?" Santana asked.

"Stop," Brittany said with a shake of her head.

"You don't want to be with me?" she whispered.

"Of course, I do," she whispered cupping Santana's face. "Not like this. Not when you're pretending not to be sad and you just... you just need to feel something else. I don't want to be your distraction."

Santana looked back at her with wide, tearfilled eyes. "That's... um... that's not it," she managed.

"Girls?"

Santana looked like she snapped out of a gaze. "We'll be right out, Nana."

"Take your time, San," her grandmother stated casually. "Brittany, I couldn't find Rachel's monkey. Did she say where it was?"

"I'll show you," Santana quickly volunteered and started toward the door. Brittany reached out her hand to stop her but Santana only walked past her hand. Brittany's fingers grazed her skin, but for the first time, they felt like ice to Santana.

When Brittany returned downstairs, Santana had Rachel in her lap and the small girl was playing quietly with the monkey. Noah was leaning on the dining room table looing at his scattagorie pad.

"You're drooling," Griffin said with disgust.

"Shut up," Noah mumbled to the table. "My body hurts too much to close my mouth and sit up."

"That's disgusting," Quinn stated as she and Joey switched magazines.

"Shut up," Noah groaned. "I feel like I was hit with a tractor...like the one at Pop-Pop's farm... with the blades."

"Blades?" Rachel asked from Santana's lap.

"The tiller," Michael corrected. "Not blades, Rach."

Bear reached over and felt Noah's forehead. "You feel warm, bud," he said. "You should go to sleep."

"Someone carry me up there," he moaned into the table.

Joey scoffed. "Sorry, the forklift is coming in next week."

"Jo," Bear said.

Joey rolled her eyes and leaned up to kiss her husband. "Yeah, yeah, be nice," she mumbled and received a kiss.

"Ewww," Quinn mumbled.

"You just want to get out of shoveling the driveway tomorrow," Griffin complained. "

"Shut it," Noah moaned again.

"Hello?"

Rachel popped up in Santana's arms. "Mumma?"

"Yup," Shelby called out from the mud room as she began to peel off her jacket.

"MUMMA!" Rachel barrelled into her causing her to lose her balance because only one arm was out of her coat, but somehow, Shelby managed to maneuver her arm out of her jacket and return to standing all with Rachel in one arm as her youngest wrapped her tiny arms around her neck and buried her head in right under her ear.

"Hello," Shelby said using one arm to rub soothing circles on her back while the other balanced the girl underneath her bottom.

She shared a look with her parents and her sister and brother-in-law. When she left Rachel was no where near this clingy. She looked around the room. When she left things didn't seem even close to this tense. The mood in the room was strange and her child clinging to her like velcro.

Shelby sat at the table and looked over at Noah. "You alright?"

"I'm tired," he complained.

Shelby glanced at the clock. It was late in the afternoon. There must be something wrong.

Helen set a cup of tea in front of Shelby as Shelby maneuvered Rachel and sat down at the breakfast table. Rachel continued to cling and didn't respond to Shelby's attempt to help the girl turn in her lap so that she was facing the group. However, it didn't work and she resorted to smoothing down Rachel's hair. Shelby gave her mother a nod of thanks as she continued to survey the room. Santana was sitting awkwardly on the couch with George in her lap; clearly, Rachel had been sitting there. Brittany was sitting in the adjacent chair next to Santana. Shelby hadn't seen two people sit so close but look so far apart. Meanwhile Quinn was pretending to be interested in the magazine she was looking at that had been sitting on the dining room table for weeks. She saw that Quinn's jaw was clenched in a way that it hadn't been since they went to Florida and even before that when she had first moved in

"I'm going to get started on dinner," Helen stated.

"What are we having?" Griffin asked.

"Roasted chicken," she stated. She saw Michael look at her. "I picked up one of the premade at the store. We just have to heat it up. Don't look at me like that Michael Richard Berry. I know what I can and cannot cook."

Noah interrupted with a moan into the table. "Ewwww..."

Shelby frowned. "Last time Nana made that Noah you ate the half of it yourself."

Noah just shook his head. "Go upstairs, bud," she said. "I'll bring you up some water. I want you to rest and I want the rest of you to stay away from him."

"Wait, I don't know if we have enough roast chicken for everyone, Jo," Helen stated. "Aren't you going home soon?"

Joey looked up at her husband. "Well," Joey began.

"The roads are really bad, Jo," Shelby said but then sighed when she felt Rachel hug her more tightly. Shelby looked back her sister. "It would be fine if you stay here again. Brittany, I'll call your parents. I knew that they were driving back today. I want to make sure that the don't get stuck in the storm." Shelby watched Brittany look over at Santana and Santana look intensely at George the monkey. "San, can you come help me with something please?"

Shelby attempted to gently guide Rachel from her shoulder only to feel a slight deadweight. "She looked at her father. "Is she asleep?" she asked quietly.

Michael leaned forward next to his daughter and looked at Rachel and she was indeed asleep. He stood up and took the girl from Shelby. "She's been worried about you all afternoon and … she was rambling about... the trial and things coming up. She's been strung out all afternoon. I was convinced she was going to fall asleep with Santana earlier, but I guess she was just waiting for her mama."

"Don't let her sleep too long," Shelby warned. "I need her to sleep tonight." She stood up and pointed at Santana. "Santana, come and help me for a second."

Santana gave her grandfather Rachel's monkey and followed her mother.

"What?" she asked as she propped her hand on her hip.

"What's going on?" Shelby asked quietly.

"Nothing," Santana said gripping both of her hips.

"Santana," Shelby stated. "What happened?"

"Nothing, Mom," she said. Santana looked up at her mother with hesitation. "I …I'm scared... and I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," Shelby stated pulling Santana into her arms. "did something happen between you and Brittany?" Santana gave a silent nod but she didn't respond. "I don't know if her parents will be able to make it back from Toledo tonight." santana gave a nod.

"We didn't fight...I just..."

"You just what?" Shelby asked.

