Open Wounds

by 216BLT

AU: The past is the past. Puck, Santana, & Rachel Corcoran have moved on from theirs, but when their mother decides to take in a teen, old memories resurface. Also, new scars are made as they navigate through adolescence, ones that might not heal.

66. Chapter 66

We love us – not really sure what this means – it sounds like you are disappointed and I am sorry about that – I hope you like this one if you are still reading and I apologize for the wait – Thank you for the review

Brittanyismyunicorn – Thank you so much for your review. It was sad that Santana pushed Brittany away but she really couldn't give the relationship the time that it needed. She doesn't like herself so she needs to find that in herself before giving herself to someone else. But she will. Noah does feel left out but he is very much in the girls lives and you will see it more and more. They need their brother and their brother needs them.

queenbeeee – Wow thank you so much – I am so happy you are enjoying it. There is no way that you can get through this story in 1 day – that's for sure. Thank you very much for the review. I am humbled by it. Sorry for the wait.

Drunalove - Sorry about the wait – no excuses – I will say that my beta and I talk and think about this story every day and we try our best to get it out as soon as we can. Thank you for the review and I will try and get the next update out sooner.

C3 – I am sorry the update took this long – I know Rachel has been through so much at such a young age. She definitely needs a lot of attention. The thing is even though she was abused at such a young age – that might have helped her a bit because she was too young to understand it. Not to say that it is a good thing because none of it is good. It certainly is a balance with Rachel. She is so young, and they're unsure of how to best help her because her PTSD is so severe. Thank you so much for the review.

littleredwritinggleek – Thank you for coming back. I appreciate it and I know it is a very hard read. The kids are getting better. They did need another therapist and also more therapy – more intense therapy – they were getting stuck and not that everyone didn't mean well it just they were drowning. The trailer can be found on my tumblr page .com . Thank you for the review and I am happy you are back.

Goofy – ONE DAY – impressive because this is a very long story! I try very hard not to be inconsistent and sometimes that is the reason for my delays. I apologize and I hope it is nothing too glaring. I am sorry you do not like Rachel – she is young and because of her age she is inconsistent with a lot of things – she has been babied a lot because of the trauma and because she is the baby of the family. I am also sorry that you don't care for Quinn – she is my betas favorite and maybe its because she does like Dianna as an actress – that being said I really do like that you are still reading the story. Shelby is my rock and I hate how they portrayed her in the show so I wanted to show a very different and strong woman. Santana is a favorite of mine as well and they are going to change her treatment as well. The way she was treated was something that Santana was comfortable with for about 8 years and even though now they are figuring out that it may not have been the right way – they did not know that and they are learning that now. Does that make sense? Thank you for the review and there will be more moments with San and Noah soon.

Kissing-Razors13 – Thank you so much for your review – Wow 3 times rereading it – thank you! Regarding the reviews – its ok I get that people don't like parts of this – its not for everyone – it's a tough read. Thank you for your kind words – it really keeps me going knowing that people are still enjoying this story.

lemon-rind - The trauma they have all gone through is very exhausting. Quinn was determined to find the monkey but as you can see Quinn can be very reckless with her own well being and it is something that the therapist have to work on with her. Santana and Quinn do need alone time – especially Quinn and they will start to get some I promise you. They just have to behave when they have it. Thanks for the review.

krazyy989 - I am not sure why you think that about Noah but we will see! Santana is having a tough time right now but she is on her way to getting better. Thank you for reviewing!

OTHangels – Thank you – sorry for the delay in this update!

PassionIsKey – Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I am glad you like it. Santana is really at her breaking point and that is why this therapy is so important this time. She is at the age where she can now understand a lot more. She will now deal with issues that have been hidden to her and everyone and learn to cope better. I am sorry you don't care for Rachel – she is clingy but she has had a great deal of trauma happen to her at such a young age. I hope you will at least like her a little but if not I get it. Shelby is a rock – but she has her weaknesses but she is certainly the strongest woman I know. Because of therapy the punishments will start to calm down. The girls do need their own space but Quinn for one has not displayed that she can make good choices – but she will get there. They will head back to school as well but will it be McKinley – hmmmm not sure yet. Thank you for reviewing.

Asmodeus Poisonteeth – The Britt/San scene needed to happen – San is far from ready for a relationship and it is not really fair to Brittany. I was going to tell you what was going to happen to Will but my beta says no – not just yet – soon though real soon. I know there are many people that want to see him go to prison and or killed but we will see. Thanks for the review. Sorry for the delay.

Lolathe17th – I have to tell you it was so hard to write Rachel not talking. So I am glad she is talking again too! Santana had to break up with Brittany because she has to get better first but never say never they may get back together again. The trial should be wrapping up soon but the girls will not go back into the courtroom – it will not help in their healing. Thanks for the review.

RaneJizzoli – Thank you so much for your review. I try my best not to ignore characters or lose some of them and sometimes it is hard. This story is intense and I am glad you are enjoying it.

Cookie07 - The hardest thing to do is make sure a parent gives equal time and support to all her kids. Shelby tries and while some people may think she favors one over the other – she is human and it may happen from time to time. Sometimes it will appear that one child needs it more than the other. Santana was always feisty – she was the tazmanian devil according to her father – she was not a delicate child so her aggressiveness has been there but it was made worse by the trauma. The trauma that happened to Santana happened when she was only 8 and it was awful and painful – she remembers a lot and a lot more than Rachel but she may not remember it all – they have only touched the surface on what happened and the only ones that truly know are a sick sick man and a traumatized 8 year old. Having said that – I am not sure how much at this time I am going to go into because now its in recovery mood. Thank you so much for your review. I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter out – time got away from me and my beta.

alopez208 - Well I am sorry that I make you cry thank you so much for your kind words. This story is so near and dear to me and I am so happy that people are still enjoying this. Thanks again.

Ryoko05 – Thank you so much for your continued support – I often wonder because my updates are not as often and I am no longer a fan of the original show if people are still into this. So thank you so much for saying that – I need it. My job is very much tied to the type of trauma that these characters have faced and unfortunately for the victims it is not a quick fix and it takes many many years to work through the pain but in the end – with the right help and support it can be done.

1moredreamer – I am glad you recognize the growth of everyone. Some is very small but some of them are making bigger strides. They will all heal at different rates because the trauma happened to each one of them differently but they will lean on each other to heal. Rachel will start to come around – Gretchen and her team will start to get through to her in this chapter. She will see that she is not alone and she is very much loved and needed. As always – thank you so much for your support from Brazil!

Guest – Glad you like it – sorry for the delay.

Sarah11650 – Thank you very much for the review. Sorry for the delay!

Guest – I am sorry you think that Shelby favors Noah – that's not my intention. The girls just deal with their anger differently and Noah had already gone away for more intense therapy when he was younger – he did physically hurt people whereas Santana only hurt things. Thank you for your review and I hope you will continue to read.

piecesofyourheart – Rachel will chat again. And Brittany is not gone forever. She will be coming back definitely . She is Quinn's friend and will be at the very least Santana's friend too, its just that they really cant be in a healthy relationship right now. Thank you for reviewing.

qwertyuiop1234 – Rachel will get a lot of focus and Santana and Quinn will get it as well. They have babied Rachel a lot because they thought that was best but it wasn't really the right approach. They will get there – thanks for the review and I hope you like this chapter.

JWilson18 – I couldn't lose George forever! Quinn knows how important that monkey is to Rachel and how devastated Santana was that it was lost so she needed to do this for them. Its time for Noah to know about the trial as long as he knows that the way to help is to let the authorities take care of things. Thank you for the review.

NinjaGleek21 – You are not a terrible person by any means. Thank you so much for the cookies and the review! I am glad you are still enjoying it.

sarge362 – I try to give each character the same amount of time without adding unnecessary fillers – sometimes it gets very hard. The story is full of angst you are correct. And I try to put warnings out – they will get better but it is a long road – I am trying to paint it as realistic as possible but I also understand if people feel that it gets tiring and boring. Its not for everyone. You are correct in why Noah got his therapy and about Rachel – Santana made it seem like she was getting better when in fact she may have just suppressed a lot of the pain. Quinn's trauma is very much in the forefront because it just happened or was just discovered so her therapy is new and raw to her as well. Thank you so much for your review.

zuperkt – Thank you for having faith in my Corcoran family. They did show lots of small acts of healing this last chapter and they will survive because they have each other and are strong! Britts not going to die but they needed to break up right now because its not what San needs right now. Thanks for reviewing.

Gleegirl913 – It will have more Rachel / Shelby and I really do try to make it as even as possible I am sorry you feel that I have focused too much on them. I hope you like this better. Thank you for the review.

HannahWilliam33 – I am glad you liked the chapter. Brittany and San needed this and I am also happy that Rachel is back to talking. Thanks for the review.

G2 – I am sorry you think that way. I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for reviewing.

Guest – I think Rachel and Quinn care about Santana very much as does Nana and the rest of the Corcoran clan – I am positive Joey loves her and cares about her very much. Thank you for your review.

Guest – I am sorry you feel that this story is stuck. I try very hard to move the story along but I understand if you feel that it is too slow. Thank you for your review.

Guest – I am glad that you gave this story a try and I am sorry if it is not paced to your liking. I know this story is not for everything. Thank you for taking the time to read this story and I am sorry I disappointed you. Thank you for your review.

TommyH – Thank you for your continuous support!

Guest – Yes it will have some happy moments but it is mostly an angst story. Thanks for your review.

blueashke – Santana's therapy will include taking about her previous trauma and getting to know what really happened. She is in for some intense therapy but she will start to heal. Thanks for the review.

Paigeheartsglee12 - Thank you so much for your review. I am glad you like the story.

