A/N Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate it very much. Our couple, with a little push from Merle, made some progress last chapter. I hope you enjoy this glimpse into Daryl's world.
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The heart wins over the brain every time because the heart won't be denied. It has a will of its own. It feels what it's going to feel and it wants what it wants.
It doesn't matter how big and strong you are, you can't fight it.
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He'd been fighting so hard, not even realizing he had no hope of winning. And now it was as if suddenly the fight had gone out of him, he could feel himself starting to lose the battle. He wanted to do what he thought was the right thing. He wanted to stay away from her, he needed to keep her safe. But he knew he was slipping. No. That wasn't quite it. Whatever this was it was far more than just a slip. This was a free-fall.
He didn't know that he'd never really understand what was happening to him, and to them. Matters of the heart are not meant to be understood. Matters of the heart have nothing to do with thinking and logic and understanding. These matters are about feelings and desire. They're about a sense and about a need; and they're about the deep longing of one heart for another.
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He had his hand on her low back as he reached in front of her and pushed the door open. She stepped inside his place and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust from being in bright sunlight. She could smell the machine oil and hear the low hum of machinery that was at rest, but at the ready.
He took his hand from her back and she wished he wouldn't have. It felt so good to feel his light touch. It felt protective and loving and she already missed it. His voice was low and a bit more raspy than usual when he asked, "Ya got sumthin' you can tie that hair up with? It ain't safe ta have it hangin' down when we get near the machinery."
Without thinking her hand went to her hair, "Um sure, I can run home and get something. I'll be back in a minute," and she turned to go.
Now that she was with him he didn't want her leaving, even if it was only for a few minutes, "Nah wait, let's see. I got some metal clips here. I use a lotta those, hang on." He showed it to her, "Is this okay? It's clean n all."
"Yes, that should work just fine. It'll be like a chip clip for my hair." She was smiling so he knew she was fine with it.
She reached for the clip but he pulled his hand back. He had that telltale look in his eye and the faintest of grins was on his lips, "Nah I'ma do this for ya, just turn around." He wasn't even able to fool himself. He knew exactly what he was thinking and what he was doing, and he also knew better. It was just that he'd wanted to put a hand in her hair since the first time he laid eyes on her, and he wasn't inclined to let this chance go by.
He'd weakened and he knew it but for now at least he was all done with fighting. He couldn't stop himself from doing this, he didn't even try. He gently grabbed the blonde curls all up in one hand and the words came, "You got some wild hair girl and its real pretty too. It shines like your smile." He knew he shouldn't be talking to her that way but he just couldn't help it, and maybe he didn't want to help it.
She was stunned. Did he really just say those things to her? The Dark One sounded so romantic and she had no objection to that, none at all. She'd been hoping for quite a long time he'd make some kind of move, but she'd never even dared to hope he'd speak to her in such a sweet way. She could feel it more and more, he was pulling her in and she had no will to fight.
He could hear the smile in her voice when she answered, "That's so nice to hear, thank you Daryl. I've been trying to tame this crazy hair for 26 years but recently I kind of gave up."
"That was a good call, I can't see a thing wrong with it." His fingers were still playing with the loose strands of blonde curls and it was all he could do to finally move his hand away. He wished he would just shut the fuck up and keep his hands to himself. He knew he had to quit this before he got in any deeper.
For Beth there was just no denying the truth, she liked the warm feeling it had given her when he took her hair in his hand to clipped it up. On the surface it seemed like such a sweet and innocent gesture, but the vibe was oh so sexy. She'd let the gunsmith run his fingers through her hair anytime he wanted to. And the way he was talking, the nice things he was saying, all of it was getting right to her heart, and she knew her heart was open to him.
She was seeing a whole new side of Daryl Dixon and she was liking this side of him very much.
He knew he had to think about her and the fact that it just wasn't right to let her get too close. It wasn't safe for her. He wasn't safe for her. So he made one last effort, trying to at least alter the tone of the conversation. It was the only thing he could think to do, talk business instead of pleasure, "Ya gotta wear these safety glasses too. I can't risk ya gettin' hurt Beth."
She had no desire to wear the big ugly plastic glasses but she didn't argue with him. She was aware how protective and concerned he always was and although she worried that he worried about her too much, it did feel good to know he cared.
"Here, lemme help." He slipped the big glasses on her and she caught her reflection in the back window. "Oh my gawd, I look like a total geek."
"Ya think so? Ya look pretty damn cute to me." No matter how many times he told himself to knock it off he just couldn't seem to stop. Maybe it was because for so long instead of just saying what was in his heart, he'd been holding all those thoughts and feelings in. He made one more attempt to distract himself and her. "Okay, ya ready ta check out my one-man production line?"
She stood back just a little and gave him a serious look, "No. Not so fast Daryl. What about your hair and where are your safety glasses?"
There it was, the dead-eye stare. "Ya ain't s'posed ta worry about what I'm doin'."