Shelby watched as Santana attempted to but didn't know how to articulate what she was saying.

Shelby narrowed her eyes and searched her daughter. "Let's just go upstairs, you and me and we'll talk for a bit."

"Mom, I don't ….." Santana argued weakly.

"Please," Shelby stated. Santana conceded with a sigh. "We'll be right back," Shelby called as she led Santana upstairs.

She watched her daughter pace around the room. Santana hated confrontation … she hated anything that had to do with her. Shelby couldn't help be reminded that she had the tools to talk with Santana, but she had been so afraid to lose Santana in the process that she didn't use them.

"San, did someone say something that made you feel... overwhelmed?" Santana's eyes darted and gave Shelby her answer.

"Your pictures are getting dusty," Santana said as she looked at the pictures that lined Shelby's bureau.

"We can dust them," Shelby stated handing her the dust spray and rag from the bathroom cabinet.

Santana dusted quietly.

"Did Brittany come up and try to talk to you?" Shelby asked.

Santana nodded but didn't answer as she continued to dust.

"You were upset," Shelby said simply.

"Yeah," Santana replied as she paused with dusting.

"Brittany loves you so much, Santana," Shelby said gently. "I know I love you." Santana looked at the edge of the dresser and traced her finger along the pattern as she avoided her mother's gaze.

"I can't feel it," Santana whispered. "I …. I just want to feel … something... and... she pushed me away..."

"Not because she didn't love you," Shelby said softly.

"I can't feel her love," the girl whispered. "But... I can feel that."

Shelby took a deep breath. She knew what Santana was saying but not saying. Santana was talking about sex.

"I love you so much, San, and I know it's hard to feel it … Let alone accept it... but I promise you that you deserve every happiness in the world."

Santana's eyes locked with Shelby's. They were wide not with hesitation or confusion, but instead they were filled with mourning confidence; Santana believed so desperately that her mother was wrong.

Shelby went on. "You're so much more than you know, San. And I wish so desperately that I can shut up that voice in your head that says that you're not. You're strong, affectionate, kind and gentle, but you're also fierce and passionate and you love with your whole being. Someone would be so lucky for that love."

Santana leaned into her mother's embrace, not just for the comfort but because the intensity of her mother's words in combination with her loving gaze became too much for the girl to handle. Before she couldn't feel anything, now she could feel it all.

…..

Rachel blinked her eyes open and looked around. She was upstairs in her bed. she looked at the light coming into the room. She climbed out of bed, gripping her stuffed monkey tightly in her hand. She stared at the snow as it fell. She could barely see across the street anymore.

She leaned up on her tip toes and looked out front. Her grandpa was already beginning to plow because it was getting so deep that if he waited for it to stop the snow blower wouldn't be able to handle it.

She was brought out of her trance when she heard someone throwing up. She and George walked into the hallway.

She knocked on the door with a frown.

"Noah? Are you throwing up?"

Noah hurled again.

"Eww," Rachel said to herself. "Do you want me to get Mumma?" He hurled again. "That was chunky," she mumbled to herself.

"Rachel," she heard a warning tone.

She turned and looked over her shoulder at her mother who was carrying a glass of water.

"Hey," Shelby said as she set the water down and knelt in front of her. "Just in time. We're almost finished making dinner." She felt her forehead. "Are you feeling sick? Did you sleep okay?" Rachel nodded. "Which one?" Shelby laughed. She arched her brow. "Rachel, you're a big girl. I now that things are really scary right now but using your words are important."

"I slept okay," Rachel muttered. "I feel kinda feel tired... but not sick..."

Shelby gave a soft smile. "Okay...Go downstairs, Rach. Get ready for dinner please."

Rachel looked toward the bathroom. "Tell Noah that I hope he feels better."

Shelby nodded. "You need to make sure that you stay away from your brother until he gets better."

"That's not true," Rachel stated. "You know that the flu can spread before that. If Sugar gave it to us we already going to get it, it's just a matter of when."

Shelby cupped her child's face. "Thank you, smart girl. Now, please. Listen to me and go downstairs."

Rachel took George and walked slowly down the stairs. Quinn was curled up on the small couch in the living room and her cousins were playing Rummikub. Santana was sitting in silence on the far end of the couch away from Brittany. Their socked feet were barely touching. Santana looked up and gave her a smile.

"Hey, bug," she said as Rachel sat down on the edge of Santana's side of the couch and leaned into her.

"Why's Quinn sleeping?"

"Why were you sleeping?" she retorted. Rachel arched her brow. "Well, she wanted to go out and shovel with Pop-Pop and Nana said no because she's starting to feel warm so she had a tantrum and wore herself out."

"Shut up," Quinn hissed with her eyes still closed.

"Nana told her to lay down," Santana whispered. "She just stopped snoring a few minutes ago."

"San, stop, she wasn't snoring," Brittany added lightly.

Santana gave her girlfriend a look that Rachel couldn't read. "Are you fighting?" Rachel asked bluntly.

"No," Brittany said with a smile. "We're okay," she said softly as her eyes met Santana's.

"But you're not sitting next to each other," Rachel pointed out.

"But you're not sitting next to each other," Brittany mimicked and leaned over and tickled Rachel as she planted a kiss on the top of the girl's head and pulled her into her arms.

"Are you staying the night?" Rachel asked from Brittany's arms.

"Yeah, my parents are stuck in Toledo and they want me to stay here rather than driving home."

Rachel leaned back and looked at Santana who was taking a sip of water.

"Are you going to sleep with my sister?" Rachel asked.

Santana spit out her water.

Rachel's eyes widened. "I don't mean like that!" she practically shouted.

"Rach, no yelling in the house." Bear stated.

"But are you?" Rachel asked honestly.

"Your mom will figure out the sleeping arrangements. Do you think that if Noah had a girlfriend over that the girlfriend would get to sleep in the same room?" Michael asked.

Rachel frowned. "But it's Brittany. She sleeps with my sister all the time."

Santana looked around uncomfortably. "Rachel enough."