Noah had one of the muffs of the earphones on his ear and the other propped off of his opposite ear. He had gotten over the shock of hearing his father's voice in the music a little while ago. Now he was focused on the notes as he strummed. Transposing wasn't easy but we he managing as he attempted to follow along with it.

He was thankful for the silence so that he could concentrate on the music. His aunt and uncle had somehow managed to convince his grandparents to stay at their house for the night. His aunt had said something about the immediate family having time together or something like that. Noah couldn't quite remember.

Either way the house was now silent besides the whispering of the music in his ear. His mother had tried to stay up with him but had fallen asleep on the couch during the nightly news. He had tucked her in on the couch, but she had awoke and had mumbled about how it was important for him to go to sleep. Noah nodded and lied through his teeth as he told her that he would go to sleep soon.

He listened carefully to the chords and strummed them quietly in sync with what he heard. He paused every so often and wrote down a few notes on a piece of paper.

"What are you listening to?"

He jumped and looked up in surprise.

"Hi," he said with a sigh of relief when he saw Rachel staring back at him holding George close. She looked more surprised than he was. "Why aren't you snuggling upstairs with Mom and the girls?" He smirked as he set his guitar aside. "I know you're tired."

She shrugged and walked over to him. She pulled herself next to him and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"What are you doing awake, bug?" he tried again after a few minutes of silence.

"I couldn't sleep," she muttered.

"How long did you take to try to go back to sleep?"

Rachel shrugged. "Enough time... I was scared …. Even though Quinn and Santana were there I got scared... normally Mumma helps me go to sleep or Santana ….. but …. I couldn't ….." she trailed off.

"Couldn't what?" he asked.

"I couldn't be alone with the stuff in my head... It scared me," she whispered.

He pulled her close. "I get that. You just have to let the better stuff in your head take over."

She shrugged and nodded toward his stuff. "What are you doing?"

"Just playing with a song," he smiled. "Mom still sings you to sleep right?"

Rachel lifted one of her shoulders to her ear. "Sometimes..."

He pulled her closer to him and grabbed his headphones and put them on her ears. "Listen to this," he said gently.

She leaned into his side and listened to the song. "I know this song," she muttered. "Brown Eyed Girl."

"Yup," he grinned.

She slipped the earphone off her ears with a yawn. "Why are you listening to that?" she asked.

"You and Santana would never sleep... ever..." he grinned. "Dad sang to you a lot. He sang the Beatles song but he also sang different songs to you. Both you and San used to calm with the songs."

Rachel looked up at him with another yawn.

"I know you're tired," he chuckled. "You want to stay with me until you fall asleep and then I'll bring you upstairs?"

She shrugged. "I want to stay with you…..Will you sing it to me?" she asked as she leaned back into him. "Can we watch a movie?"

"I thought you wanted me to sing a song," he teased.

"Oh yeah," she grinned with heavy eyes.

"You want me to sing to you?" he asked with a grin.

She shook her head. " I want a story."

"A story?" he chuckled at her fickle nature.

She nodded. "Yes, about puppy dogs and kittens," she smiled pushing his creative envelope.

He rolled his eyes. "I hate cats."

"I know," she responded but then frowned. "Why?"

"Because they're cats," he sighed. "Fine. I'll tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a dog and a cat. The cat was obnoxious and was always getting into trouble. He went over waterfalls - but he got what was coming to him. A nice cold bath. Anywho,the cat always tried to make friends who didn't want to be friends with him. Birds... bears... and -"

"Noah," Rachel frowned with a yawn. "You can't tell me your account of Milo and Otis."

"Why?" he asked. "It's a story."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Another story."

"Fine," he frowned. "Once upon a time there was a young puppy. He was a mischievous puppy and would always eat everyone's clothes and shoes. His owner was a young boy who had a sister and a brother. His brother had an older dog who thought that this new puppy was a bit reckless and crazy and his sister had a snotty old cat. One day the family went on vacation -"

"Noah," she sighed. "That's Homeward Bound."

"You love Homeward Bound," he said with a grin.

Rachel grinned. "Okay... continue..." she said with her eyes closed as she leaned back against him.

"Anyway... the family went on vacation and left the pets at a farm, but they didn't realize they were just there for a visit so of course being all panicky and crazy... they went after the family-"

"Why..." She yawned. "Why.. didn't we go to London...When Mumma left?"

He paused for a moment and kissed the top of her head. "Because we're humans, Rachel. We didn't have Chance and Shadow's sense of smell."

Rachel smiled with her sleepy eyes closed. "I like that answer."

"Me too," he smiled to himself..

"Keep going," Rachel whispered.

Noah whispered. "Um... and then they ran across the field after falling in a muddy hole."

Rachel's eyes snapped open. "You ruined the moment."

He grinned. "Why don't you tell me a story?" She shook her head against him and he sighed. "How about...I tell you a story?"

She rolled her eyes. "That's what I asked."

He kissed the top of her head. "Yeah.. yeah..." He sided. "Soooo... This is a true true true story."

She yawned. "A true true story?"

He nodded. "Once upon a time-"

"Don't be too cliche," she whispered as she snuggled into her brother.

"There's no seafood in it," he assured, causing Rachel to shake her head tiredly.. "So you were born early... once upon a time." She smiled with her eyes closed. "When Dad finally brought us to the hospital, I was so so so excited to see you. Santana asked Dad if every baby we saw was you as we went through the hallways. We stopped at the nursery wing. Dad picked us up so we could see all the babies. Santana pointed at every single one of them and said, 'That's her. That's her... wait... That's her.' But then dad shook his head and said that you were so special that you had to be kept somewhere else, somewhere special. You arrived early and so you had a special room where early arrivers came. Dad said he wanted to show us what how big the regular newborns were so that we knew how small you really were."

Rachel yawned. "I wasn't special," she muttered. "I was different..."

Noah hugged her to him. "You are so so special. Santana was very careful with you. I think it's because Dad told her that you were like her paper mache project that she broke carrying up the stairs... Dad said that we needed to be gentle with you -"

"Because I was tiny... I still am," she mumbled.

"No, because you were going to be a star. You are going to be."

"He didn't say that," Rachel said looking up at him.

"He did," Noah said with a nod. "I was there."

"Your memory is wrong. You were too little."

"Nope," he grinned. "He said that Rachel Barbara Corcoran had a set of lungs on her. He knew you could sing."

"I don't want to sing," she whispered. "Not anymore."

"It was your voice, Rach. You don't have to sing now but it was a strength that he knew from the beginning."

She shook her head. "I don't think that's true."

"Dad knew you were strong, Rachel. We all did, but most of all him. He had no doubt that you were going to fine. It didn't mean we couldn't help you. San even told Dad that she would take care of you because she was strong."

Rachel frowned and looked at her hands as she nestled into her brother, thinking of his words.

He rested his chin on the top of her head. "Rachel, you got yourself through that. …. and then you were the one that pushed through and survived what happened in New York."

"You were there... and everyone else..." she muttered with another yawn.

"But you, Rach, people can try and try, but you were the one that pushed through."

She wrapped her hand around his hand that was resting on her midsection. "Can you tell me another story about him?"

He smiled. "Absolutely."

In minutes they were both asleep.

…...

Shelby's eyes flickered open. Her body was exhausted but somehow she felt more rested than she had felt moments before. She felt an arm draped over her midsection and a body nestled against her front. Sunlight. Morning. Words seemed to form slowly at the front of her brain. Children... Shelby's eyes snapped open. Quinn had her body snuggled into. She leaned forward and kissed her softly on her head and then turned her head back to see Santana behind her with her arms draped over her. Shelby remembered hazily crawling into bed last night with the girls.

"Mom, stop moving," Quinn grumbled.

"Yeah," Santana groaned.

"Get up, girls," Shelby said as she pushed herself up, forcing the girls to shift and getting grunts of dissatisfaction in response. "How are you feeling, Quinn? I want to check your PICC line-"

"My what?" Quinn asked.

"The portable IV thing," Santana muttered.

"I'm fine… It's fine," Quinn replied.

"Well, I'm going to check it nonetheless," Shelby said.

"Mom," Santana rawred as she pulled the pillow on top of her head.

"Santana, you're not a lion," Shelby said. "We do not sleep all day."

"Yes, we do... and we are lions," Quinn mumbled into her pillow. "Where's Rachel?" she asked as she moved her arm around the bed with her eyes still closed.

Shelby looked around. "She's asleep with Noah," Nana said as she passed the door.

"When did you get here?" Shelby called out.

"An hour or so ago," she replied casually from down the hall again.

"Does she have a key or did she burgle her way in?" Santana asked lifting her head.

"Grandmothers don't burgle," Nana called out.

"That's stereotyping, Nana," Quinn called back.

Nana made a noise from the hallway.

Quinn closed her eyes.

"No, no," Shelby said with a smirk. "We're going to wake up, girls. It's almost ten o'clock."

"So," Santana said as she sat up.

"So..." Shelby mocked slightly. "We have things to do." She reached out for her phone and looked at the time. "We really need to get up, girls. Let's go."

"I don't understand why we can't sleep in," Quinn grumbled.

"We already have," Shelby grinned. She looked down at her phone and saw a red alert indicating that she had a voicemail. She sat up and put the phone to her ear as she rubbed Quinn's back.

The message began to play in her ear. "Good afternoon, Shelby. It's Jackie from the Department. I know that you and I haven't spoken in a bit. I hope Quinn is doing well. This isn't about Quinn though." Quinn looked up at Shelby as if she heard her name though the phone. Shelby paused the message and put her hand over the speaker. "San and Q, I mean it. Up and adam."

