Disclaimer: I do NOT own Dragon Age or anything related to it.
"Begin to see the violence around you; begin to see the violence within you."
— Bryant McGill (Voice of Reason)
Chapter 18:Reflections
Bloodcurling screams echoed through the forest, coming from all directions as the pleading voices of innocent men, women, and children desperately cried out for help, but recieved none. In response to their cries of despair and agony came only the frightening screeches of the darkspawn, growing louder and louder while they slaughtered so many innocent people like animals. It was simply horrible for lack of any better word, enough to drive someone insane because of how heartbreaking and loud the screeches and screams were for both the ears and the heart to hear.
Sitting on the ground in the center of the forest, Zoë's hands covered her ears as she tried to block out all of these sounds that threatened to make her ears bleed. Some voices were very familiar, belonging to people she knew and loved deeply, others to mere strangers who she never knew nor heard of. That did not matter, however, for whether or not she knew those suffering did not do anything to change guilt and dole that filled Zoë's entire body. She had failed all of these people, failed her family, failed her friends, failed everyone.
She shook her head vehemently in an attempt to drive such dreadful thoughts from her mind, and felt her heart skip a beat when a loud roar suddenly echoed through the forest, sounding like it was coming from high above. Zoë looked up slowly, eyes widening in shocked terror at the sight of the archdemon flying high up on the sky, roaring as loud as possibly before it looked down at her, it's gaze making her feel as if she was about to melt into a puddle because of the pure terror it filled her with.
That was when the archdemon suddenly swooped down toward the elf at full speed and swiped her in it's grasp.
Zoë gasped as she sat upright in her bedroll, panting heavily and covered in enough sweat to fill more than just a few tubs. Stifling a groan, she soon remembered what Jade had mentioned about Alistair's recent revelation of bad dreams that every Grey Warden had after they went through the joining. With dreams of getting caught by the archdemon now plaguing her sleep, Zoë didn't know whether to be aghast or wryly amused at the thought of how she now needed to deal with darkspawn dreams for the next few weeks if not months instead of all those dreams of mamae's death she'd had almost every night before becoming a Grey Warden.
A humorless laugh escaped the former city elf's lips at the thought of that. She'd always been desperate to stop dreaming about mamae and now she was stuck dreaming about darkspawn, archdemons, and everything else related to the blight. The Maker who Leliana never shut up about just loved to torture His so-called beloved children with all of these blights, corruption, and poverty. If this stupid shemlen god even existed, then he might as well simply finish everyone off before the darkspawn do. That at least would be thë most nicest and merciful thing He could ever do for them.
It was a completely different story with the Creators who she and Regina had learned about from Jade. They had been betrayed and had no choice when imprisoned by the treacherous Dread Wolf known as Fen'Harel. And if the Creators were still free, as Jade had originally stated with the slightest hint of bitter arrogance in her voice, they could and would still walk amongst their people just like they had done in the past.
All these thoughts of gods and religion reminded Zoë of the night when she'd awoken from a bad dream about Shianni only mere hours after Duncan recruited her in Denerim. She sighed quietly and bit her lip, unable to keep from worrying about how her family was doing without her there to keep the promise she'd made to mamae right before she died and take care of papae, Soris, and Shianni. Hope that they were alright was painfully mixed with the sad possibility that they most likely thought her to be dead along with the rest of the Grey Wardens and most of the king's army that had perished because of Loghain's treachery at Ostsgar.
Zoë's head snapped up when she suddenly heard what sounded like someone singing, and swiftly moved to undo the flaps of her tent, peeking out to see Jade sitting alone in front of the campfire. The huntress's eyes were closed as the unfamiliar words to an Elvish song escaped her lips. It was obviously not the same one she'd-sang for the other female wardens before Ostagar, but it was just as bittersweet to both the ears and heart as the other tune had been.
"Melava inan enansal
ir su araval tu elvaral
u na emma abelas
in elgar sa vir mana
in tu setheneran din emma na
lath sulevin
lath araval ena
arla ven tu vir mahvir
melana 'nehn
enasal ir sa lethalin."
Jade's eyes slowly opened as she looked up to see a hesitantly approaching Zoë. She gave a small smile, though it seemed to be rather forced and clearly sad. Zoë herself resisted the urge to frown at the huntress from both weariness and vexation as she took a seat next to her friend. The two elven women were silent as they stared deeply into the campfire for a few moments before Zoë finally looked at Jade and with a little bit of hesitation, she spoke.
"What was that song about?" She asked quietly.
