Open Wounds

by 216BLT

AU: The past is the past. Puck, Santana, & Rachel Corcoran have moved on from theirs, but when their mother decides to take in a teen, old memories resurface. Also, new scars are made as they navigate through adolescence, ones that might not heal.

70. Chapter 70

Goofy – Thank you for your review. There have been a couple of flashbacks when Rachel was just a baby but I think I can add a few more. I will try and see where it fits because you are right if San had to share Daddy she would have been jealous quite a few times. If I can't get it in this story it maybe in the sequel. Thank you for supporting and reviewing the story.

Sasha – Thank you for the review. Noah does not blame the things that happen to Rachel on Santana. However, he gets frustrated with Santana because of some of her reactions to situations that has negative effects on Rachel just as he blames himself for how his reactions sometime effect Rachel. I think Santana has had plenty of outbursts but I think for anyone to really get how Santana feels it is going to come from Santana actually not throwing a fit but through more therapy she is learning to control the outbursts and put her feelings into words. Again, thanks for reviewing.

LuLu – Thanks for the review. I can tell that you find Rachel annoying. Trust me all of the family members find Rachel annoying at different times. But this is their sibling, cousin, niece, daughter so as much as they find her annoying they protect her with their lives. Even with my siblings – yes sometimes they are very annoying and I don't want to be around them and they seem to be getting all the attention but that happens in families. Right now the crisis has been on Rachel as well as Quinn but San knows that she can go to Joey anytime. Unfortunately the baby of the family always seems to get the most attention. I am sorry if you don't think I have treated the others fairly, I hope you are still enjoying the story and I thank you for your insight and your review.

Guest- Thank you for reviewing. Santana thought she would get something out of it but you are right while it did bring up things for her – there was no closure for her. Thank you for your thoughts on Brittany. I see where you are coming from and I am always happy for people to share their thoughts. I am not sure what I am going to do with Brittany and Santana, there is so much that has to happen for it to become a healthy relationship and I know for sure that neither of them are ready for it. Brittany will always have a place with this family. Again, I am happy you shared your thoughts with me and so very thankful for your review.

Guest – I will not have Santana do boxing. She does need an outlet and I have something in mind but it is not boxing. Thanks for the reviews.

Guest - I am going to assume this is the same guest reviewing but I am not entirely sure since it is under an anon account – I will try and address some of the comments and I want to thank you for reviewing in such detail. While I agree with you that Rachel does get a lot of the attention from this family, I have tried to show how each of the family members react to what has happened to everyone in different ways. Rachel is the baby of the family and with many families the baby tends to get a lot of attention from everyone. Santana's personality has been to always put herself last over everyone else when it comes to emotions. Is it right? No, but I will be addressing that. Are they all treated the same way? No, because they will all have different reactions to the same circumstances. Was Santana's therapy the same as Rachel's? No, Santana was older when things happened to her, the same way that Quinn was older when stuff happened so her reactions are completely different. This family is far from a perfect family. All of the characters are flawed in some way as is life. I am sorry that you feel that Santana is slighted compared to the rest of them. I try to convey everyone's reactions based on their personalities, their ages, their trauma's, their pasts etc. I hope you will continue reading the story and its sequel but I completely understand if you do not. I often read stories that I started out loving but for whatever reason whether its something that one character does that I can't picture or one character seems to be favored over another I start to dislike the story and I stop reading. While I value all my readers and love to hear their thoughts I certainly understand that this story and this family is not for everyone. I thank you for the time and effort you put into reviewing my story.

To the many Guests who have asked me to update – I am so terribly sorry that you had to wait a year for an update. I could give out lots of excuses and while some maybe legit – it is still wrong to make my loyal, faithful readers wait so long. My sincere apologies. Your support has finally kicked my butt and I promise that I will finish this story.

IheartSantanalopez – Haha I had to look to see which chapter you were referring to. Great job if you knew. Thanks so much for your review.

Gleegirl913 – It always makes me so happy that people read this story but I get even happier that people reread this story. Thank you so much for the review and continued support and I am extremely embarrassed with how long this chapter has taken me and my beta posted.

Get lutz merrygold – Puck is a great and protective older brother. I don't know if he will have any fights with anyone because he knows how wrong fighting is and how much trouble he has gotten into in the past for doing just that. Quinn and Puck will bond more but it will never be anything but brother and sister bonding. Thanks so much for your review and I hope you like the direction I take with Puck in the upcoming chapters and in the sequel.

Guest – sorry I made you worry anon. Everything is good just life took over for a while. Job changes, moving, career change but I have never given up on this family and I am even more determined to finish this and write the sequel, I just hope people will still follow it.

Guest – Thank you for sticking with the story and I totally understand not being able to follow it because of the length in time between updates. I can never promise when the updates will come but I hope to all that is holy that this is the longest stretch of time between them.

Sophiapowerxox – I am so very happy you love this story. I hope I have not lost you as a fan because of the lack of updates. Thank you for reviewing.

Guest – Reading this story in just 2 days is very impressive! I am sorry for the lack of updates. I hope you enjoy this chapter. – Thanks for the review.

Guest – Wow – so kind, I am humbled. Thank you so much!

Nicolene B – Thank you for the review and kind words. It is actually quite the novel. I have had thoughts about changing the names and trying to publish it but I am not sure if it would actually get published or people would read it.

Ilachian – Wow I am glad you are enjoying it and while some of it feels like ending and new beginnings that's exactly where I have been going. I am not sure all of them are there yet but they are starting. I hope you will continue with me when I publish the sequel. I like some of your conclusions and I am hoping you come with me on this family's journey. Thank you for the review and I hope you like this chapter.

Progpoet – This is a labor of love for both me and my beta. We have talked, commiserated, dreamt about this story more than anything else going on in our lives I think. This family is so dear to us that neither of us can watch Glee without thinking "that's not right, they aren't in the same grade". I know my beta can't ever look at Will the same way again. Thank you so much for the review and I hope you can continue on this journey with us.

HannahWilliam33 – I am happy you loved the update and I apologize for the delay in this one! Thank you for reviewing.

Trinity E – I can't thank you enough for reviewing this story. I don't think Santana is going to get into boxing because I don't want to mess up her beautiful face but she will need to get her issues and excess energy out another way and I don't have something in mind for that. I am so happy that you have enjoyed this story and I thank you for coming on this journey with me.

Love Sock Monkeys – I am so happy that you love my Quinn. My beta really helps me channel her and I am very happy with how she is maturing. I am also glad you are enjoying the way Shelby is portrayed. In so many stories, including my other one, she is portrayed as a not so good mom. I didn't really see her that way, especially how she sought out Rachel and I thought it was dumb how one conversation with Will and she was out of the picture immediately. Santana shatters my heart constantly, she struggles so much but I think it is now time for her to move on a little. I hope you enjoy where I take the characters next. Thank you for the review.

Alese222 - I am happy that you squealed for the last update but I am afraid of what you are going to do now that I have finally updated! I am so glad you enjoyed those moments in the chapter. Quinn does have a zoning out issue and it does need to be addressed. Rachel will slowly but surely get back into the stuff she once loved. I can tell you that there will be no TV in their bedroom – that's for sure. Shelby would never agree to that and the girls will learn to cope sleeping alone again. Thanks so much for reviewing!

Troyella2468 - Thank you !

Roro – I hope you still think so after this very long pause in the story! Britt and San have a long journey ahead of them and I will make sure if it is right for the both of them to stay together. Thank you so much for reviewing.

Neveryoumind - Thank you so much

Rizzlescolzonafic – The book! Rachel does want to learn and so does Quinn. There is so much Rachel doesn't know about her own family. Both her and Quinn cant really seem to be able to ask the family directly because they know they may not get an honest response. However, learning it from a book ? Not sure if that is the best way to go – we shall see. The additional freedom for all of the kids is going to be tough for at least 1 of them. They may not all be seeking it and that is something that they can only learn when they are allowed to try it. I love long reviews and it tells me how much people are vested in my story. I cant apologize enough for making people wait this long for the update and I only hope I haven't lost all my loyal followers. Thank you so much for the review!

Kstoryteller – Well if you were excited last time you might faint this time. I am hoping this one flows as nicely as the rest of them. Thank you for your never-ending patience and dedication to reading this story.

MusicBaby1013 – Thank you so much! Wow an inspiration – that's a lot to live up to. I am still writing this story even though it took me a year to get this chapter out. My beta and I seriously talk about this EVERY day. We work on it even without posting it. Its finding the time to write it and tweek it that has become our greatest challenge. Thank you again for reviewing.

JWilson18 – Santana is starting to move on – Yay – tiny steps but yet big ones. Rachel is moving on as well. Thank you for reviewing.

Sarge362 – Sorry for making you cry but I am glad you are enjoying the story. Brittany and Santana's relationship needs a lot of work but now that Santana has taken the step to move forward we can all watch where this goes. They are young – very young so if they grow together that is great but I want to make sure it is right for the both of them. I'm sorry for the wait and Changes in Tides is right now on hiatus for the foreseeable future unfortunately. Thank you for sticking with me and for reviewing the story.

Jinxgirl –Not dead just hanging on – I am dedicated to finishing this story! There will also be a sequel but I am doing my best to end this story in the right spot. Thank you so much for reviewing.

We love us - I think Rachel's mind already knows it just a matter if it will ever come out. Thanks for the review.