Her hands went to her hips and she stared back, "Well I am going to worry about you Daryl, so there. Besides, if you get hurt just who the heck do you think is going to make sure I don't get hurt?" She couldn't believe she'd just said that, and even though she thought it was kind of a joking statement, he got a very serious look.
He didn't argue with her, that wasn't what he wanted to have happen at all. He just shrugged, "Yeah, well okay then. I use to have to gear up with all that stuff when I worked for other people. Since I went out on my own I guess I didn't worry about it." Then he smiled that little smile as he clipped his own hair up, "But I s'pose if you're gonna go hard on me I gotta do like ya say."
It was then there was one hard knock on the back door and Merle walked in. She could tell by the look on his face just how surprised Daryl's brother was to see her there. He made a valiant effort to cover up his surprise, while at the same time quickly inventing a reason he needed to hurry and leave again. "Hey sorry ta bother y'all. I's comin' back ta resume the bow competition and then damn if I didn't just remember sumthin', an now I can't stay. I'm under orders ta pick up Jack at preschool or else. Ya know how that woman at home is, she's gonna skin me alive if I don't get there on time. Sorry, I'll hafta catch y'all later."
He was out the door before they even had a chance to say hello or goodbye. She knew Merle was full of it but she wasn't going to say a word about it. Not until Daryl shook his head and remarked, "Merle needs ta go back ta actin' school. He sucks real bad at that stuff."
She started laughing but then she got a little more serious. She knew she shouldn't but she just couldn't help herself, she had to ask, "I know it's none of my business Daryl, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, I'm just wondering, is your brother's wife really so mean to him? You know, does she threaten him all the time? He seems so worried about making her mad."
Now he was being over-dramatic as a grave look crossed his face, "Oh yeah, it's real bad. His wife's a lot like you, a 110 pounds of ragin', unreasonable and deadly fury. She'd scare the shit outta any man." Now they were both smiling as he continued, "Pfft, that woman spoils his ass rotten and he does the same with her."
He reached over and lightly touched her upper arm, leaving his hand there as he said, "Ya seen him in action now Beth, and how he is. Just keep in mind, Merle Dixon is mostly fulla shit. And yeah, the two a them are crazy about each other."
She liked the feel of his hand on her and she liked the story, she smiled back, "That's good to hear and honestly, I just couldn't imagine it."
He was anxious to quit discussing his brother and move along, "Okay, ya ready?"
"Yes!" She was all smiles now. Even though she knew she'd be up all night working, she'd have to be after losing most of this work day to spend her time with Daryl, but she didn't care. It was worth it, for some reason she just knew he was worth it.
She still didn't understand exactly what it was she needed this man for, but she knew beyond a doubt she did need him and she wanted him.
Just like with the crossbow he started off the shop tour with a kind of lesson. "Ya said you know guns, or at least that you've shot a couple. So ya know a pistol has three main parts, the action the frame and the barrel. Right?"
"I guess. I mean I never thought about the names or honestly gave any thought to what makes a gun work, you know, like the mechanics of it. I just did what Daddy said to do. Sorry."
"Don't be sorry. That's how a lotta folks are, even folks who been shootin' guns for years. So the action, that's what some call the trigger group, it's all the parts that make the gun fire. The frame is the grip and the grips that I build are wood, kinda old school. I like each one to be unique so they all have a little different carving on them, and I etch my initials in em here at the bottom. Anyway, I know ya know what the barrel is, that's where the bullet travels and now ya know the basics."
As he showed her around, explaining how he used each piece of equipment and the various tools in his work. And as he described to her how he went through the process of design and planning, and then finally manufacturing a piece, he often lightly touched her hand or her arm. Again she was surprised at how this man who looked so rough and so intimidating was so gentle with her. She was also surprised by how much those light little touches pleased her.
He wasn't sure what the hell was happening to him but it was happening and he was rolling with it. It wasn't at all like him to feel the need for constant physical contact with a person. Not until her. It was like he couldn't control the desire to just have that little bit of closeness with Beth Greene. And it surprised him that he wasn't uncomfortable with it, not at all. It felt so right and it felt so natural, like it was the way it was meant to be.
As they started to move along through the shop she noticed the big PC on his desk. She wondered how she'd missed it when she'd been to his place before. She saw on the monitor there were several images, like those from surveillance cameras. She tried to keep it light but she was serious when she asked, "My gosh Daryl, are you expecting some kind of trouble?"
Suddenly it was as if the darkness deepened and he was solemn when he answered, "I gotta be careful. I learned that lesson a long time ago and I learned it the hard way. It's why I don't have some kind of big sign on the building saying what it is I do here. Guns attract alotta the wrong kind of people. They see a place like this, or hear about it and it looks like one stop shoppin'. They figure they can slip in and stock up on firearms. So yeah, I keep a pretty good eye on what's goin' on inside and out. When I'm not here I can monitor it all on my phone."