"Alright," Shelby stated as she walked into the room. "Everyone needs to stay away from Noah. He definitely has a flu. His fever is 102. I just gave him some medicine. Please. Don't go near him. I want to have people have the least contact with him so that this entire house doesn't get the flu."

She noticed Santana staring at Brittany and then looking at the floor and then away.

"What's going on?"

"Just Rachel asking her typically age appropriate questions," Joey stated.

Shelby rolled her eyes. "Wash your hands please and let's eat."

….

Sleeping arrangements were set. Santana, Quinn and Rachel will either sleep with Shelby or in Quinn's room. Brittany was going to sleep in Santana's room. Noah was going to remain barricaded in his room. Joey, Bear and the boys had finally made their way back to their own house. Finally, Nana and Pop-pop were n Rachels' room. That was everyone, Shelby thought to herself with a sigh. It was already ten o'clock. Rachel was asleep in Shelby's bed with George clenched to her chest. She had been clenching to everyone all day and it was breaking Shelby's heart.

"You ready?" Shelby asked as Quinn came into the room.

"For what?" Quinn asked.

"Bed," Shelby said with a soft smile. "Santana's saying goodnight to Brittany and then she'll be back in. I meant what I said before. I was wrong to make you and Santana sleep with me last night. You can sleep either in your bed or with me. It's your choice. You and Satana really violated my trust. I'm worried about the two of you. I want to trust you and give you space but I need you to see what these decisions are not okay. I'm not expecting you to be perfect."

"It feels like you kinda do," she whispered.

Shelby sighed. "Hey," she said as she enveloped her in a hug. "I'm sorry. I'm doing my very best and I'm not going to give up on you kids, but I'm worried that I can't help you as much as I want to." She pulled back and searched Quinn eyes. "I'm going to have a meeting the day after tomorrow after the three of you meet Elyse and I'm going to talk with her and we're going to see if we can help the three of you more."

Quinn's face fell and she shook her head. "Please don't do that. We don't need their help we just need to figure it out and -"

"You and Santana and Rachel think you need to do everything on your own. You don't. I know that you're so grown up aiso so many ways, but you did that by necessity. It's not your job to figure this out on your own and drown your pain on your own. I'm thankful that none of you kids are running away all the time or getting arrested or doing drugs. It's okay to feel like you're falling apart and it's my job to help you feel better." She cupped Quinn's face. "It's not supposed to be this hard."

Quinn bowed her head. "Having Griffin here..."

"Did he say something to you?" Shelby asked with a deep frown.

She shook her head. "No, he just reminded me who I was. I know he is just being protective of himself... I see that now, but I …. I was just mad and I didn't want to be with him and you all made me stay in the room with him and-"

"I'm sorry, Quinn," Shelby said. "You should have told me that. AS much as love you and as good as I am, I can't read your mind, thought I wish that I could. You have to talk to me."

Quinn gave a small sigh. "I'm scared about tomorrow... and then … later when we testify."

"I know," Shelby said hugging her again. "It's okay to be scared."

"I know," she said with emotion in her voice still avoiding her eyes. "But I'm scared all the time. I'm scared that this isn't real. I'm scared that this is …. this is going to ruin us... I'm...What if... What if they blame this all on me?"

"Oh, Q-bear," she whispered as she hugged her again. "I don't know what they'll do in court but I will love you no matter what. I know that this is a lot to ask of you. I'm trying to make it so that you and Rachel didn't have to testify but-"

"I have to," Quinn said with a new passion. "I have to because if I didn't …. They need to know what I saw. They have to. Rachel is more scared than any of us and she is just... she has so much faith in everyone but she feels like a shell of herself. I'm scared that she won't be her after the trial. Are you scared of that?"

"I'm scared of that for all of you, Quinn. I'm worried about what this will do to all of us," Shelby gave a soft smile. "No matter what happens. I won't give up on you."

"But what if you have no other choice?" Quinn asked. "What if we reach the bottom and we can't get back to the top?"

"Then I'll come down and get you," she said simply.

"But what if can only choose one," Quinn asked."

Shelby gave a tiny sigh. "Quinn, sweetheart. I'll never chose. I'll always go back for you." She hugged her tightly. "Life is hard, Quinn, but millions of people weren't put on this earth to expect to do it alone. Okay? Life is full of surprises and challenges and I cannot wait for you you experience all of its wonders and grow and learn and be. I promise you that we will get to the other side of this."

Quinn was quiet for a few moments but she stayed nestled in Shelby's arms. "I want to stay in here," she whispered. "I sleep better here."

"I sleep better too," she muttered.

….

Santana laid on her back in her mother's bed. She couldn't sleep. The entire house was asleep except her. She remembered having a quiet conversation with Brittany before they went to bed. She mumbled apologies and they left it at that, but the silence of the night amplified the loudness of her head. Was Brittany rejecting her? Did she see how desperate Santana was to fill that void? Did she see Santana as too fragile and weak to handle it?

She frowned and crept quietly out of the bed and made her way down to her bedroom.

Brittany was sleeping there silently. Without hesitation as she silenced the butterflies in her stomach she climbed under the covers and lay next to her. As she rested her head on the pillow she moved closer to to Brittany. She carefully draped her hand across Brittany's midsection but then pulled away. She needed to do this right. She needed to do it perfectly. She slipped back from underneath the covers and peeled off her sweatpants and then took off her long sleeve shirt so that she was only in her sports bra and underwear. She crawled back into bed with Brittany and draped her arm across the girl's chest, hooking it with the top of her shoulder.

Brittany smiled softly and Santana watched her graceful face as the street lights lit up her room just enough to see the delicate features. She bit her top lip with her teeth and leaned up and kissed Brittany so softly that when she closed her eyes she pretended that she was the prince and Brittany was the princess and her kiss would awake her from the deepest darkest sleep. She was going to feel better. She was going to feel whole. When she kissed her she didn't hurt as badly. Doing more must make the hurt stop completely. Right?

Santana leaned and kissed her again.

