Open Wounds

by 216BLT

AU: The past is the past. Puck, Santana, & Rachel Corcoran have moved on from theirs, but when their mother decides to take in a teen, old memories resurface. Also, new scars are made as they navigate through adolescence, ones that might not heal.

65. Chapter 65

Cookie07 – Thank you for the review - never worry about the length - it makes me happy whether it is long or detail I just love that people take the time to still review. You will start to see more of what happened to Santana and even more of Quinn's home life. The other thing is that Rachel doesn't really know what has actually happened to her but she will start to learn that too. One of the reasons that is hasnt been about San is that San has never allowed it. She has never wanted it to be about herself and they have always followed her lead. Again thanks for reviewing.

Guest – 4 times WOW – thank you so much. Quinn has changed a lot since stepping into Shelby's house. To now be raised by such a loving family – she will continue to grow. But she will also have her struggles. Your English was fine – no apology necessary. I must apologize to you and each and every reader for such a long wait between updates. It is never my intention and life just seemed to get in the way each time I and my beta sat down to write this story. I am so grateful for your continued support.

OTHangels- Thank you as always.

Look4me – Its ok – I understand totally about not being able to review. Thank you for this latest review. I am not familiar with those characters but I will google them. The happy moments will be coming but these kids have been through a lot and the trial is not over yet.

1moredreamer – no worries about the late review as you can plainly see I am horrified with the length of time it has taken me to get this chapter out. You are correct Noah is awesome for this family – he is doing so well but he totally underappreciates himself. Rachel will have a tough time with treatment but actually all 3 girls are suffering and all 3 need therapy so badly and will receive it in different ways. Quinn has only had Elyse and it has been for a relatively short period of time and Rachel has been handled with kid gloves really. Shelby wasn't really afraid to approach Rachel she is just struggling with the idea that she is the cause of some of her discomfort. I hope this makes sense and as always thank you so much for the review.

IMHO – Thank you so much for your review. I need to read some of the reviews sometimes when I am feeling a little writers block to remind me that people are still enjoying these characters. Sorry I made you a blubbering mess though. Three times I am impressed!

Rhegianne – Thank you so much for your kind words. I am not much of a fan of glee anymore myself but I will say that it has allowed me to meet some amazing people. I am so glad you are enjoying this story!

FlatWeasley – Rachel will slowly get better but she has had such a tough time – she needs to find her strength again and as you can see slowly but surely she will get there. Noah is a rock! Thank you for your review.

JWilson18 – Thank you so much – Noah is a rockstar in my book and he never gives himself credit for all of the small things that he does. Shelby knows Santana more than both of them realize but with Gretchen they will see that they really don't know what is best for each other. Quinn is going to struggle and the issue with food is not that she doesn't want to eat but more so that she is so used to not eating – she associates it with bad things and she will have to learn to get around that. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Asmodeus Poisonteeth – Thank you for your review. I apologize for making you wait this long. Your words about my writing mean so much to me. I am so happy that you enjoy the story so much!

Fangirl44 – Gretchen is a change that this family has needed for a while. But it will be tough because these girls are so traumatized. It will take a lot of love and hard work but it will be worth it. Thank you for your review.

Anon – Lots of tissues and therapy will be hard but there a few lighter moments coming – I promise. Thank you for your review.

Ryoko05 – I am so glad you liked the song. They do make a lot of promises and that is what each one of them needs. Thank you for reviewing.

blueashke – I am sorry I made you wait so long. I am happy that even though you cried you thought it was worthwhile. Thank you so much for your support and patience with this story. It means the world to me.

Lolathe17th – I am glad you enjoyed the chapter so much. Noah always goes to music its something he gets from him dad. I think that is really important. And the beads are important too. They are inching forward. But it would not be realistic if they jumped forward. Thank you for reviewing.

NinjaGleek21 – Thank you for the cookie! I am glad you enjoyed. Hope you enjoyed this one and I am sorry for the terrible delay.

TommyH – Wow I made you tear up at the end. Thank you for the review!

zuperkt – We are talking about family and they are stronger when they work together and depend on each other. They will learn to do that more and grow much stronger. Thank you for your review.

holdmetonight – Wow – really? Thank you so much! I am so honored to be at the top of your list – I am sorry for such a long wait with this chapter.

Guest – I hope you like this one. They are all going to therapy and will basically learn to depend more on each as well as learn they are strong enough to stand on their own. Thanks for the review.

Guest – Rachel will start to speak soon. She will not be mute forever. She will learn to adjust and cope a little better too. Thanks for the review.

thankthatstar – you will see more of the therapy sessions – but they are a little harder for me to write. I am so glad you like them. Thanks for reviewing.

HannahWilliam33 – I am glad you liked it. Sorry for the wait with this chapter. Thank you for the review.

ayomoses21 - Thank you so much for the review and your willingness to read this super long story from the beginning. It means so much! I hope you enjoyed the update.

…...

Santana chewed her lip as she folded her arms more tightly over her chest. She wasn't hiding that she was standing outside her sisters' room. She was in her space though as she watched Noah talk quietly to Rachel as if she were telling a secret. She wasn't jealous of Noah. She was grateful that Rachel responded. She was thankful that her sister was still in there, but the hurt radiated through her body with the knowledge that it wasn't her who brought Rachel back to surface. She didn't help at all with that.

"Santana?"

"What?" she snapped.

"Whoa, there," Joey said with her hands up.

"Sorry," Santana mumbled with a roll of her eyes.

"What's going on, kiddo?" Joey asked.

"Nothing. My life is perfect and dandy. Can't you tell?" She put on her tough mask. Her aunt arched her brow and looked at her demanding honesty. "I just want to go home."

Joey narrowed her eyes and studied her face, but she finally conceded "I know."

"I'm not crazy, Aunt Joey," Santana whispered.

"I didn't say you were," she replied kindly.

Santana paused for a moment. She had all these questions at the tip of her tongue. "If someone asked you if you would be able to survive if my mom went through what Rachel went through.. and then you lost her...or thought you would, you would have said the same thing... Right? You wouldn't have survived."

Joey looked at her for a moment. She had known why Santana was admitted to the hospital. It was something that Santana never talked about. She had once called it the darkness in her heart. Joey was starting to realize that she should have offered her more light a long time ago, because without it she was only reinforcing that shame within the young girl. "I don't know, San," she said honestly. "I don't know what I would have said, but I know that I can't know what I will do or say until I'm in that moment and I know all of those circumstances."

Santana looked at her indignantly. "I thought that you would understand."

"I do," she began, knowing that she had said the wrong thing.

"You don't," Santana snapped back as she brain became flooded with the sounds of her childhood. She continued more quietly, "You don't and you won't." She shook her head again. "I'm tired of being a broken emo record. I want to leave. I just want to go home and have things be how they used to be."

Santana turned her head into the room and Rachel was sitting alone in the bed as Quinn made her way back in from the bathroom with the help of the nurse and her mother. Santana gave her youngest sister a small smile and she felt an ache in her heart when Rachel returned with a tiny smile back.

"I have to find her monkey," she said out loud without breaking eye contact from Rachel. She knew that this task was the catalyst of her recovery .

"We'll figure something out," her aunt said softly, but Santana could not help but feel patronized. She couldn't tell the difference between her own interpretation and her aunt's honest words. She couldn't tell if she had something in mind besides actually finding the old toy.

"No, we will. we will find him," she said with more conviction. She unfolded her arms and her fingers grazed her hospital bracelet. "I don't need this anymore."

"People who went to medical school say otherwise." Joey said with an arch of her brow. The elevator opened at the end Bear stepped of the hallway and Joey's face lit up. Santana could tell her aunt was exhausted by it all. Her aunt needed her husband like her mother needed them. Her aunt wrapped her arms around her husband's neck once he got to her.

"Well, hello," her aunt said to her husband.

He smirked at his wife as he and Michael made their way down the hallway.

Santana watched them carefully. She knew that they were coming from the trial and she wasn't sure if she was ready to know what happened. She didn't know if she could handle it. She just couldn't. She barely even noticed her grandfather until he was reaching out to hug her.

"Hi, honey," Michael said as he kissed Santana's temple.

She gave a silent nod into his arms.

"How's it going?" Michael asked as rubbed Santana's back softly.

She gave a silent shrug. "Fine..." She avoided eye contact and continued to mumble, "I have to go …"

She started toward the room. Her breath was quickening. If she just held Rachel, she would be okay. She tried to block out the soft whispers of her aunt, uncle and grandfather. She didn't want to hear that. She couldn't. If she just reminded herself of where she was and …. She shook her head. She would be fine. She started into the room with slow, cautious steps.

"Santana, are you ready to meet?"

Santana stopped with a glare. "What?" she turned and looked at Gretchen. "It's not my turn. We just met."

Gretchen looked at her schedule. "It looks like it is to me."

"I just saw you a few hours ago," she said with a frown. "You have other patients. Clearly, you should talk to my brother again. He just broke into song."

"I know but you saw me for individual. Now it's time for IHT," she said casually. "It's been a bit too. I had lunch. Saw your brother and talked to a colleague …. it's been long enough. Your mom told you about this. Come on. It's just the first session with your mom. It's a way to help strengthen your relationship."

"I don't want to do that," she whispered. "Plus you can't double fist with therapy...in one day..."

"Well, we are," Gretchen said gently.

"Ready?" Shelby asked with a gentle smile.

"No," Santana said as she frowned but followed slowly after her mother.

"I don't need IHT," she mumbled as she collapsed into a chair. "I had it once and I don't need it.."

"Do you even know what it is?" Shelby asked gently as they sat down in an empty conference room.

"No," she said after a few seconds of silence.

"It's a type of therapy that focuses on the relationship between your caretaker and you. In this case, your mom," Gretchen explained. "It's more focused than family therapy since your family therapy would include your siblings as well as your mother. There are different forms and it's not always the same structure, but that's the basics of it."

"There's nothing wrong with me and my mom," Santana said quickly.