Shelby brought the phone back to her ear and resumed the recording of the voicemail. "I know that there has been a lot happening with the trial and especially with the girls' individual care. I don't want you to feel pressured about what I will ask. I am reaching out because we're desperately looking to place one of my clients in the Lima area. She attends Gable right now and we really don't want to disrupt her school placement. It'll only be through the rest of the school year because she is a senior. Again, I understand the gravity of what your family is coping with right now. I am hesitant to ask but management in my office wanted me to reach out and ask. Give me a call. Thank you."

Shelby looked at her phone. She has called yesterday afternoon while they were at the hospital. She hadn't even heard her phone go off.

"Who was that?" Santana asked.

"None of your concern," Shelby said as she could feel Quinn's eyes on her too. She swatted the air as if had done something to her. "Completely unimportant."

Quinn frowned.

"Seriously, girls," Shelby said as she stood up and stretched. "Get dressed please. We have places to go. People to see. By the time I come back those butts better be out of that bed."

Quinn rolled her eyes but sat up anyway as she watched her mother leave.

"That voicemail was about me," she said as her eyes watched after her mother's departure.

Santana rested her chin on her palm. "What?" She shook her head. "You don't know that."

"I do. I heard my name," Quinn said.

"Well you're adopted. We're stuck with you. Go to sleep. If we're in REM when she gets back then we won't have to go do what we have to do," Santana said as she readjusted her pillow.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "You're not tired. You just don't want to do that group you have to go to," Quinn muttered

"Whatever," Santana groaned. She moved her head on her pillow so that she was looking up at Quinn. "We're never going to get rid of you. It's probably the department asking if they could put you on a poster about successful kids. Plus, you're not heinously ugly-"

"Thanks, Santana," Quinn replied dryly. She leaned back and looked out the window.

"Stop thinking so loudly," Santana muttered with her eyes closed. She opened them and looked up at her. "What's wrong?"

"What's not wrong?" Quinn responded.

Santana looked at her. "I know," she whispered.

"I just… I'm caught in my head right now….. You know? I just… I need some time…."

"For what?"

Quinn shrugged. "I don't know." "This doesn't feel like my life…" Her voice was a whisper.

Santana let out a slight sigh and sat up as she leaned against the headboard next to her sister. "... I was eight…. when everything happened." Quinn looked over at her in surprise. Santana played with the blanket's edge. "It's normal for nothing to feel real. It's …. normal to feel numb."

"Is it?" Quinn asked with a frown.

Santana frowned. "I have spent forever since my …. since my dad died trying to get back to 'normal'..." Quinn stared at her, knowing that this level of vulnerability was rare to reveal. "I'm now just realizing that I can't…."

"I don't understand," Quinn muttered after a few moments of silence.

Santana looked up at her with a forelong look. "I'm just trying to say that …. What you had, Quinn….. It wasn't okay… but it was normal for you…. and it's okay to struggle with the change."

Quinn shook her head. "I don't know if that's the issue."

Santana looked at her. "Going back to my mom was really hard," she muttered with a crack in her voice. "Just because you have something better doesn't make it easier to accept."

Quinn chewed her lip and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know what to say. "Even though you're you, you still grew up knowing how to articulate how you feel. I don't know how to say it. It's all gumbled in my head."

Santana scoffed quietly. "Articulate how I feel? I'm pretty sure I threw furniture at you…."

"The girls I met at the group home where I stayed were crazier than us."

"Yeah?" Santana smirked.

"While I have no way of articulating how I feel, they really had no idea. They would flip when they couldn't have a bagel at breakfast…." Quinn's smile faded. "I always wondered what made them that way and I reminded myself that it could be worse."

"But that doesn't mean that what happened with you isn't big…." Santana said gently. "Listen… I know that you don't like talking about it …. Maybe it'll help…"

"Isn't this the pot calling the kettle black?" Quinn said.

"Probably," Santana replied. "But… I've been actively trying to move on and return to normal by ignoring everything that happened….and it hasn't worked. Plus I have had more sessions with Gretchen and …. while they suck a lot… I feel better… somehow… but I do…. and it makes me want to get better even more…" She looked at her sister. "It makes me think that I don't want to be where I am… and how I feel for the rest of my life." She looked at her hands again. "I can't let him ruin my life forever…. Hiram… I can count the number of times I've said his name….. I …. I feel like everytime that I lose control that he gets that control."

Quinn nodded. "I …. I know that you hate him-"

"Hate doesn't begin to describe what I felt for him," she sneered.

"... I …." She shook her head. "Never mind"

"What?" Santana asked turning to her.

"It's not …. It's not that simple with me." She looked at Santana tearfully. "My parents were all that I had….. They were terrible but they were all that I had… but I still don't know how I feel… It's like…. It's like I was drowning and now I'm a fish that's washed up…."

Santana gave a slow nod. "But it's not all you have now. You're not alone anymore."

"But sometimes, it was easier when I was. I could get lost and pretend I was somewhere else. I love you guys."

Santana nudged her. "Awwww."

Shut it," Quinn said with a jab in Santana's side with her elbow.

"I just…. I went from being able to escape into a book… or in being a bitch at school .. to being surrounded by genuine people…. It's … it's hard… and I …. I don't know."

"I get it," Santana said, taking in the somber atmosphere. "You just need to talk to Mom about that. I think you need time to yourself." She took her hand. "We're going to get out of this town, Quinn. We're going to be okay."

"I hope so," she whispered. She chuckled.

Santana smiled to herself. "I think you escaped because you're so good at being a bitch."

Quinn smacked her in the face with a pillow. "Look who's talking."

….

Shelby knocked gently and went into Noah's room. She sighed. Empty. She peeked into the bathroom where she thought Rachel was. Empty. She frowned and forced herself not to panic as she made her way down the stairs. When she entered the living room she saw Rachel sleeping on top of Noah and Noah with his head crooked to the side.

She grimaced. They didn't look comfortable at all. She knelt beside them and shook them slightly.

"Guys, time to wake up." Her voice was gentle as she attempted not to startle them.

Rachel's eyes fluttered open and she looked at her mother. "Hi," she whispered.

"Hey," Shelby said as she cupped her cheek. "How you doing?"

She gave a tiny nod. "I'm okay."

"We need to check your temps and take a neb treatment before breakfast," Shelby said. "When did you come down here?"

Rachel shrugged. "I don't know. It was still dark out and Noah was awake."

Shelby frowned. "Did you try to go back to sleep at all?" Rachel nodded. "Honey, I know you wanted some company, but because you slept on the couch you and Noah were not sleeping comfortably."

Rachel looked up at her older brother who was still snoring slightly. "He's still sleeping."

"You and I both know that it's better for sleeping if you sleep in a bed," Shelby said.

Rachel nodded. "For REM," she muttered.

"That's right," Shelby said as she kissed her on the top of her head. "You know that you can wake me up when you want."

Rachel just stared back at her."I'm going to go brush my teeth," she said with a yawn as she slid off of Noah's lap.

Shelby took her hand before she slipped by her. "I have a surprise to tell you about."

Rachel frowned. "What?"

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you," she winked.

Rachel gave a tiny smile. "Kay," she said as she placed George next to her brother.

Shelby watched her youngest child walk down the hallway before she turned to her son. "Noah," she said shaking him a little harder." Nothing. "Noah."

"What?" he groaned.

"Get up, son," she said. "It's ten o'clock."

"Ma," he moaned as he brought the pillow on top of his head and moved to snuggle down on the couch. His arms reached out to where Rachel was just sitting He opened one of his eyes and looked around. "Where is she?"

"She's brushing her teeth and washing her face. Getting ready for the day like you should." She sighed. "Why didn't you go upstairs last night?"

He shrugged. "We didn't need to. We were comfortable down here."

"Were you?" Shelby asked.

Noah sat up and cracked his neck as he stretched. "Just a tad bit stiff."

Shelby smiled. "Did you have trouble sleeping?"

He shrugged. "Kinda… but Rachel came down and we talked."

"Yeah? Can I ask about what?"

"About dad," Noah said quietly. "I think…. I think she might be better if she sings again." He looked up at his mother. "Right?"

Shelby looked at him with a weak smile. "Noah, I think that Rachel has a lot to work on. We all do. I think that she will go back to singing but we can't push her."

"Why not? It might be what she needs. I need football to help me. Rachel just needs to get back to singing and she'll be better. I know it."

"I think that it might help, Noah, but I think it's really complicated. It has been her source of relief for her but it's also a source of terror. With you it took time, remember? You didn't want to play hockey for a long time… you really got back into sports when you went to your program."

"... The coach helped focus me. We just need to find Rachel a good coach. Right?"

"Noah," Shelby said again. "It's not as easy for Rachel to get back into the game."

"Why? Why isn't that simple for her?" Noah asked.

Shelby looked at him. "It was never simple for you, Noah. Nor Santana or Quinn. I think that Rachel will need a lot of pushing but she will also need a lot of support. Like you did. But singing was how he was connected to her. I think it's going to take someone more than this family that can help re-introduce singing into her life."

"Why?" he asked sadly.

Shelby gave a small shrug. "Because it was what we used before, remember?" Noah looked back at her confused. "When she was young, we used it as a tool to help bring her out of a sadness she was in then…."

"It worked before though," Naoh argued.

"And it might work again, but I think it needs to be more than just us. I think we can push her, but we have to careful. I think with all of us, Noah, we can't do things how we did them before."

He gave a slow nod and chewed his lip. "Mom?" he asked after a few moments.

"Yes?"

"Would…. would you be angry….if I went away?"

"Where would you go?" she asked. "You mean for school?" she realized.

"Yeah…."

"I would miss you every day," she smiled. "But I would be so grateful and proud if you did too. I think starting in a new place would be an incredible adventure for you. Do you want to go away?"

