Disclaimer: I do NOT own Dragon Age or anything related to it.
"There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up."
— John Holmes
Chapter 11:All In This Together
The air in the Alienage was anything but fresh, but for many elves it was home, home sweet home no matter how disgusting or smelly it could often be. A wry smile found it's way onto her lips as she took a breath of the nasty air, feeling a rather unusual but not at all unwelcome sense of warmth from her surroundings. The sun shined high in the sky, with no clouds threatening rain or snow to ruin the beautiful day, nor did even the smallest gust of wind blow. For once, it felt nice to thee there. No, not nice. It felt good to be there for the sole reason that it was home sweet home; the only home she'd ever known.
"Cousin." A familiar voice drifted through the air. Zoë knew it all too well yet she still felt suprise when she turned to see Shianni standing right behind her, a bright smile on her face similar to the one she'd worn on the morning of that fateful day. The older elf stared at the redhead in complete and utter silence, unsure of what to say. There was no need, for Shianni soon spoke again, but her voice and face immediately became heavily laced with anger, sadness, and hurt.
"Why didn't you save me?" Shianni demanded in such an icy tone that Zoë jumped back in shock. She blinked, wondering if she had truly heard right. She had. Hot tears began to run down Shianni's cheeks, her green dress turning into the torn one she was wearing right before Vaughan took her and...
"Why didn't you save me?" She repeated as bruises covered her entire face and body. It was a horrific sight for Zoë as the appalling memories began to cloud her mind. She shook her head vehemently in an attempt to rid herself of these odious images that were now running rampant through her head. Shianni grabbed her roughly by the shoulders, giving the elven rogue a violent shake while digging her nails into the skin of Zoë's shoulders, drawing blood. Zoë screamed as Shianni continued to shake her and once again repeated the question that Zoë desperately wished not to hear.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE ME, COUSIN?!"
Zoë bolted upright in her bedroll as she awoke, panting heavily and bathed in cold sweat, shivering. She put her face in her hands, fighting hard not to cry and mentally screaming at herself that crying wouldn't solve anything; it would do nothing but make her seem weak or pathetic and she reminded herself constantly that she was neither of those things.
The dreadful question from her dream rang through her head as she kept on repeating it over and over, trying and failing to find an answer. Why hadn't she saved Shianni? If only she had just been a little bit faster, if only she had just fought harder, if only it had just been her instead of Shianni, then maybe, just maybe, things could have been different and Shianni would be safe, Nola and Nelaros would still be alive, and everyone else who she cared about would be alright.
The elf shut her eyes tightly, then opened them to examine her hands. She'd washed off all the blood from herself and Jade had given her some Dalish armor to wear instead of the blood-soaked wedding dress. She was grateful for the change, but whenever she looked at her hands, all she saw was Vaughan's blood staining them. Vaughan Kendells was a lecherous cad who got what he deserved along with all of his guardsmen but for some reason, Zoë could not stop thinking about their lifeless bodies lying on the cold palace floor and their blood being more than enough to fill at least twenty tubs.
Was this what it felt like to kill someone? Regardless of whether or not they deserved to die? If so, then she wondered if she would ever be able to kill again for whatever reason without feeling so many different emotions at once. The experience was overwhelming, refusing to let the former city elf to find any sleep or peace. It was bad enough she couldn't stop thinking about her mother, who died to protect her and so many other elves from humans just like Vaughan, now she had to keep on reliving the day she'd failed to protect her little cousin too? If the Maker really did exist, then he obviously couldn't care less about the suffering of elves, dwarves, qunari, mages, and humans alike. Andraste was a fool for having placed Her trust in some god who had long since abandoned His people and had gotten exactly what She deserved for Her stupidity.
Zoë groaned miserably as she kicked the covers off and pulled her knees to her chest, knowing that sleep would not be something she'd be getting anytime soon. She looked up suddenly at the sound of someone singing softly in a language she did not understand yet the song itself was a very lovely tune especially for elven ears. Peeking out of her tent, Zoë spotted Jade sitting by the campfire with Valerie, Regina, and Natasha who were all listening in silent awe to the raven-haired huntress's pretty song.