"I didn't say there was," Gretchen said. "I simply think that you both can benefit from this."

"I'm not angry at her," Santana said as she rolled her eyes.

"I didn't say that you are," Gretchen said in the same calming tone. "I think that you keep a lot bottled up inside of you, Santana, and it explodes and you don't know how to calm yourself down. Because your mother is your caretaker, she's the one that will help you calm and -"

"I … I... we don't need you," Santana said. "Right, Mom?"

Shelby looked at her daughter carefully. "Santana, I'm going to do sessions with the other girls and Noah too. I think we all have things we can improve on."

"Shelby, I think that what you said is very true, but I think that it would be helpful to really be clear as to why you both are here. You need to be honest here."

"You're lying?" Santana asked her mother looking back at her with hurt.

"I'm just not being completely honest," Shelby said feeling her eyes sting already. "I'm scared for you, Santana. I don't think you see how deeply you despise yourself. I'm scared that you're going to hurt yourself-"

"You mean hurt Rachel or Quinn," she replied with a deeply rooted loathing at herself more than the concept.

"That's not what I said," Shelby said. "Santana, listen to me. I'm scared for you. I'm scared that you will hurt yourself. I'm scared that you already have."

Santana frowned. "I haven't... I … I didn't. I haven't." she frowned and looked at her mother. "Is that why we're talking again?" She shook her head. "I'm fine. I feel better now. I lost it for a second, but I'm fine. I don't want to be in here. Rachel and Quinn need us. They need you."

"Do you also think that they need you too, Santana?" Gretchen asked.

The girl seemed to fold into herself, but didn't answer.

Gretchen continued. "Santana, I believe that you have so many emotions running through you and it can very hard for anyone to manage."

"Don't talk to me like you know me," Santana snapped.

"You're right," Gretchen said cutting Shelby off before the shocked woman could get a word out. "I don't know you, but this is what I think and I need you to really think about what I'm saying and if it's true for you in any way, shape or form. When you panic, Santana, I think you have at least two different states."

"Yeah? That's what you think?" she asked folding her arms, defensively.

"I do. I think right now, from what I'm being told, you either reach a boiling point so quickly that you have to shut it up the best you can and you do that by breaking things in a blind rage. You can't hear anything but the thoughts in your head and pieces of different memories. Am I right?"

The girl stared at her for a few moments before responding. "Aren't you a little too aggressive for a therapist? Aren't you not supposed to do that?" Santana asked.

"I also think that you have a slow build that in some way sneaks up on you and in other ways walks beside you and that's when you make quiet, self-destructive choices."

"Like?" Santana confronted.

"The boys that you've slept with."

Santana could have heard a pin drop. She stared at her for a moment before she looked over at her mother with narrowed eyes. "I can't believe you."

"I told her, San, because I'm worried. We need to talk about this."

"I've told you that talking about this won't make it go away," she said with a deep frown. "And I don't do that anymore!"

"It won't, Santana, but we can work to give you better problem solving methods. Do you understand that was a wrong choice? Why it was dangerous? We can talk about better ways to cope with that."

"I don't need that," she said through gritted teeth. "I want to go."

"We're not finished here yet," Gretchen said. "Santana, what do you think about that behavior?"

"It's bad. Blah blah blah."

"Santana, it's fine to be upset and angry, but it's not acceptable to be rude," Shelby frowned and paused again. She took a deep breath before carefully moving forward. "You told me about what happened between you and Brittany." Her words were so cautious.

A look of shock set on her face. She knew in her heart that her mother wasn't using this against her, but she couldn't help but feel raw and exposed. She couldn't help but feel betrayed. "Well, I don't want to talk about my sex life," Santana said with a bite.

"Then we won't," Gretchen stated. "Santana, can you talk to me about your relationship with your mom?"

"Um... no... I think we're okay. I love her and she loves me and I'm okay."

"Do you feel safe with her?"

"Why are you asking me this?" Santana asked narrowing her eyes.

"I'm asking you because I need to get a better picture of the two of you together."

"Well, you seem to have a better picture of everything else." She shook her head. "There's nothing wrong with my mom. I love her."

"Do you trust her?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"One I am interested in hearing what you have to say," Gretchen replied.

"Yes." She rolled her eyes. "Of course I trust her." She glared at her. "I know what you're getting at. Clearly, you didn't look at the notes close enough. I have already worked on rebuilding my trust with my mom. I have abandonment issues but not as badly as I used to. Shouldn't you know this already?"

"When you go off to college, do you trust her to take care of Rachel." Gretchen's voice didn't waiver.

Santana paused. "... You don't know what you're talking about."

"Santana, do you trust her with Rachel?"

"She's our mom," Santana said.

"That didn't answer my question," Gretchen asked.

Santana glanced over at her mother. "I... It's not that I don't trust her..."

"It's not?"

"No... bad stuff just happens..." Santana felt her energy that she had so easily invested in her anger begin to seep out of her. She was replaced with that feeling in her stomach. That feeling she got that brought her away from where she was.

"It does," Gretchen agreed.

"Well... I think it would be better if I'm here... and ….. " She shook her head. "I just... My brother was sent away... I can't be okay... so... if you could fix me... If you could make me better, I would really appreciate it."

"Santana," Shelby said softly. "I don't want to send you away. I don't want to send you away and Noah left for a bit but I talked to him everyday. I went to see him every week and -"

"I don't remember that," Santana said.

"You were about ten...You had a lot of sleepovers at Aunt Joey's," Shelby said with a gently grin.

Santana frowned. "You always came home though."

"I did," Shelby said.

"I … I waited for you..." She remembered out loud. "You slept with me and Rachel …. when we were at Aunt Joey's..."

"I did," Shelby nodded again. She frowned for a few moments. "Did you remember how long Noah was away, Santana?"

She shrugged. "I … I don't know...a few months?"

"45-days," Shelby said simply, eying Gretchen.

Gretchen gave a knowing look. "Oh," she said quietly. She looked toward the paperwork on the desk. "I didn't realize."

"Yeah," Shelby said.

"What does that mean?" Santana asked as she looked between them.

"It's special placement, Santana," Shelby said. "You and I talked about this awhile ago. I don't think that you're going to do it."

"Why?" she asked quietly.

"Because it typically requires a change of custody."

"You... you gave Noah up?" Santana asked.

"No," Shelby said quietly. "I was and am still his mother."

She looked at Gretchen.

"It would make more sense if you tell her," Gretchen encouraged Shelby.

"Santana, it wasn't just me that made the choice to have Noah go away and get some treatment. The school got involved. This is a special program that works to make sure that he gets aggressive treatment. He had individual therapy. He did family therapy with me. He had a lot of assessments done."

"What kind?" Santana asked quietly.

"Psychological and a biopsychosocial and … some other ones."

"What are those for?" Santana asked Gretchen directly.

"They were to help evaluate him. To see if there were any specific services that he needed for school, for academics or social-emotional support. We also did some anger stuff with him. We were really lucky that the program that he went to he was able to work with some good coaches that integrated more discipline into his routine and after that he was involved in a lot of activities and sports to really help give him that support."

"He's not perfect though. He still beats people up," Santana practically exploded with a tattle.

"It's not a win all," Gretchen said. "It's almost like a therapeutic respite but ... But it can be complicated," Gretchen said. "Does that make sense? Do you remember him coming back differently?"

"I remember what happened. I always remember," she snapped.

"Santana, I didn't abandon Noah. I won't abandon you." Shelby reached out and took Santana's hand.

"I didn't say that you did," she bit again. She felt a feeling her stomach. She met Gretchen's gaze and didn't break eye contact. "... I don't understand how he was okay. I don't understand how … I want that too... " She didn't finish her sentence.

"I'm not sending you away, Santana," she carefully. "But we are going to do something similar. You'll be staying at the house, but you're going to go to a day program."

Santana's face didn't change. Silence fell on them and Shelby turned to Gretchen with concern.

Gretchen looked at Santana. "Santana, what are you thinking?"

"... I … I don't know," she replied after several moments of silence.

"I think you do," Gretchen pushed.

Santana chewed her lip for a moment and stared at the floor. Finally, she took a breath and spoke. "Noah threw a boy through a window... and he left and came back and he didn't... He came back better..." She looked up tearfully. "You've always just accepted that I was... that I ….. Wasn't I wrong too?"

"Wrong doing what?" Gretchen asked without hesitation with a soft, casual tone.

"I was mad... am … am mad... and I didn't get sent away." She was clenching her fist with one hand and the other was moving its fingers along the hospital bracelet on that wrist.

"Did you want to be?" Gretchen asked.

At the same time, Shelby said, "I said that you won't be."

Gretchen reached her hand out toward Shelby. "Let her speak."

"I want to be better," she replied barely above a whisper.

"Better?"

Santana nodded, but remained silent.

"Santana," Gretchen began carefully as Shelby continued to watch her daughter with a high level of confusion and heartbreak. "You are a passionate person with a lengthy trauma history. Adjusting and coping with your feelings is something that you will always have to deal with. Your brother was sent away because at that time that's what they thought was best for him. You are a different person. I think that your emotions are valid. You have a lot that you have worked on with Elyse and Julia and other clinicians in New York and I think that you were given some good coping skills, but you and I can work more on those things. You have a lot of insight. Like your mother said, the school got involved with your brother which means that there may have been some involvement with court that was unavoidable. Your mother had a tough choice to make, but she certainly didn't give up. You and your brother are different people and I think that we can all work together on things you're facing. No more tape and glue, okay?"

"... You can fix me?" she asked after a long pause.

"I really don't think that you're broken, Taz," Shelby whispered. "I truly don't."

Santana nodded and chewed her lip once again. Her body language with her trail of thought.

Gretchen tilted her head and leaned forward as she noticed the girl stiffen. "Santana, can you tell me about your nick name?"

The girl scoffed. "Tasmanian Devil... meaning that I destroy everything in my path...My dad gave it to me."

Gretchen nodded. "Do you like it?"