He shrugged. "I do, but I don't want to run away."

"I don't think you will. You're starting a new adventure. You're moving on."

"... But I don't want to leave everyone else behind," he muttered.

"You're not," Shelby said. "We're moving on with you." She leaned over and kissed him softly on the forehead. "Now go hop in the shower and get dressed."

He stood up and smiled at his mother as she continued to sit on the couch. "Thanks, Ma."

She nodded. "Thank you," she said with a smile.

…..

Shelby pulled the Range Rover into the parking space. She looked in her rearview mirror and the four kids were looking out the window at the big building.

"We're all going inside?" Noah asked.

Shelby shook her head. "Yes and no," she said. "You're mentor is meeting us here, and will bring you home, Noah. Santana and Rachel's groups are in the building and Gretchen's office where Quinn is going is also here."

Shelby looked at her silent girls. Santana was glaring at the building as if it was threatening her. Quinn was frowning and trying to figure out which window was Gretchen and Rachel was just starting down at her hands. She took a deep breathe. "Let's go, guys. I'm starting a new trend and not be late."

Slowly the kids filtered out of the car. Rachel had insisted on bringing George but now the girl was staring in the car at her monkey on the seat as if she was making Sophie's Choice. Shelby leaned closer to her daughter's ear.

"Bug," she whispered. "You can bring him in if you want, but I don't think you'll need him, but I'll hang out here while you're all in your groups and I can run out and get him if you need him."

Rachel nodded and started to walk next to the family into the building.

Quinn was holding the crook of her arm as her fingers kept grazing over her portable IV. She stared at the numbers as they rode up the elevator. Santana had opted to take the stairs with Noah, but only after a stern. silent look from Shelby that said, "Your butts better be where they're supposed to be when we get up there." She stared down at Rachel, who was holding onto Shelby's hand with a death grip. When the floor dinged, they arrived at the level that Quinn was supposed to get off on. Quinn felt Shelby's hand on her. Shelby had left Rachel with Noah and Santana near the elevators as she walked with Quinn into the office.

Santana gave her a tiny wave as Rachel practically climbed on Noah for comfort. Quinn turned forward and saw a large waiting room.

"Are we early?" Quinn asked.

"A little," Shelby said.

"What about them?" Quinn asked motioning toward the door.

"You're meeting with Gretchen is in less than five minutes and then Santana and Rachel's groups start. San's going to have lunch with hers and then Rach's gets out and she and you are going to your cooking thing."

Quinn grimaced. "Hooray." She looked at her mother. "You don't have to wait for me you know. She's going to come and get me. There's nowhere for me to go."

"Well, I want to," Shelby said. "Plus I would be nervous."

"I've met with her before." She shrugged. She chewed the inside of her lip. "I … I think I want to talk to her. I ….I think I do." Shelby looked at her, encouraging her to continue. "... I know that that person was talking about me on the phone this morning."

Shelby looked at her with a frown. "Quinn -"

"I heard my name," she said, cutting her off and holding her mother's gaze. "Will you tell me?" .

"Quinn," Gretchen said as she entered the the waiting room.

Quinn continued to hold her mother's gaze waiting for an answer.

"I will but after your session. It's nothing directly about you. It's because you've done so well at our house they're asking a favor of me," Shelby said simply.

The blonde let out a little sigh of relief as Shelby pulled her in for a gentle hug. Her mother kissed her gently on the top of the head. "Nothing to be worried about," Shelby whispered in her ear.

She pulled away. "I'll see you in an hour."

Shelby watched as Quinn disappeared into the room. The girl looked back for a moment and Shelby gave a small nod. Quinn nodded back and walked forward and disappeared into the room.

….

When Shelby came out of the Gretchen's office and was surprised to have a tall young man talking to her children. Rachel was sitting closer in Santana's arms and Noah was a few yards away speaking with him casually. He looked like he was barely out of college. He was dressed only a little bit more put together than her son, who thought jeans and t-shirt was a dressed up outfit.

"Hi, Shelby Corcoran," she said as she extended her arm and didn't think twice about interrupting.

"Matthew King," the young man said. "I'm the therapeutic mentor for Noah. We spoke on the phone."

Shelby's anxiety in her chest shrunk away. "Nice to meet you. Sorry, my other daughter Quinn was beginning her appointment with Gretchen. So," she said as she smiled. "What are your plans?"

"I think we might head to the pond and play some hockey," he said looking at Noah. "That's what we were just talking about. Noah said he bought his skates. It's pretty cold outside. The pond is pretty frozen."

"Yes," Shelby nodded. "You brought your duffle in with you, right Noah?"

"I gave him some money for lunch," Shelby said. "Please not too much junk. I don't want junk food to be a regular thing with the two of you. I know social workers are infamous for bribing with McDonalds." She winked at Noah. "But I mean it. Maybe a wrap or something."

"Kay, ma," Noah said with a roll of his eyes. "See ya." He waved at Rachel who waved back slightly.

"Okay, text me when you're there please. Also, Matthew can you make sure that he wears his coat. He might say that he is hot on the ice, but I just know that he needs to at least wear the light one," Shelby said quickly.

"Mom, he's not an invalid," Santana said shifting Rachel on her lap. She gave a shrug and a roll of her eyes. "Just kidding. He is. keep going."

Rachel gave her a tiny jab with her eyebrow.

"Santana, enough," Shelby said.

"Bye, ma," Noah said trying to remain as 'cool' as possible.

Shelby watched as he disappeared into the elevator.

"What about playing hockey and eating McDonald's is therapeutic?" Santana asked as Rachel slid off of her lap and took her mother's hand.

"Santana, I'm sure you'll do fun things with your mentor," Shelby said.

"What? Why? I'm not getting a mentor," Santana said with a frown as she folded her arms in front of her.

"Maybe not now, but you might eventually," Shelby said.

"Noah, needs one because he's socially crippled and he needs a 'male role model.'" She put her ringers in the air using air quotes. "I don't need one. I'm socially stable." She felt Rachel looking up at her. "Not that having a mentor would be bad….I just don't want one."

Shelby looked quietly down at the girls. "Let's go downstairs please. We can take the stairs."

"Mom, I don't want you to drop me off and embarrass me," Santana said as they headed off to the stairs.

"Well, I will bring you to the room but I won't walk in with you, but if I hear one incident, Santana where you do not attend this group, I will sit in there."

Santana rolled her eyes but nodded.

"And do not roll your eyes at me, Santana," Shelby said. "I love you but your attitude needs an adjustment."

Santana nodded and gave Rachel a small smile as they went down the stairs. She looked down when she felt her mother take her free hand.

"I know that the first day will be hard but it's hard for all of you," Shelby said as they opened the door into the hallway. "Everyone's nervous for their first day.

"Mom, I know that.," she muttered. "And I know that I need to go… that doesn't mean I want to."

Shelby looked at her kindly. "I'm proud of you for doing this."

Santana gave a soft scoff. "Like I had a choice."

"You always have a choice, San," Shelby said. "You and I both know you're capable of kicking and screaming and not doing things if you don't want to."

Santana looked at the ground and shrugged. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to do this one bit. She looked over at Rachel and scrunched down on the balls of her feet. She gave her a weak smile. "You have a good time today, okay? You might make a new friend. At least yours isn't as long as mine," she said lightly. "Just remember that you are incredible and can do this. I'm so proud of you."

Shelby crouched down beside her daughters. She could see Santana regressing into that place that they had worked so hard to get away from.

"We are all proud of you, Rachel, just like we're proud of you, San." Shelby stood up and took Rachel's hand. "They're serving lunch Let's head in okay?"

Rachel frowned and watched her sister but leaned into her mother's side.

Santana gave a small nod and she stood up too. "I'll go in alone, Ma," she said quietly.

Shelby nodded and gave her a small wave as she watched other teens filter in. She spotted who she assumed was the facilitator of the group who gave her a smile.

"Are you leading this group?" Shelby asked.

The woman nodded. "Yes, I am. Lauren Bremer," she said as she extended her hand.

"Shelby Corcoran," she said. She nodded toward the door. "My daughter, Santana, is participating in this group."

Lauren nodded. "I'm excited to meet her."

"I was curious about how you structure the group," Shelby said as a few other teens went in.

"I'm sure that I can tell you a little bit more about it later," Lauren replied. "I'm sorry but I want to get a few things set up." She looked down at Rachel. "Can I help you with anything else before I head in?"

"She has a group on this floor, Pre-Adolescent Socialization and Support," Shelby said.

Lauren nodded and pointed down the hallway. "PASS is held down there." Rachel looked up at Lauren with a frown. Lauren gave her a reassuring smile. "I hear they do a lot of fun things in that group." Rachel gave a small shrug. "You better get going it's almost time for it to start."

Rachel looked up at her mother who was staring after the woman. Shelby felt like she was being watched and looked down at her daughter. "Ready?"

She remained quiet as she followed her mother down the hallway. Rachel's group was much shorter than Santana and Quinn's appointment. She was sure that dropping Rachel's off would be the hardest. As they approached the door that was supposed to have the room that Rachel was meeting in, she felt Rachel stop. She looked back and her daughter was looking up at her with a worried frown.

"Hey," Shelby said as she looked down at her. "You only have to be in there for forty five minutes. And like I told San, everyone else in there will be just as scared as you."

Rachel looked at the door. "Where…. Where will you be?"

"I can sit in there if you want me to," she said kindly.

"Actually, we don't encourage parents to sit in the room with the kids," a woman said quietly.

Shelby tried her best not to glare at the woman. She looked a few years older than Shelby herself.

"Hi, my name is Tonya," she said kindly. "I'll be leading your group today. What's your name?"

