A/N Thank you all so much. We've started to learn some things about Daryl's past and we're going to learn more this chapter. But first it's time for target practice!
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They walked around to the back of the tent where he'd built a small shed. He opened the padlock and took out a trash can half-full of empty beer and pop cans. He reached up on the shelf, grabbed a pair of safety glasses and handed them to her, "Here's your favorite. These are designed for shootin'." He watched her hands go to her hips and he saw the look on her face and he knew what was coming. He tried sounding put out but she saw the little smirk on his face when he responded, "Yeah, yeah before ya get all mad, I got mine."
He left the trash can on the porch as they continued inside the tent. He knelt down next to the throw rug in the bedroom area and when he pulled it aside she saw the trap door. He lifted the door to reveal a large hole had been dug in the ground below. She was a little stunned to see a safe embedded in concrete. It was similar to, but not nearly as big as the one in his shop.
"My gosh Daryl. You think of everything. What's hidden in there?"
He looked up at her as he spun the lock, shrugged and said, "The usual. Cash and guns."
She tried to peer in around him and saw there were six or so handguns, a couple of hunting rifles, a shotgun and several boxes of ammunition. She also saw the stack of cash and some hunting knives. She knew from her tour of his shop he was cautious about keeping guns locked up, and she thought it was probably an especially good idea to be that way in this remote area. There was no telling who might wander in.
As he handed her one of the pistols he smiled, "This one's small, it should work good for ya." She was tentative when she reached to take it and he understood, "Don't worry, it ain't loaded."
He took a pistol for himself and a box of the ammunition and even though they were going to be close by, he shut, locked and covered the safe again. She didn't question him, she respected that he had his way of doing things.
He opened a bedside drawer and pulled out a pair of tinted safety glasses, slipping them on. He looked at her, shrugged again, "If ya wanna use these tinted ones, I'll trade. I just use 'em when I target practice." She declined with a smile, he always seemed to think of her first.
He tucked the pistol he'd chosen in the back of his waistband, right next to the holster that held what she now thought of as his every day gun. He grabbed the trash can up with one hand while he held his other hand at the low of her back, guiding her to a clearing about two hundred feet from the house. As he set the can down he explained, "Alright, first thing we're gonna do is have a lesson in gun safety."
"That's good because I don't know what I'm more nervous about, an accident or making a fool of myself."
His look was serious and he told her, "You ain't gonna make a fool of yourself, knock that kinda thinkin' off. And there ain't no way I'm lettin' ya get hurt. I told ya, I ain't takin' any chances with ya. We're gonna be real careful. That's why I want you ta listen to me Beth. I want ya to listen close and ask all the questions you need to." He looked a little melancholy when he added, "Someone once told me there aren't any stupid questions." Then he seemed to shake whatever it was off as he went on, "I don't know if that's always true, but in this case it is. And girl, I ain't pushin' you ta do anythin'. If you're not comfortable we're gonna quit. That's that. Ready?"
"I trust you Daryl. I know you'll be careful, and yes, I'm ready."
He told her everything the gun could and should do, and everything the gun couldn't and shouldn't do. He showed her where the safety was and he drove home how important it was to always keep the safety on. He had her feel the weight of it as it rested in her palm, then he showed her the proper way to grip and aim it.
"You want the pistol ta feel like it's a part of your hand and arm. Ya know when you're a kid an ya point your finger like it's a gun? Well if ya get the right grip the gun can feel just that natural. The other thing the right grip does is helps ya sight in. It keeps ya balanced and gives ya an easier feel when you're workin' the hammer, you know, pullin' the trigger. We're gonna work on a two-handed grip today. Someday we'll try single-handed and non-dominant hand grips. This ain't that day."
Finally he showed her how to sight in the target and how to use a squeezing action rather than a hard pull on the trigger. The gun still wasn't loaded.
"Lemme set up some cans for ya." He walked several yards in front of her and set up six or seven cans at various elevations, before walking back to where she waited. He explained to her what the ammunition was they'd use, and what to expect when the bullet hit the can. Finally, he taught her how to load the pistol.
The last thing he did was reach in his pocket and pull out what looked like a very heavy-duty pair of green camo earbuds. "I know ya said the noise bothers ya, these'll help. Ya also don't wanna take a chance of ruinin' your hearin'."
"What about you Daryl? Where are your earbuds?"