Roald dahling – Wow I am overwhelmed with your review. I can't express the joy I feel to know that this story has helped even one reader feel differently. I again apologize for the lack of time between this chapter and the last chapter. It was never my intention or my beta's intention to ever make our readers wait this long between chapters. We used to get a chapter out every week or every other week and now a whole year. Gosh, that is horrible. I hope you enjoy this chapter and again I am humbled by your kind words.

Guest – sorry to hear that

Zuperkt - She is my beta's favorite too! Thank you so much ! I watch Grey's while writing for inspiration. It helps me to get into the mindset because I feel Grey's is written so well. I hope you like where we take this family. We will be finishing out this story and moving on to the sequel soon and we already have some of the journey written! Thanks for your review and your support.

Bridz87- I hope you are still with me! Thank you for taking the time to review. I can't say sorry enough for making you wait so long for the update.

TommyH – Thank you

Guest – Thank you I hope you like this chapter as well.

Gleekluver1 – I miss this family too. Thank you for sticking with me. I hope you enjoy the next chapter.

Lemon-rind – Britt will make her way back. They are both teenagers who have been through so much. Thank you for reviewing.

Filmaddict – Thank you so much. I am so happy you like the way the story is going. I am doing a sequel as well and I am in the process of deciding where this story will end and the sequel will begin. I am honored by your words, they mean a lot to me. Thank you for reviewing and I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

Blueashke – 5 months was nothing and I'm embarrassed and sorry that a year has passed. Thank you for always waiting. My beta and I have promised each other that we will not wait this long again. Thank you for reviewing!

Goddragonking- Thank you for the review. I am very happy that you are enjoying this. Sorry for the delay!

Chapter 70

Santana wasn't sure how long they watched balloon float away. She caught herself searching for which space in the sky that the balloon disappeared into. She had spent her whole life holding her father too close refusing to loosen her grip. Now that she had, she couldn't see him in the sky anymore. While a part of her felt relieved, another felt strangely empty. She had never willfully said goodbye to anyone before this moment and she couldn't decipher her feelings around it.

She stood up from the arms of that held her. The ache had past and she was empty of all of her tears. There was nothing left to do but stand up.

"Santana?"

She shook her head. "I'm … Can we go now?" She snuck a look at Gretchen. "Can… can I walk with you back to the car?"

She could tell that the woman was trying to conceal her surprise at Santana's invitation to talk. Santana also pretended that she didn't see her mother's baffled astonishment. She waited by the spot until the rest of her family started to disperse toward the cars.

"You wanted to talk to me," Gretchen began, knowing that Santana always needed a little push to start the conversation.

The girl nodded. "I …. I think this helped but I also…. I don't know …. maybe it didn't."

"Why do you say that?"

She shook her head. "I…..I changed pieces of myself without intending to so I didn't lose him…. or let…. let him … the monster... win," she mumbled. She wasn't sure if Gretchen realized she was talking about two different people. "Even though that wasn't good…. by saying goodbye those pieces of me shifted…. I dont know… maybe they just left? It's like they lost their meaning. It's… like Jenga…. Maybe...Maybe not…. I moved too fast and the pieces fell." She looked up carefully. "Does that make sense?"

Gretchen nodded. "It certainly does."

She looked down at her hands and continued with a whisper, "I don't know how to not to wish that he was here….. I'm afraid that I'm…. I'm now okay that he's … really gone." She couldn't find any of her words.

The woman nodded. "Sometimes that doesn't go away, that part of you that misses him. When you lose someone, you do learn to cope in different ways…. to survive. I think that's what you did." She exhaled deeply. "Now you have a challenge."

"What's that?"

"Figuring out how you're going to move forward. What kind of person you're going to become."

Santana shook her head. "You and I both know that I can't simply decide that. There are too many other influences. There are too many other things that can go wrong."

"You can't control that," she said gently.

"I'm well aware," Santana mumbled. Shaking her head trying not to focus on the reality of her past. "Where do I go from here?"

"Forward," Gretchen said.

"How?"

"Well, we try with school. We re-ignite that passion within you, but it all depends on the effort that you invest," Gretchen said.

"What if I forget him? What if I become a worse person?"

"You can endlessly ask What-ifs," she told her. "You don't have to know where you're going, Santana. You just have to make attempts to take steps forward."

….

Quinn stared at herself in the mirror. They had all been home for a few hours. She had therapy. Her mother had scolded her for leaving a slice of leftover pizza in the toaster oven for twenty minutes, burning it in the process. Overall, it had been a productive morning. However, in therapy Gretchen kept suggesting to her different ways to move on. Quinn then had a discussion that presented itself more like an argument than a discussion about how Quinn had to change. Gretchen assured her that she wasn't asking Quinn to change, but she didn't believe the woman. Moving on felt so cliche. If felt like a movie that had been stuck on one endless loop of scenes to suddenly change into progress.

Then in one moment, it clicked. And it punched her so deep in the gut she thought she was going to throw up.

Noah, Santana and, Rachel had something she didn't have. They all had a past - a concrete picture - that they could return to, a starting point. They had a base, a foundation, to work back toward again. Quinn had nothing. She had to start from scratch. They wanted to revitalize themselves, but Quinn had no direction.

She narrowed her eyes as she continued to mull over the situation. The world was her oyster and Quinn hated oysters.

She caught sight of her hair and tilted her head as she ran her hands through it delicately. The blonde hair had always been her trade mark next to her porcelain looks. For so long she had been grateful for it because it allowed her to blend in more easily. In her head, she had developed a stereotype that other kids that were in situations like her were dirty and unkept. She had convinced herself that if she maintained her appearance, no one would ever notice that something was wrong.

She looked down at her outfit; she was wearing a dress as always. The primary reason was that she only owned a handful of jeans. Her father and mother never believed in them so when she finally had an opportunity to make wear them in high school, they felt foreign. Plus they had been at a funeral… or … balloon ceremony… She wasn't sure what to call it. Either way, a dress felt appropriate.

She unzipped her dress and hung it up. She stood on the stool that Rachel had in the bathroom and looked at the tattoo on her hip. She caught a glance of the faded scars on her back and bit her side lip.

Maybe it was time for a change.

A knocked interrupted her thoughts.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked from the other side of the door.

"Nothing, go away."

"You've been in there for a long time," Rachel said.

"Go. Away," she said through clenched teeth.

Rachel sighed heavily. "Mom said-"

"Rachel, you're being annoying," Quinn said pulling on her dress and yanking open the door.

The eleven year old stared at her with a frown. "What were you doing?"

Quinn shook her head. "Mind your business."

Rachel followed her down the back stairs into the mud room.

"I'm going out," Quinn said as she pulled on her coat.

"Where?" Rachel asked with a tilt of her head.

"Yes, where?" Shelby's voice rang through the kitchen and she came into the room and leaned against the door frame.

"I'm just going to run an errand," Quinn said as she buttoned her coat.

"And that is?" her mother asked.

"I'm… going to the salon," she said quietly.

Rachel frowned. "Why?"

"Yeah, and why didn't you invite me?" Santana asked, making Quinn feel even more cramped in the mudroom.

"I just didn't," she frowned. "Plus… I just… I need a trim and … I don't need anyone needs to come with me." She looked at Gretchen, who she didn't realize was still there. "She told me I have to do things alone…."

"That's not exactly what I said," Gretchen said. "Not actually alone, but at the same time I think it would be good."

"Why are you still here anyway?" Santana asked, earning a slight shove from Rachel.

"I'm just wrapping up," the woman said.

"Enough, San," Shelby frowned.

"So…. Can I … go?" Quinn asked.

Shelby chuckled. "Oh you're asking now?" She gave a sigh and exchanged a glance with Gretchen. "Be back by dinner."

"Dinner?" Santana asked incredulously. "That's like hours!"

"She's just getting a trim. Plus, you don't know if she'll change her mind." Shelby gave her a wink. "Maybe she might want to get something else done."

Quinn grabbed the keys. "Bye."

"No texting and driving!" Shelby called out.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Who am I going to text?" The blonde stopped at the door and stared at the keys in her hand.

Santana paused and grabbed them from Quinn's hands. She knew very well that the last time that Quinn drove the day didn't end well. Even on that one occasion when they had run out of milk and Quinn had offered to go pick it up, she had Santana drive. The brunette knew well enough that Quinn wouldn't ask for help and therefore, she had to take the initiative.

"She can go?" Rachel asked, baffled. How did they go from a family that never left the house to a family that did?

"You can't drive," Santana frowned at the younger girl. "Plus I need to tag along make sure that she doesn't do anything crazy."

"She would do it anyway," Rachel muttered as she looked up at her mother.

"Do you have money?" Shelby asked.

"We have all of that allowance we never spend," Santana chuckled as she pulled Quinn toward the door.

"Hold on!" the mother called. She ran over to her purse on the counter and pulled out a credit card. Santana reached for it lustfully. Shelby pulled it back with a small bark. "Hey! Only for emergencies. I mean it, San!"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Emergencies. Got it!"

"Drive safely," Shelby nodded casually even though so many strides were being made in that moment that she felt as if fireworks were going off. They were so brilliant through that they went unnoticed.

…

Noah strummed the guitar strings. He hummed the matching tune.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked from the doorway.

"Just fiddling," he shrugged. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for something…" she muttered as she scanned the room.

"Need help?"

"No," she mumbled as she checked under Noah's bed and then retracted and sat back on her heels with a disgusted glare. "Noah….. the things underneath your bed smell like moldy armpits."