Brittany's eyes fluttered open and she smiled into the kiss.

Santana shifted so that her leg and bare stomach were draping over her. Brittany pulled Santana closer but Brittany's eyes opened when she felt bare skin.

"San, what are you doing?" she asked with wide eyes as she pulled away from the kiss. "San... what's going on?"

Brittany sat up and Santana leaned in for another kiss and ran her hand beneath Brittany's shirt. "Come on, Britt," she said with a kiss. "Please. I'll make it beautiful."

Brittany pushed her away when SAntana kissed her again. "Stop."

"Please," she begged with suddenly tear filled eyes. "Please. I need to be close to you. I love you. This is about us. This is about us. I think we can do this."

Brittany woke up. "Not like this, San." She reached out to her and Santana tearfully pushed her away. "Santana," she began.

"No," Santana said as she pulled her clothes back on and furiously wiped her tears. "You don't want me. I'm trying."

"Come here, San," Brittany offered.

"No," Santana said her tears were now uncontrollable. "I'm trying here. I'm trying."

"I know," Brittany said gently.

"Don't you want me?" Santana asked tearfully. She didn't know how to tell Brittany that this had never happened to her before. She had never been rejected from sex.

"Santana, I do," Brittany said sitting up and trying to move toward her. "I just... I think you want to need me because you want me to fill this void. I see that you're hurting and you're sad. and -"

"It's not your job to save me," Santana said trying to push her away.

"I'm not trying to!" Brittany said.

"I need you! I need you all the time! I'm trying to do something for you! I'm trying to love you back!" Santana hissed. She was almost sobbing. "Please," she whispered. "Why don't you love me back!"

"I'm just trying to love you the best I know how. I'm trying to be here for you but you keep... you keep trying to find excuses for why you don't deserve that. or you keep pushing us to something when we're not ready... I'm not ready. I just … Why can't we talk? Is that too hard?" She slammed her hands down in a fit of frustration that looked so foreign on the typically calm and gentle face. "STOP trying to sabotage us!"

Santana stared back at her with heartbreak. "I'm not," she whispered.

"Well, it feels like you are," Brittany whispered. She shook her head. "I want to be with you. I want to love you and I want to be that person for you but you keep pretending that either you're okay or we're perfect but you never come to me. Not really, San. I want to kiss you and hold you and make love to you but look at you right now... You're not doing this for us. You're doing it for you."

Santana shook her head and let the tears fall. "That's not true."

"Santana, you can keep doing this," Brittany said as she took a step forward only to have Santana shake her head and back away. Brittany sighed and shook her head. "You're pushing everyone away so you don't hurt as badly if by some crazy chance they'll leave you. I won't leave you. I am here, but I won't be here if you keep pushing me like this." She move forward toward her again. "You have to stop hurting yourself."

"I'm not," Santana hissed. "I'm not a cutter or something. I'm fine. I'm fine!"

"You know what I mean," Brittany whispered.

Santana crossed her arms protectively in front of herself. She shook her head. "Well, I'm sorry that I'm not good enough." She rushed out into the hallway.

"San, that's not what I said," Brittany rushed after her.

"What's going on?" Shelby asked as she came into the hallway. "Girls, it's two o'clock in the morning."

Santana just let her tears fall down her face when she realized her mother was staring at her and her girlfriend was staring at her. "I'll never be good enough." Her mother and Brittany moved toward her. She put her hands up. "So just stop... just … stop trying."

Shelby watched Santana disappear into Quinn's room. She wants to be alone, she told herself. She wants me to leave her alone. Shelby shook her head. She didn't care.

"Come on, let's talk really quickly," Shelby said gently as she led them back to the Santana's room. "What happened?" she asked Brittany carefully.

"I... um... I woke up and …. she was laying next to me..." She looked at Shelby and then looked away. "She was … um...She was in her bra and underwear."

Shelby let out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry, Brittany, Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said with a shake of her head. "Santana does that all the time..." Her words drifted off. "I mean … she um... sometimes she needs something physical …. when she's feeling overwhelmed."

Shelby mulled over her words carefully. "Has she ever pushed herself on you when you don't want it?"

Brittany looked at her shocked. "She is still Santana. She would never hurt me. She might be passive aggressive but she's not aggressive!"

Shelby put her hands up. "I'm not saying that she is, I'm just asking a question." She wasn't going to tell this girl that sometimes children who were abused become abusers not always because they want to hurt someone back but because they need to regain that control. It was something that the psychologists had told her in New York wouldn't happen with Santana's behaviors, but it might continue to be a possibility.

"She's just so sad and I just... I want to make it better for her. She thinks that everyone is going to give up on her but I won't... but I also won't do that … I'm not ready for that."

"That's fine, Brittany. It's okay not to be ready," Shelby said. She looked at Brittany. "You can stay in here for a few minutes but I'm going to go and lay with her and just be there with her. You can come in if you want to."

"I don't know if she'll want to see me."

"I guarantee you she does. She doesn't know how to ask," Shelby said gently.

She walked through the bathroom into Quinn's room and climbed up onto the bed.

"I don't want to talk," Santana said with a fierce tone dripping with anxiety.

"You don't have to," Shelby whispered.

Santana bit her lip as she felt the tears sting her eyes. "I messed it up," she whispered. "Will you stay here and hold me?"

"Always, San," Shelby whispered as she spooned her from behind. "I love you too much to let go."

"Mumma, I am so tired and angry all the time and I can't do this anymore. Stop believing in me," she cried quietly.

"I never will, Sanny. I never will."

"You still should," she whispered.

Santana leaned back against her mother and let go. She did so not because she wanted to, but only because she couldn't hold on to all of the toughness and the bravery anymore.

…..

The next morning came all too fast. Santana remained silent most of the morning. Brittany went home the next morning. She was looking green. Shelby told them that she wasn't feeling well and while she did look under the weather, Shelby couldn't help but think it was something more than that.

Elyse smiled at the girls as she "You ready?"

Quinn was brought back into the present. Elyse was over at the house to do damage control aka therapy sessions but they were conveniently right after their meeting with Alicia.