Shelby looked at her daughter with a sympathetic smile. Leroy had called her that and - She paused. She felt like an idiot. "Santana, you do not destroy everything."

"I do," she whispered. "He knew it. You know it..."

Shelby took a deep breath. "Santana, that's not..." She gave a tiny smile. "Do you know what your father called me?"

Santana rolled her eyes, not caring. "I don't know."

"Elmer Fudd,"she said with a grimace. "Do you think I go around shooting people?"

Santana gave a tiny smile. "There's a reason though." She looked at her mother. "There is a reason that you're called that and there's a reason why I'm called that... and … yeah..."

"Santana," Shelby said softly. "I'm so sorry."

"Please don't be sorry," she muttered. "It's what I have of him."

"It's not," she said with passion. as she put her hand on her daughter's shoulder.

"It is," Santana said as she pulled away and stood up. "Don't... okay? Just don't. Don't try to make me feel better. It won't work." She began to pace. She was demonstrating just how fast she could go from calm to out of control.

"Santana, stop. We can stop for some time. We can take a break."

"I am done for today! I am. Don't talk to me anymore." She backed herself away from them as she spoke.

"Santana,"Gretchen said. "Listen to my voice. Listen to me."

Shelby watched her daughter seem to deteriorate in front of her. Every moment that Santana was like this Shebly felt like she couldn't move. She wasn't sure how to help her. She wasn't sure. She hadn't been able to do right by her. She has seen other kids like this, but those other children hadn't been her children. Where had she missed it? Santana had fallen through the cracks and the person who was breaking in front of her was the result of Shelby negligence what had happened. What she hated most of all was that it didn't come out of left field. People had given her signs; people had helped her. Shelby just hadn't let herself see it.

Shelby watched Santana sit quietly outside the office.

"I want you to understand that gravity of what I'm saying," the woman said to her.

Shelby looked over at the woman with a glare. "Don't speak to me like I'm an idiot especially when it's about my kid."

"Shelby , I feel as if you're upset, but I don't mean to upset you," the woman said.

"You're telling me that you think that she's too angry," Shelby said. "Wouldn't you feel angry if you had been through what she's been through.

"She just needs to-"

"Needs to what?" Shelby snapped. "You don't know my kid. She just needs a change. She needs to have a chance to feel what she feels."

Shelby stood and shook her head.

"I didn't say that she didn't," the woman replied. "This is hard and -"

"Don't," Shelby said. "Please, just don't. I am in this field too. I get it."

"I agree with you, Shelby. Sometimes medication is overused and used inappropriately.-"

"She doesn't need it. Her functioning is too high. I believe, yes , she has a diagnosis but but it doesn't mean that she needs anything. She just needs …. She doesn't need that."

"It's something we can talk about," the woman began again.

"We're not going to talk about it anymore."

"Shelby, I really think that this is the best choice for Santana," she said. "It's something to consider."

"You did. You considered it but you just are here to tell me what you think. This isn't a discussion for you," Shelby said. She straightened and shook her head. "We're going back to Lima to be with my family."

"Shelby, I think that's a good idea, but I also think you really need to continue with Santana's treatment. -"

"I know what's best for my kid. She's eight years old for Christ's sake. She has been through so much and I don't like hearing you speak about her like that. She's not the person you think that she is.".

"Shelby talk to her," Gretchen encouraged.

Shelby looked at her daughter as Santana paced more quickly. She didn't know what to say. She took a deep breath again as she felt another voice fill her head.

Shelby's heels clicked against the floor as she walked into the Brownstone.

"I don't care what they say," Leroy told her as he followed in behind her.

"Leroy, let her go to her room please, and then we will talk," Shelby said as she helped a three year old Santana out of her jacket.

"No," Leroy said as he scooped Santana up. He gave her an eskimo kiss and his daughter laughed with glee. "Santana, there is nothing wrong with you. Okay? It's not okay to push, but you are certainly not an abomination. Okay? What do I always tell you?"

"Santana Corcoran is incredible, brave and bold."

"That's right," Leroy said. He kissed Santana on the cheek. "We can always be better, San, but that doesn't mean that you weren't extraordinary to begin with. You hear me?"

"Yes, Daddy," Santana smiled.

"What are you, San?" he said with a smirk.

"I'm extraordinary and I will be even better!" she laughed.

Shelby smiled and kissed her on the top of her head. "Go find your brother, sweetheart." She scampered off and Shelby looked at her husband with an arch of her brow. "Our children certainly won't suffer from low self esteem, Leroy," she chuckled.

Shelby watched Santana pace again. She walked up to her and gently took her hand, causing her to stop. "San?"

"What?" she replied avoiding her eyes. "You can do this. Look at me." Santana looked up at her after a few beats.

"You don't know that."

"I do," she replied. "I will be with you the whole time."

"What if I mess it up? What if it's ruined?"

"Then we will try again, San," Shelby said again. "You're not broken." She chewed her lip. "Do you know what you are?"

She saw her daughter's eyes fill with tears. "Don't listen to those thoughts in your head, Santana. Do you hear me?" she said as she leaned her forehead against her daughter's. "You are extraordinary, Santana. You always have been."

Santana froze for a moment. She leaned into her mother's embrace before finally saying, "But I can be better."

"We all can, San, but that doesn't mean that you still aren't incredible to begin with."

Santana leaned against her mother, but remained silent because she didn't have anything left to say.

...…

Quinn looked over at Rachel with tender gaze. It was just the two of them. Noah had gone to the cafeteria with Michael and the adults were chatting in the hallway while Shelby was still Santana for another session with Gretchen. Quinn watched the girl was playing silently with stuffed animal that Joey had given her while insisting it wasn't a replacement for George. Quinn reconsidered as she watched Rachel. The girl wasn't playing with the stuffed animal as much as she was staring at it with consideration; she was evaluating if it was worth her time.

"Rach?"

Rachel looked up and looked over at Quinn.

Quinn studied her quickly before she turned away again. "You have to snap out of this, Rachel."

Rachel looked at her for a moment and then she looked away. She frowned down at the stuffed animal and turned toward the door.

"They're coming back in a few," Quinn told her.

Rachel looked over at her and palmed her new stuff animal's arm in her hand. Quinn spotted the beads on her wrist.

"What are those?" Quinn asked, expecting the worst like a creepy stranger gave them to her when no one was looking.

She looked at the beads, but didn't respond.

"We're going to go home soon, Rach," she said.

Rachel looked over at her. She was smiling so subtly for a moment but then it slowly began to fade. Quinn didn't need the words to know what she was thinking. It had slowly been flooding back to Quinn. They all knew why and how they had gotten to the hospital. It was the giant elephant in the room that no one wanted to talk about, but Quinn knew in her heart that she wasn't ready to talk about it.

"Hey, Rach," she called out. "Look at me."

She didn't.

"Rach," she called out again.

Rachel shifted enough that Quinn knew that she was listening.

"Rachel, I'm scared too okay. That's partially why I got so sick. Okay? I get it and I promise that I won't let anything happen to you."

Rachel met her gaze, but her eyes weren't grateful as much as they reciprocated the same promise. Rachel slipped out of her bed.

"What are you doing?" Quinn asked.

She wasn't surprised when there was no answer but Rachel pulled off her heart monitor and tugged at her iv so that she could crawl into Quinn's bed.

"Rach," she began. She pointed to the iv. "You're going to pull that thing out," she said it seriously but didn't otherwise fight Rachel as the girl moved toward her. Quinn felt a pain in her heart as she attempted to reach out to Rachel because she could tell the girl wasn't as steady on her feet as she should be.

"What's going on here?" a nurse asked as she entered into the room. She gave a heavy sigh. "Rachel, if you wanted to go lay with Quinn, you need to ask. I could have helped you instead of you giving me a heart attack."

Rachel just looked at the nurse and then back at Quinn.

"Is everything okay?" Bear asked as he walked in with Helen.

"She just wanted to come and sit with me," Quinn replied.

Quinn eyed them carefully. The adults had been talking in the hallway since Santana and Shelby had left. They had been talking about the trial but had pretended that there were discussing something else. Quinn hated that; she hated that more than she could say.

Joey entered the room with a bag. "Everything okay?" she asked as she sat at the end of the bed where the girl were sitting.

"Yes," the nurse smiled as she retaped Rachel's IV. She gave the girls a small smile and left the room.

Joey looked at them with a sneaky smile.

"What's wrong with your face?" Quinn asked.

"I have a surprise," she smiled.

"You didn't get a tattoo too did you?" Quinn asked as she leaned her head on the top of Rachel's.

"No," she whispered with a mischievous smile.

Quinn felt her stomach churn as she watched a glimmer in Rachel's eyes light up as Joey reached into the bag and her own small hand lose grip on the other stuffed animal they had given her earlier. She felt Rachel deflate when she saw what Joey pulled out her tiny dog, Charlie from the bag. It didn't take rocket science to know that Rachel had thought it was George.

Rachel gave a tiny smile when Charlie crawled into her lap and licked her face.

"I'll find him for you," Quinn whispered in her ear as she kissed the top of her head. Rachel looked up at her curiously and the blonde stared back at her as if to say, "You know who I'm talking about."

"There, puppies always make people feel better," Joey said with satisfaction, interrupting Quinn's thoughts.

"Joanna!" Shelby scolded her from behind her. "Are you serious?"

Quinn blocked them out as her mother began to lecture her aunt about bringing the puppy into the hospital. Nevertheless, the dog stayed in Rachel's lap. Quinn stared idly at the machines. The heart monitor and the numbers changed. Up and down. Up and down.

"Quinn?"

"Quinn?"

She looked over at her mother. "What?" she asked with a tired exhale.

"Did you hear what I asked?"

"Clearly not," Santana scoffed from Rachel's bed.

Quinn glanced over at Rachel. Rachel was still silent but at least she was following conversations with her eyes as she and Santana played with Charlie from Rachel's bed. Apparently, Rachel had moved back over there. She saw that a new IV was now hooked up. She must have been daydreaming for a long time. She took note to not do that as often or as long. She didn't want people to think she was crazier. They already looked at her like she was a nut ready to crack.