He looked at her and she thought maybe he was fighting a smile. "I ain't ever gonna get away with nuthin' around you. I swear I think ya just like scoldin' me."
She shrugged one shoulder and smiled, "Maybe you should just quit trying."
"Yeah, maybe not."
She could see he was still fighting that little grin as he put in his own earbuds. "Alright then." He walked behind her and told her, "Now, like I showed ya." She gripped the pistol like he'd taught her to and her arms were straight as she raised and aimed it. He knew she was tense and he encouraged her, "Go on now Beth, ya got this. Just go for it and let's see what happens."
The bullet hit the ground kicking up dirt and dust and he saw her shoulders slump. She shook her head, "That was awful."
"No, it wasn't. Let's talk about what mighta gone wrong."
He took his time with her, like he had when they shot the crossbow. Just like then his patience and sensitivity to her feelings gave her more and more reason to think he was every bit the man she thought he was. He was standing behind her watching the action and when she finally managed to graze a can he wrapped his arm around her waist and leaned in, giving her a lingering kiss on the sensitive skin just behind her ear, "I knew ya could do it." It sent a pleasant little shiver through her and she smiled to herself as she thought, I wonder what I get if I shoot one right off its perch?
After she'd shot a few times he asked her, "Your hands and arms gettin' sore? Tired?"
"They are, I thought it was because I'm a weakling or something."
"Chamber that last bullet, take one more shot and then we'll finish up." When she'd done what he asked, he walked around in front of her and placed open palms on her hips. He studied her as he called her out, "Ya think I'm hard on myself but you're hard on yourself. Today is the first day we done this and your kickin' ass. I can't believe what a dead-eye ya are and I ain't just sayin' that. You got a feel for it, shit you could get competition level good with some practice. Quit sellin' yourself short cuz I ain't hearin' it."
"Yes sir Mister Dixon."
"I figured it was my turn ta do the scoldin'."
He hadn't even shot and that was something she'd been looking forward to seeing. "You take a turn Daryl, let the student watch the teacher, and I want to see that one hand grip please." She'd been waiting days to see something she just knew was going to be impressive. With Daryl it had to be.
"A'ight, lemme set up a couple more cans." He set up several and when he got back to where she waited he instructed her, "Ya stand a little behind me and ta the side a me, don't move. I don't want ya gettin' hurt. K?"
"Yes, alright."
And she watched as he took the gun from his waistband, loaded it, gripped it in one hand, raised his arm straight and without flinching or even seeming to aim, he shot rapid fire at those cans. He made it look so effortless as he blew them from their perches. She would have bet money he wouldn't miss and he didn't. "Wow Daryl, just wow. That looked so awesome."
He shrugged, "Yeah well I've had one helluva lotta practice. You'll be better'n me someday. Now let's get all this shit back and have some lunch. I'm starvin'."
The guns were cleaned and back in the safe, the cans and her safety glasses were back in the shed. He got her a hard cider and himself a beer from the fridge and set them on the small kitchen counter. That's when his hands went to her hips and she slipped her arms around his waist. She'd never known anyone who could stare as intensely as Daryl, but the look wasn't cold or hard. This look sent a warm feeling right through her. That warmth intensified when he quietly said, "Ya give me feelins Beth. All kinds of feelins I ain't used ta havin'. Ya gotta promise me you'll be careful."
He didn't give her a chance to respond to his words as his open palms seemed to glide around to her low back, and he pulled her body closely into his. His kiss was deeply passionate, and when he leaned back just a little one hand moved to lightly clutched at the back of her hair. He looked in her eyes again and told her, "So far it ain't all been good today, but for me there's been a lot more good than bad. This all, I just can't imagine all this sharin' with anyone but you." Again his lips were on hers and she felt herself softly falling into his warm caress.
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When the weather was nice he preferred to eat his meals sitting cross-legged on the porch, but he didn't expect that of her, "Wanna have lunch here at the table?"
"Well if you want Daryl, but I was kind of thinking we could sit on the porch. It's a beautiful day."
The woman was full of surprises, "Well ya saw, there ain't any furniture, ya okay with that?"
He was always so concerned about her and she appreciated that, but she wanted him to be happy too, "Yes, it's fine. There's posts and a railing. I can just lean my back up against a post. If it gets uncomfortable then I'll come inside, okay?"