"I don't know," Rachel asked as she leaned into Quinn. "Do we have to meet with the lady alone?"

"With Alicia?" Shelby asked. "Yes," she said gently.

"I don't want to," Rachel said.

"We know you don't but you need to, Rach," Quinn said.

"Alright, Rachel, are you ready?" Alicia looked up from her papers. "We're going to practice and talk. I want to make sure you know exactly what to expect."

Quinn scoffed. "Yeah, like you can prepare us for that."

"Mom," Santana called from the kitchen.

Shelby looked up at her eldest daughter and gave her a heavy sigh. Not only was she emotionally exhausted but she now appeared someone pale.

"You look terrible," Quinn said as she took in Santana's appearance.

Shelby went over and felt her forehead. "Oh, Sanny," she sighed. "Let's get you in bed."

"Wait," Rachel called and ran after Santana and warapped her arms around her waist. "Feel better."

"Bug, I know you want to hug Santana but we need to keep those of you who aren't sick healthy. Okay?" Shelby was worried. Quinn and Rachel hasn't had a flu since they were sick in the hospital. She wasn't sure how their bodies would handle it.

"Mom, she's just doing this to get out of therapy," Quinn teased lightly. "Jealous."

"You should be," Santana winked back weakly. "You're just pissed because you didn't think of it earlier."

"Okay, enough," Shelby stated. "Rachel, go in and speak with Alicia please."

Rachel took a deep breath and walked into the study with a heavy heart. She stared at the books on the wall. She should read more books. Why were the shelves so high? Her mind continued to wonder.

"Rachel."

"What?"

"Did you hear what I said?"

Rachel shook her head. "No, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It's just that I was saying it's important to be focused. You can always ask them to repeat the question. You just need to answer their question. Okay?"

Rachel nodded.

"Okay, Rachel," Alicia said. "Why don't you tell me from the beginning what happened the day of the accident?"

Rachel's eyes went wide and her breath became shallow. "That... that's one of the questions?"

"Do you want to see the questions that they're planning to ask you? They're supposed to let you know for the most part before hand."

Alicia offered the pad of paper to her. Rachel looked at the careful writing.

"These are confusing," she said after a moment of looking at the questions.

"They might try to confuse you, Rachel," Alicia said honestly. "Because of what happened to you when you were little and because of we're charging Mr. Schuester for, they're trying to make it seem like you're confused. That's why is it very important that you answer the questions only."

Rachel gave a nod and looked at her hands. "um... Can I bring my monkey up on the stand?"

Alicia sighed. "No, honey, you can't." She knelt down in front of the sitting girl. "I know that this is not something that you want to do. We want to keep you safe, okay? He hurt you and we want to make sure he never does again."

Rachel gulped. "Will he be in there?"

"Yes, he will, Rachel," she said honestly.

"He'll see me?"

"Yes," Alicia answered. Rachel checst began to rise and fall.

"Rachel, he's not going to hurt you in there. He and his lawyer to do the trail in front of a jury. A judge will be there and lots of security guards. He cannot hurt you. All you have to do is tell the truth."

"I don't remember it all," she sobbed.

"That's okay," Alicia said. "You just have to answer the questions, okay? You can always wave me over."

Rachel nodded and looked at her hands. "I don't want to do this," she whispered.

"Rachel," Alicia sighed and knelt again in front of her. "We have him right now for some charges and without your testimony they might minimize what happened. I want to make sure he doesn't hurt you anymore. I know you're scared. I'm scared for you but it's one day in your whole life and then … it'll be over."

Rachel looked up at her with tear filled eyes. "My entire life has been changed by short moments... I know that it only takes a moment to ruin your life. I know that."

Alicia sighed. "Rachel, this isn't just about you. I want to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else."

"Has he?"

The lawyer looked at the little girl, suddenly feeling vulnerable under her eyes. "Yes."

Rachel had a new look in her eyes as her tears fell down her cheeks. "I'll do it," she said with her shoulders back.

"You're one of the bravest girls I know, Rachel," Alicia said softly.

Rachel shrugged. "No, I'm not... What if I change my mind?"

"Then I won't call you to the stand, but the other side has subpoenaed you meaning that you need to go and answer their questions."

"I want to answer your questions," she whispered.

"Okay," Alicia smiled. "Thank you."

….

Quinn frowned and glared at Alicia. "You better make sure that she's okay." The blonde glared at her. "I saw her when she left here. I better make sure that he doesn't rip her apart on the stand."

"I'll try my best, Quinn," she saie honestly. "But … I think your questions might be really hard too."

"Whatever... ask me..."

"Firstly, it's important that you don't talk about the trial with your sister."

"Pretty sure she panics hearing the Law and Order theme when our grandmother watches it so... yeah I won't be talking to her about it," Quinn bit back.

Alicia leaned against the desk. "Quinn, it's very important that you answer only the questions that they ask you."

"That's a dumb thing to say," Quinn snapped. "Of course I'll answer their questions."

"Quinn, they're going to try to throw you off and discount you as a witness," Alicia said trying to get Quinn to see the magnitude of this.

Her armor was beginning to fade. "How?" she asked with her arms folded tightly across her chest.

"They talked some to Finn Hudson and your past with your father... is..."

"Is what?"

"Is available. It might be used against you," she said.

"I don't understand," she said with a frown.

"Quinn, sometimes trauma and experiences like yours can …. cause people to hurt others," Alicia said.

Quinn jumped up in rage. "I would NEVER hurt her! EVER!"

"I'm not saying you did, Quinn," she sighed. "I'm just saying that it very well might be brought up. And the way to stay focused is answer their questions as simply and honestly as possible."

"I'm not a perfect person," she said tearfully.

"I didn't say that you were," she sighed. "I'm just saying that they might make you out to be something that you're not."

Quinn stared at the floor. "It wouldn't be the first time."

Alicia looked at her carefully. "Quinn, the defense may try and say you are lying and attempt to prove it. You have to be prepared for that. Only you know what has been a lie and what is the truth. Okay?"