"Gee….. thanks, Rach."

"I'll grab the Lysol wipes and the Swifer," she said as she walked toward the door.

"Hey, hey," Noah said setting his guitar down and scooping Rachel up. "Mind your business." Rachel rolled her eyes. "What are you looking for?"

She pursed her lips together thoughtfully and arched her brow. "How is cleaning up for you minding my business?"

"Rachel," he warned.

She sighed and continued her search with one hand while the other plugged her nose.

"You sure that you don't need help?" he chuckled as he stared at her legs peeking out from beneath the bed.

"Ha!" she said with a grin as she retreated from under the bed with an iPad cord in hand. "Found it." She tilted her head at Noah's curiously arched brow. "I'm watching something. It's a dance I'm working on in the studio you built me."

"Good," he grinned with a sigh, wondering what she really wanted.

"You didn't have to that for me, you know," she said quietly.

"I know," he shrugged.

She frowned. "Are you going to sing something?"

"No," he said. "I'm tuning it for San. She wanted it for something …. "

"Are you going to bring it with you?" Rachel asked.

"Bring it with me?" He laughed. "Where am I going?"

"You're going to school soon," she told him resolutely.

"Rach… it's not even spring," he laughed.

"I know," she mumbled. "It takes me awhile to get used to things…. I'm… I'm getting used to it."

He gave a small smile and exhaled. "I bet you and I will have tons of Skype dates. Soon you'll be so busy you won't even want to talk to me."

Rachel giggled. "That's not true. I'll always want to talk to you." She paused thoughtfully. before she began again. "Were you…. Do you feel better now that we … said goodbye?"

He frowned and paused for a moment. Then a look of understanding graced his features. "Oh… you mean for San?"

"No… I mean for you…Did you feel any different?"

"Kinda…. I guess," he shrugged. "In a lot of ways though… I already wrestled with those demons. San's just… just now willing to really fight with them." He looked down at his hands. "She's been…. dodging them for years."

"... You did too," Rachel pointed out after a beat.

"... But when I went away, Rach, a little while ago. Things… with Dad at least…. they healed a little better. I was …." He sighed and looked down at her. "Sometimes you have to come apart before you're put back together."

Rachel's brows knitted and she looked up at him. She held his gaze for a moment before looking away. She tilted her head to the side. "How do you know?"

"Know what?"

"That you've come apart…."

Noah exhaled deeply. "You just… you do…."

She frowned. "Do you just know until something worse happens though? …. How do you know you've ready the worst?"

He looked at her you. "You don't." He sighed. "Rach, I just… I just realized … recently even… that I can spend my life…. waiting for all the crappy shit to stop-"

"Don't swear."

He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

"But I don't," she replied.

"We have to decide who we want to be next because we want it …. not because we're afraid of what might happen," he said.

Rachel put her hand on his forehead. "Are you sick? You don't sound like my brother."

He hooked her in his arms and began to tickle her. "I don't sound like your brother, huh?"

She squealed in delight with a hearty laugh. Noah stops and she allows her laughter to vibrate out of her body. "Promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Don't change, okay?" she looked at him honestly.

He grinned. "We'll all change, bug. You'll probably change the most." Rachel glared at him. "Hey now, don't look at me like that. We have to change, but I will tell you what. I promise I will always change with you." He offered her a wink and a smile. "It will almost be like we didn't change at all."

….

Santana sighed as she pulled into parking space in the shopping center and put the car in park suddenly, causing Quinn to lurch forward.

"Asshole," Quinn mumbled.

Santana only smirked in response. She settled her face after a second and her eyes set seriously. "Are you going to tell me what you're doing?"

Quinn looked at her with an arch of her brow. "Why are you worried?" She gave a cheshire cat grin.

"Are you going to shave your head?" Santana asked flatly.

Quinn frowned. "No! And I'm offended that you even suggested that." She popped open the door with a shake of her head.

"You have a tattoo of Simba," Santana said flatly. "It's a reasonable question."

Quinn grabbed her bag with a huff. "It's not Simba! I'll text you when I'm done."

"Hey!" Santana called out. "Whatever you do, try not to go crazy."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "I'm not crazy….." She paused after some consideration. "Anymore."

"Sure, you're not," Santana said as she watched Quinn disappear into the salon.

Santana narrowed her eyes and watched Quinn disappear into the salon. She chewed her lip and sighed as her eyes scanned the shopping center. She put the car back into gear after she chose to allow the fun to pop out to her organically. She couldn't remember the last time that she had had this kind of freedom, or any freedom at that matter. It wasn't until she was driving at this moment that she realized that she had had access to freedom for awhile now, but she had never had the motivation to leave and that scared her. She had become too comfortable with the couch …. she had become too comfortable sitting still and it felt so unnatural but it was so dormant for so long she felt like she was just starting to feel the emptiness. She pulled over into a parking space and threw the car into park again.

She set down her phone and leaned back in the driver's seat, closing her eyes. Ever since she had been little she had been told to take a deep breath. When she was able to conquer up the patience to take a deep inhale, she felt a relief like no other one that made her feel grounded and soar all at the same time. She couldn't just silence her feelings, but honestly in that moment she didn't really know what she was feeling at all. So much and so little had squeezed her eyes and took a breath in.

HONK!

She looked up and watched as a woman in a Jetta beeped her care to another in front of her. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. Her eyes focused on what was just a few stores down from where she was parked. Her lips flattened to a smirk when she saw one of the store fronts. Petco.

It didn't take her long to find a boost of energy by wandering down the aisles of Petco with care to look at each item.

Her father once promised the family a pet but her mother had scolded and lectured them back into reality. To compensate, on their walks home from the studio, he would let her stop at the local pet store. She gave a little chuckle and scoff to herself. She hadn't allowed herself to think about those moments in years.

She lowered her gaze and peered into the glass cages of the reptile section.

She always wondered how the animals had ventilation in there but she assumed the primary reason for the glass was so mutant children couldn't poke their knobby fingers in, get their fingers bitten off and then sue the pet store. Touche, pet store, Santana thought to herself.

"Lizards, ewww," she muttered to herself as she watched a pair of green lizards pull apart a cricket.

She leaned down and looked at the turles below the lizard. She tilted her head. Turtles were so interesting but all she could hear in her head were Rachel's facts from her school report last year about how they carried diseases.

She turned around and caught sight of a pair of guinea pigs. She crunched her nose. "You are ugly as hell."

A commotion behind her distracted her behind her. There were yells from adults, dog barks, and shrieks from small children.

"Oh Jesus," she mumbled and peaked around the corner. There were several bins of dogs surrounded by screaming children. There were children everywhere and she hadn't remembered how crowded it was when she meandered in.

"All associates please report to the front," the loudspeaker announced in a nervous, shaky voice.

Santana's eyes darted nonchalantly at the chaos ensued in front of here. She caught sight of the balloons and banners throughout the store that she had clearly missed when the came in. "ADOPTION DAY!" they screamed. She watched a as a handful of older kids barely older than Rachel giggle pasts her. She rolled her eyes, inferring that they had opened the cages.

She was immediately distracted of a Terrier? puppy of some type ran passed with his tongue out and his eyes wide with glee. the dog wove in and out of the displays in the middle of the aisles as the young employees ran after the tiny pup with frustration and over exercian. She arched her eyebrow and smirked.

"No, Sanders! No!" the employee yelled. Santana could tell that the man had had a had day and was at his wit's end.

Her smile fade slightly as she watched the dog lower its shoulders and put his wagging tail with its ass in the air. The dog was antagonizing the people who were chasing him and right as two employees had him in arm's reach, he sprinted another direction. Her lips curled up again. Sanders, she laughed her herself.

Leroy Corcoran cradled the football in his left arm.

"Okay its up to you, Taz - 30 seconds left, we are down by 5 we need a touchdown in the worst way - get ready I am going to punt the ball to you," Leroy announced with a dramatic flare.

Six year old Santana titled her head up with confidence. Her father and her were playing her brother and she was sure that they were going to win.

"No problem Daddy, I will catch and Noah will never even have a chance to grab me!" she whispered loudly.

"Not a chance, San?" eight year old Noah asked with a roll of his eyes.

"Noah, you can't touch her until she catches it" Leroy said. He grab the ball and dropped it on his foot and punted the ball very lightly so San had a chance to catch it.

Leroy watched as Santana placed herself right under the ball and grabbed it out of the air. Noah waited until she caught it and ran full steam ahead to grab his sister down to the ground. Just as he reached out to grab her she dodged to the right and held the ball out in one hand and laughed the entire way. Noah looked up to see her high stepping into the endzone backwards pointing the ball out at him yelling, "Primetime strikes again!" Noah shook his head in frustration.

Leroy was amazed and he laughed as he arched his brow with amusement. He didn't really think that Santana payed that much attention to the game when they watched and here she was mimicking one of the best punt returners, Deion Sanders, "Primetime", in the game. Santana always took pride in being the better than her brother and even more seeing her father's pride. It wasn't that it was rare, but bringing him joy had always brought a sense of accomplishment and she never wanted to stop. She danced in with the ball and let out a laugh. She never wanted any of it to end.

Santana hadn't tossed around a football since and she hadn't heard that name since then. . She had barely remembered that. Her brother had been more into hockey because Santana's skating skills were much less advanced as her brother's and as a result she couldn't outrun him like she could on the field. Her mother hadn't really taken her out to play after all that happened. She frowned. The only thing that she had liked about cheerleading was the occasional running, but more importantly she had been attracted to the cheerleaders' perks. She had been attracted to the instant armor that it gave her. However, in this moment she couldn't find the motivation or even the want to have it again. She wanted that feeling that she had when she had scored a touchdown, when she was running so fast that no one could catch her.