"Well yeah, okay if you're sure."
"Daryl I told you before, I promised you, if I don't like something I'll speak up, okay?"
"Yeah, I should figure that about ya anyway, ya get all kinds of feisty."
"You haven't seen the worst of it."
"Oh shit, I can hardly wait." They were both having a hard time suppressing the laughter now.
"I oughta ask you ta fix my porch up like ya done with your outdoor area at home. I dig that."
"Really? Well all we have to do is hit a couple of secondhand stores and we can do it together."
"Yeah? That'd be real nice." He was trying so hard to be so good and to not say or do anything too soon. That didn't stop him from thinking about certain things. He was thinking a lot about all the things he'd like to do with her, but he was trying so hard not to rush it.
He changed course, "This food looks so damn good Beth. Let's get out there and eat."
She'd had no idea what to make. If she'd known there was a stove she might have done things a little different. But as it was she'd made ham and cheese sandwiches, two for him, potato salad and brought grapes and orange segments. There was pie for dessert. "Do ya cook a lot?"
"For just myself? No. For just me I usually make salads or I'll make a pot of chicken soup or something to last me a few days. I used to cook big meals all the time with my Mom, you know how it is, life on the farm. But I can't possibly eat all that food by myself."
He shrugged one shoulder, grinned and volunteered, "I could help ya with that part."
That's when she got that smile he was sure could light up the sky and laughed as she told him, "You really are the most thoughtful man Daryl. I'll consider your offer next time I want to make a big pan of mac and cheese."
"The real deal? Homemade mac n cheese?"
"Of course."
"I'll tell ya what girl, I'd help ya get rid a that anytime. I'd even help ya cook it. Just tell me when and where and what to do. Shit, I'll even bring my own plate and fork."
He was so rough and tough looking and sounding, and he could get that look in his eye that would practically freeze her in place. But he also made her smile and laugh and he treated her like she was so special. She just did it, why mess around? Things had been heating up between them and she was happy about it, she was positive he was happy about it too. "Alright, we'll cook it at your house, you have the nicer kitchen. I say we do that real early next Saturday morning, then we bring it up here."
He had a two-handed grip on his oversized sandwich, poised to take a bite when he stopped and looked at her. Suddenly he'd gotten so serious and she felt the heaviness in the air, it was almost like a dark shadow crossed in front of him. "Maybe you should wait until we talk some more about the things we gotta talk about. Ya might not want nuthin' more ta do with me Beth."
"Or I may want everything to do with you. Anytime you're ready to start talking I'm ready to start listening."
"Finish your lunch. Then I will."
She decided to venture off that topic. Why not keep it pleasant at least until whatever was going to come next, came. "So what's your favorite thing to do when you're up here Daryl?"
She could almost see his mind spinning while he tried to think of a way to say it, "That's it, right there what ya said. When I'm here there's nuthin' I gotta do but just be. It ain't like I'm one ta sit around and do nuthin', but there isn't anything I have to do. No one's askin' anythin' of me. If I wanna hunt I hunt. If I wanna fish, I fish. If I just wanna wander around in these woods, I wander. So yeah, I'm free. That's what I like."
"That does sound wonderful. No phones, no people dropping in. Just knowing your time is your own."
Once lunch was done there wasn't anymore putting it off. He carried their plates in and got himself another beer and her another cider. They sat across from each other on the porch quietly waiting while he composed his thoughts. What he said was all gloom but his voice was strong, not like a complaint so much as a statement of the facts as he saw them, "I don't think anyone's safe around me. It's like I'm a poison to the people I care about. There's sumthin' about me that causes bad things to happen to them. That's why I been so reluctant with ya Beth, I just…I don't wanna risk anythin' happenin' ta you."
She thought what he said was ridiculous but she didn't express that. What she told him was, "Well why don't you tell me and let's see what I think."
He leaned his head back against the post, eyes closed as he chewed on his lip, then his eyes opened and his head came up and it started, "Remember I told ya I go see an older couple? I visit with em, run errands if they need me to, fix what might need fixin' around their place. I do what I can for em."
"Yes, I remember."
"I never was one for making tight friends, not when I's a kid, not now. Merle's my brother and my only real friend. Yeah I got pals. Guys I know from the trade and that sorta stuff, but no one I'd call a real friend, ya know like people say they confide in their friends, they have each other's back, all that stuff. Me, I've had just two close friends."