"You're going to meet with Gretchen," Shelby said again.

"I really don't need to," she said as she crossed her arms. "I … I am fine... I guess that others might not be but... I'm fine," she said.

Noah scoffed from behind his magazine. He had returned from the cafeteria and was now more alert much to Quinn's chagrin. Quinn frowned at him. She had missed him coming in too. Where was she? Why was she feeling like this? She frowned and stared at Noah trying to regain her composure.

"Bite me," Quinn hissed.

A nurse was poking at her vitals. Quinn sighed heavily and waved her hand at her. "Why are you in here again? Do you really need to do this?"

"Quinn, stop it. Don't be rude," Shelby stated.

"I'm not. I'm asking a question," Quinn said. She looked at Gretchen at the doorway. "She's already in here. Why do I have to meet with her?"

"Would you like to do it here in front of everyone?" Shelby asked.

"While you may not mean to be rude," Gretchen interjected. "For someone who doesn't know you, it seems rude."

Shelby exchanged a silent look with Gretchen and then a second at Quinn.

"What?" Quinn asked with hesitation, trying her best to keep her armor up.

Shelby stood up and approached the bed. "Rachel let's get you out and about today."

Quinn frowned as she watched Shelby and Gretchen exchange another silent look.

"What's going on?" she asked with a deep frown. She looked at Gretchen. "I may be sick and I may be rude... but... I am not stupid."

"No one said you were," Shelby said as she and Santana helped Rachel gently into the wheelchair. Shelby hooked the new IV bag on the the hook on the top of the wheelchair as she silently told the kids to be cautious of it. The youngest girl was just watching them in silence as they moved around her. "Santana and Noah, please stay inside the building and be back in a half hour. Joey will go with you."

"Why?" Santana asked. "Because you want alone time with Quinn? She's going to tell me anyway."

Shelby arched her brow with her mom stare. Santana sighed.

Rachel looked at Quinn with a confused frown. The blonde rolled her eyes casually and smiled. Shelby reached for the small dog and put it in Rachel's lap.

"Do not let that dog loose in this hospital," she said to the kids.

Santana nodded and she and Noah walked quietly out of the room as Rachel peaked over her shoulder back at Quinn. Quinn watched them leave the room. "What's going on?"

"Firstly, your attitude needs to stop. I know that you know how to be polite," Shelby said as she sat at the edge of Quinn's bed.

The girl's cheeks pinked and she glanced up for a moment at Gretchen and then looked away. "Why does she have to be here?" she whispered.

Shelby looked at Gretchen and gave a nod. "She doesn't, but she might be observing more in the future. Gretchen, could you excuse us, please?"

"Sure thing," she said.

Quinn chewed her lip as she watched the woman begin to leave. "I'm sorry for being rude," she called out.

Gretchen turned and looked at her. "Thank you for the apology."

Quinn rolled her eyes slightly and shrugged. Gretchen took her leave and Quinn turned her attention back to her mother. She let the wall come down a bit.

"I want to go home," she said weakly. Finally looking at her mother and letting the reality sink in brought tears to her eyes. "Please."

"We will go home, Q-Bear. Probably sooner rather than later. You are better than before but you're certainly not well. We might be able to go home today. When we get home, you need to rest. Your spleen fights infections and now that you don't have one, it's more difficult for you." Shelby leaned in and the girl leaned into her arms. She rocked her gently. "I know that so much has happened and you feel like you're fine. You are doing well but processing needs to start. You need to let yourself heal..."

"I don't need to do that. I may have said that I did when I was sick... but it was the peer pressure. I was peer pressured into therapy. I don't need to process..." she said quietly. She thought for a moment. "I've already processed... What is there to say?... Things sucked... then things really sucked... then... they got better."

Shelby looked at her mother with a sigh. "Can I tell you something?"

"I don't think I have a choice,"she muttered.

"So happy to have your spunk back," Shelby smirked. "Well," she began. "For a long long time, I thought that healing was an organic process."

"... Okay..." she mumbled. She looked up at her. "I don't want a story that ends with the moral.'Yes, Quinn, talking about your feelings eases your pain or crap.'"

"That's incredibly eloquent," Shelby scoffed. "My story wasn't exactly like that."

"Well, the moral of my story is... why process? It won't change anything," she looked at her hands. "I love them... You know I do... but... I'm …. I'm okay. I'm not... breaking things or … anything...I'm talking... yes, I don't talk about ….. Judy...or... Russell...but I'm holding it together. Isn't that enough?"

"Quinn, going to talk with someone, to process and do some therapeutic work doesn't mean that you're broken.-"

"Well, what does it mean then?"

"It means you need someone to talk to," Shelby began.

"Well, I lived sixteen years basically just talking to myself... and occasionally Brittany... and my books... and... periodically a really bad ABC Family drama...Why start when you're behind?"

Shelby smirked again. Quinn's wit never ceased to entertain her. She nodded. "I can see why it would be easy to see it that way."

"Then how do you see it?" she asked with a little bite.

"I used to think the same way that processing and growing is personal and isn't forced but... I found that it helped me alot... When you're only talking to yourself you only have one perspective... With another person you can really figure things out... yes, you're a different person than the others and you're very independent," Shelby said. "But Quinn so much has happened that you really need to ask yourself if you're processing or if you're silencing it."

"I don't want to go," she said plainly.

"I hear you, Quinn," Shelby said. "But you don't really have a choice. You need to go to this. Therapy doesn't mean you spill your guts the first day."

"I would hope not," she said with a frown.

"It means all sorts of things. It means building trust with other people..."

"I don't want to do it," she said again.

"Why?" Shelby asked simply.

Quinn thought for a moment. "I personally don't think talking about it will make it go away... It'll just …. stir it up...and makes it hurt more."

"You're going to try it, Quinn... and another thing you're going to do is be involved in a group," Shelby said.

Quinn scoffed. "What? They have groups for kids who were knocked up by their fathers." The words had just tumbled out of her mouth and before she knew it. They were punching her deep in the gut. She tried to fold into herself but felt her mother's arms around her, rocking her gently. "I … don't want to talk about that," she said distantly.

"It's not a group like that, Quinn," Shelby clarified.

Quinn chewed her lip for a moment, unsure how to form her words. "I... I talked about that stuff …. with Rachel," she whispered. "... a while ago when she couldn't sleep and... I couldn't sleep."

Shelby frowned for a moment and looked at her. "What stuff?"

Quinn suddenly found her fingernails fascinating and began tracing her cuticles. "...She asked me things …. about... what I remembered... and if I ever doubted that someone would love me..." She trailed off for a moment. "She asked me all those questions that I never let my mind even finish asking... you know? I don't want to talk about that... That's when I realized I couldn't talk about it. I can't."

"Quinn, why didn't you -"

"What didn't I tell you?" she asked with an ironic laugh. She shook her head. "Rachel needs not to feel alone. She's scared... and I can't tell her that I feel like no one will ever... but if I think that... if I admit that she'll think I believe that's true for her... that she'll-" She stopped herself and looked at her mother. "What was I supposed to say? It hurts not to think about it. I feel safe now. I can't think about my future. I can't think about putting myself back together... I just... I can't because I know I can't. It's too late for me."

"It's not," Shelby said.

"You don't know that," she said. "I knew from a young age who I needed to be in order to make someone love me and I'm not it."

"Do you question my love? Rachel's? San's or Noah's?"

"Everyday," she said honestly. "But not as much as I used to... I think... no, I know, that you are all just rare freaks of nature... in a good way." Quinn smiled.

Shelby sighed. "Well, I love you so much, Quinn," she said holding her tightly. "I never doubted that."

"That's good," she whispered. "I didn't know what the right thing to say to Rachel was...but I... I don't know what to say to her."

Shelby looked at her. "It's not your job to know what to say to her."

"It is when she asks me," she replied. "What do I say?"

Shelby frowned for a moment. "You tell her that sometimes it's hard to predict the good that will come your way, but you know that it will."

Quinn rolled her eyes and looked at her mother. "I'll just send her to talk to you and tell her life is like a box of chocolates."

"Good plan," Shelby said as she kissed the top of her head.

Quinn fell silent again for a moment. She chewed her lip with nervous anticipation. "I don't want to talk about the hard stuff with anyone else... anyone else but you."

Shelby felt herself smile slightly. She pulled Quinn closer. "It's incredibly hard, Quinn, but I promise that there are people worth trusting out there."

"Will they ask me about …. about …. Judy... or... Russell?"

"Maybe," Shelby said. "Therapy may be more aggressive with Gretchen than Elyse."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because we needed to make some changes," Shelby said.

"I don't want to talk about those things... I don't want to talk about my life..." she said barely above a whisper. "I don't want to talk about .. about my baby..." She looked up at her mother. "It won't make it better. It'll just make it more … It'll... It'll hurt too much. I promise I will do well in school. I promise that I will stay clean and perfect and -"

"Quinn, I don't want you to be perfect," Shelby said gently rubbing her back. "It's taking be a long time to realize that you all have been holding it together. I don't want you to do that."

"But I don't want to fall apart. Santana explodes but I don't."

"But you stared off into space today for almost thirty minutes, Quinn. You check out a lot."

"I don't... I didn't realize that..."

"Did you used to do that a lot?"

Quinn shrugged. "Probably." She looked down at her hands. "I only spent an hour... maybe two with my parents at the most during the day..." Quinn trailed off. "And most of it was at night," she whispered.

Shelby gave a sigh and hugged her closer. "Quinn, those wounds don't heal on their own. They can scar deeply if you don't take the time to take care of them."

"Like how?" Quinn asked.

"In how you live your everyday, in how you communicate with others... how you relate with others..." Shelby said kindly.

Quinn shook her head. "I'll figure that out when I get there. I will."

"Mostly you will, but working with Gretchen and going to group you'll be able to do a lot of problem solving with others."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "What if I say no?"