She felt a furry body wrap itself around her leg. She looked down and scooped him up. "Hey ,trouble," she smirked and cradled her in her arms.

"Thanks," the attendant said holding his hands out to take the dog.

Santana just tilted her head to the side as if the person was joking. She glanced down at the puppy who stared back her with an arched brow.

The teenage employee stood and giving her an up down. "Hey, I know you. You go to McKinley." He nodded with a goofy grin. "You're -"

"Ya' don't know me. Trust me," she said shortly. She didn't need to be bothered by someone who believed the tough facade she used to wear so proudly.

The teen opened his mouth to say something but then Santana glared at him harder and almost barked when he reached out for the dog again.

"Knock it off," she scolded, holding onto the end of the broom keeping it from moving. He frowned and stood up. "Go find something better to do."

The kid shrugged and shook his head and walked away.

She walked toward the front with the pup in the crook of her arm. She watched as the small dogs were herded into cages. She couldn't gather all of the facts that Rachel had told her over the years about puppies. Her obnoxious sister was like a walking encyclopedia. She wished that she had listened.

"You can put that pup down there," a cashier told her.

Santana carried the pup to the cage and glanced on the informational flyer above it. She unconsciously pulled the tiny dog closer to her as she read.

Sanders was found about almost a half mile away from his mom soon after their owner had died unexpectedly. Even though Sanders was the runt of the litter, he was the only pup to survive. He lived with his mother and siblings with an elderly couple. Sanders has a habit of wandering off. He loves children and other dogs. Sanders is shy at first but energetic once you get to know him. We estimate that Sanders is about two months old. Please ask us for more information!

Santana looked down at Sanders and he stared back her. These last few months have been hell. Sanders, she said shaking her head. Primetime was a football player that her father adored and it hadn't been until she watched old film clips that she realized how talented he had been. She had taken so much pride in the face that her father had believed that much in her. The dog looked up again with curious eyebrows arching with ease.

"Make attempts to take steps forward," Santana thought to herself, repeating Gretchen's words. She tucked Sanders, who she had now officially and silently renamed Primetime, under her arm and walked briskly down the aisle. She blinked a few times and chewed her lip with indecision. She pulled her phone out of her pocket.

It rang once.

"What happened?" Joey asked on the other end without even saying hello.

"Are you with Mom?"

"... No…." she said carefully. "...Where are you?"

"...Um….. Just browsing while Q's at the salon…" Santana said.

Santana could practically hear her aunt squint her eyes skeptically. "What are you actually doing?"

"I'm moving forward," Santana said quietly.

"And how exactly is that?"

"Remember when we were little and we used to play football?"

"And your father called you Primetime?" Joey answered, always knowing most of the answers to Santana's questions.

"Yeah, well I…." She paused and looked down at the dog. "Gretchen told us that we had to move forward soooooo I um…."

"Okay, Rachel…Get to the point,." Joey said with a chuckle.

"It's Adoption Day at Petco."

Joey paused. This wasn't the typical Santana. "I'm assuming this is a dog?"

"Yes and I need to know what I need to get," Santana said pretending to be casual.

Joey sighed on the other end. "Your mother is going to kill you."

Santana shrugged. "It's been a shitty day… and I …. I'm finally getting out of this… I don't know... rut, I guess."

Joey remained silent on the other end. She understood that Santana was finally forcing herself to wake from the self induced coma that she put herself in. "You're not going to be able to use this excuse again, kiddo," she told her playfully. "And I do not want to hear you moan when that animal becomes pesky and animal-like."

Santana rolled her eyes. "Do you think Mom will make you me bring him back?"

"I don't know, but I will bring some supplies by the house and leave them on the porch. I am not going to be around to watch the yelling match." Joey chuckled. "San, are you sure that Buster is what you need now?"

"Primetime," Santana corrected her quietly. She looked down at the dog and felt her chest swell with something that she couldn't describe. She didn't feel like herself and she felt more at home than she had in forever. She was conflicted in so many different ways. There was no way that she could articulate it.

"Okay," she heard Joey say on the other end with a shake of her head. "Go with your gut, San. Buy Primetime a leash and I'll be over with food and a few other things. Start training that thing as soon as you get home."

"How?"

"You remember how we trained the dogs. I'll send you a link." Joey said. "Text me later."

Santana pulled the phone from her ear and looked down at the dog with a sigh.

"Let's go," she muttered to herself.

She grabbed a bag of treats, a leash and a harness and headed for the check out. She dumped the items haphazardly on the conveyer belt.

"Oh and him too," she said shrugging with the dog in her arm.

"Him too?"

Santana nodded. She idly filled out a quick form as the cashier rung them up. When the cashier said the total it was almost as if he said it over the loudspeaker.

"Really?" she asked.

"... Yeah…"

She sighed and pulled out the card that her mother had given her. She gave it to the cashier with a cringe. Her aunt was right. Her mother was going to kill her.

…

Quinn wasn't exactly sure how long it had been, but she was sure it had been at least an eternity. Maybe an eternity and a half. However, she was now staring at herself in the mirror in shock. She barely recognized herself and she gave a small smile. It was exactly what she wanted.

Her eyes glimmered and she smiled. This would do.

She walked out to the car and Santana was looking at something in her lap, probably her phone. Quinn was eager to see what she thought. She opened door and collapsed in her seat.

She heard a small bark. Her gaze snapped to the ball of fur in Santana's lap.

She looked at her sister whose eyes were wide and looking back at her.

"What did you do!?" she shouted pointing at the dog.

"What did YOU do?!" Santana yelled back pointing at her hair. She felt as if her eyes became any wider they would fall out.

Quinn shook her head and unconsciously tossed her now pink hair. "I needed a change." She pointed at the dog who crawled over the center console into her lap. Her voice calmed. "Mom's going to kill you."

"Your hair!" Santana said with her mouth slightly ajar. She couldn't look away. Her sister's normally thick, layered blonde hair was now a lollipop pink. It had been cut-no, hacked- short. Now it was parted to the left side of her head save a few short pieces that had to remain on her right. There were ghost streaks of her signature blonde, but it almost looked white against the Candyland Pink. Santana frowned more deeply. That wasn't CandyLand themed. Not one bit.

"Won't be an issue especially if you went with me for moral support and bought Fido instead."

"His name is Primetime," Santana said with another gawking stare. "Was your hairstylist blind? She must have applied at least a tube of mascara and eyeliner?"

"No… I just… thought I needed to highlight my eyes a little differently…"

Santana arched her brow, skeptically.

She shook her head, dismissively, and her pink almost brittled hair shook with her. "Doesn't matter," Quinn said as she sandwiched the puppy's small midsection between her hands and held him up in front of her. She narrowed her eyes and puckering her lips in thought and the tiny dog stared back at her with equal curiosity. He tongue hung out and his paws draped over her palms like a loose banana peel. She gave a small smile. "Where did you get him?... and what is he?"

"Petco. He was … lost…" Santana crinkled her nose. "He's a terrier mix. The weirdo at Petco told me that he's a Terrier Yorkie mix and won't get very big."

"Since when did you sprout a heart for the canine world?" Quinn asked with an arch of her brow.

"Since when did you choose to dip your hair in cotton candy?" Santana retorted.

Quinn sighed. "I needed a change."

Santana looked at her seriously. "So did I." She looked at Quinn's short pink hair. "You look like …. I don't know…"

Her hair swept mostly to her left side. It was bold and while being unlike Quinn it was like her too.

"Do you like it?" Santana asked.

Quinn gave a nod. "I do."

"...Why?"

"Because I just do, San," she said defensively. "I needed to be someone different."

Santana leaned back. "I get that."

"I know you do. So pull your head out of your ass," she nudged her.

Santana chuckled. "We're moving forward."

Quinn nodded, her pink hair bobbing with her. "We are."

Santana combed her hand over the top of the dog for a few moments before she finally mutters, "I saw some loser at Petco from McKinley."

"Who?" Quinn asked immediately.

Santana shrugged. "No idea," she said with a shake of her head. "But he knew who I was." She looked back down at the dog. "I dont think I want to go back there."

Quinn gaze snapped up. "Why?"

"Do you?"

Quinn shrugged. "I dont know."

"I need to start somewhere where people don't know who I used to be," she muttered as the dog rolled over and allowed her to stroke his stomach.

Quinn shook her head. "It's not about that for me. I've gotten used to not going to school and I love not worrying about all that crap we used to obsess over."

Santana continued to stare down at the dog as she whispered, "You've gotten used to hiding."

Quinn shook her head in protest. "No, I haven't."

"Well, you can't hide with that hair now," Santana mumbled.

Quinn's lips thinned into a smirk. "I'm not who I used to be."

"Is that what you were trying to accomplish?" Santana asked.

"I don't… I don't feel like myself," Quinn muttered. "I dont even know what it's supposed to feel like. It's hard to explain."

Santana nodded. "No…. I understand."

They fell into a silence except for the puppy's panting as he gnawed on Santana's fingers.

"You shouldn't let him get used to doing that," Quinn muttered. Santana just rolled her eyes. "Does it look horrible?" Quinn whispered.