His knees were up, arms laying loosely across them while his fingers fidgeted. She could see how hard this was for him. She almost told him never mind he didn't need to tell her, but that would probably be the worst thing she could do. She just waited until he was ready.
"So yeah, I had this real good friend, we were tight since fifth grade. He didn't judge me on account of the way my family was or how we lived, and he also didn't let me get away with being all pissy." He looked up with a little grin, "Kinda like you." She smiled back but as he went on she could hear the deep sadness in his voice, "He taught me how ta throw a football and I taught him how ta throw knives. I'm glad his folks never found out about the knives." He smiled at the thought.
"He stuck up for me more'n once and I did the same for him."
"When we got a little older every summer there was a bunch of us, guys, girls just a big unruly group of high school kids, we liked going to the quarry and havin' a swim. It was harmless stuff, kids tryin' ta beat the heat. Lots a times it turned into a party, guys brought beer, you know the kinda thing I'm talkin' about. We acted like a buncha high school kids just havin' fun."
"It was the summer Caesar and me were 16. It was only June but already hotter than blazes. A bunch of us headed out to the quarry to swim and party, the usual. One minute everythin' was fine, then Caesar decided he was gonna do a swan dive off a big rock that stuck out pretty good. We all watched in awe cuz I can tell ya, there wasn't one of us other guys that had the balls ta try it. He looked pretty good when he did it too."
His voice was thick with emotion as he continued, "We all laughed when he went in the water and didn't come right back up, like he was screwin' with us, tryin' ta scare us. It dawned on me, sumthin' was wrong. I jumped in and I found him. His body was limp but I got him out. It was too late though, he was gone."
She could feel the sting of tears in her eyes and she fought letting them fall. She didn't want him worrying about her and her feelings. His feelings were raw enough.
"I waited before I went in after him. I never shoulda waited. If I'da jumped in right away maybe I coulda got him out in time, maybe he woulda been okay. Maybe his Mama and Daddy wouldn't a lost their boy that day. I hesitated and he died."
She waited to see if he'd go on, he didn't. He was looking down and she could practically see the sadness and guilt rolling off him. She tried to sound calm and to speak in a normal voice when she asked, "Is that what the doctor's said, that you could have saved him if you were faster?"
He glanced up and there was that look, that hard stare, "No. They said he hit his head on a rock. I think they just didn't want me ta feel bad. It was done. So they just said it was a blow to the head that got him."
She scooted over to where he sat and got up on her knees leaning close to him as she lightly wrapped her arms around his neck. This time it was her who pressed her forehead to his, "You're so hard on yourself Daryl. You take on so much guilt. Do you really think the doctor would make up a story? Have you ever stopped and thought about all the dumb things kids do? Heck the dumb things we all still do? It's a wonder any of us survive. Daryl, what happened to Caesar was a tragic accident, it's not your fault. It's not. It's no ones' fault. It's horrible but it just happened."
His hands went to the sides of her face and he gently nudged her so that they looked in each other's eyes, "I know if I hadn't been there it wouldn't a happened. When I'm around bad things happen to people. To my Mom, to Caesar and that ain't all of it."
Now her hand rested on his cheek and she tried to sound kind when she told him what she thought, "That can't be true Daryl. It isn't true. You didn't cause it and you couldn't have made it better. It happened. Do you really think your best friend in the world would want you beating yourself up all these years later?"
He felt exhausted from reliving the terrible event. He just wanted not to think for a few minutes. More than anything he wanted to hold this high-spirited woman. He liked how she wasn't afraid to get in his face and tell him just what she thought, but she did it in the most loving way and he had so much feeling for her. She was full of warmth and light and he wanted so much to live in her light.
He wrapped his arms around her and slowly leaned back until they were lying on the porch. He was on his back and she was nestled into his chest, his strong arms pressing her close. He brought his head forward and kissed the top of her head, "I wanna believe that Beth. I tried and tried to. I almost did for a while. Then it happened again."
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A/N We had fun and we had lunch and then things got heavy again. I hope you'll leave a comment / review and let me know your thoughts. The chapter photo is on my tumblr blogs gneebee and bethylmethbrick, please stop by and check those out. Next Wednesday we'll be picking up right where we left off, I hope to see you back. Until then remember, I love ya large! xo gneebee