Quinn continued to stare at the ground. "Okay..."

….

Shelby pulled the thermometer out of Santana's ear. "Yup, San, you have it," she said with a sigh.

Santana shook her head and pulled the the strings of her hoodie as she also pulled her knees up to her chest.

"I don't want to be sick," she sighed.

"Tough luck, San, you are," Shelby said kissing her on the forehead.

"Rach and Quinn need me," she said as she pushed her legs over the bed.

"No, no, you stay in bed, missy. I'm sure once you lay down you'll be out like a light. Maybe I'll move you and your brother together so you can keep each other company," Shelby said. She nodded at the thought. "I'll bring him down here with you so maybe Nana can shampoo the carpets in his room. She's managed to find time to do it with the rest of the house..."

"Mom, you're talking about cleaning outloud," she hissed.

"How are you doing with what happened last night?" Shelby asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," she whispered. "I can't. I'm sick I have to rest."

Shelby sighed at sat on the edge of the bed. "Nice try." She soaked in Santana's body language. "You know that what happened wasn't okay. It wasn't a good solution."

"I know that now, thanks," she bit back.

"Santana," Shelby began again.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said with a heavy frown.

"At least think about it please. You're actions may not have been their best, but she still loves you and cares about you. Were you trying to prove something to yourself?"

"I don't want to talk about it!" she scolded.

"Santana," Shelby pushed again. "I love you so so much and I wish you could see how much I love you." She frowned disappeared down the hallway.

Santana let out a slight sigh of relief. She didn't want to talk about it. Not at all. Barely five minutes later her mother returned with an iPod.

"What's that for? That's not mine. That's yours," Santana said.

"I know," Shelby said. "I made something for you."

Santana frowned. "What? A playlist?"

"I couldn't sleep these past few nights and I've been watching you your entire life and…" She gave a vulnerable shrug. "And I love you more than words and I have... I see that you struggle sometimes and I want to fix it all. Support you and love you but I know that you have to figure some stuff out on your own and we can't fix everything overnight. So …. I … I made you a playlist."

"I don't... I don't think i've ever seen you stutter," she said with an embarrassed smile. "Did you put any jazz on it?"

"You'll have to see. It's just. It's just all those things I wish I could say to you, but I can't always... or things that I think might help you find your voice. I hear the song and I think of you." She smiled. "I have great taste in music. Thank you very much!"

"Because we showed you some of our music," she grinned. Santana rolled her eyes but continued to lean into her mother's arms.

Shelby kissed the top of her head as she cupped her cheek. "Every song means something a little different. Whether to me or it reminds me of you... or yeah... It's under your name. Rest, okay?"

Santana just nodded as she looked down at the iPod. "Thanks, Mom," she called after her.

"You're welcome, Taz."

Santana watched her go before she looked down at the playlist. She scrolled through it as she unraveled the ear buds.

"Soldier" by Ingrid Michaelson

"Better" by Regina Spektor

"Life is Beautiful" by Vega4

"Make You Feel My Love" by Adele

"Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise" by the Avett Brothers

"Everything'll Be Alright (Will's Lullaby)" by Joshua Radin

"Solsbury Hill" by John Hiatt

"Ups and Downs" by Kendall Payne

"Come Downstairs and Say Hello" by Guster

"I Feel It All" by Feist

"Little Pieces" by Gomez

"All We Are" by Matt Nathanson

"Falling Awake" by Gary Jules

"Winter Song" by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson

"Young Blood" by Birdy

"No One" by Alicia Keys

"Before You" by Chantal Kreviazuk

"The Battle" by Missy Higgins

"Light Outside" by Wakey! Wakey!

As Santana listened to the first music, for the first time in her entire life, she realized her mother did see her, with more clarity and love than anyone else. The songs captured not just Shelbys feelings for Santana, but they also gave voice to so many of the feelings that Santana had in her heart that she couldn't articulate. Santana knew without a doubt which song and which lyrics were her mother's and, so loudly, more so than ever before, Santana heard which were her mother's to her, and which were her mother attempted to give her untamed emotions a voice.

…...

Shelby descended down the stairwell as the girls made their way into the kitchen. They were silent. She was scared of what had been said with Alicia and even more worried about what was said later in the meeting that each of them had with Elyse.

"How did it go?" she asked as Elyse paused rom packing her bag.

Elyse gave a sigh. "Are you available tomorrow?"

Shelby frowned. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I just... I think that I want to talk to a supervisor about this. Something …."

Shelby frowned. "If the meeting is tomorrow, you've already had time to show him or her the file," she inferred.

"I need help," Elyse stated. "I want to include you in the conversation."

"Well, thanks," Shelby hissed.

"Just... can you?"

"What time?" Shelby asked.

"We can do the morning. We'll both be in the office."

"Okay, I'll come over at ten," Shelby said still in defensive mode. "How were their sessions?"

"Quinn was very passive and worried about the trial but she was very... vague... And Rachel kept asking about the other girls-"

"Who told her about the other girls?" Shelby asked with a flare, but attempted to remain quiet because of the kids in the house.

"I think that Alicia said something," Elyse began.

"Are you kidding me?" Shelby snapped.

"Mumma?" Rachel called from the kitchen.

Shelby looked to her left and Rachel was standing with her monkey at her side. She forced a smile. "Why don't you go hop in the shower, Rachel? By the time you're finished, we should be ready for dinner. And straight up and come straight down, Rach. Don't stop and see your brother and sister. I really want to keep you and Quinn healthy."

"Okay," Rachel said quietly.

As soon as the door was shut and the water was running, Shelby continued the conversation.

"What did she say?"

"She was mainly concerned about their experiences and if they were the same or similar to her own."

Shelby pinched her brow. "I …. just... I okay... is she still here?"

"She was paged out right after Quinn's session with her," Elyse explained. "But she is concerned about the girls on the stand. "We wouldn't be calling them to the stand if they weren't being called by the defense."