Santana rolled her eyes. "No... if you like it, everyone else can fuck themselves."

The now pink-haired girl chuckled and comped her hand over the puppy's head. "Should we go face the music?"

Santana shrugged and started the car. "Maybe she won't notice."

They sat in silence for most of the ride, stuck amidst the settling of the dust of their decisions.

"We could play the pity card…" Quinn said with a shrug.

Santana laughed. "Maybe." She pulled the car into the driveway. "We will see."

She put the car in park and exhaled heavily.

"Gretchen is still here," Quinn said with a heavy sigh when she realized that the Volvo of the therapist continued to be in the same place that they last saw it. .

"I guess they had a lot of wrapping up to do," Santana said rolling her eyes. "Come on, Primetime."

She paused at the door. Quinn looked at her with confusion. "What?"

"Maybe you should go in first…."

Quinn scoffed. "I'm not going to be your smoke and mirrors."

"Your hair does that all on its own, champ," Santana laughed.

Quinn gave her a shove. "Fine. I'll go in the back you go in the front. They're probably all still in the kitchen anyway."

Santana smiled with satisfaction.

….

Shelby wiped her hands on the towel and turned to look at Gretchen.

"Are you sure you don't want another cup of tea?" she offered.

"I'm alright," Gretchen nodded holding up her half finished mug. "Your children are really making progress. They wouldn't have been able to be as successful without you. You should give yourself more credit and let yourself off the hook a little more." She paused and took a sip of tea. "You should try to integrate your late husband more into your kids' lives."

Shelby sighed. "It's complicated."

"It always is," Gretchen told her.

Shelby shook her head. "I try to talk about him. His pictures are around the house….. But you're right. I should talk about him more….. It just….. it hurts to. I have my own issue with him. Ten years of marriage on top of everything else. You know?"

Gretchen nodded. "Oh I do. I'm on my second marriage and it's almost more difficult than my first but so much more worth it. You know?"

Shelby laughed. "Actually, I don't. Only from afar."

"And Quinn, I'm working with her to find her own identity. She's resisting as expected."

"Well, she's practically starting from scratch," Shelby said as she nursed her tea. "The person that she has been for the past sixteen years was formed in survival mode."

Gretchen nodded in agreement but a loud shriek from the basement interrupted their thoughts.

She frowned. "What is that?"

Shelby looked toward the noise.

"We're okay!" Rachel yelled through a laugh.

Shelby arched her eyebrow and sighed as she looked apologetically at Gretchen. "Excuse me."

She walked quickly down the basement steps, robbing her children of any time to conceal whatever they were doing. She gasped with panic as watched her son fall heavily, belly first on to an old inflatable mattress that had Rachel on the other end. She watched in horror as Rachel went flying into the air. Despite the fact that Rachel had a bicycle helmet secured on her head, Shelby was not happy. She had thought she had thrown out that damn mattress years ago. Shelby reached the bottom of the stairs and managed to snatch Rachel from the air before she landed on the ground.

"You're kidding me, right?" Shelby asked as she brushed Rachel off.

Noah stood up sheepishly with a grin.

"Hey, Ma…."

"Mumma! Look what we found when we were cleaning Noah's room!" Rachel said excitedly pointing behind her. "The catapult old mattress!"

Shelby wagged her finger. "No. No. No. We banned catapult games years ago. Deflate that thing and put it in the trash." She started upstairs.

"Ma!"

"I mean it," Shelby said as she headed back up the stairs.

"Told ya, you couldn't scream, Rach," Noah said quietly to his sister.

Shelby shook her head and sat back down with Gretchen.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, my son who plays running back and has about ten percent body fat thought it would be fun to play catapult with his barely eighty pound sister."

Gretchen nodded slowly. "Grrrreat," she said through a smile. "I have no idea what that is, but are they having fun?"

Shelby shook her head. "Fun is not what I would describe it. My children are always doing things that are dangerous. Climbing on roofs, smoking, driving cars underage, sawing their casts off with chainsaws, launching each other from a make-shift catapult."

"Your children certainly like walking the line of adventure," Gretchen said carefully. "You and I both can over pathologize their behavior until the cows come home but they really are acting like normal kids. You've been on heightened alert for years. When you and your sister were kids I bet that you goofed off but weren't caught as much as you catch your kids. Your children are -"

The back door opened and Quinn walked through it cautiously, as if to avoid being noticed. She didn't realize that from where her mother and Gretchen were sitting they could clearly see her.

Shelby's eyes were wide and her mouth was hanging ajar. Rachel's excited voiced and racing feet interrupted the adults' halted thoughts.

"Be right back! Mumma, I want to show you something," she hollered as she ran through the kitchen and into the front of the house.

"Oh boy," Gretchen mumbled as she looked at Quinn's appearance.

Quinn finished pulling off her shoes and entered the kitchen, no one hearing the front door opening quietly.

"Holy shit," Noah said behind the women as he emerged from the basement.

"Noah!"

"Ma, look at her hair!" he said pointing at Quinn.

Shelby gave opened her mouth and continuously closed it again as she attempted to form words. Finally, she managed to dig them from the ground. "Quinn, I certainly wasn't aware that you were thinking of dyeing your hair."

Quinn visibly swallowed and raised her head confidently. "Uh… yeah. I've been considering it."

"Well, it looks…. um…. profound," Shelby said cautiously noticing a car pulling into the driveway. "What is Joey doing here?"

"YOU GOT A PUPPY!?" Rachel yelled from the front of the house.

Shelby practically ran to the front of the house and Santana stood there with a tiny puppy in her arms.

" .god," Shelby said heavily.

Rachel ran up to the dog. "Can I hold him? Please please?"

Santana gave the puppy to Rachel and looked at her mother. " .He'sabandonedorphanedsadandhemakesmehappyandImakehimhappyandwecan'treturnhimbecauseheisthebest."

Rachel looked up from holding the dog. "I didn't know you could talk that fast."

"Me neither," Santana mumbled.

Rachel's eyes widened as Quinn passed the entry way trying to sneak around the chaos.

"WHOA!" Rachel skipped over to Quinn. "IT'S MAGENTA!"

"It's… actually not. It's called Unicorn Whisper," Quinn mumbled.

"I'm sorry, what?" Shelby asked, but was soon distracted by a sound outside. She followed it with long strides.

"Unicorns aren't real…. how do they…." Noah started, but trailed off as he became lost in thought.

Rachel shook her head. "Stop thinking about it. Look at Primetime," she said holding the puppy up to his face, causing her brother to take the dog. "I like your hair, Quinn …..It doesn't look as soft as it used to be though."

"It's something that I've learned to let go," Quinn scoffed.

"Get in here," Shelby was heard yelling from the back.

In the kitchen, Shelby was guiding Joey into the kitchen, but she stopped mid step and walked back to Noah and took the dog.

"Ma!"

"Give me the dog," Shelby demanded shortly. Rachel and Santana opened their mouths. "Sit. Everyone sit. Dog is in time out."

"Are we in time out?" Rachel asked.

"Yes," Quinn answered as she pulled Rachel into the living room. "We're going to pretend to watch tv and not listen to you."

"Perfect," Shelby said dryly as they walked back into the kitchen and closing the sliding french doors in place in the living room. She turned to Gretchen and Joey. "What the hell?" She held up the puppy in a way that Rafiki held up Simba. "WHAT THE HELL?"

"Oh calm yo' tits, Shel!" Joey hissed. Shelby scoffed at her. "Hush."

Shelby pointed at Gretchen. "You tell me to let them go out on their own and I got one coming back with pink hair and looking like… like someone…. with pink hair," she whispered and held up the puppy again. "And now I have a dog."

"Stop," Joey scolded. "Yeah, she has pink hair. So what? She's expressing herself. How many piercings did you have growing up?"

"Not the same," Shelby hissed. "And yeah, this worked out great and now I am going to be the bad guy when I tell them the puppy has to go back."

"Why?" Gretchen asked calmly.

"Why am I the bad guy?" she asked, shifting the dog. "I think that's pretty obvious."

"No, why can't you keep the dog?"

In that moment, you could hear a pin drop. Shelby's eyes bore into the two women in front of her."...You're joking….." she finally said.

"No, I'm not."

"I don't need something else-"

"But they might," Joey argued. "So what… a dog, Shel. They'll walk it. They'll get out of the damn house." Shelby glared. "You will all walk it since you don't trust your children on the street."

Shelby shook her head.

"Don't make the decision tonight. Tonight he stays here and ask each of the kids why they think they deserve the puppy and what they are going to do to take care of the puppy."

Shelby shook her head and looked back over her shoulder at Rachel was leaning back over the back of the couch staring at her.

"Saying yes to this goes against everything I believe in as a parent," Shelby said.

"So?" Joey asked. "I raised two crazy children of my own. Everyday was against my parenting aspirations."

Shelby shook her head and looked over her shoulder. She gave a heavy sigh as she went into the family room.

"Are we keeping him? Is that a yes?" Rachel asked rushing over to the dog.

"No," Shelby said shortly.

Santana cracked a smile. "But it's not a no?"

"Don't start with me," Shelby said, catching Quinn's eye. She turned to Joey. "Go explain how to use the puppy pads and finding a designated spot to pee."

Noah laughed. "That sounds like we're going to keep Primetime."

Shelby frowned. "Hey. No decisions are being made. I want an essay from each of you about this dog. It affects all of us. I'm not going to be taking it for walks and cleaning up after it and taking care of it. I need to hear from everyone in this family and no one will be penalized for their opinions."

