Housestuck: The Split
Chapter 5: Water and Fire Temples
Beginning AN:
Disclaimer: The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass amoeba. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!
(Water Temple)
"I HEARD BAD THINGS ABOUT THIS PLACE AND FUDGE I CAN'T EVEN SWIM!"
Sheldon whined that as his group - himself, Rose, Feferi, and Meenah - OH SHIT, wasn't like Jake kind of Feferi's SJAHJ patron and that would go to other things? Eh, screw it, it's not like anyone here who isn't John or Nepeta matters to this plot. Also, the reason Nepeta doesn't actually know of this patron thing it's a meta thing, and Nepeta specifically organizred the groups. She's not that prepared.
Anyway, they made it through the temple and found the end, but Sheldon was exhausted.
"Stop whining." Said Rose.
"But I like whining :("
Anyway considering the pattern wit Rose Quartz, Alucard, and Kamina, you can probably tell where this is going.
Sheldon opened the door and saw Morpha.
"Great." Said Sheldon. "That looks oddly slimy, that thing was controling water? What even is that, a big cell? Uh..."
Then because Sheldon doidn't think of that exploit to trap Morpha in the corner, Morpha grabbed Sheldon and threw him on some spikes and that killed him.
(Fire Temple)
So they were by the door too. Also, because it's fire, it was really fucking hot.
"I am going in." Brenda said with a sigh. Her group consisted of Dave, Aradia, Damara, Gamzee, and Kurloz. "Stay out here it's safe."
"You cna talk?" Dave asked as Brenda went in through the boss door.
The group waited, and nothing happened.
So then they walked in and-
HOLY SHIT. It was Volvagia, in the middle!
"Hey man!" He said. "Um, some biology test walked in here! And uh, I disected her. Her name was... Betilla, or something?"
(Here's Flashback)
Brenda walked in to the boss room and saw the gigantic fucking dragon thing and roled her eyes.
"Oh, hell no. I'm 41. I'm too old for this shit." She said.
And then Volvagia sliced at her with a claw.
(EndFlashback)
"Okay you want here there she is."
Volvagia pointed to the wall, which had Brenda like fucking kind of laid out disected. Don't worry this story censors gore. Uh, so does Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals.
(I know the title of this was Water and Fire temples but the last chapter had a cliffhanger of the Shadow and Spirit Temples and also there's this one story element I'd like to get done in the first season but I'd not have Chapter 6 just crammed and shit together with too much shit)
"Well. Well. Well." Said Aibur to Nepeta, held at gunpoint. The Prism Crew, still at 360 (since they couldn't like shove in more), utterly surrounded the small group of Rainbow Crews. "I think I might know why you are so interested in me, and found my base after your 'time travel.' Isn't that right, BILL CIPHER?!"
"What?" Asked Jade.
"What." Asked Kanaya.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Asked John.
Nepeta sighed. "Okay I'll explain that. You see, in the loop timeline, I ended up trapped with a dead Hank Hill and some dark magic from Doc Scratch, which turned the three of us in to Plank. Then, the Dark Magic took over. We were sent to Multiverse B - you'll find out about that soon enough - where Aranea there, who was evil - most of us in Multiverse B's main timeline are evil - ate us. And gained Slenderman Powers. Then, after she was dead, the fact that Aranea absorbed those powers was also kind of reverse-absorbed in to Plank. So Plank could slightly move. That version of Jhon in that world had Ed, Edd, Eddy n: The Mis-Edventures 2, which has the same commonly-known multiverse travelling powers of the first EENE: TME."
"WHAT?!" Asked John. "That stupid video game can let people travel through universes?!"
"And time and space and everything." Nepeta said. "I thought it was a basic thing they taught you."
John shook his head. "I had no idea."
"Also, that you in Multiverse B's main timeline was obsessed with that game. Anyway:
"So then using TME 2, Plank teleported in to Multiverse C. There, he formed a bond with Peter Griffin. They tried to take advantage of this butt monster's attempt to end the world to gather the power of 361 strippers and try to use their souls to become ultimate. But then... eh, good guys won and completely wiped out/excorsized the dark magic out."
"Anyway, because of being from differnet multiverse - this one, Multiverse D - Plank had some odd effects that tampered with the way Multiverses B and C had timelines and stuff. Mainly, the timelines weren't as 'free' to multiply, so there were less. Anyway, most of the Planks were able to be relocated and taken out of the multiverse via Weird Quantum Shit, which was caused by one and only one Plank that was 'prototyped' in an alternate timeline/universe. That prototyped 'Planksprite' used some kind of Weird Quantum Device to bring all of the other Planks together in to something in Multiverse D. That's a collaged being known as Yggdrasil."
Aibur nodded. "You forgot how the original Plank ended up in Multiverse A, briefly."