Rachel looked at her mother.

Shelby gave Rachel a reassuring nod. "This is Rachel," she said after a few moments of silence. "What kinds of things will you be doing today?"

"Well," Tonya said, subtly taking in the mother and the daughter team. "We will learn to know the people in this room. There are only a few of us. We will play a game and just learn to relax a little. It's a very loose structure."

Shelby had read the literature. She knew that this group was designed for kids similar to Rachel with a history of abuse and anxiety in social situations. Either way, she had not let her children out of her sight with anyone but her relatives or Gretchen since the incident.

"She'll be fine," Tonya said. "You ready, Rachel?"

Rachel looked at her mother and then back at the woman. She held more onto her mother. .

Shelby knelt down next to her. "I'll see you later, Rach," she said quietly.

"I don't want to," she said quietly to her mother.

"Come on. We're late," a new voice said frantically behind her. Shelby looked up and behind her and to her surprise she saw Carol Hummel walked briskly down the hallway with Kurt in tow.

For the first time Shelby saw her daughter gave a hopeful look.

"Hi, Kurt," she said quietly. She tilted her head. "What happened to your eye?"

Kurt brought his hand to his face as if he thought he could cover it up. He looked up at his mother. "It was an accident," he muttered. His whole demeanor was different than Rachel remembered. "Are you going to this class?"

Rachel nodded and extended her hand. "Me too."

He gave a small nod. "Good." He looked over at his mother. "See ya, Mom," he said quietly.

"Bye, honey," Carol said quietly.

To Shelby's surprise Rachel started toward the room. Almost as if realizing her mother was still standing there, she turned and gave her mother hug around her middle. "Bye, Mumma."

"See you soon," Tonya said as she followed the kids in.

Shelby watched as the door seemed to close heavily behind them. Shelby gave an awkward sigh and looked over at Carol. To say an awkward silence fell over them was an understatement.

"Hi," Shelby said quietly.

Carol shook her head. "We don't have to do this right now," she said briefly. "I have to go run a few errands before I pick Kurt up…. It was good to see you."

Shelby barely got a wave in before the woman disappeared down the hallway. She frowned as she remembered Kurt's appearance. Shelby and her family had been on their own island for so long that she almost forgot that other people were struggling on their own. She didn't care for Finn especially in how he treated her daughters, but that didn't mean that she hated him as a person. She frowned and looked down at her watch. She needed to grab some sandwiches for the girls before Rachel and Quinn got out.

….

Santana sat down heavily in one of the seats and glared around the room. There weren't a great deal of people here, but there were probably about ten kids in there. All of them looked as grumpy as she was. and most of all none of them wanted to admit that they needed to be there.

"Alright," Lauren said with a grin. "I know we are waiting for a couple more, but we should get started. I'm having lunch delivered and I want to go over a few things." She cracked a smile. "Don't get used to the lunch delivery. You will all be bringing in your own lunches from now on. This is just a first day treat."

"Sorry, we're late," a voice said behind them.

Santana rolled her eyes but kept her stare forward. She hoped that this went by fast and most of all she hoped that this went fast and didn't require a personal statement. She felt raw and exposed already. She wasn't ready to splatter her emotions on the wall.

"Take a seat," Lauren stated. "What's your name?"

Santana still didn't bother to turn. She didn't need this. She didn't need any of this. She didn't care who was in this room and she didn't plan to. She was doing this to get better. Everyone else didn't matter.

"Finn Hudson," said the person who entered the room.

Santana's head shot up and snapped back to stare at the boy.

"Nice to have you here," Lauren replied.

"He can't be in here," she practically shouted.

"And why is that?" Lauren asked.

Santana had a long list of reasons, but the only one that seemed to explode from her was. "Because he's a jerk. He was terrible to my sister and….." She looked around the room at the first time. Everyone was staring at her. She wasn't ready to tell strangers that this jackass had outed her. She wasn't ready to splatter her secrets around the room.

Lauren nodded. "This wasn't how I planned on starting this class but let's talk about this. Finn, Santana's pretty angry at you. What are your thoughts?"

The boy gave a nod. For such a tall guy, Santana saw him looking very small in that moment. "I'm sorry," he muttered.

Santana frowned. She had been ready for a fight or even a chair being thrown. Nothing.

""You're right," he spoke up again. "All I can say is I'm sorry."

Santana felt strangely exposed in that moment and the room wasn't even looking at her. She didn't know what to say to that. She gave a small scoff. She realized that she brought the attention on herself without intending too. Now she knew people wanted to know not only her problems but Finn's too. She looked over at Finn.

"Whatever," she said. "He can't get in my face though," she warned.

"No one will get in anyone faces," Lauren assured. "Do you want to say something to Finn, Santana?"

Santana looked at him. "No," she said not breaking her eye contact with him. "I'm good."

Lauren nodded.. "Okay. Let's get started and then we can really get down to business."

Santana rolled her eyes. She hated anger management already.

…..

Quinn looked down at her drawing. Gretchen had noticed that she needed something to do with her hands while she chatted so she offered her a sketch pad and drawing pencils.

"You've been through a lot of changes over the past few months."

Quinn shrugged. "Yeah." She sighed, remembering what she wanted to "Do you have things that you want to talk about?"

Actually, I do," Gretchen said. "I want to know more about you. And what you're thinking."

"There's too much…. we only have an hour right?" Quinn gave a slight shrug. She looked down at her hands. "It's just too much… there's been so much change."

"Can you tell me what your days used to be like?"

Quinn frowned. "I would go to practice and I would come home."

"What would happen when you got home?"

Quinn chewed her bottom lip and gave a slight shrug. "Ummm….. I would get something from the kitchen to eat and then sit at the breakfast table and do my homework."

"Did you do that every day?"

She gave a subtle nod. "I … I couldn't eat in my room and parents…. my other parents… They needed to know that I was doing my work…. It was just my routine."

"...When did they get home?"

"um… " Quinn shrugged. "They spent a lot of time at the club."

"Did you talk when they got home?"

Quinn shook her head. "No… but I poured my father his scotch and my mother her gin…. It was normal….. I know…. I know that everyone thought every night things were terrible… but they weren't. It was just… some nights were harder than others….." She paused for a moment. "Can I ask you something?"

Gretchen nodded.

"How do I move on? I love my family and my mom… but … I don't know how to just…. Sometimes I wish I had that silence…." She looked at her hands. "I hate that I want that, but sometimes I wished I had it….I don't have to worry before I go to sleep that he will wake me up but I still … I wish for that… I don't have silent anymore. I don't even sleep alone… I can't anymore."

"You don't sleep alone?"

Quinn gave a slight chuckle. "No…. I sleep better when I'm not alone… Is that weird?" She shrugged. "When I first went to my mom …. Shelby…. she… I couldn't sleep in my bed. I was scared …. He… had been so angry with me….." Quinn looked at her. "He wasn't terrible to me every day. He gave me gifts and told me I deserved good things…. My mother… Judy… she was the one who was say things to me…. Things that would hurt the most…" She shrugged. "I know I'm being a big baby but I like sleeping with them. It reminds me when I wake up that I'm not alone… Plus…. Santana and Rachel have been scared too sometimes. We all need each other right now…. You know?"

Gretchen nodded. "Have you been scared?"

" When what?"

"When you sleep alone still?"

Quinn shrugged. "I … It feels different. I don't like it. I can't sleep as well. It's nice when I have people there."

Gretchen nodded and wrote down a few notes. "Quinn, do you know what we're going to be working on?"

She shrugged. "Me?"

Gretchen nodded. "Do you have goals for yourself that you want to work on?"

Quinn shrugged. "I want to… I want to move on...I want to know what that means to put this behind you…. you know? Like everyone talks about…."

"You'll never forget, Quinn, but it won't be as fresh in your mind. It won't hurt as bad the more you move from that…."

"Do you really think that?" she asked. "Time heals all wounds and stuff."

"I think a lot of trauma, not all, but a lot, can be like a burn…. it hurts so much in that moment but then as time goes on it's a dull ache…. Then it's just a scar."

Quinn frowned. "I think sometimes it can feel like that… but… Santana and Rachel…. and even Noah.. their trauma is so new…. but it's not too. You know? ….. all the stuff that happened recently to Rachel and then…" Quinn shrugged. "Their burns are still fresh…. "

"I think maybe they might not have healed, Quinn. I think that's something I'll work on with them. And a lot of your wounds are fresh but a lot of them are old too. Can you think of anything that's old? That doesn't hurt as much?"

Quinn tilted her head to the side. "I … I don't know…. I just….. I …. It's hard to explain….I just…. I want you to know that everyday wasn't a nightmare as much as it was just….. the same never ending bad day." She shrugged. "It was just… It was my life…." She shook her head. "I … um…. I stayed at the group home for a little while. Did they tell you that?"

Gretchen gave a little nod. "Not much about it."

"I wasn't there for long….I think I was supposed to be there longer…. but then…. my mom came…. not … not…. Judy…. not the one who died.. but…. my mom now… She saw me and wanted to bring me home. I don't know why but she did." She shrugged. "But… It took a little bit before I could come to her house. My worker said that there was lots of paperwork and stuff….."

Gretchen nodded as the girl talked quietly. She saw her picking at her cuticles idly. "Tell me about the group home."

"There were lots of different girls there. There were a lot of girls from the city… all of them Columbus and Toledo and even Cincinatti."

"Did you make any friends?"

"No…." she whispered. "But I didn't try."

"Why not?"