Rachel sighed. "Mumma! Why essays? Can't we do Powerpoint presentations instead or-" Noah clamped his hand over Rachel's' mouth.

"We're good with essays," Noah said.

"Come on, I'll show you the stuff I have," she said and the children started to follow her.

Quinn's eyes connected with Shelby and stopped.

"Are you mad?" she asked once the other kids left.

Shelby signed. "I'm not. I'm surprised though."

"Do you hate it?"

"Of course not," Shelby said leading Quinn over to the couch. "I just… I didn't know you were doing this….. Why did you do this?"

"I needed a change. I needed a new me…." she mumbled down to her hands.

Shelby tilted her head down and lifted Quinn's chin to meet her eyes. "Were you finding a new you or covering up an old you?"

Quinn visibly swallowed her anxiety. "No….." she finally managed. She braved a glance up at Shelby. "I just ….. I'm scared."

Shelby frowned. "Of what?"

"Not knowing who I am….." she muttered.

Shelby sighed and brushed some of the newly dyed hair out of her face. "Oh, Quinn. You're sixteen. Most people don't even know who they are until they're in their thirties." She gave a heavy sigh. "Some people spend their whole lives trying to figure it out."

Quinn shook her head and couldn't control the tears that began forming "That's not what I mean… I mean I….. I … I don't know I just…. I ….."

Shelby pulled her into a hug. She hushed her softly. "It's okay," she whispered. Quinn relaxed into her arms. "You are many things, Quinn. You don't need to cover those things up." She pulled away and ran her hand over Quinn's head. "If this is what you want, I'll support it." She sighed and looked at the girl's make up. "Let's tone down the make up, though, okay? You have such gorgeous eyes and skin. I want to be able to see them. Also, I know that you might not know it but we'll work on it. Life's a work in progress."

Quinn rolled her eyes with a smile. "You don't hate it?"

Shelby smiled. "I don't," she said again. "If you like, I like it, but can I tell you something?"

The girl gave a nod skeptically. "I guess so."

"Your hair and what you look like isn't all of who you are," Shelby began. "It's you who makes you who you are."

Quinn frowned, unsure of what she meant. "I know that."

"It's okay if you don't, Quinn. Don't downplay the wars you've fought, okay? But promise me something?" Quinn looked at her hesitantly. She avoided eye contact after a beat and then met the woman's eyes. "Promise me that you'll allow yourself to grow and change and be your genuine self and don't bury yourself under someone you believe you're supposed to be."

Quinn searched her eyes as the words soak in. She held her gaze for a moment before she shook her head and pulled way. "Okay," she mumbled.

Shelby leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "You're so much better than you think, my dear."

Quinn nodded in silent response. She couldn't let the words soak in just yet; they were too true, too honest, and the echoes her own doubts left little room for genuine encouragement.

….

Needless to say, the rest of the evening was filled with organized chaos. Shelby lost count the number of times that she forced herself to take a breath. The children were asleep finally. Shelby even patted herself on the back for her good work; Gretchen would be impressed. The girls slept in their own beds for almost a whole hour before they each trickled out of their rooms and crawled into Quinn's. An hour was better than nothing. Rachel almost rolled onto tiny Primetime that Santana brought into bed with them.

Shelby had to take the dog into her room where she kept the pillow that she now designated the dog's. She set the dog down and was able to leave quietly because he had remained asleep when she removed him from the girls' bed. She was barely two steps out of the room before she heard a few paws clicking against the wood floor.

She stared at the dog only for him to tilt his head and arch his brow back at her.

She remembered her uncle crated his dog, but of course, Primetime didn't have a crate. She knew her daughter well enough that she would never even try to crate train. One child or another would release that dog as if they were helping it break out of jail. She barely stared at the ceiling before

"Fine," she mumbled. "Come on."

She started to walk down the stairs but kept hearing whines behind her followed by a clunk.

"We will have to work on the stairs," she told Primetime as she scooped him up in her arms

The moon originally drew her outside. It was almost full and she found a clear dark sky to be the most relaxing. She sat down heavily on the back step. Before she came outside she had been able to juggle a bottle of wine and the dog, but not a glass. She was willing make a sacrifice. She realized that a glass wasn't necessary because the wine kept her warmer than the sweater she had on. Shelby sat and stared up at the night sky. She sat up slightly and took a sip of wine before she laid back further on the top of the picnic table. The quiet of the winter calmed her. She took another sip of her wine and released a deep breath.

"Shel!"

Shelby turned and looked at her husband with a small smile.

"This is the last box I think," Leroy smiled as he handed the movers a cash tip.

Shelby looked around at the brownstone. "You don't think it's too big right?" she asked as she reached for the pile of stuff for the playpen.

"Babe, Robin can do that," he said wrapping his hands around her waist. Robin had only worked for the family for six months and had far exceeded Shelby's expectations for a nanny, but Shelby still resented that she needed one.

Shelby laughed and shook her head. "She is already handling our little climber while trying to tame Noah. We don't pay that girl enough. I'm going to at least set up the playpen area for her."

Leroy sighed and conceded to helping her. "Shel, based on what we know about the kids' personalities, we know that San needs more than a playpen."

Shelby rolled her eyes. "I am well-aware, darling," she said as she leaned forward and kissed him softly. "This is for Santana when I'm downstairs. Even though we're setting up a play area for them upstairs, I want them downstairs too."

Leroy laughed and hugged her gently. "Anything you want, dear."

She kissed him again. "That's the man I married," she laughed.

"MAAAAAA!" Noah came running through the room with a cowboy hat on. She smiled down at him and scooped the three year old up in her arms.

"Hey, bud," she smiled. "Are you behaving for Robin?" He nodded just as the young nanny came around the corner.

"He's doing great," the young college student laughed. He was a handsome, young and lanky man. Shelby never thought she would hire a male nanny but he was great with the children and was able to be flexible with his schedules and accommodated the lives that she and Leroy led. She was grateful for that.

Robin handed the baby that he was holding to Shelby. "She is ready to be set free. She's been upstairs with me all day and she's been at the door trying to climb over the baby gate to 'help' the movers."

"Is that true, Sanny?" Shelby asked as Leroy finished putting the playpen together. The baby moved around in her arms in attempt to wiggle out of her arms. "San," she said with a grunt with her legs flailed. "Alright alright!"

"Honey, just let her down," Leroy yelled as he walked Robin to the door.

"Babe, I feel that that isn't a good-" She started but Santana managed to slip from her arms and started to run one way even though she was looking the other.

Shelby was sure that Santana saw the boxes as an obstacle course instead of the dangers that they were, but she ran into them will full force only to get up and start to scamper again.

"Honey! She's on the move," she called out as Noah squealed in delight and ran after the baby. She followed the children into the other room just as Santana looked behind her, ran into the wall, and wiped out onto the floor only to get back up and run the other way.

"Ma, she fall!" Noah announced.

"Oh god," Shelby mumbled as she reached for the child only for Santana to push herself onto her feet and start again.

"She's good," Leroy laughed pulling Shelby into a kiss and taking a breath. "This is the life isn't it?"

Shelby laughed and kissed him back. "Yeah, our child is acting like a little tornado and we just let the other one act like a lively caboose."

Leroy laughed as the kids did a lap past them and he scooped up Santana. "You little devil. you little tasmanian devil."

Shelby laughed pepper kisses on Noah's face. She shifted him over to her hip and leaned forward and kissed Leroy.

He laughed and put Santana in the playpen and patted Noah on his stomach. "Behave, bud," he whispered. He settled on the floor with Noah and started to build with blocks.

Santana swung her foot up and rested her heel on the top of the playpen's side.

"San," Shelby said in an warning voice. Santana looked at her with a fierce glare. Shelby laughed and looked at her husband. "She'll be so fun when she's sixteen," she mumbled before she cleared her throat and gave all of her attention to the toddler. "No, Santana."

"Honey, just let her out," Leroy said.

"No, Santana," Shelby said again and the baby glared and pulled her foot slowly back into the pen. "Leroy, we can't keep giving into her every want. If we say no, we need to be consistent with her."

Leroy continued to stare at his wife and nod as his son zoomed cars in a little circle. He watched with an attempt to contain his amusement as Santana ran from one end of the short playpen to the other, in essence causing it to rock with her force. Shelby stopped mid-rant and turned to the baby.

"San," she said with a shake of her head. "We do not charge while we're in the playpen."

"Honey, she's not even two yet. Just let her out," Leroy said standing up.

Shelby put her index finger up indicating for him to be quiet. She grabbed a bag and a step stool and secured something to the doorway of the kitchen. Leroy picked up the baby and whispered in her ear about the silliness of the mother. Shelby stepped away after a few moments with pride and accomplishment.

"I found this. I think she will love it," Shelby said as she took the baby and put her in the seat of the contraption she hooked. Santana looked up at her, puzzled. "It's a jumper," Shelby said to Santana as if it were obvious.

Santana bounced her feet and her face immediately lit up when she realized the abilities that she now had with this new toy.

"You are a genius," Leroy said kissing Shelby on the cheek once again. He wrapped his arms around her waist. "Can't you picture us in old and gray and running after the kids? I can see us having two more. What do you think?"

"Two?" Shelby scoffed. "The mother of four children," she laughed. She shook her head until a smile settled on her lips. "I can picture that."

"Me too," he grinned and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "The Fearless Corcorans. The Six Bandits." He chuckled to himself. "I can't wait to grow old with you, Shel."