Shelby shook her head. She didn't care why … all she cared about was that it was happenng and she couldn't stop it.

….

The next morning, ready and prepared to be the "head bitch in charged" as her children called it, Shelby walked into the Elyse's office and spotted Angela right away.

"Hi," she said with a surprised smile. She saw Elyse coming out of the room from the corner of her eye. She gave a slight scoff and shake of her head. "You're coming to the meeting ….. about my children."

"I'm here to just offer some feedback," she offered. "It's nice to see you."

Shelby shook her head and put her hands up. "I know how my children look on paper."

"Elyse asked for feedback and so did you and that is why I'm here." She sighed. "Let's just talk. I know you, okay? Don't get defensive yet."

Shelby nodded. She had worked a lot with Angela over the years. She had worked with her on countless cases professionally. Angela was incredibly smart and her decades of experience made her an expert in the field. However, these weren't just the average kids. These were her children.

They settled in Elyse's office. Shelby has almost forgotten what it looked like.

Angela met her eyes and with the genuine care that she was none for she said, "I want to say Shelby that I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to Rachel."

"Me too," she whispered as she felt a strange surge of emotion bind in her throat.

"And I am sad that I haven't had a chance to meet Quinn. I hope to meet her soon." She looked briefly over at Elyse and then back to Shelby. "We suspect that he tried something with Quinn too, right?"

Shelby nodded wiping away her tears. "Yeah... but she's not really talking."

"How are Santana and Noah?" Angela asked.

"Noah's okay but he feels useless and that kills me... Santana's … um... she's having a hard time... She um... she was outed pretty publically and terribly at school."

Angela nodded. "Elyse told me a little about that."

There was an odd tone in the room. It was like everyone was holding their breath.

"The trial is coming up. It's... actually started... The girls testimonies aren't until later this week," Shelby stated as if she were building up to something.

"Yes, they are. Are you prepared?"

"I don't know how much they'll regress," Shelby said honestly. "They already have begun."

"I looked over Elyse's notes carefully and I've really thought about this, Shelby," Angela began. "I have some suggestions and some recommendations for you and the kids."

Shelby visibly sighed and gave a nod. "Okay."

"You know just as well as I do that there are fantastic programs out there that could really be utilized here. It seems like the kids haven't dealt with the trauma that happened in New York."

"When it all happened, we did trauma therapy. We had the parent mentor. I learned how to be a better parent for them. Be more patient have different coping mechanisms for them."

"You're a fantastic parent, Shelby," Angela said. "I'm not saying that either. I'm saying it because it's true. You know the parents we work with. They don't have boundaries established. They don't have limits on themselves. Typically, you're not a parent that we work with because you have it so together. Your children have been through so much and then the combination of this most recent trauma has opened all that old trauma up. Maybe it was set off when Quinn first moved in and I'm not blaming Quinn for that. At most I want to thank Quinn for that. This gives us an opportunity to address these things while they're still young. Imagine if they were in their mid twenties or thirties trying to rummage through all this. Sometimes we all just need some help."

Shelby chewed her lip. "I need them to know that I love them and I'm not giving up on them. I don't want to push them into this."

"But you know as well as I do that love isn't enough sometimes. We need help from people where this is their job and Santana, Quinn and Rachel aren't close to them." Angela sighed. "I agree that I don't think the girls would do well in residential. I think that a therapeutic mentor would be great for them. We can think about a good day program. From what I've gathered, Santana needs to really sort through a lot. I'm not discounting the work that you've done or her other therapists in the past, but it seems that Santana is a very explosive girl. While her lamp breaking seems to have tampered off over the years, it's still a strategy she falls back on."

Shelby bit her lip. "She's always been just a girl who feels so tremendously. I think she feels like she needs to punish herself for what happened to Rachel... I assume you read the portion recently where her multiple sexual partners were revealed. I worry about them all the time, but especially Santana... She... um..." Shelby trailed off, unable to find her words.

"She has a lot of self-destructive behavior," Elyse suggested.

"So much so," Angela continued. "That I gather, just from her papers that this is her being restrained. I'm worried about when and if she loses it completely."

Shelby looked at her hands. "When we were in New York, after they were found, Santana had to be medically sedated multiple times. It was one of the reasons when CPS in New York treaded so carefully with our case. Rachel was at the shelter because I didn't have the medical capabilities to support her. They had 24 hour nursing. She needed that care. It just... it so happened that that same facility worked with children who had been through trauma like Noah and Santana and... .after a lot of discussion, having them stay in that program was what was best." Shelby shook her head. "All they remember though, is that they weren't with me. We were trying to make them feel safe and ready. Santana originally said she didn't feel safe... and now... in hindsight I feel like consenting to services from CPS I made things worse."

"Opening up for services with them gave you the option to have greater access. It's hard for the kids to understand that it's a choice. That services are a choice to families. Granted there are many social workers that use that 'choice' as an ultimatum but ultimately it's a choice." Elyse sighed. "I don't think now is an opportunity to clarify all the details of what happened in New York, but it's something that I think we should discuss with them."

"Quinn is new to you," Angela began.

"And I love her just as much as the other three,"Shelby interrupted.

"I don't doubt that," Angela began. "She just also appears to have some issues that I think would benefit from more services."

"She's trying to establish herself. She's trying to just figure out her place in the world. I'm just getting her to a comfortable place in the home. She's finally sleeping in her bed. Now that it's off the ground. She sleeps through the night for the most part-"

"And Rachel and Santana do they sleep in their own beds?"

Shelby bit her lip. "Like I said, they've kind of regressed and neither of them can sleep with the trial coming up if they sleep alone, especially Rachel."

Angela nodded and looked at Elyse before she looked back at Shelby. "You know that they need to sleep on their own."

"This was a battle that was had for awhile," Elyse pointed out. "Santana and Rachel tend to cling when they need each other and when they don't they don't. It's very subtle."

"The three of them, Quinn, Santana, and Rachel, are really leaning on each other right now. The three of them sleep together and they all seem to sleep better," Shelby stated.