Nepeta shrugged. "Yeah, that's not important. But yes the other me is a component of Plank, but not me."
"Who the fuck is Bill?" Asked John.
"Yggdrasil made a dream projection, but it could only reach Multiverse A. The avatar there was actually the projection of the Dark Magic. The result is this triangular dream demon known as Bill Cipher." Nepeta shrugged. "This should be basic knowledge."
Aibur just snickered. "You are still under my surrounded.s Prepare to have a slightly unpleasant experience."
(Spirit Temple)
"So... uh." Said Yoko. Tavros just gasped (this was Tavros's temple thing right? When it should be... NO WAIT, is Tavros... uh, fuck it). "You're going to shoot me?"
"Well... yes."
Then she fired.
BUT, Yoko jumped out of the way and got her OWN gun out!
"NO!" She shouted. "FUCK YOU!"
Yoko began to fire... well, fire, since her gun does that right? She fired fire at Cortana but she just got out some device.
"Subject is a bit not willing to die." Said Cortana. "I am going to leave now."
Then she teleported away in blue light.
"...The bloody fuck was THAT?!" Jake asked.
"I don't know." Replied Yoko. "Let's meet up in the Forest Temple like the plan apparantly was that Sollux texted me because he's a hacker."
So then Yoko led them out.
(Shadow Temple)
Aibur had everyone in handcuffs.
"Okay Mrs. 'Morally Ambiguous.'" Said John ."How are we going to get out of THIS ONE?!"
Nepeta shrugged. "I don't know. I wasn't even expecting Aibur to be here in this timeline! It was not part of my plan!"
"Everyone follow me and don't worry I'm not killing anyone YET." Said Aibur, but she had a lot of malice in her intent.
So then she rounded them up to her ship and flew off with them. And they were heading around Canada in the direction of dun dun dun... THE FOREST TEMPLE!
(Water Temple)
Meenah reached inside her trident-outfit bikini (I THINK that's what she wears, I gotta make a list of outfits... maybe next chapter?) and got out TRIDENTARANGS! And threw them at Morpha!
Then Feferi just took her own trident thing andk illed Morpha. She turned to the group.
"Hey IU just want to remind you that I can kill people." She said, this is a reference to what she says in Chapter 8 of Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals when she killed the Stalfos. "I'm not all just nihce."
Meenah gasped. "First! You're better than an Alpha? The fuck? Second, so it was YOU that killed the Stalfos?!"
"...I thought I told you."
Meenah shrugged. "M aybe you did and I just forgot. Anyway, Stalfos was my friend and-"
Then they heard shower running, even though Morpah was dead and the water in his arena went away.
Meenah ran over and opened the curtains.
"STALFOS!" She cheered.
"...Who are you?" Asked the Stalfos. This was his split timeline self, by the way, he's still alive.
(Fire Temple)
"So," Said Volvagia. "You guys are named Araffa, Gamjee, and uh... Damrea, Kuruhz, and..." He looked at Dave. "Mike."
"MY NAME IS DAVE!" Dave got super offended!
"Okay Mike, we're gonna fight now!"
Gamzee then suddenly turned in to sobor Gamzee (I lost track of if he was papped back in Chapter 12 of Hurricane or not) while Aradia used spirits of the dead to haunt Volvagia.
"Argh, I think these trolls are after me." Said Volvagia. "Hey, Mike, can you tell them to back off? I was just hungry and there were a lot of Gorons and shit and I just wanted to, you know, kill and eat them."
"MY NAME IS NOT MIKE!" Dave complained. "IT'S DAVE! THE OTHER NAMES AT LEAST SOUND SIMILAR, BUT MY NAME IS NOT CLOSE TO MIKE!"
Then Kurloz just used dark gravity magic to pull Volvagia down, and Damara pulled a meteor from the asteroid belt and brought it down. I heard that this loli asshole from One Punch Man does that but I haven't gotteen to thatpoint yet. I like how that anime has a lot of naked people but so far there was just one naked women and she's probably dead. :( I want to write a story where there's more nakeds, but these Housestuck stories don't count because they are shit.
(Forest Temple - OUTSIDE)
Let's just say that troll psychics from Damara got the Fire Temple gang to the Forest Temple, and that Stalfos had a car that drove the Water Temple Team. Uh, basically, everyone was there, but the Shadow Temple gang, and John and Nepeta (the Prism Crew also found Meulin), was all held hostage in front of the forest temple, and the whole Rainbow Crew and Hecksing were both there to see it. Except Alucard, who was dead.
"HA HA HA!" Said Aibur. "Now, if you don't tell me the inner secrets of the Bill Cipher, I'LL KILL YOU WITH ZOMBIES!"
Then she chanted, and from the forest ground a bunch of zombies came up!
OH SHIT!
Closing AN:
Whoo! Just one more chapter to go and I can break my self-induced hiatus and get to Ordinarily United!