"Do you realize that you're in Ohio and it's winter?" a voice said interrupting her calm.

She tilted her head back and looked behind her causing her vision to be upside down.

"I thought you went home," she told her sister. "It's late."

"Well, I was going to but then you decided to become a human popsicle on the back porch," Joey told her as she wrapped her coat more tightly around herself with one hand and draped Shelby's coat over her with the other. The puppy lept from one shallow snow foot hole to another..

"The wine is keeping me warm," Shelby said from her back.

"You're ridiculous," she said with a scoff.

"You're still out here with me," Shelby said.

A short silence settled over them. Shelby could practically hear her sister's gears churning as she tried to conquer up the words to ask the question on the tip of her tongue.

"You've never been one to mince your words," Shelby said forwardly.

"You've never been one to ever filter your words after you've had a drink," Joey laughed. She let the air settle once again. "Did something happen?"

Shelby frowned as she thought back over her day.

Joey went on. "Quinn's change in appearance wouldn't cause you to snuggle on the back porch with a half empty bottle of wine in winter weather…. It's just hair."

Shelby shook her head. "No," she mumbled. "It's not that." She sat up slightly and took another drink of wine. "It's everything else."

Joey arched a brow in the dark. "Of all the things…. This is when you're deciding to let go and sink into the ground."

"I'm on the picnic table." Joey glared at her, but Shelby went on. "I'm not…. I'm not upset with Quinn. If she wants to dye her hair, she can…. I think it's all hitting me at once," Shelby said. "You're right … I'm just letting go."

"Why now?"

"Why not?" Shelby said.

Joey leaned back knowing that she should sit back and make herself comfortable. She had known her sister her entire life. She wasn't going to let her sister have a moment to herself as she sifted through her drunken, philosophical thoughts. As if on queue, after a few moments of silence, Shelby broke tranquil silence of the crisp air.

"I used to think everything happened for a reason," Shelby said, still on her back with her bottle of wine and jacket.

"I remember," Joey said quietly.

"I used to believe in the magic of the world. That good things happened to good people and there were no blurred lines between right and wrong. I believed there was one side and then there was the other side." She shook her head and sat up and folded her legs beneath her. She took another sip.

Joey wasn't sure where this was going. "You always believed that the world and people were so much more deserving than they really were."

Shelby shrugged as she too anothe swig of wine. "I always wanted children. And I have them. I always wanted to be on Broadway and I was… I got all those things but I …. I never knew that I had to ask to be happy or for them to be…. to be happy….You know?….I made vows…. Remember the wedding? It was small and like …. something that I never thought." She sighed again.

Joey scoffed as she remembered. "You wanted a big wedding. You always talked about it. You were that girl…." Joey rolled her eyes. "The girl who …. was impulsive and felt with every fiber of her being and…."

"I made vows," Shelby said with conviction. She looked down at her wine. "I meant them. I meant them so deeply, but I never thought…. I never thought I ….that the words that I said it my vows became the foundation of the rest of my life." Joey looked at her with a confused stare. She went on. "I told him …. I told Leroy that I promise to remain his rock. I promised him that I would love with my whole heart and that I would forever grow and change with whatever our future had to offer. I kept those vows to the kids, to my family, but he didn't…. Everything happened. And I'm here alone…"

Joey cleared her throat. "What am I? Chopped liver?"

"Happily married," Shelby said reaching for the bottle of wine and drinking out of it. She bit her lip. "I …. I hate him for leaving me alone to do this."

Joey climbed up on the table with her. "You're not alone, Shel," she whispered as she took her hand.

Shelby's eyes filled with tears. "Sometimes it feels like it."

Joey scooped the puppy up and brought him to her lap. She looked over at Shelby. "New beginnings don't mean that you have forget what was. You need to take your own advice and allow yourself to move on."

"When I watched that damn balloon float away," Shelby began. She wiped her tears. "It felt like everything …. It felt like he was finally gone. And you know what's worst?" Joey shook her head. "I could feel him saying it was okay. Telling us that it was okay. It reminded me that I wasn't ready to move on and I …. I –'' She put her hand on her chest. "I hate that I feel so pathetic."

"Shel, you're not—"

"I am though but for the first time I have the energy to try to move forward…. I'm just not sure how," she muttered wiping her face again.

Joey plopped the puppy in her sister's lap. "You just take it one step at a time."

Shelby laughed. "You're helping with him."

"Fine," Joey said taking the bottle of wine from her and taking a swig herself.

"Fine," she smiled.

…

Santana felt herself jolt awake. She blinked and let her eyes adjust to the darkness. She looked over and Rachel was glued to her side, snoring slightly. She untangled herself from the girl and looked over the edge of the bed for Quinn. She followed the dim light up to the third floor, where she found the pink-haired girl sitting near the window they all used to escape to the the roof though, thoughtfully looking out.

"I hate that she made it so we can't get out to the roof anymore," Quinn muttered without turning around, but leaning back on a pile of boxes.

"Why? You gonna jump?" Santana asked folding her arms.

"It's a good thing I'm not," Quinn scoffed. "You need to work on your bedside manner if I was."

"Last I checked I wasn't a doctor," Santana said sitting down next to her. "But if I am tonight, tell Dr. Sanny what's wrong?"

"What if I grow up to be a serial killer?" Quinn asked plainly.

Santana blinked. "What? What are you talking about? We don't watch Dexter anymore and we can't watch Criminal Minds since noisy-McNoisy is too freaked out by it. Plus, even if you do, that show taught us you would grow up to be a logger and things would be fine."

"But seriously, San," she said with a heavy sigh. "Will I?"

"Maybe," Santana said seriously but then smiled wide, indicating she was lying.

"Thanks a lot. You're so helpful," she scoffed, shoving her shoulder.

"I personally think that despite what statistics say, anyone can break at any moment and be a serial killer," she said reasonably, only to have Quinn glare at her. She took a breath. "Quinn, was is this really about?" she asked honestly.

She shook her head. "I can't explain it."

"Try," she said searching her eyes for some kind of hint.

"You've always had someone, San," she whispered.

"And you now have me," the brunette replied immediately, like it was a clear and undisputed fact. "I don't disrupt my beauty rest for just anyone." She nudged the girl lovingly. "You have me. You always will."

Quinn chewed her lip. "You can't promise that," she finally said.

"Why not?" Santana asked.

"Because you don't know what the future will bring," Quinn said honestly.

"Neither do you," she retorted.

The girl pushed her pink hair out of her face. "I'm scared of who I could become…. because of all of this," she managed to finish. She shook her head as she stared down at her hands. "Your life was hell everyday. -Mine wasn't."

She frowned. "What are you talking about?" Her voice had a tremble that rarely surfaced.

"I can't hate my father… not like you hate … Hate him…." she trailed off slightly and exhaled a shaky breath. "I dont want to hate him. …. I don't know how.. And that scares me … and relieves me …" Santana just stared back at the girl, baffled. "He bought me things. …." She remembered how he told her he loved her but she didn't want to say that outloud. She took a breath and saw the continued confusion and indignance in Santana's eyes. "My mother would go days without speaking to me. Sometimes weeks….. my father was there. He was…. he was him… but he was there. He was the most predictable." She swallowed visibly. "What if I turn out just like him?"

Santana scoffed at the absurd idea. "You wont."

Quinn shrugged. "I feel like we've talked everything out in therapy but nothing has happened….I mean things have happened, but …. I don't feel any different."

"Well, you certainly look different," she responded quickly. Quinn shook her head and frowned at her. Santana's face sobered. "Sometimes… sometimes you don't. I'm always waiting for the next shoe to drop you know? Every once in a while I wake up and I have to remind myself that I am home and that home is in fucktown, Lima, Ohio… I'm not at some shelter or somewhere….. I don't know what to tell you, Q." She sighed. "This isn't how I wanted it to be… Waiting … for things to drop or just being so … I don't know…. worried about what's going to happen next. It's not how either of us want it to be, but this is what it is."

"Is it?"

Santana shook her head. "I dont know…. I just maybe think things will slowly get better. I think. I realized that you have to just … let go, I guess."

Quinn snorted. "Like how? Farting? Santana, this is so stupid." She shook her head. "Weiners, told me today that I need to move forward."

Santana smirked. Soon after they had met Gretchen, Quinn started calling her Weiners, because of Mean Girls.

"Weiners told me the same thing,"

Santana frowned for a minute. "I think that we'll be okay."

Quinn scoffed. "Well, if you're sure then I'm all set."

"No, really," Santana said. "Today I think I got a sign. My dad, you know…. he loved Primetime."

"The football player?"

"Yup," Santana said quietly, revealing a vulnerability that she rarely ever showed. "I never really see him, you know? Like in my everyday or things that remind me of him and I realized when were driving home that I haven't allowed myself to look for him or see him in my days. I haven't accepted that he was gone. I think that that's moving on. You know?"

Quinn gave a subtle nod, but her grief didn't fit into any generic categories. There were no help books for children whose parents had abused her and then one killed themselves and the other in jail. If the book existed she hadn't found it yet.

"I guess. So do we try to be normal?" Quinn shook her head. "What if we grow up to be crazy? What if we already are?"

Santana nodded. "I think that we aren't going to be nuts. Some people go nuts and some people lose their way. and some make their way back while others can't."

Quinn narrowed her eyes. "Isn't that a little dark?"