"I don't want problems. Any guns that are finished but haven't been picked up yet or freighted to where they're going, I keep those in that safe. The safe can hold up to 65 long guns and it weighs over 2000 pounds loaded, ain't no one comin' in and carryin' that off."
"A lotta my customers are outta the area so I have a licensed shippin' outfit I use to deliver orders. I want ya to know, I'm legit here. I don't make nuthin' illegal for anyone. I could, I know how to do all that stuff. I get asked all the time to do illegal modifications, adjustments, even build weapons. I could be makin' a lotta cash under the radar, but that ain't for me, it ain't why I do what I do. I make a good livin' for myself keepin' it clean and honest."
She wasn't going to admit it to him, at least not right now, but she'd thought about those things. She'd wondered if maybe that was where the darkness came from. If it had something to do with the guns. But now she didn't think that was it exactly. He was obviously running a legitimate business and when he spoke of what he did, and when he showed her how he did the things he did it seemed like he was proud. She knew how that felt because she was the same way when she was making jewelry. It was her zone just as she could see this was his zone.
So much was being revealed to her and there were more revelations in store. As he reached up to turn a light on over one of the work benches his shirt rose up just enough for her to see the gun tucked in a small holster at the back of his belt. She tried sounding matter of fact when she asked him, "Do you always carry a gun Daryl?"
His reflex was to reach back and touch the pistol, then he turned to her, "Yeah, always. It's legal. I got a concealed carry permit." His look was so serious, almost stern when he told her, "This world, it's full of nasty people Beth, bad people. I don't take chances anymore."
"Really Daryl? Is that how you feel? That the world is full of bad people? I like to think the world is mostly full of good people, that just a few have strayed off course. The bad ones are just the ones we hear the most about."
He looked in her eyes so hard it was a little unnerving and what he said made her feel badly for him. His world really was dark, "That's how you see it cuz you're good Beth. But I don't think there's many good people left."
The conversation had definitely taken a dark turn and she didn't want this day spoiled. She desperately wanted to change the subject and she suddenly had an idea. It was a risk but she quickly decided the best thing she could do was to just go for it, and she did. "So you know what might be kind of fun Daryl?"
He'd been absentmindedly wiping down the lathe with a shop rag but now his eyes were back on her and he asked with the smallest of grins, "What's that?"
"If you took me out somewhere and we had target practice with a couple of your pistols. I'd love that."
"Really? You're serious?" He could feel the anxiety start to flare but at the same time he was excited she'd want to do that with him.
She sensed it, something was a little off. He was concerned. She tried to sound upbeat when she responded, "Yes Daryl, I'm very serious." Now her hand went to his arm and she spoke to him in a soft but serious tone, "I can see it. I feel it really, you seem to think I'm quite delicate. You act like I might break at any moment. I'm not going to, I promise. Please don't worry so much. Besides, you'll be there with me and I'm not going to take any chances. We'll be safe and it will all be good."
He was thinking hard and chewing at his lip and she felt bad. She realized she'd put him on the spot and now she was going to give him an out, "We don't have to if you'd rather not, it's up to you. I just thought it might be a fun day."
He was trying hard to fight his feelings again, to say no, but he made a mistake. He looked in those warm blue eyes and he knew he couldn't do it, he wouldn't say no to her. He was self-aware enough to realize he had no desire to. He wanted to take her out, he wanted to quit denying himself. He told himself maybe it was a good thing. Maybe this was what he should start thinking about, teaching her to protect herself. If he was so weak he couldn't stay away from her, then he had to help her get stronger. He had to show her how to keep herself safe.
"Yeah, no that's a good idea. I don't know why I didn't think of it. If you wanna we could go Sunday. We can go to the gun range or I can take ya up in the hills. It's up ta you, whatever ya feel comfortable doin'. Whaddya think?"
Her smile was so bright and warm and she looked so happy when she answered, "Yes, I can go Sunday and I'd love to go up in the hills. I don't think I'd be comfortable at the range with a bunch of people watching me, I'm sure I'm going to embarrass myself."
His hand lightly grasped hers and he looked in her eyes as he assured her, "You ain't gonna embarrass yourself. And I was already likin' the idea of goin' shootin' with you much more than I like goin' with Merle. Now I'm really lookin' forward to it. He never makes me a lunch and he damn sure ain't pretty to look at."
She smiled that big warm smile and teased, "Oh gosh I'm just so happy knowing I'm able to one up Merle."
She wondered if Daryl even realized she'd asked him on a date. But then it really didn't matter who asked who, it only mattered that they would be spending the day, the two of them, together.
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A/N Bethyl seems to be moving forward. Please leave a comment / review and let me know what you think. As always, the chapter photo is posted to my tumblr blogs gneebee and bethylmethbrick, please have a look. I thank you all again for taking the time to read along. I hope to see you back next Wednesday for more of Dark & Dangerous. Until then remember, I love ya large! xo gneebee