"Hahren na melana sahlin
emma ir abelas
souver'inan isala hamin
vhenan him dor'felas
in uthenera na revas
vir sulahn'nehn
vir dirthera
vir samahl la numin
vir lath sa'ir'vunin."
Jade's voice was audible enough for those around her to hear but quiet enough as to avoid waking up the men. Zoë could tell the song was in Elvish, though the only word she could recognize and translate in the common tongue was 'Hahren' which she knew meant elder, but the rest of the words were a mystery to the city elf. Regardless, she couldn't help but listen to the tune, finding it to be the most euphonious sound she'd ever heard. It brought a small smile to her face despite how sad the song sounded as well. Some might call it bittersweet, which it was truly.
"That was the most beautiful song I've ever heard, Jade." Valerie smiled widely, clapping her hands together lightly in quiet applause.
"Do your people really sing songs like that?" Regina asked.
A sad smile crossed Jade's lips as she nodded."It is a pleasing tune for the ears to hear but at the same time it is also a bit of a sting to the vhenan as it was once sung for those of the Elvhenan who went into uthenera and even though my people still live longer than most, we are no longer immortal and so we now only sing this song when mourning our dead. I thought it would be nice for you to hear since I know you are still mourning over your family, Valerie, and also for the lost souls of Zoë betrothed and childhood friend, but most certainly not for the lecherous shemlen she killed. He deserved his fate without a doubt."
"Vaughan was one of my many suitors, actually." Valerie stated, gently petting a sleeping Leonard on the head."He flirted with me in the most disrespectful way possible and even bragged almost what he did to the city elves. I could've easily gutted him with my dagger right then and there but Leonard bit him hard on the hand when he tried to kiss me and chased him out of the room. Fergus then threatened to kill him if he ever went near me again and both of my parents literally kicked him out of our castle, much to my relief, I might add. I hope it hurt when she killed him."
Zoë lowered her head."It did." She blurted out without realizing it until everyone's eyes landed on her. A brief flash of anger crossed her expression for a moment as she recalled everything that had just several hours ago."I made sure of that."
"Looks like we're not the only ones who couldn't get any sleep." Natasha remarked wryly.
"I thought I heard someone kicking around and muttering in their sleep." Jade said with a small smile as she beckoned the other elf closer."Come, join us by the fire if you cannot sleep, lethallan. All five of us seem to have much on our minds at the moment."
"You got that right." Regina murmured.
"I, for one, am wondering what it's actually going to be like fighting the darkspawn when we become Grey Wardens." Natasha said, crossing her arms.
"Tamlen and I fought a few darkspawn in the cave where we found the mirror," Jade said thoughtfully,", but most of them were animals. I am also quite curious about what a regular darkspawn might look like. Duncan still refuses to give me or Tamlen any details about how joining the Grey Wardens will cure us of the taint and even I cannot help but feel the need to question his secrecy."
Valerie inclined her head."Once we reach Ostagar, maybe he'll start telling us more about the Grey Wardens and why so such secrecy is involved when joining them." Jade nodded in agreement.
"I hope so." Zoë said with a sigh."If circumstances were slightly different about twenty years ago and HahrenValendrian hadn't talked Duncan out of it, my mother would have probably been the one to join the Grey Wardens instead of me."
"Duncan mentioned something about Adaia dying while protecting you and your neighbors." Regina said with frown."Is that true?"
Zoë smiled sadly and nodded."I have nightmares about it sometimes, actually."
"Ir abelas." Jade whispered, placing a hand on Zoë's shoulder."May the Dread Wolf never find her. I'm sure she would have been very proud of you right now."
"That's what my father said too." Zoë said quietly before looking up at the huntress with a grateful smile that was hesitantly returned."I think both of you are right."
"Um, Jade," Regina said rather hesitantly,", that song you were just singing for us. What do the lyrics mean in the common tongue?"
