I want to propose.

I want to ask you those four words and see your face light up. I want to be your fiancée and show you off even more than I do.

But, I'm a coward.

I've had your ring in my dance bag for four months. Sitting and waiting for the right time, the right moment. And, I don't know why baby. Every day is the right time, every moment is the right moment, but I still haven't asked.

I want it to be worthy of you, this question.

I want you to feel the spectacle and the romance, I want it to be perfect.

I love you so much and I want to give you everything you've ever wanted, and I know that the big proposal is something that you want. I just can't figure out how to do it.

And every time I look at you I want to breathe out that question. I wanted to ask you the day I bought your ring. Just sit down and pull it out of my bag and give it to you. You noticed I was happier that day, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face and my mood was through the roof. It led to some very fun sex and then neither of us could wipe the smiles off our faces.

Truth is, I've wanted to marry you since our seventh date.

You were so cute that day, when all of our plans fell through and you just said fuck it and ordered Chinese from that little spot by your old apartment and lit candles all over the room and we sat on the floor laughing and feeding each other bites of food with chopsticks. It was such a change from all of the other dates you were in charge of that were so planned and perfect. It was your silly side, your spontaneous side that came out that night. I was immediately drawn to it.

You were sexy as hell that night, babe.

And now I know how I want to propose to you.

Oh, honey, I'm so excited.

I clean up the living room and call the Chinese place on the way out the door. I'll have to pick up, but it'll be worth it. Your flowers are next. The way your face lights up when I still give you flowers years later is always so worth it. I get to the flower shop and find the most gorgeous bouquet by the window. It's not what I would have picked out, but seeing it… I need to get it for you. It's beautiful, colorful, soft, just like you.

Baby, I can't wait to see your face when you see these.

I hear my phone chirp with your text tone when I'm almost back home with everything I need, but I don't have a free hand to check it. I just hope you're not there yet, because I want you to walk into this. I can't wait to see you and the soft look of wonder you get on your face when I've surprised you.

It's one of my favorite Santana looks.

You're not home yet, so I set up everything with soft candles and music. I open your favorite wine and let it breathe, let it wait for you. I finally check my phone and your texts, seeing that you'll be a little bit later than you thought. I roll my eyes. Baby, you're always a little bit later than you think when you're in the studio. I love that you remind me, but Santana, I know this about you now.

I've always been a patient person, and being with you has made me more so. I will wait eternities for you, because you're you. You're worth it in so many ways that make patience the easiest thing in the world.

But, when it's been over an hour and you're still not home, I can feel my heart start to sink. Not for the annoyance, but for the ruined plan.

I should have just asked you the day I bought your ring after we had all that interesting lady sex.

Then way your eyes looked at me that day, all sleepy, sated, serene, made me feel like the best person in the entire world. I still smile when I think about it, how you looked that day underneath me.

Baby, I don't know what you did to me. I want you to do it forever. Please come home so I can ask you to do it forever.

The sound of the door shutting jolts me. It's dark in the apartment, the candles have burned low and the television is softly playing in the background. I hear you stumble while you take off your shoes and realize that I must have fallen asleep waiting for you.

You're late. So late.

And I'm even grumpier now because you coming home woke me up out of my slumber on the couch.

"Britt…?" I hear your voice calling from the dining room. "Baby?" Your voice is that quiet cadence I love, hushed and soft.

I hear you start walking towards me on the couch but I don't move. I am a patient person, yes, but I am also grumpy with my foiled plan and my empty stomach. I hear you exhale softly as you find me and you walk over to where I'm lying.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Baby…."

"San…."

"I'm sorry I'm so late. We just got on a roll you know? And then we had an idea for another hook and it just turned into one of those creative spirals." Your hand softly brushes the hair off my forehead. Your face looks soft, sorry.

"It's ok. I understand I just wish you would have called."

"I honestly didn't think it would be this late, babe."

"Whatever."

You flinch a little bit at my annoyance, it doesn't happen very often and you still don't know what to do with it sometimes. "You didn't eat anything while you were waiting for me did you?"

"Nope. I wanted to be romantic."

"Fuck, I'm sorry, Britt-Britt."

"It's fine. I'll just go clean up."

"Do you want me to make you something? Or get you a plate?"

"No, Santana. I just want to clean up, ok."

"Ok."

I get up and blow out the now stubby candles and throw the bag of food into the fridge. I slam the door a little bit and I know you'll ask me about that when I get back to the living room. I can't help it; I'm just upset that I still haven't gotten to ask you to marry me yet. I'm not even mad at you, baby. I just want this ring, this gorgeous ring, on your finger.

You're sitting in the same spot when I come back out to the living room, munching a banana. You look at me with those sad puppy eyes and I feel my heart melt. I sit next to you and kiss the pout of your lips, needing to have them on mine.

Your kisses are my favorite thing in the whole entire world.

You stay quiet, probably afraid to say the wrong thing and make me even grumpier. But, baby, you know I never stay grumpy for long. I stay quiet too, though. Finishing my food, afraid that I'll blurt out the question I so want to ask you. This is not how I want to ask you, this isn't romantic, this isn't an event, this isn't special.

And you, you Santana are so, so special.