"I don't know what the lyrics translate to in the common tongue, but I've been told by Keeper Marethari that it tells the story of the Elvhenan's struggles with losing our homeland and our own personal struggles as well." Jade's eyes remained glued to the campfire as she spoke, never once even glancing at Zoë as if only half of her mind was paying any attention to the former city elf whilst the other half was in very deep thought about something else, and Zoë already had a few ideas as to what that something probably was.
"Did you have another dream about your father?" Jade shook her head very slowly in response, though she still did not look at other elf. With a sigh, she bit her lip and finally turned her head to meet Zoë's gaze with her own.
"It was the archdemon." She said with another sigh."I was in the forest listening to so many innocent people die at the hands of the darkspawn, and then the archdemon just appeared out of nowhere and swiped me in it's grasp."
Zoë's eyes widened in shocked disbelief."I had the exact same dream just now too!" She exclaimed then quickly lowered her voice to a whisper so she would not wake up everyone else in camp."How is that possible that we both had the exact same dream?!"
Jade blinked, then eventually gave a nonchalant shrug and looked back into the campfire."When I last spoke to Alistair about Grey Warden dreams, he said that there were some cases when just a few or all of the Grey Wardens had the same dream about the archdemon or the darkspawn." She chuckled lightly."I honestly did not need to hear that he'd screamed so loudly during his first Grey Warden dream that Duncan thought there was someone else in the room with him, however. That part was most definitely rather superfluous in my opinion, though I will not deny the fact that it is quite an amusing thought to dwell on if I ever need a good laugh."
Zoë could not hold back an equally amused grin in response."Remind me to tease him about that later on."
Jade chuckled again, though it quickly quieted down and her small smile became a frown as she sighed deeply."We're going to start heading for the Circle of Magi in the morning. Once we get their aid against the Banalhan, Tamlen and I are going to start looking to see if we can any Dalish clans camped around that area in the forest."
"Do you think we could find your clan?" Zoë inquired.
"Unlikey." Jade replied with a shake of her head."They've no doubt fled by now, but knowing Keeper Marethari, she and the rest of the clan will be among the first to rush to help us end this Banalhan as soon as they hear news of mine and Tamlen's survival. It is a good thing that they will want to honor the treaty like everyone else, but it is a hard thought to know that they shall also be endangering themselves in the process."
Zoë hesitated."I think all of us, whether we're trying to end this blight before it actually begins or not, are endangering ourselves right now."
Lowering her eyes, Jade nodded curtly in agreement then sighed softly."I cannot possibly argue with that statement, lethallan." She sighed once more."I miss my clan."
Zoë nodded empathetically."I understand. I never thought I'd actually miss that pigsty of an Alienage that I used to call home, but now I do. Maybe it's just because I miss all of my friends and family back home."
"Yes," Jade agreed,", it is hard being away from my clan, but at least Tamlen and I have each other to help us cope."
"How are thing going on between you two?" Zoë asked hesitantly.
Jade let out a humorless laugh, shaking her head."Still distant and odious, I'm afraid. We haven't really gotten a chance to speak about it since leaving Lothering, and since he's gone back to avoiding me like a plague, it looks like things are going to stay that way for awhile."
"Maybe you should try talking to him." Zoë suggested.
"Tried," The huntress answered curtly with a snort of derision,", and failed."
"I suppose he just needs some time, Jade." The former city elf said quietly.
"Yeah," Jade said with a sigh then snorted derisively again,", time is something we all need right now, lethallan, but can't have."
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Elven Translations:
Mamae - Mother
Papae - Father
Shems/Shemlen - Humans
Elvhenan (Literally: Place of our people/Our hearts) Original name for the elven civilization.
Banalhan - Blight
Lethallan - Friend/Kinswoman (Female)
Fen'Harel (Literally: The Dread Wolf) An enigmatic trickster god of the elves, whose betrayal of both the benevolent Creators and malefic Forgotten Ones is the only explanation most elves have to explain the destruction of Arlathan.
Lyrics to Suledin (Endure) An Elvish Song:
Elvish:
Melava inan enansal
ir su araval tu elvaral
u na emma abelas
in elgar sa vir mana
in tu setheneran din emma na
lath sulevin
lath araval ena
arla ven tu vir mahvir
melana 'nehn
enasal ir sa lethalin
English:
Time was once a blessing
but long journeys are made longer
when alone within.
Take spirit from the long ago
but do not dwell in lands no longer yours.
Be certain in need,
and the path will emerge
to a home tomorrow
and time will again
be the joy it once was
Next up: Chapter 19:Welcome Home...Not!