"Quinn, Gretchen and I already started talking about some different things for you. She pointed out to me that You have lived a majority of your life alone. I can't expect you to acclimate to the craziness of the household overnight and in so many ways you have, but if you want to have some alone time and walks I think you should be able to. I just want to trust that you use that time well." Quinn looked up at her in surprise. "This woman is an advocate for you. She can't become a better one unless you talk to her."

Quinn leaned into Shelby.

"I'll do it for you."

"Please do it for you," Shelby said as she kissed the top of her head.

"Santana is a mess," Quinn said lightly trying to change the subject.

"She's not," Shelby said. "And neither are you."

"Don't lie," she said, her attempts to make light of things expelled from her body.

"I meant what I said, Quinn," Shelby replied. "I always do. I will respect and give you more space, but you also need to know that I trust you to make good choices during that time."

"I will," she said looking up at her. "I don't go breaking televisions," she said trying to make things seem less serious.

Shelby looked at her straightforward. "This isn't about, Santana. This conversation is about you. I don't trust you because you have a tendency of hurting yourself."

"I don't," Quinn said quickly.

"You cut your cast off in the garage," Shelby said.

"Well, that was a smaller deal in reality. It's not that serious..."

"You took out your IV while at the hospital. You went to Rachel's school for that dodgeball thing... you confronted …... Will alone …."

Quinn shook her head rapidly. "Those... those things are out of context."

A nurse walked in with a smile. "Alright, Quinn, one more x-ray."

"Famous last words," she mumbled.

"Quinn," Shelby scolded.

"We just need to make sure your new iv line is in place, Quinn, and then you'll be able to go home," the nurse explained.

"Really?" she asked.

"We'll have you back in no time and you'll get to go home," she smiled as Shelby and the nurse helped Quinn into the wheelchair.

"Don't jinx us," Quinn said.

Shelby gave a smirk but then reconsidered. "I should go with you," Shelby said quickly.

"Mom," Quinn said with a roll of her eyes. "I can do this by myself... I'm not an invalid." Quinn looked at her mother. "Seriously."

"Please behave, Quinn," Shelby said.

"I will," she replied. "But if anything happens to me. Blame it on the woman who jinxed it."

"We'll be back," the nurse told Shelby kindly.

….

Noah wheeled himself next to Rachel. He smirked at her and gave her a wink. He and Santana were sure that they could make Rachel talk. She was in there and she was responding with her eyes, but they just needed to get her to talk. She was faking it like she did before and she would talk to Santana and Noah when she was little. They just had to get her to talk. Noah looked kindly at Rachel. He was going to remind her that things were going to be okay.

He paused and looked up at Santana and gave her a wink as he continued to wheel himself in the wheelchair next to Rachel. He knew more than ever that he needed to do it for Santana. Santana looked at her brother and he gave her a smirk. He had to. She gave him a nervous smile and his eyes caught hers as they looked guiltily down Rachel. She smiled at

"Stop looking at me like that," he whispered to Santana. "Chin up. It's going to work."

They all needed some hope. And at this point they were relying getting her talking. Santana had ranted about how she knew that if they got Rachel alone that she would talk. Santana reminded Noah that she used to whisper things to him and Santana long before she started talking to Shelby.

Santana looked over at her brother casually as they made their way down the hallway. Joey was on her phone chatting with someone on the phone.

"Wanna race, Rach?" Noah asked.

Rachel looked at him with an arch of her brow and she hugged the dog closer.

"No," Joey said from behind them. Noah deflated. "I'm serious, Noah, get out of the wheelchair. There are people who actually need it."

Noah stood with a sigh and pushed the wheelchair at an older woman who was moving with a man in scrubs supporting her weight.

"Here she needs this more than me," Noah said with a roll of his head.

"Noah," Joey hissed.

"What?" Noah asked as they continued to walk past them.

Joey shook her head and they continued down the hallway. "Just please be more cautious. That woman may have been doing physical therapy."

He frowned. "Oh." He looked over at Santana as if to ask her, but his sister just rolled her eyes. He could never read that look. She looked around and put his hands in his pockets to keep him from shifting his weight so much. He looked down the hallway. He could remember how to get back. There were a lot of signs but they seemed to make him feel more stupid than assisted.

"What about outside? Can we go outside and walk?" Noah asked. He wasn't sure if this hospital smelled bad but it smelt like a hospital and that was enough.

"Noah, it's too cold out," Joey said gently.

"Right," he nodded.

He glanced over again at Santana. He was shifting again and again. This wasn't going as planned. Things had been perfect and uncomplicated after he had sang that song. He had felt a surge of accomplishment and even more he had felt like things were getting better. however, reality sunk back in. Why couldn't life be a constant bliss? He wished he could focus on one task. He realized that getting Rachel to talk was so interrelated in other accomplishments. It was easy when they were younger. He made a goofy smile remembering when his sole issue was learning how to hold Rachel as an infant and independently reminding himself to hold her head and neck without being reminded. He just wanted life to be like that again where he only had to focus on those few essential things and the rest fell in place.

"Let me push for a bit," Noah said taking over Rachel's wheelchair. Santana rolled her eyes but moved over. They needed fun. They needed something.

He gave a smirk when he spotted the elevator and leaned down close to Rachel's ear.

"Hold tight,bug," he whispered.

Rachel looked up at her brother and simultaneously gripped tighter to the arms of her wheelchair with one arm while the other held Charlie more tightly.

Noah steered the chair as if he were going to head down the hallway, but paused as outside of elevator. Serendipitously, inches from the door and seconds from the beginning of his pause outside the elevator, the metal doors opened. Noah smiled and pushed Rachel into elevator. Rachel looked up with him in confusion.

"We're just going for a ride," he said with a gentle voice. Santana slipped into the elevator just as the doors were closing, glaring as always. The elevator door closed just as their aunt caught sight of them from where she had stopped the chat with someone. As she began to race toward them in frustration, the doors locked shut.

Noah leaned against the back wall in relief as the door closed. He smiled as his sisters. "Good as gold."

Rachel looked up at them with concern.

"Don't worry," Santana said, answering for her brother. "We're just heading out." Rachel looked up at her with more concern. "We're just taking a fun trip. This is fun."

Santana was grateful for the escape. She needed a relief from her life. She needed to escape and get lost in a hospital for a bit. She glared down at her hospital bracelet. She would have preferred if she wasn't a patient though.

Rachel looked at the dog and her siblings and then gave a stiff nod.

"Rachel," Santana whispered as she knelt down in front of her. "Talk to me."

Noah watched as she stared back at her with a deep frown. She was going to say something he felt it.

The elevator dinged and the door opened.

Santana squeezed her eyes shut and stood back up as the door opened. At that moment, Santana thought that things couldn't get worse or that the weight on her shoulders couldn't be any heavier. She had a hospital bracelet. They thought she was certifiably crazy and her sister was mute and her other sister had a iv strapped to her body. But then the doors opened.

On the other side of the door stood was Brittany.

Santana felt her insides curdle. She had been wrong.

"Hey," she said quietly.

There was a tiny piece of her that wished she was happier to see her. She rethought and knew that a piece of her was happy to see her. She loved her more than she can say. She let the rest of her that had driven her initial reaction rise again to the surface. Sometimes love isn't enough.

"I can't talk right now," Santana said as she wheeled Rachel out of the elevator and she felt the burning gaze of her brother's eyes in the back of her head.

"I haven't seen you in awhile and... I was worried..." Brittany said quietly. "I heard about the trial and..."

"I really can't talk right now," Santana said sharply.

"Well...I need to talk to you. It's been... It's been too long and I don't know what this means," Brittany replied.

"I …. we're gonna go," Noah said slowly as he took the wheelchair from his sister, who seemed to be frozen.

Rachel looked over his shoulder and put her hand on his. and shook her head ever so slightly. "We gotta," he muttered to Rachel. "It's not our business."

The eleven year old looked up at her big brother just long enough for her grip to loosen on the dog.

Noah's gaze snapped up and away from his sister's begging eyes. He didn't want to feel those brown eyes on him, but he knew that having this talk with them there wasn't good, but it was something Santana needed to do. "Fffffff," he hissed. "Hold tight, Rach. San, see you back at the room."

He pushed Rachel down the hallway as fast as he could without causing her to be thrown out of the chair. .

"I have to go, Brittany," Santana said again looking away from her and taking a step away, but then stopping "How did you know I was here?"

"My dad told me you were here," she said carefully.

Santana backed away from her as if the girl was on fire. "Doesn't doctor patient privilege mean anything to anyone?" She shook her head, enraged. "God! I'm fine!" she hissed. She spotted her medical bracelet and the bandages on her hands. She felt herself shaking slightly.

"Santana, he didn't-"

"Didn't what?!" she scolded. She pulled at her bracelet and then began on her bandages.

"Santana, he just told me you were still here because of the girls," Brittany said without looking away from the bandages or the hospital bracelet that she didn't seem to notice until now. The blonde's gaze soaked in Santana for the first time. She was so much more disheveled than normal... almost shattered.

"Stop looking at me like that," she spat as she turned from her. .

"I'm not looking at you like anything-" Brittany began with her hands up.

"You are! You are!" she said accusingly as she pointed her finger at her.

Brittany stepped toward Santana, but the girl moved back. "Don't."

"San, it's just me. Look at me," Brittany said. The blonde spotted nurses coming toward them.

"Why did you come here? I don't need you! I would have called if I needed you! I didn't! That should have told you something," Santana hissed as she backed away once again and started down the hallway.

"It did," Brittany said following after her. Attempting to keep a calm speed, but failing. "It told me that you needed me." She looked at her with a knowing look. "You go silent when you need someone. It's like you don't know the words."