You grow bold and place your hand on my knee, grounding me. A silent apology that you still think I need, even after I kissed you. You're so silly, baby. I lean over and kiss you again, and again, and your lips are a soothing balm.

"So, is this one gonna be a big hit?"

"You know it."

"So cocky…"

"Just being honest."

We trade lazy kisses back and forth, soaking in each other after a long day of being apart. These moments, these moments are some of my favorite. I can feel your body relax into me, all the tension and stress of the day melts away as soon as my lips are on you. Feeling that, knowing that, makes my heart soar.

"I'm glad you're not a grumpus anymore, Britt."

"I'm never a grumpus, San."

You give me a look that makes me giggle, "Britt…"

"Ok, ok, sometimes I'm a grumpus. But I had a reason to be a grumpus tonight."

"I know, I'm sorry I was late." You sigh and I know you're still blaming yourself for my irritation.

"Baby, I'm not grumpy because you were late."

"Then why did I come home to annoyed Brittany instead of happy Brittany or naked Brittany?"

You're being silly now, trying to lighten my mood and I feel my heart skip a beat and I know, I know that this is the time.

"I have my reasons."

You giggle, you always giggle when I'm being coy, when I try to hide something from you. "Your reasons?" you cock your eyebrow and I know you'll be wondering all night.

"Yup."

You shove me playfully in the shoulder and scoff. "So secretive, Ms. Pierce."

I don't know how to respond, so I quietly sit while you pepper me with questions, I feel my heart speed up and my stomach swoop and my anxiety grow. You sense the anxiety part, and misunderstand its cause. "Baby, I'm sorry… I'm being an ass."

"You're not being an ass." It comes out a little choppy. It sounds snappy, I know you'll think I'm snapping.

"Ok…"

"Ugh, San. Stop." I reach out for you as you stand to leave the couch and probably head to bed. You turn around into my touch, your eyes dark with a mix of curiosity and sadness. And, baby, I hate that look.

"Listen, I'm not mad. I'm not annoyed, I'm not grumpy. I'm just in love."

Your face changes so fast into one of quizzical disbelief it makes me giggle.

"Yeah, Britt. I know you're in love-"

"Wait, no… let me finish, please."

You nod in assent but you don't move from where you're standing. "I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you pretty much since the second I saw you. Something just… clicked inside. And then when you agreed to go out with me and kiss me and hold my hand, all of these things just kept moving around in here, in my heart, for you. And I knew it was different, special."

I pause to take a deep breath, and I see your eyes shade over with something.

"I wanted to recreate our seventh date tonight. I went all the way to get your favorite Chinese, and I picked up those flowers for you. They weren't the ones I originally wanted to get but when I saw them they were just so you that I had to buy them. I'm sad I didn't get to see your face when you found them, because your face when I bring you flowers still makes my knees weak. Like you can't believe that I still want to bring you flowers, even though you're already mine. It's like, the cutest thing ever baby."

"Britt…."

"Santana, please…" I clear my throat. "I wanted to recreate our seventh date, Santana, because that was the day… that was the day I knew I wanted to marry you. I wanted to be yours forever and call you mine forever, and wear the white dresses and say the vows and eat the cake and go home and make lady babies…."

Your eyes glaze over with tears now and I hear you gasp. Your hand reaches out to find mine, gripping hard. You don't speak this time, though.

"So, I got grumpy tonight because my plan was thwarted. My plan was thwarted by your creative genius and your gorgeous, soulful, voice, and I couldn't be romantic and ask you to be mine. I couldn't look in your eyes and say the words I've been wanting to say for so long. Because I have… I have wanted to say them for so long. I bought the ring months ago and I've been trying to plan something… something that's worthy of you, something that could maybe try to show you the depth of my feelings for you, but I don't think that's possible anymore. But then I thought that our seventh date would be perfect, because that was the day that I knew I wanted to be your wife."

Your grip on my hand tightens and your tears are flowing down your face now. I reach into my pocket and pull out the ring. The ring I've checked on countless times since I bought it. The ring I've had dreams about putting on your finger. The ring I hope you'll love.

"Marry me, Santana Marisol Lopez. Marry me, love me, make me the happiest non-grump on the face of the planet."

You gasp out a sob, your face streaming with tears and your hand shaking in mine. You haven't even looked at the ring yet, you can't take your eyes away from my face, and I can see the disbelief in your eyes, wondering if this could possibly be real life.

But, baby, it will always be real life.

"Ask me again."

I smile, bigger than ever, "Santana Lopez you are the love of my life, I can't breathe without you here with me, I never want to be without you, you make me better. I never knew that love could ever feel like this, but this…right here, you and me, this is magic. This can't be recreated. This is the most special of things. Will you marry me?"

"Yes." Comes out hushed and quick, like you're afraid if you say it too loud you'll ruin the moment. But I wait, watching you, waiting for you to repeat it. Needing you to say it again, because, baby, even though I dreamed of that word for months, it was better than I ever imagined. You get my silent hint and I see you take in a deep breath. "Yes, Brittany, yes. A million times yes."

A/N: A little bit of a longer one this time. Thanks again for reading and reviewing! Is it Brittanuary yet?