"Because I was scared…." she frowned. "A few of them went to school at McKinley… but I never saw them.. most of them were in the special education wing …. but they still knew who I was…." Quinn gave a scoff. "I didn't know them. I don't even think I've tried to talk to any of them since then….I never see them..." Quinn looked down at her hands in embarrassment as she felt shame run through her veins. "That's not true actually. I saw one of them… um…. she was from …. Columbus….. Her name was...is...Ebony. I saw her on the day that everything came out at school." Quinn frowned as she remembered. "I didn't say anything to her. She didn't say anything to me." She chewed her lip. "I think I judged those girls too harshly because I didn't want to be one of them. I didn't want anyone to know what happened…. but I remember one of the few group sessions I sat in someone said that something that means more now that it did in that moment."

Gretchen nodded. "That happens to me a lot. What did she say?"

"She said no one wants to be in a group home. No one wants to remember why they're there….. but that we know…She talked about her mom and as much as she knew what her mom did…. and she knew how bad it was… she still ran back to her house every weekend." Quinn shook her head and met Gretchen's eyes. "Will it go away?"

"What?"

"That tiny part of me that wants to know if my father ever loved me?" she whispered. "Or if my mother ever cared…." She felt a tear drop onto her cheek. "I …. I love my family now. I love Shelby and I can't imagine where I would be without her but…. I …. sometimes…. I just…."

"Do you feel guilty?"

Quinn shook her head rapidly. "But then I get mad. I just….. How can you feel so much at once? That can't be right…. Santana describes it as feeling full. Like you have so much inside of your head… and in your heart that you feel like…. you're going to explode out of your finger tips. How do I make it stop?" She nodded with more focus as she wiped her tears. "I want to make that go away. Can you do that?"

"Quinn," Gretchen said gently. "We talk about a lot of things. We can work on different coping mechanisms to help figure out those feelings."

Quinn nodded tearfully. "Okay."

"Can you tell me a little about school? You mentioned about that you didn't want people to know. Are you different at school?"

She scoffed. "I think you know the answer to that," she said wiping her tears.

Gretchen took a few moments. "Do you think that one of the things that you want to work on is… your identity."

"What do you mean?"

"How do you see you, Quinn?"

The girl's eyes hardened. "I don't know," she said quickly.

"Can you try? Can you come up with things that you like to do that help to define part of you?"

"I don't know," she said again. She was getting so frustrated. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Quinn, how do you see yourself?"

"I don't understand!" she stood up. "I don't want to talk about my image! I don't …. like it…."

"Why?"

Quinn stared at her shocked. "Are you kidding? My mother drank and drugged herself into a telephone pole I killed my baby….. I ….. my ex-boyfriend called me a slut to the entire courtroom….. I …" She let out a quivering breath. "The town knows that I slept with my father….." She looked at her hand and traces her wrist where her cast used to be. "I thought that I was okay….I read a book once ...that talked about child abuse…. I found it at the library. It talked about how one day we would be a sad story. It said that sometimes you can pacify and silence it or put it on pause. But that you wake up and it is your life. You can run from it. I don't think I am. I was functioning. It didn't cripple me anymore…. but maybe… maybe I was just silencing it….and I don't want to have to do that anymore..."

"I think you're doing a fantastic job, Quinn, trying to be honest with yourself, but it's a process and it's an exhausting one."

She gave a slight nod. "Can I go?" she finally whispered.

"Think about the ideas of your image okay? What that means to you.. Let's talk about something else though."

"Is that how you see me?" she asked.

"No," Gretchen said. "But I know that's how you see you. We will work on those things, Quinn. I think that you're hardest on yourself. The parents you lived with for the most of your life were very tough on you. Not just through their actions but their words. And we will work on talking it through."

Quinn nodded tearfully. "I ….I don't know if I can."

"Well, that's why you're here," Gretchen gave a small smile. "And we can help figure this out together."

…..

Santana kept staring at Finn. The more she stared the more angry she became. What was he doing here? She felt this rage deep in her stomach that seemed to just radiate. He knew she was watching him because he kept looking nervously over his shoulder. She felt her anger repeatedly reach a boil and she had to force herself to calm down. However, every time she remembered what Finn did. She remembered that he testified that against Quinn. She didn't need to be in the courtroom to know what they were accusing Quinn of doing. She knew. She knew it all.

"I know we are just getting ready to know each other, but let's open the floor, Lauren stated. "Let's talk about triggers. We will explore this throughout the weeks that we're working together but do any of you know what your triggers are?"

Santana was still glaring at Finn. She had seen him throw plenty of tantrums on the football field, but that was about it. Her mind began to sift through her memory about why he was here.

"Santana, what about you?" Lauren asked.

"Start what?" she asked and the room was looking at her.

"What are your triggers? What makes you angry?"

"Ignorance," she said without hesitation. "Judgement."

"Can you elaborate a little more on that?"

"I hate it when people judge people without really getting to know them," she said. "I really hate it when they do that to people that I care about. I just lose it."

"Well, sometimes the people you care about aren't angels," Finn said. "I'm not saying that are at fault.. but the people we love aren't perfect."

"Don't mean you can attack them or accuse them of things!" Santana said.

Finn turned to face her. "You can't be angry with me."

"Fuck you," she spat.

"Santana," Lauren warned. "Talk this out but not with such foul language please. Clearly, the two of you need to clear the air. I think we can all learn from this."

Santana rolled her eyes and turned back to Finn. "You were wrong. You had no right to say what you said."

"You weren't even in that courtroom…You weren't even friends with Quinn when she and I were together. You don't know everything. You think you know, Santana. I just said the truth. They twisted it. Not me. She lied to me! It's on her….. but I am sorry about what I did to you."

"I don't care about what you did to me," she said hating that people were watching this interaction. "You were the one who told her to abort her baby. You were the one who pressured her!"

"Get off your high horse, Santana. You and your family have anger issues. We're here for a fucking reason. I said I'm sorry, but don't tell me that you're not at fault too. Your brother broke my jaw! and your precious new sister told me that I was the father of her baby and I wasn't!"

"Well you know who was, Finn," Santana said coldly. "You dated her for years and you didn't even ….. you didn't even know her…"

"You're right. You know what? Don't act all innocent. You got me kicked out of that game."

"Oh give me a break," Santana said rolling her eyes. " You got kicked out because you fumbled so much. Plus you didn't get pulled out. You're just not a good player Finn. Sam is better."

"Ugh," Finn said standing up. "He's not! I'm better! I'm a senior!"

She watched him as he looked at her angrily. She recalled exactly what she had said to him.

"You're nothing. What you make Quinn feel is exactly who you pretend not to be. You act like a big man, because you can't help it, because you're the beanstalk. Sometimes I get distracted and think I see a small boy trying to climb you in search of a hen that lays golden eggs, but that's beside the point. Let me chop you down, gi-gantasaur. You're a loser. You'll always be a Lima Loser. Quinn is not only too good for you, but so is that rock over there. Deep down you know that too in the roots of your stalky being. You need to back off and settle in, because you're here to stay, homeboy. Maybe your stepfather will let you lick the floor of his shop. But that's only if you're lucky. So don't talk to Quinn anymore because you've already wasted not only her time and energy but you've also scarred her simply with your foul stare and jutting jaw, which make you look like you're passing gas. So hunch down, Quasimodo and look around you. This right now, you as a barely mediocre player, and that's being nice, this is the HIGHLIGHT of your life. Don't talk to Quinn. Ever. Maybe if you're lucky, she'll wipe her feet on you later." Santana plastered a smile on her face. "Bring it home, quarterback! Go Titans!"

"Get over yourself, Finn," she stated. "You're not mad at me as much as you're angry about what I said because it's the truth. That's not my problem that you feel so mediocre. That's on you."

"Okay, we need to stop these personal attacks," Lauren said. "Let's take a break."

"No," he said. Finn narrowed his eyes as he breathed deeply. "You're not perfect either, Santana! And you know what don't make what I said a big deal. Everyone knew about you, Santana. It wasn't news."

"You outed me over the loudspeakers at school and you made flyers!" she screamed. She launched at him only to be held back by a pair of arms and she watched as Finn was held back by two other staff.

"That's enough!" Lauren said. "Finn and Santana calm down. I think we have found your triggers."

She suddenly felt very small when she realized that there were more people other than the two of them in the room.

"Let's talk about this," Lauren said after a few moments. "It seems to me that the both of you have a lot of things to work on. I think a lot of us spend time trying to suffocate feelings that we explode." Finn and Santana just looked at the ground too caught up in their own thoughts.

"Do you two have anything to say?" Lauren asked.

Santana felt her anger melt away. She replayed the words she had said in her head. She knew the words were hurtful but she wasn't ready to apologize. Not to him.

"I'm sorry I had an outburst. I don't want to be near him though. I'm not ready."

"Me neither," he replied. "I'm sorry for my flip out too."

Lauren looked at them. "I don't know the two of you, but we're talking about triggers today. I think we all can learn something from what happened. We could all feel it reach it's boiling point. We can't take that back but what can we do tame it and avoid it in the future?"

Santana seemed to tune the rest of the of the session. She knew why she was here. She knew what she needed to get out of this class but she didn't know if she could do it with Finn Hudson. She shifted her gaze and watched him for the rest of the morning. She found herself wondering why he was doing here and it hit her strangely hard when she realized whatever the reason that he was here, it must have been a big one.

Lauren announced a lunch break and Santana stood heavily and walked over to the platters of items that were set up in the back. She caught Finn's eyes and realized for the first time he felt just as stuck as she did. She didn't like the choices that she had made and she didn't believe he could be left off the hook. However, once part of her anger went from boiling to simmering she realized that Finn Hudson must have hit pretty low to come here. And in that moment she reminded herself that she was in the same position.

...

Shelby took a deep breath and smiled as Gretchen's door opened. "I think we're ready for you, Shelby."