"Leave me alone," Santana said as she looked at the floor or the doors or anywhere that wasn't Brittany as she made her way down the hallway. She slowly slightly, because she couldn't say the next words and walk, breathe, speak and lie all at once. "I don't need you. I don't even think I love you"

The truth was she did, but she couldn't admit it. She couldn't say it out loud in her head let alone whisper it in her heart. Brittany didn't say anything and she was too much of a coward to look up and see the hurt on her face. Then she realized that everything was still. The nurses she thought had been following them were gone. It was just them.

"Santana, let's go find your mom," Brittany whispered.

She wasn't even responding to that. She wasn't fighting and what that screamed to Santana was that Brittany was so far from her side. Brittany wasn't with her anymore and not because of anything Brittany did but because she simply couldn't be and Santana needed to accept it. Santana was the broken piece to the puzzle. Not Brittany, but the Taz in her knew she would never tell her blonde friend, her everything that.

"Stop patronizing me!" she said throwing her hands up in the air in frustration.

"Santana, stop," Brittany said. "I'm not. Please just look at me."

"Just go, Brit," Santana said as she walked faster down the hallway.

"No way," she said as she followed close behind her.

"I can't do this with you." Santana suddenly felt a surge of emotion and adrenaline in her chest. It felt good and right. She needed to continue fueling the fire. "I can't do this with you!"

"What? Do what?" Brittany asked honestly, causing Santana to stop outside of the stairwell. .

"Do this," she said again. "Just leave me alone."

"I'm not leaving you, San," she said shifting so she was standing in front of her. "I need you to hear me."

"And you need to hear me," Santana said as she pulled away. She felt a pain in her chest and an energy surging from her toes. This was the only way to expel it. She had to cut all ties. "Go away. I don't want anything to do with you anymore, Brit. I can't breathe and I can't think and you just get in the way."

The blonde frowned. "Santana, you're mad and I get that."

"No," Santana scolded. "No you don't! You don't get it at all."

"Well try to explain it to me," Brittany begged.

"No," Santana snapped again. "Are you that desperate for someone, Britt? You're taking all this crap from me. People think that there's shit wrong with me and here you are accepting this shit from me. GO AWAY!" All she could picture was her throwing herself at Brittany. All she could feel was the blind rage through her veins. She couldn't risk hurting the people she loved more. She couldn't cope with that. "Go away. I've done enough talking. I don't want to talk to you."

"I'm not leaving you here," Brittany said with tears in her eyes. "Let's just go back to your room-"

"Go home, Brittany," Santana glared and she turned. "I don't want you near me or my family. Don't come to my house." Her voice was full of ice. "Don't call. Don't visit. Don't anything. I don't want you here or there or at all."

"Santana, please talk-" Brittany sobbed.

Santana couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel the pain of it all. She hadn't expected Brittany today and throwing her into her day... into her messy life was too much. It was incinerating them all.

"Take the hint, Brittany," Santana said lowly. "Go home and leave me alone."

Without another word, Santana walked briskly past the nurses leaving a dumbstruck Brittany in her wake and she refused to look back.

….

Quinn frowned more deeply and they headed down the hallway. She didn't know where she was. She was even more sure that she didn't know how to get back. She knew she had been out of it for a bit, but still. It was as if she were in a different building.

"We're almost there, Quinn," the nurse who had switched out with the nurse told her. They arrived at a long line of other people waiting for whatever test Quinn was having done. She couldn't even remember. She paused when she saw a laundry cart pass by as if collected linens. It wheeled itself into the elevator. Quinn watched the lights above it

She watched the elevator light as it stopped at the second floor.

"Quinn?"

She turned and looked at the woman, breaking her attention from the elevator.

"What?"

The intern's pager went off and a doctor peered around the corner. "Don't move, okay?" the intern said as she was halfway down the hallway. "Seriously I'll be right back!"

Quinn rolled her eyes and started to stand from her wheelchair. Too hard, she thought to herself as she could barely push herself to standing. She wheeled her way over the elevator and waited impatiently until the metal doors opened and she rolled herself in.

The doors closed and she was gone.

….

Shelby narrowed her eyes as she watched her son wheel Rachel and around the corner. She picked up the dog off of her daughter's lap and gave it to Bear.

"Where's Santana?"

Rachel looked up at her mother and then looked back at her brother.

"She and Joey went for a walk," Noah said.

"What-" Shelby began.

"Oh, good you're back," Gretchen said as she walked up to them.

Noah looked at her with confusion and then a slow nod. "Sure." He paused. "What for?"

"Rachel and I are going to talk," Gretchen said quietly.

"Ma, she knows that she's not gonna talk back right," he whispered to his mother.

Shelby shook her head and tried to smile. "Rachel will be fine," she said quietly.

Noah situated Rachel onto the bed and Shelby watched him watch Gretchen carefully.

"Noah, go with Pop-pop and find your aunt and then go and find your sister please," SHelby said.

Noah sighed. "It's fine. She's with Brittany."

"Brittany's here?" Shelby asked confused.

"Uhhh," Noah said confused.

Shelby frowned and shook her head. "Noah, just go outside for a bit...Go, please," she encouraged. Noah sighed and left the room and Shelby turned to Gretchen with a smile.

Gretchen smiled at Shelby. "Thanks, Shelby. We'll do this."

Shelby's smile faded. "I... I think it should stay."

"You should go look for Santana too," Gretchen said casually.

Shelby paused and looked at her with a mixture of confusion and betrayal. Shelby looked at Rachel who was looking at her, pleading her not to go. "I'll be right back."

"See you soon," Gretchen said as she sat down.

Rachel looked at her mother and watched her leave before shifting her gaze to Gretchen, only to quickly look away.

Gretchen soaked up Rachel's appearance. She leaned back into the chair with a heavy sigh.

"So, Rachel," she said with a soft grin. "Thanks for sitting up with me today."

The girl was propped up in bed and was silently looking at the woman with a frown. Her mother was at the door and her other relatives were unsuccessfully being subtle in the hallway. It was as if they all didn't expect Rachel or Gretchen for that matter to fail.

"What's with the face?" Gretchen asked lightly.

Rachel remained silent but tried to relax her face.

"Rachel, you're going to go home either later this afternoon or tonight," Gretchen began. "That can be scary, but also, I'm going to talk to your mother and your siblings and all of those relatives who love you out there. They're not going to treat you any differently because you're not expressing yourself that same. Or at least I don't want them to."

Rachel frowned again.

"That's confusing," Gretchen said with an understanding sigh. "I know you're scared, Rachel, but what I also know is that you were once a very expressive person and I think that you still are."

She paused and looked at Rachel. "You liked to sing right?"

Rachel shook her head and then looked at her hands.

"Rachel, he can't take it away from you," she whispered to her.

Rachel leaned back into her pillow away from the woman. clearly a subject that she didn't want to discuss.

"Rachel, you and your sisters and brother are going to do this differently than before," Gretchen began. "We're going to do meet together, and you'll visit with me and your mom and there's a group you'll go to."

Rachel looked up at that.

"I think you'll like it, Rachel. It's when kids your age who can talk about things. I think it's important. Your mom told me that you have a great friend, Kurt and another named Sugar." Rachel's head snapped up with confusion. Gretchen smirked. "Okay... your mom said that you and Sugar were newer friends." Gretchen said as she studied the girl's face. She couldn't read it. She wasn't sure if she was excited or scared. She had been watching the family carefully for days and there was so much that she had been able to infer, but she was still learning.

Gretchen opened her mouth to ask another question and she leaned forward again trying to make contact with the girl. However, she paused when she saw that the girl's chest heave and her body tense.

Gretchen looked behind her and saw Shelby talking quietly to Dr. Pierce.

"Rachel, your mom is right by the door," she said kindly. "I'm sure they're just talking about what you need for discharge." Gretchen had read how many pelvic exams this girl had to have. She was sure that was one of the many sources of her anxiety. She watched Rachel tense again. She looked back at the door again and a nurse was coming into the room to change the bed or do something nurse-like She realized that the nurse was male. "Rachel, your mom is at the door and your brother is outside too and your grandmother and grandfather, too. Your uncle and your aunt are here too. You're safe."

Rachel looked around again and her heartbeat increased.

"Rachel, you need to calm down," Gretchen replied. "You're going to be just fine." She tried distraction. "I forgot to tell you that we're also going to do some family work. It's a family session where we all sit down and figure out what works for you all. We'll probably do them at your house. Do you have a favorite place in your house?"

Rachel tilted her head and looked back into the hallway again.

"Rachel," Gretchen started noticing that she was losing her focus... or what little she had to begin with. "I want you to try to do something for me. Your sister, Quinn, actually mentioned it to me." Rachel looked up with curiosity. "She said that you're the only one who can talk. We can't force you to talk. So, I brought you a notebook for you to write whatever you want to write or say."

Rachel looked at the notebook that the woman handed to her and then looked over at the door.

"Okay," Gretchen said as she stood. "Rachel, look at me." She did. "I'm excited to work with you. We can move forward and do this together."

Gretchen was sure... almost sure... that she saw a tiny smile on the edges of Rachel's lips. She turned and walked into the hallway in time for Noah to come practically barrell her down.

"Do you want to do a session with her now?" Shelby asked as she followed her son into the room. "Noah, please be cautious of the IV," she said for the millionth time only to have the boy roll his eyes for the millionth time.

"I don't think so," Gretchen stated. "I think we should start that when she's an environment she's more comfortable with." She looked toward the room and then looked back at the mother. "Would you like to talk now or later tonight? I can call you once you're settled-"

Shelby shook her head. "I'm sure once the house is quiet and I'm able to talk that I am sure that Rachel will be on top of me and Quinn will be snoring, don't tell her I told you," she said with a slight smile. It faded when she looked at Gretchen's face. "Or we can talk now...It'll probably wake the kids if you call later. We should talk now."

Shelby nodded and looked over at . "I'll be right back, Rach."

Shelby made her away across the hallway, followed by her Gretchen. She folded her arms and looked past Gretchen into the hallway. "I want to talk with you but San might need me."

Gretchen nodded. She opened her mouth and tried to speak, but nothing came out. She paused again. She brought her hands up in front of her. "There's a lot to work on," she finally said.