"I guess so, but how do you know it's when you've always been there?"

Quinn laughed. "Touche."

"Are you going to stay up all night panicking that you're going to become a serial killer?"

Quinn rolled her eyes. "No…." Yes, she thought to herself in her head.

"Just attempt to lay down and sleep,"

Quinn arched her brow. "Why does it matter? Do you have somewhere to be?"

"No," Santana said with a pause. "But I think that I should. We sit around here all the damn time and until today I almost forgot that there was a world outside of here. Yes, we've been kinda grounded for some,but …. we have been so stuck here. It's been easier to be." She looked over at her. "Quinn, we have to try. We've just stopped for so long. We have to try."

Quinn felt a lump in her throat. She heard Santana's words; she understood them; she trusted them. However, she didn't know if she wanted to follow them. She nodded.

"Yeah, I guess."

Santana eyed her.

"Yeah," she replied finally meeting Santana's eyes. "Okay."

….

When her mother had told her yes to going for a run, Santana believed that her mother wasn't really keen to the idea.

Instead, Shelby looked like she filtered the request through the last thread of her being. Like Santana had told Quinn last night, they had all become so comfortable amongst the debris of their recent traumas and their unearthed old ones that they were all struggling to break the habit. Santana couldn't remember the last time that her mother had to encourage everyone to leave the house and couldn't. It also didn't help that Quinn had left with barely a wave informing everyone that she had her cell phone.

As Santana began to jog down the first block, she realized that at one point or the other she had no problem leaving the house without Rachel. She did it before when she picked up Primetime and she was doing at that moment. She swallowed back her her trepidation, she sped up her run. She kept forcing herself to breathe as she tried to expel all that she had been feeling. She hated the face that she wasn't as fast as she used to be. The recent events weren't the only things that were weighing her down. Her muscles were stiff and sore from an absence of movement.

She pushed through her exhaustion and continued to run off of the weight the best that she could.

"Taz," her father said as they ran to the other side of the field. Her legs tried her very best to keep up with him but all she kept seeing was his back.

"Dad!" she said breathlessly when she caught up with him at the other side of the field where they both sat catching their breath. "I can't keep up with you!"

He laughed. "Santana, I'm old and I'm winded and you were right on my tail. You're practically seven." He put his hand on her shoulder. "Be proud of that."

"I can't," she whined. "I want to be as fast as you."

"And you will," he smiled. "Santana, sometimes we want to be where we aren't, but it's too early. Just because it's too early doesn't mean it won't happen. You just have to keep trying."

"That won't help me be better," she said matter of factly with a roll of her eyes.

"It will, Taz," he grinned. He laughed and messed up his hair. "Come on, Primetime. Show me what you got!"

And with that, he raced ahead of her and dared her to catch up to him.

Santana kept running and felt her sweaty eyebrows glide together. She never had been able to catch up with him. Not once. Not ever.

"Hey!"

Santana came to a startled halt and pulled out her earbuds. A streak of blond hair entered her line of sight and a blinding shine caused her to squint. A car had pulled up next to her.

"Brittany?" She looked at her in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing out here?" she asked turning off her car and leaning out her driver's window.. "You're like ten miles out of town."

Santana looked around. "Oh," she mumbled. "I was just …. um…. out for a run."

Brittany smiled and rolled her eyes. "Oh, San." She sighed and climbed out of the car. "I'm sorry."

"'Bout what?" Santana mumbled, wishing she can run again.

"About before," she said sincerely. "I shouldn't have come over and…. honestly… you were so in the zone just now, I drove past you once just to make sure it was you and then a second time because I thought it was too soon to stop. I wasn't stalking you. I swear. I was driving out to Ferguson."

Santana nodded and gave a small smile. "To go fishing?"

Ferguson Reservoir was a local fishing spot and Brittany had acquired her family's love for catching fish. Santana could never keep still when she went out with them. The last time she had went she had accidentally hooked Brittany on the hand. After the blood and the tears, Brittany wore her scar proudly. Nevertheless, Santana hadn't fished since.

"Yeah," she nodded. "My uncle is here too. Him and my dad are trying to see who can catch the most fish. My sister and my mom are making a drinking game out of their bickering."

Santana laughed. "You don't have to be sorry, you know."

"But I am," Brittany said carefully. "I know you, Santana. And I …. and I ambushed you."

"You didn't really," she replied quietly. Her breaths were finally catching and calming from the long run. She couldn't tell though if her heart was racing because of Brittany or the running.

"Don't lie," Brittany whispered. She visibly gulped. "I don't know what we are anymore, but I miss you."

Santana licked her bottom lip and immediately bit it. She released a deep breath. He eyes closed and remained so for a beats. "I'm sorry, Brittany."

"What? For what?" she asked almost like she was afraid to hear.

"I'm sorry for how I talked to at the hospital and how I was when you were at the house." Her words were calculated and slow. It was if she were building a tower of blocks and each word was a block that could cause the entire structure to crumble. "I'm sorry that…. That I'm not the person I used to be.-"

"Santana-"

"No," she whispered. "Please let me finish."

Brittany physically took a step back.

"I … I was so stupid." As the words came to her, her mind processed them and really accepted and their full meaning. "Brittany, we…. we were racing to something that is way too far ahead of us. It's too early." Santana soaked in the delayed life lesson. "I …I don't doubt that i care about you, but I can't be with you right now and I …. I didn't know how to really understand it until now."

Santana finally met her eyes.

Brittany took a deep sigh and give a small nod. "I think I understand and… I'm a little relieved."

Santana frowned. "Yeah?"

Brittany nodded. "We …. I …. I didn't know how to be there for you and I hated that."

"I hated that you felt like you needed to be there for me," Sanatan admired.

"You're my friend," Brittany stated obviously. "Of course I wanted to be there for you. You always thought that you had to do it on your own. I loved being there for you because….. you're my best friend, San… and I fell like you only just let me in and ….." She gave a sheepish smile. I wanted to hold on with all my life."

Santana opened her mouth to speak but Brittany put her hand up.

"San, I…. I get it. I never really did before"

"We're only sixteen, Britt," San whispered, causing Brittany to take step toward. "And I have to stop chasing you. I need to stand still for a little while."

Brittany gave a weak nod, almost as if she was really realizing what Santana was saying. Santana could see what she was trying to convince herself that it was best but the tears still filled her eyes.

"I'm sorry that I ran all the way out here to tell you that."

"Well you've always had me chasing you," Brittany replied wiping her tears with the back of her hand and pulling Santana into a hug and the girl settled into her arms with easy.

"I'm sorry," Santana mumbled into her shoulder.

"I'm not," she replied hugging her tighter.

"Plus," Santana said quietly after a few moments still in her arms. "I don't believe that this is forever. It's just too early, like my dad used to say. Just because it's too early doesn't mean it won't happen. You just have to keep trying."

"And so do you," Brittany replied with a light kiss on the top of Santana's head.

….

Soon after she woke up, Quinn was sure that she needed to get out. Santana's new found inspiration on life had emerged what appeared to be out of no where and Quinn needed to get out. Now that she could she was going out. She didn't know where, but she was gone.

She found herself somewhat ironically at the school. It was Saturday and it was fairly quiet safe for a few practices. She unconsciously moved under the bleachers so she could watch as discreetly as possible as the Cheerios attempted to throw some freshman into the air.

There had once been a time when she believed that everything would be okay if she was only the head cheerleader. She believed that that would be the end all be all. However, it happened and she didn't feel anything. She never felt better. It only perpetuated her restlessness. And now after all of it happened she felt like she was empty all over again, almost even worse than before. Now she didn't have a goal. She didn't have something to move toward. She was just… there.

As she watched, another girl was rotated into the group and tossed up in the air but lost her balance, causing the rest of the tower to crumble. They all landed in a heap. Quinn pursed her lip together; that was exactly how she felt.

"Well, I typically come here to watch the disaster domino game that cheerios have become, but man you have offered something better."

Quinn arched her brow. "I'm sorry, but all I heard was gay gay gay."

"Touche," Dylan replied. She waved her hand in Quinn's direction "What's this? You look like a badass-one who fought with a Strawberry Shortcake and lost- but still a badass."

Quinn rolled her eyes. "I'm trying a new look, jackass."

Dylan held up her hands. "Clearly," she said with an arch of her brow as she took a drag of her cigarette. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

Quinn could only stare back at her, watching the girl blow out her cigarette smoke. She followed the girl's movements as she tapped the extra ash off the end.

"I thought you died or something," Dylan added casually.

Quinn tried to steal her features. She had forgotten that the world had continued to function as it used to even though she felt as if she was standing still.

"It's an expression," Dylan deadpanned, not understanding the awkwardness to its actual degree. "It's all fucking shit. I get that."

"Yeah," was all Quinn could respond with.

"Hey," Dylan said suddenly. "I need to go for a drive. You look like you could use one." The girl grinned. "Trust me. You'll like it."

Quinn didn't even hesitate; she didn't even blink. She didn't even comprehend her absence of reservation until the wind blew in her face as she fidgeted with the passenger window button in Dylan's car. She had immediately been shocked that the girl drove an Audi convertible but before she could form a question, she was instructed not to ask.

After about fifteen, maybe twenty minutes, she finally released her curiosity.

"Where are we going? "

"You watch too many crime shows and," she said with a pause slowing the car. "We're here."

Thank you for your patience. It's so appreciated. You have no idea. I ensure you that it will not be another year. Sorry xoxo t