Angela took a deep breath. "I don't doubt that they do. The three of them all have long histories of not feeling safe in bed. Something, though we should work on is helping them function apart for each other. Spending an hour or so apart would be good."

Shelby nodded. "I was out of the house for a few hours for my personal therapy appointment yesterday and Rachel freaked out a little. She clung to me and everyone else. She waited by the window until I got home."

"And she'll do that and that's okay. And every time you come home, she'll be reminded that you won't leave her. They all will," Angela encouraged. "I think... and I've been trying to figure out how to have this discussion with for a long time."

"Okay," Shelby stated, bracing herself.

"I've noticed this is something that you do a lot, but not as severely as parents that we all have dealt with again, you have to remember that," Angela said.

"Stop trying to build me up, Ang," Shelby said with a sigh. "Just say it."

"You tend to tip toe around their trauma. You don't push them about it or even really try to get them to talk about it. You allow it to be an excuse," Angela said carefully.

Shelby took a deep breath. I know my children and I put boundaries in place and I may have made a mistake in not pushing them but I... " she looked at her hands. "I try to talk about their father and San shuts down and Rachel follows suit. Noah is fine talking about him. And he talks about him with Santana some but Santana generally doesn't respond. Rachel doesn't know what to say. She's said to you Elyse, I know that she doesn't know how to feel about her father. She didn't know him but he was the reason that Hiram came into her life but she's also a man that her sister idolized." Shelby sighed. "With Quinn too, we're trying to sort out her relationships with her biological parents...I just don't want to push them because I know that they'll shut down."

Angela nodded. "Quinn's situation is incredibly troubling and sad. Her history with her father has so many layers of unquestionably awful experiences. We certainly need to focus though on allowing her to come to terms with it herself. I know Elyse is concerned that Quinn believed that she killed her child... that she caused the miscarriage." Shelby gave a nod. "And also she's been understandably very spontaneous and pushing the boundaries. With the tattoo and all."

Shelby sighed. "Yes... I... Yes, she had." She was out of words. "I love her very much and right now I'm just focusing on helping to convince her that it's genuine."

"And that's true. We're all in the field. We know that they could potentially. We want to be patient and let them be ready to talk about it, but we also need to put them in arenas that allow them to do so. you know? I think the girls would benefit from some group supports. The day program has some great groups for the girls." She paused. "There are also supports available if they don't want to be a part of the group or if they become disruptive or it becomes too much. The girls both demonstrate some very concerning behaviors. I know you're concerned too."

Shelby thought about it for a moment with her eyes closed. "I agree that we can't have them stay silent anymore - its no longer an option …. They need to process it one way or another. I would rather continue their schooling with Holly, but we can look into these groups for an extra curricular. They have to be in an environment that can handle it and process it with them. They have the support at home but they need to know how to handle it themselves for the future and a group program will help them..." She looked at her hands. "It's hard but I think this is the best solution." She paused. "I'm unsure though, if Rachel can handle a group session. Quinn and Santana will be mostly in the same program, but Rachel will be alone."

Elyse casted a glance over at Angela. "I know you're concerned for Rachel separating from the others, but I think that's what she needs. She needs to feel needed, Shelby. Yes, she's regressing and she has been clinging. She'll still have you but she needs to stand on her own again. Before Will happened, she was still struggling. She was having a hard time at school. She was so eager to show that she was independent when she wasn't. We need to help her get there."

"I'm not saying that I don't want her there," Shelby interrupted. "I want all of them there." She ran her hand through her hair. "They are all so scared right now and I'm worried about pulling the rug from underneath them."

"That's a valid concern," Angela agreed. "But Rachel needs to not have her catch her every time she falls."

Shelby pinched the bridge of her nose. "Last time I did that, Will Schuester molested her and excuse me for being overprotective." She shook her head as all of her feelings surfaced. "I'm sorry."

"No," Angela said kindly. "It's okay to be pissed, Shelby. As always you're coping with this with such grace and strength and -"

She squeezed her eyes shut. "Please stop," Shelby hissed. "I'm not. I'm worried all the time. I'm scared all the time." Her words were staccato as she held her hand over her heart. "I'm so afraid for them …. that one wrong move one word will make their gray day a pitch black day. I know that I need help with them. I do. I'm not saying that you're wrong but … I'm scared of the world and if it'll continue to spit them up and chew them out." She looked Angela in her eyes. "You and I both know what can happen in those programs. And I can't have that happen to my kids."

Angela put her hands up. "I understand, SHelby."

"Shut up, Angela. You don't. You really don't."

Elyse looked at her with pause and weighed her words before she said them carefully. "Shelby, we are on your side. We don't want worse things to happen these kids. Okay? We may not love them exactly like you do or see what they've been through but we are on your side."

Shelby shook her head. The armour that she had come in with was now gone. "They testify tomorrow."

"We know."

"I'll talk to them afterward about this."

"So we'll call and see if they have openings for you and try to make referrals."

Shelby nodded. "If they don't have openings for all then I won't do it. They need to start in it together."

There were a few more questions. A few signatures, but at the end of it, she felt numb not because the decision she was making could potentially make things worse. But there was also a part of her that felt like the choice that she was making was just the icing on the cake. The rest of it was going to come tumbling down.

I know that we didn't get to the girls' testimonies and I keep waving in front of your face like someone holding bait in front of someone and then pulling it away. I swear that its not my intention. As I developed the characters, for this chapter, I realized that some parts needed to be bridged. I now working full time day hours and not full time with night hours where I got off of work at 12 am or 1am and had to do an overnight every week. Now I'm doing 9-5 and the choirs are singing. I'm able to write more regularly and talk with my betas regularly. I don't want to make promises what I cannot keep but the plan is to write more regularly and to not have such long waits between chapters. Also, knock on wood, i hope, I pray, it's perfectly planned in my outline, the girls' testimonies are next. I have so much planned for this story: Open Wounds and then later for the sequel. Thank you for sticking with the story! Please let me know what you think. Thank you!