"I know," Shelby said quietly.

"There's a lot to work on but it's not impossible. At times it might seem like it but all these kids have been through so much-"

"I know they have," Shelby said as she tightened her arms.

"And I'm also not saying that you haven't done a terrible job," Gretchen said.

Shelby scoffed and shook her head.

"Shelby, I'm serious," Gretchen said. "I am not going to lie and say that if they had more aggressive treatment right off the bat that it might have been different, but you know as well as I that we can't change things."

Shelby let out another heavy sigh.

Gretchen went on. "You all have done so well, but you all are struggling too." She took a deep breath. "There is so much that hasn't been addressed." Shelby looked at her. "Leroy's death hasn't been discussed with Santana... or even Rachel for that matter."

"She doesn't want to talk about it," Shelby said. "they've tried to talk to her about it."

"Well, I think it's something that needs to be talked about again. Also, Quinn hasn't talked about her abuse or addressed it."

"No," Shelby said. "I don't want to push them."

"And that is the root of the problem, Shelby. That's why they sleep with you still. You have to let them go."

"I won't push them into an area they're not comfortable with. Their entire lives have been about being forced to do things that they don't know how to do."

"But that's the problem, Shelby," Gretchen said again. "That's the exact problem. Quinn has had her guard up the whole time. -"

"I know her. I know my kids. I know that they struggle all of the time," Shelby said tearfully.

"You have only skimmed the surface. Santana cannot talk about hard things. She cannot talk about him-"

"With you," Shelby said. "She hasn't talked about it with you."

Gretchen shook her head and looked at her gently. "It's not just about talking about things, Shelby. They won't address it within themselves. Rachel doesn't know what to think. Noah doesn't know what to think. Quinn is devastated and confused and …. That's all okay because we will work on it."

Shelby sighed. "What do you want us to do?"

"What do you mean?" Gretchen asked.

"I'm sure that there are things that you want us to work on," Shelby sighed.

"I think that I want you to start to think about the small things. We'll work together as a team and all I ask that you're honest," Gretchen said calmly.

Shelby looked at her and she realized for the first time that everything that had happened, all of it, seemed to sink into her and once again, she felt another fracture within herself.

"Shelby?"

The woman broke her eye contact with Gretchen and looked at the door. Joey was looking at her with regret and worry.

"We have a problem," Joey said.

….

Once the elevator doors opened, Quinn noticed that the atmosphere had changed. It was quiet on this floor. She paused. It wasn't quiet as much as it was more deserted. There were machines running which made it feel like the whole floor was moving with a slow rumble. She wheeled herself slowly and carefully down the hall.

"Can I help you?" a voice asked causing her to jump.

She looked up and say a young woman standing there couldn't be more than her mid-twenties.

"I'm looking for the lost and found... My sister lost something in the sheets," she said.

"They let her come down here by yourself?" the girl asked.

Quinn nodded.

The woman tilted her head in suspicion but nodded. "There's a room at the end of the hallway. It's used as the lost and found."

Quinn realized that if this was a man she could have been more hesitant. She would have gave more consideration to this situation. But the person helping her was female and she didn't consider it. Instead she wheeled herself after her. The woman opened the room.

"There's a few boxes at the back of this storage closet. Ignore the mess. We keep the other chemicals in here," she said. "Just make sure to keep the door propped. Okay?" She nodded toward a box that she had placed in front of the door.

Quinn nodded. She wheeled herself to the door and realized she probably wouldn't be able to maneuver in there.

"Do you need help?"

"No, I'm fine," she said with a snap. She took a deep breath. "Thanks."

"Let me know when you're done. I'm in the room down the hall." And the girl was gone.

Quinn rolled her eyes and sighed. she turned her attention in the room. She saw boxes in the back of the storage room. She had to practically crawl over a shop vacuum and other tools Quinn would have assumed were unnecessary in a storage closet in the darkest corner of a hospital in Lima, Ohio.

She groaned as she pushed herself to standing and made her way into the room. She gripped onto the piles of the metal shelves as she felt the blood rush to her brain. She chuckled to herself as she made a mental note to get up more slowly the next time she was in the hospital in a basement searching for her kid sister's lifeline. She scrunched her nose up. This place smelt stale. It smelt and looked like the only place in the hospital that hadn't been cleaned thoroughly.

As she glared at the items in the room her feet got tangled on one of the extension cords and she felt her body lurch forward. Her arms barely had time to catch themselves but they did. She groaned and kept her eyes shut as she told herself she would feel that in the morning.

She craned her head up and opened her eyes. The box was in front of her face and peeking from the box was a stuffed monkey's paw.

She felt a relief and hope enveloped her. A smile burst from her lips as she reached and pulled out the monkey. Perhaps it's because she smiled for so long that the smile felt alien to her face, but she still couldn't stop.

She shifted and pushed herself so that she was sitting on the nasty floor. She looked at the monkey. It certainly had been through the wash. It was clean but its arm had a tiny tear. She sighed. At least she had him. She pushed on some objects to help her to standing but instead moved the box that was holding the door open. It was as if things moved in slow motion. The box moved and the door closed with a loud slam.

The smile on her face instantly faded.

"Fuck," she hissed.

….

Santana had pressed all of the buttons on the elevator. She didn't care. She just didn't. She watched as people got off and on. She pretended she was where she was supposed to be. She had ripped off her bracelet. She should have taken it off before. She wasn't a patient anymore her mother had discharged her.

She felt her chin quiver as the words that she had said to Brittany echoed in her brain. She didn't know how to be anyone's anything and she had ruined her last lifeline. She didn't realize the battles that they were fighting were too hard for anyone their age let alone anyone in her situation. It just hurt too much that things couldn't be simple. They never were.

After what she thought was the fifth time that the doors opened and closed, Santana concluded that she should get out and head back to the room. She was sure her mother was having an aneurysm. She noticed that the elevator stopped at the second floor. Perfect, she thought to herself. She could walk slowly back up to where her family was on the sixth and then her mind should be cleared by then.

The doors opened and she was hit with a stale smell of laundry. She frowned in disgust. You would think that this place wouldn't be as smelly.

She sauntered down the hallway. She was an expert at dwaddling. She smirked to herself. She should teach a damn class. She paused outside a closet where a lone wheelchair was sitting. She arched a brow with suspicion. It was as if someone was waiting to get back into it. She looked at the door. Santana knew a closet when she saw one. She hesitated again. She had seen many a horror movies begin this way.

The doorhandle moved and Santana jumped back as if it were on fire.

"Jesus," she whispered.

"Fuck," she heard someone on the other side mutter.

"... Are you okay?" Santana asked, once she realized a serial killer wouldn't be locked in a closet.

"Santana?"

"Quinn?"

Santana opened the door easily and looked at her sister with a confused frown. She soaked in her sister's appearance as Quinn did the same to her. She saw the monkey in her sister's hand and smiled with grateful understanding. Then her smile faded.

"If you're here-" Santana began.

"And if you're here," Quinn said back.

"We're in so much trouble," Santana said with a grimace. She sighed and leaned down to help her up. "Are you okay?"

"I wasn't in here long," Quinn said as she easy back into the chair with a heavy sigh. "Only enough to panic a bit."

Santana nodded. She knew her sister well enough not to ask if she was okay. She knew that she had been scared and that she was tired and weak, but there was no point of exhausting those facts. "How did you find the monkey?"

"I had a hunch," Quinn said. She paused as Santana began to push her back toward the elevator. "So... maybe we should take whatever long way you were going to take."

Santana nodded as she leaned on the handles of the wheelchair. "Yeah...Mom's going to be pretty mad since I bet we've been gone awhile because i've had time to ride the elevator long enough to stop at every floor twice."

Quinn smiled. "Definitely she'll be pissed then. I hope she doesn't make us talk about our feelings."

"Don't count on it," Santana replied. "I already had therapy twice today. I'm blaming you if I have it a third time."

"I was supposed to have an x-ray," Quinn said quietly. "I may have wandered off."

"They're going to put you on a leash," Santana replied as they rounded the corner. "After they kill you."

Quinn exhaled heavily and leaned back in the chair as Santana pushed her into the elevator. "At least we have the monkey."

Santana chuckled quietly as the doors closed. "At least."

"You okay?" Quinn asked after a few moments of silence.

Santana shook her head even though she knows that Quinn can't see her. "Not really," she whispered.

Quinn reached back and took her hand. "You're good enough, San."

Santana met her eyes as the girl turned and looked at her. "So are you."

The elevator dinged and the doors opened.

"Crap," Quinn said as the doors opened and they were met with their mother standing there with folded arms and an angry worried glare.

"Crap is right," Shelby replied.

Quinn was exhausted as they went the fifty yards down the hallway. Shelby waved down a nurse and they immediately turned and headed back to the elevator. Santana knew not to question why she was going with them.

"Do you have any idea how many people were looking for the two of you? Do you have any idea?" Shelby asked.

Santana looked at Quinn who only arched her eyebrow. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Are you?" Shelby asked. "You two keep wandering off all of the time. It's not okay. I know you both need your space, but you can't go getting it whenever you want. You can't. I need to know where you are. It's not just me here, girls, who were looking for you. This whole hospital was looking."

"We found him," Quinn said with a yawn.

"Found who?" Shelby asked.

Shelby looked at her blond child and saw that they were as exhausted as she was. Her eyes drifted to the girl's lap and she spotted the coveted monkey. She gave a sad smile and a heavy sigh. She pulled Santana into a side hug and kissed Quinn softly on the top of her head.

"This doesn't mean I'm not still angry," she said softly.

"We know," they whispered.

Shelby continued to lecture the girls about the importance of always letting Shelby know their whereabouts as Quinn got her x-ray.

"You okay?" Shelby asked Santana as they watched the technician move the machine around Quinn to get different angles behind the door.

Santana shrugged. "I broke up with Brittany."

Shelby nodded. "I'm sorry."

Santana shrugged. "It is what it is."

"It is, but I don't doubt that it's more than that," she told her quietly.