Jade pressed her lips together."I am afraid I do not know, lethallan. Both your people and my people have lost much of our lore and despite what we have found over the years, there are some things we might never discover, or at least until several more decades or centuries have passed. From what I was told as a da'len, only the gisir and hahren'en of our clan know the translation for this particular tune and others like it, but as I said earlier there is still much more to be found in order for our people to finally fully regain what we have lost because of the shemlen." She nodded at Valerie and Natasha."My apologies if I have offended either of you with my choice of words. I hold no bitterness toward you for what your ancestors might or might not have done in the past, but as your people are quiet fond of saying, old habits die hard.
"No need to apologize, Jade, it's perfectly understandable given the conflicts between your people and mine." Valerie assured her with a small smile.
"At least your people don't imprison your mages." Natasha said bitterly."My people's stupid Chantry teaches us to fear our magic whereas your people are led by what the Circle likes to call apostates."
"It's a lot worse in the Alienage, trust me." Zoë huffed.
"Yes," Jade agreed,", Pol mentioned how difficult the city elves have it if they are unable to find work as servants for the shemlen or any other decent job."
Zoë's head snapped up."You know Pol?"
"Indeed. He found my clan a good few weeks ago after escaping being hanged for picking a guard's pocket while being slightly inebriated after the recent death of his mother. One of my fellow hunters, Junar, was tasked by the keeper to train him in archery and hunting. I have yet the chance to hunt with him, but Junar says he is a very quick learner and capable of pulling his own weight around like any other Elvhen hunter should."
"Well, if I ever see my family again, I'll be sure to tell Soris that he owes me a great deal of coin now that I've won the bet."
Jade smiled, though the smile quickly vanished as she unconsiously started playing with a small necklace clasped around her neck. Zoë had to lean in slightly to see properly the carved shape of the sun in the middle of the necklace along with several carvings of clouds and birds surrounding it. The trinket itself looked as if it had been carved by a very talented Dalish craftsman a long time ago. It was obvious due to the distant look in Jade's light blue eyes that she was in deep thought and that whoever had given her this necklace must have been someone who loved her dearly.
"It was my father's in case you were wondering." Zoë snapped back to reality at the sound of Jade's soft voice as she smiled sadly at the former city elf while continuing to play with the necklace."My foster mother, Ashalle, gave it to me a few years ago when she felt I was old enough to have it."
"What was he like?" Regina queried softly.
"A lot like me, I'm told." She replied."Kind, merciful, wise, friendly, would have done anything for his people, wanted nothing more than for humans and elves to finally be able to find peace one day and put our differences aside for the sake of peace. He was the keeper of my clan for a very long time before his First and my current keeper Marethari took over several years ago."
Zoë hesitated."What happened to him?"
Jade closed her eyes tightly."He died." She whispered."He was killed by humans and city elves before I was born." She quickly wiped away a small tear from one of her eyes and mumbled something about wanting to turn in for the night now before standing up and heading toward her tent, trying to ignore the feeling of the other four women staring sadly after her as she walked away. Uncomfortable silence settled between the remaining women until Valerie finally broke it.
"I guess she was right about one thing." The blonde sighed quietly."At least my parents were there to raise me."
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Elven Translations:
Gisir - Keeper
Hahren/Hahren'en - Elder/Elders
Shems/Shemlen - Humans
Lethallan - (Female) Friend/Kinswoman
Da'len - Little child; to describe someone young, innocent, or dear.
Elvhen - (Literally: Our people) Elven name for their own race.
Uthenera - (Literally: Eternal waking dream) Waking sleep, immortal
Ir abelas - I'm sorry
Lyrics to the Elvish Eulogy:
Elvish:
"Hahren na melana sahlin
emma ir abelas
souver'inan isala hamin
vhenan him dor'felas
in uthenera na revas
vir sulahn'nehn
vir dirthera
vir samahl la numin
vir lath sa'vunin."
English:
"Elder your time is come
now I am filled with sorrow
weary eyes need resting
heart has become grey and slow
in waking sleep is freedom
we sing, rejoice
we tell the tales
we laugh and cry
we love one more day."
Next up: Chapter 12:Ostagar