Shelby nodded and entered the room with a smile. She looked at Quinn and gave her a grin.

"Hi, sweetheart," she smiled. "How did it go?"

She shrugged. "Fine. What are we going to talk about with you," Quinn asked.

"I wanted to talk about your relationship," Gretchen said as she took a seat back in her chair.

"With… with her?" Quinn asked as she looked at her mother with a frown. "I like her alot…"

Gretchen nodded slowly. "There's been a lot of changes since you moved in."

"You've said that a lot," Quinn stated simply.

"Quinn, don't be rude."

"I'm sorry," Quinn replied.

"Can you tell me some things you like about living with Shelby?"

"She's my mom," Quinn corrected. "And yes, I chose to call her that. She didn't force me to do anything. She's like…. she was like everything that I always dreamt for in a mom….. but better. She was real….. well is…."

"What makes her better than what you dreamt?"

Quinn thought for a moment and looked over at her mother. She felt her cheeks flush. "... It's stupid…" she mumbled.

"It's not," Shelby told her.

"My family wasn't touchy feely…. at all…. well… " she looked at her hands. "Not in the way that you wanted," she said letting her mouth go dry. She chewed her bottom lip. "But I…. I always…. no that's not true… I just… I …. I was scared a lot…. I still am." She gave shrug. "Have you ever not had something for a long time and then… you get it again and you realize how much you need it?"

Gretchen nodded. "Yes I've felt like that."

"She…. my mom… Shelby she … holds me…. She … she hugs me and … I feel safe…. " Quinn visibly swallowed and looked at her hands because if she looked at her mother she would cry. "My…. my father… Russell… sometimes he held me…. and …. it .. it felt good… but…. Shelby … my mom…. my mom feels like home…" She chewed her lip. "I'm not being very articulate"

"You're doing incredibly," Shelby said with a kiss on her forehead.

"She makes me feel normal… I wouldn't let people touch me before and she made it not awkward, Quinn chewed her lip again. "I … I thought I would never have that…. and I thought if I did I would mess it up. One of the girls in my group home said that her foster mother was really affectionate toward her and she took it the wrong way and ended up in the group home…. I …. I thought that would be me because I threw slushies at people I hated. just so they didn't see how scared I was." She risked a look at her mother. "We don't anymore….Slushies are bad. I know. I'm happy here."

Shelby smiled. "I am so happy that you are with us."

"Quinn, what is something that you don't like about living with Shelby?"

"Why would you ask that?" Quinn asked.

"Because I'm sure there's something…. many things probably," Shelby laughed.

"Are there many things that you don't like about me?" Quinn asked suddenly.

"What?" Shelby asked. "I love every aspect of you, Quinn. Why would you ask that?"

Quinn shook her head frantically. I don't know."

"Quinn, are there parts of you scared to share with Shelby?"

"Of course there are," she whispered. There were too many too name.

"Quinn, there is nothing about you that would make me love you less. Nothing," Shelby said.

"That doesn't matter," she whispered.

"Why not?" Shelby asked.

"Because what you feel… and what I feel… are different," she muttered. "You set the bar so low… and I know that the person you care about isn't the same person… but I … I'm trying to be that person…. You know all those things about me… the bad things… but you still…. you still love me… and …." Her voice cracked. "I am so gr...grateful. I just… I love you so much and I … i don't want to be another person that I hurt."

"Quinn, you will make mistakes. I want you too. I see you trying so hard to be so perfect. I see you and I am so proud but I need you to know that you can't disappoint me, Quinn."

"It's hard to hear that, Quinn, isn't it?" Gretchen asked.

Quinn nodded tearfully.

"Do you spend time together?" Gretchen asked.

"Of course," Quinn said wiping her tears. "I'm like allllways with her…" Quinn trailed off."

"What is it?"

"... I like time with her but… we don't have a lot of alone time…."

"Do you want alone time?" Gretchen asked.

"That's all I had for sixteen years….. "Quinn mumbled.

"Well, Quinn has been grounded frequently," Shelby stated.

"I … I sawed off my cast," Quinn muttered suddenly finding the ceiling interesting as her gae tilted upward.

"Oh," Gretchen stated.

"It itched. And no, I didn't want to hurt myself. It just.. it itched…." The blonde girl looked at her mother who was looking at her with an arch of her brow. Quinn went on. "I was feeling overwhelmed… and … I just… I needed to do something… that what something that I could do." She took a deep breath. "Can I ask something?"

"Absolutely," Gretchen stated.

"Santana…. has had PTSD…. and Rachel has that and anxiety and stuff…. What… what do I have?"

"Do you think you have something?" Gretchen asked.

"I-sawed-off-my-cast," she said pulsing at each word. "There's something wrong with me. So… so tell me."

"I think that you've been through a lot of trauma, Quinn," Gretchen began. "A lot of trauma that for some people might paralyze them. You function well in school. Minus the slushies. You not only participated in sports but you lead a team. You're doing phenomenally. Do I think that you have a diagnosis? I don't know. Is it something that we will explore. Yes. We can have you meet with a special person on our team that specifically does tests to diagnose."

" I just want to know what's wrong with me," she muttered. "There has to be something."

"I think that there is a lot going on in your head, Quinn. That's why we're going to talk regularly. We're going to work through it with your mom."

"Why is it happening now?" Quinn asked. "I could numb it before… Nothing bothered me before. I was able to regroup in no time and now I can't. I just. … can't." She looked at Shelby. "I …. There's something wrong with me."

Shelby looked at her. "There's nothing wrong with you, Quinn. Like Gretchen said, a lot has happened and your brain and your feelings are catching up and sorting themselves out. You said that nothing bothered you before. I think it always has bothered you you're just learning to let it bother you. you're allowing yourself to feel it. We will figure it out together and with Gretchen."

"Sometimes, I try to escape… and I still can. I … I just.. think about other stuff and I'm not in that moment. Is that bad?"

"NO," Gretchen said. "I think that you've learned to protect yourself. It's actually called dissociation and it's a way that PTSD can be … expressed. It's hard to describe, but it's something that we can talk about. I want to learn more about you and how much you do it and when… and why. We will get to know each other, Quinn," Gretchen said gently. "And we will figure out ways to make your relationship with your mother even better so that you feel better about being you around her, without disappointing her."

Quinn nodded. "We have a lot of work to do."

Gretchen smirked. "We really do." She looked at her watch. "You and Rachel have a nutrition class in a few minutes."

Quinn nodded. "Apparently we're cooking our lunches… We'll see how that goes."

Shelby smiled. "It'll be fun."

"Not everything is fun," Quinn smirked back.

….

Noah laced his skates up and looked at the pond. He smiled as he slid onto the fresh ice.

"When was the last time you skated?" Matthew called out as he warmed up too.

Noah shrugged. "Maybe last winter, but mainly with my sisters. I don't really play hockey anymore. I don't really like the team at my school and it's just not my thing anymore."

Matthew nodded. "Want to take a few laps around? Warm up?"

Noah nodded. "Sure thing." After a few seconds of silence, Noah looked over at Matthew with a frown. "What are we supposed to do?"

"We're just going to hang out in this first session and get to know each other," Matthew said. "We might establish goals, but for the most part it's getting to know each other. What do you want to know about me?"

"Are we going to hang out like this every week? Go skating and stuff?"

Matthew nodded. "We'll hang out. It'll be very informal. Tell me how you got the nickname, Puck."

Noah shrugged. "I played hockey when I was little. There's not much to tell."

"So is this what you like doing for fun?"

"Skating?" Noah asked as he circled around. "I guess."

"Do you like to hang out with your sisters?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

Noah remained quiet as they went around more. "Are you really close with them?"

"San is about two years younger than me… She has the months counted out but we're a lot closer in age. She's kinda like my best friend… but I'm really protective of her. but you can't tell her I said that."

"Yeah? Why not?"

"She's just.. she's like…. she's like a turtle," Noah said as he leaned down and they sped around the corner.

"A turtle?" Matthew asked.

"She has a really tough shell…. but she moves fast… so she's like a fast turtle," Noah said.

Matthew chuckled. "What do you see you as? An animal I mean."

Noah shrugged. "I don't know."

"Maybe a lion? No.. my sister, Quinn, is a lion. you should see her hair in the morning. It's crazy." He smiled and gave a shrug. "I just. …. I don't know."

"What about you, Noah?"

"I don't know… I'm just me," he shrugged again. "Can we play hockey? One on one? It'll be a work out. Do you think you can keep up? There's no one here so we can take over the whole pond."

Matthew chuckled. "You're going to give me one hell of a run for it, aren't you?"

"I promise I won't check you."

Matthew looked over at him with a heavy sigh. "Alright."

They only skated for about twenty minutes. Noah wasn't the kind of player to ever go easy on anyone unless they were Rachel. Noah shot his hands up in the air in victory at the six goal he scored. It was getting too easy. He smiled but faded when he saw that Matthew was heaving in the middle of the ice.

"Dude, are you okay?"

"I'm in better shape than this," Matthew said holding up an arm weakly. "Or at least I thought I was."

"I can go easier on you," Noah chuckled.

Matthew shook his head. "I think maybe I could use something to eat."

Noah grinned. "I could always eat."

About twenty minutes later, they were sitting at a local burger joint. Noah said that it was better to do that joint than McDonalds, plus this was better. The table was silent again and Noah slowly looked up and saw that Matthew was staring at him. He had been able order what he wanted and Noah had made sure that the ten dollars stretched as far. He was able to get two burgers, fries, onion rings, and chicken fingers.

"What?" Noah asked as he threw a fry into his mouth.

"You certainly have a appetite," Matthew laughed.

"Always did," he smiled. "I like that we did today. Will we do this every week? Just eat food and get you into shape?"