"Alright, all done," the technician said as she wheeled a tired Quinn out, who was still holding George.

Santana looked down at her. "You look like crap," she smiled.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Right back at you."

"Girls, please," Shelby said as she wheeled Quinn back toward the elevator. She smiled at the two of them when she saw them both sink back into themselves. "I have you both beat on the looking like crap scale."

Santana gave a soft smile. "Can we go home?"

Shelby nodded. "We just need to wait for Quinn's results back and your sister need to finish the IV bag she's on." Her smile broadened. "And you need to give her George."

Quinn gave a tiny smirk, but then it faded. "When will she talk?" she asked.

"What happened to her?" Santana asked. "How do we fix it?"

Shelby paused outside the room. "She's in there guys. She's getting better. We're fixing it already. We're on the road."

Rachel sitting in snuggled between Joey and Noah as the nurse took out Rachel's IV. The nurse put a bandaid where Rachel's IV had been. She looked up with hopeful eyes as they moved into the room.

"Hey," Quinn said as Shelby wheeled herself up to Rachel's bed.

Quinn had been concealing the monkey underneath the blanket that they had given her. She slowly pulled the stuffed toy out and Rachel let out a surprised gasp.

"I found him," Quinn said as she offered him to Rachel.

Rachel smiled from ear to ear and grabbed George with one arm and as quickly as she could she sat up on her knees and reached over to Quinn and wrapped her arms around her sister's neck.

"Careful, careful," Shelby said as she left her hand on Rachel's back as she reached up on her knees and hugged Quinn.

"Thank you," Rachel whispered. She leaned back on her heels and stood on the bed and wrapped her arms around Santana. "I know you helped. Thank you."

Shelby looked at Rachel with a tearful smile.

"Thank you, Mumma."

"You're welcome," Shelby muttered as she kissed the side of Rachel's head.

"Rach," Santana whispered from her arms still wrapped around her. Rachel turned and looked at her sister. "We looked so hard for this and Quinn found it and I know how much you need George." Rachel tilted her head and stared at her sister confused. "I think that as much as you need him. We need you here even more. I need you here. Okay?"

Rachel leaned forward and hugged her sister and let her head rest on her shoulder.

Santana went on. "We need you here."

Quinn nodded and looked at Rachel with a nod and an encouraging smile. "We do, Rach."

Rachel was still holding George's hand in hers and she let him go and reached out to Quinn to. "Okay," she muttered.

"Alright, we ready to go home?" Dr. Pierce asked as he came into the room.

"Yes, please," Rachel said as she leaned into Santana's arms.

Dr. Pierce smirked. "Well, if you say so, Rach," he grinned. "Quinn, your x-rays came back fine. You're doing great."

Rachel looked up at Santana as she felt her sister stiffen slightly. She saw that her big sister was looking down in embarrassment. She leaned closer to her.

"Guys, you're going home, but you need to still take care of yourself. Rach, you've been doing well with the IV and the nurse told me you ate some food this afternoon and Quinn, I know food has been up and down. I gave your mother some paperwork to start working with a nutritionist. He or she will work more with you. I know your mom matched you up with one before, but this one will help and come to the house and even teach you guys to cook, okay?"

Quinn forced a smile. "Joy."

He looked over at Santana. "Make sure you keep meeting with Gretchen and her team, San," he said gently. "We all want you to be the best that you can be. You are all so special to me and my family."

Santana turned away.

"Let's get you changed, Quinn, you look like you're half asleep," Shelby said gently as she began to help them.

…..

Santana leaned against the wall outside of the hospital room. Her head was so jam packed she wasn't sure where to begin. She knew she just needed to breathe. She was going to start there.

"Hello," Gretchen said as she walked past her.

"My mom said I could stand here," Santana said with a roll of her eyes. "She can see me and my aunt is at the end of the hallwy with my uncle."

"I was just saying hello," Gretchen replied.

"I just broke up with my girlfriend. In a hospital... only days after I tried to rape her..." Santana's words were rushed and breathy.

"Santana," Gretchen said stopping.

"What?"

"Why did you break up with her?" she asked.

"Because I had to," Santana replied. "I don't want to have a session. This isn't me asking for help."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you have to break up with her?" Gretchen asked.

"Because everything else was falling apart. I wanted to beat it to the punch," Santana shrugged. "It's more than just me right now and I'm making it about me."

"This is about you, Santana," Gretchen said. "Not anyone else. Your life is your own."

"It's not. It's not just me," Santana hissed, but she retreated when she noticed her aunt and uncle look up at her from the end of the hallway.

"It is Santana."

She lowered her gaze. "I don't want to focus on me," she whispered.

"Why?"

"Because... you were right. I am being held together with tape and glue...Have you seen crafts being held together like that. If you look at them, they'll fall apart simply by the force of your gaze," Santana scoffed.

"It's okay to fall apart."

"No it's not," Santana said dryly.

"Why isn't it?"

"Because I won't be put back together," said looking back into the room as her mother and grandmother helped Quinn and Rachel finish up.

"You certainly won't be the same, Santana but you'll be you... maybe even a you that feels better," she said.

"I … I didn't mean to tell them," Santana said suddenly.

"What?"

"I didn't mean to tell them what happened …." she muttered distantly.

Gretchen paused, knowing it was important that the girl was even acknowledging that something did happen. However, she wasn't sure exactly what Santana was speaking about.

Santana went on naturally. "I …. I didn't mean to. I lied and told them i that it didn't hurt... that I wasn't there...I lied. It hurt a lot. He made Rachel watch a lot... I don't think she remembers those parts. but... I tried not to cry. … but sometimes I couldn't help it." Santana paused. "All I'm trying to say is what you read in my file... I don't know if it's... It's not all true but it's not all fake."

Gretchen soaked in her words. "It can take awhile to process," she said finally. "Memories are hard to sort through.'

Santana nodded.

"You ready?" Shelby asked coming up behind them.

Santana nodded and gave her a weak smile.

Shelby rubbed Santana's back and kissed her on the head softly. "Let's get out of here." She nodded at Gretchen. "We'll talk later?"

Gretchen nodded at Shelby and offered Santana her card. "Santana, you call me anytime you want, okay?"

Santana looked at her card and gave a quiet nod. "See ya," she muttered.

….

As Shelby predicted, Rachel and Quinn were exhausted by the time they arrived home. Crackers and toast and medicine were all in their stomachs about an hour later and they were asleep in Shelby's bed. She was grateful for their exhaustion because it was going to be an even more exhausting road ahead. Therapy began tomorrow and school continued. Shelby was able to get Santana settled with Quinn and Rachel pretty easily. The girl finally let herself relax with Rachel curled into her arms as they snuggled on Shelby's bed. She was out in minutes.

Shelby sighed and one child, two child, three child. Where was-

"Hey, ma," Noah said as he emerged from his room.

"Hey, bud," she smirked. "You want to bunk with the girls in my room?"

He shook his head but teetered his weight back and forth.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I want to listen," he said. "I want to be apart of it."

"Apart of what?"

"I know that you're going to go downstairs and talk about the trial... and what happened. I want to be there for that," he said honestly.

"Noah," Shelby began.

"Mom," he said with more conviction. "I will be there for that. I'm just telling you. You can't make me leave."

She nodded understanding. "Okay."

He smiled triumphantly.

"Hey, Noah?" He paused and looked at her. "I don't know if I told you this, but I'm proud of you. So so proud. I always have been and so much has happened and you have handled it with such grace, Noah. We're all very proud of you."

He blushed. "It's fine, ma."

"And your singing, Noah," she whispered as he pulled him into a hug. "Thank you."

"Don't go all Sound of Music on me, Ma," he blushed again.

"Yeah, yeah," she smirked. "We would be better."

She followed him into the kitchen where Helen was scooping up some ice cream. "Dessert is always a must," she said with a smile.

"Thanks, mom," Shelby replied as she sat heavily at the table. "So what happened?"

Joey looked over at Noah who was shoveling ice cream into his mouth.

"He can stay. He wants to," Shelby said calmly.

Bear sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Well, the girls' testimonies it's hard to say where it put the jury, but Suzy's testimony is really demonstrating how manipulative he was."

"What do you mean?" Noah asked.

"Suzy has been talking about the tub and tape and -" Michael began.

"... What about a tub and tape..." Noah asked.

Joey looked at Shelby who turned and looked at her son with a heavy heart.

"Noah," she began slowly. "There are items and a tub, tape, rope...and other things... that Will purchased with Suzy that lead the lawyers to believe that he planned to not just take Rachel and ….. and hurt her... but kill her too."

He sat back silently for a minute. "Oh," he muttered finally. "But what she's saying... he'll go away for good."

"We hope so," Shelby replied.

"She goes on the stand again tomorrow," Michael said. "But it's been a long trial... we won't know anything final until they come back with their decision."

"What do you think will happen?" Noah asked. "I can't... They can't have him getting out later... or ever."

"We know, son," Bear said gently.

"No, you don't," he said as he shook his head. "You don't know them like I know them. They're barely hold on."

"Noah," Shelby said.

"No, Mom," he said. "Those lawyers need to put him away."

"It's not that easy, bud," Bear replied. "There's so much evidence and it's not and open and closed case. He has some great lawyers."

"There must be something that I can do," Noah said.

"There's not, son," Michael said

Noah leaned back and looked at his melted ice cream.

"We need more people to come forward," Michael said sipping his coffee.

"How do we do that?" Noah asked.

"I meant to say, Noah, that the case in general needs to have people step up. It's not our job and certainly not yours to go around helping to get testimony," he said.

Shelby watched her son. "It is not okay, Noah. If you do that it can ruin the case."

"What can I do then, ma?" he asked pleadingly. "I have to do something?"

"Noah, it's okay to feel helpless," Shelby said gently.

"No, it's not," he replied.

I'm so sorry this took so long. Please let me know what you think of this chapter. I do have more planned for next chapter. I hope you stick around and read it. Please please please review.