Matthew nodded. "Or we can try other stuff. We're going to get to know each other but we're going to relax."

"And then I start talking to you about hard stuff?" Noah said bluntly. "Just asked me what you want to know."

"You seemed pretty laid back. Normally people push me away," Matthew said. "How did you know you could trust me?"

"I don't," Noah said. "But … you don't scare me. I liked just hanging out. …. if my sisters came, Rach would be worried about falling. San and Quinn would be…. I don't know depends what mood they're in…. I don't know. I just do."

"Do you feel like you can't get relax around your sisters?"

"I can," Noah said as he took another bite of his first burger. "It's just different when I play sports."

"How does it make you feel?"

"That's too typical of a line," Noah said as he smirked.

"Seriously though, does it help you? Playing sports?"

Noah nodded. "I had to go to this program…. it was in the middle of nowhere and all we did was just talk about our feelings…. but there was this guy who ran the program and we had to play different sports …. but he wasn't like any other coach. Most of the guys there. We were really pissed off. All of us. Most of us didn't even want to play… but we were able to just… I don't know learn to be angry on the field…. So I learned to let it just … just happen on the field." He shrugged. "It's the one thing I'm good at…It's the one thing that I don't have to worry about."

"I read about your game a few weeks ago. 302 yards rushing 104 yards receiving a kickoff return for a touchdown and a punt return for a touchdown."

"You follow football?"

"We're in Ohio, Noah, who doesn't follow one of the best football teams in the state," he smiled. "Noah, you're very good at what you do. Have you thought about college?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I applied and stuff. I'm waiting to hear back."

"Where did you apply?"

"Here in Ohio…. Florida… and then…. just places…." He paused. "I talked with my mom. and…. she and I are okay with me going away. I just… It's like I keep changing my mind, you know?"

"It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to be scared about it. There are a lot of changes," Matthew said. "It's different for every kid, but it's a huge change and so many people are scared. I guarantee that every kido the campus is scared of all of the changes."

"But it's different for me….. I'm not like every kid,"he said. "I'm not scared of the stuff that everyone else is scared of."

"What are you scared of?"

He stared down at his food. "I'm scared about if Santana will get made fun of at school….She's tough but she's not as tough as people think she is or if Rachel will make friends when she eventually goes back. She doesn't have very many…. I wish…. I wish people wanted to be her friend. I'm scared that Quinn will think that's she's not worth it all. He shrugged. "I don't know."

"I think that you do," Matthew said. They're going to be okay."

"My mom said that. She said something about a new adventure." He shrugged. "I just…. What if something bad happens while I'm gone?"

"Then you can come back," he smiled. "They'll always be here."

"You can't say that," Noah muttered. "I….. I know that your life can change in a second. …. Things can change and bad things can happen….. and there's nothing you can do to stop them. I just… I can't imagine missing those things. I want to be here when the bad things happen…. but at the same time I don't."

"You think that things will happen?" Matthew asked.

"They always do," Noah said casually as he took another bite of his burger. He watched Matthew watch him carefully. "Don't look at me like that. It's just true."

Matthew looked at him for a long while. "You can't live your life waiting for the next bad thing to happen?"

"Why not?" Noahed asked.

"Because it's like driving as you're riding the brake," Matthew said.

"Well at least you can stop when you want to," Noah said.

"Noah, I think that's a pretty anxious way to live your life," Matthew said. "We can work on it. I think we should try to work on it."

"Okay," he gave a nod.

….

….

Shelby smiled as she watched Carole and Kurt disappear down the hallway. They had another awkward exchange where Rachel and Kurt did most of the talking. Shelby felt grateful that Rachel was talking and interacting for her own free will. It was as if those things that held her back before didn't matter and in so many ways they didn't.

"Did you have fun?" Shelby asked as she led Rachel down the hallway.

Rachel nodded. "I did. We played games and talked about things that scared us when we meet new people and we practiced things like getting to know people."

They walked down the hallway toward the elevator.

"Can we see Santana?" Rachel asked.

"I think she might still be in session," Shelby said.

"No, I'm here. We're on break, Mom. I'm not skipping." They turned to see Santana standing outside of the restroom. "Was that Kurt Hummel?" Shelby nodded. "Douchey McDouchpants is in my anger management class," Santana replied casually. She saw her mother begin to open her mouth. "Whatever… Finn. He's fine… He's just… I don't know. He's different but I want to kill him."

"You didn't did you?" Rachel asked looking up at him.

Santana scoffed. "No, bug."

"He's just angry," Rachel said.

"I would hope," Santana said. "We are in anger management."

"He's just angry because of his dad and the war," Rachel said leaning against Santana's side casually. "Kurt told me. He said his parents won't let Kurt be alone with him and that before his dad and Finn's mom got married, Finn's dad came back from war and was angry and got mad at Finn and that's why he's angry…."

Santana remembered listening to that when Kurt had come over. "Doesn't excuse his behavior."

Rachel shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"You sure you're okay?" Shelby asked. "I'm nervous about you being in there with him, San."

"Mom, there are tons of people in there." She waved her mother off. "Let me take care of it okay? I don't need you rescuing me."

Shelby paused. "Fine, but if you're uncomfortable in any way, please let me know."

"I will," Santana said. "I'm going to go back in before all the dessert is taken."

"Good bye," Shelby smiled.

"Bye," Rachel waved.

….

Santana made her way back into the room. She spotted Finn by the dessert table and felt this strange feeling in her chest. She couldn't tell if she wanted to kick him in the groin or just throw a chair at him. It was a toss up. She made her way over to the table, noticing the facilitators tense up as they watched them. She had to make this casual, but she had to say this. She hated that it wasn't easy to just hate someone. Finn was no longer that dull stereotype…. she paused, smirking to himself. Maybe he still was, but still seeing Kurt and his black eye made her pause. She remembered those moments when she scared Rachel. She knew that Finn didn't feel the same way about Kurt as Santana did about Rachel but if it were just a fraction of what Santana felt, she knew that Finn must feel horrible. If he were human, of course, she reminded herself, and that was up for debate.

Santana looked at the ground and then back at the table as she poured herself a glass of water and then reached for a cookie. .

"Why are you here?" she said quietly.

"Why are you?" he asked.

"I saw your brother in hallway," Santana said pointedly as she turned to her. "Why are you here?"

He stood up and looked at her. He knew what he was asking without her having to say every word. He chewed his bottom lip as he shifted his weight. "It was an accident," He stated as he visibly gulped. "I threw something because I was mad. Hit him in the face….." He shrugged. "It was an accident."

Santana watched him. She had never thought she would see him give a sincere apology. "I thought you couldn't be alone with him," she said not meaning to sound mean, but that's how it came out.

"I can't be around him….I wasn't supposed to be, but I was that day. I came home for the trial and it was just a lot you know….It's just a lot…..I ….. I thought that I was an angry person…. I knew that. I just…." He gave a small chuckle. "I couldn't stand him for the longest time. I can't stand him almost every day. … My dad was a jerk and I … I didn't see how angry he was until I … I threw my keys at him, Santana. He has a scratch above his eye and on his cheek bone. I missed his eye by inches… or less than that…. the smaller ones… the the Europeans use."

"Millimeters?" Santana offered .

"Yeah," he replied. "I just… I never …. My mom married Kurt's dad and it was the best thing that could have happened to my mom… but I didn't let myself see it. I just….. I could blinded my brother… and you want to know something worse?" Santana looked at him, shocked by his honesty. "I scared him. I always scare him. My parents won't leave me alone with him…. and they didn't even mean to that time. He … he was trying to be nice to me and I lost it. I ...I lost it. He won't look at me. My mom won't look at me. And now we have to see some chick every week from social services...because Kurt's school saw him with a bruise and they're questioning if my parents can take care of us….. I messed up. I have messed up a lot. I'm sorry for what I did to you. I really am."

Santana rolled her eyes trying to make light of it. "It wasn't like I wasn't mean to you back." She shook her head. "I'm glad you're becoming in touch with your human side again," she said. "'But what you said at the trial has ruined everything. Do you have any idea what you did… what you could do?"

"I'm not a bad person," he muttered. "I just…. I don't …. I was mad at Quinn and…. you… but I …. I didn't believe … I didn't think any of it was real. I thought you were playing the victim but…. I stayed some… after I testified…..I sat in the courtroom." He gulped. "That's why I was so angry that day…. I didn't know, Santana. I didn't know he was going to kill her."

"What….." Santana whispered.

"That's what they said…." Finn said still staring at the dessert. "And it was like …. it was like it hit me in that moment what Quinn must of gone through….what Rachel went through…. and ….. I just...I … You don't think it's real in that moment. You don't want to see the monster inside of you...inside of others. The monsters everywhere. They're there, ya know…." He visibly swallowed. "When I saw the evidence….. The tub and…. the rope and saw…. I think I lost it at the saw…."

Santana could feel her body shaking. "What?"

Finn just continued on obliviously. "I messed up with my brother and I… because I went home after that and I knew that I had said in that courtroom could … make things worse. I took it out on him…"

"You're lying," she shouted. "Shut up. That's not true! Why are you saying this?"

"Santana, what's going on?" Lauren asked approaching the table.

"It's true," Finn said still caught in his own head. "I think…. he could have killed them both. He's that screwed up. You can never tell how screwed up people are you know?"

"Stop! Stop!" Santana shouted.

She was shaking. What was happening? She came over to kind of not really apologize and he was telling her that that bastard not only did what he did to her sisters but was planning to kill them? She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think.

"It's just crazy, you know?" Finn said. He finally looked up. "Santana, you okay?"

I'm sorry that this took so long. Please let me know what you think.